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  #16  
Old 10-10-2007, 03:38 AM
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Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

Ryan Charcka Wiskerchen A.K.A. kentucky_fried_torchic....

You have a few minor spelling errors in the form, as well as some confusing sentences but on the whole I find it acceptable.

As far as the lack of a dark side goes though, you'll have to check on that with DreamWalker. The title of this role-play is Digimon Severance and the fact that your character will divide into an evil and a good version is very important to the plot. In my opinion you should be allowed to stick with RPing only one version, but as I've said before -

Quote:
Originally Posted by Exophi
I suppose it wouldn't be the end of the world if you were able to pick using either the good or bad aspects of your character. However, you wouldn't be able to deny that the other half of your persona still exists and could cause trouble for you later in the RP.
And you're not actually allowed to use <word> as filler to complete the four word rule... Fix up the tiny errors in spelling, try to make the run-ons a little clearer, and maybe try adding a bit of length. I'd like to accept you into Severance as soon as possible, but I'll wait for the head honcho of the RP to pass word on whether or not having only one half is acceptable.


(It helps to run your post through a program like Microsoft Word before posting in order to weed out small errors in spelling and grammar.)

Sakura Mikoshenta Kanasaki A.K.A Neo_Shadow_Guardian

I really liked your sign up. Though it was short, it was also well written and I didn't spot any errors while reading it that distracted me. The only noticeable thing in your writing is that you start most sentences with the word 'she'. This isn't really serious but can take away from some of the enjoyment the reader has due to the monotony.

Also, I like Gatomon.

In my opinion you should be accepted. As DreamWalker said though, you could use a bit more depth over the form (mostly in history). The fact that you described how she received her nickname was a nice detail, rather than just brand her without an explanation (as many new RPers do (not to say that you're new at this)). However, I do find it somewhat odd that her parents would place her in fighting and sword fighting classes. A brief explanation there would be appreciated.

Good luck! You just have to change it enough to please the oh-so-strict DreamWalker.

Eeveeking929

You're reserved. I hope you'll try to finish your sign-up quickly so I'll have something to write about for a while.
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Last edited by Exophi; 10-10-2007 at 04:14 AM.
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  #17  
Old 10-10-2007, 01:12 PM
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Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

Quote:
Originally Posted by Exophi View Post
Ryan Charcka Wiskerchen A.K.A. kentucky_fried_torchic....

You have a few minor spelling errors in the form, as well as some confusing sentences but on the whole I find it acceptable.

As far as the lack of a dark side goes though, you'll have to check on that with DreamWalker. The title of this role-play is Digimon Severance and the fact that your character will divide into an evil and a good version is very important to the plot. In my opinion you should be allowed to stick with RPing only one version, but as I've said before

And you're not actually allowed to use <word> as filler to complete the four word rule... Fix up the tiny errors in spelling, try to make the run-ons a little clearer, and maybe try adding a bit of length. I'd like to accept you into Severance as soon as possible, but I'll wait for the head honcho of the RP to pass word on whether or not having only one half is acceptable.


(It helps to run your post through a program like Microsoft Word before posting in order to weed out small errors in spelling and grammar.)
I ran it through the word and I'll send a PM to dreamwalker about my lack of a darkside. I mean, Common, what 8 year old has a darkside?
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  #18  
Old 10-11-2007, 12:03 AM
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Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

I edited my entry post. I hope that's enough.
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  #19  
Old 10-11-2007, 01:19 AM
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Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

Quote:
Originally Posted by kentucky_fried_torchic View Post
I ran it through the word and I'll send a PM to dreamwalker about my lack of a darkside. I mean, Common, what 8 year old has a darkside?
Quote:
Originally Posted by kentucky_fried_torchic
Ryan was always a crybaby. He is very close to his mom and his adoptive grandmother and will do anything to protect them. He is easily frightened, but, when he's not terrified or lonely, Ryan is very outgoing and will do anything to make someone happy. His youth makes him naive and easy to push around. He hates fighting and would rather have everyone be at peace with each other.
If it helps, I like to think of the dark side of my character as being a collection of all my bad traits. I don't plan on my evil half being any more evil than I can possibly be at my worst moment in reality. As you can see, I coloured the bad parts of Ryan red just to try and give you some ideas.

From the opinions I got from DreamWalker now, you're Accepted though.

The posts you're doing right now seem good for length, but it wouldn't hurt to add a little more to them if you can think of something. Unfortunately, DreamWalker hasn't put up any form of rules yet, even though everyone should know to follow the basics of PE2K.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Neo_Shadow_Guardian View Post
I edited my entry post. I hope that's enough.
Approved! Sorry I don't have as much to say about your character, she seems pretty stable and would already divide well.

Because I've being spying on most of the RPs around here (insert gasps) I know that you're posts recently haven't been very long. By making your post more than a couple sentances longer it'll really make it look like your serious about the RP. After all, writing an additional 2-3 sentances to what one already has shouldn't be too difficult.

DreamWalker and I are trying to decide when a good date to start this RP would be. We also want at least five people before we begin.
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  #20  
Old 10-11-2007, 01:41 AM
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Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

I'll edit to give Ryan an evil side in a bit
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  #21  
Old 10-11-2007, 04:07 AM
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Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

So far we're doing pretty well for activity in this thread... once Eeveeking929 manages to find the time to put in a sign-up form, we can begin.

It wouldn't hurt to have a few more people though.
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  #22  
Old 10-11-2007, 08:06 AM
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Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

Okay, a few new rules have been posted... pretty basic, you should all take a look. They're important, I guess :P
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  #23  
Old 10-11-2007, 11:18 AM
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Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

Reserve me a spot. Wait, don't. I'll get my signup ready NOW!!
Name: Ken'ichi 'Kai' Ryuten, Jr.
Age: 14
Appearance: Black wavy hair, grey eyes, light skin complexion. Attire: Black vest, black unbuttoned shirt, black jeans.
Personality: Kai is very to-the-point and is very impatient. He tries to stay away from the fact he is the only one to not totally be good. He thinks a situation over, but is ready to fight always. He's eager to test a skill out, whether it's skateboarding or a new Digivolution.
He's very ruthless against evil, and has a feeling of protectiveness towards all good Digimon.
Negative: Unlike his positive counterpart, YamiKai is patient, and once anything has served it's purpose, he destroys it. When his Digisoul ignites, he uses it to use his 'Hades Punch'. He thinks of Digimon as slaves and doesn't bother about Digimon at Adult level or less, but he is defeated by Devimon.
History: Kai was born to Ken'ichi and Mariko Ryuten in Tokyo, Japan. But in a plane crash, he, well - he got transferred to the Yoshi Orphanage. At the age of 10, he ran away, and had his first Digimon encounter when he fist-fought it out against a bully Black Pyocomon who evolved into a viral Agumon [Savers]. Agumon almost collapsed Kai, but he gained sudden strength as his D-Loader (that's what I think the digivice should be called) appeared in his hand.
That's when Babydmon arrived, giving him the strength to defeat Agumon, who acknowledged his defeat, but not Kai's strength, and ran off. Meanwhile, Babydmon informed Kai of everything.
Two weeks later, Kai met Babydmon once more. This time, Agumon had de-Digivolved and dark-Digivolved into Piyomon [Virus]. Babydmon evolved to Dracomon and managed to once again defeat Piyomon. But Piyomon summoned his friend, Minotarumon (Wikimon AND Wikipedia say there's an Adult level Minotarumon) who managed to give Dracomon a big bashing until Kai's D-Loader gave Dracomon strength equal to Minotarumon, deleting Minotarumon.
The next time, the D-Loader showed a hologram of Minotarumon attacking the Village of Beginnings. Kai discover the Gate Function which opens a DigiGate straight to the Village. There, he is split into two and Kai Yang mercilessly attacked Minotarumon, who defeated Dreadramon.
Digivice colors: Blue+White, Dark Blue+Black
Digimon Partner Appearance:
Positive
Petitmon
Acid Bubbles: He blows out powerful bubbles strong enough to knock over a Child level Digimon. Power Level: 5.
Babydmon
Hot Gas: He lets loose a blast of gas which surrounds him refreshing his energy and then uses the gas to blast a stream of weak fire. Power level: 2.
Dracomon
Baby Breath: He breathes a cloud of fire that freezes his enemy in place. Power Level: 7.
Jishurunen: He launches a barrage of fireballs, attempting to destroy his enemy. Power Level: 10.
Tail Smash: He attacks enemy, thrashing his tail wildly. Power Level: 5. Offensive.
Coredramon (Va.)
Blue Flare Breath: He summons the ancient power of Dragon Digimon and lets loose a mighty blast of turqoise fire. Power Level: 17.
Strike Bomber: He flaps his wings powerfully, launching a blast of air with invisible bullets. Power Level: 15.
Jishurunen II: He uses a superpowered version of the Jishurunen. Power Level: 17.
Wingdramon
Blaze Sonic Breath: He lets out a supersonic flame. Power Level: 24.
XFloat Sonic Lance: Flying high up, his hand erupts in fire and he blasts an illusion of firey claw, and then it becomes solid. Power Level: 24.
Wing Blast: He spreads his wings out and launches a fireball at his enemy. Power Level: 24.
Breakdramon
A blue version of Breakdramon.
Destroyed Rush: He smashes his head into the enemy. Power Level: 45.
Infinity Boring: He uses the drill on his back to bore through the enemy. Powet Level: 47.
Gravity Breath:He shoots a ripple through the air, gluing his enemy to the ground, and then slashes the enemy. Power Level: 47.
Negative
Chicchaimon
Little Wing - Spins and causes a minitornado. Power Level: 7.
Chibidramon
Foul Stinky Fart: He lets out a black version of Babydmon's Hot Gas. Power Level: 9.
Dreadramon
Forbidden Flames: He releases a blast of fire. Power Level: 12.
Hadedramon
Molten Bane: He opens a firey vortex in the sky and tosses his enemy in. Power Level: 20.
Metal Hadedramon
Molten Bane II: His claw shoots out and hits the enemy, who falls into a firey vortex. Power Level: 38.
Black Wargreymon-X
Evil Giga Force: He summons a black version of the Gaia Force and hurls it into the ground, creating a fire dragon which attacks the enemy. Power Level: 51.
Hades Force: Crossing his claws, he launches a firey 'X' towards his enemy. Power Level: 50.
Positive Partner's personality: Dracomon is a rough-n'-tough Digimon, who tries to keep up with Kai, but has a way of persuasion that always works. He's quite untalkative, and calls his partner 'Kai-san'.
Negative Partner's Personality: Dreadramon is the exact same as his counterpart, but much more violent. He calls the evil Kai (Kai Yang) 'Yang'.
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Last edited by GalladeMaster; 10-16-2007 at 06:23 AM.
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  #24  
Old 10-11-2007, 11:19 AM
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Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

Quote:
Originally Posted by UmbreonXYZ View Post
Reserve me a spot. Wait, don't. I'll get my signup ready NOW!!
Name: Ken'ichi 'Kai' Ryuten
Age: 14
Appearance: Black wavy hair, grey eyes, black vest, blue unbottoned shirt, jeans
Personality: Kai is very to-the-point and is very impatient. He tries to stay away from the fact he is the only one to not totally be good. He thinks a situation over, but is ready to fight always. He's eager to test a skill out, whether it's skateboarding or a new Digivolution.
History: Will be played out.
Digivice colors: Blue+White, Dark Blue+Black
Digimon Partner Appearance:
Positive
Petitmon
Acid Bubbles: He blows out powerful bubbles strong enough to knock over a Child level Digimon. Power Level: 5.
Babydmon
Hot Gas: He lets loose a blast of gas which surrounds him refreshing his energy and then uses the gas to blast a stream of weak fire. Power level: 2.
Dracomon
Baby Breath: He breathes a cloud of fire that freezes his enemy in place. Power Level: 7.
Jishurunen: He launches a barrage of fireballs, attempting to destroy his enemy. Power Level: 10.
Tail Smash: He attacks enemy, thrashing his tail wildly. Power Level: 5. Offensive.
Coredramon (Va.)
Blue Flare Breath: He summons the ancient power of Dragon Digimon and lets loose a mighty blast of turqoise fire. Power Level: 17.
Strike Bomber: He flaps his wings powerfully, launching a blast of air with invisible bullets. Power Level: 15.
Jishurunen II: He uses a superpowered version of the Jishurunen. Power Level: 17.
Wingdramon
Blaze Sonic Breath: He lets out a supersonic flame. Power Level: 24.
XFloat Sonic Lance: Flying high up, his hand erupts in fire and he blasts an illusion of firey claw, and then it becomes solid. Power Level: 24.
Wing Blast: He spreads his wings out and launches a fireball at his enemy. Power Level: 24.
Breakdramon
A blue version of Breakdramon.
Destroyed Rush: He smashes his head into the enemy. Power Level: 45.
Infinity Boring: He uses the drill on his back to bore through the enemy. Powet Level: 47.
Gravity Breath:He shoots a ripple through the air, gluing his enemy to the ground, and then slashes the enemy. Power Level: 47.
Negative
Chicchaimon
Little Wing - Spins and causes a minitornado. Power Level: 7.
Chibidramon
Foul Stinky Fart: He lets out a black version of Babydmon's Hot Gas. Power Level: 9.
Dreadramon
Forbidden Flames: He releases a blast of fire. Power Level: 12.
Hadedramon
Molten Bane: He opens a firey vortex in the sky and tosses his enemy in. Power Level: 20.
Metal Hadedramon
Molten Bane II: His claw shoots out and hits the enemy, who falls into a firey vortex. Power Level: 38.
Black Wargreymon-X
Evil Giga Force: He summons a black version of the Gaia Force and hurls it into the ground, creating a fire dragon which attacks the enemy. Power Level: 51.
Hades Force: Crossing his claws, he launches a firey 'X' towards his enemy. Power Level: 50.
Positive Partner's personality: Dracomon is a rough-n'-tough Digimon, who tries to keep up with Kai, but has a way of persuasion that always works. He's quite untalkative, and calls his partner 'Kai-san'.
Negative Partner's Personality: Dreadramon is the exact same as his counterpart, but much more violent. He calls the evil Kai (Kai Yang) 'Yang'.
Chicchaimon thru Ultimate form pictures later.
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  #25  
Old 10-11-2007, 01:27 PM
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Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

No double posting dude
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  #26  
Old 10-11-2007, 03:47 PM
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Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

Quote:
Originally Posted by UmbreonXYZ View Post
Reserve me a spot. Wait, don't. I'll get my signup ready NOW!!
Name: Ken'ichi 'Kai' Ryuten
Age: 14
Appearance: Black wavy hair, grey eyes, black vest, blue unbottoned shirt, jeans
Personality: Kai is very to-the-point and is very impatient. He tries to stay away from the fact he is the only one to not totally be good. He thinks a situation over, but is ready to fight always. He's eager to test a skill out, whether it's skateboarding or a new Digivolution.
History: Will be played out.
Digivice colors: Blue+White, Dark Blue+Black
Digimon Partner Appearance:
Positive
Petitmon
Acid Bubbles: He blows out powerful bubbles strong enough to knock over a Child level Digimon. Power Level: 5.
Babydmon
Hot Gas: He lets loose a blast of gas which surrounds him refreshing his energy and then uses the gas to blast a stream of weak fire. Power level: 2.
Dracomon
Baby Breath: He breathes a cloud of fire that freezes his enemy in place. Power Level: 7.
Jishurunen: He launches a barrage of fireballs, attempting to destroy his enemy. Power Level: 10.
Tail Smash: He attacks enemy, thrashing his tail wildly. Power Level: 5. Offensive.
Coredramon (Va.)
Blue Flare Breath: He summons the ancient power of Dragon Digimon and lets loose a mighty blast of turqoise fire. Power Level: 17.
Strike Bomber: He flaps his wings powerfully, launching a blast of air with invisible bullets. Power Level: 15.
Jishurunen II: He uses a superpowered version of the Jishurunen. Power Level: 17.
Wingdramon
Blaze Sonic Breath: He lets out a supersonic flame. Power Level: 24.
XFloat Sonic Lance: Flying high up, his hand erupts in fire and he blasts an illusion of firey claw, and then it becomes solid. Power Level: 24.
Wing Blast: He spreads his wings out and launches a fireball at his enemy. Power Level: 24.
Breakdramon
A blue version of Breakdramon.
Destroyed Rush: He smashes his head into the enemy. Power Level: 45.
Infinity Boring: He uses the drill on his back to bore through the enemy. Powet Level: 47.
Gravity Breath:He shoots a ripple through the air, gluing his enemy to the ground, and then slashes the enemy. Power Level: 47.
Negative
Chicchaimon
Little Wing - Spins and causes a minitornado. Power Level: 7.
Chibidramon
Foul Stinky Fart: He lets out a black version of Babydmon's Hot Gas. Power Level: 9.
Dreadramon
Forbidden Flames: He releases a blast of fire. Power Level: 12.
Hadedramon
Molten Bane: He opens a firey vortex in the sky and tosses his enemy in. Power Level: 20.
Metal Hadedramon
Molten Bane II: His claw shoots out and hits the enemy, who falls into a firey vortex. Power Level: 38.
Black Wargreymon-X
Evil Giga Force: He summons a black version of the Gaia Force and hurls it into the ground, creating a fire dragon which attacks the enemy. Power Level: 51.
Hades Force: Crossing his claws, he launches a firey 'X' towards his enemy. Power Level: 50.
Positive Partner's personality: Dracomon is a rough-n'-tough Digimon, who tries to keep up with Kai, but has a way of persuasion that always works. He's quite untalkative, and calls his partner 'Kai-san'.
Negative Partner's Personality: Dreadramon is the exact same as his counterpart, but much more violent. He calls the evil Kai (Kai Yang) 'Yang'.
This looks like a pretty good sign up... the point of having the History thing though is that we know what your character has been through already so we can sort of guess what to expect. It's not really fair to say that it will just be 'played out.'
A bit more detail in some of the areas would be greatly apprieciated, and yeah, try to keep away from that double posting... I've been chewed out too many times for it. :P
Other than that though, yeah reserved at the very least. A bit more detail would b egood.
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  #27  
Old 10-11-2007, 11:00 PM
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Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

What's power level mean? And don't use BlackWargreymon, even if he is an "x"
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  #28  
Old 10-11-2007, 11:25 PM
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Posts: 205
Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

Can you reserve me a good character. The digimon are:
Chibomon-DemiVeemon-Veemon-Veedramon-AeroVeedramon-Al-forceVeedramon-(I'll have Al-forceVeedramon future mode too if possible)

And the dark digimon:
Leafmon-Minomon-Wormon-Stingmon-Dinobeemon-Grankuwagamon
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  #29  
Old 10-12-2007, 12:57 AM
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Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

-Alone-

You are reserved for Veemon and Wormon for the next... oh I don't know, three days? That should be enough time to put together a sign-up.

UmbreonXYZ

I really feel as though your sign-up form could use a lot more. In terms of personality, appearance, and history. I realize some people prefer to reveal history throughout RPs but it would be nice if we knew at least a little bit about your character.

As with KFT, I really don't understand why you included power levels in your attack descriptions either. They make the attacks look like they're well... totally copied and pasted. I did the same thing with mine from wiki, it's just less obvious.
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  #30  
Old 10-12-2007, 06:20 AM
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Posts: 49
Default Re: SU - Digimon Severance

Quote:
Originally Posted by Exophi View Post
-Alone-

You are reserved for Veemon and Wormon for the next... oh I don't know, three days? That should be enough time to put together a sign-up.

UmbreonXYZ

I really feel as though your sign-up form could use a lot more. In terms of personality, appearance, and history. I realize some people prefer to reveal history throughout RPs but it would be nice if we knew at least a little bit about your character.

As with KFT, I really don't understand why you included power levels in your attack descriptions either. They make the attacks look like they're well... totally copied and pasted. I did the same thing with mine from wiki, it's just less obvious.
OK, OK. The power levels are just to describe the average energy used up.
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