View Full Version : Starkipraggy's Misadventures (Current Story: Twin Dragonfly Strike)
04-30-2008, 05:33 PM
Ooo, first story. But yeah, this is a series.
READY FOR GRADING.
Pokemon targetted: Scyther
Characters required: 30-40 K
Characters without spacing: 26,543
Characters with spacing: 32,349
Suggested listening: Daybreak's Bell (Gundam 00 First Opening)
Warning: PG-13 Powerz.
That was what they called it.
A rogue Pokémon in the area, possessing incredible speed and strength, ripping apart scores after scores of trainers that attempted to subdue it. Perhaps it was fate that led me to this place, but I sure as hell didn’t want to find this Exia. With only one Pichu at my side, it would be pure suicide to attempt to battle whatever it was that terrorized the inhabitants of this countryside village.
Unfortunately enough, they left me no choice: Either promise to try and get rid of the menace, or sleep out in the forest, where there was an even higher chance the Pokémon would attack me. Neither choice was particularly favourable, so I had to do the only way available to me: Lie. It was an unfavourable option, but the only one left, unless I wanted to steal, which was far, far worse; or I wanted to die of hunger out there in the countryside alone, without anyone knowing about it.
“Here’s your chicken stew! Oh, and some berries for that dear little Pichu of yours.” A demure-looking girl plonked a bowl of nice-smelling stew in my face, while handing Felix a pile of berries. Being the obnoxiously untameable and capricious critter he was, he would have tossed the berries aside and demanded for Pikachu-blend Pokechow (which was way too much for his taste buds anyway), but a look from me silenced any protests he might have made. This would be our last square meal until we made it to another village.
I stared at the girl. She was the innkeepers’ daughter, born of a not so well-to-do family, of about my age, but as I studied her soft features, I realized that she was a very beautiful girl. Her chocolate brown hair flowed softly down to her shoulders, and as she looked gently upon Felix with bright, intelligent blue eyes, her hands on her knees as she bent over, I could see the outlines of her body beneath her simple, knee-length, light-blue one-piece dress with short sleeves: Gently shaped, with enough curves to look pretty while remaining modest, and she did have a rather respectably sized bosom. I looked away at this thought. It would not be too good to be caught staring at her by anyone, least of all Felix.
“You’re not going to eat?” Her soft, high-pitched voice rang out.
“Oh, yes, I am.” I suddenly remembered the steaming bowl of delicious stew in front of me, and as I cursed my stupidity for letting the thought of a teenager girl of around 15 interfere with my gobbling down the delicacy presented to me for the low, low price of 20 Pokedollars, I gulped down the stew with much relish.
“Wow…Oh dear, you’ve got a few drops on your clothes…” She quickly ran over to grab a cloth, and as she leaned over me to wipe off the drops like a kind and caring mother or sister, her ear next to my mouth, some devil wagged his tongue in my head.
“You’re very pretty.”
Her reaction was instantaneous. She pulled away from me, her eyes filled with fright and apprehension. I could understand. I was shocked myself at my own brazenness.
As I noticed how the shape of her face could only be described as ‘heart-shaped’, whatever it was that made me say it justified my actions. “I was only paying you a compliment. No need to be so afraid.”
She looked uncertain, and excused herself, saying, “There’s still things my parents want me to do. If there’s anything else, just say so.” And then she left the room.
Sighing with relief, I went over to the bed and sat on it, before quickly sitting up again and removing my cape. Really now, at first I thought it was a good idea, and would make me look cooler, but it was only now that I realized that I was sorely mistaken. Not only did it get in the way, but it was useless in trapping the heat when it was cold and it was horrible at helping heat disperse when it was sweltering hot. Still, it might be useful for placing all my things in. All that needed to be done would be to sew in a couple of pockets. Not too difficult. I was too occupied with planning my escape from these villagers tomorrow, however, so testing out the cape’s usefulness as a secondary pocket would have to wait.
I extinguished the lamp they had provided me with, told Felix not cause any sort of ruckus whatsoever (which was met by a raspberry), and then lay down and went to sleep.
I set off before the sun had risen the next morning, only leaving a token payment and a note on my pillow, as if I would be back for the night. It was an empty promise, and I knew it, but I hoped they would not discover this truth.
As I trudged on towards the next village on the map, intent on reaching the next city, Felix grumbled and grumbled and grumbled in language I could not understand at all, since humans could not understand Pokémon speech. If there was a person who could, I would bet everything I had on me (including my clothes) that they would have paid me my wager to avoid the menace that was Felix the Pichu. The first time we had met in the professor’s laboratory, he had tried to shock me, but I made sure I handled him with rubber gloves, and when I had gotten him to understand that should I cease to exist, he would perish along with me, he had resigned himself to obeying my orders the worst he could.
Normally I would have avoided forests, since that would mean battles, and battles tended to be annoying as well as tiring, and I intended to save my strength. According to the map, the next hint of civilization was a full two days journey ahead; and that was if I walked the fastest I could. I had no camping equipment of any sort: If I were caught out here in the night, I would surely die, forest or not. Going through the forest would halve the time required to reach the next village, though moving at the same speed. If fate allowed it, I would arrive at the next village by nightfall.
As I entered the forest, I was suddenly acutely aware of my surroundings. I had to be. An attack could come from anywhere: I had to be ready to face it. I studied the thick forest canopy, the many tree trunks that littered the area but their arrangement still allowed for one to walk straight through them unhindered to my destination, the grass, the shrubs, the holes; anywhere which an attack could come from.
After briskly proceeding through the forest in a straight line for half an hour, I let my defenses down. So far, we had not been jumped, which was a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you looked at it. Good because it meant that one was making good progress. Bad because it might be foreshadowing that something was astir in the forest…
Then I tripped on something, and before I knew it I was hoisted straight into the air by the leg.
“Gotcha! Pokeball!” Someone yelled, and I felt something smash into my head. My brain struggling to comprehend what was going on amid the rush of blood to my brain due to being upside-down, I yelled at whoever it was.
“I’m not a Pokémon, for Arceus’ sake! Let me down!”
“Aww, hot damn! A human!? And when I thought I managed to snare the Pokémon…” The voice rang out again, and I was slowly lowered to the ground, until my hands touched the ground, then they took my weight, before I gracefully landed back on my feet as the person who had set up the trap appeared, grumbling about luck deserting him.
“What the hell were you doing?” I yelled at the person as I yanked the snare off my leg.
“Trying to catch that elusive Pokémon, of course! What else?” He yelled.
I studied his features. He was a rather fat specimen, with a round belly poking out of his clothes, and what one might call man-boobs, or moobs for short. He wore the sort of khaki shirt and shorts and hat that an archaeologist might don, and he had a magnifying glass in hand, as well as Pokeballs strapped to his belt, with hair that one would call ‘mushroom-shaped’. His face was fat and round, and although it was red with anger and his small, jet-black eyes ablaze with indignant fury, I could tell he was a rather jolly fellow.
“What was that trap for?” I asked.
“I was hoping to trap the Pokémon with it so I could take potshots at it to weaken it.
The teenager pouted. Now that I had calmed down enough to analyse him better, I put his age around 16. Just slightly older than me.
“You’re a bloody coward. Can’t you just take them head on?” I was truly of this opinion. If one wanted to defeat a Pokémon, one should face it head on with all due respect. Pokémon deserved as much knowledge as the average human, especially if said Pokémon could snap your neck like a twig. This rule did not apply to Felix of course, being the immature and complete jerk he was.
“You crazy?” He looked me in the eye. “So many people have tried and they have failed…And I’m pretty sure a lot of them took that approach. And what happened to them? They died.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I did mean what I said, but I figured it out just as he yelled at me as if I was an idiot.
“I’m talking about Exia, of course!”
“You’re nuts. You’re actually going try and beat that thing?” I blurted out.
“Of course I am!” He squinted at me, reducing his already small eyes to slits. “Did you lie that you would help beat Exia?”
Instantly I knew I was trapped. This boy was not stupid. Whoever said that fat people lacked intelligence should be roasted on a spit like a pig and eaten by said fat people. I could not lie. Should I use a lie to cover up another lie, my conscience would haunt me. More than that, the boy could see straight through me. It wasn’t too difficult. If he had figured out I had lied the first time, he could see how well-rested I was: there was no way of explaining how I had gotten here rationally. There was only one option: Tell the truth.
So I told the truth. “Yes.”
He looked at me like I was a total jerk, which I supposed I was.
There was a long silence.
Then he grabbed me and dragged me off.
“Well, since you’re here, you can help me with Exia. We’ll be partners! We’ll split the profits. So what do you have?” He threw me into a stack of leaves, leaving me dazed.
“Only a Pichu.” I was too befuddled to try any tricks. Anyway, I had used up my quota for the month.
“Only a Pichu. Only a Pichu. You sure you’re not kidding me?” He looked me in the eye.
“No. Ain’t kidding, man. Search me.”
He did. It was a search that would have shamed a customs official, to my eternal embarrassment. If I were in the city, I would have dialed 999 and got Officer Jenny to arrest him for sexual harassment.
“Only a Pichu,” he repeated, as if in a daze.
I waited for the hammer to fall.
“Oh god. You’re not surviving an hour without me, punk. So what say you? Let’s do this together.” He went through a gamut of emotions in that one sentence, leaving me positively mind-boggled. What kind of insane person could have done something like that? Changing from surprised, to outraged, back to positive? Not sane, not sane at all.
Seeing how I had no choice but to follow the older boy, I asked, “Since I’ll have to be your acquaintance for the next few days, may I ask your name?”
He smiled. “It’s Shiraishi Masahiro, punk. What’s yours?”
“Starkipraggy.” I gave him my nickname, instead of the real McCoy.
“That’s long.” He screwed up his eyes. “Let’s shorten it. How about Starky?”
I shrugged. “Suit yourself. So, what do you have in mind? Obviously the snare would not work. As you have said yourself, plenty of people have tried. It would not surprise me if at least one tried this snare method. And it failed, because this Exia is still at large.” Now that I didn’t have a choice in this, my only hope of staying alive was helping him the best I could.
“Well…” He scratched his head. “I guess we’ll go for the snare method. Hey, you never know, it might work.”
“Well, then we’ll have to set multiple traps.” My brain worked quickly. “It won’t do to only have one trap. I’ll set one out in the field, and we can give each other our numbers, so we can call if we got something.”
He shook his head. “I don’t trust you. You might run off.”
This guy was good. He thought of something I hadn’t: escaping once I was out of his sight.
“Well, one trap is hardly enough. What do you suggest?”
“I dunno.” He shrugged.
Another period of silence ensued.
“Perhaps we could pinpoint where this Pokémon attacks, then wait there for it.” I concocted a wild idea. “It’s about the same thing as a trap. Which is more complicated than a snare. And definitely more effective.”
“Where is not it.” Shiraishi shook his head. “From what I’ve heard, Exia has attacked the neighbouring villages once or twice as well, but most of the attacks are centred here, from the resident Exia expert in the nearby village.”
I shivered. If I had gone ahead and Exia had attacked the next village by the unusual trend, surely I would be toast. Not only that, the next village from there was an obscenely long journey, and I needed transport to get there. Assuming Exia attacked, a lot of things would be gone. Not only would I go hungry, I would not be able to proceed.
“Well, there must be something linking the attacks.” I continued to rack my brains.
“We could go back and ask for a list of all of Exia’s attacks,” Shiraishi said.
“So that’s settled.” I started walking back, and Shiraishi followed.
“You’re back,” The innkeeper’s daughter said, watching me pass by the inn. There was a curious expression in her eyes. I ignored her.
“So, where is this expert’s house?” I asked Shiraishi.
“Ah. Follow my lead.” He took the lead, and I followed.
“Wait!” The girl called out. This time, I turned around.
“What is it?”
My words stunned her a little, and she took a step back, and took a few moments to compose herself, before saying, “M-my name is Nimue. Pleased to meet you.” And with that, she had run back into the inn.
“Someone likes you~” Shiraishi taunted.
“Just keep going.” I moved on, and he had no choice but to resume the lead.
At first, I thought nothing of her words, but as I walked on, I began to wonder: Was she blushing as she ran back into the inn…?
“Stop fantasizing, you hentai, we’re here!” Shiraishi spread his arms out to the right, revealing a dilapilated shack, possibly at the edge of the village. Run-down as it was, it always happened that things of note were concealed in such places, so I reserved judgement and walked up to the shack first. Being the innately polite person I was, I knocked on the door. Gently, mind, there was no telling with such weakened doors, and I might be unluckily forced to pay or make a new door for the occupant.
“Who’s there?” The voice surprised me. I was expecting the voice of an old person, but what I heard was the voice of a loud, energetic, and unless my imagination was running wild, slightly loopy person. Although I was pretty sure it was my imagination screwing around with my perception.
“Just some people. We need some information on Exia,” Shiraishi yelled.
“Ah, the Exia hunters! Come in, come in.”
So I gently pushed the door open, and went in.
To find no one.
The entire shack was dirty and dusty, with a strong, musty smell. There was a rusty metal bed in a corner, on which was placed a dirty mattress, a wooden bookcase about to fall apart crammed with books of similar condition, and, occupying much of the hut, a large wooden table, in surprisingly good condition, upon which papers were strewn. There were 3 simple wooden chairs with backs around it, but these were slightly worse off than the table. But there was no human in sight.
I walked further in to allow Shiraishi to walk in and called out. “Hello, anyone here?”
“Yes, yes, just wait a moment…” The same voice replied.
So we waited.
And then with a terrible squawk that nearly made my heart stop, a cover to something flipped, and someone crawled out from a manhole under the table, and then out of the table, then stood up at the other side of the table.
As I expected: A slightly loopy looking person. He was caked in much grime, but I could discern that he had an archaeologist-like outfit on him that was similar to Shiraishi’s own, missing the hat, and he had purple hair and purple eyes. How people got such unnatural colours for their natural hair and eyes, I would never know. He was thin and lanky, the opposite of Shiraishi, but he was obviously well-built, probably by doing whatever it was he did in that god-forsaken manhole-like place. The word wiry suddenly sprang to mind. Yes, a pun, a bad pun, I know. Not particularly strong, but rather, fast-moving.
“So, what is it that you’re looking for?” The grime-covered person asked. “Oh, and before I forget, take a seat.”
We did. Shiraishi had no qualms planting his bottom on the seat. I, however, took it more cautiously. Luckily the seat was clean enough.
“We’re looking for a list of Exia’s attacks. We hope to trace a pattern, so we can decide when and where it will attack next, so we can prepare for it, and hopefully, nail it,” I explained.
“Ah, I see. Let’s see, was it here? Or here? Or here…” He started digging through his pile of papers, before suddenly stopping. “Wait, just what kind of information do you need?”
“A list of all the attacks,” I reiterated wearily.
“Yes, I know that. Do you need the locations, what was attacked or what?”
“Preferably everything. We can start with locations,” I added, noting the large mess on the table.
“Well, that’s easy! Look over there!” He pointed a grimy finger, and our eyes followed.
It was then, and only then, that I noticed the battered map pinned to the wall, meticulously annotated with information in red ink. We sat there stunned for a while, before I got up and walked over, cape swishing behind me.
Then all hell broke loose.
The wall tore itself apart in front of my eyes, and suddenly I was violently thrown to the side by someone. A green blur rushed past; more sounds of wood smashing in the background, and suddenly, it was over.
“What was that?” I asked disorientedly.
“It was-” I heard Shiraishi begin, before a scream pierced the air.
“OH MY GOD! MY TABLE! THE TABLE MY MUM LEFT FOR ME! AND, AND, AND, MY ROOF!”
I stared at the table. It had been cleanly sliced in two, along with the papers that were unlucky enough to be over the cut area at the time. The table groaned, and then collapsed inwards, scattering the papers, some of them flying down the manhole, throwing the grime-soaked man into hysterics. And the roof…As if it wasn’t holey enough, a big exit hole had been created.
I looked at Shiraishi, and was grateful to him for saving my life. He did not seem to have suffered any injuries, and was now standing up and patting himself down.
The expert was now lying spread-eagled on the ground. I felt pity for him. Really. So much of his work and his property had been destroyed. I would have been affected by this.
Right then, another scream ripped through the air. This one further away, and feminine.
I turned to run, and Shiraishi followed my lead, before a gruff voice stopped us. “Wait.”
We turned to see the expert sitting up, his head down. “This might not be of great importance, but there’s a rumour. Have you ever heard of a Setsuna F. Seiei?”
04-30-2008, 05:34 PM
I shook my head, but Shiraishi replied, “Yes, I’ve heard. That guy was a very particular trainer, and one-time Pokémon Champion. What about it?”
“There are rumours that this Exia is related to him. You know how particular he is about his Pokémon. It is said that he initially accepted the Pokémon, but then rejected it later for some reason.”
Shiraishi’s eyes widened. “To be even initially accepted-!”
The expert cut him off. “It’s only a rumour, but should it be true…” He looked up. “Then Arceus save us all.”
Another scream cut through the air again, and quickly pushing the implications of this revelation out of my mind, I dashed out of the house, followed by Shiraishi with a loud “WAIT UP!”
Thankfully the village wasn’t too far away, and we could soon tell where the screams were coming from: The villagers were fleeing the other way.
“It’s Exia! Exia!” They yelled at us as we ran towards the screams.
And as we came into sight of the rest of the houses, I saw a green blur wrecking the houses, massive holes appearing as it shot in and out of houses by the walls rather than by the door. How impolite.
As we ran into the town, trying to track the movements of the green blur, something hit Shiraishi in the front, and the something went sprawling. Fat men tended to be like rocks.
The innkeeper’s daughter was on her rear end, her arms pushing herself upright.
“Woah! You okay?” Shiraishi reached down, and she grasped his hand, and he yanked her to her feet.
“You’d better get going.” I nodded in the direction where we had run from.
“But…” She stared at me with large, pleading eyes.
“But what?” Shiraishi took charge. “It’s dangerous here!”
Instantly fire flashed in the young girl’s eyes. “Of course I know! I’m the one who has to endure all these attacks!”
“Then what are you…” Shiraishi began.
Another scream pierced the air. It came from the inn.
“MA!” The girl looked around at the inn in horror, and dashed in its direction.
“Wait!” I ran after her. Shortly after, I heard Shiraishi follow, cursing.
As I burst into the room, I saw the girl holding her mother tight, and the green blur was shooting towards them…
The girl’s name immediately shot into my mind, and I yelled, “NIMUE!!!”
“Scam, Quick Attack!” Shiraishi bellowed from behind, throwing out a Pokeball.
The Pokémon released immediately made a beeline for the green figure. As both women’s eyes widened in shock, the green blur was hit from the side. Not nearly enough to throw the green blur back, but enough to cause it to miss.
The green blur went into a roll then stood up. Now that it stood still enough, we could see what it was.
Now knowing his opponent, Shiraishi ordered, “Quick Attack again, Scam! On the left!”
Finally noticing Shiraishi’s choice, I nearly fainted right there and then. Scam the Rattata shot forward with blazing speed, but it was not nearly enough for the Scyther. As if swatting a fly, the Scyther stepped aside and slashed down on the Rattata, instantly taking it out. My heart sank. If Shiraishi expected this to be enough, it was not nearly so.
But it was all a trick.
I had not realized Shiraishi had pulled out another Pokeball, and as I watched Scam the Rattata bracing itself for impact, a bright light had appeared, and revealed a Charmeleon.
And as Scam hit the ground, finished, Shiraishi ordered gleefully, “Flamethrower the sucker, Ronald!”
The Charmeleon obliged, unleashing fiery hell on the Scyther. There was no time to react, the Scyther was hit full-on, and it was thrown back, its body charred badly by this assault. Yet, it retained its wits: It somersaulted gracefully through the air, then righting itself mid-air, beat its wings and tore its way out of the inn.
As I turned my notice to the stunned Nimue and her mother, who was now sitting on the ground, Shiraishi said, “C’mon, after it!”
And I abandoned the girl, chasing down the culprit.
It seemed a fruitless chase. It was nothing more than a green blur, and in the tall grass surrounding the village, it was invisible. Just like a true ninja.
“I…I think…we’ve lost it…” Shiraishi panted. To be honest, I was surprised he could keep up with me given his build.
I reached in my pocket and pulled out one of the wonders of modern technology: The Pokedex.
“I don’t think so. Maybe this will help.” I flicked it open. I most probably had the latest version, since I was a rather newbie trainer in terms of actually being in the trainer database.
“Hmm? It’s different from mine.” He pulled out his own, and I recognized it as a Version 1 Pokedex. In short, an antique.
“Of course it is. Mine is the newest.” I navigated the menu. “Scyther…Scyther…”
“What are you doing?” He peeked at my screen.
“Okay, so it did manage to register Exia. Let’s try location.” I chose the option. “What’s this? One metre away?”
And at that exact moment, Shiraishi grabbed me and we both ducked as the grass where our heads once were sliced into bits. Once again, I had been saved by a fat man’s intuition. How embarrassing.
“Where’s it coming from?” Shiraishi yelled.
And at that exact moment, the Scyther leapt into view, without a single scratch on it, glaring at us as challengers to its superiority.
“How…” Shiraishi was surprised at the lack of damage.
“It used Rest.” I concluded. “Scythers have the Early Bird ability as well, allowing them to awaken from sleep faster.”
He looked at me. “We complement each other, huh? Your brains and my reflexes.”
I shrugged as we both stepped back to avoid a cautious swipe by the Scyther.
Engaging Scyther in close combat was pure suicide. We needed to push some sort of advantage…
“Okay, let’s try this.” Shiraishi released his Charmeleon. I looked at him, and he winked.
Then I winked back.
Hopefully we had the same plan in mind.
“Ronald, Flamethrower!” Shiraishi called his attack.
Wordlessly, I released Felix, and whispered to him to Thunder Wave Exia. For once, he did not complain, and he bounded from my arms silently.
As Felix snuck closer to Exia, Shiraishi was ordering Flamethrower after Flamethrower after Flamethrower.
“Let’s go again!” he roared.
The Scyther was backing away, as the grass began to burn with the flames spewing from Shiraishi’s Charmeleon.
“Mwekekeke.” I chuckled softly.
“PICHU!!!” Suddenly, a ball of yellow was thrown up into the air, and my heart sank as I recognized it as a certain Pichu.
Shiraishi was quick to cover for Felix. “Flamethrower!”
Exia ducked away as the grass it was around was set on fire, making it unable to follow through on tossing Felix into the air. The Charmeleon stomped through the flames and caught Felix. I breathed a sigh of relief.
Suddenly, Shiraishi dashed towards the Scyther, and as my eyes widened in shock, I noticed his Charmeleon getting behind the Scyther.
Stupid idiot! He was going to get burnt!
What happened from there on was much worse.
As his Charmeleon ran in from behind, Exia calmly directed a scythe backwards and leapt backwards.
The scythe went neatly through the Charmeleon’s skull, reappearing on the other side of the entry area. I saw the life flame on the Charmeleon’s tail extinguish.
Classic samurai backwards stab.
Ronald the Charmeleon was dead.
It wasn’t finished.
As Shiraishi dashed in, screaming bloody vengeance, Exia raised the other scythe and sent it through Shiraishi’s chest.
“SHIRAISHI!” I screamed.
And then he ran forward and pinioned Exia’s arms to its sides, locking his grip.
His lips moved.
Now. Win this for me. For us all.
I had to make a move.
It was the best in the Pichu’s arsenal.
And as Felix zapped the Scyther, Shiraishi Masahiro breathed his last, smiled at me, and, crushing the praying mantis Pokémon’s arms to its side, became limp, and his beloved Charmeleon’s corpse changed their centre of gravity, and they all toppled into a blazing bonfire of burning tall grass.
It was over.
Exia was defeated.
Shiraishi Masahiro, the trainer I had known for so short a time, was gone. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that he was an outstanding trainer. Perhaps if he had lived longer…
Felix bounded back to me, and I could see my own feelings of melancholy reflected on his face.
It was over. All over…
“Is that…it? Is it…all over…?”
I turned to see Nimue standing there, fingers to her mouth, tear-filled eyes staring where Shiraishi and Exia were locked together in a never-ending embrace.
“How did you find us?” I was too heavy with grief to compose anything more complicated.
“I saw the fire.”
I walked away, Felix following silently. I could sense the Pichu’s own feelings were the same as mine. We owed Shiraishi and his Charmeleon so much. He saved our lives 3 times in 2 days. Plenty enough for a lifetime.
As I passed Nimue, she looked at me with concern.
I walked past her, and was about to go back to the village when I heard a sound that made my blood run cold.
The sound of a blade being drawn cleanly from a corpse.
There it was again.
The third time.
Even as the reality hit me, a scream pierced the air.
I spun around, ran back and pushed Nimue out of the way as a bloodstained-green scythe cut a swath where Nimue had been standing. Something nicked my face, and I jumped back.
It stood before me, its body mostly charred, and covered in blood. The flames had cauterized Shiraishi’s arms to its torso, but it had somehow hacked its way free of the dead man’s grip, and all that was left was part of his forearms and his hands, glued gruesomely to the Scyther’s wings. Glaring at me, it leveled its right scythe at me.
The one soaked with the blood of Shiraishi Masahiro.
I glared back at it.
Now. Win this for me. For us all.
I would not let Shiraishi die in vain.
“I’ll take you down.”
The Scyther dashed forward, and I threw myself aside, grabbing Felix as I went.
The Pokedex beeped, and I yanked it out as I recovered into a one-knee down kneeling position.
Pichu used Nasty Plot!
I stared down at Felix. There was a crafty look in his eye.
He was plotting, all right.
“Do that 2 more times and we’re set.”
As Exia charged in again, I tossed myself forward, scraping past its left foot and causing it to trip. Of course, this raked a painful wound across my side.
“Nimue, run!” I yelled, hoping she heard me.
As both Exia and I crawled to our respective feets, I spotted Nimue standing motionless close by to Exia, a stunned look on her face.
“RUN YOU IDIOT!” I screamed at her, running at her.
A green blur appeared beside me, keeping pace with me.
Suddenly, my senses were more attuned.
As it swung its scythe, I blocked it with my hand.
I saw the Scyther’s eyes widen in surprise, and it raised the other scythe and slashed down upon my wrist.
Again, no effect.
We both came to a stop.
“You were going for my wrists, right? Well let me tell you this, Exia…” I smiled grimly at it. “I have no wrists.”
And, still looking straight into the Scyther’s eyes, I ordered, “Thundershock! Everything you’ve got!”
And as I pushed away from Exia, Felix zapped the Scyther with many volts of electricity. There was nothing it could do to resist. It jerked in throes of shock, until Felix was out of juice, and toppled flat on the ground.
And I lifted my left hand up in front of Exia’s eyes, seized what seemed to be skin with my right, and yanked upwards.
It had been so long since I had done this…
My metallic hand gleamed in the sunlight, the light also serving to outline the delicate machinery of the hand. The metal went under my sleeve as well, and I pulled it down, to reveal how my hand was connected to the end of my forearm.
As I had said: No wrists.
Staggering slightly, Exia wobbled, glaring at me with troubled eyes.
I pulled an empty Pokeball from my right pocket, and swung my arm back and forward, about to let it fly out of my hand…
Then my arm fell to the ground.
I was stunned for a while, until I noticed the blood spurting from the stump that was my shoulder.
Nimue screamed again. I felt like joining her, but I had no more strength.
My arm hit the ground with a heavy thud.
Nimue didn’t stop screaming. She just screamed and screamed.
Exia pushed away from me, and flew away into the grass.
My hand shaking, I squatted, clumsily removed the Pokeball from the hand of my severed arm, and gave it to Felix.
“You got enough for one more shot, buddy?”
Perhaps it was me calling him buddy. Perhaps he had finally come to accept me as a good trainer. He tottered to his feet, took the Pokeball, and waited for my next command.
“Quick Attack. Don’t let him get away, my friend. Shiraishi…” I began, but I was losing too much blood. I was feeling weak.
The Pichu nodded and sped away.
Exia was at its limits. Burned, scorched, electrocuted… Contrary to appearance, the earlier Flamethrower direct hit still affected the Scyther. Simply using Rest had not been enough to totally counteract the damage. Not to mention getting burned while in a dead man’s grip and having to tear its way out violently and gruesomely.
Exia was no longer the blazing green blur it was half an hour ago. It was nearly finished. Limping. Limping to a safe place.
It noticed the Pichu, but it could do nothing to stop it. It raised its scythes in one last defiant gesture, and the Pichu, for its own part, smirked at it with its own eyes.
Easily zipping through the Scyther’s feeble resistance, the Pichu rammed the Scyther with the Pokeball in its mouth, and spat it out as the Scyther was sucked in, and the ball thudded on the ground as the Pichu stared at it. The ball wobbled once, twice…
05-18-2008, 12:04 AM
K, I said I would grade, so I shall grade it now.
Very ambitious for your first story, I must say.
Umm, gory. That pretty much sums up the entire story, especially that long winded battle. A little over PG-13, I think. Two deaths and an arm being sliced clean off. Yikes! Well summary:
A young kid named Starky is at an inn. He is very aware of the beautiful girl who is serving him lunch. Unfortunately for him, he says something stupid and scares her off. He goes up and rests, and then leaves the town looking for a monster called Exia. He gets scared however, and decides to run, to a nearby village. Unfortunately he gets ensnared in a boy named Shiraishi’s trap. The two pair up in the quest for Exia. They go back to the village where Starky had left. The girl who had served Starky the day before comes out and introduces herself. Then they go and meet an expert on Exia. As they are talking, Exia attacks.
They go outside, to see a green blur speeding through the town, smashing up houses. Saraishi attacks with Rattata to distract Exia, who turns out to be a Scyther. Thenhe sends out a Charmeleon, at uses Flamethrower against Scyther. Then, Syther ran away. It healed itself in the forest, and then came back to fight.
Charmeleon weakened it, burning its wings to a crisp but Scyther sliced its head in two. Then, Saraishi crushes it, but Scyther kills him too. For a moment, Starky leaves it, thinking is dead, but Scyther is a live, and follows. He orders Pichu to boost its stats, and then takes it on with a barrage of Thunder Shocks, but Starky loses an arm in the proccess. Soon it weak enough to catch it.
The plot is very good and elaborate, something like a plot I was thinking of for a Scyther. It was different, but close. I liked the plot twists you put in. The death and gore was a bit much for a Pokemon Forum, but I doubt eight-year-olds will want to read a 30k story, lol. Overall it was good. Try to pick simpler names though. These are hard to spell.
Pretty good for the most part. You left me in the dark about how Starky looked, and what the hut looked like, but you told me what he was there for. That’s really good. I was a bit confused on who told him to go and capture Exia. I think you need to provide more back story about those sorts of things in the future.
I’m gonna assume that you’re British/Australian, since you have those spellings scattered throughout the story. Try to tell the grader that next time. Its very helpful.
Being the obnoxiously untameable and capricious critter he was...
“Untameable” should be “untamable”. I’m not sure if that’s British/Australian spelling or not. D:
“You’re not going to eat?” Her soft, high-pitched voice rang out.
“Her” should not be capitalized. You did this a couple of times.
I cursed my stupidity for letting the thought of a teenager girl of around 15 interfere…
“Teenager” should be “teenage”. Teenage is an adjective, while teenager is a noun, and can’t be used to describe her.
There’s still things my parents want me to do.
“There’s” should be “there are”, since “things” is plural.
The first time we had met in the professor’s laboratory, he had tried to shock me, but I made sure I handled him with rubber gloves, and when I had gotten him to understand that should I cease to exist, he would perish along with me, he had resigned himself to obeying my orders the worst he could.
That bolded part should be a new sentence, otherwise it’s a run-on.
An attack could come from anywhere: I had to be ready to face it.
The colon should be a semi-colon. Colons usually are associated with lists of some sort.
“Where is not it.” Shiraishi shook his head.
That sounds odd. Consider switching around your wording, into something like, ”Where is it not?”
There were 3 simple wooden chairs with backs around it, but these were slightly worse off than the table,
Write out all numbers under ten. Always. D:<
Your writing style seems a bit verbose. Not that that’s bad, but you probably want to tone it down a bit. Try to cut down on the length of your sentences, and vary it a bit more.
Blargh. Fine. You want to keep it on the higher side though. 37k would have been ideal, but 32k is fine.
Very descriptive, except for the inn, Starky, and the Pokemon. You other people, surroundings were described well. Remember to describe ever single solitary thing that comes across in the entire story no mater how insignificant, or meaningless, or pointless it is. D: Hopefully that tells you how important descriptions are in one’s story. Not that this was bad, but slightly less than desired. Umm, not much else to say
Whoever said that fat people lacked intelligence should be roasted on a spit like a pig and eaten by said fat people.
xDDD :x And quoted for truth (with less gore, but you get the idea). D:
“It used Rest.” I concluded. “Scythers have the Early Bird ability as well, allowing them to awaken from sleep faster.”
WRONG! D:< They get Technician and Swarm. *Changes Rest to Roost.*
Very nicely done. Lots of death and stuff. From what I’ve read (it’s a very small amount of stories) no one other than TyT, FFk, and DU have killed off characters and they’re all epic writers. Very descriptive, very two sided, you used your surroundings very well.
Next time however try to use a bigger variety of moves. I know Pichu’s movepool is like twelve moves, but Charmeleon, Scyther, and Rattata have far larger movepools. Still good work. :D
I didn’t cut you much slack, even though this is your first story, mainly because you don’t really need it. It was very good. Scyther Captured!! For next time work on descriptions and grammar. Those were the biggest areas of concern. But still... I call dibs on part two! :x
05-18-2008, 11:07 AM
I'm probably going to go for something easier on Part 2. This is supposed to be an obscenely long epic, but that's not the point. Highlights of the future include more epic captures. XD What I really do have planned is one against Garchomp, one against a PorygonZ (yes, I am nuts. -sings- There ain't no mountain hi~igher!) and probably one against an Aggron amid epic events.
Technically Starki wanted to freeload off the inn all along. He never chickened out. He was already chickening all the way... He happened to be passing by the village, and since words don't mean much for his morals, he lies that 'I will help beat monster!' and thus get discountz. x3 He just happened to get jinxed so much that he ran head on into the Scyther. And the Charmeleon didn't get its head sliced into two. It just got stabbed right through the brain into the neck for more anatomical specifics. :O And when getting free, the Scyther decapitated the corpse. Yea, I even thought of that. x3
Actually I'm in a country once colonised by the British. :x You're off the mark there. And I was bored, so I went for as low word count as I could. :3 I wanted to keep Starky's description a secret for now, and I forgot to describe the inn, and I stupidly assumed that everyone knew what Rattatas, Scythers, Pichus, and Charmeleons look like. Untamable is probably my own preference I think. Can't remember. :O And I always thought that speeches ending with question marks or exclamation marks were considered a sentence upon itself, so whatever follows it has to be capitalised. I should check with the MS Word. And I thought semi-colons were more for listing, actually, somehow. :O No, wait, colons actually act as full-stops as well, so semi-colons allow you to do about the same thing as a colon, but it allows you to continue with the sentence. So you run on the sentence. :O I think.
As for the attack variety... Rattata has no hope of even touching Scyther except outspeeding it via Quick Attack, so I had to use that. Especially when the Rattata is about Level 15 or so and the Scyther's running at about 40+. Charmeleon was going at about 34-35. So Flamethrower had to be the move, for STAB and SE damage...Yeah, thinking in Gameboy terms. As for the Scyther... Slash and Wing Attack were the only ones I thought were so much as viable, and Wing Attack needs Scyther to go real close to the opponent to smack it with the wings, and the wings got fried during the beginning of the second attack anyhow... And even though this is a trained Scyther (Why do you think I even mentioned it? x3), the guy who dunnit is pretty much some kind of TM-oxygenarian. AND using Slash all the way helps cement the Exia name. :3 You could watch Gundam 00 if you must know. (And packing on Silver Winds would make the Scyther nigh impossible to kill with a Pichu. X_X)
I could have sworn 3rd Gen Scythers had Early Bird... Darn. Rest should still do, since two turns isn't THAT long. I mean, if Pokemon in the anime fire Hyper Beams like there's no tomorrow...
I'll finish up later...It's still a pretty long stretch. :O And there's stuff aplenty to clean since I just came back from camp...
I watched Felix disappear through the grass, and sank down to the ground, clutching the stump that was my arm. I could feel the warm liquid streaming from it, and seeing the blood pool on the ground beside me gave me a headache.
As my vision began to dim slightly, I heard the sound of shallow but extremely fast breathing, and I looked up.
Nimue had seized her dress around the chest so tightly that her knuckles had turned white, and her wide, fearful eyes flitted between my pooling blood and the burning fire that was consuming all the grass around.
Even with my brain being more and more unable to absorb what was happening, I managed to figure out that the idiot was hyperventilating. If someone didn't save her...
But the only someone around was hard pressed to save himself.
Using the last of my breath, I staggered to my feet, and limped over to the girl, who was now hyperventilating ever faster at the sight of me moving towards her.
"No..." her word came out softer than her breath.
I quickly seized her by my remaining arm, held her in front of me and facing away from me, and cupped my hand over her mouth and nose.
"Breath. Slowly. With me..." I could really feel death setting in now. Crap. My breathing was slowing. I was dying and both of us knew it.
Nevertheless, I could feel the girl struggling to get herself under control. About 10 seconds later, her breathing had slowed a lot. It wasn't normal, but it was much more like panting than hyperventilating now.
Hoping that everything would turn out fine, I let my grip slip on her, collapsed onto the ground, and let the darkness consume me.
After surviving so much crap, I have to die saving some pretty country girl? Pathetic...
The Pokemon pinged shut with a metallic finality.
The Pichu stood over the Pokeball triumphantly, and picked it up, glaring at it as though he could pierce its innards.
He raised the Pokeball over his head like a victorious wrestler holding up his just-won title belt, and cried out to the heavens with as much macho power as a Pichu could muster.
That done, the tired Pichu held the Pokeball in both hands and began marching towards the blazing patch of grass.
As he went, he began to glow white, and then he grew. Grew taller, sleeker, faster. His cheek pouches became more developed. His paws and feet were longer. His ears and tail lengthened as well.
And he marched on, oblivious from fatigue.
I watched the boy slump to the ground, and almost hyperventilated again. Blood...so much blood...Was he going to die too? Like the fat boy...
I shook my head. Father always told me that the best thing to do in such situations... Was to run for the doctor.
So I did. I ran as fast as I could, holding the hem of my dress up so I would not trip as usual. Running and running and running...
The Pikachu stood over the body, and stuffed the Pokeball into the boy's hand.
It's all yours now, trainer. I'm all yours.
And the Pikachu flopped on top of the boy.
I woke up.
Unfortunately, it was not an instantaneous process like what one would think reading the above sentence. It was...more of a drifting thing. I felt like someone had smashed me in the head with a hammer. Or someone had slammed defibrillators (Holy crap, I really can't find the spelling for this) into me. There was a white light, then I just lay there floating or whatever for a while. Then I tried to open my eyes.
It was a feat in itself. My eyelids felt like they had an Aggron on them. It took every ounce of strength I had to open my eyes.
The first thing I saw was the colour blue. A dark blue.
Then I realised the blue was surrounded by a face, but by then the face had disappeared and loud noises sounded, rattling my brain and probably frying a few brain cells. Wowee.
My mind began to wander. Blue eyes, blue eyes, such pretty blue eyes, and so familiar...
I would have shot bolt upright, but as it was, I barely had enough strength to stay conscious, so I merely blinked.
Could it be? Artemis?
My mind soon cleared up enough to realise bright light was shining in my eyes. And yes, it did annoy the crap out of me. So I mustered some more strength, and turned my head aside. I felt dizzy after such a small effort, and I wondered what would happen if I tried to move more than that. My right side felt totally weightless somehow...
Oh right, I lost that arm. Hot damn.
And with the memory of the lost arm came the memories of all the events that had landed me into this sorry state. And boy, was I sorry.
And at that moment, I heard footsteps, and three different sets of clothing came into my sideways field of vision.
I felt my head being gently moved, and I saw Nimue's face up close. Then I saw the big pimple sitting on her forehead. Hee hee.
Well, I tried to laugh, but I shuddered, and Nimue recoiled, dropping my head back into the same position. Apparently they wanted to talk to me, so instead of shoving my head to face them, the two adults squatted down to put their faces into my field of comfortable vision. Nimue followed their lead, shaking slightly.
"Well, young man, you're alive thanks to us. And I suppose we should thank you too, for getting rid of that menace. We owe you too much..." The innkeeper began. He was a slightly plump, balding man with a bushy moustache, wearing a green shirt and overalls. He wouldn't have looked out of place it a business suit, however farmer-like he seemed. Then again, innkeepers don't do so much menial labour.
Nimue took a deep breath, and laid her hand on my wound. "Does it hurt?"
I managed to open my mouth and mumbled, "Not really, but I feel odd, missing an arm."
Now that I saw Nimue and her father together, I could see that she had inherited her father's chocolate brown hair colour and large eyes. And when I looked over at her mother, I could see the younger female's facial shape and eye colour in her mother's. Most probably Nimue inherited her body from her mother as well.
"Well, I know you've been in enough trouble because of this town, but could you do us one last favour?" The innkeeper asked, scratching his head. "It's just the three of us. Just this family."
I stared at him blankly. It was a cue for him to go on, and he took it.
"Can you let Nimue travel with you? We always wanted her to go see the world for herself... And she always wanted to become a trainer herself, if not for the fact that we can't possibly let her walk to a metropolis on her own from this deserted village... And she also needs someone talented and experienced to learn from..."
Holy... "No wa-I mean, um, I don't think I can do this," I blurted out. "It was just a fluke..."
Then I noticed Nimue's face had gone red, and she was trying to hide it.
I soon found out why. The name of the game was coercion.
"We could have left you to die...We gave you blood from ourselves. The three of us are O-positive. We could siphon the blood from you and dump the dead body and nobody would know anything. Why, we could even cremate you like your friend was in the battle, and keep Exia hidden away and say you died fighting the monster..."
As I listened, my eyes went out of focus. Crap... Was this the situation I was in? Bull...
"Anyway, have you heard of a certain saying? Chinese, I think it was. When you save someone, you're responsible for that person's life." For a moment I thought it was Nimue who had spoken, before I realised the difference (this was deeper), and stared into the eyes of her mother.
Not much of a choice there.
I looked at Nimue, who was now looking downwards to let her fringe hide her face, and I looked over at her father, who had a scared expression on his face.
I was perfectly safe. The innkeeper didn't have the guts to kill me even if I rejected.
What Nimue's mother said echoed in my head though.
When you save someone, you're responsible for that person's life.
Didn't seem like such a bad policy to follow. And Nimue wasn't so bad. For one, she was pretty...and she was pretty short. Somehow, I liked shorter girls better. And she wasn't whiny and annoying like Artemis, if I was right. A cute and pretty sidekick...Why not? She'd probably cook meals for me and thus cut expenses...
"We'll even give her money so she pays for her own stuff," the innkeeper said, desperate.
That was the clincher.
"Alright..." I agreed.
"Good!" The man said happily.
"Nimue, get Gen to ring the city hospital," the woman said, but Nimue did not need telling: She was gone the moment I opened my mouth.
I relaxed and shut my eyes. "I'm going to rest..."
"That's a good idea," the woman said.
Then I let myself fall into the abyss of sleep.
"Exia. Exterminating target!"
06-27-2008, 04:48 PM
I don't care how it looks, but it's a simple story, a year or so after the timeline of Starkipraggy's conspiracies and fighting and killings and injuries and whatnot. It's a glimpse into Nimue's future for those who are honestly interested, but the main thing is the Pokemon captured. :3 Not accurate though, since this is a mostly for laughs story as well.
READY FOR GRADING.
Pokemon targetted: Diglett
Characters required: 5-10 K
Characters with spacing: 10353
(My MS Word died. D:)
My boots silently sank into the ground, as I wiped my eyes and raised my Go-Goggles to scan the desert. It was a vast expense of sand, sand, and more sand; dunes and dunes of it, forming great mountains to scale, a most formidable terrain to conquer; where the ground sinks in beneath your feet, and where one perpetually fears quicksand, and where the terrain is all over you. There was sand everywhere, including in my shirt, my clothes, even inside my knee-length boots. I was so sick and tired of the sand. I just wanted to get out of here.
As I thought this, a deluge of sand lashed into my face, and I opened my mouth while scouring my mind for the most foul word I could think of, and came up with none just as a large amount of sand slapped me in the face and forced the sand into my mouth, which had me on my knees, spitting and spitting and spitting and wiping my mouth and looking for an expletive and finding none. Some swear words would be nice to know for moments like this, which seemed to happen every single, single, single...ugh, time.
"Sandstorm," I muttered to myself as I spat out the last bits of sand and recovered, and then covered my mouth and nose with my overly-large, orange sleeveless top.
I thought back to the time when I had decided to come here, and got angry with my own ignorance.
"They say the desert is full of interesting Pokemon, Nimue. It would do you good to visit there."
"Maybe you'll get a few good Pokemon or two. Besides, I dare say Tessa needs a vacation."
"In the desert?"
"Why not? It'll be an interesting experience, and if everything fails, just toss her into the oasis and pray for the best."
"Umm...Hoenn's desert has an oasis?"
"Well...Just pour water on her or something."
"Never mind... I'll figure out something on my own."
And then I had headed out for the desert. Tessa was all dried up and I had returned her to her Pokeball, and now I was all alone, stumbling around in this crazy mess.
A chill ran down my spine suddenly, and I prayed that it was not yet another, another... another lousy Garchomp come to make my life miserable, except this time if a Garchomp decided to teleport here from Sinnoh and attack me, I would surely die.
It just so happened that I had the lousy luck to have the ground suddenly open under my feet, and I fell, screaming and flailing, to the bottom of the pit, where I smashed into something. Scrambling to my feet, I turned to find a dazed Trapinch at my feet.
By now, I was completely and thoroughly fed up with the desert in general. Not only that, all these digging Pokemon had caught me at least fifty times, causing me to have to beat them up (which made me feel rather guilty after the deed) and then use a lot of energy to climb out of the stupid resulting pit. So I snapped, and my pacifist nature shattered. I walked straight up to the Trapinch and began stomping on it.
"Will-you-lousy-little-critters-just-leave-me-alone-for-a-couple-of-days!? I-just-want-some-PEACE-AND-QUIET!!!" I screamed the last words, then slowly and labouriously climbed out of the pit, grinding my teeth.
It just so happened that the sandstorm cleared right about now, and lo and behold...
"AHA! WE LOCKED EYES! YOU MUST BATTLEZ MOI!!!" A boy my age dressed in a khaki shirt and trousers marched up to me, pulling out his Pokeballs, preparing for battle.
I waited until he was fourty paces away, then I ran towards him and he stopped, but I kept running. His expression changed from confused, then it became increasingly confused, and then surprise and subsequently blankness as I viciously clotheslined him into the ground then smashed my fist into his forehead.
"There, your battle! I win!" I screamed at him, then got up and stomped away, more annoyed than before.
"Ah, but it is not so easy to knock me out totally, m'dear."
I spun around and gasped in shock as he got to his feet.
"Do you lack food? My century-old grandma could throw stronger punches than that!" And then the trainer began to cackle maniacally. "You have not won yet, my dear. I give you two choices. Engage in a Pokemon battle with me, or we shall wrestle. I can assure you you will not win the latter."
"Oh really?" I walked up to him, cracking my knuckles (wincing with each crack; it hurts, alright!?) and picking my target.
"You're not such a tough girl after all." He smirked as he watched me wince cracking my knuckles, then he swung a right at me. Somehow, I managed to duck, and then I straightened and went straight for the vital area.
When my foot smashed upwards in between his legs, his face first turned green, then white, and then he toppled backwards, upon which I walked forward and followed up my attack by stomping on his crotch.
"I hate pushy guys!" I yelled, stomping once every syllable. Then I turned to leave.
"Crotch shots are not legal, my dear." I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder, and I screamed as I turned to see the boy completely unhurt.
"What are you!?" I exclaimed.
"I am Mazinkaiser! I surpass even gods and devils!" He crowed, thumping his chest with his fists like a gorilla.
"Mazinkaiser..." I shivered. Just a year ago, I had fought that monstrosity...
"Scared?" He asserted his power.
"Um, actually, no. You act more like King Kong than Mazinkaiser. Grow up and get a life." I turned to attempt to leave.
"Hold it right there! We locked eyes, and I think I have fallen in love with you at first sight, my dear." His voice sounded so mushy I wanted to throw up.
"Go find someone else to harass!" I tried to shrug off his hand, but he held me tight and pulled me towards him.
My instincts from being randomly touched by other boys took over. I smashed an elbow into his chest, then spun around and delivered a kick into the crotch.
It stunned him for a few seconds, and I quickly made to escape...
Then the ground opened beneath me.
"Kyaaaaah!" I screamed again as I fell to the bottom of the pit, but this time, I landed hard on the ground, and only the ground. My only consolation was that I had not landed on and injured another Pokemon, and I would not get another nasty bruise on my hip or buttocks from falling onto Pokemon with large and hard heads.
"Ah! Madamemoiselle! I will save you!" He utilised the disgusting mushy tone, pulling out a rope from nowhere and preparing to lasso me back up, spinning the end in the air.
No matter how much I hated the guy, he was my only ticket out of this stupid pit, so I raised my arms and prepared to comply, when I heard it.
I spun around to find the cute little mole-like creature before me, appearing out of the ground with a mound of accompanying soil.
"Wait!" I called up, but alas, I was lassoed. The one time someone can help me out of a pit, I make an amazing discovery that would rock the world. More evidence of Pokemon appearing in their non-native regions! But both times were Pokemon in the desert. Maybe they tunneled right through the planet to get from one desert to the other.
Placing my bet on my most favourite Pokemon, I threw down two Pokeballs: One empty, and one with my choice.
The blue, fourlegged animal with a long fish tail appeared in the pit, confused, looking tired and parched. The Diglett stared at her curiously, and she disgruntledly spat a jet of water at the Diglett, which it hastily dodged, and then it went underground.
"Chase it, Tessa!" A familiar voice came from above, and the Vaporeon looked up to find her trainer, and then proceeded to obey the command. It shot a Water Gun into the Diglett's hole, and there was a squeal...
As the Diglett tunneled in from underground and smashed into the Vaporeon from below and launched her into the air, which caused the squeal.
"Tessa!" Nimue hollered from above, both hands cupped around her mouth, her small, petite frame leaning over into the pit. She was about to give another order when she felt something seize her waist.
"Get off you pervert!" She screamed, kicking backwards, her foot ramming into something and then the momentum threw her forward and downwards into the pit, resulting in her landing backfirst painfully at the bottom of the Diglett's antlion-like trap.
"Vap!" The Vaporeon howled as it was once again assaulted by the Diglett, flung onto the steep walls of the place and then sent rolling back down towards the centre by gravity.
"No! Tessa!" Nimue cried, then she felt sharp claws slide across her side, and she jumped back to find herself bleeding slightly.
"Diglett." The Pokemon stared innocently at Nimue, then tunneled again.
Nimue's sharp blue eyes narrowed, and they took on a hard expression.
"Nobody hurts my Tessa and gets away," I snarled, pulling out a Pokeball. What was within was not mine: I had initially been afraid that I might not be able to control it due to it being of an extremely high level, but now was not the time.
"Sunabouzu!" I cried the name, and the Pokemon appeared: A massive, blue shark-like creature with deadly razor-sharp claws on the ends of its fingers and toes, and equally deadly scythe-like projections on the forearm that could cut, as I learnt when I had first faced it down with Starkipraggy. The wound had nearly claimed my life; I was fully aware of the dangers of the creature.
He roared, and smashed the ground, causing it to rumble and shake, tossing us around in the antlion pit, and then the other guy fell into the pit with a loud crack, sliding to the bottom.
I winced, in spite of everything.
The Diglett seemed to have sustained massive damage, and appeared in the middle of the antlion trap, the king valiantly trying to hold on to his throne.
Then Tessa put it out of its troubles by giving it a good Water Gun in the face.
Scrambling in my pocket for another Pokeball (I knew that the other one was gone for good), I tossed it in the Diglett's general direction.
"Madamemoiselle!" The guy suddenly appeared, crawling up to me.
I was freaked out by his sudden appearance and his attempts to court me even in an antlion trap, and with a loud howl of "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!" I kicked him aside, and he fell back into the antlion trap, right beside the shaking Pokeball. I stared hard. It shook once, twice...
07-05-2008, 02:35 PM
A young lass named Nimue has decided to explore the wonders of Hoenn’s desert, persuaded to do so by a stranger who’s name is not revealed. Upon entering the desert, she is frustrated to discover the abundance of annoying Pokemon who continuously jump her - and as she is in a rage of fury at her situation, she is spotted by a strange trainer who attempts to battle her but is, in fact, a creature known as Mazinkaiser.
First of all, who is Mazinkaiser? You never actually made this clear, and it left a large plot hole in the entirety of the story. Is it some kind of supernatural, frightening creature? Or were you attempting to poke fun at the character’s ego? This could have been made much more clear, and ruined the comedy that I’m sure you intended.
I liked how you incorporated the annoyance of the Mazinkaiser in the battle; it added a nice twist into the usual one on one battle between two Pokemon. With some comic relief, you pulled it off quite nicely. Well done.
The plot was, overall, not too shabby for me. Incorporating the use of a large attraction in the games without that much spin on the location’s plot generally doesn’t please me; but something about your story made me like it. Perhaps it was the small backstory of the character hating deserts but wanting to please her Vaporeon.
I found the fact that Mazinkaiser falling in love suddenly with Nimue a little unrealistic, however. He was just attempting to attack her, and now he was suddenly attempting to make out with her? That’s a little weird, and although I know you were attempting to make it funny, it was a little confusing and unrealistic. A little more description or reasoning for it would have made it better for me. :P
Nicely described. You were able to paint a clear, vivid picture of the overwhelming sand in the location (which is not an easy thing to do; describing a sandstorm must be one of the most boring things to do, as there really isn’t much to see but a faint colour of yellow. But you did it well; I commend you on that). However, all your beginning paragraphs had dire grammatical errors, which I’ll explain later in the grade.
However, I was a little disappointed in the amount of stock description you showed for the character herself. Sure, your descriptive and figurative language for the world around her was good, but you should always try to describe at least the build of your character when introducing her - being that she is the main character, and the story is shown from her perspective. In fact, I didn’t even know she was a girl until Mazinkaiser fell in love with her!
You’ve done your research; the length is adequate for a Diglett. Good work.
Your grammar is, overall, very well developed. You obviously went over your story once or twice and know what you’re doing in the grammar department. This was probably your strongest point in the story!
Although most of the simple stuff you have down pat, a lot of the mistakes that I found lie in your complex sentences. Now, it’s great that you’re developing your own style of writing by using lengthy sentences with depth and complexity, but you should be careful to not overuse your commas and descriptive words. It becomes confusing for the reader.
As an example, let’s take a look at your first paragraph:
My boots silently sank into the ground, as I wiped my eyes and raised my Go-Goggles to scan the desert. It was a vast expense of sand, sand, and more sand; dunes and dunes of it, forming great mountains to scale, a most formidable terrain to conquer; where the ground sinks in beneath your feet, and where one perpetually fears quicksand, and where the terrain is all over you.
The first sentence is great - nice and to the point. However, after that, I’d like you to read outloud the sentence that follows it. That is a lot of words for only one sentence. I bet you got a little confused while reading it out loud, eh? Although it’s good that you want to lengthen your descriptions and make your descriptive sentences longer, you need to be careful not to abuse your commas. In the second sentence you covered many aspects of description that could have been split into 2 other sentences, such as:
It was a vast expense of sand, sand and more sand; dunes and dunes of it, forming great mountains to scale. It was a most formidable terrain to conquer; where the ground sinks in beneath your feet, where one perpetually fears quicksand and where the terrain is all over you.
Notice how I cut out the ‘and’ after the second comma in the second sentence? You should try not to put ‘and’, which is a ‘joining word’ - joins two phrases together - after a comma, which is a pause inbetween two phrases. So, yeah. ^^
The next paragraph, in that first sentence, is also a mouthful. I won’t go through that one, but I’ll encourage you to take a look at it for yourself and see if you can shorten it to make it easier to understand. ^^
"AHA! WE LOCKED EYES! YOU MUST BATTLEZ MOI!!!"
Haha, I know you’re attempting to give some comic relief in this; but you know, and I know, that that is not correct grammar. Although it’s always good to give a comedic spin, in URPG stories there must always be correct grammar and spelling - though slang words is an exception. ‘Moi’ is alright, but ‘battlez’? It’s not slang at all, just a spelling difference that should be avoided. :P
That’s about it for grammar: I know it seems like I’m being harsh on the smallest things, but I’m really just trying to help you improve for further stories - and to find something to pick at, since your grammar was really just fantastic (despite the occasional typos). Keep up the good work. ^^
Your description skills are very advanced and to a high level; well done in this area. I really have nothing to nitpick at, since your figuratative language is used very nicely and smoothly throughout the entire story, creating a vivid picture for the reader.
The only suggestion I have for this area is just to be careful to not ‘over describe’ things. Like in the first paragraph, sometimes you try to pack a lot of descriptions into a single sentence, creating a messy scene. One or two descriptions per object should suffice, but definitely not if there are two or three objects in the same sentence, each with two descriptions of it. Just be careful. :P
I liked how the battle switched from being first person to begin with to third person in order to give the reader a larger perspective of what was going on in the scene. Usually I would discourage the switching of first to third person in stories, but you were able to pull it off adequately, making it a smooth transition but also artistic.
Not much to say here. Although I would have liked to see a little more from Tessa’s end of the battle, it was still a nice battle and fairly two sided and lengthy. Good work.
A nice plot, great descriptions and grammar and a pleasant battle; I think your great story is enough to secure the Simple Diglett. So, Diglett Captured! Have fun with the mole thingo. :P
10-16-2008, 02:48 PM
It's time for some canon action. Nowhere as freaking epic as the Scyther one from last time though. This focuses more on the trainers background, sort of. I intended to only write for one Pokemon, but I blabbed so much that...
Pokemon targetted: Eevee and Sneasel
Level: 2x Hard
Characters required: 40-50 K
Characters without spacing: 43,620
Characters with spacing: 53,028
READY FOR GRADING.
Sorairo Days [Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann Opening Theme]
KI ZU NA by JAM Project [Soul Taker Ending Theme]
I get this feeling I'm producing an anime. @_@
I couldn't think of a good title after I included the Sneasel, but this should do for now.
It was good to be back on the beaten path. I wasn’t really going for beating Gyms, but the nicely laid out paths were nice to walk on compared to mountainous hikes or uneven terrain. Hell, a lot of people think sand is easy to walk on, but it’s not. Nice, flat paths are good.
The cape that I had been struggling with just a week ago was now handy in hiding my missing arm. The storage pocket idea worked as well, and it helped me manage with my left hand better. I was originally right-handed, so it had been a tough past week, doing everything with my non-dominant arm.
It had been an uneventful week since the villagers had air-lifted me to the hospital. All I did was lie there with blood transfusing into my arm, reading a few books, planning my destinations…But it got boring fast. Using the internet was a no-go as well. I couldn’t type fast enough on forums (One lousy hour to make a short role play post. Rrrgh.) I did become more acquainted with my left arm, but it wasn’t enough. I could not throw Pokeballs as accurately as I once could, which was annoying, to say the least.
Which was why, even though I had not really fully recovered, I had taken a ship to Vermillion and started trekking towards Celadon. Right arm was important. Very important. It would probably take longer to master tossing a Pokeball with my left arm than with a new right arm anyway. A reliable surgeon I knew lived there, and he would definitely be handy this time. The pun is not intended.
We were making good progress. Even though I had followed the doctor’s advice not to overexert myself, I was halfway to Saffron in 30 minutes, which was the average speed of trainers that had trekked this path before.
It was only then that I thought of the person following me, and turned around, only to get a huge shock.
Nimue was behind me, dressed in an overly-large orange sleeve-less shirt that actually seemed more of a night shirt than anything else, over a white long-sleeved shirt that ended just below her ample bosom, and a pair of denim shorts that started from her waist all the way down to half her calf (I could see everything through the massive arm holes in her orange shirt). Her footwear was a pair of knee-length boots. What scared me was not how she was dressed; it was her face.
Tired blue eyes stared at me, her mouth pressed softly together. I had a feeling her teeth were clenched as well. Her lips were gray, and she was lagging behind by a couple of metres or so, staggering as she went. She was nearly finished.
“Are you tired?” I asked the obvious.
She shook her head slightly.
I looked at her suspiciously. “Let’s rest.”
She shook her head again as best as she could. “I don’t wanna weigh you down.” her voice was a whisper.
“Well, I’m tired, so we rest.” It simply would not do for her to collapse on me. How was I supposed to transport her with one arm? I spotted a rest stop, and grabbing the young girl’s sleeve, dragged her towards it. As a testament to her stubbornness, she tried to dig her feet into the ground so I could not pull her, but she had barely enough strength to stand as it was, and her lack of mass helped as well. It wasn’t long before we got there, and I pretty much threw her onto a seat before sitting down beside her. Not too close, mind, people of today get all sorts of wrong ideas. Close enough as a sign that I was related to her, far enough that to show we weren’t involved in some sappy teen romance or something like that.
I kept an eye on her to make sure she wasn’t hyperventilating or having breathing problems again. Honestly now, this girl seemed to have serious medical problems. It took a while for colour to return to her face, and I stared at her torso, noting how she was breathing, since I wasn’t close enough to hear her breaths. Besides, there were other people in the rest stop as well, and their chatter created massive interference for someone trying to listen to the sound of another person breathing. As soon as I decided she had caught her breath enough to speak, I spoke.
“Have you ever gone on a hike before?”
“Yes. Once. With my parents.” She did not seem surprised that I was asking her these questions. She did not even so much as cast her eyes in my direction, let alone turn her head.
“Well, this is about the same thing as an ordinary hike as well.”
At this, she blushed and turned away slightly. “It wasn’t much of a hike at the end, since after like fifteen minutes of walking, I collapsed…”
This piece of information gave me a rude awakening. “Is your body that weak?”
She stared at her toes and did not speak.
“Go on. I need to know. I can’t have you collapsing on me while we’re traveling.”
“You’re avoiding the question, Nimue. Tell me.”
She stiffened slightly.
“If you won’t tell me, I’m going to leave right now, and you can go straight back home.”
This had a drastic effect on her. She lifted her head to meet my eyes. I could see her eyes for a moment: Wide and fearful. Then she dropped her head in embarrassment.
“If I…If I tell you, promise me you won’t do anything drastic.”
Surely it couldn’t be that bad… “Promise.”
She took a deep breath and then choked on it, rattling her small, fragile-looking frame as she coughed. All heads swiveled around to look at her.
“It’s nothing. Sorry. Please carry on with what you’re doing,” I said as I gently thumped her back, shifting closer to her to do so.
It took a minute or so for her to compose herself again. By then I was sitting right next to her.
She gulped in a few deep breaths and began to speak.
“According to my parents…There’ve been a lot of times that I’ve fallen ill so badly that they had to get a helicopter to airlift me to the nearest hospital…They said that…Um…I had something called a…a…ne…mic…anemic or something. Something about not enough blood. Then I had something else called…Um…As…ma? Asma or something. Then they also said I had a weak nervous system or something like weird like that. I dunno.” She shuddered slightly. “Anyway, all I know is that I’m really weak…”
And finishing her little speech, she looked up into my eyes. It was some sort of silent plea.
Seriously, had I not bound myself under her conditions, I would have sent her home right away. A fragile girl like her could not stay in my hands and expect to have her needs taken care of. She would definitely fall sick many times over and slow me down drastically. But I had already promised her. What? Don’t give me that look. I may be despicable, but I’m loathe to break promises. However, the promise only extended to me doing anything drastic as a result of her revelation: I could do something drastic if the circumstances were bad enough to give me a good excuse to send her home.
“Don’t look at me like that. I already promised you I would not do anything drastic. Are you alright?” I reassured her.
"We'll stay here for a while more, then we'll move on."
She didn't answer, and I began thinking long and hard of a way to create that kind of bad situation.
We resumed walking again soon enough. I kept a better eye on her this time around. Some colour had returned to her face when we resumed walking, but soon enough she was pale again. I simply ignored her; Celadon was in sight already, and I had no wish to stop to pamper her.
We stepped into the bustling city, and I immediately headed for the Pokemon Centre in town to get a room. Lodgings at the Pokemon Centre were cheap and convenient for the average trainer. Although hotels existed, only those determined to their privacy and willing to spend on it stayed in hotels. As a result, most Pokemon Centres are one of, if not the biggest buildings in any given city or town with one, holding a large amount of rooms (about one to two thousand rooms for the cities and areas with Pokemon Gyms, and in less popular areas, about five hundred to a thousand, and even in the most out of the way Pokemon Centres, there are at least five rooms for trainers to stay the night in).
Having been in Celadon before this, I was at least slightly familiar with the town, and had memorized the location after going through trek after trek back to the Pokemon Centre during the course of my stay there. What was even better was that I had a city map that I had bought the last time I was here.
“Take note of where I’m bringing you, it’s an important place for trainers. Have you ever heard of a Pokemon Centre?” I turned to ask.
“Uh…? Um… I guess…” Nimue’s eyes were half-closed and unfocused. Her lips were grey. She tottered slightly and I swiftly seized her shoulders, and began steering her towards the Pokemon Centre.
“Just hang in there for a while more; we’re gonna get there soon,” I ordered.
She didn’t respond. In retrospect, she was still on her feet through sheer force of will; she probably was not even concentrating on anything any more except keeping her feet moving.
We made our way down a couple of main streets, and the Pokemon Centre rose like a red-and-white behemoth in front of us. This particular Pokemon Centre was built as a skyscraper to dominate the Celadon skyline along with the famed Department Store, where scores upon scores of merchandise were placed for the buyer’s pleasure. Thinking about this, I suddenly wondered how Nimue would behave in the store. I know Artemis would have gone crazy and tried to buy everything she could lay her hands on before I had to step in and remind her we did not have a lot to spare in the first place, and she ended up leaving with only a keychain or something.
I craned my neck to peek at the bottom of the massive Pokeball sitting on top of the complex before the blue tinted automatic doors slid open and cold air hit my face.
The instant we walked in, Nimue’s legs gave way.
I quickly grabbed her under her arms to keep her from collapsing. Or tried to. Everybody stopped what they were doing and looked at us with complete silence as I dragged her over to the side of the main lobby, which was heavily furnished with sofas, and a fat guy moved over to make space for us, looking at her questioningly. I dumped her on the seat, and inspected her, wiping my brows, which were sweaty from the effort.
Her eyes were closed, her lips grey, and she was unresponsive when I shook her. She had probably fainted from exhaustion.
“What’s wrong with her?” The fat guy said, breaking through the silence.
“I think she’s fainted,” I answered truthfully.
“You’d better bring her to the hospital, dude. Sure she’s not dead?” The fat guy said bluntly.
Instantly I seized her wrist and checked her pulse. Weak, but still there. “She’s still alive.”
“Well, in that case bring her to the morgue.”
“What?” I stared at him. So did everyone else.
“Hmm? Oops, I meant hospital.” He quickly corrected himself.
Looking at him suspiciously, I grabbed Nimue and slung her over my left shoulder. As I made to leave the Pokemon Centre, Nurse Joy called out, “Wait!”
I turned back to her as she came skittering around from behind the counter.
“I can give you a room first and then get a doctor to come up and look at her. Follow me.” Then she turned back and called to the Chansey traditionally behind the desk helping out, “Take care of things here for a while, Chansey!”
“Chansey!” The pink Pokemon cried happily in the affirmative as Nurse Joy led me to the lift lobby, then into a lift and up to the 3rd floor, and let me into room 386.
It was a passable room, as most Pokemon Centre lodgings were. The floor was tiled with generic ceramic tiles, a short corridor led into the main room, with the door to the bathroom placed in the left wall of the corridor from my current perspective. Two durable wooden double-decker beds stood against the wall inside the room. The one annoying thing about Pokemon Centre provided rooms was that you had to put on the bedsheets and pillow covers on your own.
“I’ll go call the doctor now, I’ll ring you when he’s coming up,” Nurse Joy told me, slipping the key into my pocket, and then she left.
I kicked off my own shoes, went into the bathroom, propped Nimue up against the toilet bowl, then removed her knee-length boots and socks and washed her feet, before removing my own socks and washing my own feet. Then I went out and set the covers, before returning for Nimue.
I reached for her, then something struck me. I stared at her unconscious face, and at her grey lips… And then her body…
No, I could not do it. If I did… Bad things would happen. (Let’s not go into detail here)
So I restrained myself, carried her to the bed and laid her there. I was starting up my Pokédex when the phone rang. I picked up.
“The doctor is on his way up now.” I heard Nurse Joy’s voice.
“Thank you.” And I hung up.
I waited at the door and looked out through the peephole. The instant I saw a shadow flicker over, I yanked open the door.
The stooped, balding, white-haired old man outside the door staggered backwards, and stared at me through thick glasses. He looked more like a scientist than a doctor, with his bushy white moustache and his white trench coat, underneath which lay a shirt and pants.
We recognized each other instantly.
“Sharp as ever, aren’t ya, boy?” He made to enter and I stepped aside for him, before shutting the door behind the two of us.
“When you live like me, it’s only natural,” I remarked.
He reached towards my left shoulder and I flinched involuntarily.
“Looks like you lost an arm this time.” He smiled sinisterly, before moving further in. “Oh ho, what’s this? So one must be sharp to be a playboy, hmm?”
“Of course not. And I’m not a playboy, Doctor Mason.”
“Hah! It’s none of my business. My policy is the same from then until now. All I want to know is, do you want to know about the young lady or about yourself?”
“Nurse Joy knows about you? That’s pretty brazen. Well, since it’s you, how about both?”
“I’m charging double.” He wagged a finger. “Don’t regret it. At any rate, I don’t do those underground operations much any more. I’m old. The stuff turns out bad now. So I got myself listed, and got a clinic from some guy who wanted to retire with his kids, and it happens to be out here, so I’m rolling in the cash.”
“You sure ramble a lot now compared to last time. Now get down to business.”
“Ah yes, I apologise. A lonely old man like me itches to tell his stories. Anyway…” He squatted beside the bed and took Nimue’s pulse, then felt her forehead, then pulled out a stethoscope and listened to the beat of her heart.
“It’s probably just exhaustion, but this girl is extremely weak. You’d better take care of her. Anyway, a couple of days of rest will fix her. Don’t bring her running around too much.” He shakily got to his feet. “Now take off your shirt.”
I obliged, shrugging off the cape and pulling off the shirt with some help from the doctor.
“Heh, what a clean cut. Whatever you ran into sure had one sharp tool,” he remarked, gently tracing the wound.
“Can you replace the arm?”
“Well, I’ll try. It’s a simple enough procedure. I won’t endanger your life if I screw up, you’ll just have a few more stitches on you.”
“Right. So, we go back to your old place?”
“Well, yes. Luckily for you, I’m currently reactivating that place for some other black market guy. I’ll ask him if I can use those facilities one last time, along with his nurses and sources, since I’ve released my nurses and I’ve lost contact with the underworld.”
“Is it guaranteed?”
“Well, it better, because I sold it to him on the cheap.”
“I guess it’s settled then.”
“Right. You know the drill, don’cha, boy?”
“It’ll take a couple of days. Your trainer ID change?”
“Interesting. I’m surprised you haven’t been caught.”
“No, old man, I’m just like you now. Starting over. Managed to keep this though.” I looked at the Pokédex in my hand.
He chuckled in understanding. “You’re a funny one. I’ll phone you when you can come down.” He made for the door. “I can see myself out. You take care now.”
And the door shut and I was left on my own.
I peeked down at Nimue’s sleeping form, then went to bathe.
After managing to struggle into my clothes, I exited the bathroom, then went to look over at Nimue, and began to study her carefully to ensure she was still alive. Some colour had returned to her face and lips, but she had not moved an inch. I put a finger to her nostrils. Still breathing. It seemed normal to me; well at least it was similar to the last time I had put my finger to someone’s nostril to see if they were still breathing.
I spent a while staring at her. It was already night time, and with the light from the moon, her features were more stunning than ever. Her chocolate brown hair lay softly on the pillow. Her eyes were gently closed, her lips were gently parted. Her hands lay beside her head almost as if she were surrendering, as it was when I tossed her onto the bed and after Doctor Mason had taken her pulse…
Then I started getting strange thoughts, and quickly ushered myself to the other side of the room, ascended the ladder, and got into bed, and I tried to shut out my own thoughts until I fell asleep.
I woke from an odd dream. Shaking my head and scratching my hair, I yawned, then opened my eyes.
To see Nimue’s bright, intelligent blue eyes staring down at me.
I screamed as I sat up in bed, only to realize that I was dreaming. She was not on top of me. Looking over the side, I saw that Nimue was still in bed. Her large, orange sleeveless over-shirt was lying on the floor beside the bed, and she had a hand on her stomach, and the other stretched up above her head. Evidently she was now sleeping, and not totally unconscious. I looked upon her. Her long-sleeved white shirt only came down to right below her chest, then my eyes flickered to her chest…
I quickly pulled my eyes away, and got out of bed. I needed to control myself…
I went into the bathroom, brushed my teeth and washed my face, got dressed, and without a second look at Nimue, went out.
I went into the canteen and got a sandwich, amid stares from a large amount of the Pokemon Centre’s population. Being fed-up with the stares from all around, I quickly gobbled up my sandwich, left the Pokemon Centre, and then strode out of town hastily.
Once a distance away from the city, I tossed the two occupied Pokeballs on me onto the ground. One opened to reveal a fat, rotund yellow rodent with long yellow ears tipped with black and a large lightning-bolt-shaped tail, with opposable thumbs on his claws; the other contained a sleek, streamlined green bug much like a preying mantis; the arms ending in scythes, possessing insect wings, and clawed feet, as well as a large abdomen.
“Pikapika!” The Pikachu cried confidently.
The Scyther was deadly silent as it sized me up. I opened up my Pokedex and began to size it up. Skipping past the Pokedex data, I went on to its vital stats. Immediately one rather glaring fact struck me.
“This Scyther is female, huh?”
10-16-2008, 02:49 PM
“Chu!?” The Pikachu said, surprised this time. The Scyther glared at him, and he immediately contrived to make himself as small-sized as possible.
I looked up bemusedly, before rechecking the Scyther’s stats. It was of a significant power level, far greater than my Pikachu’s. I quickly strode slightly towards the city to get a slight wireless Internet connection… There! A signal! I got the Pokedex to compare the stats with those in the database. Within a minute, the Pokedex returned that the Scyther was of a level that surpassed that of Gym Leaders. I had no doubt in my mind now that this Scyther had previously been trained. Wild Pokemon did not suddenly achieve power levels above that of those belonging to Gym Leaders.
My ears suddenly detected a rustling sound in the bushes, and before the Pokemon could appear, the Scyther was off; and by the time I could actually see the wild Pokemon that had attacked, the Scyther had laid waste to it; the Vulpix lay on the ground, badly injured.
I shuddered involuntarily and called out, “Scyther, return!”
It glared at me, then unwillingly walked back.
I scratched my head. I was unaccustomed to calling Pokemon by their species name: To me, it seemed weird that one would give their Pokemon names that did not make them unique; complicating identification. But what to call it?
As I scratched my head, thinking back to the circumstances of our encounter, a brainwave struck me.
The Scyther already had a name.
The Scyther turned to face me.
“Your name is Exia. Is that okay?”
For a moment I thought there was a sad smile on its face, then it was back to its cold, aloof self. I dismissed it as my imagination.
“Okay, the two of you, let’s get out there and do some training.”
When I finally returned to the Pokemon Centre after a grueling morning of trying not to get a heart attack from the Scyther’s swift attacks. Before I knew it, it was raining injured Pokemon; as Exia took them down one by one. Every time there was a thump Felix and I jumped at least two centimeters into the air in shock.
“At least I know now that my heart is fine,” I mumbled to myself, looking up as the sliding glass doors of the Pokemon Centre entrance opened.
The first thing I saw was a certain girl with chocolate-brown hair, dressed in a short-sleeved light-blue dress that came down to her knees, leaning on the counter.
The girl turned; indeed, it was she. Pardon the awkward phrase, but it was the only thing I could think of. The dress she was wearing was the exact same one she had worn when she was still at her parents’ inn.
I walked up to the counter, and placed my Pikachu’s Pokeball on the counter.
“Nurse Joy, can you make sure this little guy hasn’t had cardiac arrest? Thank you.”
She looked at me oddly, and then went to give Felix a check-up.
“What happened?” Nimue asked me. She leaned backwards against the counter now, her hands behind her. She was looking much better now, her lips and cheeks a normal colour.
“I went out to train,” I told her. “Thing is, the Scyther took down things faster than we could spot them. We got a shock every other second. I’m surprised I actually made it back here. That, and I had a lot of trouble throwing Pokeballs. I tried capturing a few Pokemon, but I kept missing the mark.” I flexed the fingers of my left hand. “Can’t do without my right arm…”
“I can throw Pokeballs for you!” Her face lightened up.
“Well, I’ll see. Have you eaten?”
“No… I was waiting for you to get back, since I don’t have any money on me…”
“Let’s go to the canteen then.”
I brought her there and got in queue. She craned her neck up at the menu printed on boards above the counters, and I noticed her frown very deeply.
“I don’t recognize a lot of the food… What’s hamburger? And chicken chop? And French fries?”
I blinked. “You’ve never eaten these before?”
She shook her head.
Slowly, painstakingly, I explained the entire menu to her. Interestingly, she quickly made a decision, and we both bought some food, sat down, and dug in; for I was feeling hungry as well. We quickly finished, and I brought her out, collecting Felix from Nurse Joy on the way out. Thankfully, he was still alive, kicking, and extremely healthy.
“Nimue, have you ever heard of the Celadon Department Store?”
“It’s a famous store in this city. This store is extremely large, and sells nearly anything that people want or need.”
So I brought her there.
The Celadon Department Store had changed; for the better. The floors were just as polished as before, but the patterns on it had changed into a bright, interesting pattern, instead of some weird hypnotic pattern they had when I last came. I studied Nimue’s face as she walked in. She was surprised by the decorations, and as I brought her up every floor, I watched as her amazement grew and grew until she was walking around with her mouth open in surprise.
“Wow, these Pokemon look odd!”
“Those are dolls.”
“Really!?” She picked one up and gasped and dropped it in surprise. “It’s so light! And fluffy!” And she held the Mudkip plushie close to her bosom for a while, before she replaced it on the shelf, surprising me.
“You don’t want it?”
She just shook her head gently. “I prefer the real living thing.” And then she smiled. It was such a beautiful smile that I found myself dazed by it. My feet moved without me thinking. And we just walked on like this for a while.
“Umm… Starki? Why are we walking in circles?” Nimue asked, tugging my left sleeve.
I snapped out of my funk, and looked around. Oops.
“Hmm? Oh. It’s nothing. Let’s move on.”
We moved past the floor purely selling evolution items and Technical Machines, and went up to the next floor.
“This is the fifth floor, where they sell drugs and Pokemon.”
It was like the other floors, with a counter selling drugs to enhance Pokemon performance permanently, and another counter with a shelf full of Pokeballs behind it, both manned by staff.
I felt her fingers close around my arm.
“I don’t like this place… It’s so scary…”
She shook her head, afraid to speak, so I quickly led her to the roof.
The air at the roof of the Department Store was fresh and absolutely relaxing. I bought a can of lemonade and a can of soda pop, and gave the lemonade to her. We leaned against the railing, and I popped my can. Seeing her confused look, I opened hers, and then let her drink some of both, and got her to pick one. She took the soda pop, and drank it with great relish.
“Tasty!” She gasped happily as she downed the last drop of it.
I smiled and finished mine, and then took the can from her and put it in the recycling bin. If I had the use of my master hand, I would have thrown it for sure, but I knew I would miss, and thus I refrained.
“C’mon, let’s go back.”
She nodded, and we left.
Celadon City, being home to the renowned Grass-type Gym of Kanto, which only accepted females into its Gym membership and prided itself in flower arrangement when not battling, possessed a sizable park packed with flowers, all aesthetically placed for the viewing pleasure. Not only that, there were also daily performances by the Pokemon living around in the park; dancing performances. The Oddish, Gloom, Vileplume, and Bellossum came out and danced around.
We were sitting on a bench together, enjoying the performance from afar, when my Pokedex started vibrating.
“I need to take a call. Stay here,” I told her, and she nodded, absorbed in the performance.
I stepped a few metres away, and took the call.
“You ready to be operated on tonight?”
“You owe me a big favour for this, kiddo. A new model from an extremely good prosthetic arm maker just came out, and I pulled damn near every single connection I had to the limit just to get it for you. That, and I had to hire some punks to go with me to convince the dude to let me use the place tonight.”
“When I start piling in money from being a trainer, old man, a large amount of it is going to you.”
“Bah, I don’t need money. Money? What is money? Just figures and numbers and data, but once upon a time it was paper. Heh. Just be sure to visit me once every season, y’hear?”
“If we’re both still alive, I don’t see why not.”
“You’d better, since I’ve already fulfilled my end of the bargain.”
“Right. What time?”
“Twenty-three hundred. You can come late, but if you’re too late, I might’ve fallen asleep.”
“Got you. Bye.”
“See you, boy.”
I hung up and returned to Nimue. The performance was over by then, but it was no great loss. I had seen it multiple times before, with Artemis, when I was having my operation to replace my hands… It had not changed much since then.
“What happened?” Nimue asked, breaking my train of thought.
“I’m having an operation tonight.”
“Operation? Why? You’re not hurt…” Nimue frowned.
I leaned forward and whispered into her ear. “I’m gonna get my arm replaced.”
Before she could respond, I quickly added, “This kind of thing is pretty black-market, so don’t go around announcing it, okay?”
I withdrew, and she nodded uncertainly.
“Let’s go have dinner. Can you take oily and fried things?”
“Well, Mummy lets me eat some once in a while, so I guess it’s fine.”
“Well, then we’ll have fast food.”
“…What’s fast food?”
“Basically it’s a place that sells food that’s already ready-made. All you need to do is go up to the counter and order it, and they’ll give it to you in a paper box. If you ordered a burger, they’ll give you the burger wrapped in paper.”
“I understand. Thank you.”
We continued walking. As we approached an alley, I tugged at her sleeve, and she followed me into the alley unhesitatingly as I said, “Short-cut.”
Then I tripped over something and fell head over heels onto the ground, yelling in surprise.
“Oh no! Are you okay?”
I waited for Nimue to grab me and hoist me to my feet, but she did not come, so I struggled into a sitting position.
Nimue was kneeling and examining something. I got on my feet and squatted beside her.
“An Eevee… Looks pretty roughed up.”
“Vui…!” The Eevee stood with great difficulty and growled at us before collapsing again, whimpering.
Flicking open my Pokedex, I checked its status. “This little thing has an owner. I guess we should bring it to a Pokemon Centre. It doesn’t look too friendly, so let’s do this.” I pulled out a Pokeball.
Then I sensed something approaching us, and I jumped and pushed Nimue aside as something smashed into the ground where we were.
“Keh! Hold this!” I stuffed the empty Pokeball into Nimue’s hand, reaching for those of my Pokemon.
The alley was dark and so was most of it, but I could make it out by the red feathers on its head and its gleaming claws.
“A Sneasel, huh? Try this on for size!” I found one of the two non-empty Pokeballs I had and threw it.
Felix exploded from his Pokeball.
“Serve up a Thunderbolt!” I ordered and got to my feet. Nimue helped me a little, so it was much easier.
“Vui!” The Eevee leapt out from its hiding place and assaulted Felix violently before he could unleash the charge, and he ended up zapping both the Eevee and himself together.
Both of them flopped over in a heap.
“Now, Nimue! Throw the Pokeball at the Eevee!”
“The ball I gave you! Throw it!”
“Hyah!” She threw the Pokeball…
Then it got sliced into two by the Sneasel.
“Wanna play rough huh?” I quickly released the other Pokeball.
Exia appeared in a burst of white light and began moving as a green blur. The Sneasel exchanged blows with it once or twice, and was thrown back, crashing into a trash can and tumbling to the ground as the trash can gave way under the force and fell onto the ground.
I quickly passed Nimue two Pokeballs. “Throw them!”
She threw the first and missed.
Exia rapidly approached to finish the Sneasel off, when the Sneasel quickly swiped the trash can lid, rolled to its feet, dodged Exia’s slashes and nailed her hard on the head with the lid.
“Crap,” I muttered as the Sneasel leapfrogged over my by now unconscious Scyther, which was about to eat dirt. “Nimue, you have to hit it now!”
She was breathing fast and sweating. Raising her right hand, she threw the other Pokeball.
It hit the floor very far before the Eevee, bounced once, twice, and was about to touch the Eevee when the Sneasel crushed it by slamming its paw into it.
Felix decided to wake up then, and then the Sneasel quickly punched him in the face, and he flopped back onto the ground.
Then the Eevee awakened, and both Pokemon quickly fled the scene before we could react.
We stood there for a few moments silently, then I turned to Nimue.
“It’s all your fault!”
“I’m sorry...” She looked away from me.
I was boiling with rage, and nearly lashed out at her, but I decided not to, since I was hardly in the right either. To think her accuracy was so bad… I would have been better off throwing the Pokeballs myself. I withdrew my Pokemon into their balls and walked on.
“Ah… wait up!” Nimue ran after me.
We didn’t speak, until we reached the fast food joint.
“What do you want?”
She stared at the board. “What’s a taco?”
“Figure it out yourself.” I was in no mood to humour her; in fact, I was secretly hoping that I could get her into trouble here.
“It sounds interesting.” She tried to sound bright and happy. “I guess I’ll get that.”
I ordered a double cheeseburger, and we both sat down at a table with drinks and fries. I opened my cheeseburger and wolfed it down, trying to dispel my anger by chewing on large bites. Noticing this, Nimue glumly unwrapped her taco, and began to eat quickly, presumably so that she would be done when I was.
Then she started coughing, then threw up the taco onto the tray. She clutched her throat and retched into the tray, and whatever that had gone into her stomach now appeared again, and then after that there was nothing but acid. The area around her lips was extremely red, like a rash…
She seized her drink and slurped half of it down, but she still looked uncomfortable.
“Girl, are you alright?” The woman sitting at the table beside us asked, sliding over to the empty seat beside Nimue.
“Lemme take a look at you.” The woman gently turned Nimue’s face towards her and examined her lips. “You’re probably allergic to something in that taco…”
“It stings…” She mumbled, gingerly prodding the red area.
“Does this happen when you eat bread or chicken?” The woman inspected the taco.
“That’s probably it. My clinic is just down the road. Let me give you some medicine for your rash.” The woman stood up.
“Rash?” Nimue looked bewildered.
“A rash is a patch of skin that’s red and feels as if it’s stinging. Come on, let’s go.”
“Excuse me, but what are you trying to pull?” I was suspicious of this woman.
“Nothing. You can come with me if you want.” The woman seemed to be at ease.
Nimue seemed eager to listen to this woman, and gave me a pleading look.
“Gah, fine, I’ll go with you.” I finished my burger and downed the drink before standing up.
“Let’s go then.” The woman picked up her own food and drink and made to leave. I followed, and I noticed Nimue swipe her drink from the table and follow.
We left the clinic about an hour later, after the doctor had confirmed that Nimue was really allergic to chilli, and got her a certificate to certify it, which I stored a digital copy in my Pokedex, and then Nimue got some salve to apply on her rash so it would subside faster. Turns out that woman was actually a highly qualified general practitioner. How unexpected. I sighed and looked up.
The sky was dark now…
“What’s the time now?” Nimue asked me, doing the same thing.
“Eight in the evening.”
“Let’s go see the stars.”
I looked at her incredulously. The rash had subsided quite a bit; now it was not as red as a cooked lobster.
“You can’t see the stars in the city.”
She turned to look at me, confused. “Why not?”
I raised my fingers to the heavens. See all the lights around?”
“They’re very bright lights, aren’t they?”
“Well, they are so bright that the light of the stars in the sky are masked by their light. And if you can’t see the light of the stars properly, you can’t really see many stars.”
“Oh, oh! That star must be really bright then!” She pointed at a very bright spot in the sky.
“Oh. That’s just one of our neighbouring planets.”
“Planet? Oh, oh, planet.” She nodded. “I know what a planet is, Daddy told me before. Which planet is it?”
“If I recall correctly, that would be Venus.”
“Hmm, okay. Can’t we go to the park to see the stars?”
“No. They’ve lit up the park after there were a lot of cases of molest and rape in there.”
Nimue frowned. “That means there aren’t any places where we can see stars here? Humph…”
“I already told you, there is no place in this city to watch the stars from. Let’s go to the arcade for a while before the operation.
“It’s a place where people play video games.”
“Oh. Can we not go? I don’t fancy video games…”
“You’ll like it. Come on.”
“No… You’re having an operation later, shouldn’t you go back to rest?” Nimue had an uncomfortable look on her face.
I studied her for a few moments, then chuckled. “All right, we’ll go back. I don’t need anyone to see you and think of strange things either.”
“Huh?” She gasped. “No, that’s not it… I just wanted to take a rest…” She admitted sheepishly.
I raised an eyebrow at her. “You don’t have to be so roundabout if that is so. Resting is perfectly fine. There is a Chinese idiom that goes ‘Resting is for going a greater distance’.” I seized her by the shoulders. “Look, Nimue, there’s no shame in admitting you are tired, all right?”
She was surprised. “Are you really okay with that?”
I let go of her. “One of the things I’ve learnt is that everyone has their limit. You get stronger by pushing your limit, but you must know when to stop or you will collapse. And if you collapse, you take a longer time to recover.”
She was silent.
“Well, let’s go back then.”
So we began walking back to the Pokemon Centre.
After we walked some distance, she spoke.
“Say, Starki, do you know any left-handed people?”
“Not that I know of. Why?”
“Um, well… I’ve heard of them, but I’ve never really seen one… What do you think of them?”
“You make it sound like such a big deal,” I snorted. “They’re just people who are more proficient with their left hand. Nothing more, nothing less. Just the same as you and me.” To emphasize my point, I pointed to myself, and then to her. She flinched unexpectedly when I pointed at her.
“What?” I dropped my finger.
10-16-2008, 02:50 PM
“Eh? Um, er, nothing…” She looked away. Though curious, I decided not to pursue the matter and looked up to the sky; I was beginning to feel jittery, now that the time was near. Would it be all right, or would there be massive screw-ups or my body rejecting the implant? After all, man and machine are made of extremely different materials; even in organ transplants, no matter how close the match is, the donor’s body may reject the organ; and a hunk of metal must be more unnatural than an actual organ to the body. I had wanted to go to the arcade to play a few games to relax, but Nimue had just recovered from an exhausting trip, and she might suddenly faint. And then there were other rather extreme factors; might she have an epileptic fit? Or have some odd allergy to video games that she was hiding? This girl was more trouble than she was worth…
I looked at Nimue again, and she was looking ahead with a happy smile on her face.
I smiled as well, looking back at the sky. Maybe not…
“Pokemon and humans alike… They must bow and serve me!!! BA~HAHAHAHA!!!”
“Not so fast, Doctor Hell! This Mazinger Z of mine will defeat you!!!”
We were in the canteen of the Pokemon Centre. Nimue wanted a hot drink, and was delighted to find that at least the hot drinks were familiar. I got three cups of hot chocolate, and we were all slurping it down in front of the television in the canteen, which was now showing a re-run of a live-action version of Mazinger Z. The original was of a giant robot called Mazinger Z piloted by a guy named Kabuto Kouji fighting mechanical beasts; the live-action one replaced the robot with a Charizard, and the pilot was now the trainer of the Charizard, while the mechanical beasts were replaced by various big and tough looking Pokemon. This episode’s enemy was a Metagross. Well, it was the penultimate episode, so they were having an epic fight. Felix was drooling into his already empty mug; Exia watched with her head cocked skeptically to one side, stabbing a piece of PokeChow like a kebab and lifting and slowly nibbling at it from time to time; Nimue was half-concentrating on the show and half-concentrating on warming her hands on the mug; I was looking around at my company now, trying not to look at the show. The original animation was awesome. The live-action made my eyes burn.
There were groans from all around as the “To Be Continued…” text came on screen, just like I had expected it to. I watched the show enough times to figure out what happened when; this show could hardly surprise me any more, but it was still entertaining.
It was interesting how everyone seemed to snap out of their stupor with the ending of the show. Felix quickly looked into his cup and slurped up all his Pikachu saliva, prompting me to smack him on the rump hard. Exia seem to suddenly notice that she was hungry, and gobbled down the PokeChow. Nimue turned to me and said, “That was a nice show.”
“Yeah.” I checked the time on my PokeDex. Twenty-two hundred hours, huh…?
“I’m going for the operation now.”
“Eh? What time is it?” She asked.
“It’s already ten. Take care of these two for me, will you?” I said, standing up.
“Uh, okay… Then where will you be after the operation?”
“At that clinic. Hmm…” I thought for a moment, then took out my PokeDex and handed it to her. She gaped.
“The address is somewhere inside. The controls are idiotproof: the equal-armed cross button to move the cursor up, down, left and right if you press the corresponding arms; this button labeled A to confirm, and this button labeled B to go back, or reject something. It becomes pretty intuitive after a while.” I flicked open my PokeDex to show her the buttons. “This one near the bottom, on the right, marked Start; accesses the menu. Press this, and move down and there’s an address book option.” I fumbled with the controls and selected it. “Then search for that entry the clinic… Ah, there it is. Then you can select it.” I found the entry and selected it. “Now go to this option called ‘Location’ and select it…” I pressed it again. “Okay, now it shows you where it is on the map. A to zoom in and B to zoom out, and directional buttons--which is the equal-armed cross button—to move the map around. If you press this button on the bottom left labeled Select, this will show you where you are, and the direction you need to go to get there.” I demonstrated.
Nimue was wide-eyed. “W-wow… I think this is too much for me to handle…”
“Don’t worry about it. You have all night to figure it out. Here.” I pressed the PokeDex into her hand.
She looked up at me. “Okay…”
“Take their Pokeballs too.” I fumbled for them.
“Huh? No!” She frowned. “You can’t go out defenseless like this!”
“I’ll be safer without these Pokemon for the time being. Besides, it’s the city; I don’t think I’ll be getting jumped on my way. I’ll just walk on the lighted streets.”
Nimue looked doubtful, but it was hardly her place to stop me; so I threw down the Pokeballs and left for the clinic.
I stepped out of the bathroom. It took me a while to find that hairdryer device that Nurse Joy had told me about and dry my wet hair, but I had managed it.
Pulling on my socks and then wearing my knee-length boots, I stood up, pocketed the PokeBalls and the PokeDex, and picked up the small little pack filled with Pokeballs I had bought from the Pokemart.
I was dressed in another set of my outdoor clothes; the one from yesterday was still in washing by the Pokemon Centre facilities. I slapped myself on both cheeks.
You can do this, Nimue! I thought to myself.
I would not fail again… It was my own selfishness that had caused the failed capture in the afternoon… I would not let Starki down.
Opening the door, I stepped out of the room, made my way to the lobby, and out of the Pokemon Centre, walking into the night with a brave face.
Once outside, I pulled out the PokeDex. With a bit of exploration on my own, I had found the option to show a Pokemon’s location. Navigating to the PokeDex entry of Eevee, I selected Location, then hit Select to bring up the GPS-directed route. I started moving, and the cursor began to move along with me.
I looked forward mostly to make sure I was not running the danger of running into things head on. My heart was beating quickly, and my boots scuffed the pavement. I was walking as fast as I could. I did not dare to run, lest I faint when I got there…
As I walked, I began to think back. While I had wanted to borrow Starki's PokeDex and Pokemon, I did not expect it to be like this... I felt worried for him. How was he faring now...? Was he safe? Did some bad people jump him? What about getting lost? Oh no... My head swam from the possibilities. Was it? No... I was feeling breathless.
I slowed down, putting the PokeDex into my right hand instead, with my left in my pocket, ready to pull out my inhaler.
After walking on for a while, I decided it was not an asthma attack, thank goodness; but it meant that I had to slow down. So I continued walking at a slower pace. I consulted the PokeDex; I was on track all right. But now the route led me into the alleyways. I paused at the corner, then took a deep breath and plunged in.
It was dark… So dark…
I hesitated, then reached for the Pokeball in the right pocket and released the Pokemon within, then bent down to speak.
“Hey Pikachu, can you light the way for me?”
There was a blinding flash, and I shut my eyes instinctively.
When I opened my eyes, the Pikachu bore a frown.
“Were you trying to blind me?” I laughed, rubbing its head. It nodded, then smiled and jumped onto my shoulder. It felt really heavy, but I supposed it was better than directing the Pikachu.
I consulted the PokeDex and got moving. With the light from the Pikachu, I easily navigated the alleyways; thankfully there were no bad company around.
I slowly walked and checked the PokeDex; making sure I didn’t bump into anything. The Eevee was close…
The Pokedex directed me around the last bend to what looked like a rather large expanse of space between buildings…
Then I yelled in shock, and the Pikachu leapt from my shoulder and assumed an offensive position.
A large amount of Pokemon awaited us. I quickly made a head count. Two pidgeon-like Pokemon with brown and white feathers; about three purple rats; one fox with six tails that was red in colour; a Pokemon I could only describe as gaseous; a dog with a red snout and a skull-like bone protrusion from its head above its eyes; and two white cats with a large coin on their foreheads.
The PokeDex began to beep and call out the names of the Pokemon and their entries. I only paid attention to their names. “Pidgey… Rattata… Vulpix… Gastly… Houndour… Meowth, the Cat Pokemon…”
They growled aggressively as one, drowning out the PokeDex’s monotone, and I reached for the other Pokeball.
The Scyther shot out from the Pokeball like a beast out of hell. In just a second, a green blur shot through the mass of Pokemon and threw two Pokemon out of the fray: A Rattata, which looked in rather bad condition already, and a Pidgey, whom I decided to finish off by lacing my cheek pouches with electricity then slamming them into the Pidgey, causing many sparks to divert to the body of the Pidgeon Pokemon. The Pidgey hit the ground and began rattling as if connected to a live socket, performing some sort of odd dance before the charge left its body and it fell over. It lay still.
I heard a growl just then, and I saw a dark shadow launch itself at me; I got on twos and jumped. It crashed into the ground, and I landed on it and gave it a good shot of yellow crackling power to take it out of the fight. Unfortunately, it was not enough, and my opponent stood angrily, launching me high into the air, and firing a massive burst of flames that formed into the shape of the Chinese character for big: 大. The flames illuminated the features of my attacker better than my own Flash, and I glimpsed a red snout, black nose, aggressive, slitted eyes, and an odd white skull on the forehead.
As I was smothered by the flames, I yelled, "Screw you Houndour!!!"
Filled with rage, I began to start plotting… As I hatched a nasty little scheme, I felt the electrical power within me multiply and grow ever stronger.
“Plotting, nya, plotting…” I sang when suddenly something grabbed me.
“Okay, you little yellow rat, show me what you’re made of.” I somehow recognized the Scyther’s voice, and freaked out.
“What’re you trying to do with me!?!?!?”
“I’m going to throw you downwards, and you’re going to demonstrate that shock you gave me when we first fought,” she said calmly, her wings fluttering to keep us in the air.
Without giving me a chance to reply, she tossed me downwards. Well, I did consider this, but hitting the ground face-first at this kind of speed ensures that I'm not getting out of this battle without some very lasting injuries.
“GERONIMO!!!” I yelled, charging a lot of electricity and summoning thunderclouds in the sky.
If any of the other Pokemon were not looking up before this, they would be now.
And they ran like the wind.
They did not have much of a choice, at any rate. As I smashed into the ground, I unleashed pure yellow electricity everywhere, going through the ground, hitting metal, hitting flesh, feathers, Pokemon...
Then to end my offensive, I had the thundercloud drop a massive bolt of lightning from the sky, frying the whole area. All I could hear were screams of pain, even from the girl. Or was it fear? Or just reflex? Oh never mind.
After all the screaming stopped, I dragged my face from the concrete, then decided I was too tired, and flopped back onto the ground. Let’s see that Scyther do some work. Of course, to render some back-up, I kept the thundercloud above us.
Pretty much all the Pokemon were hit hard by my offensive, the remaining Pidgey and a Rattata had already fallen purely due to my attack; and now Exia (well, at least as Starki called her) quickly cleaned up, bashing through them with great ease.
The surviving Rattatas went down first. Simple enough. They got to their feet feebly and Flash! And then there were deep cuts on each of them, and they flopped back onto the ground, finished.
The Vulpix came next. It threw a Flamethrower in Exia's direction. Her response was to slash the air, and somehow the air itself turned into a cutting device, shooting towards the Flamethrower, cleaving it in two, then absorbed the fire into itself and hit the Vulpix square right between the eyes. It wobbled, then fell over.
The Houndour, looking injured, still charged Exia from behind with all its might as her eyes were sweeping the area. As it opened its mouth, presumably to launch a fire attack to burn my Bug comrade, she did a little hop, and without so much as looking back, stepped back quickly once and slammed her foot all the way down the Houndour's throat. After that, she swung her leg around and tossed the Houndour away, causing it to land at the girl's feet.
The Meowth charged in together, and she used the momentum from flinging the Houndour away to nail them both in the side of the face with a spinning kick. They stumbled back, and in that time she pulled in her leg that was sticking out, launched herself forward with her wings beating and punched—yes, punched—them straight in the face, right beneath the coin. They fell like a sack of potatoes, and lay still. Probably concussed.
The Gastly put itself in her way next. She snorted condescendingly, and slashed.
Then her slash passed through the gas Pokemon, and it smirked.
“Can’t get me,” it taunted.
“You wish.” The Scyther’s scythes glowed black, then ripped through the Gastly, rendering it out of the fight.
Only the Houndour was left conscious, but it was still pawing at its throat, and now the Scyther flew towards it and stepped on it.
“What’re you doing!?” The girl cried out, grabbing the Scyther's scythe.
“Where’s the Sneasel?” Exia growled, pressing on the Houndour, ignoring the girl.
It gibbered and choked, but before it could muster the strength for an answer...
“Over here.” An obviously feminine voice called out, and all our attention was directed to a black Pokemon with a red feather on its head, arms folded over its chest, standing in the middle of the large square.
“If you want me, come and get me, but don’t hurt my friends.” The Sneasel said coolly.
Exia put her foot off the Houndour. “Well then, but it’s a little too late now, I must say.”
I turned back towards the girl. She was confused. Well, it was to be expected; humans could not understand Pokemon-speak.
The Sneasel gritted her teeth. “I won’t let you off for hurting my friends…”
“Do what you want. I am merely a weapon. A Gundam.”
Before I could wonder aloud what a Gundam was, the Sneasel commenced her offensive.
“Leave us in peace, dammit!” She howled, charging with a shard of ice in hand.
“I live only to fight what I am ordered to fight.” Exia jumped over her, and then dealt her a kick.
The Sneasel crashed into the ground pretty painfully, coming to a stop with her face two centimeters away from mine.
“Hi,” I grinned.
She spat angrily at me and got to her feet. Darn it, she was too interested in my, er, comrade. I wiped the spit off my face and smeared it on the ground. Ugh, disgusting.
“You better not try any cheap tricks this time…” Exia swung her scythes threateningly.
I took a little peek at the girl. Clearly she did not understand the magnitude of what she had started, since she was looking on with a scared expression, hands to her mouth. Then I turned my attention back to the show.
“Cheap!? You’re the one that’s cheap! Attacking my injured friends… If you can pinpoint this location so easily, why don’t you come look for me then!? Huh!?” The Sneasel dashed forward again, and the two began exchanging blows.
“I already told you, I am a weapon. Weapons do not question; weapons do not have feelings.”
“Wait, your friends were injured?” I voiced my misgivings.
With a loud clash, the Sneasel was flung into the air and hit the ground sliding, stopping just in front of my face.
“Yeah, they were… My friends were recently injured by some human kids that were hurting our new friend… We took her in,” the Sneasel answered.
“Hyah!” Another voice cried out; my eyes widened in shock as the Eevee, looking extremely battered and bruised, appeared from behind a rock and hit Exia’s leg.
In the second that her attention was diverted, the Sneasel dashed towards Exia and drove a shard of ice into her chest.
“Guh!” Exia gritted her teeth as she hit the wall and slumped. The Sneasel prepared a Ice Punch… Well, she was encasing her fist in ice and was drawing back her fist; what else do you call it other than a Ice Punch?
“Can’t let ‘cha do that, buddy.” I prepared to fire a little jolt of electricity at the Sneasel.
“Pikachu, look out!” I heard a high-pitched voice say.
Then I felt something bite my leg. Now if only you warned me a little earlier, girl…
The Houndour got onto its front paws and threw me up into the air with his jaws.
“AAAAAAGH!!!" The pain was tremendous. I felt as if my leg had been ripped off. I lost control, and got the thundercloud to drop another massive charge to the ground, and then randomly fired my Thunderwave.
Then I blacked out from the agony.
All three female combatants looked on as a lightning bolt fell from the heavens, blasting the Houndour with such a strong physical force that 'flattened' was the only way to describe what happened to it; it immediately crumpled, legs stretched out on either side, then the Pikachu crashed into the ground with a final, loud, thump. By some miracle, the light granted by his electricity was still around, but it was weakening. The endgame would be decided in the last few seconds of his light.
Exia was the first to recover. Seeing that the Sneasel was about to put her lights out with a fist enclosed in ice, she gritted her teeth, sat up and give the Sneasel one solid punch right between the eyes, sending the Sneasel flying and crashing into the ground, down and out.
Then she spotted the Eevee charging towards her for a final attack with a limp. As the Eevee bounded for the last time and sent itself forward face first, the Scyther drew its scythe back and smashed the Eevee in the face with the flat side of the scythe. The force stopped the Eevee's Tackle right in its tracks, and having lost momentum, the Eevee's body fell to the ground and crumpled. It stopped moving after that.
The pain was getting too much for her to handle, so she let the darkness take her.
11-03-2008, 12:56 AM
I think I should post so nobody takes this while I'm grading it. D:
Starki takes Nimue to Celedon city. While he is there, he learns that Nimue is amazingly frail, because he is a anemic and has asthma and she is allergic to chili. They do stuff to pass time, and they are attacked by a Sneasel and Eevee. Starki fails to capture them. Then, when he goes out to get his hand replaced, Nimue goes out and captures it.
Well, nice plot overall. A bit boring compared to the other, but it will have to do. If this was a standalone story I'd yell at you, but I know for longer pieces character development is a vital part of the overall plot. That, I think it did well. It revealed a lot about all three characters: Exia, Starki, and Nimue.
I do think that some of the added things did not add much to the plot though. Some of it seemed as though you could have cut it out , and it wouldn't be too detrimental for the plot. It almost seemed as though you added that in to fill up characters.
Still, it was good overall.
Its a continuation. It really isn't needed. A healthy recap would suffice for new graders, who haven't gotten to read the parts before. Otherwise, you did open it up quite well. As I said, this is a continuation, so you don't really need it.
Like last time, you have a lot of little things that are not too bad that you need to fix, like improper plurals and such. Its a lot better that last time. :D
The one glaring thing that I see here, and last time (in Exia) and I noticed Splishee talk about it, was your run on sentences. Take this sentence for example:
Nimue was behind me, dressed in an overly-large orange sleeve-less shirt that actually seemed more of a night shirt than anything else, over a white long-sleeved shirt that ended just below her ample bosom, and a pair of denim shorts that started from her waist all the way down to half her calf (I could see everything through the massive arm holes in her orange shirt).
Its really long, and tries to pack a lot into a small space. Split it up. I can see about three or four sentences in that. Basically, for your descriptions, whenever you describe a new part on a whole, make a new sentence. It flows a lot better, and its a lot easier to read. I'll split this one up for you.
Nimue was behind me, dressed in an overly-large orange sleeve-less shirt that actually seemed more of a night shirt than anything else.
Underneath that, there was a white long-sleeved shirt that ended just below her ample bosom.
A pair of denim shorts started from her waist all the way down to half her calf .
I could see everything through the massive arm holes in her orange shirt.
Like that. (I put each sentence on a new line so you could see it better). It just flows better to me. Also, this is off topic, that last part seems like it should be the second sentence, or third.
Try an work on that.
When changing places suddenly, or tenses, points-of-view, etc, break off that piece of text somehow. Separate it with a little banner, or italicize it or something like that.
I. Don't. Care. D:<
This was good. I have one bone to pick with you and that is about the battle, but I'll talk to you about that a little later.
You only really need to describe the surroundings a bit more. That would make it really pop out. It would also add to the length and let you take out the unneeded things that you added to add to the length. D: Not much to say about this now. More to come in the battling section.
Keep it PG. We already discussed this over AIM. Eight year olds come to this forum. You don't want to taint a little bookworm who stumbles upon this story. D: (Though it will probably go right over their heads, but still...)
;_; This was a let down.
The rest of the story was so slow, (good, but slow) that I was looking forward to a healthy bout of glorified, nonstop action. :D But that never came. All what I got was something to the effect of: Pikachu used Thunderbolt. So...what does that look like? For all I know, it could have turned into a Dragon and ripped off its head or something. The way you described Night Slash on Scyther was really good. See, I got that it was a Night Slash, and you never really said anything. Thats how your descriptions should be. So that you don't have to tell the person the attack's name and they can get it. A single sentence per attack will suffice. Thats a pretty big hole in the battle, about 3/4ths I would say.
But one thing that I really liked was that you switched PoVs between Nimue and Pikachu. That was a really cool idea. Next time just separate it from the text, because I had to reread it to get that. Like a small border or italics or something of the sort. I mentioned it earlier. D:
The other quarter was pretty good. The first battle, where Pokemon just seemed to jump to their feet and say that they were alive again seemed odd. Usually they don't do that. Sneasel could have dragged off Eevee if it wanted too.
This part was really lacking. The rest was pretty nice, but this made me sad. :(
The battle descriptions were a real let down for me. Your battle with Exia last time around was so much better. :( For that, I'm gonna say Only Eevee Captured!! I know I sounded like I didn't really like it at some places, but it was good...except the battle. PM/IM me for a regrade. D:
EDIT: SHORT GRADES SUCK D:<
11-04-2008, 04:35 AM
O shi- after edits the story is too long to fit into three posts.
I stared with my mouth agape at the mass of bodies littered around.
Then the lights went out suddenly as Felix ran out of charge.
I screamed, quickly fumbling for the PokeDex. I opened it, intending to use the screen’s backlight as a light and accidentally accessed the menu, then nearly slapped myself.
“It has a torchlight function…”
I flicked it on. It was a powerful beam, but it was very focused, so I couldn’t see much. I pulled out the Pikachu and the Scyther’s PokeBalls and randomly aimed them around and called them to return. The Pokeballs fired a red beam, and I swung them around until they came into contact with the right Pokemon and recalled them. Then I opened the pack full of PokeBalls and used the PokeDex’s light to find my way around to every Pokemon and put them into a Pokeball and then put them in the bag. I worked slowly like this until I reached the last two Pokemon.
These two, I wanted to do specially.
I pointed the light at them both, getting a rough feel for the location, then took up two empty Pokeballs in both my hands and threw the Pokeballs in two different directions at once.
I heard the Pokeballs click, open, turn the Eevee and the Sneasel into a burst of red light, suck them into darkness, then another metallic click as it closed, then a clang as they both hit the ground at the same time.
I waited there with my heart in my mouth as I heard more sounds.
Twitching with the steady thud thud of my heart…
Okay, done. @_@
11-08-2008, 08:20 PM
This new battle is far, far better than the first one. A lot more interesting, the attacks were described better. In fact I don't even think you used the actual name of the attack once. Good job here. :) This is short, but you did pretty much exactly what I thought you needed. Just try to do this first time around, next time. You could use your surroundings a bit more and maybe a more varied amount of moves. Sneasel captured!!
11-10-2008, 10:41 AM
Now to finish this up.
Soft but dull green eyes opened lazily, and found themselves looking at a white ceiling.
"Arceus... Is it over?"
Summoning up his courage, he turned his eyes beside him.
A metallic contraption was wired into his right shoulder, with extra metal plates extending into his shoulder and screws and bolts sinking into the plates and presumably into his skin, securing it.
He blinked. There was a hand above his new arm. He looked slightly upward.
Her arm was draped over the hospital bed's armrest, and her small, petite frame was slumped in a foldable metal chair with a black seat and backrest but a simple silver frame. Her head flopped over the chair's backrest, and her pretty, chocolate brown hair was dangling from her head like a waterfall in suspended animation.
"Nimue," he croaked.
She did not stir. He laid back in bed. Ah well.
He lifted his metallic arm to his head, stroking his own hair, which was an odd colour: Dark brown, approaching black, but not quite there yet.
Having nothing better to do, he studied the young girl in the chair. She was dressed in her outdoor attire again. The same overly large orange sleeveless shirt, the same long-sleeved white shirt that ended just below the chest, and the same loose denim shorts, secured with a belt just above her stomach. She was probably wearing knee-length brown boots as well. Typical.
He sighed, and turned his eyes away from her. In her own way, she was strange too.
The door opened, and Nimue awoke instantly, leaping to her feet and hopping to attention.
"Ah, you're awake! How're you finding your arm?"
It was Doctor Mason. The scruffy old man walked over to the side of Starkipraggy's bed as Nimue watched nervously, seized his arm and began inspecting it.
"Fine I guess, but what I'm feeling right now won't amount to anything."
"Hah, you're a smart one, boy," Mason laughed as he turned Starkipraggy's arm around. "Well... Seems like everything is in order! You sure have an affinity with these things. Last time I did your hands, it was also pretty trouble-free. Heh. You'll probably have to stay the day for a physiology test, but it shouldn't be a problem from what I can see."
Starkipraggy smiled. "Thank you, Doc."
"You ARE paying me for this, so don't worry about thanks." He sniffed. "Well then, I'll go make arrangements."
And he left the room.
As soon as he did, Nimue turned towards the bedridden boy. With shaking hands, she reached into her pockets and withdrew two Pokeballs.
"I did it, Starki..." She opened them.
He watched, fascinated, as first a small fox-like Pokemon appeared. It had brown fur on most of its body, but its neck had a large amount of white fur, and the fur at the tip of its bushy tail was white as well.
Next was a familiar Pokemon, with its body completely black save for a red-tipped feather at its crown and its gleaming white claws.
Starkipraggy bolted upright.
"What... you managed to capture them?"
Nimue nodded happily, and withdrew the Pokemon into their Pokeballs.
"How... When...?" The words would not come.
"You gave me your PokeDex and your Pokemon, so I went out in the night and caught them. Simple!" Nimue smiled, and Starkipraggy felt a lump in his throat. Her smile was beautiful...
Then he felt things being pushed into his hands.
"Your PokeDex, Pikachu, Scyther, Eevee, and Sneasel!" She looked at him like a dog that knew that it had done well and expected praises.
He smiled, put the things down, then picked up the two PokeBalls that contained the newly caught Pokemon.
"These are yours, Nimue."
And he placed them in the girl's hands.
She looked down at them and blinked.
"I can't take them, Nimue. You caught them, so they are yours. It's your responsibility to take care of them."
"The Pokemon did all the work and they're yours, you should keep them..." Nimue was arguing back hesitatingly. She turned her face away from them. I knew she wanted them.
"Nimue, just take them, alright? It'll make me feel better if you have Pokemon of your own anyway."
Nimue's expression looked pained yet happy. Her hands shook as she took the PokeBalls and put them in her pocket.
"Good." Starkipraggy smiled. "Now go to the Pokemon Centre and register yourself as a Pokemon Trainer. You can't carry Pokemon without a license... I'll see you later."
Nimue's face molded itself into a small smile. "Yes..."
She left the room.
Starkipraggy sank back into bed, satisfied.
Nimue left the hospital and quickly ducked into some trees, releasing the two Pokemon.
"I... I never thought I'd have Pokemon of my own so fast..."
"Vui?" The Eevee looked at her, confused.
The Sneasel snorted.
"Ahem!" Nimue took in a deep breath and said with great gusto, "I'll call you Tessa," she pointed to the Eevee, "and you can be Rinoa!" (Big guess which Pokemon that is.)
"Eevee..." The Eevee began to laugh, while the Sneasel looked as if it would pop a vein.
"That's settled, let's go!" Nimue said happily, walking towards the Pokemon Centre.
The sky seemed so bountiful and grand to her now...
"She's funny, isn't she?" The Eevee said to the Sneasel.
"I'm more wondering how she got so lucky with our names, but that's not the point."
"My name's not Tessa!"
"Close enough. It's Teletha, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it is..."
"Humph. I thought it would be okay to stick with her. She seems kind, at least. But now I know she's stupid."
"It'll be interesting I guess." Tessa's eyes narrowed. "I just hope everyone's okay..."
"Hah! Don't worry." Rinoa walked with her eyes closed. "They'll be fine now. That girl is as good as her word, at least. Better than can be said for many people," she said scathingly.
"Well yes, but can they manage without you?"
"Oh, they will. I've had them anticipate a situation like this for years. It just so happens that your arrival causes what we've been building up for." She put an arm over Tessa's body. "Don't worry about it. And it's not your fault either. Anyway, we've all been homeless and abused and hiding out on our own for some time anyway, so I'm sure if they continue to work together, they'll do fine."
"If you say so..." Tessa sighed.
And they followed their new trainer as she entered the Pokemon Centre, obtained a license and a PokeDex, and became an actual certified Pokemon Trainer...
"It's no longer the Gurren Dan! It's now the Dai-Gurren Dan!"
12-30-2008, 08:15 AM
This is completely unrelated to the previous stories, but is placed here anyway to introduce a new character to the fray. Meet Nimue's elder sister. :D
Yuusha-Oh Tanjou! (King of Braves GaoGaiGar Opening Theme)
Alternatively, any Super Robot song works.
Senshi no Nemure (Mazinkaiser: Shitou! Ankoku Daishogun)
Alternatively, any slow, meaningful song about fighting/war works.
You need some good "GA-GA-GA GA-GA-GA-GAO GAI GAR!!!" in this story. You'll be seeing at least ten references to series affiliated with Super Robot Wars, but the main "mecha" is GaoGaiGar.
Character length at end of story because I can.
Also, you should only be reading this if 15 and above. I'm sticking a PG-15 tag to this.
Twin Dragonfly Strike
This is a story of courage, friendship, power, and nuttiness in great abundance. Includes references to quite a few Super Robot animes, so look out for them.
“The weather’s fine today…” I mumbled, staring at a sky tinted red. With blood? Nah.
It honestly makes no sense to me how you can decide if the weather’s fine through red sunglasses, my Medicham complained from his Pokeball.
Something tapped my thigh, and I looked down to find a signboard.
“I second his notion,” it read.
“There are no clouds…” I trailed off as a large gust of wind blew, and the sky suddenly became dominated by fluffy somethings.
I whipped off my sunglasses.
“Okay, now the weather’s bad,” I groaned.
“Gee, bad things always happen to us.” The signboard had changed its text.
“That’s because you guys argue against me!” I yelled at the signboard. “Maybe if you guys keep your trap shut, we won’t have to end up in weird weather. Now we’re going to have to fend off freaking fast Magikarp!”
With all due respect, Gai, fending off really fast Magikarp beats fending off really fast Oddish and other whatnot. The same voice said.
He’s right, Gai. Haven’t you had enough of dealing with Gloom running circles around us and sprinkling powder all over us? Another voice said, this one feminine.
I slapped my palm to my face and dragged it down. “Whatever, we better get moving before it rains.”
No comment this time, so I got moving.
Fortune Island was proving to be pretty much unfortunate for me. I had just set foot on the tropical island with plenty of big puddles and lush greenery around, and it looked like I had to find shelter right away. Not a good start.
…What? Me? Who I am? What the hell I’m doing there?
“Yeah, I’m talking to you, girl! What the hell are you doing here!?”
I turned to see a Ruin Maniac.
“What? I’m just minding my own business, like you should be.” I cocked my head and stared at him, pushing up my glasses.
He took a step back, amazed at my audacity. He was dressed in a khaki outfit; shirt, shorts, socks, shoes, complete with cap: Looking like the standard archaeologist. I eyed his paunch and white moustache and stubble. Probably breaking fifty. As he straightened his frame to exert some authority on what appeared to be a young upstart, I noted that he was actually slightly taller than me, but perhaps years of bending over to study things on the ground had made his hunched-over stance a habit.
I guess a description of myself is in order.
I stood about a hundred and sixty-seven centimeters tall, and my long hair fell messily to my hip like one of those crazy fortune tellers. I wore a yellow tank top and thigh-length denim shorts, which I covered with my massive cape that encompassed my entire body. It was a good cape, keeping the temperature just right for me, and also sewn with manymanymanymany pockets to keep my things in. I topped it all off with tough brown trekking boots and a pretty out-of-place looking pirate hat like those they wear in Pirates of the Orange Islands (For people in real life, read that as Pirates of the Carribean).
What? My eye colour? Blue I think, I can’t remember. My hair colour? Well… It’s either brown streaked with blonde highlights or the other way round… Can’t remember as well.
Back to the matter at hand.
The old guy raised his monocle and sort of screwed it in front of his eye, glaring at me. “Well, are you going to give me an answer or not!?”
I shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not.”
Then after that I got a weird impulse, and started repeating it with a rhythm. “May~be, maybe not! May~be, maybe not! May~be, maybe not!”
Evidently this frustrated the poor guy, so he yelled, “If you won’t take me seriously...” He raised a Pokeball in threat.
I stared at him blankly.
This unintended slight pushed the old man over the edge. He cried, “Rie, I choose you!” while throwing the Pokeball forward. It exploded in a blaze of glory-oops, sorry, light- to reveal a large towering hunk of grey rock, with an armour-like patch the shade of near-yellowish white on its belly and a drill-like horn on its head, and as expected, sharp claws on the feet and hands.
Hardly a threat for me, honestly.
“Uncle, you sure you wanna go through with this?” I stood on one leg, arms akimbo, looking at him skeptically, glancing around me to see if a certain something was around my legs. It was not there. Oh well.
“Of course! Are you looking down on me?” He advanced menacingly, and I had no choice but to fight. I did give him face by doing it so fast he didn’t know what hit him.
“Hyoma, Brick Break.”
By the time I said that, three seconds had elapsed, and the last two seconds was of a Medicham flying forward, and then the Rhydon flying backward into a tree. By the time the Rhydon groaned and nearly toppled onto the old guy (he scrambled out of the way in time), my Pokemon was safely back in its ball.
“Gee, I warned you, so don’t come wailing on me.” I strutted away before the archaeologist could react.
When I was sure he wasn’t looking, I ran like the wind. Angry people do strange things.
Now, for the all-important question of what I was doing here. You do want to know, don’t you? Well, here goes…
My name is Gallium Ester Nincanegue. *hackcoughwheeze* I hate my name. Which retard decided on my name anyway? Maybe it’s my parents… Hey, more likely it’s that fat guy typing this right now. Yeah, you, you stinkin-
(Five minute commercial break. Pikachu-blend Pokechow, anyone?)
Ugh. Ahem. Anyway, being a hired mercenary, I hire my services to anyone who has the money. Or that’s how it’s supposed to go. Seriously, I get cold feet for assassination or anything remotely to do with killing. I could do it, if only I wouldn’t hesitate and pull my punches.
Today’s mission was non-violent. Well, at least to humans, and hopefully to nothing else at all. THE FAMOUS PROFESSOR OAK (it’s actually his grandson now, but I did not know that until the end of this story…) wanted someone to catch some Pokemon for him, so he hired me. Gosh, it was such an honour to meet the guy in person. Anyway, I have to catch Pokemon… It looks easy, sounds easy, and I guess is easy. But he told me to avoid the common Pokemon. Hmm… The PokeDex being that useful tool that it is, I flicked it open and checked what Pokemon tended to hang around here. Using the search function, I narrowed down the possible candidates to:
Persian Fearow Sentret Wobbuffet Yanma
Natu Gyarados Remoraid Qwilfish
Not too bad. I saved the info and pocketed the PokeDex when suddenly a Pokemon appeared.
Standing on one clawed foot with the other held in the air behind it, the small-rotund brown owl Pokemon hopped on the spot to face me, and hooted happily before hopping away.
I quickly opened the Pokedex. No mention of Hoothoot. Alright! My chance for a new discovery!
I looked back at the Hoothoot, which was happily hopping away, and gave chase.
“Wait up, you!” I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, and pulled out a Pokeball and threw it.
“LinerGao, circumvent it!” (No idea what circumvent means, but it sounds cool.)
The long creature with a coat of pure white save for some brown stripes on its back burst from the ball and dashed forward, getting in front of the Hoothoot then stopping right in front of it, causing it to trip and fall. I smiled. Perfect.
“Whoa! A rare Linoone!” Someone shouted, and before I knew it, I was eating a faceful of white fur.
We toppled backwards, rolling over and over on the grass. Thank god it was grass, or my spine would be deader than disco dead.
“Quick, Hooty, use Hypnosis!”
I threw the long-bodied Pokemon to the side and got on my elbows, only to have to look to the side to escape the hypnotizing purple beams emanating from the owl’s large round eyes that were perpetually framed with large circles, from which arrows sprouted, pointing diagonally upwards off its head.
“What’s the big idea!?” I yelled at the guy commanding the Hoothoot; for, of course, now I knew that the Hoothoot was not wild.
“What? I’m just trying to catch that Linoone.” The Hoothoot trainer said, and the Hoothoot ceased its offensive.
“I own that Linoone!” I yelled back, seizing the opportunity, withdrawing LinerGao into his ball.
“Oh.” The guy walked over. He looked about my age, dressed in a purple shirt and dark blue pants, with spiky black hair and tanned skin. He offered me a hand, which I took.
“By any chance, were you after my Hoothoot just now?” He asked, not looking into my eyes.
“As a matter of fact, yes, just like you were after my Linoone I guess,” I replied, sizing him up. He was much taller than me, with mesmerising blue eyes. My heart did not seem to want to slow down all of a sudden.
“Yeah, I use my Hoothoot to bait Pokemon a lot. Trying to fill my PokeDex. You?” He still didn’t look me in the eye.
“Trying to catch some exotic Pokemon.” I was trying to figure this guy out, then I realised my cape wasn’t covering my front, and I figured out where he was looking at. My heart stopped for a second before I reacted.
“You PERVERT!!!” I kicked him in the shin, and he yelped, backing off and clutching the affected area. “You’re lucky I’m not wearing my steel –toed boots!” I snarled.
Staggering and trying to balance on one leg while holding his hurting shin but failing and having to put down his foot every once in a while, the guy yelped, “What was that for!?”
“I’m not a kid! Quit playing dumb with me! Geez!” I walked away, feeling the onset of cardiac arrest… (Somehow, I know what that means.)
“Can’t help it… You’re too pretty.”
That statement served to anger me further, but before I could lash out at him, I heard loud crackling noises, and then sizzling noises along with a loud thump as he fell to the ground.
“Where were you?” I glanced downwards at my Pikachu, whom had suddenly appeared and was brandishing a sign.
“I went looking for ponds. The Magikarp here are tougher than usual, and there be Gyarados about,” it read.
I slapped my face with my palm and dragged it down my face. “Okay. And you realise I could get the information from my PokéDéx?”
There were scribbling noises, then the sign came up.
“You don’t even use it half the time.”
I sighed. “Point taken.”
We moved on through the ruins area. One of the attractions to the island was these ruins. The whole thing was a puzzle on its own. What’s the mark of rather advanced civilisation doing in the middle of a tropical jungle? Well, that’s what you have archaeologists for. There were a few of them here and there, doing whatever it was archaeologists did at ruins. They were really easily recognisable, due to their khaki outfits. What is with them and khaki? There were one or two wearing different clothes, but those just looked weirder, and should not be described for sanity purposes.
Of course, there was the occasional trainer. And then more often than not they challenged me to a battle, which I quickly ended by dispatching their Pokemon with a variety of moves from Felix, my Pikachu. During a short mission at Sinnoh, Felix had obtained a Grass move to add to his repertoire of moves by stealing a TM from a store (which I beat him up for and then promptly went back to the store and paid for it), and then went missing for a whole month for some intensive training on his own. Turns out he managed to pick up the elusive Volt Tackle move from a newborn Pichu companion he found near the region’s Daycare Centre. All these pretty much meant that my Pikachu could dispatch most opponents with ease, especially while holding a yellow ball that he always had with him.
And then there were the wild Pokemon. I got excited at the first Sentret (and succeeded at capturing it), but after walking in the grass for a while, I developed a great urge to utterly and savagely destroy any Sentret in my path, mostly because there were so MANY of them.
“Sentret!” There was the cry, and then the Sentret’s main body appeared over the waist-length grass and peered at me.
I so much as glanced at it, and my resident annoying yellow rodent made quick work of it.
Crackling and sizzling noises were heard, and there were flashes of yellow light before there was a thump. Voila, downed Sentret. Possibly cooked.
I felt something hard tap me on the side of my hip, and I looked down.
“I would like to be relieved,” the sign read.
I thought about it. I was getting utterly bored with encounters with normal Pokemon. Maybe if I started messing around, I could flush out some of the rarer ones.
“Fine.” I released DrillGao. Well… it was an amalgamation of three little moles which showed only their heads above ground, and big red noses and ellipsical eyes: long but lacking width.
“Dugtrio,” it said, looking at me for orders with the customary furrowed eyebrows on all three heads.
“Alright, I want you to shake up this place-“
“You can’t do that!” A voice interrupted me.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and spun around, pushing the hand away. It was the guy from just now.
“And why the hell not?” I asked, folding my arms.
“The ruins might come crashing down, and then the archaeologists will be out to get you.” He had his hands in his pockets. Cocky b*****d… I should give him a beating.
“I’m not scared of a bunch of archaeologists. I’ll have you know I’m a pretty good trainer.” I glared at him.
“As am I.” He cocked his head to one side. “Seems like everyone is, these days. I was watching you just now. While your Pikachu is up to scratch, I doubt he or she will hold if you get swarmed.”
“I assume that’s a challenge.” I drew my Pokéballs.
“Of course. Let’s keep this simple so we don’t have to return to the Pokemon Centre. A three-on-three should suffice. I assume you have more than that with you?”
I did not bother answering him. “LinerGao, I choose you!”
The Linoone appeared, along with its familiar coat of white with brown streaks.
“Well, this being a grassy area, it would be useful to have a Psychic Pokemon…” He released an Alakazam, complete with its large yellow head with spiky ear-like projections from the top, and the customary whiskers, and dressed in some sort of odd purple armour.
“Get in the grass!” I yelled.
“Useless. I can find you with my Alakazam’s mind!”
As the grass swished and moved with LinerGao’s movements, the opposing Alakazam stood there and reached out with its mind.
“Belly Drum up, use Odour Sleuth, and get back in here!”
“What!?” The teenager was already panicking. “Alakazam, quick, find it!”
“Alaka…” It seemed to be concentrating hard, but to no avail.
“Well, I admit I’m cheating slightly.” I raised my Medicham’s Pokéball. “Your Alakazam is engaged in mental combat with my Medicham over here.”
“What!? That’s cheap!” he cried.
“All’s fair in love and war, they say.”
And LinerGao chose that moment to pop out of the bushes and slam the Alakazam hard with a Return, pummelling it with multiple strikes along with it.
The sheer impact caused blood to erupt from the Alakazam’s nostrils and mouth as it was flung away, and the other guy hastily withdrew it before it hit the ground.
LinerGao went back into the grass.
“Darn it!” he snarled and threw down another PokéBall. “Metagross! Use Earthquake!”
“Someone said that you couldn’t use Earthquake here,” I taunted him.
The large metal Pokemon erupted from the Pokeball, looking mean and evil as it was supposed to, and the guy, realising his mistake, quickly ordered, “Stop, Metagross!”
The Metagross looked at him.
“Fine, I won’t. Metagross, use Magnet Rise!”
And Metagross rose into the air just as LinerGao erupted from underground.
I swore very loudly.
“Hah! Makes it all the easier for me! Meteor Mash!” The guy seized the opportunity.
As LinerGao flew up to meet Metagross’ underbelly, its mouth opened, and it chomped down on LinerGao’s head, then smashed itself body first into the ground.
When the smoke cleared, LinerGao was clearly out of it, with a spiral firmly ingrained into each eye. I gritted my teeth.
“Return!” I called, withdrawing the Linoone. “Okay Felix, break’s over, get your fat, rotund bulk in.”
“Chuuu...” he grumbled as he stepped up to the plate.
“A Pikachu can’t defeat me!” he shouted in glee. “Earthquake, Metagross!”
I did not give any commands. It was not required, anyway.
Just as Metagross was about to hit the ground, Felix leapt onto the Metagross, and when it struck the ground, Felix was chilling out on top of Metagross, munching chips of unknown origin to me.
My eyes flickered to the sky. Oh great evil Pikachu...
“Humph! Try again, Metagross!” he barked.
Felix rolled off right then, and a massive bolt of electricity fell from the heavens, hitting the Metagross. It shuddered as its steel body conducted all the electricity inside it, scrubbing its systems. The electricity began to funnel out into the Metagross’ magnetic field, and it began rising further up into the sky, shaking and rattling as it did so.
“Metagross? Metagross!” The boy began to cry out to his Pokemon.
Felix decided to end it by having the thundercloud drop another thunderbolt.
As its systems shut down from the heavy damage, the magnetic field turned off, and it fell with a loud crash onto the ground.
“...Return.” It disappeared in a flash of red light, returning to its ball, which the other teenager clutched unhappily.
“I’ll finish off with this! Kingdra, Draco Meteor!”
A massive blue seahorse with breath-taking contraptions akin to antler horns appeared, rose into the sky…
And was promptly struck by lightning.
“You-!” He glared at Felix, who shrugged, charged his body with electricity and got going.
Kingdra recovered, glowed with a white light, and targeted Felix, who apparently decided to be a good sport and headed straight for Kingdra with a jump.
A massive white ball started falling out of the sky all of a sudden, headed straight for Felix, who promptly broke through the Draco Meteor through sheer shielding by the electricity from Volt Tackle, and smashed into Kingdra, hurting it badly.
Kingdra wobbled as Felix hit the ground, panting. Then he flopped to the ground as another lightning bolt fell, but this one Kingdra dodged.
“Good dodge, Kingdra!” my opponent crowed. Felix was not moving. Oh well.
“My victory is certain,” I said confidently, throwing a ball forward. “StealthGao, ExtremeSpeed!”
12-30-2008, 08:27 AM
A burst of white light from my Pokeball, and that white light made a beeline for the Kingdra, whom tried to dodge, but was smashed hard in the gut anyway. As it fell to the ground, I ordered the last move.
The large, egg-shaped Pokemon with one red, one blue, and one white feather stuck on its head, feet and large, plane-like wings that looked severely out of place stopped moving, and flapped its wing at the Kingdra, sending a pocket of air rushing towards Kingdra.
“Deflect it with Hydro Pump!” he called.
The Kingdra took some time to muster the strength. By the time it did, the pocket of air was just an inch away. As the Hydro Pump shot out, the air pocket sliced through a very short amount of water and sliced Kingdra’s cylindrical mouth into two, causing blood to stream from there.
“Kiiiii!!!” it screamed in agony, blood and the high-pressured water mixing and blowing apart the split mouth, causing it even more agony. It fell to the ground, blasting water every-which-where.
“No, Kingdra! Return!” he withdrew his Pokemon.
“Looks like I win, huh?” I quipped. I did feel something about the Kingdra, but it could be healed. I had seen my Pokemon through worse injuries.
He looked at me angrily.
“Don’t you feel anything!?” he yelled at me.
“It’s nothing that can’t be fixed by going to a Pokemon Centre. Well, I’ll be seeing you.” I turned and waved goodbye, withdrawing StealthGao. Felix leapt to his feet and trudged after me.
I did not look back. I could imagine the guy standing there in shock, watching me disappear into the grass...
The rain came crashing down around us.
A feeling of melancholy and boredom descended upon my crew, including myself. Looking for rare Pokemon was really boring me out. It had become so bad that we all lacked the motivation to run for shelter.
We absent-mindedly wandered over to a pond and squatted by the side.
I sighed. Felix sighed. Hyoma sighed telepathically. I did not even need to look to know that the other Pokemon were sighing too.
“Nimue...” I murmured. “Sylvia, Mum, Dad...”
Something sharp tapped me, and I looked back for an instant.
“I miss my family too,” Felix had written. The words were quickly being washed off by the rain, the water running blue where it passed the marker ink. I smiled gently.
”Me three,” Hyoma added.
We focused our attention on the river. A Magikarp was staring at us.
“Magi!” It leapt out of the pond. Felix quickly punched it and it fell back in.
And then we were toppled backwards as a swarm of crazy, Swift-Swim boosted Magikarp leapt out of the pond.
“Holy sam hill-“ I released all my Pokemon except DrillGao and LinerGao, one of which was out of commission, and the other hated water. Felix was just playing dead after that Kingdra’s Draco Meteor, so he was all fired up and ready to go.
“Try to beat them away and pull back!” I yelled as I got to my feet and ran away from the pond.
They did as ordered. Felix was flinging Thunderbolts, StealthGao went for a flurry of Extremespeeds and Aura Spheres and Air Slashes, Hyoma contented himself with a lot of punches and kicks, GadgetGao stood around and frantically tried to take down Magikarp with a single weak Poison Sting (being a Weedle), and the Magneton floated around and did nothing.
”This is your fault, Gai!” Hyoma yelled at me.
There was no point replying. I quickly ran for shelter, and finding a good spot, I yanked out my PokeBalls and returned them all to their havens, including Felix.
Mere seconds later, he exploded from his PokeBall.
“Thanks for the rescue, but no thanks for using a PokeBall,” the newly risen sign read.
“What’re you doing here?” An eerily familiar voice rang out.
I spun around. It was the person from just now.
We were both sopping wet, and we knew it. His hair was flattened against his head, making him look a lot less handsome. I quickly pulled my cape around myself, covering my wet clothes. My heart was not thumping as hard as when I first met him. How strange.
“Hiding from the rain,” I replied nonchalantly.
“So am I. But this is an interesting place, isn’t it?” He pointed up.
I looked up and frowned.
There was only greenery above, but yet it was offering such wonderful protection from the elements...
Or was there more to this?
I looked around and saw what I expected: A wall of plants and whatnot. I punched it. There was a thud as my fist sunk through the plant exterior and hit something cold and hard within.
“This is a building!” I concluded aloud, my throat dry.
The sign came up again and I read it, before kicking the perpetuator.
“What’s that for?” The other guy asked.
“He wrote ‘Took you long enough, genius.’” I said. Then it occurred to me that calling this guy ‘guy’ was getting a little weird. So I decided to take the initiative. “My name’s Gai. What’s yours?”
He eyed me suspiciously. “I don’t believe you.”
I rolled my eyes. “No one ever does. I’m still best known as Gallium ‘Gai’ Daigouji, at any rate.”
“That’s a pretty odd name. Did you give it to yourself?” he asked skeptically.
“Nope. My parents had a stroke of madness when they named me.”
“I see.” He held out his hand confidently. “Well, mine’s Joash. Nice to meet you, I guess.”
“Sounds a little girly, heh.” I reached out from below my cape. “Me too.”
We shook hands. A historic moment. Well, not really, but still…
“Well then, let’s see what’s with this thing.” I rapped the wall with a knuckle.
“PASSWORD?” A speaker boomed.
We jumped at least a couple of centimetres off the ground.
“Holy crap!” we said together.
“Jinx,” he quickly said, and smirked.
I ground my teeth very loudly, but did not do anything else.
“JINX IS NOT THE CORRECT PASSWORD,” the computer intoned. “FAIL AGAIN AND BE PREPARED TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES.”
This had us chewing on it for a moment. Joash gently tugged at my cape, urging us to move out into the rain. I did. Grudgingly, since the rain was falling harder than ever.
“The computer shouldn’t be able to hear us from here. What’s your take?” he asked.
I frowned, thinking for a moment. “I heard that a few years back, whatever was left of Team Rocket was busted right here on this island. This might actually be their dead operations base.” This particular nugget of information had been fed to me when I was a novice. Every time I recalled the incident, I would blush furiously. The little scumbag had sold me some total BS for a hefty price, and it was even called A-Class information. What was worse was that as I was leaving the tavern where the transaction was taking place, all of the occupants had laughed at my utter stupidity. Oh, how I would like to crush someone’s windpipe everytime I remembered it...
I looked down and saw the remnants of a broken Pokeball in my hand. I must have pulled it out instinctively and began bearing down on it...
“How did you-” Joash began, then decided not to dwell on it, probably so that he could get out of the rain. “Anyway, if their operations base is dead, why the heck is the security still working?
“Maybe someone is inside.”
I could hear distinct clapping sounds over the rain, and kicked hard near the ground. My foot found its target somehow, and a certain yellow mouse squealed as he was flung away.
“So, what’s the password?”
“Don’t know. How about we trigger the trap?”
He held out his arm gallantly. “Be my guest then, lady.”
I walked over to the still reeling Felix, picked him up, threw him into the building then yelled, “I AM A PIKACHU!”
Something sportanously exploded, and I saw a yellow blur before I was hit, and I fell backwards on the ground.
“Oww...” I groaned. I felt like someone had just given me a hard hit in the face. Except harder. A lot harder.
“It was some sort of launcher built into the floor. Slung your Pikachu like a catapult round and well, you know the result.” Joash’s voice seemed to come from really really far away. The rain kept hitting my face, and I felt as if I was losing consciousness...
“Oi! Snap out of it!” I felt something slap my face, and I blinked as I regained my sanity, to say the least.
“What?” I said groggily. My eyes focused. Joash was squatting over me. It was probably him who had administered that slap.
“No fainting while this door is closed.” He jerked his thumb towards the door, standing up and stepping away from me.
“Ah? Oh.” I sat up, shaking my head.
“It was a good idea, that decoy thing,” he admitted, stretching out a hand. “The security system seems to think we’re Team Rocket members, and yelled that the only hint we’re getting is “palindrome”. That’s all.”
“What’s a palindrome?” I asked, grabbing his hand and consequently being hauled to my feet.
“Means something that’s the same forwards as well as backwards. Like the number 121. Or perhaps words like toot. Yeah.”
“Then try some.” I still couldn’t think straight. “You think of some.”
“One-hundred and twenty-one!” he yelled, and the launcher sprung up again with a loud “THWOK”. This time, nothing was in its immediate range, so there was no harm done. I could see it now, at least. A one-metre by one-metre square of something covered with creeper plants had sprung up very violently, and thudded back into its position. I shuddered. Scary stuff.
I heard tapping sounds, and looked down to see blue words on a whiteboard on a stick being rapidly washed away by the rain. My feminine intuition told me to trust the bearer.
“Goldeen need log!”
The speaker beeped. “NEXT PASSWORD.”
“Next password?” We looked at each other, bewildered. The signboard tapped me again.
I read it aloud. “Chansey yes nahc!”
“Oh, I get it now.” Joash rolled his eyes. “They’re actually Pokemon-crazy themselves, just that in the wrong way. Of course they would have palindromes of Pokemon’s names.”
“PASSWORD ACCEPTED. PLEASE ENTER.” The door slid open neatly, bringing the plants along safely with it, and we wasted no time going in.
The minute we entered, the door slammed shut behind us. My fighter’s instinct went into overdrive.
“Whoa, it’s pitch-dark in here,” Joash said, utterly relaxed.
I ground my teeth and closed my eyes...
“Argh!” I heard Joash cry out as bright light flooded the area. Even as I opened my eyes, I had to shield them from the light. Classic immobilising tactics. How many people are there that can fight blind? I can hazard a guess of none. Thank goodness I had expected it and closed my eyes.
Spotlights were shining on us. As my eyes slowly recovered to some extent, I could see dark shapes far in the distance, and more importantly, a black, human-like outline in front of the spotlights, its shadow stretching a great distance, nearly reaching the two of us. By this, I could judge that the room was pretty long; about fifty metres from the door to the spotlights.
“There are a lot of questions I would like to ask you. Let’s start with question one. Who are you?” An ancient-sounding, old and commanding voice echoed off the walls and shook our eardrums. Well, mine at least.
Unable to resist the challenge, I opened my big mouth and yelled, “You wanna know who I am? My name’s-“
Joash cut me off by covering my mouth firmly.
“For some mercenary girl, you sure aren’t very bright about things. Such as this not being the kind of guy you want to reveal your name and relations to.”
I bristled. “And you just gave away my occupation you idiot!”
“Very amusing. I may employ both of you as jesters in my new world order. Very well. I shall reveal myself to you, in the interests of introduction.”
The real lights built into the building came on, and the spotlights were turned off, allowing us to have a look at this room, and our potential opponent.
The confines of the rectangular room were completely made of metal and had lines running randomly along the walls at right-angles, perpendicular to the ceiling and floor; the walls even had a pretty sheen, showing that they were actually well-maintained. However, there was nothing in the room, save for the spotlights and a massive metal door at the other end of the room relatively to where we were standing, stretching nearly from floor to ceiling and nearly all the way across the wall, leaving about a metre spare on either side, which was really little considering the door looked ten whole metres wide and another four tall.
As for the man who had spoken to us, the lights gave us no clue as to how he looked like either, especially because he was dressed in a large, loose cape that was dark-blue, approaching black, with a large hood that was currently pulled over his head. Being around thirty metres away, I also could not judge his height.
“My name is Doctor Hell. I was a scientist for Team Rocket, as you can guess. Now, your names?”
I reacted faster than Joash, “No way we’re going to trade our identities for this crap that you call “revealing yourself”! At least show your face to us, dammit!”
He stepped back, as if he had been hit, and then suddenly started laughing maniacally. “Very well then, onto business. Don’t mind if I call the two of you girl and boy, however...”
We made no response, and he ploughed on, “Next question: Why are you here? No, wait, let me answer it for myself. Perhaps stumbled upon this building by accident? Or perhaps someone has gotten wind of my plan for world domination? But it doesn’t matter! My plan is close to fruition. Soon, the world will be in my mercy!”
And as he said that with wild gestures, the huge metal door behind opened slightly, and the air was filled with an overwhelming buzzing noise.
“Bugs?” I yelled over the sound, covering my ears. “You’re going to take over the world with bugs?”
“Why NOT!? Arado, Seolla!! Attack!” he howled.
Two red blurs shot through the air, heading towards us. I leapt aside and called out my Pokemon.
“Felix, Thunder Wave!!!”
With a crackle, Felix filled the air in front of him with electricity.
“Good thinking,” I heard Joash say. “Thunder Wave to paralyse them.”
“If these Pokemon can be so easily beaten, how CAN I take over the world!?!?!?” The man was wrapped up in his own insanity.
Or so I thought, until the blurs zipped behind us, and all of us were blasted hard from behind by a tangible green pulse of buzzing.
“Agh!” I cried as I was thrown face first on the ground, wet hair flapping around me.
“Rrgh... They dodged it?” Joash muttered.
“AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! SUBMIT!!!” The maniac screamed in hysterical laughter.
I ground my teeth, pushing myself up from the ground as Joash did the same.
“Hyoma!” I sent out the Medicham.
Catching on, Joash called out, “Alakazam!”
Both Psychic Pokemon materialised quickly, and we ordered together, “Psychic!”
Then both of them were blasted away by another green pulse before they could even start up their attack.
“Hyoma!” I withdrew the Medicham before he could hit the ground.
Sorry Gai, I got overwhelmed... he muttered to me.
“It’s okay Hyoma, hang back for now,” I whispered to him. Silly me, sending a Psychic Pokemon against a Bug-type…
“Alakazam!” Joash tried to withdraw his Alakazam in the same way...
Then his Pokeball was stolen straight out from his hand.
“What?” Joash said, stunned.
And after two seconds, we wondered why we had not heard the sound of Alakazam hitting the ground.
“Thank you very much, children!” the man said, raising a hand to catch a Pokeball.
“Alaka-“ Joash cried.
Then Alakazam smashed into the ground. I could have sworn that Alakazam brushed past Joash’s nose as it came down: It was that close.
“Return!” the man crowed.
The customary beam of red light shot out and touched Alakazam, and then he dematerialised into the same red light and was sucked back into the PokeBall.
“You thief!” I cried, my brown-and-blonde hair flaring in righteous fury. Yes, even though it was wet.
“You little whelps can’t stop my plan for world domination!!!” He pointed at us, and my eyes widened to see a blue hand emerge from the cloak...
Then Joash started running towards the guy.
“GIVE HIM BACK!!!” He roared.
“Fool!” The man gestured.
Joash was flung backwards as two blurs flitted in front of him and rammed him in the midriff. He hit the ground and went rolling, coming to a stop with a loud thud against the entrance wall.
“Joash!” I cried out, and I turned back to our enemy, my eyes burning in anger.
“Humph. Trying to use Psychic Pokemon to read their movements... What amateurs! A Bug Pokemon can easily defeat a Psychic Pokemon for CERTAIN! Get her!” He waved again.
Instantly realising that he meant me, I leapt to the left, trying to dodge.
It did not work.
I hit the ground hard, clutching my body. It hurt like crazy... They had gotten me in the chest, crushing the breath out of my lungs even though I had ample... cushioning, shall we say, in that area.
I coughed a couple of times.
Then I noticed Joash run past me, screaming like a madman.
“Help him to another serving!” the man cried.
I winced as Joash was hit in the stomach...
And was surprised as he grabbed the attacking Pokemon, slid under them with sheer momentum, and cried out as the Pokemon rose in the air and he was lifted into the air.
It did not last for long.
Obviously no Bug Pokemon, not even two of them, could possibly have the strength to lift a human’s weight. The wings soon gave in, and the Yanma that Joash was holding on to appeared before my eyes for the very first time. Green eye coverings, red body, large transparent wings at the torso and smaller wings sprouting from either side of the tail... Yeah, you get the picture.
“Take this!” Joash yelled as he plummeted. Just as he was about to hit the ground, he smashed the Yanma face first into the metal.
“Yaaan...” The Yanma groaned, and then went silent.
12-30-2008, 08:27 AM
The madman was struck speechless for a moment.
“Impossible,” he seemed to conclude, “I have taken you too lightly... Return!”
The Yanma were gone in a flash of red light, shooting back to their Pokeballs.
I looked at Joash. “How did you do that?”
“No idea. My hands hurt like crap, though.” He raised his hands, which were red raw and trembling.
“Worthy… You truly are worthy,” the old guy muttered very loudly. We glared at him.
“I shall reveal to you... My identity. In exchange for yours.” He lifted one mottled, blue hand to his black hood, and pulled it down.
I gasped involuntarily.
The man’s skin was, well, blue, and his long, unkempt hair was totally white, streaming down to his shoulders. He had a bushy moustache, and no beard. All in all, he looked... funny.
“My name is Doctor Hell. I already told you, I was a scientist for Team Rocket-“
“A mad scientist, I think,” I blurted.
“Silence, woman!” he howled.
That shut me up more effectively than anything else. I was so outraged, I could not get anything out of my mouth. Why I was outraged, I… did not know. Really.
“As I was saying, I was a scientist for Team Rocket.” He paused. “And now I would be the future ruler of the world. Every ruler does need minions.”
“Sorry, I don’t mix with bad guys,” Joash said firmly.
“Ha! You have spirit! That is good, because subordinates need some spirit, after all...” He snapped his fingers.
“Ashura, entertain them while I ready our fighters.” Doctor Hell strode to the door, which was opening...
Finally regaining my senses at the sight of my enemy leaving me, I sprinted towards him.
“You’re not getting off from slighting me so easily!” I yelled.
“Ashura.” The door opened slightly, and what could only be described as a person with a split personality stepped into the room, as Doctor Hell stepped out.
“Yes, Doctor Hell.” The creature bowed deeply. He/she was hideous. Only the face was visible, but even then, half the face obviously belonged to a man with tanned brown skin, and the other a woman, with white make-up and red lipstick on. As it spoke, I could hear the voice of a man and a woman in unison.
“Ouka, attack them!”
And the next thing I knew, I had hit the ground hard.
Darkness was creeping in from the edges of my vision. I tried to sit up, but somehow everything felt heavy...
“Snap out of i- Gugh!” I heard someone say. Joash? Perhaps...
I gave in and let darkness take me.
Not good, she’s been hit with Hypnosis. Felix, you gotta get us outta the Pokeballs.
The Pikachu stood over Gallium’s fallen body, searching her for his comrade’s Pokeballs.
“You sure are a sucker for punishment. First Yanma, then we have Yanmega,” he muttered.
Tossing the Pokeballs into the air, Felix watched as the Medicham and two Magneton emerged, along with a Togekiss, a Weedle, a Dugtrio, and a Linoone.
There’s no time. I need to combine... Hyoma looked at Felix beseechingly.
There was a silent moment between Gallium’s entire team of Pokemon, punctuated by Joash yelling out attacks and grunting in pain as the Yanmega beat the stuffing out of him while Felix studied his grey-bodied comrade, looking like he was wearing low-cut purple pants and a small, purple hat with a little point on top of his head.
Making up his mind, Felix started flapping his arms at his sides and declared, “Combine OK! Combine OK!”
“Alright!” Hyoma yelled aloud.
The Magneton separated into individual Magnemite, releasing a great deal of energy, and promptly stuck themselves into position on the Medicham’s body as he telepathically stored the energy into his own body. Two attached to his hands, another two to his feet, one on his chest and one on his head, pointing its magnets into a V-shaped position.
“COMBATTURA.... V!!!” Hyoma cried, expiring a few purple bolts into the air.
“Okay bud, you take care of the buggy, and the rest of us will wake Sleeping Beauty. Capicé?” Felix held out his hand in an OK sign.
“Yes, Felix,” Hyoma turned to see Joash dodging another pass by the Yanmega, with his Metagross by his side.
“CHODENJI YOYO!!!” Hyoma cried, connecting two psychic tendrils to the Magnemite on his arms, and then starting to twirl them like yoyos before throwing them out.
The yoyos speedily hurtled towards the green blur, which quickly dodged and began swooping towards Hyoma.
“Hah!” Hyoma grunted as the Magnemite were returned to his hand with a loud thunk. “TWIN LANCESA!!!”
The two Magnemite on his feet hastily floated up to his hands, put their magnets together with a loud slap, and then were attracted to the Magnemite on his hands, docking securely, and then purple, triangular blades erupted from the magnets.
As the Yanmega approached, Hyoma swiped at her with his blades made of electromagnetic energy, and smiled as he nicked her.
Then he howled as the Yanmega blasted him with a light green, buzzing pulse.
Hyoma hit the ground with a loud thunk as the Magnemite shifted to cushion his fall. It did not really help, admittedly.
“HAHAHAHA!” Ashura crowed, every bit as maniacal as its master, made even scarier by the male and female voices mixing. “Interesting, but you cannot defeat Ouka, the ace of our School! Forced evolution courtesy of our science, and a combination of both of Yanmega’s possible abilities: Speed Boost and Tinted Lens!!! It is unbeatable!!!” And then it kept up a loud cacophony of evil laughter.
“...Hyoma’s not going to hold. We need ideas on how to slap our master awake. Anyone got Wake-Up Slap?” Felix asked.
“Well, I have Metronome...” StealthGao the Togekiss said shyly, fluttering her large white wings.
“Potluck is annoying,” LinerGao grumbled, curling his white Linoone body into a ball.
“Oh shush you, you can try if it’s that easy!” GadgetGao frowned, and stabbed him with her sting. She was a little segmented worm, almost totally brown, save for the large red nose or mouth, depending on how you wanted to look at it, and the two large white stings, one on her head and one on her tail that was slightly smaller than the one on her head.
LinerGao grumbled, but said nothing, opting to catch some shuteye.
The Togekiss began to flap her wings, and ended up summoning a shower of rocks from the roof.
Everyone got a big shock. The huge, green bug with crimson eye-coverings managed to zip in between the rocks and dodged everything, save for being nicked once or twice. Joash’s Metagross shielded him from the rocks. Hyoma was bowled over, and yelled “What are you guys doing!?” Ashura screeched as it was buried underneath the rocks.
“Great. Try again,” Felix snapped out the order, irritated. Ashura was still screaming its head off.
Flustered, the white cross-between-an-egg-and-a-plane began to twiddle her large white wings again, as they glowed blue.
Hyoma picked himself up and raised his hands to his head, summoning a mass of purple lightning.
“CHODENJI TAAAATS!!!!” He cried as he swung out his arms.
Purple bolts of lighting erupted from his fingers, shooting through the air, narrowly missing the Yanmega as she flitted past by a miracle on Hyoma’s end.
“This looks hopeless. Maybe I should go help Hyoma,” the Electric-type pondered.
“Then go!” StealthGao yelped as she said “go” due to the Metronome activating and causing her to use Pound, hitting Gallium in the face.
GadgetGao poked Gallium with her puny Weedle sting.
There was a moment of silence. Then suddenly Ashura started screaming again.
“Nope, no go.” GadgetGao shrugged as well as a little worm could shrug.
The rest yawned, and the egg-like bird started up another Metronome.
Felix stalked away to help Hyoma and was instantly rewarded with a Tackle followed by a Bug Buzz from out of nowhere. When he hit the ground, all he could see was green.
“Nyaaaarggh…” Felix muttered and yelped as he was picked up by the ear. “Not the ear, not the ear dammit, those are sensitive!”
“I need you to open this Pokeball, fast.” Felix saw a cracked Pokeball being dangled in front of him, and immediately punched it. Anything to relieve the agony on his ears.
The Pokeball shattered, and the entity within released. It was a large, pink creature, mostly shaped like an egg with the exception of its weird ears and odd wings adorning its arms and around the waist, like a skirt, with a pouch in the belly which housed a white egg. Its lower body was entirely white though.
Forgetting about Felix in his excitement, Joash dropped the rodent and cried over Ashura’s screams, “Blissey, Heal Bell!”
An odd chime fluttered through the air.
“Oh, oh, it’s Heal Bell!” StealthGao said happily.
The Pokemon all looked down in surprise.
I opened my eyes to find my Togekiss, my Weedle, my Linoone and my Dugtrio staring down at me.
“Awake,” the three-mole anomaly piped.
I sat up and shook my head to dispel the sleep that had imprisoned me for whole minutes.
“What the hell is that noise?” I muttered, my eyes finding the source: the man/woman hybrid mutant person-thing, which happened to blow away the rocks covering it just as I looked in its general direction. Now it was laughing very, very loudly, very, very irritatingly, and as we were about to find out, for a very, very long time.
“Come on Gai, there’s no time to lose!” I heard Joash’s voice as he seized me under the armpits and dragged me to my feet.
“Leggo!” I struggled, and found firm footing before I shrugged him off.
“We need to beat that Yanmega.” Joash pointed to a greenish blur flitting around while Hyoma was swinging his Twin Lancer wildly, like swatting a fly. He had to yell loudly over Ashura’s insane laughter.
“Yeah, I know.” I ground my teeth.
Just then, I felt a great heat from behind, and I leapt aside as StealthGao unleashed a massive wall of fire in the shape of the Chinese word for big; like a human standing with legs wide apart and arms outstretched in both directions.
I blinked as something hard tapped my hip.
“Metronome,” the signboard read.
No time to do anything. Time to take advantage of the Metronome’d Fire Blast.
“C’mon, everyone attack!” I yelled.
All my Pokemon dashed off, leaving Joash and his fat, pink Blissey behind.
With such a huge amount of fire hanging around, the Yanmega’s movement would be limited. This was obviously the best time to strike.
“Blissey, Fire Blast!” A distinctive voice came over Ashura’s increasingly maniacal laughter. How does he do it, I wonder…
“What!?” I yelped as another wall of flames passed over my head, nearly setting my clothes on fire. It did dry me by a lot though.
No time to think. Gotta focus. I could get even with him later…
The Yanmega barely dodged the second Fire Blast, and from then on it was a flurry of attacks. DrillGao took a swipe with Aerial Ace, which was easily dodged, before it was jumped on by a certain little brown worm, which viciously bit into the Yanmega and stuck her sting deep before the Yanmega flapped hard and threw her off, then it barrel rolled to dodge an Air Slash from my favourite Togekiss, flew a bit further up to dodge a certain electric mouse’s Thunderpunch only to have to avoid my own punch by flitting forward.
And instantly it was hit with a blast of purple lightning coupled with a cry of “CHODENJI TAT SU MAKI!!!”
“Hyoma!” I cried happily. Behind me, the Yanmega shook violently, and a purple magnetic field encircled it, basically painting a bullseye on it.
I sort of got your memo. It was kinda commonsense to use Mind Reader to lock on anyway. He smiled. Now for the finishing move!
And he opened his mouth and screamed in coherent language, “CHODENJI SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!” cutting Ashura’s laughter off and causing him to look.
He clapped his hands together above his head as the Magnemite on his hands put all their magnets together to form a point, and then Hyoma began spinning wildly on the spot until all we could see was a whirlwind, and then he shot up into the air, before suddenly changing direction in mid-air and heading straight for the Yanmega as Hyoma’s lungs continued to drag out the name of this super/finishing move “Chodenji Spin”.
“Impossible!” Ashura screamed as Hyoma drilled straight through the Yanmega, leaving a massive, purple pulsing hole where he passed.
Then the strangest thing happened.
Before our eyes, the large green bug glowed a white light, then began to shrink slightly, and its shape molded into a familiar, smaller version with a red exoskeleton…
Then the light dispelled, and the newly devolved Yanma hit the ground with a thunk.
We all stood there, stunned by the sheer incredibility of it. Even Ashura was dumbstruck by this new situation.
When he finally recovered, Ashura’s hermaphrodite voice sounded throughout the room.
The Yanma was hit by the familiar red beam, and was sucked back into the Pokeball in Ashura’s trembling hands.
“Oooh, how Doctor Hell will punish me…”
And then the huge metal doors behind Ashura opened, and Doctor Hell stepped back in, his face furious. Obviously he knew of Ashura’s failure. Yet, when he spoke, he addressed us.
“You little insignificant pests… Let me show you the true power of my minions!”
As he spoke, the doors opened wide, and two red blurs came speeding out.
“Arado! Seolla! Destroy the Combattler!”
Before anyone could react, Hyoma was getting smacked around by the Yanma from before, and as we watched in surprise, one Yanma crunched a massive prosthetic claw around Hyoma and lifted him up while the other Yanma flew around and rained Bug Buzzes upon the Medicham and the Magnemite friends. And with one massive heave, the first Yanma threw Hyoma onto the ground where he bounced once off the floor, and with deadly precision, both Yanma shot forward.
Blood spurted into the air.
The Magnemite separated from Hyoma forcefully, then slammed into each other, returning to their Magneton forms, before crunching to the ground, finished. Hyoma himself hit the ground multiple times, and skidded along to the wall, which he hit with a sickening, final crunch, leaving a trail of fresh, red blood behind him.
Hyoma himself hit the ground multiple times, and skidded along to the wall, which he hit with a sickening, final crunch, leaving a trail of fresh, red blood behind him.
“Hyoma!” I screamed, running over to the Medicham.
Things were bad. His left arm was the victim of an open fracture, and there were multiple deep cuts on his body, from which blood was streaming. Fighting Pokemon with genetical brittle bone diseases tended to be a recipe for disaster.
“Hang on, buddy.” I rummaged in my cape, searching for bandages and other whatnot amidst the background of maniacal laughter from Doctor Hell. I felt something swipe the Magneton’s Pokeballs from beneath my cape and I heard the distinctive sound of Pokemon being withdrawn. The electric mouse was being useful for once.
“Do you see now!? My power is invincible! Surrender and I might just spare your life!” The by-now-fairly-obviously mad scientist ranted.
“Blissey, Softboiled!” I heard Joash order.
The rotund pink Pokemon walked over, and with a flourish, fed Hyoma some of the egg in its pouch. Almost immediately, some of the lost blood was replaced, and a few of the minor injuries sealed. I quickly set his fracture right with a stick and bandaged it tight, and Felix, appearing from under my cape, began bandaging the other wounds quickly.
“Maybe I should make the two of you my lieutenants. That will make things run more smoothly compared to only having one Ashura. Yes, maybe I should.” Doctor Hell pulled out his long white beard from beneath his cloak and began stroking it. Ashura was in the corner, nodding while feeding the Yanma PokeTreats.
I did not take much notice of them, instead concentrating on bandaging Hyoma’s wounds tight to stem the bleeding and especially for the fracture, prevent it from moving like a joint.
“Gai, is he all right?” Joash squatted beside me.
As if he was responding to Joash’s question, Hyoma stirred and opened his eyes. Gai… Sorry.
“For what? It was impossible to beat them off anyway. They had you before you could do anything,” I tried to encourage him. He did do a good job anyway.
I could have at least defended myself better, he told me.
“Sure, defend yourself at all when your arms are pinned to your side. Tell me another one. C’mon, we have to beat up that guy.” I stood up.
Joash stood up and blocked my way. “You’re not serious?”
I stared at him. “About what?”
“About letting your Medicham fight in this condition, of course!” Joash said, a little louder than normal. I was cowed enough to take a step backward.
“Are you children even listening to me!?” Doctor Hell yelled.
“Oh, don’t worry about that, he’ll be fine,” I assured Joash, ignoring the good-I mean, bad doctor.
Hyoma was already on his feet, and no wobbly legs or what-have-you. He stood tall and proud. A large amount of it was probably due to the Softboiled earlier though.
01-07-2009, 04:38 PM
With a huff, and a puff, he yelled, “GALLIUM! FUUUSION!!!”
And then he hopped on to me, and I basically piggybacked him.
“…What?” Joash was dripping cold sweat.
“GAIGAR!!!” Hyoma yelled.
Now it was Felix’s turn to rant.
“FINAL FUSION! SHOUNIN!!!” I yelled, just to get him going.
He grinned very widely and screamed, “FINAL FUSION! PROGRAM DRIVE!!!”
[Author’s Note: If you have Yuusha-Oh Tanjou at the ready, play it now.]
And before their eyes, Liner Gao hopped up and encircled us across the waist securely, gripping to us, then StealthGao flew in and latched on to LinerGao. GadgetGao wound herself around my right arm, and DrillGao somehow duplicated himself and popped up under my feet, supporting all of us.
“GAO! GAI! GAR!!!”All of us yelled in unison.
“What, another Super Robot!?” Doctor Hell was shocked.
Ashura looked like it had been knocked silly.
And Joash was sweating bullets. Too embarrassing for him, I guess.
“Let’s use the Dividing Driver, Gai!” Hyoma shouted in pure Japanese. (Translated here for simplicity’s sake.)
“GADGETO TOOL!!!” I yelled. GadgetGao grumbled, and slithered over to my left hand, sticking her horn out.
Automatially, DrillGao started moving forward, headed towards the metal door.
“What is this!?” Doctor Hell ranted. “Arado, Seolla, stop the-“
Then we leapt off DrillGao as StealthGao started flapping her wings wildly to keep us aloft, and we blasted through the metal door, GadgetGao’s horn serving as a medium for a massive purple piledriver-looking object to appear.
Behind the door were a multitude of complicated machines, and most importantly, an entire shelf taking up half the wall full of Pokeballs. We went straight for that.
And I punched the shelf with the massive piledriver, ripping it apart and causing a small dimensional rift to appear, smashing all the Pokeballs where they lay.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! MY RESEARCH! MY LEGION!!!” Doctor Hell screamed behind us.
Well, his research was not entirely gone. There were still the computers. But I planned to make quick work of them too.
“Quick, I need the Broken Magnum!” I motioned for GadgetGao to move to my right hand. She did, again grumbling.
Seizing her by the segmented area, I raised my arm aloft and started spinning it around. A purple aura appeared around it, courtesy of Hyoma.
“Broken… MAGNUM!!!” I punched and released GadgetGao, and she blasted forward, spinning like a top, blasting through one machine and through the wall, then Hyoma directed her back into the room with telekinesis, and she shot around the room, wrecking the various equipment while emitting a high-pitched “Kiiiiii”. Felix told me she was keeping with the spirit and making machine noises. Hyoma said that she was actually screaming in fright. I never knew who to believe.
As soon as she was done, I raised my right hand into the air and GadgetGao safely landed in my hand.
Then the machines started blowing up, and StealthGao bailed all of us out of there.
Doctor Hell was furious. The Yanma were buzzing angrily as well, for having lost their comrades.
“Attack!” Doctor Hell roared. The Yanma sallied forth at high speed.
“Protecto SHADE!!!” I stuck out my left arm, and a purple barrier appeared, blocking an entire volley of light green pulses.
Then I felt a large mechanical claw clamp us, and I gritted my teeth.
“Hang on everyone!”
Before we knew it, another horde of buzzing, bright light green balls of energy blasted our vision into a mass of purple and green, and then after that we got thrown on the ground. We managed to land on twos with a lot of flapping on StealthGao’s part, and DrillGao gallantly cushioned our landing.
And then the barrier shattered as the two Yanma slashed us hard with their wings in an X-formation.
Of course it was he who was producing all the barriers and energy and whatnot, and the barrier being down meant that he was out of juice, or his injury was worse than I thought…
“Show them no mercy! TWIN DRAGONFLY STRIKE!” Doctor Hell roared.
“Everyone, try to shield Hyoma!” I covered his injured arm with mine, to avoid another fracture…
The claw clamped around all of us again, and I felt my insides churning as the Yanma furiously tried to crush us.
Without the Protect Shade, the other Yanma’s flurry of Bug Buzzes hit us at full force. We screamed in pain as one, then we were tossed on the ground backfirst, resulting in StealthGao and LinerGao screeching in pain.
As we bounced into the air, the final move came.
“SIS!” A young girl with shoulder-length chocolate brown hair shot upright in bed. She found herself breathing shallowly, and tried to calm down, lest she get another asthma attack. It was still night-time, and the moonlight shone through the window. Seeing that her companion was still asleep, she sighed in relief.
Settling back into bed, she prayed for her eldest sister to be all right…
Our little combination burst apart as the Twin Dragonfly Strike was finished. LinerGao’s claws tried to grip me tightly, but it was in vain. He tore a good amount of my tank top and hit the ground, coming to a stop when he ran into the wall. StealthGao was flung across the room and smashed into the same wall, before flopping limply onto LinerGao. Hyoma released me and was thrown backwards as well, and I was flung on my face, and from my outstretched arm, GadgetGao was thrown forward and missed Joash’s nose by a milimeter.
Pain was immediate and overwhelming. My left arm was bleeding badly. I could not seem to move it, and it was numb. My right arm was in better shape, but there was still a rather deep cut on my bicep. My waist hurt where LinerGao had raked me with his claws. My nose hurt, but thankfully it was not broken. DrillGao just stood around, looking confused.
I raised my head and spat out some blood that I got from biting my lip. Urgh… Disgusting. I staggered to my feet, and nearly fell over again. My legs felt weak.
I managed to make it to Hyoma, who was lying on the ground, unconscious. A couple of new wounds were issuing fresh blood from their innards, and the fracture had opened up again.
“Felix,” I gasped, and I was duly handed Hyoma’s Pokeball. I returned him to his little home.
I felt strong hands seize my shoulders, and then a gasp before the grip loosened.
“Hands still hurt.” Joash grimaced. “You okay?”
“I guess.” I shrugged.
I looked around. The Yanma were back with Doctor Hell, looking tired. Their master’s rage was not quelled yet however, with his face still furrowed in anger.
“ASHURA! BRING OUT OUR HEALING MACHINE!” Doctor Hell howled.
“Yes master!” Ashura bowed deeply and pulled a large, cuboid machine the size of a human torso out from the folds of his robes. It had six slots that looked like they could accommodate Pokeballs, and the whole colour scheme of blue on the face with slots and grey steel everywhere else looked suspiciously like a healing machine as seen in Pokemon Centres. Ashura immediately set to work strapping the machine to Doctor Hell’s torso with some leather straps. With much melodrama, Doctor Hell withdrew the two Yanma and placed them on the machine, Ashura flicking it on as he did so.
My hunch was right. The familiar humming tune sounded sinister in the emptiness of the room.
“So you have defeated my legion and wrecked my machines... But no matter! I have the strongest specimens from my project! I only need two minutes to breathe new life into my two Yanma!” Doctor Hell ranted, voice filled with both anger and pride. “And when they come out of the machine, you shall be vanquished, since you are so determined to pit yourself against me! Play with Latooni for the meantime!”
With that, he threw out another Pokeball, and out popped a small Pokemon with a dark green body, two flowers with a yellow centre and red petals on either side of its head, and green and yellow leaves adorned its lower body like a skirt.
“Bellossom!” it said happily. It started spinning around the spot, and all of a sudden leaves appeared out of nowhere and whipped around the room as if caught in a storm.
A leaf flew towards me, but I did not move, and I screamed when the leaf cut my right thigh, sending more blood streaming towards the floor, and causing the air to become a lot heavier with the smell of blood. I was beginning to feel a little weak from the blood loss, and my legs shook and felt like jelly. I would have fallen if not for Joash catching me by the arm.
“Sit down and let me take care of this.” He held me firmly, led me to the wall and set me down while his Blissey parked her rotund bulk right in between us and the Bellossom and gamely took the hits from the Bellossom’s Leaf Storm.
Turning around, Joash ordered, “Blissey, Ice Beam!”
The large pink Pokemon sucked in a breath and shot out a beam of gleaming, light-blue ice at the Bellossom.
The Bellossom did a little dance, and suddenly I could feel the heat of the sun in the room. The Ice Beam melted before it could even hit the Bellossom. Instead, water splashed onto it, which it happily soaked up.
“I’ve got you now!” Joash crowed. “Blissey, Flamethrower!”
With the sun behind it, the column of fire issuing forth from the Blissey’s mouth was amplified, and a huge burst of fire headed towards the Bellossom.
Then Joash realised too late that the Bellossom was no longer there.
I stretched out my right leg as the Bellossom zoomed past as a green blur, and instead got yellow powder sprinkled all over my leg for my pains.
“Aaaack!” I screeched as the Stun Spore took effect on my leg. Cursed Pokemon with Chlorophyll AND quick reflexes to jump over things trying to trip them. I could only watch as the Bellossom ran circles around Joash and his Blissey, sprinkling various powders.
There were several minutes of uneasy silence as Joash tried to keep track of what was happening. Purple Poisonpowder hit him, causing him to gasp as the spores entered his pores and entered circulation of his bloodstream. His Blissey shuddered as paralysis took over it from the yellow powders, and his leg went to sleep as green Sleep Powder hit his leg. Um… Well… Yeah.
Making a snap decision, Joash started handing out orders. “Blissey, Aromatherapy!” Pulling out another Pokeball, Joash cried, “Charizard, Heat Wave!”
The massive orange dragon appeared, leathery wings flapping formidably, slitted eyes blazing in passion, claws gripped tightly into fists, and its tail fire blazing even hotter than usual. It was rather unbearable to be behind the Charizard. Especially as its tail fire began to burn into a larger size and with greater heat as it roared, sending a red wave spreading outwards from it, heating the air up to incredible temperatures. I almost expected my clothes to burst into flames.
Fortunately, it marked the very quick end of the Bellossom. The blast of heat toasted the Bellossom and rendered it instant barbeque, or actually overly well-done grass, flowers, and leaves. There were several other side-effects as well, such as causing everyone in the room except those too badly hurt to respond to flinch, and something inside the recharge machine exploded loudly, but the machine continued operating normally, judging from Doctor Hell still grinning, but the machine now gave out a loud, jarring grinding noise as it worked, masking the soft pinging that normally accompanied such a machine.
“Humph, no matter.” Doctor Hell withdrew his Bellossom. “No matter how many times you knock down my warriors, they will rise again!” He slammed the Pokeball onto the recharge machine, then yanked the Yanmas’ Pokeballs out of their slots and released them.
“Arado, Seolla! ATTACK!”
Joash seemed to want to bank on the sun to his advantage, and triumphantly cried, “Charizard, Fire Blast!”
The sun went out just then, and Charizard released a much smaller mass of flames from its mouth.
“Shi-Blissey, use Fire Blast too!” Joash ordered.
Even as Blissey released the flames from its mouth, it was too late to compensate. The Yanma split up and easily zipped past the walls of flames, before slinging a flurry of Air Slashes at the Charizard.
The pockets hit Charizard with devastating accuracy, causing blood to stream from his body, and he repeatedly flinched as the all-annoying side effect of Air Slash took hold of him. Sufficiently cowed by the ferocity of their blows, Charizard flopped over on the ground and mewled in fear.
“Aww crud... Charizard, return!” Joash returned the Charizard to his Pokeball.
“There’s the opportunity! TWIN DRAGONFLY STRIKE!” Doctor Hell cried.
And before Joash’s eyes Blissey was picked up, crushed in the Yanma’s claws, blasted with Bug Buzzes, tossed onto the ground and hit with the X-formation wing strike.
Almost instantly blood spurted from Blissey as she screeched in pain. The attack had most certainly hit an artery.
“NO! Return!” Joash bellowed, holding out his Pokeball.
Then he screamed as an Air Slash hit his hand, causing him to drop the Pokeball.
The situation looked horrible to me...
Then Felix suddenly ran in, picked up the Pokeball, and withdrew the Blissey back into the safety of her confines.
“F-Felix...” I groaned happily.
He winked, and then was bludgeoned by a Bug Buzz and flew into my stomach forcefully. I spat out more blood as he hit me in the stomach.
“Awk...” I tossed him aside with my good arm. Feeling was definitely returning to my left arm, and all it brought was more pain to deal with.
“Gai...” Joash was standing over me, wobbling slightly, with his hand held out. I grasped it and was dragged to my feet again forcefully. I winced as my weight was shifted to my right leg, and I quickly shifted it to my left.
“I thought you said you could handle it yourself.” I held his arm for support.
“I’m all out of Pokemon and strength. You?”
“Only got good old Felix left. The rest got the bejeesus blown out of them when we got hit by that whatchamacallit while combined as GaoGaiGar. Especially the guys you knocked out when we battled.”
We looked at each other, then at my rotund, short Pikachu.
He got the message, and shook his head wildly.
“C’mon, everyone’s been hit badly except you. Get out there and do something.” I kicked him hard with my right leg and instantly regretted it as an extra stab of pain shot up my leg.
He grumbled and pulled out his signboard, quickly scribbled, “Come get me” in large, block letters, and held the signboard like a baseball bat. Joash and I hobbled backwards, in anticipation of our manoeuvre.
“Are you TAUNTING us!?” Doctor Hell roared in fury. “Get him! TWIN DRAGONFLY STRIKE!!!”
That huge advertisement made Felix’s job infinitely less painful for him. He quickly jumped clear over the Yanma’s large claw and kicked him in the face to shoot backwards, also putting himself a good distance away from those accursed green pulses that the other Yanma was firing. Obviously furious at being avoided now, they began to fly in towards Felix at a fourty-five degree angle of deviance from the obvious shortest path, intending to nail him with the X-wing slash that the move was probably named after.
Joash and I started running.
The Yanma closed in, and Felix swung his signboard downwards in front of him hard. It was not part of the plan, but it worked, causing the Yanma to back up to avoid the move. Genetically enhanced Yanma are still Bug Pokemon, and thus are still eligible to be swatted by things after all.
Then the two of us leapt over Felix and screamed a victory cry.
“DABURU GESUPENST PANCHIE!!!”
And we punched the two Yanma flat into the ground, causing green liquid to explode from their bodies as part of their fragile exoskeletons broke forcefully.
“Grr, again!?” Doctor Hell cried, quickly withdrawing the two Yanma, and slamming their Pokeballs onto his chest healing pad.
“Hyaaaaaah!” Joash sprinted towards Doctor Hell.
“What the hell are you doing!?” I yelled after him.
“I’m going to take out the-gwah!” Joash yelled as Ashura flying-kicked him off his trajectory.
“Your opponent is me, you little punk!” The creepy hermaphodite voice sounded.
This left just me and Doctor Hell, who was glaring at me.
I braced myself, and screaming wildly, I ran towards him, ignoring the pain that was burning up my leg.
“Don’t bother, you little whelp!” Doctor Hell socked me in the face before I could even take a swing at him, before kneeing me hard in the gut, then decking me a real one in the face, flinging me backwards. I hit the ground hard on my right shoulder, skidding a good three metres before coming to a stop on my left arm, causing me to screech in agony.
I hurt all over. My stomach, my leg, my arms, my head, my face... Mustering the last of my will, I struggled to my feet, gritting my teeth against the pain.
“Sorry, Hyoma, I need you to fight one last time.” I muttered as I threw out the Pokeball and yelled, “Guys, get up!”
Hyoma burst from his Pokeball, bloody all over but eyes burning with determination. I hear you Gai. The final strike.
And from his mouth he issued the call: “GALLIUM! FYUUUUSION!!!!”
Fracture swinging wildly, he hopped onto me, clutching me with his unbroken arm and then wrapping his legs tightly around me.
“FINAL FUSION! SHOUNIN!” I screamed, my voice cracking on the last syllable.
“FINAL FUSION! PROGRAM DRIVE! GOOOOOOOO!!!” Felix yelled as he flung LinerGao across the room, and StealthGao carried GadgetGao in.
LinerGao’s fur was matted and rather bloody, but still, he gripped me and Hyoma around the waist. GadgetGao was dropped into my right hand, from which she curled herself tightly around my arm, and then StealthGao landed on LinerGao. DrillGao popped up and supported us from underneath.
“GAO! GAI! GAR!!!” We howled as one.
“Again!?” This time Doctor Hell was laughing. “I’ll make you look into the depths of hell you fool!”
“Ready everyone?” I called.
There was no need for a verbal response. My Pokemon were as in this as I was. I could feel the energy peaking within all our bodies.
“HELL! AND! HEAVEN!!!”
I threw my arms outwards the best I could, palms open.
Yellow energy began to radiate from my left hand: The power of Protection; and from my right, the red of Destruction spiralled outwards.
“Gimu gemu go gufwoh...” I chanted with increasing intensity as I tried to shove the two strong forces together with my hands. My left hand was strangely working again.
My hands crunched together, releasing a massive green electromagnetic storm, forming a tunnel from me to Doctor Hell, and as the storm hit Doctor Hell as it formed the tunnel, he found himself paralysed by his power. Well, at least he was supposed to be. Somehow, he found the strength to rip the device off his chest and hide it behind his body.
“SO LONG AS ASHURA AND MY POKEMON STAND, I, DOCTOR HELL, WILL STILL BE ABLE TO BECOME RULER OF THE WORLD!!!” he ranted.
“HAAAAAAAAA!!!” This time, our screams united as one as DrillGao blasted forward, and my hand was outstretched, aimed for Doctor Hell.
“AAAAAAAAA!!!” I bent my hands back to my body as DrillGao shifted to accommodate my new stance.
As we reached Doctor Hell I screamed heartily one last time and plunged my hands deep into him.
Somehow, I wondered if it was enough. Could our power reach through his body and grab those Pokeballs away from the machine?
With another great scream, I tore my hands out of Doctor Hell, staring at my hands to see the result...
[Capture if Gallium yanks out the Pokeballs. Fail if she doesn't.]
01-17-2009, 10:25 PM
Was graded a while ago, posting the grade now.
So this girl is on an island, where she i looking for Pokemon. She finds none, and instead s finds Joash, with whom she battles. The she finds the hideout of Doctor Hell, who has an evil plan. Joash and she try to stop him, with a battle. (Long battle, but still)
Good plot! I like your plots. It was a little jumpy, but it was pretty good overall. How exactly Doctor Hell would have taken over the world was sketchy too. It was pretty slow and boring in the beginning. Also, the number of jokes that deterred from the story here was too much for me. There were a lot of instances that you were trying to be funny, but it just distracted from the overall story. Try to lighten up on that.
But good job here.
Where is she again? You gave me absolutely no description of your surroundings in the beginning. There wasn't much of a hook either. I had to force myself to read through the first part of the story. There should be some sort of way to draw the reader in so that they want to read the entire thing cover to cover. (or post to post)
Not much to say here, since this part is so small.
Ergh. A couple of typos here. You need to proofread a bit more. Don't write things like: "-scuffling noises-" is not okay at all. It makes the story look like shat speak. The Author's Notes should be foot notes as well. Use * or something instead. Curses should be kept to a minimum too. Don't use that joke thing. A simple **** is fine.
Try to combine some of your skinny little paragraphs, to larger paragraphs.
Overall you did well. I'm nitpicking here, but you really should listen to those small things that I mention. Except the proofreading. That's big. BIG!
Fine. Fine. fine. Fine. FINE!
K. I'm gonna yell at you here, so get ready. :)
The descriptions were really lacking, especially in the first half of the story. No descriptions of the surroundings, in the beginning. I thought it was a desert, but then you ended up into with a river. It was rather confusing. So rule 1: Surroundings are good to describe.
Second thing is about that Rhydon. In the beginning I thought it was an Aggron. Try to say some of the defining features, like rotating "drill like horn". Also I never figured out what Hyoma, the Medicham looked like at all. You didn't mention it. So a tip here: pretend you are describing this to someone who knows what Pokemon are, but has never seen any of them. Ever. So that's rule two.
Third: some of the attacks were described meh-ish. Bug Buzz, and Air Slash in particular. Especially in the later part of the battle. Rule three: Describe all attacks.
Fourth, try to use synonyms for the Pokemon. Instead of Pikachu, or Felix, you could say "the lightning mouse", "little yellow guy", "Electric type", or something else. Saying Felix over and over again and agains is a boring.
Work on that. I felt that this was really poor, especially since some of the things I've talked to you about before. Keep working on it. I know you can do better.
Real enough. Medicham should have died by the end of it from exhaustion, and Gai too. Also what happened to that female voice in the beginning of the story? I expected a Gardevoir or something. Lastly, how would Doctor Hell take over the world? Just attacking over and over again with his mutant Pokemon?
Pretty nice. Even;y matched. The Yanma could have used more than a couple attacks, but it was nice.
The things that you did with Hyoma and that energy into Gai thing at the very end was really good, and innovative. I really liked that thing with the Magneton. That breaks up the monotony with "attack, attack, attack, attack". Good job with that.
On the whole this was pretty good.
Meh, I really, really disliked the description, but the good plot and decent battle, makes be rethink it a bit. One Yanma Captured!! Fix the Pokemon's description and I'll give you Bellossom. The little nuances and the surroundings will get you both Yanma. I know you can get better descriptions of the Pokemon. (I wrote this really late, if I missed something just point it out) Yes I am being sorta harsh. :x
02-14-2009, 02:29 PM
Because the edited story was too long.
Pokemon targetted: Yanma x3 + Bellossom (One Yanma already captured)
Level: 3x Medium + 1 Complex - 1 Medium (Captured)
Characters required: 50-90 K
Characters without spacing: 59,348
Characters with spacing: 71,582
You can cut a K off because my formatting was included in the character count.
02-22-2009, 08:02 PM
This will be short, since I don't have too much to say. Sorry it took so long. Long story, I was sick, blah, blah, blah...
First things first, good job with the description. You added a bunch. I still fill that you could have done better with Metagross. I think that that was all the only part of the story that you had not described well enough for me, and a little bit more about the 'hideout' of Dr. Hell. Second, I wish I knew how Medicham and Gal could talk with each other, but that, I think, will be explained later. And third, you didn't get rid of all the authors notes. They're a real annoyance (I think when reading) Stick them when posts are changing. Those things are already messing up the flow, and you don't want to mess it up more. Parentheses and making it from her perspective was a good idea.
So, since you really beefed up the description, and this is a pretty good story over all Yanma, Yanma, and Bellossom captured!! I wish I could think of more criticism, but I really cant. Some explanation as why Bellossom and not something like Roserade (who is better in nearly every way)? So yeah. Have fun Air Slashing and Bug Buzzing stuff.
02-26-2009, 01:25 PM
Finishing up. More PG-15 stuffs.
Blood spurted out of Doctor Hell's body as I tore my hands out of him.
"Nooo... Noooo..." he croaked before he collapsed backwards on the ground, spreadeagled, and lay still.
Opening my hands, I could see all four Pokeballs resting in my hands.
The deed was done.
A soft sigh escaped my mouth as my knees buckled and I fell face-flat on the ground...
"DOCTOR HELL!!!" Ashura screamed, looking away for a moment. Joash took the opportunity and smashed Ashura's face with one elbow, sending him to the ground, and Joash finished off by bending over and giving Ashura a solid straight in the face. Its eyes rolled back in its head and it lay still too.
"Gai!" Joash yelled, running over to the girl.
Gai had already lost plenty of blood. As he shook her body and yelled her name, he noticed just how pale she was...
Behind the scenes, Felix was hastily withdrawing the Pokemon back into their balls, especially a certain Medicham who was practically about to leave the world due to blood loss.
"Gai! Gai!" A sense of horror was beginning to fill Joash. To come so far, only to lose...?
"PIKA!" Felix yelled to get Joash's attention. Pulling his signboard out from nowhere, he quickly scribbled, "What the hell are you standing there for!? Bring her to the hospital!"
Coming to his senses, the teenager hoisted his companion, and began running as if his life depended on it. It didn't, but someone else's did, and he'd be damned if he let a girl die like this...
Bursting back out into the rain, Joash screamed in agony as the raindrops hit his hands. They had been bleeding since he started clenching his fists for punching the Yanma inside, and getting water into the wounds just made it hurt worse.
Felix skittered behind Joash, lest Joash fall over and no one save him.
The rain was draining the warmth from Gallium's body ever faster. Her pale face was dangling over Joash's arms, with her mouth wide open. Her legs flailed wildly with every step he took. He never thought he would see anyone look so vulnerable in his life. Not only that, but close to death too.
Reminded of Gallium's critical condition, Joash's feet pounded on the grass faster and faster, but he was already tiring. She was not exactly a lightweight.
In desperation, Joash screamed, "GAI! DON'T DIE!!!"
Don't die... Don't die... You can't die yet, Gallium.
Inside her consciousness, she stirred.
You haven't fulfilled our promise. Our promise as Heroes. You must ride GaoGaiGar again.
"I'm tired... Let me rest..."
You're too young to say this. There are still things you need to protect.
She thought for a moment.
"Nimue... Mum, Dad, Sylvia, even though she doesn't want me to..."
Yes, go on.
"I have to protect the world. It's my job... Even though I always watch everyone around me die..."
And that is why you should not let my life go to waste. Remember again, Gallium: When those with courage fight with all their might, victory is always assured! Even if it's only a 30% chance, for every person with courage, we can add 10% to form 100 percent!
And with that, the girl screamed a victory cry and began fighting with all her might...
"Doctor, how is she..."
"Relax, son, you look fit to collapse."
"Answer me dammit!" Joash grabbed the doctor by the collar. His hands were numb with pain anyway, so he didn't care. Besides, they were all bandaged up.
They were in Six Island's local hospital, which looked bleak. Literally. Everything in the hospital was coloured white, from the walls to the interior to the flooring. Walking in made one feel like they had just stepped into a plain paper cut-out until they saw any human in the hospital, which did wonders to remind one that they were still in a coloured world.
"Not good, admittedly," the doctor sighed. "Her blood-type is extremely unique. We need a biological relative of hers to be around to do a blood transfusion."
"What..." Joash collapsed into the seat behind him.
"We're trying to contact her parents now, as we speak."
Joash was silent. Beaten.
"Take it easy, sonny." And with that, the doctor walked off.
Joash didn't move. He began to pray...
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