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Old 03-29-2007, 10:34 PM
Strawberry Maelstrom's Avatar
Strawberry Maelstrom Offline
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Default Re: Freedom- Del's story {PG13!}

I told you I'd get to this when I finished reffing.

Plot:

Grammar: You made a few spelling mistakes. Empathetically is the correct way to spell the word and expirience is supposed to experience. Also, scent-following should be broken into two words while reddishbrown should be reddish-brown. Nothing else wrong here as far as I can see.

Detail: Once again, no complaints here. I vividly imagined the whole story. From Sable's menacing look, to Del ripping the fur off of Mareep. I don't see any reason you shouldn't get full points for this.

Length: 18,000+ Characters is enough for Murkrow and Mareep. Nothing wrong here.

Battle: One battle was between two Pokemon, the other was between a human and a Pokemon. Both were a tad short, but I guess combined they might be beleivable.

Success: The only thing I wish could've been better was the battle. Though, Farfetch'd did use Swords Dance a lot and a toolbox might've been able to take out a Mareep.

Murkrow and Mareep Captured! Congratulations on the double-capture. Just try and lengthen the battles a bit for your next story.
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