Thread: Ocean of Chac
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Old 04-15-2007, 07:10 PM
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Larvinator Offline
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Default Re: Ocean of Chac

I'll grade this. Expect a grade here in 3 hours or less.

Story: This is a continuation, I know, but I didn't really read the last parts. Evil something or another, powerful stones, world ending...yeah. Seems good enough for two Karps, but I do wonder why he intoxicated some weak Magikarp instead of, say, a Gyarados. But, yeah, the story works for em. Pass.

Grammar: You had some misspellings scattered about, all of which could be fixed by a quick spellcheck. Your commas were also off in a few places. Here's a hint: if you're not sure if a sentence needs a comma, say it aloud. Did you pause at some point? Then it needs a comma. But, that was really all, so Pass.

Detail: Though you described it well, you constantly reffered to Oak's hair as "steel grey," which got a bit monotonous after a while. A bit more description for your characters would've been nice, even though it's a continuation. Other than that, you were definatelty good here. Pass.

Battle: Descriptive and pretty long for a Dragonair vs 2 Magikarp. Though I feel that the Karps should've gotten in a few more hits than they did, it was still good enough. Pass.

Outcome: What do you know...Jaws and Tuna captured! Have fun with your new wolf-fish. :)
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Last edited by Larvinator; 04-15-2007 at 07:27 PM.
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