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Old 09-30-2007, 03:31 PM
Tamer Marco Offline
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: i did it 4 teh lulz
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Default Re: ~Snowpoint Snow~

Intro: Starts off explaining where the setting is and the season, nicely done. You also show where your trainer lives and what he looks like, but that seemed a bit forced. Finally, the boy realizes a blizzard is coming to Snowpoint, and they have to flee.

Nice Introduction here, but when you do them, you don't have to just force the detail out of the story.

Plot:They get plane tickets and go to the new city. The family finds some reports of a grass Pokemon attacking and injuring people, while they eat. Then they encounter the Pokemon, a Shroomish.

Detail:Good all around detail for the Shroomish, but for your introduction next time, you don't have to force all of the detail out of the story to make it run faster.

Battle: Even with a type advantage, you made it seem interesting, with Shroomish casting a Stun Spore, and Growlithe having to fight his way through it. You also did some nice stuff with the Shroomish actually taking down the trainer, and flinching and everything. Nicely done.

Grammar:Strange, there were no mistakes in this story. Nice editing, but I laughed at this.

Quote:
Seriously the Shroomish had head butted Henry.
Final Outcome:Shroomish Captured!
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