I think this style of writing that you've chosen, this very emotion and character-oriented style of writing is really something that works well for you. You seem to understand how it works, and how to make your readers understand it as well. It takes skill, and you have it.
The plot is still hidden, and I don't know what's happening much beyond the fact that Girl is perhaps Vega? And she's going to die...hmm. Still, very interesting. I'll be keeping an eye out for your next installment.