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Old 04-07-2006, 04:12 AM
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Redlark Offline
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: In a rice bowl, full of curry beef.
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Thumbs up Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Like how S.Frost said. Yes I can review a non-pokemon story.

Story:
Now and Forever

Major Characters:
Conner, Kyle, Heather, Ash, May

Review:
After reading Now and Forever for the first time, I shuffled around the forums and did my “research.” Comparatively, this story is definitely a step up from Sceptile Frost’s previous works. Major characters are seemingly deeper in some ways, though the interaction between Ash and May was a bit laughable with the kissing. I’m guessing Sceptile’s a big May fan, perhaps? Maybe it’s my own personal bias, because I like Misty better than May.

Conner’s relationship between his father, Kyle, is very believable and from what little there is written of the story, makes me very curious on what may or may not happen between the two of them in the latter parts of the story. They both carry the strong love of father and son, but are beginning to become torn by the feelings of age. Conner is coming to an age where he wants to grow up and “experience” all the inner-workings of life. Kyle, has seen a whole lot of life, and in same feelings with his wife, and doesn’t want Conner to make the wrong decision that could jeopardize the rest of his career.

But what route Conner will really take is what makes me thirsty for more postings of Now and Forever.

An interesting quirk I found with this story was the unconnected scene with Ash. Knowing the anime series and Ash’s adventures, I’m curious on how their journey through the story will come through. How will Ash and Friends aid or conflict Conner? Overall, it’s a fun add-in of famous characters.

A lot of people on this site complain about length. I don’t. I personally believe the more you can say with less (without turning your story cliché or cheesy) is better. The only reason why people complain about length is the amount of content and effort that’s put into a story. If you have no content, you have no story. Luckily, Now and Forever is far from being considered “too short” or “lacking content.”

The situation between Heather and Conner is classic, and I love it to death. If not, Heather seems a bit soft with Conner, but retrospectively I have no problems and find the relationship sweet.

I’m a bit of a sap, so I want to see if Heather and Conner end up together. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. I also love tragedy. The set up explaining the situation was a bit to expository for my likings, but somehow Sceptile pulls it off.

Now, I’ve never been the biggest fan of “journey fics,” so when I come across a “journey fic” I always:

1. Sigh heavily when the Professor asks the new trainer to choose one out of three pokemon.
2. Surprised when: “Oh no, I’m out of pokemon, here’s my secret one.” Lo and behold, it’s a Pikachu!
3. Realize there’s a rival by the name of Gary.

I don’t know where I’ve seen this beginning sequence before, but if fanfic writers begin writing like this in the name of creativity, I’ll throw myself in the river screaming the Declaration of Independence.

BUT!!! When I read Now and Forever, I was pleased/relieved to see and learn that this Journey Fic doesn’t parallel the anime in the beginning. Also, what happens at the end of what’s written really was a neat twist in the story. I’m eager to read more. Keep writing Sceptile Frost, you’ve got some talent and a good story going. Keep it up dude! ;-)

Rating:7.5
I’m a tough rater, so don’t think a 7.5 is bad. It’s very good.

The following tail piece of this review are technical notes that most readers don’t enjoy reading. If you want to skip this part, I totally understand. My rants are exactly that… rants.

Technical (Punctuation/Grammar) Notes:
Pre P.S. There’s a lot written, but really it’s not that much. It’s just a recap of some very minor spelling stuff and a very minor fact note.

I’ll try to push the technical crap out of the way as quick as I can. A few spelling mistakes: almost every single time you try to spell, “thought,” it comes out as “though.” I think the problem is that you’re using a PC with Word or Works. Word and Works has the automatic spell check (which I find annoying as crap, because minor problems come out like ALL the time when I try to type up a word, but find myself misspelling it, but then it comes out as something completely different. Or an imaginary word. I hope this made sense.) Other than that, there’s just a couple small mistakes. I think you just need to print it out and look over it once or twice in a hard copy format with a friend. Not saying it’s the most fun thing in the world to edit, but you know what I mean. If anything, just read it over. ;-)

Dialogue, for some reason or the other, seems a bit shaky in a couple sections, but well done overall. Very good dialogue hard and very different from prose, but just as powerful (if not more powerful in certain situations). I’m not telling you to change anything, because it works how it is right now, but don’t get carried away with too much. You’re doing a good job with though.

(If you do not want a history lesson, you’re free to skip over the following paragraph.)
This is a VERY minor detail. There’s nobility in almost all societies around the world, even Africa to an extent. Look up pre-European Imperial Colonies, Kongo Kingdom, Ethiopia, Gambia, Zulu, etc. Nobility and noble rights come from the older feudal systems that were in place for hundreds of years and such. The upper class that governed the people and had control over the local government and parts of the military. “You pay me taxes, I protect you from jerks that want to invade us.” The power of the noble system in Europe had its major downfall in the 16-1700’s with the advent of Absolutism. Then a small comback in the 1800’s with “smart” nobles taking advantage of the Industrial revolution and using the money they had left to good use. Japan does have nobility, of course they’re nowhere near as powerful as they were before the Meiji Dynasty/ Industrial Revolution of the 1800’s, but they’re still sort of there. Similar to what happened in Europe; either the nobility was smart and maintained their power by using the money they already had to good use, joined the mafia underground, or either that slowly lost their power. Now culturally, the nobility is very different from European nobility. Japan tends to be closer linked with the Samurai Chivalry, Etc. My basis of knowing this is that I’m half Japanese with a lot of noble crap in my blood, and I’ve done research with my parents etc. blah, blah, blah……

But yes, you are correct. The traditions of nobility is very different with England, making them Very different from the rest of the world.
(I’m sorry for ranting on that, but there’s background information that supports all these claims.)

ANYWAY!!! If you somebody’s made it to this point of my review, you really have some balls. Now take a break from my crap and make a sandwich or something.

Last edited by Redlark; 04-12-2006 at 04:05 AM.
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