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Old 06-15-2012, 03:25 PM
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Default Pokemon: Plaid Version (A Play in One-Act)

Every year at my school, we have something called the One-Acts where students write, direct, and act in one-act plays. I had the fortune to be both a director and a writer this year, and what I decided to write was a Pokemon spoof.

Note: I apologize for the formatting in advanced, copying and pasting from Celtx did not keep the indentations. If it's too painful to read, shoot me some suggestions on how to improve it.

Pokemon: Plaid Version

Scene One
Spoiler:

Lights open up on a mostly bare stage with perhaps a few bushes or grass scattered about. The Pokemon Theme Song is playing. After the initial burst of music, a boy enters. He is dressed in a baseball cap, a vest, jeans, and fingerless gloves and has a stuffed Pikachu with him. He begins singing, poorly, drowning out the music.

AL GETSUM (singing off-key):
I want to be the very best! Like no one ever was!

(forgets the lyrics and mumbles briefly before remembering them)

Cause! I will travel...

(mumbles some more)

Searching far and wide!

(mumbles more, pauses, tries to get back on track again, but fails. Pauses again.)

Ah, screw it!

Music ends. Al sits down on the edge of the stage and pulls Chikapu to his side.

AL GETSUM:
Wow Chikapu, we sure have walked a lot! I think I might be getting blisters on my thumbs!

(Looks down to examine hands.)

CHIKAPU:
(Turns to an opening in the curtain)

Chikapu! Chikapu!

AL GETSUM:
What are you going on about?

CHIKAPU:
Pu! Chikapu!

AL GETSUM:
A wild Pokemon? Don't be stupid, we aren't in any tall grass, nothing can hurt us!

The curtains begin rustling.

AL GETSUM:
Right?

The curtains rustle more.

AL GETSUM:
(Pulls Chikapu to him, panic is in his voice.)

Right?

The curtains part and something begins to emerge.

AL GETSUM (Shrieking):
Save me Chikapu!

(Throws Chikapu at the figure which turns out to be Mimi and Block)

MIMI:
(Catches Chikapu)

It's us, chowder head.

AL GETSUM:
Oh! Hey Block!

(Noticeably less enthusiastic.)

Hi Mimi.

BLOCK:
Hey Al, sorry about not keeping up, I was busy-

MIMI (Cutting him off):
He was busy hitting on every girl we saw.

BLOCK:
Exactly what I was going to say.

(Proud of himself)

Twenty-seven counting the police officer.

AL GETSUM:
Nice!

(High-fives Block.)

MIMI:
You guys are pigs.

AL GETSUM:
Hey, everyone has something that makes them happy. Block has women-

BLOCK:
I do enjoy the ladies.

AL GETSUM:
And Mimi, you have acting like a raging bi-butterfree all the time.

Mimi punches Al in the stomach, he falls to the ground, but gets back up quickly.

AL GETSUM (Nonplussed):
But I have two things that make me happy.

(Holds up one finger.)

Badges-

MIMI:
And friendship?

BLOCK:
And females?

CHIKAPU:
Chikapu?

AL GETSUM:
(Extends another finger.)

And more badges.

MIMI:
That's so shallow, Al!

AL GETSUM:
Huh, why?

MIMI:
What about your friends?

AL GETSUM:
What about them?

MIMI:
I don't believe this.

AL GETSUM:
Look Mimi, are friends going to help me be a Pokemon Master? No. You know what will help?

CHIKAPU:
Chika!

AL GETSUM (stressing each word):
No. More. Badges.

MIMI:
So, I guess we don't mean anything to you then.

AL GETSUM:
Not at all, Chikapu's helped me win lots of battles, Block's a great role model and mentor, and you're...uh...yeah. But if I have to choose between being

(holds out one hand, palm up.)

Al Getsum, good friend or being

(holds out out his other hand palm up; weighing the situation.)

Al Getsum, Pokemon Master, I wonder what I'll choose.

MIMI:
You're a terrible person! Block, tell Al he's being a jerk!

Block is focused on the ladies in the audience, either making the call-me gesture from up on stage or actually interacting with a female or two in their seats. Either way, he ignores Mimi.

MIMI:
Block!

BLOCK (snapped out of his daze):
Huh?

MIMI:
Tell Al he's being a jerk!

Block starts to say something, but Al interrupts him.

AL GETSUM (Starting towards Mimi):
At least I don't go around punching my so-called friends!

MIMI (Starting towards Al):
I only do it when you guys deserve it!

AL GETSUM:
Oh yeah? Like when?

MIMI (Starting to raise her fist):
Like right now!

BLOCK:
(Pushes them apart and steps between them.)

Everyone calm down, I know what the problem is.

AL GETSUM/MIMI:
What?

BLOCK (Solemnly):
"Sexual Tension."

AL GETSUM:
Is that some new kind of Pokemon?

BLOCK(Still solemn):
Nope.

MIMI:
What is it Block?

BLOCK:
Sexual tension is when two people like one other, but since neither one wants to admit it, they both act like they hate each other.

AL GETSUM:
Wait, when you say like...

BLOCK:
Oh, I do mean "like" like.

Noises of disgust from Al and Mimi.

MIMI:
That's gross! I mean, Al's an okay guy, I mean, I like him, but I don't "like" like him!

AL GETSUM:
Yeah, I don't even normal like her!

MIMI (Obviously hurt):
How could you say that?

BLOCK (Whispering to Chikapu):
Classic symptoms.

CHIKAPU:
Chikapu...

Al's phone begins to ring. He takes it out and looks at it.

AL GETSUM:
Hey! It's a message from Professor Pine!

(Reading off his phone.)
"Hope I'm not breaking up any outbursts of puberty, but I've just developed a fantastic new invention that you simply must see!"

MIMI:
Sounds interesting enough.

BLOCK:
Professor Pine has a granddaughter, right?

AL GETSUM:
Then it's settled!

(Grabs Chikapu.)

Let's go!

The group walks off stage, just as two people, a boy and girl dressed in matching uniforms with a large A on the front, enter. With them is a stuffed Bulbasaur with a tiny top hat and monocle.

DEBBIE:
Man, I bet they were this close to fighting or making-out or something.

COOPER:
You know, I'm really hoping that everything works out for them.

DEBBIE:
Come on, we've been following these twerps for months. They've got more drama then a soap opera.

COOPER:
Yeah, I can't wait to see where this twist leads them.

SULBABAUR (In a lofty, upper-class, English accent):
Ahem, don't you believe, chaps, that we should focus on the primary issue at hand?

COOPER:
What issue is that?

DEBBIE (Raising her hand and jumping):
Ooh! I know! Pick me!

SULBABAUR(Exasperated):
Yes, Debbie?

DEBBIE (Reciting):
Team Airplane's goal is to spread, uh, chaos and cause, um, mischief!

SULBABAUR (Sarcastic):
Very good, remind me to give you a gold star later.

COOPER:
Give me a question Sulbabaur!

SULBABAUR:
(Sighs)

Very well then. Cooper, what action can we take to create some mischief?

COOPER:
Uh, we could, um...

SULBABAUR:
We should-

COOPER:
No wait, I've got this! We could...dig a hole in the middle of the road!

DEBBIE:
I'll grab the shovels!

SULBABAUR:
No you insufferable dullards!

(Takes a moment to compose himself.)

We should follow the brats to Professor Pine's lab where we can steal his invention.

COOPER:
And that Chikapu too!

SULBABAUR:
Why would we do that?

DEBBIE:
Well, the boss's daughter has a birthday coming up...

SULBABAUR:
Every kid has a Pokemon phase. Fine, we'll take the Chikapu as well. Onwards!

They exit and the stage fades to black.

Scene Two
Spoiler:
When the lights come back on, the scene is now a laboratory with several tables, machines, and/or other "sciencey" set pieces. A man in a lab coat is examining instruments and machines. Al and his friends enter.

AL GETSUM:
Hey Professor Pine!

PROFESSOR PINE:
Oh! Hello Al, Mimi, Block.

MIMI:
What new invention do you have to show us?

PROFESSOR PINE:
I'm glad you asked!

(Grabs a cardboard box off of a table.)

I've developed a device that moves the story forward! I call it: The Pokeplot Device!

Silence

AL GETSUM:
It looks like just an ordinary cardboard box.

PROFESSOR PINE:
Don't be daft! Some of the greatest inventions ever were made out of cardboard!

BLOCK:
But how do you know if it works?

PROFESSOR PINE:
Why did you come to see me?

BLOCK:
Well, to see your grand-

MIMI:
(Elbows him.)

Invention, of course.

PROFESSOR PINE:
See? It works!

Everyone huddles around the invention to examine it when suddenly Team Airplane enters dramatically.

DEBBIE:
Prepare for-

PROFESSOR PINE:
Egads! Who are they?

MIMI:
Oh, that's just Team Airplane. They're just a bunch of losers who are always following us.

DEBBIE:
Hey!

AL GETSUM:
(Ignores Debbie.)

Yeah, they're always trying to spread chaos, but they can't do anything right.

COOPER:
Hey!

SULBABAUR:
Look, can we just complete our motto and then get on with initiating our sinister plan?

PROFESSOR PINE:
Oh, I'm terribly sorry, please continue.

DEBBIE:
Thank you. Now where was I? Oh yeah! Ahem. Prepare for defeat!

COOPER:
From twenty-thousand feet!

DEBBIE:
To make the fabric of the world unravel!

COOPER:
To make people hate airline travel!

DEBBIE:
To point out the wrong in what is right!

COOPER:
To charge outrageous prices for snacks in-flight!

DEBBIE:
(Poses.)

Debbie!

COOPER:
(Poses.)

Cooper!

DEBBIE/COOPER:
Team Airplane takes off after a two-hour delay! If you want any legroom, we'll up the pay!

SULBABAUR:
Sulbabaur, I do say.

Team Airplane is locked in their poses. No one speaks. Al, Chikapu, Mimi, Block, and Professor Pine all exchange uneasy glances.

PROFESSOR PINE:
Are they done?

MIMI:
I think so.

AL GETSUM:
Alright.

(Raises his voice.)

What evil stuff are you guys up to?

COOPER:
We're here to take the Professor's invention!

PROFESSOR PINE:
Gadzooks! It worked again!

DEBBIE:
And your Chikapu too!

AL GETSUM:
Ha, that'll only happen over my unconscious body.

SULBABAUR:
Precisely!

The person holding Sulbabaur reaches into their pocket and pulls out a handful of cotton balls and throws them at Al and his friends.

PROFESSOR PINE:
(Yawns.)

Oh my!

AL GETSUM:
It's Sulbabaur's-

(Yawns.)

Sleep Spore!

CHIKAPU:
Chika-

(Yawns.)

Pu!

All of the good guys, save Block, slump to the ground, asleep. Block is crawling towards Debbie.

BLOCK:
Wait!

(Yawns.)

Debbie!

(Yawns.)

Debbie starts towards him, but Sulbabaur steps in front of her, holding one last cotton ball.

BLOCK:
I don't have your-

Sulbabaur hits Block square in the forehead with the cotton ball.

BLOCK:
Number...

(Falls asleep.)

DEBBIE:
Sulbabaur! Why did you do that?

SULBABAUR:
Because we haven't the time. Go! Seize the invention! Cooper do you have the Chikapu?

Debbie goes to accomplish her task. Cooper is trying to pull Chikapu away from Al who is latched onto his Pokemon and making a soft "Nuuuuu" noise.

COOPER:
Almost-

(Grunts.)

Got it!

Cooper continues to struggle with Al. Debbie returns to Sulbabaur with the Pokeplot Device, just as Cooper wrests Chikapu away from Al.

SULBABAUR:
Excellent!

COOPER:
Let's make like a tree-

DEBBIE:
And get the leaf out of here!

Team Airplane leaves. A few moments pass and then Al opens his eyes and sits up, and stretches before scratching himself. He looks around, groggy, then looks at Mimi, Block, and Professor Pine.

AL GETSUM:
(Yawns, only to pause.)

Oh no! Chikapu! Chikapu!

His scream wakes everyone else up, and they sit up, sluggish.

MIMI (Rubbing her eyes):
Hey, Al, shut up.

BLOCK:
Yeah, I was having the best dream.

(Smiles vacantly.)

Judging the bikini mud-wrestling world championships.

AL GETSUM (Now on his feet):
But guys! Team Airplane has Chikapu!

Mimi and Block quickly rise to their feet. Behind them, Professor Pine gets up with less haste.

MIMI:
Oh no!

BLOCK:
What?

PROFESSOR PINE:
My invention was also stolen!

AL GETSUM:
(Turns to Professor Pine.)

Who the hell cares? Chikapu is a living, breathing creature and my best friend, and all you care about is a stupid chunk of cardboard!

BLOCK:
Well, Al, looks like you learned a valuable lesson about friendship. You see-

AL GETSUM (Deadpan):
If you lecture me Block, I will cut you.

PROFESSOR PINE:
Yes, yes, Al learning a lesson is very good, but you have to get the Pokeplot Device back!

MIMI:
Why? What's so important about it?

PROFESSOR PINE:
In the wrong hands, the power to control the flow of the story could be disastrous!

MIMI:
Why would you invent something so dangerous?

PROFESSOR PINE:
I'm a senile old man! I give killer monsters to ten-year-old children for crying out loud!

(Calms down.)

But you have to get it back from Team Airplane.

AL GETSUM:
And Chikapu too.

BLOCK:
But how will we find them?

MIMI:
Well, we could follow that trail of cotton balls they left behind.

Beat

AL GETSUM:
Yeah, let's go!

Al, Mimi, and Block head offstage, following the path of Team Airplane. The lights go out as Professor Pine starts picking up the cotton balls around his lab.

Scene Three
Spoiler:
The lights go up, and the scene is now a cave with some rocks, stalagmites, stalactites, or such, as well as a trail of cotton balls leading offstage. A single folding table is set up with Debbie and Cooper sitting in folding chairs at it, holding several Pokemon cards with a pile in the middle. Sulbabaur is in front of the table examining the Pokeplot device. Chikapu is on the far side of the table from the cotton balls, tied up.

COOPER (Bored):
Do you have any Charizards?

DEBBIE:
Go fish.

Cooper takes a card and shuffles through his hand.

COOPER (To Sulbabaur):
Have you figured out that invention yet?

SULBABAUR:
I can't make heads or tails of this infernal contraption! There's no power source, no read-out, for all intents and purposes it is simply a cardboard box!

DEBBIE:
I bet I can make it work.

Debbie reaches for the invention and snatches it from Sulbabaur. She begins smacking it with the flat of her hand.

SULBABAUR:
Augh! Quit that this instant!

Debbie pauses, and then whacks the box again. Instantly, Al, Mimi, and Block charge in from the cotton ball side of the stage.

AL GETSUM:
Hey! Let Chikapu Go!

Team Airplane sees them, then look at the Pokeplot Device, then at the intruders, then back to the box.

SULBABAUR:
Huh.

(Pauses.)

I meant, just try and stop our diabolical plan!

BLOCK:
And what would that be?

COOPER:
We, uh, haven't figured that out yet-

DEBBIE:
But once we do, you'll be sorry! Do that Sleep Spore thing again, Sulbabaur!

Al, Mimi, and Block close their eyes and look away as soon as Sulbabaur reaches into his pocket, but stop cringing a few seconds later as Sulbabaur fails to find any cotton balls in any of his pockets.

SULBABAUR:
Well, this is embarrassing.

(Turns to Debbie and Cooper.)

Get them!

Debbie and Cooper exchange an uneasy glance then start at the Al, Mimi, and Block. Mimi throws a punch at Debbie, who catches it and tries to retaliate with a punch of her own, only for Mimi to catch it. The two girls engage in a struggle of strength while, behind them, Cooper and Block are slapping at one another's hands like sissies. Seeing an opportunity, Al jumps between the two fights and crawls under the table to get to Chikapu.

SULBABAUR (Seeing Al):
No!

Al reaches Chikapu and pulls off the ropes and gag.

AL GETSUM:
Oh Chikapu!

CHIKAPU:
Chika!

Everyone stops fighting as Al gets to his feet with Chikapu.

SULBABAUR:
Oh no!

COOPER:
Oh no!

DEBBIE:
Oh no!

AL GETSUM:
Oh yes! Chikapu use your "Flashing Red and Blue Lights of Death" attack!

CHIKAPU:
Chiiii. Kaaaa-

BLOCK:
Al! Wait!

AL GETSUM (Annoyed):
What?

BLOCK:
(Gestures to the audience.)

We can't risk it with all of these lovely women here!

Beat.

AL GETSUM:
Fine. Chikapu use your "Less Frequent Flashing Red and Blue Lights of Death" attack!

CHIKAPU:
Now hold on just a minute.

Everyone gasps.

AL GETSUM:
You can talk?

CHIKAPU:
Of course I can talk, I just think it's demeaning to my culture to say anything other than variations of my name.

MIMI:
But then why start talking now?

CHIKAPU:
Because you guys all just need someone to set you straight.

Chikapu then walks up to each character as he addresses them, placing a hand on their shoulder while he talks.

CHIKAPU:
Sulbabaur, you're commanding attitude and British accent are just attempts to run away from your past, much like your abandonment of your people's language. Cooper, you're following Sulbabaur because you don't have the confidence to stand up for yourself and take risks. Debbie, you fell in with this gang just because you wanted to rebel against daddy while you were in college. Maybe it's time to reconcile with your family. Block, you're womanizing behavior stems from your being raised by a single father and attending an all-male boarding school. You need to really connect with a single woman so you can learn to accept the other gender as equals instead of just objects.

(Looks at Debbie and winks at Block.)

You might not have to look very far and wide to find that special someone. Mimi, Al, you guys "like" like each other. The only people who can't see it are you two. So just try holding hands or making out or whatever and save us six seasons, I mean years, of waiting for the inevitable.

SULBABAUR (Now using a Cockney accent):
Blimey, gov'na! You 'it the nail right on the 'ead for allovus! I mean, Sulbabaur.

Everyone shuffles about uncomfortably except for Sulbabaur and Chikapu.

CHIKAPU:
What's the matter? I just solved everyone's problems in a minute!

AL GETSUM (To the other humans):
So, who else is in favor of pretending that never happened?

Everyone tentatively raises their hands one after another.

CHIKAPU:
What? But I just helped all of you!

AL GETSUM:
(Glances over at Chikapu.)

And all in favor of pretending the only thing that Chikapu says is just his own name?

Everyone raises their hands again.

AL GETSUM:
Alright, well, we're just going to take Chikapu and the invention and go.

Mimi grabs the Pokeplot device, while Al grabs Chikapu.

CHIKAPU:
What are you doing? Hey! Listen to me!

AL GETSUM (Very obviously not paying attention):
Haha, you can say that again buddy.

COOPER:
So, uh, see you guys later.

MIMI:
Yeah...

There's several awkward moments before Al and Mimi walk off stage in the direction they came from while Cooper and Sulbabaur go the other way. Block starts to follow his friends.

DEBBIE:
Block wait!

Debbie catches up to him and grabs his arm, then his hand and giving him a small piece of paper.

BLOCK:
Um, thanks, what is it?

DEBBIE:
My number.

Debbie gives him a grin and wink before running after Cooper and Sulbabaur. Block looks down at the paper, looks up, pumps his fist, and then follows his friends off-stage.


The play actually did get chosen and was performed on the night of May 22nd, and luckily it was filmed too, so you can watch it be performed here.
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"You see, in life, the road to darkness is a journey, not a light switch."

paired with the marvelous Eternal Moonlight, creator of the above
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