Thread: Ocean of Chac
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Old 02-17-2007, 07:38 AM
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Default Re: Inferno Island

Storyline:
Inferno Island. Interesting idea for wild fire Pokemon.

Detail:
There weren’t a lot of specific details in the overall story. It was okay, but I think you could have done better. Especially in the battle, that’s where it hurt the most.

Grammar:

Quote:
I made a mental note to thank him
Quote:
This one was the same, except it had a river of lava flowing around the outside, and it was much hotter.
Hotter isn’t really a word. Use “More hot” or “warmer”.
Quote:
The front part of its read face
read=red
Quote:
“Blaine, he said once the door was closed. How good of you to come.
Missed quotations.
Quote:
“Well, he is here,” said Blaine.
Well is an introductory phrase here, you need a comma after it.
Quote:
Anyunkoko got up bruised a battered.
a=and

Battle:
The battle was a little short. Details would have really helped out in describing it and the surroundings. Houndour’s battle was too short; there weren’t enough attacks against it.

Reality:
Blaine talks in riddles a lot, maybe you should have incorporated that. Just a suggestion.

Tips:
More description of the surroundings and attacks. The battle for the Pokemon needs to be longer too. Add on a nice battle against Houndour.

Outcome- Houndour Not Captured!

~Jack~
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