OoC: well, for starter, copy/pasting parts of my post isn't gonna help- try to re-elaborate it a little in your own words. You were good in starting from the previous attack, but you have to go in deeper details when describing things. I know it doesn't come natural, but that's exactly why you have to keep trying. I went through the same process, trust me, I know what it means.
Anyway, you wanted advice? Imagine things in detail, and describe- colour, feeling they give, temperature, state of matter, feelings of the user (if he likes the attack, if he's hurting from a previous move, stuff like that), how the attack comes across, your trainer's comments on it.... You're only limited by your creativity. Next time you're making a post think twice about what you're about to write. Type it down, then say "is that really everything?". If the answer is yes, you're done.
As he saw the energy gem rocketing to his Pokemon, Redino went for the counter attack. "Absol, knock that attack out of the way with Ice Beam, then follow up with a strong Bite attack."
Absol tensed up, opening his mouth wide as he charged up. Chill energy twirled in his mouth, almost ready to be fired. And the attack was always closer.
The Dark Pokemon roared as a thin spray of teal beams left his mouth and collided with the very close Power Gem, managing to avert its course ever so slightly, getting only partially hit by the Rock-type attack as he dove left and charged forward to the Psychic swine, eager to sink his teeth in its tender flesh.
The purple and black Pokemon tried to get away from its assailant, but couldn't really find a way, only managing to duck right and avoid a full frontal impact, as Absol managed to get a good grasp on the Pokemon's arm.
Enraged, the Grumpig shot a deadly look at the Pokemon firmly attached to its arm, and then its pearls started shining again, as he prepared for another Power Gem.
Area effect: It's hailing outside.
Redino is inside a cave. Light filters from behind him, but there isn't much due to the hail clouds shielding the sun. The cave is dark that you can barely see Grumpig. The cave is large enough to let An Aggron comfortably stand, though it'd have problems moving around. The cave seems to extend underground for long.
Grumpig (??/??/??) 47.41%
Name: Redino Xenerous
Location: Meteor Valley
Total Items: 9 hyper balls, 9 Max Potions
In Battle: Absol(M)(brave) 72.55%
TMs/HMs/BMs/SMs/MTs: TM Stone Edge, TM Shadow Claw, TM X-Scissor, TM Iron Tail, TM Rock Tomb, TM Aerial Ace, TM Giga Impact, TM Protect, TM Fire Blast, TM Flamethrower, TM Hail, TM Ice Beam, TM Blizzard, TM Substitiute, TM Thunderbolt, TM Calm Mind, TM Will-O-Wisp, TM Thunder, TM Dream Eater, TM Sleep Talk, TM Dark Pulse, MT Superpower, MT Icy Wind
TMs/HMs/BMs/SMs/MTs: TM Protect, TM Roost
Rash Poochyena (Quick Feet)
#1 Male Jolly Abra- Fainted
#2 Male Rash Poochyena - Caught
#3 Grumpig (??/??/??)