View Full Version : I start the road to champion !

Drake of the Elite Four
07-02-2005, 09:50 AM
[This is my real story, that one I begin in Mossdeep is not the real beacuse is spammed this is the real]

CHAPTER 1: With Trapinch to Lilycove

Ah, another beautiful day in Mossdeep. Today is the day that professor Inree gives new starters to new Pokemon trainers. This year there are Trapinch, Spheal & Aron. A boy named Drake, grandson of Drake th Dragon Master is 12 years old. He is headed to the lab, a former space reasearch center to get his Pokemon. Drake is a 12 year old boy who was very clever. He wore everything llike Drake, his grandfather except the hat and boots and he has a shirt under the seaman jacket. He has ash-brown hair and blue eyes. He wants to be the champion and train Dragon Pokemon.

''Drake finish your breakfest and head out to Erny'' said Drakes grandfather.
''Ok, ok do not rush me'' Drake said nervously. He ate and went to the lab. He came first, knocked at Inree's office and went in. ''Good day professor'' said Drake. ''Good day Drake, come please'' Inree said. They entered a room and there were 3 Pokemon. A Trapinch, a Spheal & a Aron. ''Now Drake, choose one'' Inree said. Drake thought a little and said ''TRAPINCH !''. ''Trapinch, hmm, ok, it is good for you'' Inree said. ''OK, that here is your Pokedex and 5 Pokeballs'' Inree said and gave it to him. ''Bye and thanks'' Drake said and he left.Then Drake returned home to tell his grandfather that he got Trapinch. ''Wow, a Trapinch that is good, train it well and get a Flygon, a strong dragon Pokemon'' grandfather said. ''Thanks'' Drake said. ''Now grandfather, give me a ticket to Sootopolis'' Drake said. ''No'' grandfather said coldly. ''What, why ?'' Drake asked. ''No'' grandfather replied.''Ah, why do you not give me a ticket to Sootopolis grandfather'' Drake asked. ''Juan, the leader is to strong, first head to, ... Rustboro'' Drake replied. ''But that is far away'' Drake again said. ''Travel, katch, battle'' grandfather said. ''But I go to Fortree and I could challenge the gym there'' Drake aid. ''OK,OK go to Lilycove, then to Fortree, and it would be good if you buy Fly'' grandfather said. ''I will when I have money'' Drake said. ''OK, take here 1,500$'' granfather said. ''Thanks'' Drake said. ''Oh, yes the ticket to Lilycove'' Drake said. ''Ok thanks grandfateher'' Drake said. Then he left and went to the ferry.

(In Lilycove)

''Ah, here I am'' said Drake, and went to the outer bound of the city, as he saw a Duskull. ''Woa, this I am going to catch'' said Drake. He threw out Trapinch. ''Now sand-attack'' Drake said, and Trapinch threw sand on Duskell blinding him. ''Now bite on his head'' Drake, said and Trapinch attacked Duskull and threw him on the ground. He stood up. He used Nightshade and Trapinch was blasted on a nearby tree. He was tired, but he stood up. ''Now Crunch, and finish him'' said Drake. Trapinch attacked but Duskull used Confusion. Trapinch was thrown onto the rock and was hit hardly.Drake ran to him and picked him up, ''That is enough'' he said. But Trapinch jumped from his arms and attacked Duskull with Crunch. ''Yes, hit the weakness'' Drake said. But Duskull stood up and attacked with Nightshade. Trapinch was on the ground again. Drake was scared for his Trapinch's health but he stood up and attacked again with Crunch. Duskull was down for sure and Drake threw a pokeball.

(Now I wate for the graders to allow me cathcing or not cathcing of Duskull)

The Elite Ygseto
07-02-2005, 09:06 PM
Story- It's bleh, not much of one anyway.

Grammar/Spelling/Detail- The grammer wasn't bad, but they is barely any detail! You need to discribe the trip to lilycove and not just say you are there.

Realism- Eh, I guess it could happen.

Battle- There was barely any story, deffinatly not even ehough for a point. You need to add more attacks, a battle should be atleast a full post.

Legnth- Very short, a basic story should be 2-3 posts.

Outcome- 28/100 = Duskull Not Captured! You might want to check out This (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8445). You need to legthen it alot more.

Drake of the Elite Four
07-02-2005, 10:01 PM
(OK, that was a hard kick :susp: , but I will try harder and How much do I have to get to catch a Pokemon?)

CHAPTER 2: The way with the new friend

After he threw it, Duskull broke free and ran away.

''Darn'' Drake said.

But the he remebred and ran to Lilycove to the Pokemoncenter. He cam in and went to nurse Joy.

''Good day, could you take care of my Trapinch'' Drake said.

''No problem, but he will be fully rested tommorow'' said nure Joy.

''What ?, OK'' Drake said and sighed.

''There is a room free if you want, but you will have to share it with a girl'' Joy said.

''What ?'' Drake almsot screamed.

''So you have something against girls ?'' a voice asks behid him.

He turns around. He saw a girl. The girl had long brown hair, and green eyes. She was drakes height and to Drake she was beautiful. She was beautiful, but Drake tried to stay cold.

''Oh, hello Emma'' Joy said.

''Hello'' sha said and smiled, but then she looked at Drake with an angry face.

''So...'' she asked.

''No, I do not have anything against girs'' Drake replied quicky acting cold.

''So why do you complain'' she said, but she was not so angry like before.

''I think it is you kow to ..., just forget it'' Drake said.

''Oh, yes and who might you be'' Drake asked again.

''I am Emma, and I will be your roommete'' Emma said, ''My Tailow, is tired after a battle with a Shuppet'' She added.

''My Trapinch, is tired from a battle with a Duskull'' Drake said.

Then they both turned to nusre Joy and Drake asked ''Are there many ghost Pokemon in this area''.

''Yes, they come from Mt. Pyre'' she said.

''OK, I am going to bed'' Emma said.

''I too, good night nurse'' he said.

''Good night'' she replied and Emma and Drake left.

''Good night'' Drake aid as he went into bed.

''Good night'' Emma replied.

They went to sleep. It was two o'clock after midnight as Drake woke up and heard a scream. He woke up Emma, end they want to see.

''Quiet'' Drake said as they came near.

There were 3 Team Aqua Members tiding up nurse Joy.

''What are we going to do'' Drake asked quietly.

Team Aqua went outside with nurse Joy. Drake and Emma followed them. They went pass the Mall, it was so big. Drake was wondering, how big it is. But Team Aqua stood on the beach. Then in fornt of Emma and Drake appeared a Duskull. It was the same Duskull as from before.

He wanted to battle, but Drake said ''No, and be quiet''.

''He could help us'' whispered Emma to his ear.

''Do you want to help us'' Drake asked.

Duskull, thought and accepted on everybodys wonder, but Drake promised him a battle.

They went to Team Aqua and said ''Release Nurse Joy''.

''Hehe, you really think we are going to listen to you'' a Grunt said.

''Duskull, it si your turn'' said Drake.

''Ha, so yo want to battle, ok Corpish'' he told and Corpish came out.

''Duskull, Confusion throw him on the rock'' he did it but Corpish stood up and ''Bubblebeam'' the grunt ordered.

He attacked Duskull and he fell on the ground.

''Noo'' Drake said as Duskull was his own Pokemon.

''Now Crunch'' the grunt ordered.

He attacked Duskull and he was badly hit.

''Please do not faint'' Emma said.

Duskull stood up but he was weak.

''Now, CONFUSION and the NIGHTSHADE'' Drake said.

Duskull levitated Corpish threw him onto the biggest rock, with full strenght and the hit him with a dark ball and Corpish was down, but then he began to glow and evolved. Crawdaunt stood up, but Duskull was quicker and attacked him with the same combination, Crawdaunt still tired was K.O.
''Noo, you idiot'' the grunt said and they ran.

When they were by the beach, they threw pokeballs, and three Wailmers came out. The three jumped on them and came by a cave, in wich they dissappeared. Then Drake & Emma untided nurse Joy, and went back to the center happy.

They left Duskull and Drake said ''Tommorow , at the city bounds'' and Duskull flew of happy.

Nurse Joy thanked them, and they went to bed. Tommorow they picked up they Pokemon and went out.

''Hey'' Drake called Emma.

''What ?'' she asked.

''Will you travel with me ?'' he asked.

''OK, why not'' she replied.

They went ans Duskull waited for them.

''Trapinch, I choose you'' Drake said and Trapinch came out.

''Now use hyper-beam on Duskull'' he attacked and Duskull was hit hard.

He stood up and used the confusion/nightshade combo twice in a row. Trapinch was so tired but attacked with crunch again, weakening Duskull very much. He was so wekend and fell down on the floor. Drake threw a pokeball. Emma crossed her fingers and said

''Catch him''. Drake hoped the same.

(I hope again that I will catch him, and if not it would sound relly dumb, him runnig away but as the graders choose)

The Elite Ygseto
07-03-2005, 11:17 PM
Duskull not captured! I saw lots of small errors, and you rushed it to much. You should go back and re-do your orginal parts.

Drake of the Elite Four
07-04-2005, 08:45 AM
Give me a full grading please.

The Elite Ygseto
07-05-2005, 12:10 AM
Story- It's bleh, not much of one anyway.

Grammar/Spelling/Detail- Its better.

Realism- Eh, I guess it could happen.

Battle- Better.

Legnth- Better.

Outcome- 43/100 = Duskull Not Captured!

That better?

07-20-2005, 07:49 AM
its nice too...cuz its hard to write story =)