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Old 04-27-2010, 06:42 PM
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Default Re: The Search for Him

Originally Posted by TheDarkEevee View Post
Hmm, it feels weird to be reviewing again... sorry, that's me talking to myself...

Anyway, it's an interesting story. Good plot line. I like me a good fantasy. However, it seems... a little more surreal then it should be. Double magnums? That doesn't sound too bad. But a broadsword as well? Wouldn't the Lycan's have at least tried to check for weapons before attacking?

Also, if Lucas is the one writing the reports, why is it being narrated in third person?

Oh, andyou seem to have the same problem as my brother: capitalizing random words. As examples, you capitalized "magnum" randomly, and in the third entry, you capitalized "bi-plane". Since their not proper nouns, they shouldn't be uppercased.

Just my two cents. It's pretty good though, and I'll be watching for entry four.
Ah, the writing in Italics is when he's writing in his 'Diary'. But I think you knew that. XD Anyway, I thought it'd be a good idea for it to go from him writing, to the story being narrated. It's like... He has his little moment for every chapter. I just thought the idea of him writing his little intro/outro then it changing to the story narrating itself would be kinda cool. XD

Yeah, I have a habit of Capitalizing random words. A habit I need to get out of. =P

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