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Old 02-04-2007, 01:10 AM
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FireflyK Offline
Five by Five
Join Date: Dec 2006
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Default Re: A day at sea

Introduction: For such a short story, the introduction is more than sufficient. We learn your characterís name, age, and personality, and also a bit about his family. This was good.

Plot: While the plot is to catch a Pokemon, there are a few little twists- Such as the boy not wanting to be dragged along fishing with his father, and not wanting to try to catch a Magikarp. These make the story interesting, and while itís still a bit basic, itís a more realistic plot than some of the ones I usually see here. Itís also more than sophisticated enough for a Pokemon like Magikarp.

Grammar: Your grammar is fairly good, with no errors that stand out immediately. There were a few inconsistencies, like Pokemon names sometimes being capitalized, and sometimes not being capitalized, but thatís fine. Just re-read your next story quickly after itís written to try to catch those.

Detail: For a Magikarp, this was more than enough. In fact, for another Pokemon, this would have been a great model of a start. You gave details of the attacks in the battle, and even some of the environment. Good job.

Battle: Though Magikarp are pretty useless, you made the battle very interesting. The details were good.

Magikarp Captured! Good job, and have fun with the floppy fish.
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