Thread: Psydkick
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Old 03-28-2007, 03:55 PM
Strawberry Maelstrom's Avatar
Strawberry Maelstrom Offline
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Join Date: Jan 2007
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Default Re: Psydkick

I'll grade this Psyduck story as my first official grade.


Plot: This plot was great. It was a tad dull at first, I’m not a big fan of trades at the beginning of stories. But once the trade was completed, the plot was excellent. It had a bit of humor with Andrew’s slightly-rude attitude.

Originally Posted by you
The thrilled dog took the opportunity to slather his owner with slobber. Andrew was writhing to free himself from his salivating friend, when his mother called from the back window.

“When you two are done making out, it’s time to come in for dinner!”
This was my personal favorite part of the story. It made me laugh. Then, it started to get better with the battle against Psyduck. I’d say you almost aced this part.

Grammar: I only noticed a few missing commas after words like Thankfully. Also, I’m not sure if you meant to use the word Destroyance or not. Besides this, not too much wrong with the grammar.

Detail: There was a lot of detail in your story. I liked how you described the emotions of Psyduck in the second-to-last paragraph especially. However, I do feel like you could add more detail about terrain. This is probably the only thing I felt this story lacked: A mental image of terrain.

Length: 14,500+ characters, according to the Big List of URPG Pokemon, that is smack dab in the middle of the 10,000-20,000 character range required for this duck. Great job here.

Battle: This battle was great, however I felt that it could be better. I’m thinking Psyduck using his Psychic powers would be the right kind of “spice” for this battle. Remember, three clean hits to the head and Psyduck’s hidden potential awakens. Keep that in mind if you use Psyduck in your next story.

Success: No doubt about it, you did wonderful. Only a few grammar errors and a somewhat-dull battle took points off your story. There were only a couple areas that I felt could be better.

Psyduck Captured! Congratulations, just remember to add a bit more detail on location and lengthen the battle a little next time.

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Last edited by Strawberry Maelstrom; 03-28-2007 at 04:14 PM.
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