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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 04-12-2009, 03:15 PM
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Default A Magikrappy Story

A Magikrappy Story


“Thanks!” Jake said as he accepted the grimy fishing rod.

“Remember, you can’t catch much with that thing seeing as it’s only an Old Rod,” said the grumpy man. “Have it back by four, you have three hours.”

“Don’t worry, I will,” Jake shouted as he sprinted out the door. He looked around as he exited the old cabin. He looked up at the rusty sign that looked like it was about to collapse. It read “Rent A Rod” in huge, what used to be red, letters.

He looked around for an empty walkway, but most of them were packed. He didn’t want to fish with others around him cause he was unsure of his fishing skills and didn’t want to make a fool out of himself. He saw an empty fishing spot right at the end of a walkway and hurried over to it, scuffing his trainers in the mud.

As he got the end of the walkway he tripped and fell, almost throwing the rod into the sea. “Ow!” he moaned as he got up, brushing dirt of his brown t-shirt. He took of his rucksack and picked up the Old Rod. “How do I use this thing?” he said to himself. The rod was extremely basic. It didn’t even have a reel. After all, it was a beginners rod and Jake was obviously a beginner.

He sat down with his feet dangling over the water and slowly let the rod slide into the water. As he waited for a bite he got a sandwich out of his bag and started eating.

Ten minutes later he began to get annoyed. “Why isn’t anything biting!” he moaned. He looked down at the big bag of bait next to him that he had bought at the same time rented out the rod. “Oops,” he said, realising he had forgot to put bait on the end of the rod. He pulled the rod up and attached the bait to the hook. He realised the bait was chopped up bits of Wurmple. “Nice,” he said as he lowered the rod into the water for the second time.

As he waited he looked at the horizon. The sun was reflecting off of the sparkling crystal clear ocean. He saw several pokemon in the distance diving up from the water, but he couldn’t tell what they were. There were a flock of Pelliper flying overhead with some Barboach in there huge beaks.

As he was daydreaming he didn’t notice that a Wingull was pecking at his bait. “Hey, get off!” he said agitated at the Wingull. He flung his arms wildly at it but it just ignored him. “Fine then you asked for it,” Jake said looking smug. He pulled a red and white Pokeball from his pocket and hurled it into the air. “Go Pachirisu!” A small white, squirrel-like Pokemon emerged from the ball in a big beam of crimson light.

“Pachy!” the Pokemon yelled excitedly.

“Okay Pachirisu, use discharge on that pesky Wingull.” The Pachirisu released several bolts of electric blue lightning in every direction.

“WOAH!” Jake yelled as the thunder narrowly missed him.

“WINGULL!” the pesky bird screamed in pain and flew off into the distance.

“Good work Pachirisu,” Jake said patting the pleased Pokemon on the head. “Huh?” he turned his head to see that something was tugging at the rod. “Alright, how do I do this?” Jake said nervously. Seeing as the rod didn’t have a reel he began pulling up the string carefully. As the end of the rod emerged from the water, a red fish was dangling on the end of the hook. “Alright it’s a Magikarp!” The Magikarp flopped on the walkway helplessly. “This’ll be easy,” he said looking confident. “Okay Pachirisu, use Quick Attack!”

Pachirisu ran at Magikarp extremely quickly. Unexpectedly, Magikarp flung itself into the air and dodged the attack. As it came back down it slammed itself into Pachirisu. “What the…” Jake said, amazed by the powerful Magikarp. “Okay use Spark!”

Pachirisu’s cheeks began to shoot small bolts of electricity and then it jumped at Magikarp whilst releasing the stored electricity. Pachirisu hit Magikarp directly and sent the fish flying. “KARP!” the Pokemon shouted as it hit the rough walkway.

“Okay Pachirisu finish it with Quick Attack!” Pachirisu rammed itself into the fried fish knocking it out cold. Sean pulled a Pokeball from his pocket and hurled it at the knocked out Magikarp. “Go Pokeball!” Jake yelled as the Magikarp was sucked into the ball by the eerie red light. The ball landed on the walkway with a thud. The ball rolled once. Jake gritted his teeth with anticipation. The ball rolled twice…


Pokemon going for~ Magikarp
Characters~ 4280
Ready for grading!
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  #2  
Old 04-19-2009, 01:52 PM
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Default Re: A Magikrappy Story

Introduction:

Meh. The introduction was only so-so. It gave a general overview of the setting. However, there was very little description of the main character to be found. Despite being just a Magikarp story, your introduction should still give the reader an idea of what your main character looks like.

Story/Plot:

It really wasn’t very strong, and I think that goes without saying. Just because you’re writing for an Easiest-category Pokemon doesn’t mean you should just write the simplest plot that comes to mind because you think you can catch a Pokemon with it. Though I haven’t read them, I also know you’ve already got two stories under your belt (I do mah research), so I know it’s not just that you don’t have experience writing yet. It’s always a good idea to practice thinking up creative plots, even when writing really easy Pokemon, because it will help you in the long run when you go for harder ones.

Detail/Description:

While the story wasn’t totally devoid of description, it was certainly pretty sparse. Even in a really short story, you can load every paragraph with sensory details. For example, the sounds and smells of the beach could come into play many times throughout the story. When you go for harder Pokemon, you’re going to need more than a sentence or two of description in each paragraph to develop it more and make it seem like you didn’t just rush through the story.

Grammar/Spelling:

I didn’t notice any huge errors, but one thing I made notice of were a couple places where you substituted the word ‘of’ for ‘off.’ It’s nothing huge, but it does just go to show that you could be a little more careful while writing, and perhaps proofread a little more closely. But, everyone makes mistakes, so it’s not the end of the world.

Length:

Fine by me.

Battle:

Well, what can I say, when half the battle is a fish out of water? Normally, I would tell you that the battle should have been longer, more two-sided (so it doesn’t seem like one Pokemon is completely dominating the other), and should have much more description to make it more exciting. But it is a Magikarp, so it’s not like it can do much more than flop up into the air and come back down on its opponent (as it did).

Outcome:

Despite the fact that each section was really not so great, I would feel really awkward failing a Magikarp story unless it was absolutely terrible. So, Magikarp captured. Remember, just because this passed for a Magikarp doesn't mean it's anywhere near acceptable for harder Pokemon, so keep working and I'm sure you'll do fine.
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I can probably take some grading requests now. But don't all rush me at once. :/

Last edited by Elrond; 04-19-2009 at 02:09 PM.
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  #3  
Old 04-19-2009, 02:14 PM
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Default Re: A Magikrappy Story

Okay thanks for the grade. I did sorta rush this story but in future I will take into account what you said!
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