View Full Version : (Part 2) The start of a great adventure!
06-14-2005, 12:49 AM
Please take note that if you have not read the first part, please do so or you will not get this at all. http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8764
And yes this story has only two parts. Eh, I was going to continue on the last one but I though 'why bother?' *sigh* yep, im weird. :happy:
Iona sighed in relief when the Pokeball stopped moving and the Weedle did not come out. Iona was so happy that she would have fell to the ground if Arith hadn't have caught her.
"Hey, Iona?" Arith asked the semi-awake Iona.
"Yes,....." Iona answered sleepily.
"Do you think you can stand up by yourself?" Arith asked, about to fall under pressure.
"Yes,........" Iona replied again.
"Good because I don't want to hold you," Arith said and let Iona fall to the ground.
"Hey!" Iona said getting up and starting acting normal again. Star started to sniff the Pokeball and pushed the little button and out came a red light that was Weedle.
"What are you doing Star?" she said watching Star play with Weedle when Arith came up and asked,
"So what are you going to name it?"
"I don't know. All I can think of is Bob." At that the Weedle looked up at Iona and started to 'walk' over to her.
"What?" she asked the bug, "You like the name Bob?" Iona laughed a bit as the Weedle nodded and she picked it up.
"Okay, from now on you-" Iona stopped and turned around.
"What is it Iona?" Arith asked as she turned around to see what Iona was looking at but she only saw a bunch of bushes.
"I don't think I want to be here any more. Let's go." Iona put Star back in her bag and put Bob on her shoulder and started to leave when she asked Arith,
"You coming?" Arith quickly followed Iona out the forest and into Viridian City.
"What was that about?" Arith asked as they walked past the Pokemart.
"Nothing, I thought I heard something that's all, and its getting dark anyway." Iona said looking down. She got her bag off of her shoulder and Star popped out.
"Getting dark, yeah right it's three o' clock." Arith muttered. Bob had now found his way in Iona's bag and fell asleep next to Star.
"Star, get out of there. You spend too much time in my bag," Iona said in a monotone kind of voice. Arith started to laugh and looked over at Star and asked,
"How come she doesn't stay in her ball again?" Arith asked Iona as if she had asked that question before.
"Didn't you ask me that before?" Iona said annoyingly. Arith thought for a bit.
"No, I don't think so," she lied, and smiled innocently. Iona sighed and said
"Star doesn't have a ball, I found her in the wild when she was a baby. Her leg was broken and couldn't walk so I took her inside and helped her when she couldn't walk, and when it was time to let her go, she snuck back in my bag and hasn't left sense." She replied, her voice was kind of flat. She reached into her bag as if she was looking for something, but couldn't find it.
"Right, of course. Now I remember!" she said as if she wanted to annoy Iona. "What ya looking for?"
"Oh nothing," Iona replied moving things around in her bag more slowly. She stopped. "Just looking for that thing you've lost but you don't know what it is and you just want to keep looking for it," she answered and pulled out a Pokeball.
"What's that?" Arith asked questionably.
"I think its the Poke dad gave me," Iona said and studied it carefully.
"Ah, yes this is my dad's Chinchou." Iona said as she put the ball back in her bag.
"So... what do you want to do now?" Arith asked as they left the forest and entered into Viridian City.
"Oh I don't know. I'd like to go see the Hoenn Region but that's such a long way away." Iona said glumly, her head still down.
"Yeah your right, plus your Mom wouldn't let you anyway." Iona stopped and looked at Arith.
"Do you have to be so negative?" she asked Arith and continued to walk on.
"Yeah, right Iona," Arith started, she didn't say 'yeah right' as you usually would, it was like 'yeah' pause 'right'.
"Let's just walk right up to your Mom and say 'Hey we want to go to the Hoenn Region so can we go?' and she'll say 'Sure have fun,' " Arith said sarcastically.
Iona gave her a stubborn look.
"How about we just go to Vermillion City?"
06-26-2005, 09:48 PM
"Vermillion City......." Iona said, "What's there?" Arith started to walk over to a nearby tree to sit under and Iona followed, still pondering the idea of going to Vermillion.
"Well, do you still have those tickets I gave you when I was still living here?" Arith asked as Iona was letting Bob climb up the tree and Star was playing around.
"You used to live here?" Iona asked surprised and Arith gave her an annoyed look.
"Yes, I have them, there in my nightstand next to my bed. Why? What are they for?" Iona replied and put Star in her bag and returned Bob to his Pokeball but it didn't matter because he got right back out anyway.
"C'mon let's go back we need those tickets!" Arith quickly said as she called out her Taillow and flew to Celadon.
Once there Arith and Iona stood at the front door of Iona's house, just staring at the door instead of going inside.
"Well, its not going to just open up by itself, so open it already!" Arith said impatiently.
"Oh yeah I was just... just uhh... checking the paint job. Looks real nice!" Iona quickly replied opening the pink door.
I didn't really describe the house in the last story other than Iona's room so I guess now would be the time. After Arith and Iona walked through the pink door they were in a medium sized room with red carpet and a piano on the right and the computer on the left. They were different pictures of Pokemon on the walls and a few shelves that held a Pokeclock and some angel statues. It also had a fancy chandelier for a light and was called the office. The room after that had white tile floor that was about a square foot long each tile. It wasn't much of a room; to the right was a very small pantry and to the left was the stairs. The first three steps were wood and the rest on up were dark red colored carpet. After that was the kitchen. Same white tile floor; your average kitchen. Left was the sink, oven, dishwasher a few cabinets that held cups, plates and stuff, the microwave was in the corner on the pinkish purplish counter. In the middle was a wooden table with glass in the middle as the 'table' part with wooden chairs. Right was a very, very small restroom and right and down was the garage. Straight ahead was the living room, fairly large with the usual red colored carpet. In the middle was a couch with an off-white color with a small table behind it, about a yard in front was a smaller couch like it, left of the first couch was the door outside and a rocking chair of the same color. Right was the fire place and TV, left of the fire place was four shelves which held music box Pokemon eggs of all sizes and colors.
Upstairs was a lot smaller. If you go left then turn around again you'd pass a restroom and then be in Iona's room. If you went right it was Mrs. Flippingstalk's room. And now they walked inside to the kitchen and who should be there but Iona's mom.
"Oh, hello Arith. Nice to see you again!" Mrs. Flippingstalk told Arith, washing dishes, or well drying one of her favorite china plates.
"You too Mrs. Flippingstalk. We're just gonna grab something up stares and head on over to Vermillion City all right?" Arith answered back, walking up the dark red carpet covered stairs, following Iona. When they got to her room Arith sat down on the bed, watching Iona rummage through the junk in her nightstand.
"I got them!" Iona yelled, "Now what do I do with them?" she asked and looked down at the two tickets. One had an 'H' on it and it was a sandy brown color. The other one had a 'J' on it and it was a dark olive green color.
"You give them to me," Arith said "because I have the other one." Arith took out a ticket with a deep sky blue colored 'K' on it.
"Great very touching, now what's it for? As a matter of fact what are we going to do anyway?" Iona asked as she laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling.
"What are we doing!?" Arith laughs, "Going catch more Pokemon of course! Did you think I'd leave you with two Pokemon and me with three?!"
06-27-2005, 05:02 PM
"Uhh...." Iona pondered, "Is that a rhetorical question?" she asked.
"No, but you want to get to Vermillion, right?" Arith asked Iona.
"Yes," Iona answered back.
"And you want to catch Pokemon, right?"
"And you want to travel, right?"
"Yes, now can we go already?" Iona asked impatiently, now standing up and tapping her foot.
"Fine but we need to stop by Cerulean City first," Arith said as she gathered stuff and put it in her bag.
"Why?" Iona asked questionably.
"Because I need a Bike,"
"Why?" Iona asked again, now playing with a Jolton shaped yo-yo.
"Because I don't want to walk," Arith replayed, now getting suspicious of Iona.
"Why are you going to be walking and where?" she asked as she caught the yo-yo and put her hand on her hip. Arith now looked up from what she was doing.
"You ask a lot of questions don't you?" she asked with a very annoyed look on her face.
"Gee, and I thought I was slow" Iona thought.
"Well, I have no idea what you're saying" she said aloud.
Arith slapped her forehead and sighed.
"We are going to Vermillion City," Arith started "to catch Pokemon. You know those cute little animals that always seem to hang around you." At that Star growled and continued eavesdropping from inside Iona's bag.
"Arith," Iona said, "I already know that part. Tell me something I don't know."
Arith took a deep breath and said,
"My little Taillow cannot carry both of us and our Pokemon AND provisions such a long distance so we're walking."
"Oh," Iona said "I knew that..."
"So why did you ask?" Arith replied outsmarting Iona.
"C'mon let's go tell my Mom 'bye', " Iona said and went out the door. As they were heading down the stairs Iona's Mom asked,
"Arith, Iona want some lunch before you go?"
"No, Mom." Iona answered gloomily leaning on the pantry door.
"Well, do you want some snacks for your trip?" Mrs. Flippingstalk asked again, and briefly stopped cooking.
"No thanks, Mom," she said again in the same gloomily voice.
"Well, then do you want another Pokemon for your trip?" Mrs. Flippingstalk asked but this time with a sly grin on her face.
"No, Mom, can w-, " at that Iona realized what her mother had said, "Say what?!" Both Iona and Arith had stunned looks on there faces.
"You heard me. Do you want another Pokemon for your trip?" she said again looking annoyed by repeating herself.
"Yes, but your not gonna catch one for me are you? Because you can't possibly have Pokemon can you?" Iona stuttered being real nervous.
"No, I do have some Pokemon off my own but-" Mrs. Flippingstalk was cut off by Iona who said,
"Your just gonna give me one of your Pokemon!?" Star poked out of Iona's bag and was looking over her shoulder, listening respectfully.
"No, Iona you will pick out one of my five Pokemon and we will battle," Mrs. Flippingstalk replied walking into the living room and got a fairly big music box egg. It had no doubt belonged to a Snorlax. Inside were four little Pokeballs and one Ultraball.
"Okay let's see, come in here girls," Mrs. Flippingstalk called and took the Poke and Ultraballs from the egg and put it back on the shelf. Iona and Arith walked into the living room and sat down on the little couch.
"Okay I have a Scyther, Hitmonlee, Kangaskhan, Ninetails, and a Misdreavus." Mrs. Flippingstalk said holding out the Pokeballs.
"What's a Misdreavus? I've never heard of them." Iona asked questionably.
"I've heard of them but I've never actually seen one." Arith said looking from Iona to her Mom.
"A cute little ghost Pokemon. I caught it when I was in Johto with you Father." She answered and picked up the Ultra ball.
"Do ya think I should get it, Arith?" Iona whispered to Arith glancing at her Mom every now and then.
"Yeah! Get it! It seems like the best one!" Arith told Iona, and she seemed as happy as Iona too.
"Okay Mom, I've made my decision. I want the Misdreavus." Iona told her Mom happily standing up.
"Fine. Get Star and you will battle me. If you win you get Misdreavus, but if I win you bring me back a Jynx, deal?"
"Deal, c'mon Star! Show me what you've got!"
06-29-2005, 02:27 AM
"Eev eev?" Star said as she jumped out Iona's bag.
"Just get over here." Iona said standing up by the fireplace.
"Iona, first help me move the furniture." Mrs. Flippingstalk said moving the table that was behind the couch up next to the wall.
"Sure, Mom," Iona replied and rolled her eyes at Arith who laughed when she saw her.
"I'm going to get some snacks if that's all right with you Mrs. Flippingstalk." Arith said heading slowly toward the kitchen.
"Sure help yourself Arith." Mrs. Flippingstalk replied.
When Iona and her Mom were finished moving the furniture,
Arith sat down on the small couch with a bowl of popcorn and a soda.
"Okay Mom, let's start" Iona said now standing by the fireplace.
"Go Misdreavus!" Mrs. Flippingstalk called as she threw the Pokeball and Misdreavus came out.
"Go Star!" Iona ordered and Star came running in front of Iona.
"Use Quick Attack!" Star started to charge for Misdreavus but fell right through her instead.
"What!" Iona questioned with a very surprised look on her face and her Mom starts to laugh.
"You can't beat me with normal attacks!" she laughed. Misdreavus started to laugh too.
"Iona, Misdreavus is a ghost Pokemon! Normal attacks won't affect it!" Arith told Iona.
"Gee, thanks for telling me that now!" Iona said annoyingly. Iona though for a while and then came up with an idea.
"That's it! Bob, use String Shot!" Iona's mom started to laugh, but then stopped when she saw Iona throw another Pokeball into the air and Bob came out. Bob's string Shot had made the Misdreavus vulnerable to normal attacks.
"Great! Now Star, Take Down!" Star ran up to the little ghost Pokemon and charged right into her.
"Oh, and here I thought this was going to be easy. Oh well, Misdreavus use Psybeam!" Misdreavus broke free of the String Shot and fired a bright purple ray at Star. Star tried to dodge, but didn't make it in time, and the purple ray hit Star and made her fall back.
"Star, use Bite!" Iona called to her Eevee, but instead of running to bite Misdreavus, she stumbled over instead.
"No, Star tell me you're not confused." Iona said a bit worried.
"It's too late Iona, she's confused" Arith said eating some popcorn.
"Star, concentrate and use Bite" Iona ordered Star, but instead of Star running and using Misdreavus as a chew toy, she ended up running around in circles and bit her tail.
"Now Misdreavus, use Psywave!" Iona's mother said and Misdreavus then fired a smaller orange-ish ray at star, and Star fell over again.
"C'mon, Star! Are you going to let a little confusion get to you? Bite!" Iona called to Star once more. Star stood up then ran over to the Misdreavus, and then bit it's ghostly side. Bob sat next to Arith and watched.
"Popcorn?" she asked Bob holding a kernel in front of him.
"Weedle, wee!" Bob nodded, took the popcorn, and started to eat happily.
"Misdreavus use psywave again!" Misdreavus flew up toward the ceiling and fired the same orange ray at her unsuspecting victim. Star looked up just in time to dodge the attack.
"Good one, Star!" Iona gasped and looked around for Bob, who was still munching on the popcorn.
"Bob, stop eating and use Sting Shot," Iona said in an annoyed voice. Bob stopped eating as he jumped of the couch and used String Shot on Misdreavus.
"Star, use Quick Attack!" Star ran up to Misdreavus, but before she could attack it, Misdreavus flew up to the ceiling where Star couldn't reach. Misdreavus started to struggle to get
"What?" Iona said as she watched Star miss the attack. Iona's Mom laughed happily and said,
"Ok Misdreavus, use Pain Split," Iona's mom started.
That's bad... Iona thought when her mother finished,
"on the bug!" Iona's mom said and pointed at Bob.
Ok that's not terribly bad... Iona thought again. Misdreavus focused on Bob and then they both flinched, Misdreavus floated down a bit, and Bob just fell over. He did not get up.
"Ok Bob, return" Iona said and aimed the Pokeball at Bob and he got sucked back in by the red light.
07-30-2005, 11:06 PM
Iona tossed Bob's Pokeball over to Arith who caught it and said,
"I'll take care of this," as she got up and walked out of the room.
"Ok Star, use Bite! And use the couch as stairs to get to Misdreavus!" Iona said as she watched Star climb the couch. Once she was on it she jumped over to Misdreavus and bit her side again. Misdreavus floated down away from the ceiling and closer to Star.
"Now use Psywave," Misdreavus looked at Star and then fired another small orange ray at Star.
Why doesn't she use that Chinchou that I think she has... Arith thought for a bit then continued watching Iona.
"Star use," Iona started but Star had already jumped up and bit Misdreavus, "eh, go ahead I don't need to tell you what attack to use," she finished sarcastically.
"Ok Misdreavus, finish her off with Psybeam!" Misdreavus smiled at looked at Star. She laughed happily as the purple ray hit Star. Star stood there as if she was expecting it, but the force was too much and she fell forward once the force went away. Star stood back up right after, she was trembling a lot though.
"Star, your too weak to battle, come back," Iona said be Star didn't move.
"Ok Misdreavus, now use Psychic!" As Misdreavus was about to do the attack Arith said,
"But I thought Misdreavus couldn't use Psychic,"
"If you have the TM you can," Iona started, "this isn't going to end well..." she mumbled. Misdreavus glowed dark purple and focused on Star, who also started to glow dark purple and float in the air, like Misdreavus.
Misdreavus smiled evilly and Star floated up toward the ceiling. Misdreavus laughed and then lost all focus on Star. Star fell and Iona caught her right before she hit the ground.
"That's it Star, no more," Iona handed Star over to Arith, who ran out the room to find something to help her.
Well, I guess I have to go find a Jynx now... Iona though and leaned on the wall.
"I'm going see how Star is doing," she added and ran out the room. Misdreavus floated around the place where Arith was sitting and found the popcorn, but she just stared at it.
I wonder if she knows she has Chinchou... Mrs. Flippingstalk said when Arith and Iona came back in the room and Arith said,
"Hey Iona, don't you have a Chinchou?" at that Iona gasped.
"I do, don't I?" Iona looked through her bag and pulled out another Pokeball.
"Well, then c'mon, we're not done!" Mrs. Flippingstalk said and Misdreavus floated back to the ceiling where she was before.
"Go Chinchou!" Iona said and threw the Pokeball and Chinchou came out in a bright white light.
"Chou?" he replied when he looked around.
"Chinchou, use Spark on Misdreavus!" Iona watched happily as Chinchou send electricity out of his antennae and over to Misdreavus.
Misdreavus felt a shock and fell down toward Iona's mom. She looked real angry then flew around in circles.
"Let's see, how about you use Psybeam!" Misdreavus looked happy when the purple ray hit Chinchou and he fell back. It took him about three tries to stand back up but when he did Iona said,
"All right, Chinchou use Hydro Pump!" Chinchou waddled and took a step then sent a powerful stream of water at Misdreavus. When Misdreavus was hit she flew back and hit the wall.
"It's okay Misdreavus, use Psybeam now!" Misdreavus fired a really weak ray at Chinchou. It wasn't very strong because Misdreavus was weak from the last Hydro Pump.
"Haha! One more Hydro Pump should finish it!" Chinchou once again fired the stream of water at Misdreavus and she slowly fell to the floor.
"There. I beat Misdreavus. Now what?" Iona said happily and threw a Pokeball at Misdreavus, and waited.
OOC: not to be continued :tongue: i cant believe i couldn't make up a better last name then flippingstalk :dazed:
08-05-2005, 08:49 PM
ok, I graded part 1 so logic entails that i should go ahead and get this one
Story-It was alright, I liked the mom vs daughter aspect of it. It was well written, but a little rambly at times. I enjoyed the conversational feel of it that aspect was quite entertaining.
Realism-yeah this is fine
Grammar/spelling/etc.-ok a couple of mistakes here. A lot of tense problems, I'll point out one
Hey!" Iona said getting up and starting acting normal again
should be Iona said, getting up and starting to act normal again.
also one part that really threw me off
I didn't really describe the house in the last story other than Iona's room so I guess now would be the time.
that first person thing came out of nowehere, it was kind of trippy
Battle-The battle was good, however, you need to work on describing the attacks in greather detail and what happens as a result. otherwise it was good, and I enjoyed it
Outcome-Misdreavus captured. It was a close one though, the battle helped you to get it. next time work a lot on grammar, tenses especially. avopid shifting Points of view(3rd person to 1st person etc etc). and enjoy that misdreavus
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