Thread: [Pokemon] Survival Project
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Old 04-19-2012, 10:14 PM
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diamondpearl876 Offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 282
Default Re: Survival Project

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Those are the only errors I could find.
I will go back and fix those, thanks for pointing them out!

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In all honesty, when I began reading this, up to where Senori fainted, I couldn't say that I was enjoying it. I think I was confused. It was interesting, and I was curious to know why everything had happened that way, but I was finding myself really disliking that boy. And the fact that Senori didn't stand up for himself (I assume Senori is a male xD) and instead allowed himself to be beaten. Although, as I said, it got me interested to read on. I was curious to know about this situation. And don't worry--I do like the story. XD
I appreciate your honesty. The part where Sai attacks Senori is supposed to be confusing… though I think it wasn’t as well written as it could have been. I plan on going back sometime to fix it, though I’m glad you continued reading due to the mysterious tone behind it all.

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I found it intriguing that Senori didn't fight. He thought. He stood there, while supposed to be on watch, but he was completely incapable of carrying out any kind of harm or putting up a defence. It was a little frustrating to read because I was like, "Defend yourself, sentret! Defend yourself! DDx Come on! Don't let him beat you up!" (But obviously it was meant to be that way, so I'm saying you did that well. xD) I felt sorry for him, but at the same time, it felt like he wasn't even trying. He was letting his mind get in the way of his actions, and not in the right way. As in, he could have thought up a quick strategy, but instead he was too caught up in his own thoughts and questions that surely wouldn't help him at the time to do anything. It's a really interesting character flaw... I also loved that I had a hard time picturing exactly what was happening, because from Senori's point of view, things were clouded with confusion, even if his vision wasn't literally. His muddle of confused and jumbled thoughts was perfect for what you did and didn't see--detail. Everything happened so fast that he couldn't register everything, even though the process felt really slow and drawn-out, but I know that was because of all his thoughts. And maybe he tends to do that--even if something happens really rapidly, he might view it as something slow and not so abrupt, even if that only means allowing him the time to think many things, as opposed to being able to act in that time. Which is really cool... And yeah, I just loved that we basically saw everything from his point of view, and the way it was written was really effective.
I’m glad you enjoyed it, and dare I say, I’m glad that you were frustrated by it. If you weren’t frustrated, it means I did something wrong. Senori is indeed very flawed at the moment and is entirely stuck in his thoughts. He didn’t really do anything because he preferred the punishment over trying to defend himself. That’ll be explained eventually, of course.

I’m also glad you felt the confused tone I was trying to convey. It makes me glad that I chose first person point of view. Though the downside to first person is that, well, you’re confused when you REALLY wanna know what’s going on, but the upside, I think, is that you can actually feel how the character does. :P


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I really, really don't like Sai. He does not seem like the type of person I would involve myself with in real life, and same goes for a character. As in, he's a great character for a story, but personally I think he's a bully. >:c The first part was that he attacked a helpless sentret out of the blue. He didn't give him a chance to prepare; he just attacked him head-on. He gave him plenty of chances to fight back, but when it was apparent that Senori wasn't going to fight back, he kept pushing, as if trying to ignite some kind of fire that would make the sentret want to defend himself. And yet it didn't, so Sai's display of frustration shined through. He seemed really frustrated that the pokemon he was targeting wouldn't fight back. Disappointed too. And impatient, which explains his attacks. He was hoping that he could change this sentret's mind and force him to retaliate.
Haha. These comments are familiar. (I’ve posted chapters 1-5 on other forums and you’re definitely not the only one who has mixed feelings about him.) I’ll always be vague in my responses regarding him since he’s so mysterious and I intend to keep it that way, but I look forward to seeing how/if your opinion of him changes over time.

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I also find their speech really interesting. And the way Sai acts is very intriguing. I know there has to be a reason behind his foul attitude, and I'm extremely curious to find that out. I dislike him now, and I know that whatever happened to him won't be any kind of excuse for his behaviour, but I still really wanna know. So I'm looking forward to learning of that. ^^ And as for Senori, I would like to know of his clan and why they are so disapproving of him. o: And what that "incident" he talked about was, and how it affected things (seemingly for the worse). Sai's lack of knowledge is also really interesting... It's another thing that makes me wonder about his past. And why he seems so determined to do things the "correct way." It makes me wonder if he suffered some childhood imperfections that he feels he needs to mend by doing everything right...maybe to please his parents or something. In a way that might be like Senori, who wanted to prove that he was useful and gain some love from his family. Still though, Sai's past does NOT excuse the abuse, and the negligence of his first pokemon's health, wellbeing and feelings. It kind of annoys me that Senori doesn't stand up for himself and protest against his new trainer's harsh ways, especially as he strips the pokemon of his free will. I always imagined what it would be like for a pokemon with a family and other duties who is taken from their life to follow and suddenly become faithful to a trainer.
What stood out to me the most in this part was that you’ve already determined that the reasoning behind Sai’s actions will never excuse the actions themselves. Again, I look forward to seeing your opinions of future chapters.

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One thing I've always felt irked about was the whole being allowed to leave for a pokemon journey at the age of ten. That's a downside - that you chose to include that in this story - but if there's some reason behind it or if somehow ten year olds can actually manage a solo life of imminent danger and endless problems for some reason or another, then okay... It is a preference, but I think TEN is just...like...ridiculous. Ten year olds don't even make their own sandwiches. How can they expect to lead a solo life with nothing but their starter pokemon to aid them? I can only imagine that about 90% of ten year olds that start a pokemon journey would either die in the early days of travel, or return home after a few days, starved, exhausted and brimming with sadness. It's just not possible for a ten year old to deal with a journey. I mean, I'm eighteen and I can't imagine moving out, let alone starting on this journey with nobody else but a weak pokemon that cannot protect me, as well as having to find my own food, shelter, and just knowing things about the world... Dx Anyway, sorry for the rant.
I like ranting, no problem. Though I don’t think I specified Sai’s age or anything, I believe I just said that he looked young. Sai is older than ten and started late for reasons that’ll be explained later. But people frown upon changing canon in fanfiction, so… I had to find a way around it. Quite frankly, I completely agree that trainers starting at ten is ridiculous and I’m surprised the inevitable amount of high deaths due to lack of knowledge/insight is never taken into consideration. Then there’s also the idea that finding a middle-aged trainer or a trainer in their 20’s is, like… unacceptable. Really, now? I would think that’s the perfect age to go out traveling/training.

Thanks for reading and reviewing, it was much appreciated. I’ll be updating pretty quickly since other chapters are posted on other forums, not really sure how I forgot PE2K when I started.
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