Thread: Storm [NWC]
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Old 07-04-2009, 10:04 PM
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Default Re: Storm [NWC] [ready to grade]

Introduction: The story starts with a mysterious man - Z(Zack) - breaking into a base. He proceeds to steal Pokeballs until guards interrupt him. He unleashes a beastly Aggron that tears apart the guards as he makes his escape. Despite all the effort, he gets shot and fails to retrieve the Pokeballs he dropped. Pretty exciting, huh?

Plot: The plot itself starts with Zack being demoted from Storm's 1st Class Admin to a lowly Grunt. After receiving medical treatment for the gunshot wound, Zack returned to his quarters, worried about the next day. The agent spends the next few days off-duty, due to insult and injury. After seeing what kind of missions a Grunt receives, I have to say, Storm sounds like a bad-ass Team Rocket.

Description: Your description was good. You didn't give any major description about the Storm Leader or Tom, but you did go into great detail about the ranking system of Storm, the Pokemon, and the attacks. I was fine with this, I just wish you could've described it a bit better.

Grammar: Nothing too major. Unraveling has one L. You did, at one point in the first paragraph, forget to seperate dialogue with a comma and end quotation. Usually, when a trainer calls out a command, and when the Pokemon does that attack, they should be in seperate paragraphs. Usually, Pokeballs is one word. Other than that, good work.

Length: For Two Medium Pokemon like Snorunt and Gligar, it takes 20k-40k, you landed safely in the middle with 31,790. Good job.

Battle: You didn't battle either Pokemon. But the Ninetales+Weavile versus Tyranitar+Scizor was cool. I liked how you brutalized Scizor with Ninetales' attacks. I believe you described the battle accurately, especially since Tyranitar is an incredibly tough Pokemon to take out. Still, I really would've like to see a battle against the Pokemon you are trying to catch.

Outcome: Everything was good, if not great. My only realy issue is that Gligar and Snorunt weren't mentioned until the last set of dialogue.

Snorunt and Gligar Captured! Not every story needs a battle, but it helps a lot, keep that in mind next time.
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Last edited by Gokudera-Kun; 07-04-2009 at 10:52 PM.
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