View Single Post
  #13  
Old 03-30-2007, 03:22 PM
Strawberry Maelstrom's Avatar
Strawberry Maelstrom Offline
Master Trainer
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 436
Send a message via AIM to Strawberry Maelstrom
Default Re: Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

Okay as requested, a re-grade. Btw, Quality>>>Quanity Though having a long enough story helps, especially if you haven't won any awards for best graphic novel.

Plot: Hmm...it was somewhat improved. However, I felt it could use some more touching up. It still could use that Plot Twist.

Grammar: A couple of mistakes. "Metang you evolved just for me!" I shouted happily, as I ran over to hug him. The missing detail is in bold. Body-slamming is supposed to be two words. Nothing seriously wrong here.

Detail: You did a decent(ish) job of describing various colors and shapes and characteristics. However, every story could use a little more detail. There are only a few excuses for leaving out detail.

Length: 15,000+ characters. You came up 5,000 characters short. Thankfully, I'm not too strict about length, so I'm going to let it slide.

Battle: It was longer, though it still could use some touching up. With a little more detail, you could've done a lot, and I mean A LOT of damage there. Your battling on top of Mt. Chimney right? Well since Mt. Chimney is a volcano, the heat and smoke is constantly pouring out. That would add a new layer to the battle.

Success: Hmm...it was improved from last time. I guess its good enough.

Staryu Captured! Be aware, this was a borderline capture, try harder next time.
__________________



Diamond Friend Code
------------------------
Sean
1933-7453-8426
Reply With Quote