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Old 03-29-2007, 05:25 AM
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Default Re: La Puppeteer [PG-13]

Wow, you are another little story machine, aren't ya? I think we should start calling you Firefly Jr. ;P

Story/Plot: I'm a big fan of "back in time" plots. I've written one myself. :) And I really like stories that are original and unique; "Goes into forest and finds Pokemon" stories get really old really fast. This was a very nice small mystery-type plot and I really enjoyed it. I think it's cool how you included some French in it too. Also, is there any symbolism going on with the Puppeteer catching a Shuppet? XD

Grammar/Spelling: This was pretty good. I think it would be helpful for you to check the story through Word as there were quite a few misspellings (seamed should be seemed, pacients should be patience, etc.). I'm also not very fond of the whole center alignment thing. It makes it hard to tell where the paragraphs begin and end.
"Houndour, be on guard, maintenant." Rousseau said intensely now becoming a little bit frightened of the dark figure from before.
Because the following sentence cannot stand on its own, you need to connect it with the dialogue by changing the period to a comma.

"Houndour, be on guard, maintenant," Rousseau said intensely, now becoming a little bit frightened of the dark figure from before.

The only other problem I noticed was that you never capitalized the attacks. The moves should always be capitalized; Flamethrower and Faint Attack.

You could have used a bit more of it, especially when describing the theater, but you supplied plenty for a mon in the Complex category. For me, detail is the most important part in stories, so I always try to cram them with as much as I can.

Battle: A little short, and a little hard to follow. Try adding in some more details and making it more two-sided. I only recall Shuppet using one attack. :( The battle can make or break a capture, so make sure you put lots of effort into it.

Outcome: Overall this was a cute story. Shuppet captured! Keep up the nice work, and enjoy your new ghost. Don't lose it. :P
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