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Old 10-22-2008, 07:32 PM
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Default Re: Staring Death In The Face {PG 13}


Well, I can see that you want this a lot, and you've at least tried, so Machop Captured!

However, when I was saying 'add in detail and description' I meant also describe what characters LOOK like, not just what they're doing more. Describe Nurse Joy. Describe Houndour. Describe everyone. It doesn't have to be pages and pages of detail for each character, but at least give them a little realism.

Also, I'd suggest using Microsoft Word, or some other processor when writing stories. You made a few spelling mistakes, such as 'carefull' (careful), 'togethor' (together), and 'loocked' (looked).
MK + Trainer17 = Evil twins | MK + Leo = BFFs
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