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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 06-02-2007, 09:17 PM
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Default Platinum: Sacred Flames

This story will (hopefully!) be a continuing one that I can get a few Pokemon from. I do have some ideas for it, it's just the question of whether I can get them written. I'm posting what I have of this first capture to get myself motivated to write more. Believe me, it helps me to get working on it.

The story will be staged not in the Pokemon world, as many are, but rather in our world, or one very similar to it. Now that that's cleared up, I'll let you read on.


Platinum: Sacred Flames

Capture I: Horsea

Chapter One- The New Game

“Jeez, this is so stupid…” Daniel stared blankly at the back in front of him, not really paying any attention. Eyelids drooped slightly over his light brown eyes, and his short black hair hung limply around his face. A book was open and propped up in his right hand, but he didn’t pay any attention to it. A few faces turned and glared at him, mostly girls who had actually been reading. The boy ignored them and stared up at the clock.

In less than five minutes, Dan would be free. Free of school, free of math, and, most importantly, free from Miss Lingle for a total of three months. It sure made five minutes seem like a long time.

“Mr. Dorager…” Dan winced, turning slowly around in his desk. Posters of various mathematical formulas lined the wall he faced, and a number line, starting at –20, bordered the ceiling. A large teacher’s desk stood before it, with a young woman sitting there. Though Dan didn’t like her, even he could admit that Miss Lingle was pretty. With bright blue eyes, long blonde hair, and a gently curving figure, she was all most of the high school boys, including Dan’s older brother, Nate, could talk about the first month of school. At least, until everyone got to know her.

She was strict beyond belief. Though she never yelled, that tone in her voice was usually enough. No one ever ‘forgot’ to do their math homework any more, at least not in fifth and sixth grade. Every time you forgot, you had to do it again, and a five-paragraph essay explaining why you didn’t do it and what you were doing instead. No excuses short of a trip to the hospital could get you out of it. And, if you didn’t do those the next day, you could do them after school, when you had detention with her for a week.

“It’s a simple assignment, Mr. Dorager. Read until the bell rings. Why aren’t you?” Her voice, pretty except for the scathing tone, cut through him like a knife.

“Er, um, I accidentally stopped?”

“Then I suggest you start again.” Dan opened his mouth to argue, to point out that there was less than five minutes left of school, but he closed his mouth again. There was no point in arguing. Reluctantly, he began reading the book once more. Just as he read the first word, the bell rang. With a sigh, he closed the book and joined the others in the mad dash out of school and into the beginning of summer.


Riding the bus home from school was always irritating beyond belief. Dan was glad that he was one of the first ones off. Nearly everyone yelled, if only because that was the only way the person sitting beside you could hear you. It was mostly the little kids up front, screaming their heads off, but the bus driver never did anything. Dan was almost positive that he wore ear plugs- that would be the only way you could concentrate to drive. After about ten minutes of this, Dan was off and at home, watching the bus go by. As he walked up to the front door, he remembered again what his mom had promised to get for his good final grades. The thing every Pokemon fanatic, or at least most of them, has been waiting for months. Pokemon Diamond, the first game set in Sinnoh.

Immediately after opening the door, Dan stuck in his head and yelled, “Mo-om! Did you get Pokemon Diamond yet?” He grinned as he stepped into the foyer; he’d already heard his mom’s mock sigh from the kitchen.

“You walk in from school, and the first the you ask me about is that silly game…” The woman that stepped into the hallway, with one hand behind her back, had black hair like Dan’s, though much longer, reaching well past her shoulders. Her eyes were a bright blue, and despite her scolding words, she wore a smile on her face. It was evident that they were mother and son. Both shared the same small nose and rounded chin.

Taking her hand out from behind her back, she held out the small box she had for him to take. For a moment, Dan could only look at it in wonder. Emblazoned with the words, ‘Pokemon Diamond’, a blue and gray creature stood erect on four trunk-like legs. It had an almost stubby looking tail, with gray spikes sticking out from its back and head, and a plate over its chest. Dialga was unmistakable. No other Pokemon looked quite like it. Finally, Dan grabbed it, and stared up at his mother with a smile.

“Thanks, Mom. Thanks a lot.” In a flurry of movement, Dan quickly ran to his room to play the shiny new game.

“I’ll call you when dinner’s ready!” His mother called as he left.


Dan’s room was rather small and box shaped, with the walls painted a dark blue color. Not that you could see much of the paint. Posters covered most of the walls. Posters of Pokemon mostly, ranging from the old 1-151 poster to the new one with all the Sinnoh Pokemon. His favorite, though, was probably the Ho-Oh poster. Ho-Oh was Dan’s favorite Pokemon, without a doubt. It was a fire type, which Dan loved, plus he just thought it looked cool. Especially on that poster, with wings stretched out to full length, claws open to rake the enemy, and the background all flames. The rest of his room was rather messy, with a jumble of old toys lying about mixed with clothes and papers. With a quick dig through one of the larger piles, he was able to find his black DS, and plopped down onto the blue comforter on his bed. He quickly tore open the packaging of the game, careful not to rip the front, and took out the cartridge. He didn’t bother to read the helpful booklet, and just began playing.

He was on it all night, stopping only shortly for dinner, but his parents didn’t bother him much about it. He fell asleep without realizing it, halfway through a battle. Thankfully, though, he’d plugged in the Gameboy’s charger, so it wouldn’t die on him as he slept.

As he dreamed, Dan felt himself falling into darkness. He wasn’t worried all that much, having already guessed that he was dreaming. Without warning, the falling sensation abruptly stopped. He hit something solid, yet squishy, bouncing up and down almost lazily after he hit. Adjusting himself so that he was sitting, he looked around.

At first, he couldn’t see anything. All around him was blackness, endless shadow. He couldn’t see what he sat on, either, though he wasn’t sure if it was just because of darkness, or because there wasn’t really anything there. Suddenly, a pair of eyes appeared before him. They weren’t human, that he could tell immediately. They were red, but not a scary, blood red. It reminded him more of fire.

Dan… The voice seemed to echo all around him, deep and reverberating. It was ancient and powerful, but also kind.

“Who are you?” Dan finally asked, his own voice sounding weak in comparison. The voice belonged to the creature beyond those eyes, he was sure of it. And, whatever it was, it knew his name.

Surely you know me, Dan? Oh, of course not. I have not completely revealed myself to you. Color and form began to sweep out from the eyes, growing and shaping itself into a bird-like creature. Black rings circled its eyes, giving way to an orange head with a long beak and golden plume. Huge wings of red and green seemed to light up the dark space, as did its golden tail feathers. Even before it was complete, Dan knew what it was.

“Ho-Oh…” He breathed in disbelief.

Yes. The beak didn’t move, but Dan knew it was Ho-Oh speaking nonetheless. There was no mistaking the majesty in the voice, no denying that it could not belong to something so huge and powerful. I’m here to call upon your aide, Dan…
__________________
:::URPG:::


Last edited by Draconic_Espeon; 08-13-2007 at 03:19 PM.
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  #2  
Old 06-03-2007, 07:26 PM
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Default Re: Platinum (Not ready...)

Chapter Two- The Calling

“What could you want from me?” Dan was slowly beginning to question whether or not this was really a dream. Ho-Oh, standing in front of him, seemed so real and lifelike, even though whatever kind of room they were in had no walls, no floor, no ceiling. Just darkness, with no way of telling where he was.

There’s something that needs to be done, Ho-Oh began. Something in your world that requires action. But, I cannot go there physically. Only in spirit, to choose a vessel to complete my task for me. I choose you, Daniel.

“What’s going on? Why would you need to come here?” It didn’t make sense. Was this really Ho-Oh he was speaking to, a Pokemon? But Pokemon weren’t real. Were they?

Yes, Daniel, Pokemon are very real, Ho-Oh rumbled. Long ago, our worlds were connected, and humans and Pokemon lived together in harmony. But, some of the humans stopped seeing Pokemon as living things, and instead saw them as tools. The Pokemon rebelled, and a war was started, long and bloody. At its end, there was few of either race left. We, the Legendaries, decided that humans and Pokemon could no longer live in peace with one another. We separated the world, making the survivors forget, so we could live in peace again.

But, not all was well. In all this time, one of our own, a Legendary named Darkrai, has been plotting the end of humans. He has been slowly wearing away the thin border that separates our worlds, until now, when he has been able to push Pokemon through to cause havoc in your world. The tear he has created is only small now, but it will grow, gradually. This is why I need your help, Daniel. You must find the Pokemon that come through, defeat them, and send them back.


“How can I do that? I don’t have a Pokemon,” Dan said, though his excitement crept into his voice. A chance to actually capture Pokemon! And, to find out that Pokemon really were real! It was all so amazing, if… If it was all real. He hoped that it was.

I will be sending a partner Pokemon to you, along with special nets you can use to catch the Pokemon on your side. You partner should be able to send them back. Ho-Oh solemnly nodded his head in farewell. I am counting on you, Daniel. With those last words, the darkness began to swallow Ho-Oh, all until nothing was left but his fiery eyes.

“Wait, Ho-Oh! How-“ Before Dan could finish his question, the eyes blinked shut and disappeared as well. When they did, Dan was plunged back into himself once more, sleeping soundly.


When Dan awoke the next morning, he sat up with a jolt. He looked around the room quickly, half expecting to see Ho-Oh again, but all he saw was his poster. It seemed dull now, paling in comparison of the vibrant colors of the real thing…

No. Dan threw off the covers and climbed to his feet. He was still in his school clothes from the day before, after falling asleep while playing. He found his DS lying on the floor, still plugged in with the screens lit up. He finished the battle quickly and saved before turning it off. The game wasn’t exciting anymore. It didn’t seem as fun as the prospect of going out with his own Pokemon and catching more. And, doing it to save the world, the chosen one of Ho-Oh. It could only have been a dream. Here, in the realness of his room, that black place and Ho-Oh were far away, not believable.

With little enthusiasm, Dan changed his clothes and went down stairs for breakfast. He grinned slightly to see that his mom had made pancakes. She smiled in reply as he approached, while his father was buried in a newspaper. His brother was still asleep, since he wasn’t there yet, and Dan grabbed some pancakes while he could. In the mornings, Nate ate practically everything in sight.

Halfway through his first cake smothered in syrup, Dan heard a loud yell from upstairs, combined with a squawk. A door slammed open, and, with heavy footsteps, his brother came down the stairs from his room, carrying a fluffy mass of green feathers. Nate was a basketball player, tall and fairly muscular. He had a fiery temper to go with his bright red hair, inherited from their father who was now mostly gray, and their mother’s blue eyes. He threw the feathery thing at Dan, who only just managed to catch it. The ball was a lighter than he thought it would be, though the impact still hurt.

“Quit puttin’ those stupid things in my room!” Without another word, he turned and stomped away again.

“Nate! Don’t yell at your brother,” Dan’s mother said, sounding exasperated. Nate didn’t say anything in reply. He just kept walking.

“I-it’s my fault, Mom,” Dan said quickly, trying to hide the scruffy ball of fuzz. “I shouldn’t have left this in his room. Let me go take it back to mine.” Quickly climbing to his feet while keeping the object out of sight of his parents, he went upstairs to his room.

All the while, the thing had been squirming and scrabbling. Whatever it was, it wasn’t Dan’s, and it was alive. He dropped it on the bed, and it righted itself. Dan could see its tiny yellow beak and red talons clearly now, and could easily tell it was a bird. As the creature calmed down, the feathers began to lay flat; enough that Dan could tell that it wasn’t all green. Its tiny wings were yellow and red, too small to support its round body in flight. Its tail feathers were rather long and red as well, and there was a long red feather sticking from the top of its head. Its eyes were black, and seemed almost painted on. It took Dan a few minutes to work out what it was.

“You’re… You’re a Natu! But then, that means…”

That you’re meeting with Ho-Oh was real? Yes. The voice was masculine, but not overly deep, sounding almost young. There was a hint of sarcasm there as well, especially with the last word. I take it you are Daniel?

“Yes. Um, why were you in my brother’s room?”

Misinterpreted the directions. Teleporting is difficult, especially when you don’t know where you’re going. Your brother is very heavy, by the way. It’s not fun to be stepped on. Dan laughed.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it that my brother doesn’t watch where he steps.” Blinking, Dan remembered something else. “You’re my partner, right?”

Yes, the Natu replied, puffing out his feathers some in irritation. What? Were you expecting a Charmander?

“Well, kinda…”

Yes, well, Charmanders can’t use telepathy. One reason Ho-Oh chose a Psychic type. Also, my mother knows him quite well. She’s a seer, you see, and informs Ho-Oh of impending doom and other disasters. She didn’t see Darkrai’s plots until after they’d been done, though. He kept her from seeing them.

“Oh. Well, I guess it makes sense, then. Do you have a net or something for me? Ho-Oh said something about one,” Dan said, watching the Natu. The bird jumped up slightly, and began looking around the bed, turning every which way.

I did, but… I must have dropped it. It’s in your brother’s room, probably. It looked crestfallen, having failed in its duty to safely deliver the device to his new trainer.

“It’s okay,” Dan said as he sat down on the bed beside the bird. “We can go in there later, after he leaves. Oh!” Dan stood up quickly. “I have to go back down to the kitchen and finish my breakfast. Stay up here and don’t make too much noise, okay? I’ll sneak you a pancake.”

A… What-cake? Natu asked, sounding confused. Oh, whatever, so long as it's edible. I’m starving.

“Okay, I’ll be back in just a few minutes.” Dan left through the door, slowly closing it behind him. He stopped, smiling to himself, before going back down. The meeting really had happened, and there was a real live Pokemon in his room! This summer was going to be interesting.
__________________
:::URPG:::


Last edited by Draconic_Espeon; 08-09-2007 at 01:47 PM.
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Old 06-04-2007, 11:18 PM
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Default Re: Platinum (Not ready...)

Chapter Three- First Crossing

As Dan came back down the stairs, his dad was gone, and his mom was preparing to leave.

“I have some errands to run, and I’ll be back in a couple hours,” his mom said as she walked to the door. “Don’t irritate your brother, and stay out of trouble.”

“I’ll be good,” Dan replied, half sounding exasperated, though his grin proved otherwise. He sat back down at the table to finish eating his breakfast.

“Alright then, bye.” When the door slammed shut, Dan quickly took his plate to the sink and grabbed one of the leftover pancakes for the Natu. He went to start walking back up the stairs when his brother’s door opened. A ball about the size of a softball came hurtling down the stairs. Dan ducked just in time to miss getting beamed in the head.

“Another stupid thing you left in my room,” Nate called down before slamming the door. With a sigh, Dan picked up the ball. It was strange looking, and appeared to be made completely out of white string. He tried to unravel it, but couldn’t find where the string began.

“Must be the net,” he thought out loud. He looked back up the stairs at the closed door to Nate’s room.

“He’s been kinda moody lately… I wonder if his girlfriend dumped him or something.” Shrugging it off as something that wasn’t his problem, he climbed the stairs and entered his own room. At least he had the net now.

When he entered, the Natu was lying on his bed asleep, having made a kind of nest from the sheets and blankets. Dan placed the pancake next to its face and tapped it on the head.

“Hello? Are you asleep?” He yelped in pain as the bird’s beak shot up and grabbed the offending finger. The Natu quickly let go, though.

Don’t do that! He projected, sounding angry. Next time I might do something worse!

“Sorry,” Dan replied, waving his hand. The finger still hurt. “I brought you a pancake, anyway. And, I got the net. My brother found it and threw it at me.” Dan set the ball on the bed for Natu to look at. “How does it work, anyway? Do you just throw it at something?”

This is it, Natu said, picking up the ball with one foot. And yes, you’re right, you do throw it. I then use Psychic to open it up and ensnare the Pokemon. All it is, really, is an Ariados' web, rolled into a ball, with a teleporting mechanism on the inside.

“Oh… Kay, then,” Dan replied, not really following that much. “How will we know when a Pokemon crosses through?"

I should be able to sense- The bird Pokemon began, but was mysteriously cut off. He seemed to be looking off into space, not truly seeing what was around him. Dan waited for a few seconds before he began to tap his foot impatiently. He waved his hand in front of the Pokemon's face, careful not to touch him.

"Hellooooo... Natu? Is anybody home?"

"NATUUUUUU!" The tiny bird squawked unexpectedly. He leaped into the air and flapped his wings, red and green feathers drifting down onto the bed. "Natuuu! Nat, natu!" He said urgently. Dan looked at him quizzically, not understanding what he was saying. Natu finally settled down and alighted on Dan's shoulder.

I'm sorry! I forgot! The green bird apologized quickly. But we need to hurry! I didn't expect a Pokemon to come through this quickly.

“Woah, really? One already?” Excited, Dan grabbed the net and put it quickly into his pocket. Things were moving quickly, a lot faster than he’d expected. Still, it was almost breathtaking. He, Daniel Dorager, would be catching a real live Pokemon!

Hurry, we don’t have all day, Natu said impatiently from his shoulder. It could already be doing untold damage.

“What Pokemon did you see, anyway?” Dan asked, finally ready to leave. He went quickly down the stairs, glad that Nate didn’t notice, and out the door.

A Horsea, Natu replied gravely. Dan couldn’t help but laugh.

“A Horsea? Natu, those are pushovers! They’re gentle at best-“

Not always, Natu replied, cutting him off. You can expect Darkrai to go through and pick the most violent one he can. Right now, he has to start small, as the tear in the two worlds isn’t that large. Gradually, it’ll get bigger, and…

“So will the Pokemon,” Dan finished, his good mood vanishing quickly. “But really, what can a Horsea do? Spit ink at the occasional passerby?” They had reached the end of the sidewalk in front of Dan’s house by this time. “Where to?”

I didn’t recognize the place, Natu replied. Lots of trees and grass, and a pool full of brown Psyduck things…

“The duck pond at the park!” Dan said, immediately realizing what Natu described. When he was younger, he and his grandma went there all the time to give breadcrumbs to the ducks. He turned to his right, running quickly down the sidewalk.

But still, Dan, a Horsea can do a lot of damage! Natu said urgently, clinging to Dan’s shoulder with his red feet. They know Twister, a dragon move that can be devastating in the human world.

“Yeah, I guess it could,” Dan said, imagining a tornado suck up the duck pond, only to fling the water someplace else. “Good thing its not too far away.”

The run to the park still took about ten minutes. Upon arriving, Dan half expected to already see the tornado at work, ripping down trees left and right. He was relieved to see everything still intact.

“Okay, the duck pond is just over here…” Dan said, rounding a corner past some trees. The pond was shallow, little more than a small pool, and perfectly round. The water was clear and fairly clean, though soggy bread drifted here and there. Dan was surprised that a duck hadn’t eaten it yet, until he realized that there were no ducks in the pond at all. The Horsea must have chased them all away. Dan was about to speak when a dark shaped emerged from under the water. Before Dan could get a good look at it, a jet of water shot out, splashing him and Natu both. The battle had begun.
__________________
:::URPG:::


Last edited by Draconic_Espeon; 08-09-2007 at 02:01 PM.
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Old 06-14-2007, 06:25 PM
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Default Re: Platinum (Not ready...)

Chapter Four- Twister

Dan quickly wiped the water off his face, only to get sprayed with more as Natu ruffled his feathers to rid them of dampness as well. Still, Dan caught a glimpse of the creature, and he immediately recognized it as a Horsea. It was cute, with pale turquoise skin and large red eyes. Rather than a mouth, it had what looked like the front end of a trumpet, perfect for squirting both ink and water at enemies. Long spines like whiskers stuck out from either side of its head. It had no limbs other than two cream wing-like fins for swimming and its tail, curled up under it like a seahorse’s. Its belly was striped by long, rubbery skin, all a light cream color. It wasn’t as docile as many seemed in the anime and whatnot. Whenever Dan pictured a Horsea, he pictured Misty’s, cute and cuddly. This one was still cute, but it had a mischievous glint in its eyes. If it had a proper mouth, Dan swore it would have been sneering at them both. It launched another Water Gun, but Dan ducked in time to miss it.

“Ready, Natu?” He said, standing back up.

Of course. The bird leaped from his shoulder, flapping his wings furiously. He couldn’t fly so well, but he could glide. He dived down at the Horsea, Pecking its head hard, before turning back. He just narrowly missed getting inked, for the glob of black goo whizzed past his tail feathers.

Luckily, Dan remembered some of Natu’s moves from playing prior games, though he had no idea what moves he had in the Diamond and Pearl versions.

“Use Nightshade!” Dan called, hoping Natu would listen. The little bird did, nimbly landing away from the Horsea. His eyes began to glow a deep shade of purple, struck through with stripes of black. The colors spread all about Natu’s face, until he seemed totally black. The covering peeled itself off and floated as a thick aura in the air, vaguely taking the shape of a floating head. The Horsea’s eyes widened in fear, but it didn’t have time to duck before the attack was upon it. It went completely through the Horsea, like a ghost, and disappeared afterwards into dark mist. The Horsea shivered, it eyes closed, but reopened them, its resolve strengthening. The attack hadn’t done as much damage as Dan had hoped it would.

The Horsea was quick to retaliate, spitting out thick smoke. It engulfed both Pokemon and Trainer. Dan quickly covered his mouth with his shirt, trying to stem a coughing fit, and heard Natu hacking as well.

“Natu, are you okay?” He asked, voice muffled by the material. There wasn’t an answer through the thick haze. Putting out one hand, Dan tried to feel his way to Natu, only to be hit by a steady stream of water. He was hit backwards, the breath knocked out of him. It was the Horsea using Hydro Pump, simply attacking anything that moved in the smoke. When Dan fell, his shirt fell off his face, and he was forced to breath in the foul smoke, coughing all the while. Unable to get a good breath, he could do little more than lay on the ground… Until finally, a breeze reached them.

Actually, Dan thought it to be more of a wind, blowing away the smoke. He could hear the flap of wing beats as well. He thought it might be Natu at first, until he saw the flying shape was larger than the green bird, and black. It was crow-like in appearance, with a long, crooked beak and jet-colored feathers. On its head was a peculiar hat, almost like a witch’s, but not as pointed, and its tail looked like the brush of a broom. It glanced down at him with cold red eyes, holding no compassion, despite having saved them. Without a word, it flew into the sky and away. It had to be a Murkrow, but what would one be doing here? And why would it save them?

Are you okay, Dan? Dan was jolted out of his thoughts by the question from Natu. He looked around for the green bird and found him not far from himself. He’d been knocked several yards back from the pond, into which the Horsea had disappeared.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine…” Dan managed to reply, a little shakily. His breathing was still difficult, but was quickly getting better as he breathed in the clean air.

That little wind was quite convenient, wasn’t it? Natu commented, and Dan gave him a questioning look.

“Didn’t you see the…? Oh, never mind.” Dan climbed to his feet quickly, instantly feeling better. “Let’s finish this.” Natu nodded curtly in reply.

But how will we bring the Horsea back out?

“Oh, I’ve got an idea…” Looking around, Dan quickly found just what he needed. A good sized rock, nice and round in shape. He picked it up and walked closer to the pool, about as close as they were when it first attacked. With a grin, Dan tossed it into the lake. There was silence for a second, before the Horsea surfaced. Dan hadn’t really meant to, but he must have hit it in the head, because it sure looked mad this time. Without any warning, it fired off a mighty blast of water, another Hydro Pump. Dan managed to jump aside from this one, falling to the ground to one side of hit. He quickly climbed to his feet again, finding it hard to believe that such a big blast of water could come from such a small creature.

Natu had dodged the attack too, ready to attack with one of his own, but he waited for Dan’s orders. Dan thought for a second before saying, “Can you Teleport in close and Peck it a few times?”

Yes, I can, Natu replied, sounding confident. He disappeared with a slight pop, only to reappear next to the Horsea. The water dragon hadn’t heard Dan’s command, and wasn’t ready for the bird’s sudden appearance over the water, or the flurry of Pecks that accompanied it. Just as Natu Teleported once more to escape the water, the Horsea ducked down to escape the attacks. It stayed under, the water remaining motionless.

“… Did we win?” Dan asked hopefully, watching the water carefully.

I doubt it, Natu replied. I think… It’s getting ready for a big attack. Dan swallowed nervously. As if its little attacks hadn’t been bad enough…

Finally, the water changed. Dan saw the small dark shape of the Horsea in the water, circling down below the surface. It seemed foolish to him- he had no idea what the creature was trying to do.

“Is it trying to make us dizzy or something?”

No! Startled, he looked down at Natu. The little bird was quivering, and it looked genuinely afraid. It’s about to use Twister! Looking back at the pool, Dan began to notice the water spin as well. A breeze was building up, too. It gradually grew stronger, until the wind seemed to be tearing at Dan’s clothes.

… I’ve got an idea. Dan looked back down at his partner hopefully. There’s a move I’ve been trying to learn… I haven’t quite mastered it yet, but I think I can use it to counteract the Twister. Just stand back and trust me. Dan nodded, not believing himself ready to speak. He was relieved that Natu had a plan, because he had no ideas as to what to do next.

The boy quickly stepped back, moving several feet away from the green bird. The gathering with ruffled Natu’s feathers, but he didn’t seem to notice. His eyes were focused on something else, something farther away than the pond.

Finally, the wind tightened together, sucking the water from the pond and reaching up, high into the sky as a waterspout. It was hard to believe that the Horsea could have made anything so huge, or that it could have formed without clouds. And still, it didn’t seem like a particularly powerful tornado to Dan. Yes, it was pulling on him, but surely, if it were all that strong, it’d be sucking him up? Natu, without wasting another moment, reacted.

His eyes suddenly became focused, and he lifted his miniscule wings to their full extent. He brought them back down in a quick downward stroke. The wind they created was dark, reminding Dan of the Nightshade Natu had created. It seemed to curl into clawed fingers, reaching out and grasping the Twister. The fingers squeezed the torrent of air until it dissipated, the water it held falling back into the lake with a loud splash. The hand still held something, though, the little blue form of the Horsea. It struggled to escape, but couldn’t. At long last, the hand dissolved, dropping the Horsea to the grass.

… Now it’s finished, Natu said, looking pleased with himself. He turned to Dan. Shouldn’t you be throwing the net now?

“Oh, right.” In truth, Dan was stunned by the attack. He had no idea that one like that even existed. Shrugging it off as an attack from the new games, he gently tossed the ball of thread. Natu’s eyes glowed a dark navy, the color reaching out to the ball as well. It floated higher than Dan had thrown it, unraveling until it formed a huge spider’s web. The web fell, covering the Horsea, and constricting around it. The creature moved about feebly.

“Is that it then?” Dan asked, waiting for the net and Pokemon to disappear. “Did we catch it?”

Maybe, Natu replied. It works much like one of your Pokeballs did. It will only disappear back to the Pokemon world if the Pokemon is thoroughly exhausted. If not, the Pokemon will break through… With bated breath, both boy and bird watched on, hoping it would disappear.



Just pointing out... That last attack by Natu was Ominous Wind. Dan doesn't know what it was because he just got his Diamond game and hasn't gotten far enough into it to know. Also, I have no clue if that's really how Ominous Wind works. I've never played Diamond or Pearl, so I just kinda molded into what I needed it to be. If that's a problem, I can try to change it.

Trying For: Horsea
Difficulty: Hard
Required Length: 20-30K
Actual Length: About 24,504 w/out spaces, 29,907 with
Status: Finished!
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  #5  
Old 08-06-2007, 03:52 AM
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Default Re: Platinum

*Bump

Wow, I suck at life ay? I'm so sorry you've had to wait this long.

Story/Plot: I can tell you right now that this is going to be a short grade, simply because of the fact that this was such a great story. I could easily say that this was one of the best stories I’ve read in a long time. You’ve created an extremely original storyline, and that’s always a pleasure to see. The way you mixed real life with the Pokemon world was simply exquisite. You can do so much with the plot you have going here, I could even see Dan waking up at the end of it with it all have been a dream; or having it truly be real life. Either way, you’ve done a really good job with this, and I hope you’ll continue it.

Grammar/Spelling: Perfectly fine. I don’t really have anything to point out, but I did see this:
Quote:

Oh, whatever, so long as its edible. I’m starving.
Basically, “its” is used when you’re trying to show possession. You would use “its” in this case, since we want to say “it is”. It’s = It is.

Really, I didn’t see anything else. Nice job.

Detail/Description: I thought this was done very well. I could picture everything that was happening without being bombarded with useless adjectives. There’s always room for improvement, but I have nothing to complain about. ;P

Length: Pfft, you’re fine.

Battle: Absolutely perfect. It was definitely two-sided, and I didn’t feel that it was too short or too long either. And honestly, I wouldn’t have a clue what Ominous Wind would look like either since I haven’t once played Diamond or Pearl. I think the way you described it seems perfectly plausible, so there’s no need to change anything.

I was curious to whether any people saw this battle though. You’d think these enormously disruptive attacks would have caught somebody’s notice, especially considering the fact that the battle happened in the middle of a park. ;P

Outcome: Very nice work with this; interesting from the beginning to end. Keep it up. Horsea captured!

Ugh, I really hate giving short grades, but I wanted to make sure I'd get it done tonight. I may add more to this later.
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Old 08-08-2007, 06:06 PM
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Default Re: Platinum

Oh, wow. I didn't expect to get so much praise. XD Thanks a lot, and I am continuing this for a while. I have ideas for at least four more captures. ^^

As you'll see in the next part, someone did see the battle.
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Old 08-09-2007, 02:46 PM
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Default Re: Platinum

I've already gotten this part done, and I'm checking it over as I post, so it'll be ready as soon as I get up Chapter Four. ^^ Though, I will admit, writting this part was more difficult for me than the last, so it may seem kind of rushed. I'm trying to smooth it out as I go. It is shorter, too, but then, the maximum requirements for two simple Pokemon is only 20k.

Platinum: Sacred Flames

Capture Two: Ekans and Shinx

Chapter One- Hidden Allies

The park was busy for a weekday. There were more people there than usual, most of them children fresh from their last day of school. Freed from the reigns of public education, they were eager to enjoy the fair weather, green grass, and bright midday sun. However, two kids seemed to have something far from fun and games on their minds.

The first was a twelve-year-old boy. With black hair and brown eyes, he didn’t seem altogether out of place in his red shirt and jeans. What was odd was the bright green bird huffing tiredly beside him and the white squirming form that they both watched closely. The boy’s name was Dan, the bird’s Natu, and they were partners, one of the first human/Pokemon partnerships in over a hundred years. Long ago, Pokemon and humans coexisted, until a war divided the two races. The Legendary Pokemon, those possessing the greatest power and some considered gods, eventually came to a decision to separate them once and for all. The world was divided into two. Humans became a legend on the Pokemon side, while the humans, many years later, would create a franchise based from the fleeting images of Pokemon in their minds.

One Legend remembered the atrocities committed by humans quite vividly, and kept those images in its mind, nurturing anger and want of revenge until, finally, the time was right. Darkrai, known for scorning the other Legends in their decision to let the humans live peacefully, was finally able to tear a hole through the wall dividing the Pokemon and human worlds, and is pushing through destructive Pokemon in order to cause chaos. Unable to go through himself, Ho-Oh, a powerful Legend of fire that resembles a phoenix, chose Dan and Natu to help protect the human world from these intruders. They had, after a long battle, finally captured their first Pokemon. Wrapped in a bundle of Ariados web was a Horsea. Using a teleporting device, it would be whisked back to the Pokemon world… Once the Horsea stopped struggling. And so, boy and bird watched hopefully until, finally, the Horsea gave up, and the bundle disappeared. With a sigh of relief, Dan sat down hard on the grass.

“Wow. That… Was harder than I thought,” he said finally, managing to find his voice.

If it was easy, anyone could do it, Natu pointed out sternly, though Dan could tell that he was tired too. Dan just grinned in reply and looked up at the sky. He was surprised to see it not only high, but already on its downward arc. Where had the time gone?

“I have to get back home,” he said, quickly climbing to his feet. “With any luck, my Mom won’t be home yet.”

Why? Natu asked, puzzled. You could just tell her that we-

“If I told her what happened,” Dan cut in, “she wouldn’t believe a word I said.”

You could always show her me. I’m real enough, aren’t I?

“Yes, but…” Dan trailed off, at a loss of words. Now that he thought about it, it wasn’t so much that he didn’t think she would believe him. He just knew that if she knew he was out here trying to save the world and fighting destructive Pokemon, she’d make him stop, because he was too young to be doing something like that. It always seemed like he was too young to do anything. “She… She wouldn’t approve, okay? It’s better just to keep this whole thing a secret.” Natu looked skeptical, but didn’t argue.

Alright. I’ll meet you at your house, but I have to go back to my world and get another net. Otherwise, we won’t be able to catch any more Pokemon, Natu said, changing the subject.

“Okay. Just go to the right room, okay?” Dan replied jokingly. The first time Natu had tried to teleport to his room, he’d ended up in Dan’s brother’s room. Natu ruffled his feathers indignantly, but didn’t reply. He hopped slightly before disappearing with a slight pop of displaced air. Dan watched where he’d disappeared for a moment before turning away, frowning slightly. He’d be in big trouble if his mom got home before him. He quickly began the short run home.


Natu and Dan hadn’t been the only ones in the park that day, but they also weren’t the only ones after the Horsea. Even now, a pair of bright emerald eyes followed Dan as he left. Crouched behind a grove of trees was a young girl. About a year older than Dan, she seemed rather tall, with light auburn hair that she had pulled back, and she wore a plain light green shirt with faded jeans. The eyes were hers, and they still watched Dan with interest. In her arms she cradled a strange creature. It had bright blue skin and was about the size of a small dog, with four short legs and small paws. Its tail was a lighter, grayish blue, and appeared to be a kind of fin, excellent for swimming through water. Another fin stuck out from the top of its head, the same color as the rest of its body, and orange whisker-like structures protruded from a circle of orange skin on both cheeks. Along its belly was a stripe the same color of its tail, reaching all the way up to its bottom lip. Its whole head was rather large, though its black eyes were small. It was a Mudkip, a water-type Pokemon. It, too, was watching Dan.

Why all the sneaking around? The Pokemon asked, excited. Can’t we just go see them already? Of course, he wasn’t talking out loud. Like Natu and Dan, the girl and the Mudkip shared a telepathic link. No one else could hear them unless the Mudkip wanted them to.

“Not yet, Cyan,” the girl whispered back. “Suicune warned us about a traitor among those that claim to have been chosen. They could be the traitors.”

We’ve just sat and watched them fight and capture a Horsea, Jenna. I doubt they’re traitors, Cyan replied crossly.

“What if it was all just an act, and they knew we were watching?”

What if they knew that we knew that they knew we were watching them and just wanted to confuse us? Jenna glanced at Cyan quizzically. Realizing the Mudkip was joking, she rolled her eyes.

“I doubt that,” She said, looking back at the pond in time to see Dan walk away. “Anyway, they’re gone now. We’ll just have to wait until the next Pokemon crosses.”

Aw… Looking downcast, the Mudkip sighed. Well, we’ll have a while, then.

“Yeah…” Jenna replied absently, her mind elsewhere. She’d already been with Cyan for a week, and there had only been three Pokemon attacks, including this one. The Rattata that had first come was easy to beat, and the next Sentret had been a few days later, but that was only yesterday. And now, already, a Horsea. The Pokemon that were coming through were getting more powerful and more frequent. There was no telling when the next might come, or what it might be. The worst thing was, Cyan hardly noticed. But then, the Mudkip had always seemed rather carefree, not taking notice of much of anything. Still, something was brewing, of that Jenna was sure. Whatever it was, she doubted it would be good. Making friends with Dan and his Natu as soon as possible would be in everyone's interest.
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Old 08-09-2007, 03:02 PM
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Default Re: Platinum

Chapter Two- Troubles

Dan’s walk home was uneventful. Nothing really happened, but he would have been too worried to notice it, anyway. Even while school was in session, when Dan was home, he had a tendency to wander off to the park or a friend’s house without telling anyone where he was going, usually while only Nate was home. He’d gotten in trouble for it multiple times, but in the most recent occurrence, his mom had gotten really mad. If he was found to be gone, she was sure to ground him from going anywhere for at least a week, probably longer. If he was unable to leave the house, he and Natu wouldn’t be able to capture any of the Pokemon that crossed through, and who knew what might happen then.

When he arrived home, he was relieved to see his mom’s car still gone. Allowing himself a sigh of relief, he went to open the door. Just as luck would have it, as he touched the doorknob, a car slowed as it passed the house, finally pulling into the driveway itself. It was his mom, no doubt about it.

“Hi Dan,” she said as she stepped out of the car. A white plastic grocery bag was in one hand, and Dan could see more in the car. “Mind helping me bring this stuff in?”

“S-sure,” he said, relieved that she hadn’t said anything about him being gone. Dan ran over to the passenger side of the car, opening the door and gathering the remaining grocery bags.


Once everything was put away, Dan thought for sure that he was home free. She hadn’t said anything at all about him just getting home. At least, until he made to go upstairs to his room and see if Natu was back.

“By the way, Dan,” she said, sounding nonchalant, “where were you before I came home?” Dan couldn’t help but wince. Slowly, he turned back around.

“I, uh, went to the park,” he replied hesitantly.

“And did you tell Nate where you were going?” She sounded stern now, and she watched him expectantly.

“I, uh…” Dan couldn’t lie. He was horrible at it, and it was easy to tell when he was. Unsure of what to say, he didn’t say anything. A voice came down from the top of the stairs.

“Yeah, he did, Mom.” Startled, Dan looked up. Could Nate really be vouching for him? Sure enough, there was his older brother, leaning against the stair rail. “He told me he was going to the park. I didn’t realize he’d gotten back yet until I heard you guys down here.

“Oh,” their mother replied, surprised. Then, she smiled. “Well, good then. I’ll get dinner going. I’ll call you both down when it’s ready.” Dan nodded, stunned, and quickly climbed the stairs. As he reached his room, Nate spoke again.

“You could say thanks," he said, sounding smug and a little harsh. "You and I both know you didn’t tell me.” Questions as to what Nate could possibly gain by helping Dan ran through the younger boy’s head, but he still managed to reply.

“Uh, thanks.”


Natu wasn’t there. Hours went by sluggishly as Dan attempted to play Diamond, but it wasn’t the same. Not after everything that had happened. Finally, dinnertime rolled around without anything from the little green bird. Worried, Dan picked at his food.

Finally, when he climbed the stairs to his room again, he found a disgruntled Natu on his bed, a ball of white fibers near his feet.

Two! The bird said, sounding angry and frightened. I just get back, and there are two of them!

“Two of what?” Dan asked hurriedly. “What? What are you talking about?”

Two Pokemon. A Shinx and an Ekans. Here. Now! Natu was hopping now, feathers ruffled and looking completely unkempt. It wasn’t just that the bird was angry. He seemed frustrated, maybe even a little scared.

“It’s alright, Natu, we can handle them,” the boy said with more conviction than he felt. “It’s only an Ekans and a Shinx. How difficult could that be?”

Only! We’re facing imminent doom, and he says there’s only two! Stopping huffily, Natu grabbed the white ball in his beak. Now, can you tell me how many of these there are? Realizing the trouble with their situation, Dan’s heart sank.

“One?” He replied feebly.

Yes! One net, two Pokemon. Practically impossible! Angrily, Natu tossed the ball to one side. It was crazy, expecting two hatchlings to do something this big. He said, anger dissipating into tiredness. But then, just as all hope seemed lost, the bell rang.
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Old 08-09-2007, 03:09 PM
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Default Re: Platinum

Chapter Three- An Unexpected Visitor


Both stood silent for several seconds, equally startled. Finally, Natu spoke.

… What was that? It sounded like a particularly noisy Chimecho.

“No, that was the door bell.” Casting a sideways glance at his window, he noticed just how late it was. The sky was still light, but things were beginning to turn slightly orange.

“Da-an!” His mother called from downstairs. “There’s someone here to see you!” Natu and Dan exchanged confused looks before Dan ran downstairs.

When he could see the doorway and the girl standing in it, he didn’t quite recognize her. She was familiar, yes, but seemed older than him. She was probably in a grade above him.

“Hi Dan!” She said pleasantly as he approached.

“Uh, hi,” Dan replied, confused by the whole situation.

“I’m Jenna, remember? Jenna Alcaymin. You asked for my help with some summer homework.” Dan knew she was lying right off, despite the fact that she was a much better liar than he was. He’d made no such plan, and anyway, they didn’t have any summer homework. His mom sure seemed convinced, though.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Dan? You should have known it would have been okay.” Jenna was still looking at him intently, almost as if she was willing him to go along with it.

“I, uh, forgot about it,” he said finally.

“I was wondering if you’d want to do it at my house,” Jenna said, looking straight at Dan. “It’ll be less crowded.” Dan blinked and slowly nodded.

“Your parents will be home, right?” Dan’s mom asked. When Jenna, too, nodded, she smiled. “Well, okay then. I don’t have a problem with it.” Jenna smiled as she walked away, then turned to Dan.

“You should get your parts, er, stuff for the homework,” she said. Dan nodded, unsure of his ability to speak, and turned to go back up the stairs. He couldn’t help but wonder if she meant to make it sound like ‘you should get your partner’.

Once back upstairs, he grabbed a notebook.

What are you doing? Natu asked. Not leaving. We have to-

“I know,” Dan said sharply. He went over to his bedroom window and pulled it open. “Yes, I’m going out. I don’t quite understand it myself, but this girl named Jenna wants to talk with me. I’m going along with it, but I want you to follow us.” Dan turned back to Natu. “Think you can handle a drop that high?”

Dan, I can teleport. You don’t even have to open the window. Dan couldn’t help but grin. At least Natu was acting a bit more… Normally. It was almost hard to believe that they’d just met that morning.

“Alright. I’ll leave it open, anyway. And, who knows, maybe we can sneak away from her and get to the Pokemon that crossed over.” Natu nodded and disappeared with a ‘pop’. Dan quickly went back downstairs to meet with Jenna.

“Oh, good, you got it,” she said as he walked down the stairs. “Let’s get going then.” She let him leave first, and closed the door behind her. As soon as she had, Dan spoke.

“What’s the all about?” He asked, sounding a little angry. “You and I both know this isn’t about homework.”

“Your Pokemon, Natu. It sensed two Pokemon crossing over, right?” Suddenly, Jenna seemed very different. She was less pleasant and more direct and commanding. Her question seemed more like a demand for information.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dan said instantly, mind reeling with questions. The foremost was, ‘How does she know?’

“I saw you with it, in the park,” she said, almost angrily. “I know you have one. Why didn’t you come when your Natu sensed it?”

“He only just got back, okay?” Dan replied quickly. “He had to go get another net we were trying to figure out how to pull the capture off when you came. How do you know all this stuff, anyway?!”

“Dunderhead,” she said, softer. She seemed to be almost laughing. “I have a Pokemon too.”

“What?” Dan exclaimed, genuinely shocked. “But Ho-Oh said-“

“Ho-Oh wasn’t the only one to choose a human,” Jenna said, cutting him off. “I was chosen by Suicune. I’m willing to bet that all the Legendaries, maybe even Darkrai, too, chose someone to be here in their stead.” Dan blinked. Thinking about it now, it made sense. The Legendaries couldn’t expect just one kid and a Natu to save the world, after all. More Pokemon meant a better chance. Still, it was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Even through the excitement, Dan had been scared, because the task seemed impossible. Now, though… A loud ‘pop’ right next to Dan’s ear startled him, but as red talons grasped his shoulder, he realized that Natu must have believed Jenna’s story, too.

If you have a Pokemon, where is it? The green bird asked. Jenna, though unfazed by Natu’s sudden appearance, replied quickly, her eyes widening as she remembered.

“Oh, Cyan! He’s taking them on all by himself! We gotta go!” Jenna grabbed Dan’s wrist and pulled, nearly toppling him as she tried to drag him with her.
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Old 08-09-2007, 03:30 PM
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Default Re: Platinum

Chapter Four- Double Battle


Dan half expected to be taken back to the park. In fact, he hoped to be taken there. But, they were going in completely the wrong direction. They were entering town.

Dan was finally able to convince Jenna that he could walk on his own two feet, and so the two ran side-by-side. Dan didn’t dare say anything. Jenna seemed so intent upon their destination, he doubted she would have responded.

They were nearing an alley between a locally owned grocery store and the small library when Dan saw the first evidence of a battle. It was a good thing it was getting late, because no one else was out.

From between the two buildings, Dan saw a flash of bright yellow light. A small blue form, crackling with electricity, was blasted out onto the street.

“Cyan!” Jenna cried out in anguish. She ran to the small Pokemon’s side, Dan and Natu following cautiously behind. The Mudkip looked pretty beat up already, but he was already standing again.

I almost had the Ekans when the Shinx got in the way, the creature growled angrily. Natu leaped from Dan’s shoulder to land near the other Pokemon.

It’s even now, he told Cyan, trying to sound optimistic. Two against two. We’ll show ‘em. The Mudkip just nodded in reply, then looked up at his partner. She nodded and stood, ready for a fight. Dan was surprised by the ferocity in their eyes, and, for a split second, Dan wasn’t sure if he was. But he was here now, and they needed his help.

Cyan jumped back into the alley, aiming a Tackle for the serpentine Pokemon. It lacked both arms and legs, and had a round head and sleek body. The scales on its back were a venomous purple, though it had a ring of yellow around its neck and a rattle on its tail of the same color. It hissed, spitting a Poison Sting at Cyan. The Mudkip couldn’t dodge, but instead plowed right through the needles that shot from the Ekans's mouth.

Natu, too, had joined the fray. Using a tactic from their previous battle with the Horsea, he Teleported in close, Pecking the Shinx’s head as many times as he dared before darting away once more. The feline winced under each hit on its blue head, yellow eyes on its attacker. It had a small mane of black fur around its neck, and a small tuft of fur on its head between two large ears. Its upper torso and forelegs were the same blue as its head, with yellow rings just above its paws, but its back legs and tail were all black. At the very tip of its tail was a four-pronged star.

Angered by the sudden attack, sparks lit around the Shinx’s body, shooting forth at Natu. The small bird just barely avoided them with a well-timed Teleport.

“Natu, Night Shade!” Dan called quickly. Natu’s eyes began to glow purple as he fluttered away from another Spark attack, wincing as a few hit him. Then, the color spread all around his body, swirling with black as well. When it reached the limits of the small bird’s frame, it floated forward. The Shinx, however, wasn’t going to wait for it. It yowled, dodging away, and jumped at Natu, its teeth surging with electricity. After just using Night Shade, Natu was left wide open, and got the full brunt of the Shinx’s Thunder Fang as it bit down on his leg.

Cyan was faring much better. He’d managed to hit the Ekans, but the Poison Sting had also poisoned him. He could feel his energy slowly being sapped by the venom. Jenna was thinking furiously as the Ekans sat smug, hardly hurt by the Tackle. What could she do? Then, and idea came to her.

Before she could shout a command, the Ekans grew tired of waiting and lunged, jaws wide.

“Dodge and use Water Gun!” Jenna yelled quickly. Cyan looked up and jumped, narrowly missing the Bite attack. The Ekans struck only dirt. As it spat out the grit, Cyan shot a jet of water, drenching its back. However, Cyan’s aim wasn’t all that good- a lot of the water fell to the ground. The water barely hurt the snake, only made it angrier. It made a strange coughing sound then spat. The Acid missed most of Cyan, but still hit his tail. The Mudkip winced, his power waning. Hopefully this last attack would be the last…

“Now, Cyan!” Jenna called, sounding triumphant. “Mud Slap!” With a well-practiced movement, Cyan dipped his tail under some of the dirt that had gotten wet from his previous Water Gun attack. He jumped forward, flicking his tail so that the mud would fly. It hit the Ekans, smack in the face.

The snake hissed in pain, writhing and shaking its head. Poison types were weak against ground type moves. Thankfully, Cyan had a few of them.

“Again!”

We've got it! Cyan cried triumphantly, adrenaline giving him extra energy for the moment. He flipped more of the mud with his tail, each hitting the Ekans in succession. The snake tried to retaliate by loosing another Poison Sting, but it completely missed due to all the mud in its eyes. Finally, completely exhausted, the snake fell in a heap on the ground. Cyan staggered on his feet, excited for the win, but utterly tired as well.

“Are you okay?” Jenna asked, rushing to his aide.

Yes, yes, Cyan replied, sounding breathless. Just throw it. Still worried, Jenna pulled the white ball of Ariados silk from her pocket and tossed it into the air. Cyan closed his eyes, and his whole body began to glow with a light blue aura. The glow covered the ball as well, opening it, and just in time. It fell, loosing its radiance, and Cyan fainted from both the battle and his poisoning. The net wrapped around the Ekans, and Jenna could do little more than wait and hope it would cross back over.

Dan and Natu weren’t quite to that point yet. Though Natu was faster, the Shinx had more stamina. After the first Spark, Shinx kept using the attack, over and over again. Natu was hard pressed to keep Teleporting away, and he was getting worn out. Dan knew they had to do something offensive. Natu couldn't take such a long battle… Finally, an attack came to mind.

“Natu! Use Future Sight!” Natu blinked, as if confused.

What? How do I use that? Dan’s heart sank. He knew that Natu learned the move, but his Natu must not have learned it yet.

“You have to foresee an attack! Like, in the future!” Natu still looked confused, but slowly nodded. Unfortunately, the Shinx took advantage of Natu’s lack of attention to use another Thunder Fang. Natu jumped away with a surprised squawk, the Shinx’s teeth coming together just below his tail. Then, closing his eyes, he began to concentrate.

The days of being back at home, training with his mother, quickly came back to him. He remembered her words clearly. To see a vision, you must focus mind, spirit, and body… He concentrated his whole being into seeing the attack, the powerful force that would bring down the Shinx. Suddenly, his eyes snapped open, clouded over with a bright purple light. He muttered something incomprehensible, and then snapped out of the trance. Blinking, he came back to his senses just in time to be hit by a Spark.

The electricity flowed through his body, shocking him and tightening muscles. The pain ebbed away, but that stiff feeling remained. He’d been paralyzed.

“Natu! Are you okay?” Dan called, wondering why Natu wasn’t moving.

Just peachy, the small bird replied. I’ve been paralyzed!

“Can you still teleport?”

I’m not sure. Suddenly, he blinked away, reappearing a few feet away from the Shinx. Yep! Well, that’s one good thing.

“Just hold out until the Future Sight kicks in, okay?” Dan said, hopeful. With any luck, this might work.

Yeah, yeah, oka-aghhh!

Tired of being ignored, the Shinx ran forward, Biting hard onto Natu’s wing. Natu squawked loudly, but the pain seemed to bring Natu to life. His wing flapped upon forcefully, sending the Shinx flying.

“Now, Natu, use Teleport and Peck!” Dan called out. He needed to buy time for the Future Sight. Natu disappeared, only to reappear next to the fallen Shinx. He tried the Peck, but the Shinx was ready, loosing a Spark. Natu Teleported away once more, hit by the lesser of the sparks. He appeared near Dan.

“How much longer, do you think?” Dan asked him. Natu shrugged, a strange gesture for a bird. It was obvious Natu was almost down for the count.

I’m not sure, but I think its… Natu stopped suddenly. A feeling like déjà vu came over him, and he felt… Empowered. Like energy will welling up in him. The feeling grew stronger and stronger, and Dan’s eyes widened as Natu began to turn bright purple. The Shinx seemed confused by Natu suddenly stopping, but began to back away fearfully as the small bird began to glow. Natu suddenly disappeared, using Teleport to get behind his foe. The Shinx turned just as Natu released the Future Sight attack.

The purple mist separated from Natu and dove at the Shinx, picking the cat up as it struggled to break free. The Shinx was sent flying, hitting a brick wall. It fell limply to the ground, knocked out.

Heaving a sigh of relief, Dan pulled out the ball of Ariados web and gently tossed it. Natu’s eyes began to glow, as did the net. It opened up, falling onto and wrapping itself around the Shinx. Now, both Pokemon were caught. Would they stay that way?



Just a quick explanation as to why Cyan can use telepathy, Psychic, and, eventually, Teleport to go back to the Pokemon World. The reason is because Cyan's father was a Slowking. He inherited some of the Psychic traits, though he cannot actively use Psychic attacks. Telepathy is easy, he can do it as often as he likes, but Psychic and Teleport are both very difficult for him, and he can't use them in battle like Natu can. There will be another non-Psychic partner Pokemon in the next part as well, and she'll be similar to Cyan in that she can't use Psychic and Teleport in a battle.

Trying For: Shinx and Ekans
Difficulty: Two Simple
Required Length: 10-20k
Actual Length: 25,218 w/ spaces, 20,576 w/out
Status: Finished!
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  #11  
Old 08-14-2007, 08:41 PM
Legendary Wolf Offline
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Default Re: Platinum: Sacred Flames

Well here comes a grade for you.

Introduction: Very nice, you introduced us to your charecter personality and such in the begginnig. This was very nicely done. So this is fine. :)

Plot: I enjoyed the overall plot with the Darkrai trying to punish mankind, very touching this part though seemed a little rush and there was not that much exitment, try to slow down on the plot and take your time, make sure that you include a bit more to this. This part had a more boring part then the one before, so just work on that and this is set to go.

Grammar/Spelling This was surprising as this was very good, I didn't see one mistake, but of course I could've missaw something, either way I don't have any critism for this part.

Detail This was good but in some parts you could've added a bit more, also to make your story a bit more make sure that you add some other details such as smell and and feel, with those extras it will make your story a whole lot better so make sure you add these aswell.

Length: The length was fine here so no complaints.

Overall: The story was very good so both The snake and little cat Captured!

I really enjoyed the story so make sure to write more ;). Sorry if this seemed the short by the way.
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  #12  
Old 08-14-2007, 08:49 PM
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Default Re: Platinum: Sacred Flames

Thanks for grading! ^^

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Rider View Post
Plot: I enjoyed the overall plot with the Darkrai trying to punish mankind, very touching this part though seemed a little rush and there was not that much exitment, try to slow down on the plot and take your time, make sure that you include a bit more to this. This part had a more boring part then the one before, so just work on that and this is set to go.
It was kinda boring because I was just explaining the basic plot so the grader didn't have to read the first part to understand what was happening. I'll try to mix that into the stary better with my next part, though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Rider
Grammar/Spelling This was surprising as this was very good, I didn't see one mistake, but of course I could've missaw something, either way I don't have any critism for this part.
Well, that's good! ^^ I generally check things over at least once before I post it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Rider
DetailThis was good but in some parts you could've added a bit more, also to make your story a bit more make sure that you add some other details such as smell and and feel, with those extras it will make your story a whole lot better so make sure you add these aswell.
I do have a tendency to focus more on what's being seen rather than heard, ect. I'll try to work on that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Rider
Overall: The story was very good so both The snake and little cat Captured!

I really enjoyed the story so make sure to write more ;). Sorry if this seemed the short by the way.
Thanks again! I'm just happy that it was graded. ^^ I'll write more soon.
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Old 10-22-2007, 10:09 PM
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Default Re: Platinum: Sacred Flames

Just so graders know, there's no scientific proof that the Healing Powder recipe would work, I just picked something that I could use to capture Nidorino with.

Platinum: Sacred Flames

Capture III: Nidorino

Chapter One- Better? Or Worse?

The town was cloaked in a blanket of darkness. Everything was quiet, or, at least, relatively so. Nearly everyone had retreated to the comfort of their homes to escape the night. The only people on the street were two children, crouching in the shadows of a dingy alley. One, a young boy with black hair and brown eyes, stood with a green bird on his shoulder. The bird itself was strange, with a round body that seemed too large compared to its tiny red and yellow wings. A majority of its feathers were bright green, with red talons, a small yellow beak, and a lone red feather sticking out of its head. Its eyes were blank, and seemed almost like they had been painted.

The other child was girl with long auburn hair, pulled up into a ponytail. Her large emerald eyes were wide, and her expression was one of both apprehension and hope. Cradled in her arms was a small blue form. About the size and shape of a small dog, it had four legs and a large head. Its skin lacked fur or hair of any kind, and had a smooth, rubbery feel to it. It was mostly a light blue, with a fin on top of its head and one in place of a tail. It had a large mouth and three orange whisker-like spines sticking out of each cheek. Now, however, it appeared to be asleep.

Both children were watching a pair of white bundles that squirmed, as if they were holding something alive. The larger of the two grew suddenly still, and disappeared with a ‘pop’, as if it had never been there. It wasn’t long before the second disappeared as well. Both kids heaved a sigh of relief, and then turned to grin at one another.

“Not bad, huh?” The boy, Dan, said confidently.

Don’t get cocky, Dan. The comment was a telepathic one, from the bird on Dan’s shoulder. The bird was actually a Pokemon, named Natu. He and Dan were one of the first Pokemon and human partnerships in over a hundred years, along with the girl, Jenna, and her partner, a Mudkip named Cyan. In reply to Natu’s comment, Dan just smiled.

“I’m not confident, I’m happy! I mean, we did it. All four of us, together.”

“Yeah,” Jenna said, more quietly. Though she, too, smiled, she couldn’t help but look down sadly at her partner. Both she and Dan, along with Natu and Cyan, had defeated two Pokemon, a Shinx and an Ekans, that were sent to the human world by the Legendary Darkrai to cause chaos. The dark-type was bitter over a war that had occurred between humans and Pokemon over a hundred years ago. It had caused all the Legendary Pokemon, a group of incredibly powerful and god-like Pokemon that Darkrai is a part of, to put the two races into their own separate worlds. Darkrai had always thought they had gone far too easy on the humans, and he was now pushing wild and destructive Pokemon through the border between the two worlds. Jenna, Dan, and their partners were chosen by the Legendaries Suicune and Ho-Oh to act in their stead and protect the human world.

However, in the fight that had taken place, Cyan had fainted from exhaustion, and had been poisoned, as well. Jenna desperately hoped that it would wear away soon.

Jenna’s eyes widened when Cyan began to stir in her arms.

“Cyan! Are you okay?”

Ugh… He replied drowsily. I feel sick. What happened?

“The Ekans poisoned you,” she explained softly. “It’s gone now, but-“

Well, that explains why I feel so awful, then… He groaned. Anyone got a spare Pecha berry?

“We don’t have those here,” Dan replied regretfully. “Natu, maybe you can…?”

Yes, I can go get one, Natu said quickly, understanding his partner’s question. I need to go and get another net, anyway. Be back soon. With a soft ‘pop’ of displaced air, he Teleported back to his own world. Dan was surprised to find that, already, he was starting to get used to Natu’s abilities, and his sudden disappearance when teleporting was getting less startling. Resigned to waiting for a while, Dan sat in the dirt next to Jenna. The older girl still held her sick partner, obviously worried about him. Realizing this, Dan decided to try and cheer her up.

“Hey, don’t worry,” he said with an encouraging grin. “You can count on Natu. He’ll do whatever he can to get a Pecha berry. He’ll be back soon.”

“Yeah,” she replied, though she didn’t sound as confident as Dan. The boy’s smile faltered, but then came back full strength.

“Anyway, while we wait, there’s something I’ve been wondering,” Dan went on, beginning to sound a little more serious. “Do you know of any others with Pokemon, like us?” Jenna remained silent for several seconds, almost acting as though she didn’t hear him. Dan was about to ask again when she finally answered.

“Yes, and no,” she finally said cryptically. “I haven’t met any others, but Suicune told me about a kid working with Darkrai somewhere in this area. At first, I wondered if it might be you.” She turned to stare at him for several seconds, as though still trying to convince herself that he wasn’t the chosen of Darkrai. She finally looked away and said, “I suppose not. I should have guessed. Why would the chosen of Darkrai have a psychic-type partner?” When she said it, Dan had to admit, it did seem a little absurd, but he didn’t say so.

“Well, you didn’t know,” he told her instead. “Maybe he was trying to throw you off. It was good that you were cautious.”

“Maybe,” she said, the small smile she had quickly fading. She sat quietly, as if debating telling him something else. Dan waited, not wanting to push her to speak if she didn’t want to.

“There’s… Something else, too,” she went on, catching Dan’s attention. “I’ve been with Cyan for about a week now, and we’ve fought a couple Pokemon, but not all that many. There’s been more Pokemon crossing over today than ever before. I think they may be coming faster, and may continue coming faster the longer we fight them. It… It almost seems like a losing battle. The more we defeat and send back, the more will take its place.” She sighed. “I’m sorry to burden you with my worries, but I just thought-“

“It’s okay.” Jenna lifted her head to look at Dan, surprised by his reaction. “I mean, we won’t be fighting forever,” he continued, doing his best to sound positive. “The Legendaries over there are trying to stop Darkrai, too. They’ll be the ones doing the most work, ya know? Our job is to just keep things calm on our side. And, well, if Suicune and Ho-Oh both chose kids to take their place, wouldn’t it make sense for the other Legendaries to choose one as well? We probably have lots of help! We just don’t know where they are.” Jenna watched him for several seconds, and then giggled.

“You know Dan, I think you’re right,” she said after she had calmed herself. “It’s not near as bad as I made it out to be. Things could always be worse.”

Dan was about to reply when Natu returned, with a white ball of Ariados net in one claw, and a tree branch with red leaves in the other.

“Hey, Natu,” he said instead. “Did you get the Pecha berry?”

No, unfortunately, the small bird replied regretfully. Pecha berries are out of season. But, I got the next best thing- the recipe for Healing Powder, a substance that uses natural ingredients to heal poisoning. But, the problem is, it’s hard to make. You need to grind up Tamato plant leaves covered in venom.
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  #14  
Old 10-22-2007, 10:19 PM
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Default Re: Platinum: Sacred Flames

Chapter Two- Waiting for a Foe

“What?!” Both Dan and Jenna said at once.

“That doesn’t even make sense!” Jenna continued, sounding shocked and confused. “Why would you use venom to cure venom?”

I don’t really understand it myself, Natu replied. My mother said it’s because the poison in Tamato leaves counteracts the poison in the venom. He held out the branch of Tamato leaves to Dan, who gingerly took them. They actually make an antidote when mixed together. All we really need is more venom, and we can heal Cyan.

“How are we supposed to get more, though? Neither of you are poison-types, nor know any poison-type move,” Dan pointed out.

We’ll just need to wait and hope for the best, Natu said with a sigh. With any luck, the next Pokemon to come may be a poison-type. Dan nodded, though it was obvious he wasn’t happy about the outcome. What would they do if two Pokemon appeared again? He and Natu alone wouldn’t be able to take them.

All three sat silent, wondering how things could have so suddenly changed around. Just little more than an hour ago, they just wanted to be rid of the Pokemon that were invading their world- now they desperately needed one to return.

“Natu and I need to get home,” Dan said finally. “My mom might be worrying already.”

“Yeah, my parents, too,” Jenna replied sadly. Dan could tell she was worried about Cyan, and he knew he’d feel the same way if it was Natu.

“Don’t worry, Jenna,” Dan said, trying to sound confident. “A poison-type is bound to show up soon, maybe even tomorrow. You said yourself that the Pokemon were coming more quickly. It’ll only be a matter of time. All we have to do is wait!” He grinned broadly, and his new friend couldn’t but smile back.

“Yeah. All we can do is wait.”

---

That night, though, Dan lay awake. No matter how hard he tried to sleep, thoughts of the day and worry for Cyan kept slumber at bay. Natu, at least, wasn’t kept awake by a troubled mind. Dan could hear his partner’s soft, twittering snores from his perch on Dan’s dresser.

With a sigh, Dan quietly climbed out of bed. He made his way down stairs, being careful not to make too much noise, and went into the kitchen. He’d heard before that warm milk made you sleepy, but it honestly didn’t sound too good. Dan didn’t much like room temperature milk, let alone warm milk. He was going to pour himself a glass of plain, cold milk when he heard another door upstairs open. Panicking, for he was sure that neither of his parents would approve of him being up this late, he quickly shut the door to the refrigerator and hid behind it, on the side where he couldn’t be seen from the doorway.

He was just in time, too. He heard heavy footsteps coming down the stairs and peeked around the corner of the refrigerator. A tall, dark figure was illuminated in the moonlight streaming in from the window in the foyer as they walked past the doorway. Dan only got a glimpse of the person, but that was all he needed. The question was, where was Nate going this late at night?

Dan shook his head as he heard the door open and close, smiling slightly. If his parents knew what Nate was doing, he wouldn’t be able to do anything for the rest of the year. So, while Dan was curious, he wasn’t going to say anything unless he had to. He kept the occurrence in the back of his mind, but quickly drank a glass of milk and went back to bed.

---

The next morning was an uneventful one. Dan wasn’t surprised to not see Nate when he went down for breakfast the next morning. He was still sleepy, to be truthful, and had only gotten up to ensure that he got something for Natu to eat.

His mother had left early that morning for her work as a caretaker at the local nursing home, so everyone was on their own for breakfast. Dan ate a bowl of cereal and snuck a piece of toast up to his room. Natu ate the bread eagerly as Dan made to lie down again.

Wait, Dan, weren’t we supposed to meet Jenna this morning? Natu asked, as he still ate his toast. Dan groaned tiredly.

“Yeah, yeah, I almost forgot,” he replied groggily. Rather than climbing back in bed, he grudgingly changed his clothes. When he was finished, he turned to Natu.

“Meet me outside?” Dan asked, beginning to sound a little more awake.

Of course. Dan left the room to let Natu finish his toast.

His father was gone by the time Dan got downstairs. His brother, though, was awake and eating cereal. For a split second, Dan considered questioning the teen about where he was going last night, but decided against it. Nate would just get defensive and say it was none of his business.

“Hey,” Dan said, stopping in the doorway of the kitchen. “I’m going to meet some friends at the park. I’ll be back later.”

“Whatever.” Dan just rolled his eyes. He wasn’t surprised by Nate’s disinterest in what he was doing.

As Dan stepped out into the warm sunlight outside, Natu appeared on his shoulder with a quiet ‘pop’.

Are we going back to the Psyduck pond? Dan couldn’t help but laugh. Natu still didn’t understand the difference between regular ducks and Psyducks.

“Not today. We’re going to a more secluded place, so no one will see you guys.” He was walking quickly now. It occurred to him as he spoke that they were probably more likely to be seen as they walked down the road than they were at the park, so he wanted to get there as quickly as possible. A sharp pain in his shoulder jolted him out of his thoughts. It was Natu, digging in his talons.

“Natu!” He gasped, surprised by the small bird’s strength. “What’s wrong?”

A Pokemon is crossing, was all his partner managed to say in reply. Dan stopped walking, ignoring the pain. Finally, Natu’s grip loosened.

“What was it?” Dan asked quickly. “Where is it?”

The park, I think, Natu replied quickly, and Dan started running. But, it’s a Nidorino! If we can knock it out, we can use the venom in its horn to make Healing Powder!“Yes!” He exclaimed happily, not worrying about who heard him, and started to run faster. They managed to make it to the park within a few minutes. Dan made his way to the place where he and Jenna were supposed to meet, in a small grove of trees. His excitement began to drain away when he heard a low call reverberating through the trees.

“Nidoooo…” Worry caused Dan to run faster. He finally came to their meeting point, and skidded to a halt.

There was Jenna, standing with Cyan still cradled in her arms. She looked determined and defiant, despite her position. She was backed up against a tree by a large purple creature.
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