Thread: [Pokemon] The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)
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Old 03-01-2011, 04:55 PM
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Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

LoL, I'm so late to the party, dang it! xD/Dx Let's see if I can get my scattered thoughts together, though. ^^

(Sorry if I seem in a critiquing state of mind--I've been going to a writer's workshop club at school, and I've been learning a lot from that)

There was this one sentace that confused me, and I think that Xanthe pointed it out earlier:

Wildflame had to try to make herself look calm when she really wanted to snarl at the absol. Scytheclaw wronged us?
With how the story's going, shouldn't the latter sentance either end in an exclamation mark? Or switched around to say "We wronged Scytheclaw?" Since the absol (hehehe absol's ftw!) was suggesting that it was thier fault, not Scytheclaws, in his speech.

But I think that was the only thing I caught ^^ (lol, though I'm terrible at proofreading xD)

So, moving on to the story itself: nice! :D Though it almost seemed to me that we were kind of skimming over these next few days--not really getting into much depth. But that's totally understandable, since it's making this unease grow... (we all know you're totally going to pull out a devastating surprise! :D I still think Cyclone is going to come rain on everybody's parade--probably literally... [Omigosh! That makes me want to see if he'll use his Forbidden Attack on the city if he marches his army there! >:D])

I think I might have liked to see a little more detail in the confrontation with Justin, but I really liked that Snowcrystal got the idea to talk to the humans about that. I had hoped that Spark would do something to stand up to his Trainer, but... Oh, you silly Jolteon >.< Say what you need to say! *goes off into song* "Say what you need to say... Say what you need to"

But I thought that was an interesting idea that the humans did with Snow; dying her hair? Hmm, I wonder how long that will last :o What would her kin back home think? I also have to wonder... aren't white growlithe's hair longer? I wonder if people--smart people--would notice that she has those other physical differences... But hey, I'm glad it's working so far ^^

And yay~! Nightcloud!!! :D I was so happy to see her in there! I really had wondered what happened to her after they all escaped. It's so good to see that she has a much better life now ^^ I'm curious too to see how Rosie will react :)

And wow, Stormblade's history :o Amazing! I would have never guessed that he was the leader of a swarm at one time! It's really sad what happened to him, though. The poor scyther never gets a break, does he? u.u STORMBLADE GET BEEEEEEETTEEEEERRRR!!!!! Hmm, you know, it might have been neat to actually have a dream or in-depth memory of his life back in the swarm--that might have made it seem more personalized, but... Wait, what am I saying? I don't know nothing! ^^' Sorry, must be that writer's workshop part of me coming out... xD

Anyway, I'm excited to see what happens next--and I'm way anxious to hear from Cyclone and his army, now. I kinda want to see more about this Silverbreeze scyther... :o Though she had seemed cruel in Stormblade's history, that one scene with her back with Cyclone has me curious. I wonder if she'll play any future role? :o

(Goll, I need to get writing more, too ^^')

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