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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 05-27-2008, 08:35 AM
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Default A Contest to Remember! {Story Deal!}

Pokémon: Ninjask {for Marth} ; Chinchou {For myself}
Amount of characters: 41,134
Amount of characters required: 30k-50k

~Chapter One~

“ARRRGH!”

Mark threw his backpack at the tree. It gave a satisfying SMACK as it made contact with the bark, and Mark was pretty sure his snack biscuits were all broken now. Impambo, his Ambipom, shrank away from him. Mark sighed and comforted the purple monkey. “Sorry about that” he said. “I’m just so angry!” Impambo cautiously used the two large hands on the end of its two tails to bounce onto Mark’s head. Impambo was an extraordinary Ambipom, mostly noticeable through the fact that the tail-fists were blue, instead of being a tan colour.

“Ambi, pom pom!” Impambo said, yawning. It was obviously tired from the battle it has just had with a ferocious Houndoom, a dog-like Pokémon that was known for its strong Fire type and Dark type attacks. Mark had attempted to catch it, but the Houndoom had overpowered Impambo. It ran away before Mark could even get an empty ball out of his pocket. Impambo was now snoozing away, so Mark unhitched Impambo’s Pokéball off of his belt and pointed it towards the Ambipom. In a flash of red light, Impambo disappeared off of Mark’s blonde hair. It was sticking up in random directions, just how Mark liked it. He put the red-and-white Pokéball back onto his belt and picked up his backpack, resting it on one shoulder. He was on his way to Hearthome City, because there was going to be a Pokémon contest that his friend was entering, and Mark’d promised that he’d cheer her on.

Well, he wasn’t prepared for what happened next.
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Old 05-27-2008, 08:35 AM
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Default Re: A Contest to Remember! {Story Deal!}

~Chapter Two~

Outside of Hearthome city, a girl of about 15 years old was commanding her Lopunny to do certain attacks.

“No, BunBun! We’ll only be able to win this contest if we make those attacks sparkle!” the girl, who’s name was Alice, told her Lopunny, BunBun. BunBun’s large rabbit-like ears drooped. Alice smiled. “Come on, don’t be sad. We’ll get it before tomorrow, I know we will!” she encouraged BunBun. The Lopunny’s ears flipped back up and she stood ready.

“Lo! Pun!” it cried.

“Come on then, BunBun! Use your Bounce attack!” Alice called. The brown and cream Normal type jumped high into the air. “Now use Magic Coat!” The Lopunny got surrounded by a vivid pink aura. “Now, Dizzy Punch the ground!” The Lopunny turned so her head was facing, and her body was perpendicular to, the ground. She outstretched her arms and fell, turning swiftly as she did so. Just before she hit the ground, Alice shouted “Splash, BunBun!” A wave of water splashed over the area as BunBun made contact with the ground. She flipped from that position to land on her feet, before raising her arms up into the air in a majestic fashion.

“Lo, lo! Punny!” she gleefully said, smiling. Alice ran up to her Pokémon and hugged it.

“That was great! There’s no doubt we’ll win tomorrow!” she said, grinning from ear to ear.

“I have full faith in you!” a voice said from behind a bush. Alice screamed as it surprised her, before recognising the voice.

“Mark!” she screamed. “Have you been spying on me?” Mark stepped out from his hiding place.

“Maybe” he said, mysteriously. “Maybe not”. Alice ran up to him and pretended to strangle him. Mark started fake choking, but couldn’t stop breaking into hysterics. Alice flicked her long, brown hair back and took Lopunny’s Pokéball out of her pocket.

“I swear, if I hadn’t known you since Year 1, I really would’ve killed you then” she told the boy who was rolling on the floor, laughing so much that he was crying. She pointed the red-and-white capsule at BunBun. “Ok, that was a good practise; return!” A red light shot out of the centre of the Pokéball and covered the bunny Pokémon. In the blink of an eye, it had disappeared. Alice put the Pokéball back into her pocket and turned back to Mark, who was starting to get up. She pushed him back down, which made him start laughing again.

“Stop it, you know if I start laughing, I can’t stop!” he said. He clutched his sides. “Ow, ow, ow… stitch! Make it stop!” he cried in gasps of laughter. Alice took pity on him and helped him up. He put his arms above his head, taking in deep breaths.

“I think you’ve gone through enough suffering now” Alice said, smiling. “So, what’d you think?”

“If that had been the first time of me seeing it, it would’ve been love at first sight” he said, bringing his arms down. Alice blushed.

“You’re such a sweetie” she said, giving Mark a little slap on the cheek.

“Oh, no, I was talking about BunBun” Mark told her. “Just kidding” he added hastily, seeing Alice’s hand raise, ready to make full contact with his face. She lowered it.

“Wise choice” she said. “Now, come on, they’re going to announce the people who have got through to the Appeal round” she told Mark. He looked confused.

“But isn’t the Appeal round the first round?” he asked. Alice nodded.

“Yes, but there was such a huge demand for the contest, and I mean HUGE, that they were going to randomly draw 100 people to participate” she explained. Mark shrugged, it not meaning much to him, and ran off after Alice.
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Old 05-27-2008, 08:36 AM
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Default Re: A Contest to Remember! {Story Deal!}

~Chapter Three~

When Mark and Alice arrived at the Contest Hall, it was packed. There were so many people that the hall was almost overflowing. Mark wondered how something so big could seem so small when it was overrun. He and Alice squirmed their way through the crowd just as a lady who Mark recognized as Nurse Joy stood onto a podium. She tapped her finger on the microphone to check it was on, and then adjusted it so that she would be heard clearly.

“Attention, everyone. Attention!” she said. Soon, the hall was quiet, every staring at the screen behind Joy. “Now, as you know, there was huge demand for this contest, so we are randomly picking 100 contestants. They will be revealed in alphabetical order. If bad luck befalls you, I urge you not to be downhearted, as we will be holding another Contest halfway through June. Now, if you’d all turn your attention to the screen behind me, we will reveal the people who have been selected.” Nurse Joy stepped to the side as the screen filled with 100 rectangles, all scrolling through various pictures of people. Slowly, one by one, they started to stop, leaving about a 5 second period between each one. Mark watched anxiously. Zoë Barneesh, Haley Barrington, Kyle Benn. Mark crossed his fingers and kept thinking ‘Alice Bucksy, Alice Bucksy, Alice Bucksy’. The next image was… Alice Bucksy! Mark wanted to cheer, but no-one else had, so he decided not to. Mark wasn’t paying much attention to the other contestants, until he watched the image reveal after “Joe Charles”. It was Mark himself. There was no mistaking the messy blonde hair and blue T-shirt he’d been wearing for three days straight. Mark hoped the name would be different, but it was right there, Mark Chate. He stared at Alice in disbelief. She was grinning.

“Just thought I’d see how well you can do in a Pokémon Contest. After all, you don’t have any Gym Badges, so maybe you could start collecting Ribbons” she told him.

The rest of the names went in a blur, and before Mark knew it, Nurse Joy was back onto the podium.

“Congratulations to all who have managed to make it to the first round. I wish you all luck. Would all the contestants please gather next to the door that says ‘PRIVATE’!” she said, her pink hair starting to sway in the wind that was being created by everyone moving about, some heading for the exit, some heading for the seats and some heading for the ‘PRIVATE’ door. Alice pulled a reluctant Mark to where the other contestants were, and her smile dropped at Mark’s face.

“Oh, come on! It’s not that bad, it’s actually quite fun! I’ve been in Contests before and, besides, if you weren’t competing you’d be sitting in that chair for most of the day. So, cheer up!” she encouraged him. Mark waited with the rest of the contestants and Joy unlocked the door and told them that they would be backstage. They could go into any of the room apart from the Stage Door. Mark and Alice went into Room 4c along with a boy who looked about 18 and a girl who looked like she really wanted to be somewhere else. The man was wearing a black T-shirt with a skull and crossbones on it, black trousers, and had piercings through his ears, nose and even one on his tongue. It gave the man a mini lisp as he spoke, but not one so that he couldn’t speak properly. He had large muscles that looked like they could break a log in half without breaking a sweat. The girl was wearing a red T-shirt and denim jeans. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail that bobbed about whenever she moved or talked.

The stay in the room felt like forever, before one of them was called out to perform. Alice and the other girl were the ones who went out, performing one after the other. Once the door was closed, the man got up from the chair he was sitting on and walked over to Mark.

“You really don’t want to be here, do you?” the man asked Mark. Mark stuttered.

“Well… I sort of… maybe…” he began.

“Don’t bother trying to hide it, I can tell” the man said. “My name’s Dean. What’s yours?”

“Mark Chate,” replied Mark. He was conscious of giving away his name to someone that looked like they could break him into little, tiny pieces without even trying. The man nodded, and then, quick as a flash, grabbed Mark’s collar and pinned him to the wall. Mark cried as a jolt of pain ran through his back.

“Listen here, you! This contest means a lot to me, and you’re going to help me win! I want you to crush everyone that comes near you and then deliberately lose to me in the final! If you don’t…” Dean made a gesture of him slitting his neck, a sign Mark knew wasn’t good. Slowly, Dean put Mark down. “Although, I’m never one to give someone a job without rewarding them” he said. “If you can get me to win, then I’ll give you one of my Pokémon”. Mark hesitated. He knew he shouldn’t make deals with strangers, but on the other hand, he needed another Pokémon on his team. Slowly, Mark extended his hand.

“Deal!” he said. Dean shook Mark’s hand as the audience cheered at one of the performers.

“Wow!” the female voice of a presenter squealed. “That’ll be a hard score to beat! Two tens and a nine! Has Alice ensured a place in the second round? Now, our next contestant, Amy Jones!” As the presenter stopped speaking, a man popped his head around the door.

“Ok, you two. You’re up next. Mark Chate will go first, then Dean Sullivan. Good luck!” he told them, ushering them to come out. Mark and Dean followed, and went through the Stage Door. They were watching from the side of the stage as Amy’s Blastoise finished with a Hydro Pump. The judges’ scores were 10, 8 and 9. Amy walked off and the presenter, in her bubbly voice, said “Our next contestant is Mark Chate!” Mark walked on and grabbed a Pokéball off of his belt.

“Alright, Meganium! Let’s work this!” he cried, throwing the ball into the air. It opened and a tall, green Pokémon with a flower around its neck appeared in a flash of blinding white light. It looked at the audience and immediately froze up in fear and confusion. “Sorry, Meganium… I’ll explain later!” Mark whispered. “But for now, use… uh… Razor Leaf into the air!” Meganium, obviously confused as to why it wasn’t attacking another Pokémon, reared onto its hind legs and shot an array of green, spiky leaves into the air. “Now also shoot a Magical Leaf!” More leaves shot out, but these were multicoloured.

“Ooooooh” the crowd said, someone starting to clap.

“Oh, I’m not finished yet!” Mark shouted. “Now use Reflect as they come down on you!” A white barrier covered Meganium as the leaves fell down. The green ones bounced off but Mark watched in horror as the multi-coloured ones fell through. The presenter gasped.

“That’s going to lose Mark some points! Let’s go to the judges and see what they have to say!” she announced. A short man in his forties was first to speak.

“I think that this was poorly organized, young man” he scolded Mark. “If you want to win a Contest, then you have to prepare!” Mark cringed with embarrassment. Next was another man, who looked Chinese. He stood up.

“I congratulate you in your quick-thinking, but as my fellow judge has already said, Contests are about preparation. If you don’t plan ahead, you won’t win” he told Mark. Finally, Nurse Joy stood.

“I think that your attacks have lost you points, but your Meganium’s cuteness has won us over!” she smiled. She sat down with the other judges as the presenter asked for the scores. The short man was first… five. Mark groaned. The Chinese man… five. Mark groaned again, this time even louder. He crossed his fingers, and hoped for the best. Nurse Joy… seven.

“Seventeen out of thirty! Mark will have to hope that our last three contestants our total flops if he wants to get through. Our third-to-last contestant is Dean Sullivan!” Mark walked backstage and Dean whispered to him as he passed.

“You better hope the next two ARE flops, Chate, or you know what’ll happen!” he threatened. Mark gulped and went back to the room, where Alice was waiting.

“Wow! You ARE bad! Only seventeen?” She and Amy laughed. Mark sighed and sat down, dreading the outcome of the Appeal stage.
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Old 05-27-2008, 08:36 AM
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Default Re: A Contest to Remember! {Story Deal!}

~Chapter Four~

Dean walked off from the stage, very proud of his twenty-seven. He was guaranteed into the battle round. As for that Mark boy… he had better hope that he didn’t have a girlfriend, or he’d be dumped because of his… makeover. But Dean wasn’t worried. He’d switched the last two contestants’ Pokémon with two of his own. Two that were guaranteed to get Mark into the Battle Stage.

“Wha-… where’s my Pokémon?” he heard someone cry. “I had a Pachirisu, not this… this… useless fish!”

Dean grinned. “Magikarp. It never ceases to fail you,” he muttered under his breath. He went into 4c and sat down. “Nice score, Alice. Have you been in Contests long?” he asked.

“Not really” the reply was. “I only have one ribbon.”

“A… unique performance by Henrietta and Magikarp! Let’s go to the judges!” the presenter said. “Ouch… only nine points. Bad luck, Henrietta! Next up, Kyle!” Dean awaited the cry.

“Hey! This ain’t my Pokémon!” a deep voice exclaimed.

“Another Magikarp?” The presenter sounded confused. “Well, they must be back in fashion. Show us what you’ve got, Kyle!”

Mark knew that the Magikarp weren’t coincidences, partly because he had full view of Dean’s mouth. A twisted grin. Mark managed to relax a bit, knowing he was through to the Battle Round. He imagined if he could actually start collecting ribbons.

‘Nah, I’m into Gym Battles more’ he thought.

“Time’s up, Kyle. Let’s hear the judges’ thoughts! Eleven? Tough break. But, it’s better than nothing!” the presenter said. “And that concludes the Appeal Round! The computer will now show us who has got through to the battle round, in no particular order!”

Four pairs of eyes turned to the T.V in the room. The computer was generating images of people. Amy’s picture was the first out of the four to appear.

“Yes!” she cheered. Next of the group to show was Alice.

“Oh yeah!” Alice smiled. The third was Dean.

“Of course,” boasted the man. Mark eagerly waited for his picture to show. There were three to go… two… one… his face didn’t appear.

“What?” Mark gasped, along with Alice. “But… I worked it out!”

Dean growled.

“Congratulations to all who have passed to the Battle Round! The computer will now pair you up” the presenter told the camera. Mark sulkily went out of the room; he hadn’t been too fussed about the contest until he’d found out it was quite fun. He walked over to a random door and leaned on the wall. He could hear voices inside.

“You’re sure he’s not in?” a voice that Mark didn’t recognise asked.

“Positive. The computer is beginning to pair the contestants as we speak, and he’s not there”. A voice that Mark swore he’d heard before. Both of the voices were male.

“Good. If that boy wins the contest, then he would have stopped Dean from getting his fifth ribbon!”

Mark’s heart skipped a beat. Dean? He listened harder.

“I just have one question, sir. Why not fix it so the boy gets through to the final round, then fix it so he loses?” the second voice asked. “And also, why only this boy? Don’t you see any of the others as a threat?”

“You dare question me?” the first voice roared. “Get out of my sight now!”

Mark gasped as he realised that one of the people was going to come out of the door. He went to run, but the door opened and out stepped the Chinese judge. When he saw Mark, the blood drained from his face.

“Master!” he yelled, running back into the room. Mark turned and started running down the corridor, only to suddenly be stopped by an Alakazam that appeared out of nowhere.

“Ala!” it cried, covering both itself and Mark in a blue aura.

“No!” Mark shouted, frozen by the glow that was emitting from his very self. “Help! Somebody! Anyone!” The blonde-haired boy watched helplessly, as his surroundings disappeared.
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Old 05-27-2008, 08:37 AM
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Default Re: A Contest to Remember! {Story Deal!}

~Chapter Five

“Mark?”

Alice’s voice rang through the corridors. People opened their doors as she walked past, shushing her because they were trying to concentrate. “Sorry, I’m looking for my friend” she apologised. ‘Where could he be?’ she wondered, hoping that he was alright. They’d announced that the computer had made a mistake, and that Mark Chate was through.

“You’re… looking for Mark Chate?”

Alice swivelled around. It was the Chinese Judge. He looked nervous, as if someone was about to pounce on him at any moment.

“Yes… I am” Alice confirmed, dusting her vivid pink dress down. She wanted to look as pretty as possible in front of the judges, to impress them more.

“Well… I think I can… but no, you wouldn’t… but maybe…” The man twirled his pencil moustache in anxiety.

“Maybe what?” Alice asked.

“I… can take you to your friend…” the man said. “Just follow me”. He beckoned her to come closer and guided her to a door. He opened a door, opposite where Mark Chate had been leaning not ten minutes ago, and while Alice walked in.

“Where is he?” she wondered.

“I’m sorry!” the judge said, sorrow in his voice. He slammed the door shut before Alice could react. She heard a faint ‘click’ as the door locked. Hammering her fists on the door, Alice started screaming for help. Outside, the man was close to tears. “Why is he making me do this?” he asked himself. “I’m meant to be impartial… not favour one contestant over another… I’m also confused as to why this Mark is such a threat… I can see why he wants me to capture the two girls…” He continued muttering to himself as he walked back to room 4c. He knocked.

“Come in” a female voice answered. The judge waited, his heart thumping. “I said come in!” the female voice exclaimed. Again, the Chinese man did nothing. He heard an impatient sigh and footsteps walking to the door. It opened and he said:

“I thought it dishonourable if I intruded, so I waited out here” he told the girl, Amy. “Now, if you could just come with me. I have something of utter importance I need to show the contestants, one by one”

“Umm… ok” Amy replied cautiously. She wasn’t sure if she trusted the man’s tone of voice, but followed anyway. She reached her hand into her pocket, ready for any surprise attacks. The man led her to a store cupboard.

“In here” he said. “Lays the ribbon. We let every contestant touch it before they battle. It brings them luck.”

“Ok, I’ll go in” Amy said. Suddenly, quick as a flash, she pulled out a pistol from her pocket. “But you go first” The man froze at the gun that was pointing towards him.

“No… I won’t…” he murmured. “I can’t let this happen! Run while you can, Amy, for he will find you! He doesn’t want you to know that I have captured Alice Bucksy and Mark Chate, and he is holding them-” He never managed to finish the last sentence, as he suddenly keeled over. Amy put her pistol back into her pocket and tried to find the poor man’s pulse. There was none. He was dead.

“Such a waste of a good man” a voice said sarcastically. Amy swivelled around, but no-one was there.

“I demand you show yourself!” she shouted, equipping her pistol again.

“Oh, and ruin my big finale at the Grand Festival? I don’t think so” the voice mocked her. “Instead, I shall have my assistant take you to someplace where you will be less of a… nuisance”

“Alaka!” a thin voice said behind her. Amy turned and fired her pistol straight into the body of an Alakazam. The orange and purple Pokémon cried out in pain and tried to Recover, without much luck. It fell next to the Chinese man, dead. Amy blew the smoke away from her gun and started searching for Mark and Alice, before it was too late.
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Old 05-27-2008, 08:37 AM
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Default Re: A Contest to Remember! {Story Deal!}

~Chapter Six

Mark was running out of ways to amuse himself. He was locked in some sort of cupboard that contained a mop, bucket and various other cleaning supplies. At first he’d put the mop on as a wig and then as a false beard, but that had got boring after a while. He wanted to release his Pokémon, but it would be too crowded to.

“Well… maybe I can just let one come out…” he muttered to himself. He reached for a random Pokéball and threw it into the air. A psychic Pokémon known as Gallade appeared, standing tall.

“Gal!” it said, waving its arms (that had a big resemblance to swords). Mark told it to stop, and it did.

“I just needed the company” he told Gallade. “I’ve been taken hostage, and I can’t think of a way out of this cupboard.”

Galled looked at its Master as if he were the stupidest human on Earth. Turning to face the door, the green and white Pokémon released a battle cry and slashed at the door. In no time at all, there were just little chunks were a door had previously been.

“Good thinking, Gallade! Return, for now!” Mark said, but Gallade dodged the beam. “What, you think I need protecting?” Mark asked. Gallade gave one reply: a nod. Mark sighed. “Fine” he said. They started creeping along the corridor, jumping whenever they heard a door open or a voice say something. They were just about to go into 4c when someone said “Freeze!” behind them. They turned and saw Amy, wielding a pistol and pointing it at them. Mark had never had a gun pointed his way and he hoped he never would again.

“Oh, Mark. It’s you. And your Gallade” she said, relieved. “I’ve been quite cautious lately… I think there’s something strange about this contest”. She lowered the gun. “Mark… look in through the keyhole and see if Dean’s in there” she told him. He did so, and Dean was.

“Yeah, he is” Mark said, before remembering what the weird voice he’d heard had said. “Apparently, Dean’s a valuable asset in this contest. I overheard the Chinese Judge and someone else talking about him. I’m a threat to Dean winning, even though I’ve never entered a contest in my life!”

“Hmm… a voice also said to me that he wouldn’t show himself before the Grand Festival. They must be working together… you go in and try to befriend Dean in some way” she told him.

“I alre- I mean, how?” he asked.

“I don’t know!” she exclaimed, before remembering they didn’t want Dean to hear them. “Talk about Contests, about Pokémon. Even make a deal with him about something if you have to!”

Mark gulped. “Uh, ok” he said, weakly. He pushed the door open and walked in. Dean was watching the Battle Round on T.V.

“Hey, good news Chate! You got through after all!” Dean said. “Apparently, the computer made some sort of error. Probably a hunk of junk if you ask me; always making errors”.

“Uh, yeah…” Mark said, not really paying attention. “I got through a hunk of junk…”

“Are you listening, dude? You got through the contest!” Dean said the last part slowly, as if trying to communicate with an idiot.

“Oh” Mark said, paying attention now. “Cool… I guess. So…” Mark tried to think of reasonable conversation. “How many ribbons have you got?”

“What’s it to ya?” Dean growled. Suddenly, he laughed. “Four, if you must know. I just need one more to enter the Grand Festival”

“That much I know” Mark said, attempting to make a joke. The receiver did not laugh. Mark gulped and pulled at his collar. “Is it hot in here or just me?” he asked. Suddenly, there was a loud bang from outside, like a pot hitting something, which made Mark jump.

“What the hell was that?” Dean exclaimed. He got up and strode towards the door, practically ripped it off its hinges and looked into the corridor. There was no-one there, which worried Mark.

‘Where’s Amy gone?’ he wondered.

“Nothing there, probably just someone tripping” Dean said. “By the way, you never asked who you’d been put against in the Battle Round”

Mark fretted. “Who?” he asked, hesitantly.

“That girl who was in here…” Dean said.

Mark gasped. “Alice?!”

“No, no… the other one!” Dean practically shouted.

“Oh… ok then” Mark said with relief. “At least I’m not going against Alice yet…”

“No, but if you both get through you will”. Dean laughed, handing Mark a piece of paper. It was a tournament board. Mark and Amy were connected, as were Alice and some other girl, and Dean and the girl who’d found out her Pokémon had been switched with Magikarp. Then, from that line, Mark could see that his battle and Alice’s battle were connected. He groaned.

“My dumb luck” he said. “By the way, where is Alice?”

Dean shrugged. “Dunno” he murmured. “Last I saw of her, she was looking for you!”

Mark’s blood ran cold. If Alice was out looking, and that voice was following everyone he knew…

“Alice is in danger!” Mark cried.
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Old 05-27-2008, 08:38 AM
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Default Re: A Contest to Remember! {Story Deal!}

~Chapter Seven~

Alice was crying. Tears streamed down her face. She was probably going to be locked in there forever, and no-one would ever find her and if they did, all they’d find would be a skeleton.

“Why was I so dumb to follow that man?” She gulped through tears. “Now I’m never going to see daylight, and I’ll never see my family… and I’ll never see Mark…” It had been clear as crystal since Year 1 that she’d liked him. More than just a friend. She could even hear him now, calling out her name.

“Alice… Alice… Alice…”

Wait… he WAS calling out her name. She ran to the door of the cramped room and started screaming.

“Mark! I’m in here! Mark!” she was bellowing at the top of her lungs, hoping he could hear. Suddenly, a vine wrapped around her mouth. She tried to scream, but she couldn’t make any sound.

“Good job, Tangrowth. That’ll stop her from interfering with our plans. It was quite unfortunate that Mark escaped, but I will not have a repeat performance, young lady!” a voice said to her. Alice couldn’t turn and see who it was, because of the vine. Slowly, she tried to reach for BunBun’s Pokéball. Another vine shot out at her hand, whipping it. She winced in pain, a red mark appearing.

“Alice! Shout if you can hear me!” Mark’s voice was calling.

“Such a shame he will never see you again…” the other voice mocked her. Alice had had enough. Swiftly, she bit the vine that was gagging her. It slithered away from her mouth, giving her enough time to scream “MARK!” The door suddenly started shuddering, as she realised Mark was trying to force his way in. There was a flash of white and suddenly, a Machamp stood next to her.

“Machamp! Hold that door steady!” the voice called, now angry. The grey Pokémon put out its four arms and pressed its body against the door.

“I think it’s locked… Gallade, help me out!” Mark said on the other side. The door now started breaking into little chunks. Alice saw the Machamp strain to keep the door closed, but finally gave in. Mark and Gallade managed to burst their way through. “Alright, game’s over! Stop this now!” Mark commanded angrily. The voice just laughed.

“I’m sure you’d like me to, but unfortunately, I can’t. No-one will stop me from commencing my plan, you hear me! No-one!”

“And our next contestants are Mark Chate and Amy Jones! Come on out here, you two!” Mark heard the presenter say.

“So, Mark… what’ll you do? Stay and battle me to rescue you’re girlfriend-”

“Hey!” Mark interrupted.

“-or leave her and get on with your battle?”

“I choose…” Mark hesitated. “Neither!” He grabbed Alice’s hand. “Teleport us, Gallade!” he shouted. They got covered in a blue aura, before zapping out of sight as Tangrowth and Machamp lunged for them. The voice growled.

“Clever, Mark… but you won’t get the better of me!”
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Old 05-27-2008, 08:38 AM
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Default Re: A Contest to Remember! {Story Deal!}

~Chapter Eight~

“I’m here!”

Mark ran onto the stage and, to his relief, saw Amy standing opposite him. She looked different, somehow, but Mark pushed it out of his mind.

“Are both of you ready?” the presenter asked. Both battlers nodded. “Then begin!”

“Alright, Meganium! Come on out!”

“Blastoise, it’s time!”

Two red-and-white capsules rose into the air. They clicked opened and two Pokémon appeared from them. Blastoise looked like a blue turtle with two hydro-cannons on its shell. Meganium had flowers protruding from its neck, and was green all over.

“This should be easy, Meganium,” whispered Mark to his Pokémon. “Grass have an advantage over Water types”

“Blastoise, use Bite!”

“Meganium, Reflect!”

Blastoise charged at Meganium, baring its fangs but Meganium, the quicker of the two, got the antennae on its head to light up purple, and suddenly a barrier was around it. The Bite still did some damage, but less than it would’ve done without the Reflect. The two bars showing on the screen (one under Mark’s picture, one under Amy’s) decreased a little bit; much to Mark’s surprise, though, Amy’s went down more. There was also a timer, counting down from five minutes.

“But… Blastoise didn’t take any damage!” he exclaimed.

Amy laughed, in a laugh that Mark wouldn’t have expected her to have. “Yeah, but this is a Contest battle, dummy!” That hurt Mark. “It also counts how you manage to respond to your opponent’s attacks. You score best if you use your opponent’s attacks against them” she explained, sounding like she was talking to a two-year-old. Mark got angry at that.

“Listen, Amy! I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you’re not the same you were ten minutes ago!” he shouted. “So I’m going to beat you to show you a lesson! Meganium, use Poisonpowder!”

Meganium shot a cloud of purple spores over to Blastoise from its flowers. The spores covered Blastoise and it tried to stop the poison kicking in; it failed. Amy’s bar went down more, and continued to do so throughout the battle.

“Blastoise, you piece of-” Amy started, but Mark didn’t hear the rest; he blocked his ears and the audience looked shocked.

“Excuse me, but could you kindly refrain from swearing? This is live, you know!” the presenter scolded.

“I’ll do what I want!” shouted Amy.

Blastoise strained as the poison weakened him some more.

“Now, Meganium, use Magical Leaf!” Mark commanded.

An array of multi-coloured leaves shot at the poor Water Type. They made contact, even when Blastoise tried to evade them. Amy’s bar went down to roughly half.

“Blastoise! Don’t let them beat you! Use Skull Bash!” Amy ordered.

Blastoise tucked its head, arms, legs and cannons inside its shell and started to power up.

“Meganium! Use this chance to power up a Solar Beam!” Mark shouted.

Meganium’s flowers started glowing bright white, charging up power to release upon Blastoise.

“Now!” both trainers commanded in unison. “Unleash your power!”

Blastoise shot its shell forward and Meganium opened its mouth, releasing a beam of energy. The beam halted Blastoise, and it dropped to the ground. Amy’s bar zipped all the way down to nothing.

“Incredible!” the presenter shouted amongst the scream of the crowd. “Newbie Mark Chate has taken down Amy Jones!”

Mark walked up to Amy. She looked like she’d just come out of a trance.
“Wh- where am I?” she stuttered.

“You’re in the battle arena, and I think you owe everyone watching an apology” Mark said angrily.

“Why?” Amy asked.

“You swore on live television, remember?” Mark prompted.

“No… last thing I remember is waiting outside 4c… then…” Amy gasped in realisation. “I got hypnotized by an Alakazam! But I killed it…”

“You KILLED it?!” Mark shouted in disbelief. All eyes in the arena turned to him.

“I mean I killed it earlier… he must have more than one…” Amy worked out. She walked over to the camera. “Everyone. I have a little something to say. This contest… is NOT SAFE!” she started screeching. “Everybody, get out of here now!”

“Not so fast!”

Dean had appeared on the stage. “Ninjask, use Double Team!”

Ninjask, a Pokémon that somewhat resembled a bee, suddenly duplicated, until there were at least fifteen Ninjask swooping around the arena. The crowd screamed, and all of them ran for the exits, until only Mark, Dean, Amy and Alice were left.

“So, Chate. It’s come to this” Dean mocked.

“I knew you weren’t here for the Contest from the second I met you, Dean!” Mark shouted.

Dean looked hurt, but it was hard to tell if he was being sarcastic or not. “On the contrary, Mark. I am – or at least, was – here for the Contest. But then you and your girlfriend had to ruin everything!”

Alice stood up from the position that she’d been sitting in ever since Gallade had teleported them. “Two things, Mister! One: Mark is NOT my boyfriend! Two: If you want to take your anger out on us, why not go against us in a double battle?” she challenged.

“Perfect plan!” a voice from out of nowhere said. All four people on the stage had heard it before. “I’ll be Dean’s partner!” Suddenly, there was a humanoid figure next to Dean. It stepped forward, and it was…

“Giovanni?” Mark gasped. “Didn’t some trainer wipe you out in the Kanto region?”

“Yes… that meddling Red did nothing for my reputation except shatter it… but now, I’m back, here in Sinnoh, and you three are going down!”

“Two!” Amy corrected. “These two challenged you, and, unlike you, we don’t fight dirty!”

“Fine, fine. It just means you’ll be easier to defeat. Now, what do you say to… one Pokémon per person?” Giovanni asked.

“I say bring it on!” Alice shouted, determination in her eyes. Mark had never seen Alice like this before… it was sort of… well, cute.

“For this battle, I choose Chinchou!” Giovanni said, throwing a Pokéball into the air. Alice couldn’t help laughing. Mark noticed this ball was different than usual – it had a black top half with a yellow ‘U’ on. Giovanni noticed Mark gazing at the ball in wonder. “If you must know, it’s an Ultra Ball. Higher chance of catching than a Pokéball, making it SO much more easier” he explained rudely.

“I use Ninjask!”

The Bug type’s copies disappeared, and the original hovered beside Dean, level with his head.

“I choose Electy!” Mark threw a Pokéball and out popped a big yellow Pokémon with black markings and antennae on its head.

“And I choose BunBun!” Alice threw a Pokéball as well and Lopunny came out.
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Old 05-27-2008, 08:38 AM
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Default Re: A Contest to Remember! {Story Deal!}

~Chapter Nine~

“Ninjask, start off with agility!”

“BunBun, Jump Kick on Chinchou!”

“Electy, use Fire Punch on Ninjask!”

“Chinchou! Hydro Pump Lopunny!”

Ninjask started off by zooming around, gaining speed every time it turned. BunBun ran and managed to get its foot to make contact with Chinchou. The Chinchou shrank back in pain. Electy kept its eyes on the bee Pokémon that was flying around and, when it got too near, let out a punch. The punch made contact and flames flickered around Electy’s hand. Chinchou opened its mouth and a huge gush of water raged out at the rabbit-like Pokémon, knocking it clean off of its feet.

“Electy, use Quick Attack to keep up with Ninjask!” Mark called.

The Electric-type started running around next to Ninjask, the Bug-type just a bit faster.

“Now, jump and grab onto it!”

Electy gave Mark a look that said “What? I’ll break its back!” but jumped on anyway. The Ninjask slowly lowered to the ground, unable to carry Electivire.

“Chinchou! Use Hydro Pump on Electivire now!”

Chinchou shot another torrent of water, but this one aimed at Electy. It made contact, and Electy was pushed sideways, off of Ninjask. Ninjask took off again.

“Use another Agility!” Dean commanded.

“Oh no you don’t! Quick Attack, BunBun!” Alice ordered.

BunBun ran at Ninjask before it took off and rammed into it. The ninja bug looked on its last legs.

“Now, use a Dizzy Punch!”

“Don’t let it KO you, Ninjask! X-scissor!” Dean shouted.

Ninjask flew into the air and aimed at BunBun. It dived down and slashed at BunBun, bringing two of its pointed legs down in an ‘X’.

“And again!”

Ninjask brought its legs down again in another ‘X’ shape.

“And one final one!”

Another ‘X’. BunBun almost fell to the floor, but kept its balance.

“Chinchou! Finish Lopunny off with Thunderbolt!” Giovanni smiled as he said it, knowing the Lopunny’s demise.

Mark, Alice and Amy watched in horror as a bolt of lightning crashed down on BunBun, knocking it out. Alice recalled it, then suddenly looked up.

“Electy, look out!” she screamed, pointing as Ninjask went to attack Electy with X-scissor.

“Fire Punch!” Mark called out.

Electy swerved, flames surrounding its hand and punched Ninjask just as it brought its arms down. Dean roared as Ninjask followed BunBun’s example. That left just Chinchou and Electy. “Ok, Electy… let’s do this!” Mark said. “Quick Attack to get behind Chinchou!”

Electy ran and sped up, jumping over Chinchou and landing right behind it. “Now use Low Kick!” Chinchou spun around just as Electy’s foot hit it. It flew through and landed by Mark’s foot.

“Chinchou! Stop messing around, use Confuse Ray!” Giovanni shouted, anger in his voice. The Chinchou hesitated. “I said NOW, you useless piece of s***” Giovanni roared. Chinchou shrank back and hit behind Mark’s leg.

“Hey!” Mark exclaimed angrily. “Don’t talk to your Pokémon like that!”

“Why?” Dean piped up. “It’s not like they have feelings. They only have feelings if they’ve gone to some soft trainer, kinda like YOU!”

“You couldn’t be any more wrong!” Amy joined in, spite in her voice. “Pokémon have feelings, killing machines or not. Treat them with love and care and you’ll get a lot more out of them! That’s why Alice and Mark have basically creamed you!”

“Insolent girl!” Giovanni shouted. “May I remind you that Lopunny was the first to fall? That clearly proves we are superior, even if my Chinchou is disobeying me!”

“It’s scared!” Alice screamed, wanting the war to stop. “It knows if it loses, then not only does it suffer the wounds from battle, it’ll most probably suffer the wounds from you beating it!”

Chinchou gave a meek nod.

“Stay out of this!” Giovanni practically spat the words out. That seemed to snap something in Chinchou’s mind.

“Chinchou!” it shouted, the two energy sockets on its antennae crackling.

“Oooh, aren’t we brave?” Dean and Giovanni laughed, mocking the Chinchou standing up for itself.

Amy got Mark’s attention. “Tell it to use Thunder!” she told him. Mark did just that, and the Chinchou released a bolt of energy so huge, it illuminated the whole stadium. The lightning zapped both Dean and Giovanni.

“Fine! But you haven’t heard the last of us!” Giovanni said. “You’re all going to rue the day that you stood in the way of my re-appearance at the Grand Festival. Especially you!” He pointed at Chinchou. “You’re going to pay dearly!” And with that, he and Dean were gone.
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Last edited by -Pichu Boy-; 05-28-2008 at 05:57 PM.
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Old 05-27-2008, 08:39 AM
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Default Re: A Contest to Remember! {Story Deal!}

~Chapter Ten~

“And Yanma is down for the count! Victory goes to this Contest’s winners, Alice Bucksy and her Lopunny, BunBun!”

The crowd cheered like mad. Alice walked up to Nurse Joy and was presented with the Hearthome ribbon. She held it up in the air as everyone clapped.

Meanwhile, Mark and Amy were waiting for Alice to come out of the Contest Hall.

“It was nice of you to throw the Contest for her, Mark” Amy said.

“I didn’t throw the Contest!” Mark protested.

“Oh really?” Amy asked. “Then why was the only move you called out ‘Aromatherapy’, even when Meganium didn’t have a status condition? Hmmm?”

Mark shrugged. “Ok, maybe I did… but she deserves it. I don’t really care about Contests, I’m going to work to get Gym Badges”

Amy stood up. “Well, I guess I’d better get going… things to do, and all that!” She laughed. It was at that moment that Mark thought he’d seen her somewhere before.

“Hey… wait a minute! Aren’t you La-” he called after her.

“Might be, Mark. But I do have a feeling we’re going to meet again” she shouted back, before disappearing over the horizon.

“Hey, Mark!”

Mark nearly jumped out of his skin. “Alice!”

“Hey, you did it to me!” his friend said. “Anyway, you’re looking at a proud owner of not one, but two ribbons!”

“Congrats, Alice” Mark said. There was an awkward silence between the two. “Well… I… best be going on with my adventure” Mark broke the silence. Suddenly, two Pokémon came up to him. It was the Ninjask and Chinchou from before.

“What are they doing here?” Alice asked. “Didn’t we drop them off at the Pokémon Center?”

Chinchou and Ninjask both nodded, and then tried to explain something. Alice and Mark didn’t know what it was, though, since Pokémon don’t speak any human languages.

“I think they want to come with you on your travels, Mark!” Alice smiled.

“Really?” he asked. Both of the Pokémon nodded. “Ok, then!” Mark reached into his pocket, but found only one empty Pokéball. “Aw man… I can only capture one of you…” he groaned.

They both looked sad, but suddenly Chinchou ran back into the Contest Hall. It soon came out, carrying a black-and-white ball with a yellow ‘U’ on top.

“Your Ultra Ball!” Alice realised. Chinchou nodded, and handed it to Mark. Mark took it and held one Pokéball in each hand.

“Pokéballs, go!” he shouted, throwing the Pokéball at Ninjask and the Ultra Ball at Chinchou. The hit, and zapped their respective Pokémon into the ball with a flash of red light. The balls fell to the ground and started wiggling, a red light shining in the centre of each ball. They both wiggled once… twice… and…
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Old 05-30-2008, 07:42 PM
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Default Re: A Contest to Remember! {Story Deal!}

Marth forced me with his mod powers. :O

(Nah, he actually asked nicely xP)

Plot: So Mark goes to Hearthrome to cheer his friend, Alice, in a contest only to find out he’s entering himself. There, he meets Dean who forces Mark to help him win. As things go on, one of the judges is locking up the contestants, Mark and Alice included. When Mark escapes and meets up with Amy, another contestant, and then meets up with Dean. After that, he searches for Alice and finds her with the a mysterious figure. After they escape, the mysterious figure, Giovanni, and Dean meet up with Mark and Alice and battle them. Later, when the two villains disappear, their Ninjask and Chinchou meet up with them and let Mark capture them.

This was certainly a good plot. I’ve never graded a story that had to do with a Contest, in fact, I think I’ve seen two URPG stories that had to do with a Pokemon Contest, one of them mine. XP The plot twists you put in there made the story interesting like the judge partaking in this sinister plot though not knowing exactly why and Amy not being who we thought at first. All in all, this a pretty good plot.

I do suggest, though, that you put more emphasis on the smaller details like: how did the judge die and how did he entangled in this mess, why was Amy here in the first place (since you mentioned it didn’t seem she didn’t want to be in the contest), what exactly were Giovanni’s and Dean’s intentions? When you explain these details further, it makes the story more realistic and interesting, so make sure you do that from now on. ;)

Introduction: This was good. You told us about Mark and where he was going and what he was doing beforehand. Despite the fact that you told us a bit about his Aipom’s apperance, you didn’t describe Mark nor his surroundings. He could have been battling on top of a mountain, in the middle of a route, or in forest for all I know. Mark could be ten feet tall with a red ponytail or a dwarf with raven hair. Don’t forget to describe the main character and his surroundings as best as you can while still telling us what he is doing.

Grammar/Spelling: This was pretty good for the most part. No big mistakes stood out at me except for maybe one:

Quote:
“Sorry about that,” he said.
Whenever you don’t end your dialogue with a question mark or an exclamation point, it needs to end with a comma like how I corrected above.

Other than that, you had minor mistakes like:

Quote:
“Lo, lo! Punny!” she gleefully said, smiling. Alice ran up to her Pokémon and hugged it.
You sometimes put a Pokemon as “she” or “he”, and then you sometimes switched to “it”. You need to stay with either he/she or it, you can’t switch from one to the other.

Quote:
The Lopunny turned so her head was facing, and her body was perpendicular to, the ground.
You don’t need the comma.

Quote:
The stay in the room felt like forever, before one of them was called out to perform.
Sometimes some of your words were present tense, make sure they stay in past tense.

Quote:
The grey Pokémon put out its four arms and pressed its body against the door.
I don’t understand what you are saying. D=

Just make sure you proofread your story a bit more carefully, fix that comma/dialogue situation I mentioned, and your grammar should be virtually spotless.

Length: No problems here, right in the middle. ^.^

Description/Detail: This was pretty good (I seem to be stuck with this phrase). I could what was going on including the actions and expressions of people and Pokemon. You do, however, need to describe your human and Pokemon characters better; the description of Amy and Dean were spot on, make all of your descriptions like that. This also includes Pokemon, make sure you describe them more in detail; you sometimes described the Pokemon with a few words, but sometimes you neglected to describe them at all. Your surroundings need a lot more description because I couldn’t picture them at all.

Other than that, incorporate more of your senses in addition to sight; how did the stadium smell like after Meganium came in, did the collision of the Solarbeam and Skull Bash create a noise so loud and deafening, it sounded like a sonic boom? Adding more description like that can make your story a lot more vivid.

Also, don’t be afraid to describe less important things like the new ribbon Alice won, room 4c, etc.

Battle: It seemed a tad short, I think Chinchou should have been hit with maybe one or two more attacks. Just elaborate more on the attacks, add more description to them. Don’t forget to incorporate the surroundings as well, you can do a lot of things by using what the Pokemon have around them (ex. Chinchou could have hidden on the stands, drawn power from the electric sockets on the wall, etc). Also, make sure both Pokemon you are going for get hit with enough attacks, so it doesn’t seem like they weren’t even battled.

Outcome: Despite the grammar/dialogue mistakes and the lack of description with the surroundings, this was an overall good story with an interesting plot and characters. Honestly, it was a bit borderline because of the battle, but I came to the conclusion that: Chinchou and Ninjask captured! Make sure you work on the things I told you about so that a grader doesn’t have to think about the outcome much x3: fill in the finer details of the plot, proofread just a it better, description should be stronger for characters, surroundings, and attacks, and make sure your battles have more description and that all Pokemon are equally active in the battle (both are equally harmed, both equally release attacks, etc). Other than that, hope you and Marth enjoy your Pokemon! ^.^

- Kat
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  #12  
Old 05-31-2008, 08:02 AM
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Default Re: A Contest to Remember! {Story Deal!}

Woot! ^^

That's all I really have to say xD

And I realise the mistakes now... stupid, stupid, stupid.

I just have a correction to your correction (I have a habit of making sure I get everything right) >.<

When you said about all verbs being in the past tense, I realise I must've made that mistake in other places, but weirdly, for the sentence you put as an example, I was actually describing stay as a noun... if that's possible... the verb in that clause was 'felt'.

Oh well, I got less mistakes than my previous story! GO ME! xP
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