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Old 12-22-2010, 12:40 AM
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Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
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Default Re: Heart of a Lugia [PG - PG 13 for violence]

Quote:
Originally Posted by aeoneeveemoon View Post
WOW I HATE GRAMMER.

-Yes, the mistake was on purpose-

I thanks you SOSOSOSOSOMUCH for the gracious comments~! It means a lot to me to see that a friend who is a really good writer likes something I wrote so much. After Chapter Two (MARTETMARTETMARTETFANGIRLMARTETWOO) is up and Chapter Three is finished (and I really need to think of something to happen in it) I will correct all my mistakes.

I will! And just so you know, I try to make HoaL humorous whenever possible! That's what I like about Chrissie (to toot my own horn) that she can always come up with a snappy comment or goofy thought. X3
xDDDDDDD Grammar is harsh sometimes!

IT'S OKAY WHEN YOU SPEAK OUT OF STORIES IN CAPITALS GRAMMAR DOESN'T MATTER.

xDDD No worries! ^v^ Sorry I keep disappearing and not commenting for a while. Dx But around Christmas time I'm asked to do other things, and sometimes it's hard to get in the mood to sit down and read a story. xD Oh, really? xDD Well of course I like yours so much! It's well written and very entertaining. ^^ (xDDDDDDD) Okay, haha. x) Take your time. x) If you need any ideas or anything, I can help if you like!

Quote:
Originally Posted by aeoneeveemoon View Post
“I had to attack that guy, and I killed him, and I didn’t mean to or want to but he’s dead, so I guess it’s not important, but still…come on!”

Lucent stared, half shocked by circumstance, half by how the Poochyena had been able to say all that in one breath.
xDDDDDDD I'm surprised he could say all that too! The only thing is that 'come on' seems to be a separate sentence, so put a space after the ellipsis and have a capital C.

Quote:
Originally Posted by aeoneeveemoon View Post
A Hexluk, just so everyone knows, is a purple-eyed Pokemon with a doglike snout, long fangs, a long tail with a big plume of fur at the end, and tufts around their paws. The males have white streaks that run from the nose down to the tail-tip.
Haha, when I first saw (well, read about her) Ellyn, I imagined her as a choroneko (haha, I just realised that that means something-cat because neko is cat in Japanese xD), but then the evolved form, but to make sure I Googled "hexluk", but nothing came up. xDDD It was then that I realised it must have been a fakemon of yours, haha. But I'd like to see an image of one. o:

There you go! So that's only one mistake. xD I started reading yesterday, and I think there was another grammatical error, but I don't remember what it was anyway. xD

But I like how you've refined it! Martet really is awesome. xDD And I thought Lucent was unnecessarily cold (as in, on his part, not yours xD), but I like that he finally felt sympathy and empathised with Martet. o: Also, haha, Rae. xDD I don't like dunsparce much (mainly because a friend used to have a friend who liked dunsparce because they were underused (which is, of course, a completely stupid reason to like something >.>), but that person was really horrible to my friend, so dunsparce now reminds my friend and me of that horrible person Dx) so it was funny to see that he wasn't a likable character. xDD

But I really like how you've characterised Lucent, in that most Legendaries are depicted as majestic and formal in both appearance and personality (including speech), but you've created Lucent to have a personality like any other pokemon, which I think is cool! Since I would be one of those people to have Legendaries all somewhat formal and all-knowing and stuff...though I don't think I've ever written about one, so maybe that's just how I imagined I would. xDDD But anyway. Martet is also really cute. xDD I think he's adorable when he's like, "I can probably take off more Darkstar fingers. Maybe even a whole hand!" xDDDD

So now that they're free, I wonder where they're gonna go. I think it's really good that Lucent could free all those pokemon, but the question is: how many will actually escape? I also wonder if all the pokemon down there were for executing, and if not, then if it was a storage area or something. Silly Darkstars. They sound like the other evil organisations: power hungry and set up for failure. However, something tells me they won't stop going after Lucent, and Blake and Chris will probably get involved, too. >.< RUN GUYS, RUN!

I'll be looking forward to another chapter. ^v^

~GS.
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