Thread: Chasing Rotom
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Old 12-12-2009, 04:24 PM
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Phantom Kat Offline
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Default Re: Chasing Rotom (Waiting on Regrade)

It certainly seems like you added plenty more of description, especially to the surroundings. Also, the battle was nice and lengthy with a good array of attacks and Rotom-possesion. However, you have to be careful that when you edit or add something for a re-grade that you don’t add more mistakes than there already are. I saw missing quotation marks, misspelled words, uncapitalized words, and at the end of the battle, you even switched from “Taylor” to “Sec.” Yes, you added more, but the mistakes in your edits can make a grader think, “He added more, but it doesn’t seem like he put a great effort into this. Why should I pass him?”

On top of the mistakes Elrond pointed out, make sure that every number below “100” is written out. So it’s not “15-years-old” but “fifteen-years-old”, and so on.

Also, I can’t help but point out that Joshua’s adoption process was too… unrealistic. So Sister Rose would allow some guy who claims to be Josh’s brother to adopt him on the spot. On top of that, when someone is going to adopt a child, whoever is charge of the adoption process makes sure that the person will be able to provide for the child and take care of him, so how do they know Taylor isn’t dirt poor or a druggie living on the streets? This is where the realism of the story veers off, and it can certainly effect the outcome of the capture.

Nonetheless, you did what Elrond said, so Rotom captured! Once again, be careful with your grammar and your realism! Have a nice day. :o

- Kat

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