PDA

View Full Version : *Petals and Roses*


~*Lila*~
06-28-2005, 04:25 PM
This is my first story, so I'll try my best! :happy:
~~~
Chapter One: The Pink Thorn
~~~
It was a beautiful, calm and sunny spring day. The sun was shining bright in the sky, like a golden gem. There were Taillow flying around playfully in the blue, cloudless sky, Oddish dancing about on the soft, spring grass, and many other Pokémon enjoying the beautiful day.

"Chikorita, where are you?" called a girl.

The girl was in a forest. She was 14 years old and looked something like this:
http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/rstrainer53.png

Her name was Lila. She had just recently become a Pokémon Trainer, and was out looking for Pokémon in the forest when her Chikorita ran away. Now she was stuck looking for it.

"Come on Chikorita," she said, starting to cry, "I'm a complete faliure, I just only became a trainer, and my Pokémon has already ran away."

Lila sat there, depressed, sad and crying.

Deeper in the forest, Chikorita was calling out.

"Chiko, Chikoriiii!" it called, looking for Lila.

Lila heard her Pokémon's cry and imediatly called out to her lost Pokémon.

"Chikorita, is that you?" she called.

Eventually, the two rejoined each other.

"I'm sooooo happy I found you," said Lila to her Chikorita.

The Chikorita smiled. All of a sudden, Lila smelt a pleasent aroma, coming from behind a bush.

She got up and looked behind the bush and found a pink Roselia. The startled Pokémon ran off to another bush nearby.

"Chikorita, use Vine Whip on it and bring it here!" Lila said to her Pokémon, with a sence of confidence in her voice.

The Chikorita sent vines out of it's necklace and grabbed the Roselia.

"Now, we get ready for our first battle!" shouted Lila.
~~~
To be continued! :happy:

~*Lila*~
06-28-2005, 06:56 PM
~~~
Chapter Two: Lila's First Battle
~~~
Chikorita dragged the Roselia out from behind the bush. The Roselia looked something like this:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v632/LaN_scyther_66/sprites/roselia1.bmp
*Thanks to Pokemaster Lan for the sprite!

"Now, Chikorita," shouted Lila, "Use Body Slam!"

Chikorita charged at the Roselia, who had now taken a defensive stance, and jumped and slamed onto the Roselia.

The Roselia seemed unharmed. It bounded back at Chikorita and use Poison Sting. The effects were almost deadly.

"Chikorita... have you been... POISONED!?!" screamed Lila in horror.

She quickly pulled an Antidote out of her pocket and sprayed it on Chikorita. The poison died down instantly.

"Now, Chikorita, use Razor Leaf!" shouted Lila.

Chikorita stood there as if it was saying something.

"Chiko... Chiko..." started the Chikorita.

"Oh, I get it!" said Lila, "Use Body Slam then!"

Chikorita charged at the Roselia again, and hit it with another Body Slam. This time, the Roselia fell to the ground, paralyzed.

"One more Body Slam, Chikorita," shouted Lila.

Chikorita preformed another dazzleing Body Slam on the Roselia, who fell to the ground, unable to move.

"Now's my chance," thought Lila, "Pokéball, go!"

She threw a red and white sphere at the Roselia. The Roselia was sucked inside the ball which then started to shake. It shook, shook, and shook.

"Did I catch it," wondered Lila.
~~~
It's ready to be graded! :happy:

The Elite Ygseto
07-01-2005, 02:13 AM
I'll go a tad easy on you since its your first story.

Story- You have the start of an interesting story, maybe add more to the whole Chicorita running off part.
10/20

Grammar/Spelling/Detail- Not badon grammer/spelling, the was the only thing that struck out at me.

You: Lila said to her Pokémon, with a sence of confidence in her voice.

Me: Lila said to her Pokémon, with a hint of confidence in her voice.

Having that mistake took me out of the story.'

The bad part is that you have very little detail. YOu shouldn't use pictures to describe things, use words.

10/20

Realism- I could see it happen.
15/20

Battle- Way to short, I would love to see more attacks and emotion put in it.
10/20

Legnth- Really short, storys should be atleast 2-3 full posts.
10/20

Outcome- 55/100 = Roselia Not Captured! You might want to check out This (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8445).

Unix
07-20-2005, 08:07 AM
That Is Absolutely Cool,
For Just A Starter Of Writing A Story !!!!!