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  #2371  
Old 04-15-2009, 02:05 AM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

I posted a fanfic, It's called Moonlight. I have posted the first chapter of it, read it.
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  #2372  
Old 04-18-2009, 04:06 AM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

I posted a new chapter in my fanfic, but its rather long compared to the other ones, so I'm wondering why nobody has replied to it yet. Anyways, I would highly appreciate it if at least one person gave feedback on any of the 3 chapters I posted.

http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/foru...ad.php?t=95224

Yeah, that's it. I just want feedback before writing the next chapter so I know what to focus on.
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  #2373  
Old 04-20-2009, 12:35 AM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

In a story that is written all in limited first person how would you go about showing flashbacks as someone is telling them a story? Would it be okay to break into 3rd person just for those times? I know just about everything about writing first person expect for this..And no, I have no plans to ever write it all in 3rd person

Also, how would you write something like a montage to show the scenes from a certain passage of time? I don't want to dwell on what happens in this certain time period, but I don't want to skip over it as it shows many of the growing connections between the characters...
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  #2374  
Old 04-20-2009, 01:03 AM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

You should probably keep it in first person, unless the flashback is a different character's. First person should always be kept in first person.
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  #2375  
Old 04-20-2009, 01:18 AM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

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Originally Posted by Lusankya View Post
You should probably keep it in first person, unless the flashback is a different character's. First person should always be kept in first person.
But still, if it is the character visualizing a story being told I think it would flip over to 3rd person... My main character is very vocal in her mind, so it would otherwise have her talking to herself about things, and for this I would rather the scene and the mood just speak for itself. This wouldn't be a common thing, and it would not be like it still isn't in her pov in a fashion, since it would still be limited... It is sort of like when someone tells you only certain things about what they know, you would know no more of the details than they knew, and then that would get run though how you saw the world, without knowing any history to put it in prospective...
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Last edited by Orange_Flaaffy; 04-20-2009 at 01:21 AM.
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  #2376  
Old 04-20-2009, 01:19 AM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

Quote:
Originally Posted by Orange_Flaaffy View Post
In a story that is written all in limited first person how would you go about showing flashbacks as someone is telling them a story? Would it be okay to break into 3rd person just for those times? I know just about everything about writing first person expect for this..And no, I have no plans to ever write it all in 3rd person

Also, how would you write something like a montage to show the scenes from a certain passage of time? I don't want to dwell on what happens in this certain time period, but I don't want to skip over it as it shows many of the growing connections between the characters...
When I write Trial of Juno, I try pretty hard to avoid having it change to third person, but sometimes I can't help it. Unless its in the WAY beginning, I don't recommend it. I'm sure I confused a few people with ToJ III's ending, but there was no other way to go about doing it unless I changed the ending completely.

Again, if its in the beginning as the prologue, I think you'll be fine. I know a lot of games start off in a very third person like format, and after the intro is done, you'll always be focusing on the one main character. Maybe use that as a guide, I think that might work.
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  #2377  
Old 04-20-2009, 01:32 AM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

It's not in the beginning at all, in fact there are a few spots when it is in the middle of things...The thing is,most of my story has running thoughts from my character, both in the present, and when she has dreams about her past that shine light on the person she is...When there are scenes where she is being told things she was not actually there to know/or see when they happened I think it makes more sense that they be in 3rd person as she tries to picture them, since it would be more interesting than a normal 'I listened, he said' scene (which have a lot of) and more emotional to ...
Maybe I should just write it and see what everyone thinks :). I don't think it will be hard to follow..
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  #2378  
Old 04-20-2009, 01:33 AM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

Quote:
Originally Posted by Orange_Flaaffy View Post
But still, if it is the character visualizing a story being told I think it would flip over to 3rd person... My main character is very vocal in her mind, so it would otherwise have her talking to herself about things, and for this I would rather the scene and the mood just speak for itself. This wouldn't be a common thing, and it would not be like it still isn't in her pov in a fashion, since it would still be limited... It is sort of like when someone tells you only certain things about what they know, you would know no more of the details than they knew, and then that would get run though how you saw the world, without knowing any history to put it in prospective...
Well, it's your choice of course. I don't know the exact situation, so I can't say, but that's just the general rule <_< Like Neo said, I doubt you would ever want to change the person except at the beginning or end.
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Dali: "I know what the picture should be ... We take a duck and put some dynamite in its derriere. When the duck explodes, I jump and you take the picture."
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Dali: "You're right. Let's take some cats and splash them with water."
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  #2379  
Old 04-20-2009, 01:36 AM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lusankya View Post
Well, it's your choice of course. I don't know the exact situation, so I can't say, but that's just the general rule <_< Like Neo said, I doubt you would ever want to change the person except at the beginning or end.
The thing is, it goes right back afterward, it is not very long. It would never fill a whole chapter..In a way, it is like parts of a storybook within her mind...
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  #2380  
Old 04-20-2009, 01:49 AM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

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Originally Posted by Orange_Flaaffy View Post
The thing is, it goes right back afterward, it is not very long. It would never fill a whole chapter..In a way, it is like parts of a storybook within her mind...
If this is the case, I don't recommend making the point of view switch. Just have the supporting character explain the flashback as clearly as possible with vivid description. If you really feel the need to add more to that, cue a dream sequence shortly afterword where the character that has the point of view experiences a dream based on the flashback the supporting character told them. It will paint a much better picture without breaking the boundaries.

That's all I can tell you. But really, don't switch point of views, it really screws around with the storyline and confuses readers. If I ever write a ToJ IV, trust me, that's one thing I will especially make sure I don't do again. The more I think about it, the more I come up with ways I could have avoided that in both ToJ I and ToJ III.
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  #2381  
Old 04-20-2009, 03:35 AM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

The way I was thinking of doing it before without braking pov is (I mean the first idea I had), since the kind of vampiric creatures the characters are lose their memories as a sort of emotional protection (long reason here), have the mother of each family have a special way of being the keeper of those blocked memories as sort of a natural way of bonding with/helping them unconsciously... I was going to have many of the characters' past told in flashbacks the main character has as if she is standing there watching parts of their human pasts happening...Since every Mother of a Family would have the power, and it is of no real use in battles, I don't think it would be much of a marysue-isim ..I was afraid others might think it was though, which is what got me worried. But I have been working out this idea in my head for..four years now? Maybe I should just trust in myself
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  #2382  
Old 04-23-2009, 01:11 AM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

I started a fanfiction not too long ago called House, P.C. It's a fanfiction combining many elements of House and Pokémon, and shows my view of what a Pokémon hospital would be if it were more like House, and less like just sticking PokéBalls into a machine and your Pokémon being healed. My "season one" for House, P.C. is described, in a nutshell, like this;

House suddenly finds himself in Saffron City, Kanto, when his life is revolutionized, and he becomes a Pokémon doctor devoted to saving the lives of innocent Pokémon. Filled with new and old characters, the Pokémon Center will be seen from House’s point of view, which can always be an adventure.

The fanfiction is rated PG/PG-13, but I don't remember any part of the fanfiction where it got PG-13 bad, but my guess is that it will, because it's pretty early, and I'm working my way up, not being a doctor an all. I have been given a four star rating, so that hopefully means that my fanfiction is good to an extent, and I hoped by posting here that it would get a little more attention. I posted a House, P.C. Berry Dex and a Master Disease list (plus a couple of other things that you may want to check out) on the second post, along with all of the chapters. Recently, I have posted part one of the fifth chapter, Ratatouille.

If you'd like to check it out, you can click here or my House, P.C. banner in my signature.
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  #2383  
Old 04-25-2009, 02:08 AM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

Hmph, I never saw this nice little board xD

Well yeah, about two weeks ago I posted my first PE2K fanfic. It's called Behind the Eyes of Cipher. Title's pretty self-explanatory, heh.

I absolutely LOVE any and all comments, suggestions, thoughts, or improvements on my writing. I've also been looking for someone to officially review my fic, if that's possible. ^-^ Thanks for reading!
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  #2384  
Old 05-01-2009, 02:32 AM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

Alright, I REALLY need somebody to reply. Nobody has done it since the beginning of the month!

http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/foru...ad.php?t=95224

Anyways, I finished chapter 4 three weeks ago, but I refuse to post it until I get some more feedback, so I would highly appreciate so it so I could finally work on the next chapter...
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  #2385  
Old 05-16-2009, 04:46 PM
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Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

I'm looking for some feedback on my fic, What You Wish For—I'd really appreciate it if anyone wouldn't mind giving me some comments on what they thought of it. Thanks!
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