Member List
Calendar
F.A.Q.
Search
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  
 

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 04-18-2009, 11:50 PM
Rage12's Avatar
Rage12 Offline
Elite Trainer
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: in the shadow realm
Posts: 702
Default The Crystal Callings-(Chapter 5 up)[Pg-13]

Warning: This is rated PG-13 for violence, language, and a brief scene of adult content

VS

Thanks to Daughter_of_Mew for these banners



Character Profiles-

Name: Demi Tatum
Age: 13
Sex: Female
Personality: Demi is a very grateful person. She’s happy with the things she has, and with the friends she has made, but she feels something is missing from her life. She often sets out on adventures to find what is missing, but never returns with it. She cares about her friends and family more than herself, and puts their needs before hers, and because of that, she feels she deserves something in return. She has been thought that life isn’t fair, but wishes that it was. She leaves her fate in her, and her Pokemon’s hands, and no one else’s. If she wants something, she goes and gets it, and doesn’t take no for an answer. At times, she can get a little jealous, usually only of her ex-best friend Ivry. Despite her hatred for Ivry, she wants to get her out of the spot light before she ends up like other train wrecked celebrities, doing anything to get back into the news.

Demi is a quick thinker. In her battles, she plans out several strategies, and quickly decides which is best, all in the time it takes for her Pokemon to dodge an attack and retaliate. People are often awed by the gracefulness of her Pokemon as well. She doesn’t like losing, but she can stand it, and if she does lose, she goes back to training. She likes to make friends with the people she battles so if they ever want, they can battle once again. She pushes her Pokemon to the limit, but always remembers that her Pokemon have to rest eventually. Thanks to her intense training, she allows her Pokemon to learn moves that they shouldn’t until they are in the final stage of evolution. She likes to spoil them once in a while, and treats them as if they were human,

Physical Description: Demi is very beautiful girl, and looks older than her age. She, by her standards, has long brown hair that goes down to her shoulders. Her bangs cover up her forehead, and her eyebrows. All that can be seen is her brown eyes. Her nose is sort of small, but besides that, she has very average features. She stands 5 feet 3 inches, and weighs 120lbs.

Demi outfit is very simple. She wears a blue jean jacket that stops at her stomach. Her sleeves are cut off about halfway up so her arms are exposed. Under it, she wears a red t-shirt. Around her neck, she wears her Partner Pokemon’s minimized Pokeball. Her lower half’s outfit consist of black leggings with a short jean skirt to go over it. She wears red ballerina slippers for shoes. She wears a belt around her skirt to carry her other Pokeballs.

Pokemon Team (so far): Electivire (female), Lapras(female), Quilava(male)

Brief History: Demi was a very confident trainer before going to the Pokemon League, and so was her best friend Ivry. They started their journey together, but their friendship became strained on their first few minutes. The two arrived at the Pokemon Lab at the same time, and there was only one Pokemon left, which was a Treecko. The two argued over who would get the Pokemon, and they eventually decided they would let the Pokemon choose. Treecko chose Ivry, and Ivry constantly rubbed it in Demi’s face. Demi became so upset that she went on a rampage. She was on her rampage for several minutes before a sleeping Elekid was awaken and shocked Ivry. The Elekid was sorry for doing so, and agreed to make it up by becoming Demi’s Pokemon, without a fight. Demi captured the Pokemon and went on with her journey, without her friend Ivry.
Only a year later, the two met at Kanto’s Pokemon League. The two made it to the finals. Ivry had never before been beaten, and Demi was determined to do so. In a historic battle that destroyed several fields that the stadium had set up, Demi defeated two of Ivry’s Pokemon. Ivry then sent out her last Pokemon, Grovyle. Demi sent out her Electabuzz. In a fierce battle, the two Pokemon were pushed to their limits, and both evolved. Grovyle managed to finish its evolution to a Sceptile, and the vulnerable Electabuzz, defeating it with one last Leaf Blade. Demi thought that Ivry’s actions were unfair, and that she deserved a rematch. Her request was denied, if even heard. Though Demi made history, being the only trainer to KO any on Ivry’s Pokemon, Ivry became a celebrity, finally ending what was left of their friendship.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````` `````````````````````````````````````````````````` ``



Name: Ivry Aerin
Age: 14
Sex: Female
Personality: Ivry was once just like Demi, but thanks to her new found fame, she has changed. She is now conceited and believes the world revolves around her. If she’s not the center of attention, she will do something, no matter how embarrassing to get the focus back on her. She refuses to go out without make up on, and no matter what she is doing; she has to wear designer clothes. She no longer cares about her Pokemon, and only about the money she gets for using them. She would never be caught outside without cameras around her. Despite all of this, there is no denying that she is a great trainer.

Physical Description: Ivry has short blonde hair that only goes down her neck. Her eyes are blue, but you would never know since she always has her purple sunglasses over them. Her lips are always shining thanks to the new lip gloss she is promoting. She is the same height as Demi, but weighs only 105lbs.

Ivry’s outfit consists of a gray vest buttoned up over a white blouse. She wears three long pearl necklaces, stolen from several different Pokemon, around her neck. The necklaces extend all the way down to her stomach. On her arm, she is always carrying an Arbok skinned handbag, in which she carries Pokeballs. She wears designer jeans, that happen to be worth five hundred dollars, and wears white high heels.


Pokemon Team (so far): Sceptile(male)
Brief History: Ivry, though she would never admit it, has always been jealous of Demi. Even before they went out on their adventure, Demi did everything better than Ivry. Ivry hated that, and refused to let it continue on for any longer. Ivry knew that there was only one starter Pokemon left since her brothers took the first two. This is why Ivry placed a berry in her pocket before getting Demi to follow her to the lab to get the starter. The only reason Treecko ended up choosing her, was because of this berry.

Ivry also knew that Demi was the better trainer. That is why she cheated Demi out of her fame, and ordered an attack on the vulnerable Electabuzz. Ivry really changed when her stardom came along. She stopped catching her own Pokemon, and had them brought to her. She made money by doing several appearances, and promotes anything now. She has had several Pokemon killed for the making of her clothes and accessories, and has no shame in that. Ivry is the only contestant who signed a contract and is being paid for being in the tournament. Ivry also knows the tournament is rigged, and that she will be the winner, increasing her fan base, and celebrity status. This will also give publicity to the company sponsoring the tournament, which also happens to be opening up an island for trainers to train on.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````` `````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````````
Chapter progress
Chapter 1- Posted
Chapter 2- Posted
Chapter 3- Posted
Chapter 4- Posted
Chapter 5- Posted
Chapter 6- Work in Progress
__________________
CRYSTAL CALLINGS

Click it if you want to read

Last edited by Rage12; 08-08-2009 at 09:24 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-18-2009, 11:59 PM
Rage12's Avatar
Rage12 Offline
Elite Trainer
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: in the shadow realm
Posts: 702
Default Re: The Crystal Callings


Chapter 1-

The small plane began its descent towards the water. When she looked out the window, Demi could see another plane, doing the exact same thing. She knew who was in the other plane, but didn’t want to think about it. It was Ivry, the only other trainer that had been invited with a private plane. The other trainers were brought in on a ship, and had already arrived.

Demi could see the people down on the beach standing around, waiting for touch down. She could also see the camera crew that would be documenting Ivry’s win. She groaned at the thought of even speaking the Ivry now, though she knew she would have to if she wanted to win the tournament. She shook her head and turned to her Electivire.

“Are you ready?” Demi asked as the plane skidded on the water. Electivire nodded, stretching out its arms. Demi laughed, and exited the plane hastily before Ivry could get out. She knew she would make her arrival over the stop, and would probably mock Demi in some way. Electivire soon followed, pushing away the paparazzi that heckled Demi.

“How does it feel to be second best? Do you think you can actually win this time? Why is it that you can’t accept that Ivry is better than you?” The paparazzi questioned. Their cameras flashed left and right, blinding Demi at every turn, and pissing off Electivire. Demi’s head was spinning, she couldn’t see, and she could feel the anger boiling inside of her. She knew not to say anything. If she did, she knew it would be twisted into something else.

Demi looked back to grab her Pokemon’s hand, and saw the Ivry’s plane land in the water. Electivire was becoming extremely angry as lighting began surging through its antennas. Electivire was about ready to shock them all, until they all flocked over to the other plane. Demi let out a sigh of relief. Electivire had already calmed down, and there was no one beside them, except for the other trainers. They all eyed Demi angrily, as if she did something to them. A lot of their Pokemon looked strong, and she knew from the start that Demi was in for some difficult battles.

Towards the north, a large screen could be seen standing in the distance. It showed several commercials for items that were sponsoring the tournament. Demi watched it closely to keep from looking at the other trainers. Then, like she expected, one of Ivry’s commercials came on for her new lip gloss. Demi couldn’t help herself but to feel disgusted, but she couldn’t look away. Even Electivire couldn’t stand to look at her, not that she was ugly, but because she had sold her soul for a little fame. Demi was glad when her add was removed from the screen, and a voice began to speak.

“You guys read the rules, and now, it’s time to begin!” It exclaimed with excitement. Roar could be heard out through the whole region with the excitement from the trainers. Electivire couldn’t help but lift her hands to the air and celebrate as well. Demi was filled with laughter at the goofiness of her Pokemon, but knew when it came down to it, she was a serious battler, and could handle beat nearly any Pokemon.

“Now, the screens going to count down from ten, all the way down to one, and when it hits one, everyone can start battling! Now let’s get ready to rumble!” The voice loudly stated as the screen began a countdown. Demi looked around at all the trainers. There weren’t that many trainers there for a region wide tournament. So she figured that there were other places where the trainers were dropped off besides Sandgem Town. By the time she figured that out, the screen had reached three, and the crowd of trainers counted along with it.

“Three.. Two.. One!” The crowd roared, just like it was New Years. As soon as the roars ended, battles were starting. Demi even saw some trainers with their Pokemon already out and attacking, though it seemed like a bad idea to battle in such a small area. Other trainers were moving towards the route that led out of Sandgem Town to get more open space for battle. Demi found it to be a smart idea to catch some Pokemon before battling first, and made her way to Lake Verity to capture a Water Type Pokemon. That would be the easiest for them, considering that Electivire is an Electric Type Pokemon.

The two quickly made it to the peaceful lake. Demi just wanted to take a moment to take in its beauty. She and Electivire were in awe. They were in love with the land. If they had the choice, they would live around it, just so they could come see it everyday. Demi always liked peaceful places, and found them to be the most beautiful. It was so peaceful that Demi and Electivire had to stand there for a few minutes, listening to water. They went on interrupted, until Electivire spotted something.

“Elec. Electivire!” Electivire shouted, pointing to towards the lake. Demi reacted quickly, looking out towards where her Pokemon’s finger led her. She soon found it as she spotted a Pokemon in the water. It was dark blue, and had a shell on its back. It was pretty big, but Demi couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Then she remembered what it was.

“Lapras! But why is it out here. I thought the only Pokemon you could catch here in the water was Magikarp and Gyrados.” Demi said. She decided to ignore that part, and take advantage of her type advantage, and catch the Lapras. “Let’s go Electivire, into the water.”

“Not so fast! That’s my Lapras you’re about to catch.” A voice stated. Demi and Electivire paused to look at the intruders who had interrupted them. Demi took a quick look, seeing the short blonde hair, the purple rimmed sunglasses, and the Arbok skinned bag around her arm. Demi figured out that it was Ivry. If that didn’t give it away, the camera crew following her around did.

“This isn’t your Lapras, Ivry. For now, it’s none of ours, but soon, it will be mine.” Demi replied. Ivry scoffed, not caring for what Demi said.

“Well I saw it first!” Ivry shouted

“No you didn’t!” Demi said with a look of confusion on her face.

“Well I’m famous, and I need better looking Pokemon to make me look better. Lapras is a beautiful Pokemon, and it’s rare. That means it will make me look good. Plus, I have those Pokemon loving people on my back about killing Arboks to make my hand bags. Capturing an almost extinct Pokemon will get them off of me.” Ivry shouted.

“You can’t just take everything you want just because you’re famous! I’m so tired of you and your bull, and I refuse to take back seat to you, and put up with you for any longer!” Demi retorted. Ivry jumped back as her ex-best friend raised her voice at her. This was something Demi never did, no matter how angry she was with Ivry. At least that showed that somewhere inside, Ivry still had some emotion towards Demi.

Demi looked over to Electivire, finding her face to face with Ivry’s Sceptile. They were staring each other down, waiting for their order to attack, Electivire waiting for her revenge, and Sceptile waiting for another chance to prove that he is the better Pokemon. It seemed that Demi and Ivry were doing the same. The Camera Crew laughed and smiled as they got all this great footage for Ivry’s documentary.

“So what are you gonna do Ivry? Are we gonna battle for the right to catch Lapras?” Demi asked, looking her up and down. Ivry backed away, lifting her glasses. Usually, Ivry’s eyes showed nothing, but for some reason, Demi could see something this time. A look of compassion or as close to it as Ivry’s face would ever get.

“You can take Lapras. I’ll just find a more beautiful Pokemon to beat you with.” Ivry spoke. Though Ivry spoke rudely to Demi, and acted rude to Demi, this statement wasn’t full of any rudeness or hostility. Demi knew what she meant by that. She meant Demi could take Lapras, but she was still going to lose in the finals. Demi and Ivry were on the same terms as they both believed that they would both end up in the finals. Demi nodded as Ivry and Sceptile exited.

“I would have battled you though, but the camera men told me it’s to earl to have such a great battle. I think they really meant it would be too suckish because you would lose so easily.” Ivry condescendingly stated. Demi knew she didn’t mean it, at least not this time.

“Alright Electivire, into the water, and used Thunder!” Demi demanded. Electivire dove into the water, swimming down to the bottom. She then began surging electricity through her antennae, and engulfed her body in it, sending bolts of lightning around her. Thanks to the water, the lightning extended all the way across the lake, shocking the Lapras. Demi quickly took a Pokeball out, and threw it. A red light shot out, engulfing the Lapras, and bringing it into the small red and gray orb. The ball fell into the water, and Electivire swam after it. She soon arrived on land, holding a still Pokeball.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! You did it Electivire! We did it! We caught the second member of out team!” Demi exclaimed, jumping up and down. Electivire shook herself, sending water flying from her fur, soaking Ivry. The soaking wet trainer continued her celebration, holding on to her partner’s hands and dancing in a circle.

“And so, the rival of the famous trainer Ivry catches her second party member. Will this spell disaster for Ivry, or will it be her downfall, considering Sceptile still has the advantage of over both of Demi’s Pokemon. We will find out as the two progress.” The director commentated. Demi stopped her celebration, and hung her head down, placing her hand on her forehead.

“Get out of here!” Demi demanded, forcing the director and his camera crew to leave.
__________________
CRYSTAL CALLINGS

Click it if you want to read

Last edited by Rage12; 04-21-2009 at 11:36 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 04-19-2009, 01:41 AM
Graceful_Suicune's Avatar
Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Ashley's pants
Posts: 4,886
Send a message via AIM to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Yahoo to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Skype™ to Graceful_Suicune
Default Re: The Crystal Callings

Nice work so far. ^^ Here's some points for you:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
and pissing off Electivire.
"pissing off" seems a little...well, not suited to put in a story when it's not in someone's speech. Perhaps: 'stirring up' or 'angering' would be a little more suitable.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Demi looked back to grab her Pokemon’s hand, and saw the Ivry’s plane land in the water. Electivire was becoming extremely angry as lighting began surging through its antennas. Electivire was about ready to shock them all, until they all flocked over to the other plane. Demi let out a sigh of relief. Electivire had already calmed down, and there was no one beside them, except for the other trainers.
You should get rid of the 'the' before "Ivry's". x3
Three 'Electivire's in one paragraph? x3 Maybe you should refer to it as something else once in a while. :3
Also, the plural of 'antenna' is 'antennae'. No 's'.
I think sometimes you put commas in unnecessary places. Such as the one in bold after 'them' and before 'except'. Maybe a double hyphen would work better? Or if you changed 'except' to 'beside', you wouldn't have to have anything there. (You could probably have nothing there now, but I think it would be better with 'besides'. x3)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Roar could be heard out through the whole region with the excitement from the trainers.
Should be "Roaring" or "A roar".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
but knew when it came down to it, she was a serious battler, and could handle beat nearly any Pokemon.
Remove either 'beat' or 'handle'. x3 (I assume it's a typo)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
“Now, the screens going to count down from ten,
Should be 'screen's', because it's abbreviated from 'screen is'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Demi looked around at all the trainers. There weren’t that many trainers there for a region wide tournament.
You can get rid of that second 'trainers'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
The two quickly made it to the peaceful lake. Demi just wanted to take a moment to take in its beauty. She and Electivire were in awe. They were in love with the land. If they had the choice, they would live around it, just so they could come see it everyday. Demi always liked peaceful places, and found them to be the most beautiful. It was so peaceful that Demi and Electivire had to stand there for a few minutes, listening to water.
x3 You used 'peaceful' three times in this paragraph. Also:
-You can't really battle with a Pokemon you've just caught and expect to win.
-You should've said something to at least indicate how long it took to get there or something like that. x3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
“Lapras! But why is it out here. I thought the only Pokemon you could catch here in the water was Magikarp and Gyrados.”
At the end of that first sentence, there should be a question mark. It is a question, after all. x)
It is spelled: "Gyarados".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
She decided to ignore that part, and take advantage of her type advantage, and catch the Lapras.
Yes, I often point out use of repetitiveness when it could be something else. x)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
“Let’s go Electivire, into the water.”
It shouldn't be a comma. It should either be a full stop or a double hyphen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Demi figured out that it was Ivry.
I think it would be better as: "Demi immediately knew it was Ivry" because she knows it's her. :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
“This isn’t your Lapras, Ivry. For now, it’s none of ours, but soon, it will be mine.”
Should be a full stop after 'ours', not a comma.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Plus, I have those Pokemon loving people on my back about killing Arboks to make my hand bags.
Pokemon names never have 's's on the end. Should be: "killing Arbok to make my hand bags".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
I’m so tired of you and your bull, and I refuse to take back seat to you, and put up with you for any longer!”
That last comma shouldn't be there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
They were staring each other down, waiting for their order to attack, Electivire waiting for her revenge, and Sceptile waiting for another chance to prove that he is the better Pokemon. It seemed that Demi and Ivry were doing the same. The Camera Crew laughed and smiled as they got all this great footage for Ivry’s documentary.
After 'attack' you should have a double hypen instead of a comma. The comma after 'revenge' doesn't need to be there.
I would put: "he was the better Pokemon", because the story's in past tense rather than present tense.
I'm pretty sure than 'camera crew' don't need capital 'c's. x3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
“So what are you gonna do Ivry?
Should be a comma after "do".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Though Ivry spoke rudely to Demi, and acted rude to Demi,
I would write it as: "Though Ivry spoke and acted rudely towards Demi," (etc).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
“I would have battled you though, but the camera men told me it’s to earl to have such a great battle.
Typo. xP Should be "early".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Demi knew she didn’t mean it, at least not this time.
Instead of that comma, a double hyphen would be better.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
“Alright Electivire, into the water, and used Thunder!”
I'm pretty sure there should be a comma after 'Alright', and I would end the sentence with an exclamation mark after 'Electivire'.
I also wouldn't put that other comma. 'used' should be: "use".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Demi quickly took a Pokeball out, and threw it.
Poke Ball is two words with the 'P' and the 'B' capitalised.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
“You did it Electivire!
Should be a comma after 'it'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Electivire shook herself, sending water flying from her fur, soaking Ivry.
Oh? xD I think you mean: 'Demi'.

“And so, the rival of the famous trainer Ivry catches her second party member. Will this spell disaster for Ivry, or will it be her downfall, considering Sceptile still has the advantage of over both of Demi’s Pokemon.[/QUOTE]

Comma after 'trainer', and the second sentence is a question. It needs a question mark. x)

Anyways, nice work so far. And boy, you love that name: "Ivry", don't you? xD Seen it in all of your stories. x)
I really don't like Ivry, though. She doesn't seem like a good person to be friends with. Dx
I hope Demi beats her! :D

(By the way, sorry that I never got around to reading your other story. >.< It was really long, and I don't really have time to read everything and correct it. x3)

~Xanthe.
__________________
Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-19-2009, 05:00 PM
Rage12's Avatar
Rage12 Offline
Elite Trainer
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: in the shadow realm
Posts: 702
Default Re: The Crystal Callings

Thanks for the help. I wish I could have edited all that, but I was afraid it would start deleting things again. Yeah I do like the name Ivry though. I want to get out of the habit of using it, so that's why I made her the unlikeable character. It was so annoying, I kept on typing Ivry instead of Demi. I plan on starting chapter 2 soon.
__________________
CRYSTAL CALLINGS

Click it if you want to read
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-19-2009, 11:47 PM
Rage12's Avatar
Rage12 Offline
Elite Trainer
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: in the shadow realm
Posts: 702
Default Re: The Crystal Callings

I'm not very fond of the beginning of this chapter. It starts of slow, and picks up when the battling starts, at least I think so.
`````````````````````````````````````````````
Chapter 2-

Demi held the minimized Poke Ball in her hand. The ball held a Lapras, and Demi wasn’t so sure how using a Lapras in a place with not so much water would work. She figured she would have to find out.

“Elec vire electivire.” Demi’s partner mumbled.

“You’re right; we probably should get out of here. We’re losing precious time that we could have been using to get more Crystal Poke Balls.” Demi responded. She motioned to Electivire, signaling their exit. When they got out, no one was there. All the trainers that were standing on the beach had disappeared. Most of them had probably already had their first battle, and Demi couldn’t wait to get in on the action. All she could hope for was that the trainers were up to their level.

It seemed like the two walked for miles before they saw one trainer. By now, almost all of them made it to Oreburgh City, and Demi had the feeling she was the last to arrive. That wasn’t a bad thing, considering they would have the mines to train her Pokemon in. With all the Rock Pokemon that would be down there, it would be a perfect spot for Lapras to train and a good combat training for Electivire. If all went well, she would catch a Pokemon down there as well.

She easily found her way down to the mines, and quickly found out that it was empty. The only noise that could be heard was a faint knocking. Demi thought nothing of it, and continued on into the mines. As she went farther back, the knocking got louder. Soon it sounded like someone was punching the walls of the mine. Demi knew that it had to be a Pokemon, a Pokemon that she could practice with at that. She pressed the button in the middle of the Poke Ball, and tossed it a few feet in front of her. The ball released the red light once more, this time, releasing the Lapras.

The three approached the corner, and kneeled by it. Demi tilted her head to get a look at the cause of the noise. Sure enough, it was a Pokemon, a Golem to be exact. The Pokemon was continually head butting the wall. The Pokemon was not fazed by the damage that it should be taking. Then again, it is a Rock-type Pokemon.

“Alright, Lapras, this is your time to shine,” Demi started looking back around the corner, “use Water Gun!”. Lapras tilted her long neck around the corner, and opened her mouth. She shot a stream of water towards the Golem, hitting in directly. Yet the Golem didn’t seem to be fazed by that either. The Megaton Pokemon only turned, and began pacing towards Demi and her team.

“Who dares attack my Golem?” A voice asked. The voice echoed through out the empty mine, carrying the annoying tone the person used. The Golem stopped walking, once it reached Lapras. It looked up towards the Pokemon, not fazed by her attack, or her stature.

“Golem, calm down. Who ever owns this Lapras isn’t worth are time.” The voice spoke again. Soon, a brown haired boy appeared behind the Golem. To Demi, he was repulsive. He was chubby, his hair was dirty, and his outfit seemed to be six sizes to small. To top it all off, he reeked of an unknown scent. Demi couldn’t help but to plug her nose as Electivire did the same. Lapras let out a cry of despair as she didn’t have the option to cover her nose.

“I’m Jimmy, and you should get use to this. It’s the smell of victory.” Jimmy continued. Demi was tempted to simply to walk out, but this was the perfect opportunity for a battle.

“Here’s the deal kid. I challenge you to a battle, and winner gets two Crystal Poke Balls. Deal?” Demi asked, trying her best not to breathe through her nose.

“I accept, but wouldn’t it easier to just hand over the crystals now?” Jimmy jokingly said. Demi let out a sarcastic laugh, and began her exit of the mine.

“Where you going?” Jimmy questioned.

“Outside,” Demi started, “cause you already filled the mines with your stank, we might as well let it outside.” Jimmy’s face became serious as they walked outside. It was finally getting darker, which meant people would start setting up camp for rests now. After this battle was over, Demi would do the same, and she was confident that this battle wouldn’t take long.

“Golem, you’re up.” Jimmy whispered. The turtle-like Pokemon waddled to the front of his trainer, awaiting his orders. Demi turned to Lapras, not needing to say any words. The sea monster flapped its flippers, sending her forward, inch by inch. Demi was becoming progressively less confident in the ability for Lapras beating a Pokemon that always moving.

“Jimmy, I guess you get the first move.” Demi spoke. A smile swiftly stretched across Jimmy’s greasy face, giving Demi a sick feeling in her stomach.

“Golem, give her a Thunder Punch.” Jimmy commanded. Golem raised its dirty brown fist into the air, charging electricity around it. The Rock-type Pokemon lunged forward, making its way towards Lapras.

“Lapras, use Hydro Pump!” Demi yelled. Lapras cocked her head back, circulating the water in front of her mouth. Throwing her head forward, she released the orb of water. The orb slammed into the Golem, sending a deafening noise through the air, as if a gun had just gone off. Golem was sent flying, landing on its back. The Megaton Pokemon was stuck on its back, frantically flapping its arms and legs trying to get up.

“Now, follow up with Body Slam.” Demi ordered her confidence increasing. Lapras charged forward, pushing up off her fins to jump up. She was unsuccessful in her attempt as she fell forward, her head crashing into the ground. She let out a cry of pain before regaining her composure, and going for another Body Slam. It was too late. Golem had already gotten up, and was rolling towards Lapras. With no time to dodge, Demi had to do something quick.

“Ice Beam towards the ground, Lapras!” Demi shot out. Lapras barely got the command, and hastily released a light blue beam towards the ground, curving her head to make a road ice. Golem rolled upon the trail of ice, breaking it as he rolled along. Shards of ice clang to the cracks in his shell, forcing him to wobble as he rolled. Soon, he was out of control and with the ice in his shell stabbing the ground, Golem was forced to stop. Again, stuck on his back, Golem was exposed to any attack. Demi regained her confidence, and figured out which strategy she would use to finish of the match.

“Lapras, Sing!” Demi confidently let out. Lapras head began swirling around, and her voice bellowed from her throat as she began singing. Her voice was calming and beautiful, and before Golem or Jimmy could do anything about it, Golem was asleep. Lapras ended her song, and stared down at the enemy in front of her.

“Now we can finish this. Lapras, Hydro Pump, one more time.” Lapras repeated her movements again, and cocked her head back. This time, she charged up the orb for several seconds. Once at the optimal strength, Lapras threw her head forwards, releasing the orb of water. The orb again smashed against her enemy’s front chest. Golem let out a shriek of pain, being awakened by the force of the Hydro Pump. Jimmy’s Pokemon skidded across the ground, cracking up the rest of ice road. Golem skidded to a stop, with swirls in his eyes. He was knocked out, and Lapras had won the match, without Golem even landing one hit on her. Demi had made the right choice by capturing Lapras, and Ivry made the wrong one letting it go. Yes, I got my first win, and I get two more Crystal Poke Balls.

“Not so fast, what ever your name is, I still have one Pokemon left. It just so happens that this one is my strongest,” Jimmy started, returning Golem to his Poke Ball. Jimmy removed another one and kissed it before tossing it. The sick feeling returned in Demi as the ball opened. The red light extended, releasing a Pokemon that had to be at least twenty feet tall. Demi gazed up as the Pokemon’s image became clear. The Pokemon was golden, outrageously tall and slender, and it reminded her of an Onix.

“Behold the almighty, Steelix. A shiny one at that.” Jimmy uttered, throwing his hands into the air. “Now, Steelix, let’s show of your strength and use Thunder Fang!” The golden snake lowered its head and pounced towards Lapras. Demi was shocked by the speed of the Steelix, and didn’t even have time to respond. Steelix wrapped its jaws around Lapras’ shell as electricity surged through them. Lapras screamed out, trying to pull away from the Pokemon’s jaws. Her effort was futile as Steelix would not let up. Demi didn’t even know a move in her arsenal that would get Steelix off of Lapras.

“You scared? No problem, it happens to everyone. Don’t worry, I’ll make this easy on you and I’ll finish this. Steelix, toss Lapras away.” Jimmy declared. Steelix lifted its bulky head, and threw Lapras back with little ease. Lapras crashed down, landing on her head; it was an instant knock out. Demi pulled out Lapras’ Poke Ball, and allowed her to rest in it. She held the Poke Ball to her chest closed her eyes, and said nothing. Jimmy sported a look of confusion as Demi did nothing. He was even more confused when Electivire started to laugh.

“Hey, what’s up with you?” Jimmy inquired. Demi looked up, and joined her Partner Pokemon in laughter.

“Don’t worry about me. I was only saying the Avenger’s Prayer.” Demi started, “You see, the Avenger’s Prayer is said every time I come down to my last Pokemon. On that Pokemon’s honor, I swear that I will defeat my enemy using my last Pokemon. You wanna guess who my last Pokemon is?” Jimmy took a step back, showing the fear in his eyes. His Steelix reassured him with a quiet roar. Jimmy shook it off, and returned to his spot.

“Bring it on. No matter what you do, you can’t beat my Steelix.” Jimmy told. Demi’s body was brimming with laughter. Everyone she fought who thought that their Pokemon was unbeatable actually turned out to be her easiest wins. She held her laughter in, and turned to Electivire, who was already charging electricity through out her body.

“Now, face the Avenger, Electivire!” Demi proclaimed, her Pokemon confidently steeping forward. Electivire looked up at the Steel Snake, not intimidated one bit. Electivire spread her knees apart, and lowered her arms into a fighting stance. Steelix lowered its head, meeting eye to eye with Electivire. The two Pokemon’s eyes squinted, showing the seriousness of the battle. This was Electivire’s first real battle since he lost as an Electabuzz at the Pokemon League. That was the only time Demi did not say the Avenger’s Prayer, and now she regretted it. Though she took a break after her loss, she knew that Electivire had it in her to win. Without order, electricity began circulating in Electivire’s hand, as she let out a roar signaling to her trainer to start. Steelix mimicked, roaring at his trainer as well.

“Well then, let’s begin.” Demi announced.
__________________
CRYSTAL CALLINGS

Click it if you want to read
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-20-2009, 08:41 AM
Graceful_Suicune's Avatar
Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Ashley's pants
Posts: 4,886
Send a message via AIM to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Yahoo to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Skype™ to Graceful_Suicune
Default Re: The Crystal Callings

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
“Elec vire electivire.” Demi’s partner mumbled.
It it were me, I would put commas after "Elec" and "vire", but now that I think of it... When we talk, we don't have commas after every word. xD Oh well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
The ball released the red light once more, this time, releasing the Lapras.
The first comma I would replace with a double hyphen, and then before: 'this', I would write 'but'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
The three approached the corner, and kneeled by it.
I'm not particularly sure about these kinda of things, but I would write: 'knelt', and get rid of the comma. :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Sure enough, it was a Pokemon, a Golem to be exact.
Second comma would be better off as a double hyphen. :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Then again, it is a Rock-type Pokemon.
Saying 'is' without it being a thought or speech is incorrect. Since it is written in past tense, it has to be 'was'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
She shot a stream of water towards the Golem, hitting in directly.
TYPO! xD Should be 'it'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
The voice echoed through out the empty mine, carrying the annoying tone the person used.
'throughout' is one word. :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
The Golem stopped walking, once it reached Lapras.
Comma needs to go. :P

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Who ever owns this Lapras isn’t worth are time.”
'are' should be 'our', and 'whoever' is one word.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
“Here’s the deal kid.
Should be a comma after 'deal'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
cause you already filled the mines with your stank, we might as well let it outside.”
Writing 'cause' that was means 'cause' as in: 'to cause trouble'. Because what you want is abbreviated from 'because', you need to put an apostrophe before the 'c'.

Personally, I would put: 'stench', not 'stank'--because 'stank' is the past tense of 'stink'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Demi was becoming progressively less confident in the ability for Lapras beating a Pokemon that always moving.
You need to put a 'was' between 'that' and 'always'. And maybe 'in' could be 'with'?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Demi ordered her confidence increasing.
Comma after 'ordered'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Lapras head began swirling around, and her voice bellowed from her throat as she began singing.
Because it's possessive, there needs to be an apostrophe after the 's' in 'Lapras'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Demi had made the right choice by capturing Lapras, and Ivry made the wrong one letting it go.
There should be 'by' between 'one' and 'letting'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
“Not so fast, what ever your name is, I still have one Pokemon left.
'what ever' should be one word. And that second comma should be a full stop. It's the end on a sentence. x3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
“Now, Steelix, let’s show of your strength and use Thunder Fang!”
Should be 'off'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
She held the Poke Ball to her chest closed her eyes, and said nothing.
There should be a comma after 'chest'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
and turned to Electivire, who was already charging electricity through out her body.
Again, 'though out' is one word.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
This was Electivire’s first real battle since he lost as an Electabuzz at the Pokemon League.
Typo. Should be 'she'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Without order, electricity began circulating in Electivire’s hand, as she let out a roar signaling to her trainer to start.
the comma after 'hand' can go, and you can put it between 'roar' and 'signaling'.

Anyways, no worries! :D I like your stories, and I'm happy to review them. :3
By the way, if you're worried about losing anything--just copy and paste it somewhere.
If you're not already, you should write it up in a Word document. :3

~Xanthe.
__________________
Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-23-2009, 01:17 AM
Rage12's Avatar
Rage12 Offline
Elite Trainer
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: in the shadow realm
Posts: 702
Default Re: The Crystal Callings-(NEW CHAPTER UP)

Short chapter. Not much else to say.

Thanks Graceful_Suicune for supporting this and reviewing it. I always hope for the story line to reel people in rather than my horrible skills at writing. I'm surprised I haven't abandoned this story. I usually give up if only one person comments.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````` `````````````
Chapter 3-

“Thunderbolt!” Demi dictated. Electivire hastily shot a stream of electricity towards her enemy. Steelix, without order, rolled to side, dodging the attack with ease. The attack wasn’t totally unsuccessful, as it did manage to hit an unsuspecting Quilava. The unlucky Pokemon was knocked unconscious. This was not the concern of either trainer at the moment though.

Demi glanced to her right side, and found something unusual. There were bushes, moving around behind them. A round object was centered in the bush, making Demi even more suspicious. Soon she realized that the object was a camera lens. The give away was a tired Ivry, exiting a Pokemon Center. Through the darkness, Demi could see the Crystal Poke Balls on her belt. She began counting them and was astonished by the amount. Already, Ivry managed to win fifteen Crystal Balls.

“Hey, pay attention to the battle!” Jimmy exclaimed, bringing Demi back into reality. Demi turned back to the battle, finding her Pokemon sprawled out on the ground. Electivire wasn’t affected by the attack much, considering she picked herself up. Demi could hear chuckling in the background, causing her to turn back. Ivry had joined the camera crew behind the bush, and worse, seemed to be mocking her.

“Watch this, Ivry.” Demi started. Ivry rose up from the bushes, grabbing the diva’s attention. “I’ll finish this battle in one more attack. That way, you can really see the strength of, Electivire. If the Steelix manages to survive this attack, I’ll forfeit the battle, and give up my two Crystal Poke Balls.” Demi turned back to the battle at hand, ready to make her final move. She looked Electivire in the eyes, and the Pokemon nodded. Without an order, Electivire surrounded her body in electricity. The lightning soon jumped to the Thunderbolt Pokemon’s right arm.

“Now!” Demi spoke, signaling Electivire to take off. Demi’s Partner Pokemon charged full speed at the Steel Snake, his large head trying to keep up with his enemy. Before Steelix could make a move, Electivire leaped into the air, pushing off her two tails. The Electric-type Pokemon cocked her fist back, and then released it, thrusting it forward. Her fist collided with Steelix’s head, paralyzing it. Electivire dropped to the ground, and stood next to her trainer. The frozen Steelix wobbled and regained its composure, only to fall to the ground. The eye swirls made their infamous appearance once again, this time taking Steelix as its host. Demi glanced back at Ivry. Her Sceptile was out of his Poke Ball, standing beside her, sporting the same glare her trainer did. Demi expected another argument, but surprisingly got something else. Ivry and Sceptile both began clapping, congratulating the victor.

“Good job, Demi. Now maybe if you battled like that back at the Pokemon League, you might have won.” Ivry spoke. Demi smiled, hoping that she something broke through Ivry, and was finally turning her into a normal person. “Then again, who am I kidding? We both know that no one, even you could beat me.” She stated as she trailed off into the city, laughing. Her Sceptile remained static for a second, glaring at Electivire as she did the same to him. With a scoff, the Pokemon turned and made his exit as well. By now Demi’s hope had faded away. She figured there was no hope for Ivry, unless she beat her in the final round, which just happened to be exactly what she intended on doing. Turning back to the battlefield, she found her opponent trying to make a quiet exit.

“Hold on. I believe you owe me Two Crystal Poke Balls.” Demi voiced. Jimmy stopped in his tracks and let out a long groan. He took out the two Poke Balls and tossed them on the ground. The two balls shattered on the ground, scattering glass everywhere. Jimmy laughed as he unfolded his bicycle, and rode off. Is there any good people left in this world?

Electivire tapped Demi’s shoulder and pointed north. The hurt Quilava had just awoke, and was now making an attempt to stand. The Pokemon dropped back to the ground, letting out a low growl, probably calling out to its family. Demi couldn’t help but feel sorry for the Pokemon. She did cause the problem which made it her responsibility to fix it. Demi pulled out another Poke Ball and made her way over to the Quilava. She kneeled down beside the Pokemon and pressed the button in the center of the ball. The ball grew to normal size, allowing a capture to take place.

“I’m sorry buddy. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I guess it would make since to capture you though. That way, I can make up for my mistake.” Demi said soothingly, calming down the Pokemon. The red light emitted from the Poke Ball engulfed the weakened Quilava. With little resistance, the ball clicked, allowing for an easy capture.

“Three down, three to go. We're getting through this pretty fast.” Demi told Electivire.
__________________
CRYSTAL CALLINGS

Click it if you want to read

Last edited by Rage12; 04-23-2009 at 01:21 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 04-23-2009, 08:48 AM
Graceful_Suicune's Avatar
Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Ashley's pants
Posts: 4,886
Send a message via AIM to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Yahoo to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Skype™ to Graceful_Suicune
Default Re: The Crystal Callings-(NEW CHAPTER UP)

Naw, your writing is fine! :D Very good actually. There are just typos and some incorrect grammar here and there. :3 Everybody makes mistakes! ^^

And no worries at all. :D I'm happy to be able to read your story and help you with it! :D
Now for some grammar checks:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
There were bushes, moving around behind them.
This comma can go.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
The give away was a tired Ivry, exiting a Pokemon Center.
That comma can go. And 'give away' should be one word.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
That way, you can really see the strength of, Electivire.
You can kill off this comma, too. :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Demi smiled, hoping that she something broke through Ivry, and was finally turning her into a normal person.
You should probably get rid of 'she', and then the sentence would make sense. :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
We both know that no one, even you could beat me.”
The comma would be better off as a hyphen, and then another hyphen should go after 'you'. And maybe you should put a 'not' after 'even' (after the hyphen).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Is there any good people left in this world?
'Is' should be 'Are', because 'people' is plural. :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
“I’m sorry buddy. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I guess it would make since to capture you though.
You should probably put a comma after 'sorry', and 'since' should be 'sense'. :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
With little resistance, the ball clicked, allowing for an easy capture.
That 'for' is better off not there. :3 Also, basically the same sentence was written a little earlier--at the end of the paragraph before this one.

Also, maybe for the Quilava part, you could point out that it was a random wild one who had wandered into the scene. At first, I wasn't sure if it was a trainers or a wild one, or why it was there. x3 Also, a little more description of the Quilava would've been better. :3

So yeah! :D I'll be looking forward to the next chapter. :3
I don't want you to cancel it! D:

~Xanthe.
__________________
Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 04-25-2009, 06:19 PM
Rage12's Avatar
Rage12 Offline
Elite Trainer
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: in the shadow realm
Posts: 702
Default Re: The Crystal Callings-(Chapter 3 up)

Thanks. I don't want to stop either, but I'll try not too. I've lasted this long, and I just hope that at least one more person will comment. That's all I need to keep going.

I'll start working on the next chapter soon.
__________________
CRYSTAL CALLINGS

Click it if you want to read
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 04-26-2009, 12:18 AM
Graceful_Suicune's Avatar
Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Ashley's pants
Posts: 4,886
Send a message via AIM to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Yahoo to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Skype™ to Graceful_Suicune
Default Re: The Crystal Callings-(Chapter 3 up)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rage12 View Post
Thanks. I don't want to stop either, but I'll try not too. I've lasted this long, and I just hope that at least one more person will comment. That's all I need to keep going.

I'll start working on the next chapter soon.
Okay. :3

Well, what I did was make myself (somewhat) known around PE2K so when I posted my story, people would know who I was and perhaps want to read it. :3
Maybe you could ask your friends to read it? :O (In your contacts here, I mean)

~Xanthe.
__________________
Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 04-26-2009, 11:49 PM
TheDarkEevee's Avatar
TheDarkEevee Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Fightin' for my life in the UG
Posts: 908
Default Re: The Crystal Callings-(Chapter 3 up)

Wow, I'm so sorry I didn't notice this fic yet.

I must say, you are doing very well, except for those pesky typos which Graceful Suicuine seems to be pointing out very well. Here are tips and questions:

Question: Why exactly did the second most powerful trainer in the Sinnoh region only have one Pokemon? Highly doubtful that she could get past the Elite Four with only an Electabuzz.

Tip: Use a little more descriptive language. I'm not saying that you're not using enough description, but I think that it would enrich the story if you added a little more.

Tip: Fix those typo's as soon as they're spotted. It improves the overally story.

And that's all for now. I hope that that helps, and once again, I'm sorry I didn't notice this fic

~TheDarkEevee
__________________
I'm baaaaaack. :3
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04-27-2009, 08:48 AM
Graceful_Suicune's Avatar
Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Ashley's pants
Posts: 4,886
Send a message via AIM to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Yahoo to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Skype™ to Graceful_Suicune
Default Re: The Crystal Callings-(Chapter 3 up)

x3 Nice, Dark Eevee. xD

I think she said that a few times ago when she was editing her post, some of her story got deleted...which is why she hasn't editing it yet. :3 But yeah, it would be better.

I agree with the other things you said, and I'm sure it'll make Rage much happier to have you following as well. ^^

~Xanthe.
__________________
Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 04-27-2009, 06:23 PM
Apollo the Incinermyn's Avatar
Apollo the Incinermyn Offline
Amateur Trainer
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 72
Default Re: The Crystal Callings-(Chapter 3 up)

Could've done without the character bios before the story. Not that its against the rules or anything, just looks a little unrefined to me... But then, I'm stuck on the PokeCommunity standards, i.e. not to volunteer details right off the bat.

Otherwise, it's pretty compelling. Nice progressiveness to it, I think. Good job!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 07-30-2009, 11:30 PM
Rage12's Avatar
Rage12 Offline
Elite Trainer
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: in the shadow realm
Posts: 702
Default Re: The Crystal Callings-(Chapter 3 up)[Pg-13]

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to do this either, but I'll go for it and see if anything happens.

Chapter 4-

“Here you go Ms. Tatum.” Nurse Joy stated as a Chancey carried two Poke balls out to Demi. Lapras and Electivire were the only two in battle, though Electivire refused to get healed, unless he really needed to. Lapras and Quilava were the Pokemon that needed healing, though Quilava actually had no part in the battle. Demi was just grateful to have three Pokemon in her arsenal. She now had the upper hand in the tournament, or at least she thought she did.

“Thank you.” Demi said when her Pokemon were handed to her. She attached them to the left side of her belt, where three other empty Poke balls rested. On the left were five Crystal Balls. She should have seven, but thanks to Jimmy, she was left with what she started with. Next time, she would bet all her Crystal Balls, despite it being against the rules. They wouldn’t disqualify her for it. They invited Demi so she could battle Ivry in the finals. So if she managed to win the match they would let that slip, as if it never happened. Then all she had to do afterwards is beat two Guardians. That would give twenty Crystal Balls. Then all she had to do was beat one more trainer who didn’t care about rules. Then she would have a guaranteed spot in the finals in only a few days.

Demi exited the Pokemon Center, only to find cameras and lights flashing in her face. It was the paparazzi again, asking her different questions this time. “Are you aware that you injured a Pokemon during your match? You won but received no Crystal Balls are you going to report this to the Tournament Committee?” Demi ignored each question and walked silently along side Electivire. She might as well get used to the cameras; they were going to follow her no matter where she went. They only wanted footage of her so they could edit it in to Ivry’s documentary. If she ignored them, they couldn’t do much with the footage, besides putting stills of Demi into it.

“Hey, Demi, how does it feel to know that you’re going to lose again to Ivry?” The paparazzi questioned.

“Well, I feel that question is a very stupid question, because the truth is, I’m not going to lose. It doesn’t matter what Pokemon she has, the fact is, I’m going to win.” Demi replied confidently. A cluster of “oohs” erupted from in the midst of the flashes and lights. It was like grade school children when someone got in trouble.

“Are you sure about that Ms.Tatum? Ivry did manage to catch a Mespirit, which is a Legendary Pokemon. Unless you catch a Legendary Pokemon, which is highly unlikely, I don’t think you can beat her. So the better question would be: how do you plan on beating her?” The paparazzi said, seeking an answer. Demi wasn’t sure anymore. When she landed in Sinnoh she was sure she had the tournament won. When she battled with Lapras, she was even surer, and even though she hadn’t battled with him yet, she was sure that she would win when she caught Quilava. Now Ivry managed to catch one Legendary Pokemon, and Demi lost all doubt in herself.

“Back up off the girl. Give her some space.” A voice let out. Demi recognized it, but couldn’t remember who it belonged to. The voice was masculine, so it couldn’t be Ivry, plus Ivry would be throwing a fit by now, if the cameras weren’t pointed at her. She remembered hearing the voice at the Pokemon League, right before she battled Ivry, but for the life of her, she couldn’t remember. She didn’t know very many boys, so she didn’t know why it was so hard to figure out who it was.

Surprisingly, the paparazzi listened to the boy, and left after taking a few more pictures. The boy walked over to Demi, holding his head down. His brown hair hung down covering his face, his hands were in his pockets, and he looked at everything besides Demi. Whoever the boy was, he had a crush on her.

“Thank you, whoever you are, but you didn’t need to step in.” Demi spoke. The boy finally looked up, staring her directly in the eye. Both trainers couldn’t help but smile at each other. The smile was what Demi needed. Now she remembered who he was. His name was Trevor, and he just happened to be the person Demi was supposed to battle in the Semi-finals of the Pokemon League. Unfortunately, a family emergency caused a forfeit, and sent Demi to the top of the bracket to battle Ivry.

“I remember you. Your name is Trevor right?” She questioned, extending her hand to Trevor. He did the same, and grabbed her hand to slightly shake it. He nodded, still a little nervous.

“I had the biggest crush on you when I saw you back at the Pokemon League.” Demi stated. She couldn’t see Electivire’s actions, but Demi could tell her partner was pretending to gag. Demi elbowed Electivire, urging her Pokemon to stop. Electivire growled, turning her back on her trainer.

“I did too,” Trevor started, finally figuring out something to say, “and to be true, I still do.” In an instant, Demi couldn’t help herself but to crush on him again. Trevor was simple, and she liked that. He wore a white t-shirt, jeans, and white sneakers. He was tall, not too muscular, but not to out of shape. His brown hair was neck length, straight, and clean. He was a perfect match for Demi, but she didn’t know if she was ready for a relationship right now. She had a bad feeling that something horrible would happen if she decided to go out with him. Yet, she couldn’t help herself to stop flirting with him.

“Oh, you are so cute.” Demi paused before she could say anything else. “Well it is getting dark out, so I guess I should go find someplace to stay.” Demi waved goodbye, and turned around, nudging Electivire. The two started to walk off, hoping that would end the conversation.

“Wait, I got a room at the Hotel Grand Lake, if you don’t already have a place to stay.” Trevor announced. Demi knew what would happen if she went with him. She would act like other teenage girls, and she would do something stupid. Then she’d regret it, plus it would take her mind off the tournament, and beating Ivry. She wanted to say yes so bad, but she knew she couldn’t. She didn’t even have a way of getting there.
“I would love to go, but how would we get there before nightfall?” Demi inquired. She figured Trevor had no answer, and would side with Demi and leave. Demi even wondered how he would make it there by himself before night, and she was wondering what he was doing all the way in Sandgem Town when the hotel was by Lake Valor.

“Oh, that’s no problem. I have a Charizard who is pretty fast. We can get there in about an hour.” Trevor responded. Demi was conflicted now. She didn’t know what to say. Her mind was telling her no, but her heart was telling her yes. It was also her heart that said she should be friends with Ivry, so she considered not listening to it. Say no, Demi. Say no.

“Then yes I will go. Plus, riding on a Charizard will give me a chance to hold on to you.” Demi playfully stated. Trevor’s smile grew even bigger as he pulled out a Poke ball and tossed it forward. A red light jumped from the ball and formed the shape of a Charizard. The dragon like creature left out a roar, and a small flare. It immediately lowered his neck afterwards, allowing the two to board the Pokemon. Demi removed her necklace and pressed the button on her Poke ball, forcing Electivire to return for the first time in years. She placed the necklace back around her neck and wrapped her arms around Trevor’s waist.

“You ready?” Trevor queried.

“Yep.” Demi answered. Trevor nodded, and then tapped his Charizard’s neck.

“Ok then. Better hold on, this ride might get a little bumpy,” Trevor started, “now Burns, take off. We’re going back to the hotel.” Burns, the Charizard, roared once more, than flapped his wings, kicking up dust. One more flap and Burns took off with great speed. Demi couldn’t help but scream. It was like a roller coaster at an amusement park, just with no loops or dips.

Back on the Ground
“Call for a chopper, I need to be picked up.” Ivry said, dusting herself off. “I don’t know why I follow that girl around. I’m always getting dirty spying on her. It’s disgusting. I’m already guaranteed my spot in the final, there has to be something else to do.”

“Well Ms. Aerin, we overheard that the boy was taking her to a hotel. We might get some good footage there.” One of the cameramen told. Ivry let out a low giggle as she realized waited.

“We need to get to that hotel then. If Demi really is a *****, like I think, then she’s going to do something that should be kept behind closed doors. It’s too bad we are going to open them.” Ivry uttered.
__________________
CRYSTAL CALLINGS

Click it if you want to read
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 07-31-2009, 01:44 AM
KantoChamp46's Avatar
KantoChamp46 Offline
Elite Trainer
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The great US of A!
Posts: 661
Default Re: The Crystal Callings-(Chapter 4 finally up)[Pg-13]

Very nice story so far, keep up the good work!

I have to say that what caught my eye at the beginning is the fact that you're starting this story with fairly experienced trainers with very experience Pokemon, and kicking things off immediately with a rivalry. It's kinda cool, actually. I also like your originality with the whole tournament thing going on. Definitely different from the normal bracket thing and all that. I like it.

Keep it up! I'll be following this one closely!
__________________
Fanfiction Archive | URPG Trainer Stats | Coordinator Stats | Faves

98% of teens won't stand up for God. If you're one of the 2% who will, place this somewhere in your signature.

Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:26 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: AlienSector.com