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Old 03-29-2007, 07:29 PM
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Strawberry Maelstrom Offline
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Join Date: Jan 2007
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Default Re: Rousseau's Ekans {A Ben story}

You may be a story-writing machine Fire, but I resolved to be a story grading machine. :P Expect the grade shortly.

Plot: *sobs* The plot was poetic. You described the story from a strange point-of-view, that of a Pokemon. I enjoyed reading what the Pokemon thought a Pokeball was for. I almost broke down in tears reading when the Ekans gave up. I doubt I'll be able to write a story using a Pokeball capture for a while without crying.

Grammar: Not too much wrong here. The only thing really wrong was "replacable." Despite popular relief, it is spelled "replaceable." Nice job on the grammar.

Detail: The detail was enough to give me a vibrant picture of what was going on. I could see the purple snake slithering towards the unsuspecting Caterpie. I could see the Caterpie latched onto the snake. I could feel the nothingness that Ekans felt, trapped inside the Pokeball. I didn't even have to close my eyes after each paragraph to develop a mental image. Nice work here as well.

Length: Indeed, 5.5k. You barely broke the 5k minimum. You did okay here.

Battle: Although it was a bit short, you did an excellent job describing the string shot and the poison burning the web. I liked how you found a way to give the underdog the victory. Normally, String Shot would be used to bind the opponent so that they could be hit with a highly inaccurate attack. You found a way to transform the attack into a way to make capturing the Pokemon easier. Nice work.

Success: I felt the story deep down in my heart. You did a wonderful job describing and checking for grammar mistakes. Your length broke the minimum.

Ekans Captured! Congratulations on another job well done Firefly.

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Last edited by Strawberry Maelstrom; 03-29-2007 at 07:48 PM.
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