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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

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Old 02-21-2009, 05:42 PM
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Black Hawk Offline
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Default Lucid Dreams

Lucid Dreams

“Life sucks!” shouted Andy.

Andy was a tall boy in his junior year of high school. He was largely misunderstood. He hung his head out of the bus window and let the wind calmly caress his triangle-shaped curly hairdo.

Andy was the smartest kid in his school. He was two years ahead in school for his age, meaning he was a fifteen year-old junior. He was well known around his school because of the prestigious scholarships he was offered, but he longed to get a girlfriend.

Andy was riding home from his Catholic high school on a Thursday afternoon. He lounged alone in the back of the bus, repulsing from the brown leather seats that smelled of old milk. His African American bus driver hummed along to some hip rap song while everyone else remaining in the bus exchanged phone numbers, made out, or played Magic: The Gathering. Andy was secretly a world champion at Magic, a card game, but he didn’t want to reveal it to anybody lest it make them ridicule him more.

He stretched his long muscular legs out across the seat aisle and was met by a curt shout from his bus driver, “Dawg, man! Wut da hell you be smokin’, man? You ain’t doin’ nothin’ like dat on my bus, n****. Put chyo feet in front of your own seat, boiiii.”

“Sho thang, dawg,” responded Andy in his best “African American” voice.

He leaned back onto his seat and stared out the window at the cars rushing by. The wind ruffled his gray shirt that had an Elmo picture on it underlined by a caption that read: “Tickle This.”

Andy thought he was way cooler than he really was so he wore humorous shirts like such. He wore matching red basketball shorts that nicely complimented his red backpack. He wore ankle height black socks along with his black Nike Overplays.

Some kids mistakenly thought that Andy was all nerd. He was in fact very athletic to match his smarts. He played starting centerfield on the school baseball team and batted second. On the basketball team, he played starting shooting guard.

Andy thought many girls at his school were hot, and this made him thoroughly love school because every day, he woke up happy to ogle girls all day. There was a particularly pretty cheerleader that he had his eye out for, though.

She was relatively short and had blonde hair which was usually straightened but looked perfectly nice if curly. She had braces but that was dismissible as he got lost in her azure eyes every time he stared at her.

He shook himself out of his trance as his bus driver shouted, “Yo, Andy, dawg, yo stop boiii.”

Andy stole a quick glance at his watch as he got out of his seat and noted the time at three thirty-four and twenty seconds. He sprinted off the bus and landed in a grassy area in front of his house as the bus drove away.

Andy glanced at his watch and saw that thirty seconds has passed. He hefted his backpack and trudged across his conglomerate-rock driveway and up the front steps to his scarlet front door. He opened the door quickly and smiled as the well oiled door hinges rendered the opening absolutely silent. He had the next day off of school.

He crept into his house and threw his books and bags down in a pile by the stairs to his room. He walked into the kitchen and sat down at the island on a bar stool. He booted up his Compaq laptop and went to go make a large glass of strawberry milk. Andy used to be short, but after complaining to his short mother, she bought calcium and vitamin D pills for Andy, and after he began drinking milk regularly, he grew one foot in four months.

He sat down on the velvet dull green barstool cushion and leaned over the granite counter to the laptop. He clicked on his administrator account and logged in with his secret pass word. He went to his desktop and loaded up FireFox. The boy went to the Google toolbar at the upper left hand of his mom’s preset MSN homepage and typed in pe2k. The search results came up, and he went to the forum section.

He logged in to his account, JizzInMyPants, named after his popular Youtube hit/comedy rap song Jizz in my Pants. He trolled his way down the boards, making fun of numerous noobs in the wi-fi section and telling the gay metal-heads who disliked his music in the Mixed/Other boards to grow a pair and get a life. After a good half hour of trolling, he finally made it to the reason why he was at pe2k, The URPG boards.

He clicked on the forum battles section to see how his battles were going. He saw that the magnificent referee Ataro had finished refereeing a particularly long battle between his Magby and another’s Houndour.

Andy chuckled, “That Ataro. Always reffin’ and what not.”

He clicked on a battle between a noob and one of his best URPG friends, SuperSmashBrawl. He saw that SSB had restarted his URPG stats and just berated the noob that he didn’t get any “virtual jewgold” because the battle hadn’t started yet.

“Oh, crap,” mumbled Andy to himself, “I got to do my story deal with Adam. He’s going to be wanting that Pokémon bad soon.”

A story deal was something in the URPG where one member writes a story for another who is too lazy to write themselves for a selected Pokémon from the mart or from the customer’s stats.

Andy quickly brought up his Microsoft Word program and stared blankly at the page for twenty minutes before giving up and logging on to his AOL Instant Messenger account, JizzyPants. He chatted with his URPG friends for an hour before he logged off to go do his Calculus homework.

He worked his way through the problems and once finished, turned on Nickelodeon to watch the new SpongeBob episodes. As he watched, he sipped a large cup of strawberry milk and played with his fingers, seemingly counting how many he had.

The boy walked up to go back to the fridge for more strawberry syrup during a commercial break and noticed a post-it note on the fridge that read: “Andrew, Dad and I are out on a short golf trip, be back in two days, Love, Mom.”

He stared at his feet for awhile, as if he were checking to see if they were still there.

He sighed and thought about viewing adult photos on the internet for awhile, but thought against it because his Catholic ideals taught that what he had in mind was immoral. He went back to watch SpongeBob and to calmly sip his milk.

At eight o’clock, he went to the microwave to prepare himself a Red Baron brand pepperoni French bread pizza. He calmly munched on the pizza as he trolled more noobs on the pe2k boards.

Andy went back to the couch and wiped his greasy meat fingers on the flowered upholstery. He took out his cell phone and began texting his friends, organizing a gathering for his birthday the following day. He turned off his phone and walked up stairs to his house’s second floor which contained two guess bedrooms, a bathroom, and his bedroom. He walked into his elementary school classroom-sized room and closed the door. He walked over to his mahogany dresser and snatched his limited edition Surf Blue Gameboy Advance SP. He plopped down on his old He-Man sheets and flicked on the power.

He plugged his nose and attempted to breath without opening his mouth, but was disappointed to see that he couldn’t.

As he observed his Emerald Version boot up, he felt a tinge of nostalgia. He tossed the green cartridge against the wall and walked over to a blue bin, where after a few minutes of fumbling around, he removed a two inch yellow square cartridge with a picture of a small yellow mouse with red circle marks on its cheeks. The mouse had brown horizontal stripes across its back, a lightning bolt-shaped, brown-striped tail, and it sparked with electricity from its cheeks. He smiled as he gazed at the Pikachu mascot of his prized Yellow Version.

He trotted back down to his brown wood frame bed and plopped on the memory foam mattress. The boy stuck the large cartridge into the foldable blue gaming system. The game jutted out from the bottom as if it didn’t belong in the system.

He flicked on the power and watched Pikachu run closer and closer to the screen before exclaiming, “PIKA!”

Andy smiled as he moved the cursor to start a new game. He went through a tedious conversation with a pixilated Professor Oak. In that conversation, he was asked his name, which he entered as Andy. He was also asked his rival’s name, which he traditionally answered with a certain inappropriate word that shall not be mentioned.

His trainer avatar materialized in Pallet Town and he began his Pokémon journey.

Four hours later, it was two o’clock in the morning and he was finishing up the final gym. He began to fill up the rest of his Pokédex. He flew to Lavender Town on his Pidgeot. The town had a purple background and creepy music as he walked south to a series of docks. He mounted on his Blastoise and surfed across the water in search of some water Pokémon he didn’t have in his Pokédex.

Andy felt a weird tingle in his hands, and decided to go to bed. He turned off his game and laid his head on his soft memory film pillow.

Andy jolted awake the next day to the horrid beeping sound of his black iHome. He groaned loudly as he put on his school clothes, blue basketball pants, an Indianapolis Colts t-shirt, and his other pair of shoes, blue and white Nike Overplays.

He skipped down the steps and poured a bowl of Raisin Bran. He quickly consumed the boring breakfast and ran out the door to catch his bus.

Thirty minutes later, he was walking through his school’s Floridian outside hallways. As he skipped his way to his locker, he checked his watch and was happy to see that it read the time at seven forty. He got to his locker, entered his combination, and got out his Calculus book and Music Appreciation notebook, his first two classes.

Andy walked over to the freshman hallway where most of his friends were. Andy was the age of a freshman but was in the junior year because of his advanced intelligence. He had better friends as freshman because they were closer to his age.

As he walked up the speckled stairs to the freshman hallway, he heard some seniors jeer, “Going to hang with your pissy freshy friends, Samberg?”

“**** off, senior,” he curtly responded.

Normally, a senior would beat up a kid for saying this, but Andy had a reputation around the school. Many kids respected him and if anyone harmed him, that person would be in a lot of trouble. The Dean of Students wouldn’t have any harm coming to Andy because he was the pride and joy of the school.

He skipped up the final stairs and began to walk when his crush walked by. She blinked her azure eyes swiftly as she trotted past him. Her beautifully crimped blonde locks flowed behind her tiny frame as she gracefully walked. Andy stared at her white shirt and jean shorts.

“Hey, Andrew,” she cooed, as if taunting him.

“Hi…” he mumbled feebly as she walked down the stairs.

He shook his head and glanced back at his watch. It still read seven forty. How could that be?

He shrugged off the creepiness of the changeless time and walked over to his friends where they began to chat about bombs made out of hydrochloric acid. One could put -The following is censored to stop all of you noobs from making bombs and hurting old folk or something as such.- making an extremely loud noise.

Andy glanced back at his watch and stared shocked. It said that the time was ten thirty-seven PM.

Andy quickly raised his hands and counted his fingers. His right hand had five fingers, but his left had six. He stared at his feet and saw that the ground was blurry. He rushed into the nearest bathroom, which happened to be filled with giggling freshman girls. He quickly dismissed the embarrassment, confident that his discovery would outweigh the consequences.

He gazed in the mirror and saw that he had no pupils. He plugged his nose with his index finger and thumb and attempted to breathe with his mouth closed.

He was taken aback when he felt air rush into his lungs, even though he was plugging all orifices through which respiration was possible. He stared into the mirror at his pupil-less, white-skinned face. His triangular hairdo gently swayed as he poked his left hand with his right index finger. The finger went right through his hand.

He gasped, “Lucid Dream!”

PiEaNdChIpS678 (10:48:49 PM): I found one
Mikey94028 (10:49:14 PM): is that
Mikey94028 (10:49:17 PM): who I think it is
husnainisme (10:49:25 PM): wailord
Mikey94028 (10:49:29 PM): o
Mikey94028 (10:49:34 PM): I thought it was dead

Last edited by Black Hawk; 03-01-2009 at 09:58 PM.
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Old 02-21-2009, 05:47 PM
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Black Hawk Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 2)
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bibarel?
Posts: 2,058
Default Re: Lucid Dreams

He quickly stated what he knew about lucid dreams so he could remember what to do, “A lucid dream is a dream in which the person is aware that they are dreaming while the dream is in progress, also known as a conscious dream. When the dreamer is lucid, they can actively participate in and often manipulate the imaginary experiences in the dream environment. Lucid dreams can be extremely real and vivid depending on a person's level of self-awareness during the lucid dream. A lucid dream can begin in one of three ways. A dream-initiated lucid dream starts as a normal dream, and the dreamer eventually concludes that they are dreaming… That’s the kind I’m in…”

He panicked as the excitement of his lucid dream began to wake him up as he felt the world melt away around him. All of the colors in the blue-tiled bathroom and from the girls’ backpacks began to melt together into a big rainbow kaleidoscope.

Andy quickly thought of all the things he had done in the past for lucid dreams, and then shouted, “Increase lucidity!”

Everything began to reform and become vivid. The colors returned to what they should have been and the girls began screaming at Andy. He willed them to forget about him with his newly acquired powers and they turned back and began to chat.

He walked out of the bathroom and giggled. He only had had about seven lucid dreams in his life, and he cherished every one.

He leaned over the balcony of the freshman hallway and jumped.

He never hit the ground.

Instead, he zoomed high into the air, his hand plastered to his sides from the G-force. He was flying with no wings just like in Dragonball Z, one of his favorite Japanese cartoons.

He shot across the sky and flew out over the Gulf of Mexico. He dove like a Peregrine straight down to the Gulf and pulled up a foot above the water, causing the force of the air flowing with him to create an immense wave. He shot across the Gulf at mach speeds, the sonic booms creating large waves around him.

He sped across the Gulf and over the Caribbean Sea and as soon as he started to fly, he was hovering over the Amazon. Andy slowly descended into the rain forest and gracefully landed on a moss-covered log.

The trees around him totally blocked out the sun light and he began to get scared as he felt a malevolent presence close in on him. He jumped in the air to fly away, but he no longer could fly. He was quickly losing lucidity but remaining unconscious.

“Increase lucidity!” he screamed.

Nothing happened as he felt himself shrink to the size of a log. His skin grew slimy and a pale pink color. His triangular hairdo fell off as his head took on a bald sheen. He grew a thick tail with a white tip, and tiny ears balanced on his head. His arms fell off and he sprouted four new legs, all of which were short, pink, and tipped with a single ivory toenail.

Andy attempted to shout, “Increase lucidity,” but instead he mumbled, “Slooooooow.”

He thought to himself, “Oh no, there must have been some outside disturbance. That’s the only way I could lose lucidity and remain in dream-state.”

The Slowpoke began to panic as he felt his knowledge of dreaming fade away. Soon, he completely forgot that he was in a dream as his slow brain attempted to grasp any hint of knowledge.

The pink lizard turned around in slow motion. A flock of cormorants flew over head in what seemed to Andy to be faster than possible. His transformation to a Slowpoke made him very slow. To others, he seemed extraordinarily slow, but from his perspective, everything else was blindingly fast.

He heard a rustle in the bushes behind him. After several seconds, he was completely turned around and facing the rustling leaves.

A yellow mouse burst out of the bushes shouting, “Pika!”

The rodent was yellow with brown stripes on its back. It had red circles on its cheeks and pointed brown-tipped ears. It had short stubby limbs and looked angry.

Sparks began to crackle out of the mouse’s cheeks as a voice from deep in the forest shouted, “Thunderbolt!”

The Pikachu was surrounded by an aura of electricity as it shot a laser of energy at the Slowpoke. Andy cringed in pain. He ran through his arsenal of techniques and picked a suiting one.

He forced himself to forget the pain of the attack as his Amnesia increased his pain tolerance.

The Pikachu began to run in circles exponentially faster and faster as he rushed at the Slowpoke with its Agility attack. The Pikachu surrounded itself with electricity as it collided with Andy’s side in a blazing Volt Tackle.

Andy cringed at the pain, and then his eyes lit up blue. Pikachu felt his speed sucked out of his body as the special Psych Up of the lizard drained the Pikachu’s speed and gave it to him.

The Pikachu charged another blazing lightning bolt at the lizard, but Andy disappeared. He was now moving so fast that he could not be seen and everything appeared in slow motion from his perception. He collided with a tree stump behind the mouse, and pushed off, splitting the stump in half. He shot toward the rodent as it slowly turned around.

Andy’s head lit up light blue as he crashed into the Pikachu with a devastating Zen Headbutt attack. The blue aura on his head transferred over to the mouse and the Slowpoke directed the Pikachu colliding into a tree stump with a follow up Psychic attack.

Pikachu groaned as it stood back up and glared at the lizard. Its tail lit up bright silver as it charged back at the Slowpoke. The Iron Tail collided with the lizard with a metallic clang. Andy was hurled backward and smashed into a large boulder.

H chuckled as he began to smack his belly with his tail. The Belly Drum raised his confidence to attack but it hurt him slightly. He turned to the Pikachu and disappeared. He reappeared over the rodent and smashed it into the ground. The resulting crater from his Tackle attack was several feet deep and the Pikachu at the bottom groaned.

The brown striped rodent feebly attempted to crawl back out of the crater, than sent a tiny shock of lightning at the Slowpoke. Andy felt his muscles grow numb and his spinal column stiffen. He attempted to rush at the Pikachu with another Tackle, but his speed had been sapped from him as his body failed to respond caused by the paralysis from the Thunder Wave.

He watched helplessly as the Pikachu turned his gaze to the sky. The rodent began to sway back and forth with its eyes closed mumbling a strange incantation. The branches of the towering rainforest trees began to sway as a storm brewed. The cloudless sunny day took a turn for the worse as looming black behemoths formed over the Amazon. An ominous silence took place as one could almost hear the white noise of the burning ozone high in the atmosphere.


An enormous column of lightning shot down from the heavens in a jagged path. The electricity burned through the forest canopy and crashed down on the Slowpoke. Andy howled in unbelievable pain as his bodily systems and innards were burned from the immense heat and current.

He lay helpless on a bed of dead leaves on the forest floor. The Thunder attack had almost killed him and he lay at the Pikachu’s mercy. He gagged at the overpowering smell of the burnt ozone.

He heard a gruff voice seemingly from a man shout from behind a bush, “Good job, Pikachu. Go, Pokéball!”

Andy panicked as he saw a half red and half white orb zoom out of a tiny bush. It smacked him painfully in the head, and then he was engulfed in a bright crimson translucent light. He felt his entire body grow numb and heard a devilish beeping noise.

Andy jolted awake, sweating in his bed. He forgot to turn off his alarm from the previous day because it was Friday and he had the day off. The boy shook the grogginess of sleep from his head and stared at the Gameboy in his lap. The power light was red, signaling that the system would turn off soon from lack of power.

He glanced at the screen and noticed that after he fell asleep, a wild Slowpoke had attacked him. The pink lizard stared dumbly out at the screen at Andy. He quietly chuckled as he recalled his dream and noticed that he had sent out his Pikachu. He directed the battle cursor to the item caption and clicked the "A" button. He scrolled down his item pack and selected Pokéball.

A Pokéball was thrown from off the screen and collided with the Slowpoke. The lizard was engulfed in the Pokéball in a poof of smoke. The red power light on the side of his Gameboy began to flicker.

Andy nervously tapped his fingers together as he watched the Pokéball twitch once…twice…

PiEaNdChIpS678 (10:48:49 PM): I found one
Mikey94028 (10:49:14 PM): is that
Mikey94028 (10:49:17 PM): who I think it is
husnainisme (10:49:25 PM): wailord
Mikey94028 (10:49:29 PM): o
Mikey94028 (10:49:34 PM): I thought it was dead

Last edited by Black Hawk; 02-28-2009 at 07:39 PM.
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Old 02-21-2009, 05:47 PM
Black Hawk's Avatar
Black Hawk Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 2)
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bibarel?
Posts: 2,058
Default Re: Lucid Dreams

Targets: Slowpoke
Difficulty Level: Medium
Characters needed: 10,000-20,000
Characters currently: 20,584
Status: As ready as it's going to ever be with my busy schedule @_@

If it’s a capture: Andy smiled as the Slowpoke was caught. He quickly went back to the over world and saved his game. The game finished saving just as the power went off.

If it isn’t: Andy frowned as the Gameboy’s power went off just as the decisive shake approached. Frustrated, he tossed his Gameboy at the wall, breaking it.

PiEaNdChIpS678 (10:48:49 PM): I found one
Mikey94028 (10:49:14 PM): is that
Mikey94028 (10:49:17 PM): who I think it is
husnainisme (10:49:25 PM): wailord
Mikey94028 (10:49:29 PM): o
Mikey94028 (10:49:34 PM): I thought it was dead

Last edited by Black Hawk; 02-28-2009 at 07:44 PM.
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Old 03-02-2009, 01:17 PM
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Elrond Offline
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Join Date: Jul 2007
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Default Re: Lucid Dreams


Well, it certainly caught my attention. It was good that you started that way; part of the introduction’s purpose is to get the reader to want to read more of the story. However, I was a little disappointed with the way you continued it. Part of it is just the way you wrote, which I’m going to cover a little more in the Detail/Description section.

I think that, given that opening line, “Life sucks!” you should really have continued with something that went along with the grain. For example, you could have turned that line into a paragraph explaining why Andy chose that moment to yell that. Did he just slam his finger in his locker? Fail an important test? Discover that he left his lunch on the bus? All of the above? From the way you continued your introduction, you leave the reader hanging as to why Andy is so angry at life. Sometimes suspense is a good thing, but when it leaves an anticlimactic taste in the mouth, it means you have some explaining to do.


I actually quite liked the plot of the story in general. I think it could have been expanded a whole lot more… For example, you could have had Andy experience a number of these “Lucid Dreams” over a period of a few days, then have them seem to really come to life. Okay, so that’s just an idea, and you did only need to write enough for a Slowpoke. I’d say it was strong overall.


This is the point where I was a bit disappointed. I already alluded to the introduction, where you seemed to trail off on a boring tangent when you started off with such a strong exclamation. This is called using ‘telling’ description. That means you have to completely stop the plot in progress to describe something, like Andy’s personality or appearance. This quote is a good example of the contrast between ‘telling’ detail and ‘showing’ detail, the opposite.

Andy was a tall boy in his junior year of high school. He was largely misunderstood. He hung his head out of the bus window and let the wind calmly caress his triangle-shaped curly hairdo.
The bolded part is an example of what’s known as ‘showing’ description; you worked it right into the action of the story. However, the first two sentences are ‘telling’ description. A better way to work those descriptions into the action would have been something like this:

The tall junior hung his head out of the bus window and let the wind calmly caress his triangle-shaped, curly hairdo.
As shown here, one way of using ‘showing’ description is to put the adjective right in front of the thing it modifies; that way you don’t need to use up a whole sentence just to say, “Andy was tall. He was a junior.”

Actually, that sentence helps to make another point. Throughout the story, you always used the words “Andy” or “He” whenever Andy did something. This becomes redundant. You should mix it up a little using other nouns to stand in for him. Some easy ones include “the junior,” “the boy,” “the teen,” you get the picture. Just make sure that the reader knows who you’re talking about when there are other juniors, boys, or teens on the scene.


I couldn’t spot any blatant grammatical errors. However, I would like to mention that I would discourage the use of “African-American” speech in your stories. Okay, so it was a bit humorous, but writing dialogue like that can sometimes make stories hard to read, and, dare I say it, may not make some people very happy with you. Remember, you want the reader to be able to understand what you’re saying. Spelling generally doesn’t change based on a person’s accent. If you’re an American, as I am, you’re not going to write ‘favourite’ or ‘defence,’ even if a British person is the one saying it in the story. Other than that, I think you were fine.


Wonderful. :)


I actually thought you did a really good job with the battle. The description on the most part was pretty vivid, and it definitely wasn’t too one-sided. I especially liked the way you put it together so it ended up that Andy was just playing it on his Gameboy, though he dreamed about the battle actually happening to him. I thought it was creative and mildly humorous.


I thought the story was overall pretty good, and there definitely wasn’t anything anywhere near bad enough to keep me from saying Slowpoke captured! Work on the introduction a little bit for next time; that’s where I was a little disappointed, and there were points where you did revert to ‘telling’ description and it got a little boring. Keep up the good work, and keep writing!


SotaOMG (10:05:46 PM): i think stunky is sexy
iamnotyou11 (10:05:54 PM): Soda stop being gay (10:06:03 PM): ironic statement?
I can probably take some grading requests now. But don't all rush me at once. :/

Last edited by Elrond; 03-02-2009 at 01:50 PM.
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