Member List
Calendar
F.A.Q.
Search
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  
 

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #76  
Old 02-18-2009, 07:15 AM
Gem N Ems's Avatar
Gem N Ems Offline
Kage no Hikari.
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: In my own world.
Posts: 6,807
Send a message via AIM to Gem N Ems Send a message via MSN to Gem N Ems Send a message via Skype™ to Gem N Ems
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - Like tota-ly, it's chapter three!

Oh! I can't believe I missed that! xD

Thanks for catching it, Scy. ^^
__________________

Team StormRiders is BACK. Read it here!
.......................--> art duo with: Xanthe | bff: k_pop |
Links
  #77  
Old 02-18-2009, 07:15 AM
Graceful_Suicune's Avatar
Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Ashley's pants
Posts: 4,886
Send a message via AIM to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Yahoo to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Skype™ to Graceful_Suicune
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - Like tota-ly, it's chapter three!

I looked at the thread. I'll go read it properly later. x3
:D Ahh, so that's why you don't capitalise "Pokemon" or Pokemon names. x3 I thought that that would probably be the reason, but I reckon they're capitalised because most people (in games x3) use their species as their names, rather than giving them actual names. x3
But yeah. I don't blame ya. ^^ Except I, myself, probably could never not capitalise either, because it would be against my rules. xD

~Xanthe.
__________________
Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.
  #78  
Old 02-18-2009, 07:21 AM
Scytherwolf's Avatar
Scytherwolf Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Hiding from metal coats...
Posts: 6,989
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - Like tota-ly, it's chapter three!

Ok thanks! I'm excited to see what you think!

And yeah, I always find that weird but of course I capitalize when the species name is the pokémon's actual name...but not when it's not said as a name because it's just confusing xD

And you're welcome Gem!
__________________

Thanks to Lunar Latias for the banner and Kirimori for the picture!

-My Links-
  #79  
Old 02-18-2009, 10:45 AM
Graceful_Suicune's Avatar
Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Ashley's pants
Posts: 4,886
Send a message via AIM to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Yahoo to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Skype™ to Graceful_Suicune
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - Like tota-ly, it's chapter three!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Ok thanks! I'm excited to see what you think!

And yeah, I always find that weird but of course I capitalize when the species name is the pokémon's actual name...but not when it's not said as a name because it's just confusing xD

And you're welcome Gem!
xD I getcha. I think the Pokemon creators just wanted to be different. xD Pokemon names are also not supposed to ever have an "s" on the end. Like deer, fish, sheep and moose. Never an 's'. x3 (Well, according to Wiki, you can use "fishes" when you're talking about a bunch of different types of fish.) xD Trust me to know all this!

~Xanthe.
__________________
Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.
  #80  
Old 02-18-2009, 04:46 PM
Scytherwolf's Avatar
Scytherwolf Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Hiding from metal coats...
Posts: 6,989
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - Like tota-ly, it's chapter three!

Yeah, I know about that too. In my story I say the plural for a species the way it is in the game (scyther instead of scythers) but outside my story I'd much rather say "scythers". It sounds better. x3

So..that's how I always say it in the character chat. I never say "pokémons" though...that just sounds wierd. o.o
__________________

Thanks to Lunar Latias for the banner and Kirimori for the picture!

-My Links-
  #81  
Old 02-18-2009, 05:29 PM
Sheepat's Avatar
Sheepat Offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Sheep Land
Posts: 1,544
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - Like tota-ly, it's chapter three!

I haven't really read this, but I think i'll sign up.


GUEST STAR FORM: (Only one guest star per member, please.)
Name: Twiddle
Pokémon species: (No Starters, anymore Eeveelutions or Legendaries, please! And you may have to change your Pokemon if there's already one in the story. ^^;) Buneary
Gender: male
Age: (You don't have to give a specific age. This is a rough estimate, and it is the equivalent to human years. They won't physically be that age.) two months (Actually an average for Buneary
Any added features: Many scars from his adventures from home, and defending it from the Eterna Warren
History and past: (Make sure to include their family if they have any) Twiddle's parents had been killed by a Team Rocket member, and he lived with his sister for weeks, when the Celestic Warren, his home, was attacked by a rival warren. The Buneary nearly died. his entire home was destroyed by man, and he later received scars from a Beedrill.
Personality: Wanting to start a new warren, Twiddle is fun-loving, and doesn't prefer battles.
Likes/dislikes:
Likes - holes, cover, and friends
Dislikes - enemys, fighting.
Fears: The Lopunny that nearly killed him, Devileye
Level: (Cannot be higher than 15 for kids, no higher than 28 for young adults, and no higher than 50 for adults. No elders please. x3) 10
Attacks: (Yes, you may have up to7/8) Bounce, Dizzy Punch, scratch
Alliance: (Good, evil or neutral) good
Anything I'm missing: None


Here:
http://i480.photobucket.com/albums/r...redTwiddle.png

Better get reading!
__________________
Once known as riolu42
  #82  
Old 02-18-2009, 08:06 PM
Graceful_Suicune's Avatar
Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Ashley's pants
Posts: 4,886
Send a message via AIM to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Yahoo to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Skype™ to Graceful_Suicune
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - Like tota-ly, it's chapter three!

@Scy: Haha, people who say: "Pokemons"...well, they would be considered n00bs. It's just weird, man. xD

Oh yeah, I forgot to put of the guest star form that I don't want any guest stars unless you've read the story. xD (Fair trade?) I'll put this one on hold, and when you've read it I can accept him. ^^
Thanks for taking a look, anyhow!

~Xanthe.
__________________
Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.
  #83  
Old 02-18-2009, 09:30 PM
Sheepat's Avatar
Sheepat Offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Sheep Land
Posts: 1,544
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - Like tota-ly, it's chapter three!

All I need is Chapter 1, and i'm done!

___Edit___

I finished all the chapters!

Also, if the story spans three months, please have Twiddle evolve.

Twiddle, as you know, is in my Fan Fic.
__________________
Once known as riolu42

Last edited by riolu42; 02-18-2009 at 10:18 PM.
  #84  
Old 02-19-2009, 04:35 AM
Graceful_Suicune's Avatar
Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Ashley's pants
Posts: 4,886
Send a message via AIM to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Yahoo to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Skype™ to Graceful_Suicune
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - Like tota-ly, it's chapter three!

Quote:
Originally Posted by riolu42 View Post
All I need is Chapter 1, and i'm done!

___Edit___

I finished all the chapters!

Also, if the story spans three months, please have Twiddle evolve.

Twiddle, as you know, is in my Fan Fic.
Thanks for tuning in! :D

And alright, sure. x3

~Xanthe.
__________________
Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.
  #85  
Old 02-19-2009, 11:21 PM
Pokol DaErran's Avatar
Pokol DaErran Offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: To the Batcave!
Posts: 1,288
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - Like tota-ly, it's chapter three!

Meh, I think I'll submit a character.

GUEST STAR FORM:
Name: Pokol Da'Erran
Pokémon species: Raichu
Gender: Male
Age: 17 (in Human years. Roughly young adult for Raichus.)
Any added features: Pokol has two dark red stripes through each cheek, and wears a belt with a belt buckle shaped like a bomb.
History and past: Nobody quite knows who or what Pokol is. He popped out of nowhere and suddenly made a name for himself by busting several criminal societies, two sleepover parties, and a retirement home. He proved to be an unstoppable force; his level was high enough that almost nobody could defeat him, and even when faced by those who had the power, any Poke Balls thrown at him after he was weakened simply bounced off of him, allowing the Raichu to make his escape. He remains at large.
Personality: Pokol is self-described as "slightly removed from society." If you got a second opinion, it would almost always be "completely insane". He has no regard for the machine of society as a whole and prefers to travel the world, beating up people whose activities he disapproves of and causing lots of explosions. He's always ready with a wisecrack, no matter what the situation.
Likes/dislikes:
Likes - Explosions, things that explode, Pokemon that know Explosion, adventuring, freedom.
Dislikes - Pokemon that have the Damp ability, things that don't explode, rules, people he deems to be evil.
Fears - None. (Of course, this trait usually hurts him more than it helps him. X3)
Level: 48. (I think you've read my fanfic. Pokol does the sort of stuff that happens in it practically every day, and roughs it in those that he doesn't, so it would be hard not to be a high level. :P)
Attacks: Quick Attack, Brick Break, Focus Punch, Focus Blast, Rock Smash, Feint, Fling, Facade (Pokol's been getting into the TMs lately. XD)
Alliance: Pokol likes to think of himself as good, but he'll do whatever he thinks is right, so I guess it's Neutral. :P
Anything I'm missing: As the history suggests, even a Master Ball will unfailingly be unable to capture Pokol. This may be due to some sort of special quality he picked up...

So, what do you think? Hopefully it's not too godmodded... XD
__________________
98% of teens won't post irritating religious fads in their signatures. If you're in that 98%, please continue to do nothing.

  #86  
Old 02-20-2009, 06:06 AM
Graceful_Suicune's Avatar
Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Ashley's pants
Posts: 4,886
Send a message via AIM to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Yahoo to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Skype™ to Graceful_Suicune
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - Like tota-ly, it's chapter three!

YAY I get Pokol in my story! LOL! It's like a lot of characters from other stories coming together! xD
Nah, he's good. It's nice to have a lot of description and character. :3

CHAPTER FOUR WILL BE UP SOON. I WILL EDIT THIS POST. WHY AM I STILL WRITING IN CAPITALS?!

~Xanthe.

EDIT: Here it is! :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Chapter Four: The Capture



As I opened my eyes and awoke, I was surprised to find myself alive. All of the drama that had occurred in the water had almost wiped me out permanently—or so I thought.

The wet tuft of fur laid upon my head sagged in front of my face and into my eyes. My tail drooped with sogginess, and the rest of my fur was pressed firmly against my skin, giving me a cold chill and making me feel uncomfortable. I stood up and shook off, sending droplets of water spraying all over the place and causing my fur to puff up. I felt rather ridiculous, but I’d rather feel and look that way than be...wet.

My eyes scanned the area. ‘Wait a sec... I’m not in water.’ How had I possibly have washed up there? I looked out into the water which was only a few metres away. Had someone saved me? I had no idea... But glancing over both shoulders, I developed another question: where was that armaldo?

Disregarding this for a second, I weakly scrambled away from the water’s edge to observe my surroundings. I had no clue where I was...or how I came to be there. In front of me was a large tree with thick, light grey bark. There were wood grains covering the tree which made it appear as if someone had spent days carving them all in. It was quite a scene. Even something so small managed to catch my attention and hold it for so long. But what mattered to me now was something else. Something of high importance and meaning to me.

Frantically I whizzed around, no longer facing the tree, alarming myself with a sudden thought.

I had no idea where Izante was.

Had she been the one to save me? If so, where did she disappear to? It bothered me that I was unaware of the beast’s location, either. It had dragged me under the water and tried to drown me. The memories were all too clear, and when it dawned on me that the two pokémon were both missing, I came to the conclusion that Izante may be the armaldo’s prisoner now that I was not within reach. But there were pieces of the puzzle missing. Why would he have wanted to capture either of us? Did he want to save me from something? Did he want to drown me? Perhaps he was doing somebody’s dirty work for them. Pokémon were used like that too often. It could have been very possible.

Trying to think my way into the answer, I sat down to ponder further. But before I was going to collect the missing pieces so I could glue them back together again, I had to do something. First things first. I needed to find Izante and the armaldo. If they were together, who knows what would happen—and where they could be. ‘Maybe Izante is fighting him right now,’ I thought with concern. “And I should be the one to save her!” I declared, deciding for myself. Maybe it wasn’t the best way to go about things for me, but I wanted to know that she was alright. I also wanted to make sure that that rotten pokémon wasn’t attempting to chew her up and spit her out. Or worse—swallow her! “Izante!” I called out into the early morning. I figured it would be the best way to allow her to hear me. However, as I repeated her name several times, I received no reply—from her, anyway.

All of a sudden, a tiny, squeaky voice made me jump. It said something that alarmed me, and then again. “Oi! Some of us normal pokémon are tryin’ to sleep, you know!” someone ranted. I could tell she was someone very angry just by her tone. I spun around, facing the tree once again. What I hadn’t noticed before was a small gaping hole at its base. And out of it had scurried a small figure. She had a squirrel-like while body that was probably quite agile. Her tiny blue ears twitched with annoyance when she spoke, and the single tooth that stuck out of her mouth was frustratingly distracting. Her large tail was probably mostly fluff, as it seemed not to weigh her down at all.

“Sorry,” I sighed, looking about, “I need to fi—”

“Yeah, yeah! I don’t care about your stupid personal life. Just shut your trap so we can sleep!” she huffed as she growled in anger and exhaustion. What that rude pachirisu had just yelled at me made me frown. I just turned away, not interested in a lecture. I had no time for such petty nonsense. If I was going to look for Izante, I would have to make haste. We needed to get back to our masters. I knew they would be upset if they awoke to find us missing. And if they attempted to search for us, they could end up in the same position as me!

“Hey!” that same annoying voice interrupted. I rolled my eyes, and my face grew a furry frown once again. “Did you even hear what I said? Flareon?!” Impatience filled the tiny Electric pokémon’s voice as I ignored her once again.

“Would you shut up?” I exclaimed, turning back around after I received no reply. Instead, the electric squirrel pokémon puffed her chest...and she started again. As the pachirisu’s ranting began once more, my nose twitched with aggravation. I swung my head around again, so I was up close to her face. “Are you asking to be fried?!” I hissed, feeling the spit slip through my gritted teeth and onto the pokémon in front of me.

She seemed to be offended, and huffed, her chest large and puffy. “Don’t you speak to me li—” started the pest, but was abruptly cut off by the stream of fire I released.

She jumped back, both shocked and upset about the humiliation. She choked for a second, but got back on track. The little pokémon bounded her way back into her hole with a furrowed brow. And at that I snorted. “Looks to me like she could have used that,” I murmured, rolling my eyes. “Pesky brat.”

Ahh! Let me go!” a voice protested. But not just any voice—a voice I would recognise from kilometres away.

“Izante,” I whispered. “Izante!” My fluffy body took off towards the distressful cries just moments away. Into the bushes I flew, determined to seek her out. “I’m coming!” I called. Whilst my paws swept beneath my body, I sneered, imagining how hot I could make the flames that would swallow the armaldo. I burst through a bunch of leaves that scratched at and brushed against me. One tickled my ear on the way past, making it flicker.

I landed with a soft thud on the earth covered with forest floor underlay. In doing so, I attracted a great pokémon’s attention, as well as a familiar friend’s. The armaldo stood high, metres in front of me, with Izante hauled over his shoulders to face over his back, rather than having the same view as her pokénapper. The large pokémon was clenching her tightly, and it was clear that he had the experience to be able to control her movement. Noticeably, Izante could not set herself free, and was very possibly injured.

“Woah,” I mumbled, a little shocked at what I was seeing. My friend lifted her head, managing to see over her shoulder and past the armaldo. She was in an awkward position, and probably found it difficult to turn and face me because of it.

“Dusty?!” she exclaimed, obviously not expecting to see me. “Get away! It’ll come after you!” The leafeon sounded urgent and bothered—because she was!

“I’m not leaving you!” I answered, scoffing. It was true, and I was sick of untrustworthy pokémon. It was time to right some wrongs before it was too late! “Alright, you overgrown fossil—you’re goin’ down!” My body sprung forwards, aimed at my friend’s captor. I saw a type of fury and determination within the armaldo’s eyes which frightened me. However, it didn’t distract me, nor did it contribute to the fact that the armaldo counter-attacked my leap with his heavy tail, which slammed into my belly. I felt the pain spread, and I was physically sent flying metres away from my best friend. I had become completely winded; the oxygen was knocked clean out of me.

As I slammed onto the stony ground, I could not breathe, and I was beginning to relive my memories in the water. Luckily it didn’t last for more than five seconds, and in no time, I had regained the strength to hold my position on my four paws. Although I was already beginning to run out of energy, due to the small amount of time I was allowed to recover from my scene in the water, I still had the will to fight. “Take...this!” I called viciously to the armaldo, spewing up poison after feeling a toxic bubbling inside. The purple poison swallowed my foe, almost causing him to drop Izante. He managed to hold his grip, but the pokémon also seemed somewhat affected by the attack.

Unexpectedly my foe charged up, looking as if he was building power, and summoned small, jiggered rocks to swarm around him. He took off towards me, preparing something big. I watched in awe as the rocks flew along with armaldo as he charged at me, Izante still in place over his shoulder.

A scream was coming from the leafeon’s mouth as well as some confused words as she was taken with the armaldo to attack me. And from then it all happened too fast. With great power, my enemy and I collided, the rocks brutally injuring me as the main attack.
I had never experienced an ancientpower attack...until then.

***

I was carried to a campsite by the armaldo. Izante and I both were. All around us were people wearing black uniforms and most of them were followed by a cream coloured cat-like pokémon with coiling tails that were half brown—like their hind paws. Several of them were transporting cages – which held pokémon for some reason – and dumped them into openings in machines on wheels, whereas others were shifting different containers of various sizes. Many more were standing around, guarding the exits with solid and heavy weapons that required two hands to support.

The dirt appeared infertile and unnaturally mixed with muck, and there was countless packaging scattered around both the ground and caught in bushes. It was a foul sight, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I was to pick out not one wild pokémon.

The armaldo had dropped Izante and had put her with a female human who appeared to interrogate her with the help of her meowth. However, I was left upon his shoulder, facing the way he was facing, for another minute or two before another human approached. In the meantime I tried to make out what the woman was saying to my leafeon friend, and right before I was released I noticed an older looking man approached her and mumbled something to the female human. Izante was then led – or forced – away with them both.

As the leafeon disappeared from my view, I was carelessly tossed across the bumpy ground, scuffing my thin coat of fur and jingling my chingling bell a few times over. I landed at the feet of a suspicious human male who sneered at me. The human wore a black cloth covering his front, and other black material around his hind legs. A black rounded piece of cloth also fitted his head. On the designed piece of cloth that stretched across torso, there was a dark pink logo which looked like one of the human race’s markings that they use to write with.

The man was thinly built and didn’t appear at all pleasant. There was a particular feeling about him; a bad one. A grouchy expression was printed on his bare face, but he also looked almost happy to see me in front of him...defenceless, vulnerable, and without my master.

Then I realised something. I gasped, witnessing the human grin darkly in response. The familiar scent, the recurring expressions, the suspicious feeling... I knew I recognised it! This was the man whose pokémon Izante and I battled hours before!

The human was suddenly called by one of his colleagues, so he quickly walked away, standing only a few metres from me. I felt adrenaline begin to flare up as I thought I would have a chance at escape, but before I let myself take off, a female meowth that was accompanying the man blocked my way. Her greasy grin was discomforting as the whiskers on her face twitched. In between two whiskers on the top of her head was a golden, oval-shaped coin that shined in the dim, man-made light surrounding. Her large eyes were not very friendly-looking, each with pupils like slits.

She laughed, and I assumed she read my actions. “Y’ think you can escape?” she questioned, speaking in the humans’ language. Master used the same dialect, so it was easy for me to understand—but it was a surprise to hear her using it.

I had heard a rumour a while ago about a particular group of meowth. Ever since there was a first one to speak English, some humans (which I now presumed to be the ones wearing black clothes) discovered that the cat pokémon were capable of learning it. In time, they managed to breed an entirely different race of meowth which were trained to speak only human, which I didn’t understand the use of until recent minutes. They were translators.

But not only had these people trained their meowth to speak human, but also to stand on their hind legs at all times—except when sitting or sleeping. The majority of meowth I had both met and battled with had walked on all-fours. To see so many of these pokémon at once like this seemed strange—not to mention cruel. It was unnatural and just proved how selfish certain groups of humans could be...

I snapped out of my thoughts as the Normal type glanced over her shoulder, and it struck me then to try to make a break for it—or to at least find Izante. So, with the assistance of my quick attack, I dashed past the pokémon and left behind a slightly dazed scratch cat pokémon. The screech she emitted alerted a collection of humans and other pokémon, and I noticed frantic glances settling upon me as captured pokémon noticed my attempt at freedom.

However, just as I spotted Izante – who was, for some reason, eating from a bowl provided by a nearby female human behind one of their vehicles – I was apprehended. I barely had time to register what had happened as I felt a heavy body pinning me down and growling in my ears. I fought to find Izante again with my eyes, but the leafeon was gone and only the bowl and the human remained, leaving me considerably confused.

In no time at all I had been brought back to where I was previously where Roarake’s ‘trainer’ and his meowth were, as well as a number of new humans and their pokémon—probably to ensure I didn’t try to escape again.

“Well, well, well! It’s the flareon from the battle,” the horrid man began, and I was thrown to the ground by the pokémon who had caught me. I stood up and shook off, baring my fangs at all the surrounding figures. “Your ignorance got the better of you! You thought you could escape?” He let out a cruel laugh and signalled for the extra guards to return to where they had been. “We haven’t had one of your kind before. You should be honoured,” the man told me in human language.

In response I sprung backwards to be away from him. I spread my legs apart, lowering my head and growling deeply. That wretched armaldo stomped behind me, obstructing my backwards exit. However...I wouldn’t try to escape again. The beast had worn me out from the beating I received from him earlier, and the attempt I made only moments ago had been futile and tiring. Besides, it would mean leaving Izante to deal with everything herself. I simply did not have the energy, or even the will for that matter. My exits were sealed and there were far too many guards...

The human male just smirked, raising his head with a frown and a heartless smile. His meowth snarled, teasing me with the swaying of her body and jiggle of her tail. “Team Rocket rules!” she mouthed to me.

“You will be loyal to us!” snapped the human, attempting to intimidate me while spraying me with his spit. “Team Rocket officially owns you from now on!” Next to him, the Rocket’s meowth stood with a satisfied look on her face.

I blinked it utter disgust. ‘Who does he think he is?!’ my mind roared at me. I grew hot, wanting to fry him. It wasn’t fair to do this! I felt furious! I spat at the jerk, my saliva splattering on his left foot which was shrouded with another human material. “I’m loyal to nobody but my master! I’d never give respect to a low-life like you!” I hissed, wishing the human could understand.

I saw the meowth chuckle, and shifted my angry gaze to her. “Uh-oh, you’re in f’r it now!”

“Meowth! What did it say?!” grunted the Rocket man impatiently. His soulless eyes left mine and met those of his meowth’s. His female pokémon snorted, and her whiskers twitched.

“You ain’t gonna like dis, boss! Dis little fire-fox here says dat she ain’t loyal to nobody ‘cept her master.” Meowth snickered, blowing through her nose afterward in a miniature laugh. She looked as if she wanted to see me suffer the consequences. I growled back at her. “She also says dat she ain’t payin’ no respect to a low-life like y’self. Not dat ya are one or anytin’.”

The Team Rocket human glared at me, his face looking ugly with frustration. I winced slightly as he streaked the back of a furless paw across my face. To be verbally harassed by a human was one thing, but being beat by one was another...even just a mere slap! As well as being humiliating, it was wrong. I immediately felt how Roarake must have felt...

I listened to the meowth’s rotten cackle while my head stayed in the position it had been forced into by the slap. I tried contemplating my decisions, but nothing came to mind. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t believe my situation. It was so...insane. I could only glower with hateful emotion as I felt myself unable to attack due to known consequences.

I had officially been captured...and there was nothing in my power that I could do about it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~

Geez, it always takes me so long to edit everything! xD
__________________
Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.

Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 04-25-2010 at 05:58 AM.
  #87  
Old 02-20-2009, 08:21 AM
Scytherwolf's Avatar
Scytherwolf Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Hiding from metal coats...
Posts: 6,989
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - The wait is no more--here's chapter four!

Another good chapter! First, I'll show the mistakes I found:

Quote:
Pokémon were used like that too often, but it could have been very possible.
This sounds kind of weird...did you mean to put 'weren't' instead of 'were', or 'and' instead of 'but'?

Quote:
I span around, facing the tree once again.
Spun


Those were the only ones I saw^^ I'm starting to think that what Roarake meant when he talked to Dusty before was that, if she had lost the battle, Team Rocket might have considered her too weak and not tried to capture her, and that's why he kept fighting. But I might be wrong xD

I thought the meowth idea was interesting-that's a neat idea to have pokémon trained to talk in Team Rocket, and from the way the meowth was acting, I'm guessing that the meowth are treated better than their other pokémon?

I'm also glad that Dusty couldn't just fight her way out-it's much more interesting to see what will happen after she gets captured.

*waits patiently for the next chapter*
__________________

Thanks to Lunar Latias for the banner and Kirimori for the picture!

-My Links-
  #88  
Old 02-20-2009, 08:36 AM
Trainer17's Avatar
Trainer17 Offline
Shōrai no Kaizoku-ō
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: New World
Posts: 6,354
Send a message via AIM to Trainer17 Send a message via MSN to Trainer17 Send a message via Skype™ to Trainer17
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - The wait is no more--here's chapter four!

Sorry that I am so uber late, Xanthe. But as I promised, here is my guest star.

GUEST STAR FORM:
Name: Raitei aka Rai
Pokémon species: Lucario
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Any added features: He wears a cool scarf across his neck, and his right eye has a scar. Something like "Scar" from the Lion King XP
History and past: Once a strong and a passionate leader of an Elite Pokemon Team called, "The Pathfinders". They went by one sole goal or mission. Protect the weak, and disintegrate evil. With him as a leader, his followers were 3 others. Milotic, the water maiden, Charizard, the flying fire dragon and Gallade, the master swordsman. He disbanded and left the team a long time ago, for some unknown reasons. But his team members however, think that he abandoned them and don't have a clue why he did so. His sworn enemy, Weavile however, has brainwashed his teammates and made them his allies and intends to manipulate them for his own good. His first priority now, is to get rid of Raitei.
Personality: Raitei is a sole Pokemon. He prefers no companionship during his long, arduous travels, despite that he had a team ages ago. Neither does he trust anyone that easily nor does he wish to harm those with a pure heart. He has a tough fighting spirit, which allows him to stand up, each time he falls. Likewise, he doesn't give in that easily.
Likes/dislikes:
Likes - His Teammates, although they have turned against him now, he believes that with true friendship, he'll earn them back. His move, Aura Sphere. Apart from his deadly move, "Titan Storm", this is one other move he uses almost every time, and it never misses its target.
Dislikes - Weavile and his followers, Bad Pokemon, and of course, Evil.
Fears: Nothing. He blasts almost anything that comes through his way, with an Aura Sphere.
Level: 27
Attacks:
-Aura Sphere
-Swords Dance
-Endure
-Earthquake
-Dark Pulse
-Dragon Pulse
-Extremespeed
-Foresight

Alliance: Evil/Neutral + Goodish.
Anything I'm missing: He has one special move, that can almost decimate anything. But, he only uses it in dire times. It's called "Titan Storm".

I'm not done with this yet, and Raitei is just a fluke name. Since I told you to make up a name for him. I'm going out for a while, catch you later, Xanthe!
__________________
URPG l ASB l VPP

Paired with Jaye l My Family l Wifi League
  #89  
Old 02-20-2009, 08:43 AM
Gem N Ems's Avatar
Gem N Ems Offline
Kage no Hikari.
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: In my own world.
Posts: 6,807
Send a message via AIM to Gem N Ems Send a message via MSN to Gem N Ems Send a message via Skype™ to Gem N Ems
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - The wait is no more--here's chapter four!

Typos again! ^^'

Quote:
I span around, facing the tree once again
Should be 'spun'.

Quote:
which made it look cuter that what it already was
I think that's meant to be 'than'.

Quote:
I rolled my eyes, and my face grew a furry frown once again,did you even hear what I said? Flareon?!”
I think this sentence would be better with the period instead of the comma and a capital D to start the next sentence.

Quote:
“Looks to me like he could have used that.” I chucked under my breath.
'Chuckled', right?

Quote:
“Izante.” I whispered, “Izante!”
I think you should swap the period and the comma around.

Quote:
spewing up poison after feeling a toxic bubbling inside
Either that toxic should have a capital 'T', or you can remove the a.

Quote:
Her face supported six whiskers, each pointy and long
Is that meant to be like that, or do you mean 'sported'?

Quote:
That retched Armaldo stomped behind me, blocking my exit
Need's a 'w', Xanthe. Wretched.

I blinked it utter disgust
'in'.

Quote:
I saw the Meowth chuckle, and shifted me angry gaze to her
Should be 'my'.

Now that that's cleared up, sweet chapter again, sis! ^^

It's really bad that Dusty and Izante are captured, and by Rocket's nonetheless! Though I can't say I didn't see it coming. ^^ Roarake warned them about it.

Also, I liked the idea about the Meowth. How they can all stand and talk english if trained. I bet that would make it really easy for the Rocket's now, and bad for Pokemon like Dusty. D=

So I wonder where you're gonna go with this now. Good job. =]
__________________

Team StormRiders is BACK. Read it here!
.......................--> art duo with: Xanthe | bff: k_pop |
Links
  #90  
Old 02-20-2009, 11:26 AM
Graceful_Suicune's Avatar
Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Ashley's pants
Posts: 4,886
Send a message via AIM to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Yahoo to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Skype™ to Graceful_Suicune
Default Re: Through The Eyes Of A Flareon - The wait is no more--here's chapter four!

Scy: Thanks for the corrections, and, you smart little one--you're really catching on! x3
And about the sentence that was weird, I originally had it as "and", but I changed it to "but" because Dusty was supposed to be saying that it was bad, and saying "and" seemed, to me, to be a bit agreeing or something. I dunno. But I think I'll leave that one. ^^;;
And thanks! I thought it might be something to add. Poor Meowth. D:

Sam: Okay, cool character. Although, I might not have a very big part for him. And unfortunately I can't include his teammates or Weavile. :O
Thanks. But did you like the chapter? :O

Gem: Aww. v_v I appreciate the corrections and stuff, but it's a little disappointing that I went through the chapter and failed to spot them myself. x3 I guess my eyes see what they want to see, rather than seeing the mistakes. :3
Thanks! :D Yeah, Dusty and Izante aren't gonna like the next few chapters...

Thank you again, my loyal readers, for tuning in. :3
By the way, I have plans to try and draw different scenes or something or characters every now and again. I have Dusty and Izante up on the front page, but the Izante was actually just a random Leafeon I drew one time...but I was too lazy to draw one that was specifically of her, and she looks like any other Leafeon anyways. xD

~Xanthe.
__________________
Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.
Closed Thread


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:09 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: AlienSector.com