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Old 08-26-2012, 04:04 AM
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Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Okay, I'm REALLY sorry this is so late, but here is the review for the most recent two chapters!

Even the houndoom? o: If she’s calling him “Houndoom” I think it should be capitalized.

XDDDDDDDDDDD For some reason I found that very amusing.

I love that image!


I really like the imagery of this!



Used sudden twice. O:
.o.0.O.0.o. THAT'S OKAY. I don't mind. As long as I get it eventually. XDDDD BUT WOOO!

YES. Meant to be "the houndoom." SILLY ME!

XDDDDDD Glad you did!


And yay for liking imagery! 8D Thank you! c: And stupid sudden. >:c I changed it to "He was not expecting a sudden head to emerge from underneath him, feeling an instant pain as it rammed into him, accompanied by rocks and dirt." (XD I got rid of the under the ground thing because shortly after it said "underneath him.") BUT THANKS FOR CATCHING THOSE TYPOS!

Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Chapter 27:

He had seen?

Unwilling to

Whole. Lotta. Pain.

Used 'whatever it was' twice.

Confusing. XD

Oh. xD


O: Oh wow. XD That is derp as. I changed the second one to just "it."

XDDDDDDD Oops! I'll get rid of "gotten a" so it's just "Zhol ruined her foot." XD

Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I really love how you described Dusty's thoughts about walking through the cave, such as how she was worried that she could fall into tunnels built by ground types and how that thought only occurred to her then and wasn't something she would have considered before. It really shows how foreign this type of area is for Dusty, and it's really neat to imagine. I really loved the description of the huge cave room with the ledges and the tunnels. I could just picture how massive it was, and how astonishing it would seem to Dusty who was a complete stranger to being underground, let alone being in a place like that! I loved the way you described it as well, and it was awesome to picture it! I was kind of surprised when they didn't enter it and instead chose a different way, but that did make sense considering that it seemed like it could be really dangerous. I agree with Dusty that the big room was awesome, though!

I really like this part, and I can really picture just how amazing it would be to see such a huge one. I also wonder if any trainers pass through that cave. If they do, it doesn't seem like they do often.

Also, I'm really wondering what happened with Zaion and Azure now. o: It's also nice to see Dusty almost/sort of (XD) getting along with Azure. I wonder if they'll ever fully get along...I'm really not sure. XD
OO: You did? XD That's awesome! 8D And yeah, definitely. I mean, I thought about how it's not something one would generally think about unless they had been put in the situation. And yeah, definitely! O: Oh really? XD That's cool! And yeah, wrong way. xD YES, I mean, she didn't even know places like that existed in the first place! Yeah! 8D

Thanks! Yeah! As for trainers, yeah, I kinda wonder too. XD I doubt they would though; a lot of land around these parts are considered dangerous so humans don't often enter.

O: Yeah! I'm glad you're curious! And hahah, yep. xDD And OOO: You'll have to find out! xD

Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
It's annoying that Tarla knew the path her companions were taking was the wrong one, but they refused to listen to her. DX I liked how you described her mixed thoughts about approaching the mountain, and how it held good memories for her as well as bad. I thought that was a nice detail to include. And it's REALLY annoying that they didn't listen to her when trying to break the rock; I had a feeling something bad was going to happen if they did it...

I really loved the whole rock pokemon/diglett ambush! It was really suspenseful and I loved how not only were there so many of them, that together they were all very strong, and fighting them off was not only difficult, but pretty much impossible. I was impressed (in a way; I know it's not a good thing they attacked XD) that they were able to bring Tarla down. That kinda surprised me, especially since it happened early-ish on.

I also really liked the scene with Etire and the rhyhorn, especially the part where they were headed straight toward Rentana when he had no real way to warn her of what was coming. It makes sense that she wouldn't see or hear the rhyhorn, since with all the pokemon around her, there would probably be a lot of noise as well as the distraction of trying to focus on her attackers at once, so it was easy to imagine why she would be oblivious to another oncoming attack at that moment. I can really imagine how alarmed he must have been as he tried to get the pokemon to stop, to no avail of course.
Ugh, I know, right? x__x I would have hated that so much in her position. Haha, I bet she considered it nearly worth it just for the told-you-so moment. XDDD She had a ball teasing Etire about it. (OMG MALES ARE SO DUMB!1!!1THREE!!) And yeah, certainly! O: XD I'm glad you like it! It's really awesome when little details like that are acknowledged. c: Yep... DX *GAPS* IMPENDING DOOM!

That's awesome! xD Glad you did! Oh yay! And yep, certainly. And if they weren't strong on their own (which they were anyway xD) then their numbers were their strength. And yeah, definitely. Defeating them with tactical means rather than brute force was entirely necessary; without Tarla's sing, I don't think they would have been able to overcome this. Dx (Funny thing is...once again, nothing in that battle was planned prior to it being written in that moment. I had no idea that I was going to have Tarla and her sing attack when I started the scene. XD It's funny because when that happens, it gives me a realistic scope on how they would have had to handle the battle--no prior preparation. /random. (XDDD I understand!) And yeah! o: I'm glad it was surprising. XD

That's good! And yeah, definitely. DX When going over that in editing, I was like, "Um...she has plenty of time to get out the way xD" but then, you know, tweaked it to make more sense. And yeah, definitely! And yeah. D:

Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
The part where Etire got crushed against the wall was really startling as well, and I certainly wasn't expecting that! It makes a lot of sense though, that in that situation, someone was going to get badly hurt. It would pretty much be a miracle if no one did.

I liked the idea of Tarla using sing - that was smart, and it was interesting to see it affect Rentana as well, since, I dunno, it seems like something people wouldn't usually think about when writing stories, but it makes a lot of sense. When she finally fell asleep I knew they were in big trouble, since now two of their teammates were unable to battle (I sound like some sort of Pokemon League announcer or something XD). And then the rhyhorn crashing into Tarla...that was really intense! This whole thing reminded me a bit of playing Mystery Dungeon and being ambushed by a ton of pokemon in the really high level dungeons when my team was lowish-leveled, weak, or not very prepared, and knowing things were looking pretty much hopeless, but worse. I always thought the monster houses in PMD would be REALLY scary in a story, and this is a bit like that, and it's definitely BIGLY threatening for the characters. When Tarla was trying to lift Etire and realized she'd hurt her wing...that was a big "uh, oh o.o" moment. The line "she couldn't even save herself" really emphasized this.

I was surprised when the rhyhorn leader told Tarla, "we know who you are". I wonder if she was talking about the altaria group or the colony? I'm not really sure, but I'd guess it was the former since they live closer, but either way, that's interesting and I really wonder if there's more to this attack than simply 'destroying territory', which I'm guessing there is.
OO: Oh really? XD Awesome, again! And yeah, pretty much. DX Yeah!

That's good. I wanted it to really seem like the only way they could have a chance of getting away. And thanks! And yeah, exactly. I realised that a lot of people probably wouldn't think about it either, which is reasonably silly, considering their ears are just as much subjected to it as the enemies' ears. Yeah! (XDDDDDDDDDDDD I thought that too!) Awesome! xD Ahaha, ooh, that's really cool that it reminded you of that. I certainly see how you would see that. And yeah, I mean, those situations are DEFINITELY freaky! DX I wanted this to be like that too. And yeah, that's true. I never really thought about that in the games--that it would be really frightening/intense in stories. I always loved the monster houses in PMD1 because I'm a really strong raichu, and using thunderbolt attacks every pokemon in the next square across from you, which is...what, eight pokemon? XD But YES! O: I'm really glad that emphasised it, as that was what I was going for!

Oh my gosh. Random typo! o.o The part where she says “Does territory now speak as well to us as it does to you?” is meant to say “Does territory not speak as well to you as it does to us?” XD Oops... Sorry about that. DX I can't believe I screwed that up so badly. x__x Well...if you read that bit again, does it make more sense? XDDD I'm surprised you didn't point that out because it's really confusing/nonsensical. Anyway. xD But yeah! You'll find that out next chapter. xD *GAPS*

Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I REALLY wasn't expecting the ground to collapse; that was really surprising and a sudden turn of events. I also loved the image of the rhyhorn flinging the geodude to safety. It was both amusing and nice to see because I like it when opposing pokemon show concern for members of their group, contrary to what villainbots would do. xD When they were all in the underground chamber beneath, I knew the rock pokemon would have taken less damage, and that the situation was even worse, even though at first it had almost seemed like the collapse would aid them by distracting the attacking pokemon or something, but of course it wasn't just them it affected.

I found it as strange as Dusty did that Zaion was acting strange, and I really wonder what his reasons are.

That's REALLY creepy. I mean, I've always imagined there was some way to sever the connection to a poke ball if a pokemon was stolen, but hearing her thinking about that and knowing that it happens was really interesting even though I had always thought similar things. Just the idea of it is creepy...forcefully severing the connection between a pokemon and its trainer.
XD Yay for unexpectingness! Yeah, certainly! O: Ahaha, really? XDD Yeah, I guess it is! And yep. xD These guys certainly aren't villainbots, as I'm sure you know! Ahah, yeah, exactly! I also really wanted to exemplify the fact that Tarla, a flying pokemon so used to using her wings as an easy escape, was completely unable to use her wings at all for this. I mean, a flying pokemon falling...well, that's not something they're used to, obviously. So the situation for her especially would have been horrifying.

Yeah. He was being a bit of a toof is all. XD

Yeah... o.o Definitely. I always thought there would be some official way to do it or something, and yeah...I guess that's it, or one way. Dx I always wanted to elaborate on things like that in stories... And yeah... BIGLY creepy! DDX

Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I'm really glad Dusty and the others stumbled across Tarla's group in the cavern! They certainly needed any sort of help they could get! Too bad Dusty's type certainly doesn't give her an advantage. DX I really liked the part where she was being carried off by the charging rhyhorn that nearly slammed into the wall. I was thinking about what happened to Etire and I'm glad she managed to get off/out of the way before she struck it!

I was really annoyed/angry at Zaion just standing there while the rest attempted to help. I completely understand Dusty's frustration at him and I really wonder what was going through his mind. The fact that more enemy pokemon were coming through was scary, though at least they had Splash on their side (though I doubt that would be enough help for so many pokemon). And Zaion heard her and still refused to move? What a toof. >:c I REALLY hope he has some explanation for this. Though whether it's a good one or not, I'm not sure.

I'm REALLY curious to see what happens now, and I really like how un-easy everything was in this battle. It really makes me think that any sort of outcome could come from this, and I'm excited to see what that outcome is. So good job! =D
Yeah, that was certainly good! xD And true! And yeah...neither does Zaion's. DX Yeah, haha, that happened to Etire and Tarla was also carried (not obviously not smashed into the wall) and yeah... We don't want that to happen to anyone else. Dx Yeah! O: And haha...all of this just makes me wonder what I'm gonna think of one thing in particular that happens in the next chapter... C:< ALSO OMG LOOK AT ALL THE TORTURING I'M DOING TO MY CHARACTERS. I AM SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON!11!1!!!FOUR!!!!!1

Yeah, he was being stupid. DX But really, it was just, like, a cliffhanger thing. XDD Hesitation and "oh crap...I have no advantage over these things... I need to come up with a tactic Dx" or something. XD (I don't think it's clear in the next chapter; he's just randomly fighting already. XDDD) But yeah, definitely. Yeah, definitely! (Yeah... DDDX) Yeah, silly houndoom. >:c

OOO: YAAAAAY! XD I'm BIGLY glad you like it! I know there wasn't any action for ages, so I'm happy that I can finally include long scenes like this that are full of things you don't expect. XDD MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Woo! Thank you bigly much! ^v^ I can't wait to post the next chapter now! XDD

Thank you so much for the bigly long review, as always. *0* I will certainly return the favour when the next PoD chapter comes out. c:<

Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.