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Old 04-25-2010, 08:27 PM
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TheDarkEevee Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Fightin' for my life in the UG
Posts: 908
Default Re: The Search for Him

Hmm, it feels weird to be reviewing again... sorry, that's me talking to myself...


Anyway, it's an interesting story. Good plot line. I like me a good fantasy. However, it seems... a little more surreal then it should be. Double magnums? That doesn't sound too bad. But a broadsword as well? Wouldn't the Lycan's have at least tried to check for weapons before attacking?

Also, if Lucas is the one writing the reports, why is it being narrated in third person?

Oh, andyou seem to have the same problem as my brother: capitalizing random words. As examples, you capitalized "magnum" randomly, and in the third entry, you capitalized "bi-plane". Since they're not proper nouns, they shouldn't be uppercased.

Just my two cents. It's pretty good though, and I'll be watching for entry four.
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Last edited by TheDarkEevee; 04-27-2010 at 11:51 PM.
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