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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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Old 05-18-2009, 01:47 AM
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Default It's Show Time

"What is the status Jim?" a voice spoke through a communicator.

"We've just arrived in Celadon." Jim replied.

"Seems pretty quiet. You sure you're not just paranoid chief?" a female interrupted.

"I am quite sure. My senses tell me that Darkrai's minions will be there shortly." the voice replied.

"Guys, look over there," the teenager said, pointing to the left.

"Damn! Nice catch Michael. Don't worry Arceus, we'll get those Voidgoons for you!" Jim said, then shut off his communicator.

"Aww, I wanted to see the sights. We don't get to come to Celadon City, let alone Kanto very often. I never get to do ANYTHING!" the girl whined.

"Oh please, you just wanted to go to the Game Corner." another girl remarked.

"Cheryl, Katie, now is not the time for arguing!" Michael yelled.

"Yeah," Jim, the leader, replied as he reached for a Pokeball-shaped watch, "everybody hands up!"

It's Showtime!

The group of four each reached for their red-and-white Poketches. Ahead of them, a large purple cloud wafted menacingly over Celadon City. That cloud was the spawn point for the legendary ghost - Darkrai's - minions. The four teenagers were the first to be called by the God Pokemon, Arceus, to fight this evil menace. They were the Pokerangers.

"Pokeball! Go!" they all yelled as they activated the Pokemorphers.

Each Pokeranger had their own, unique, transformation sequence. Jim, a sixteen-year old African American who led the group, was the first to undergo the transformation. He was running across a the top of a rocky cliff. As his long brown hair blew behind him, so did a trail of flames. After a few seconds, milliseconds in real-time, he reached the edge of the cliff. The boy boldy jumped off, as he had done hundreds of times. A towering inferno rose into the air and engulfed him! The cliff was actually a volcano, which triggers his transformation. Inside the blaze, Jim was being suited up. His body was covered in an orange suit. His feet were given thick boots, which gave him extra weight. Clawed gloves, a long orange tail, and blue wings were added to the ensemble. The most important feature was the last to be added. It was an orange helmet with horns popping out of the back of the top, a long face with open jaws that contained a visor. Jim struck a vicious pose in front of the erupting volcano.

"CHARIZARD RANGER!" he roared.

Cheryl's transformation was more focused on beauty. She stood at the edge of a waterfall, foam spraying at her face, and the wind blowing at the brunette's hair. The fifteen-year old calmly raised her arms upwards. Inhaling the fresh air, she leaned backwards, letting herself fall down the waterfall. The thousands of gallons that rushed down the side of the cliff began forming the costume. She was covered in a blue jumpsuit, yellow boots that had talons, and two surfboard-shaped attachments that went down her arms. The helmet was round with a greyish beak and a golden trident pointing off the top. She splashed into the water below, and then dove out, sparkling all the while.

"Empoleon Ranger." she said gracefully.

Michael, the wild boy, stood in the middle of a power plant. Behind him stood a giant generator. He grabbed two jumper cables and attached them to his nipples! The electricity started the transformation sequence. A yellow jumpsuit with heavy boots and gloves replaced his clothes. His shaved head was covered with a helmet that had two wires sticking out of the back. He emerged from the thunder as the third Pokeranger.

"ELECTIVIRE RANGER!" he roared, detaching the jumper cables.

The final girl, Katie, who was also Michael's girlfriend, sat in the middle of an open field. The green grass swayed with the breeze as she let down her red hair. A giant flower sprouted and engulfed her in its bud. It bloomed, revealing a girl wearing a green jumpsuit with a helmet that had white puffs coming out of it. She clapped her red and blue gloves together.

"Roserade Ranger!" she screeched.

"Looks like the odds are one million to four." the Electivire Ranger commented.

"So should I bet on the Voidgoons?" the Empoleon Ranger asked.

"Sure. Like they always say: 'Bet on the underdogs'." the Charizard Ranger replied smuggly.

"OH YEAH, THE BUCK STOPS HERE!" the Roserade Ranger yelled, being the first to enter the fray.

"Rangers, I am sending you the ultimate weapon, if you use it you can-" Arceus began to say, but was cut-off.

Celadon City, and all those who inhabited it disappeared in a black flash! A young boy turned around, seeing a tall black-haired woman holding a remote control.

"Why'd you do that mom?" the boy asked.

"Today is your tenth birthday," his mom replied, tapping her foot, "I don't care what new weapon the Pokerangers have, I'm not going to let you miss the ritual Nyurgh."

"That's right son," a tall man said, entering the room, "a friend of ours is waiting for you. He graciously volunteered to be your guide."

"Okay then." Nyurgh replied. "Let's go get my Rotom!"

Nyurgh's family had a special ritual that was inspired by Charon. Charon had befriended a Rotom and built several machines for it to possess. The Rotom faded away when its owner did, but another was born when the Secret Key was placed into the machine Charon created. Every new Rotom after the original read into its new owner's personality and randomly possesses one of the motors. This was done for Nyurgh's parents. Today was Nyurgh's day to undergo the rite of passage.

The father led his son into the basement. He pulled at a lantern that was hanging from the ceiling, opening the secret passage. Lights flicked on, illuminating the thin hallway. At the end of the hall was the large computer that was used to awaken a new Rotom. On a shelf above the machine, the five appliances stood. Rotom would copy one's form and would permanently be that appliance.

"Honey, don't you think the WHOLE family should be here?" the mother asked.

"Yes, it would be appropriate." her husband replied.

So the mother and father tossed out a pair of red-and-white balls. Each ball popped open to reveal a different form of Rotom, the family symbol. The father's Rotom was shaped like a portable fan. It was crimson colored with eyes where the buttons normally are, and surrounded by a light orange glow. The mother's was rectangular with two doors over its chest. The eyes rested above the doors. This form gave off a purple glow.

"Take this Nyurgh," his father said, handing the boy a redheaded key.

The young boy inserted the key into the small module. He proceeded to turn the key, activating the machine. A glowing red egg magically appeared before him. Nyurgh's parents egged him into grabbing it. As soon as his bare hands came in contact with the egg, a surge of electricity pulsed through his body. The boy began to have a minor seizure as the electricity probed his mind. The egg turned into a small red ball and began zipping around the room. It paused at the minature lawnmower, causing the family to gasp. However, the ball failed to copy the form of any of the presented machines. Instead, it turned into a spiked ball that radiated blue energy.


The small Rotom zipped into Nyurgh's arms, once again administering a powerful electric charge. The boy's hair was sizzled as the Plasma Pokemon finally withdrew contact.

"Wait, it didn't take to any form." the boy yelled with surprise. "Does this mean I don't get ANY form?"

"No, it means you have an exact copy of the ORIGINAL Rotom," his father responded, beaming.

All three Rotoms nodded. Nyurgh's mom reached for the shelf and took down the five grey appliances. The family returned to their quaint living room and prepared a small sack for the boy. This sack contained the five machines Charon created for Rotom to possess. Nyurgh stepped into the room after showering off the ash from the electricity. His hair was ridiculous, he wore a navy muscle shirt and red shorts.


"What's with the hair son?" the dad asked.

"Oh, it's a new chapter in my life, so..." Nyurgh stammered.

A thick banging rang from behind the family. Behind the door was a tall, dark-skinned man. He looked to be the same age as Nyurgh's father. He wore a green t-shirt, blue jeans, and his hair was styled in a triangular fauxhawk.

"How's it goin' Sean?" he asked cooly.

"Sean?" Nyurgh asked quizzically.

"Yeah, that's my name," his father replied, "How you been Blackhawk?"

"Blackhawk!?" Nyurgh yelped, "What kind of name is Blackhawk?"

"Nyurgh, don't be rude." his mother scolded him.

"The kid's name is Nyurgh, yet he mocks 'Blackhawk'," Blackhawk commented, grinning.

"Now you two, get along." Sean said. "Blackhawk will be taking care of you until he feels you are skilled enough to fend for yourself."

"Aww, why do I need a chaperone? Besides, he doesn't look half as skilled as you." Nyurgh whined.

"Oh really," Blackhawk replied, reaching into his pants, "Why don't we have ourselves a battle Sean? So I can show off a little."

"Sure, you know who I'll be using," the father replied, following his buddy out of the house.

Outside of the house, Twinleaf Town was peaceful. The grass was green and bent to the will of the wind and those who tread on it. Several subtle houses were constructed in town. Today there was a gentle breeze in the air, some might consider it a sign that a new journey was about to begin, but others could perceive it as a dark omen. The four trainers paid no heed to superstition and focused their attention on the battle. Sean and Blackhawk stood fifty feet away from each other. Both trainers tossed out their chosen Pokemon. Sean's was the Rotom form he had received from the machine. Blackhawk's was a ball of blue vines with little red shoes.

"Tangela, that's new." Sean commented. "But why use that? You knew I was going to use the Fan Rotom, didn't you?"

"Of course, it's not like I just met you today," Blackhawk replied, smiling.

"Kick his ass dad!" Nyurgh cheered.

"Nyurgh, language!" his mom scolded.

"Sorry," the young man replied, staring at his feet, "But still, beat him down pops!"

"Not even his mother can calm him down." Blackhawk noted. "Do his parents teach him any manners?"

"One might say the same about you." Sean taunted. "Rotom, Air Slash."

"Dodge it Tangela." Blackhawk commanded.

The fan blades that were a dominant feature of Fan Rotom began spinning. A single sliver of wind was fired towards the grassy blob. Tangela quickly bounced out of the slash's range.

"Go, Vine Whip!" Blackhawk yelled.

Two blue ropes were hurled towards the floating fan. The vines wrapped around Rotom, capturing it in their fuzziness. The Plasma Pokemon merely chuckled as the vines constricted it.

"Discharge," Sean commanded, running a hand through his hair.

Rotom began expending a large amount of electricity. The vines served as the connection, allowing the discharge to shock Tangela. The Grass-type was surrounded in an electric yellow, but refused to be stunned.

"Power Whip!" Blackhawk commanded.

Tangela acted as if it wasn't being attacked at all. It reeled in its vines, charging closer and closer to Rotom. When it was within five feet, it leapt into the air and started to flip. Rotom was carried with the moving vines. The Vine Pokemon slammed it into the ground, leaving a small crater. Tangela bounced back, finally feeling the effects of Discharge.

"There it is!" Sean exclaimed.

"No worries, Ingrain and Leech Seed." Blackhawk said cooly.

Tangela shoved its blue vines into the ground. It then fired several seeds that exploded on contact with Rotom. The seeds exploded, wrapped strange vines around the fan. The vines began sapping health from Rotom and the ground, increasing Tangela's energy.

"I won't let you go any farther," Sean said, clenching his fists, "Rotom, Air Slash."

"Sunny Days, please sweep these clouds away," Blackhawk commanded, working the command into a song.

Rotom fired another sliver of air as Tangela began focusing its energy. The Air Slash ripped through the vine's skin, seperating it from the ground. Tangela did manage to brighten the Sun's rays with its attack. Thanks to the combined health absorbing effects of Leech Seed and Ingrain, Tangela was able to survive the super-effective attack.

"Rotom, end this with Ominous Wind." Nyurgh's father said.

"Dodge and use Vine Whip." Blackhawk replied.

Despite the warm sunlight, the air surrounding Tangela was becoming colder. Absorbing the bright sunlight, the ball of vines quickly darted away as the air surrounding its previous position turned dark purple. Again, Tangela wrapped its blue vines around the ghost. Sean and Rotom smiled.

"Okay, as soon as it lets up use Air Slash!" he said.

"Tangela, Power Whip, and don't forget our 'little surprise'," Blackhawk replied, flicking his nose.

Just like before, Tangela jumped into the air and began to flip. Rotom followed the vines, just as before. There were two major differences this time. The first was in the target, it was preparing to use Air Slash to capitalize on Tangela's weakness. The attacker was also mixing it up. The Vine Pokemon was drawing in power from the harsh sunlight, surrounding itself in a bright yellow glow. The Power Whip smashed Rotom into the ground, leaving a small crater. The vines loosened, giving the victim enough breathing room to launch its attack. Before it could strike, Tangela fired a large beam as bright as the Sun! The aftermath of the blast created a six-foot deep crater in the ground. The fan was passed out in the center of the crater, unable to continue the fight. Both trainers withdrew their allies, congratulating them on their hard work.

"Impossible!" Nyurgh yelled. "Dad's Fan Rotom had the type-advantage!"

"I'm ashamed of you Sean," the boy's new mentor said, placing his hand on his forehead, "You were the one who showed me that books lie."

"Yeah, I wish I had been a better teacher." the father replied.

"It's not your fault dad," his son replied, clenching his fists, "I guess I do have a lot to learn. I hope you'll show me the ropes Mr. Blackhawk."

"Heh, you bet kid." Blackhawk replied.

Last edited by Gokudera-Kun; 05-23-2009 at 07:56 PM.
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  #2  
Old 05-20-2009, 03:12 AM
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Default Re: It's Show Time

After obtaining Nyurgh's respect, Blackhawk was ready to lead the young man on his Pokemon journey. They said good-bye to Sean and his wife and departed. They had walked several blocks of Twinleaf Town before Nyurgh encountered another of his father's friends. Blackhawk looked down the road after hearing a door slam open.

"You might wanna move," he said, stepping back.

"Why?" Nyurgh asked.

Suddenly, a fifteen year-old crashed headfirst into the boy, sending them both into the ground. The boy had blonde scruffy hair that stuck up in the front. He wore a polo shirt that was orange creamsicle-striped with dark green scarf. His grey pants showed small traces of earth from where he hit the ground. He quickly dusted them off, and then looked at Blackhawk.


"Dude, it's been AGES!" the young boy yelled.

"Holy crap!" Blackhawk replied. "It's been fifteen years, but you haven't aged at all Barry!"

"Of course not. Time doesn't pass in Arceus' Realm," Barry replied, raising his arms skyward.

"Arceus, you mean like the Pokerangers Arceus?" Nyurgh asked, fascinated by this new trainer.

"Uh, I don't know what a Pokeranger is, but yes." The jumpy boy replied.

"Wait, if you managed to enter the God Realm, then does that mean..." the eldest trailed off in thought.

"That's right," Barry yelled, smiling confidently, "Lucas, Dawn, and I caught the three obelisks."

"Obelisks?" the new trainer asked.

"Basically three keys," Blackhawk explained, using his hands to act out his story, "Dialga; controller of time, Palkia; ruler of space, and Giratina; lord of dimensions. When these three combine their powers, they open the gateway to Arceus, the God of all Pokemon."

"Wow, so you ACTUALLY met Arceus!" Nyurgh screeched.

"Sure did," Barry replied, pointing his thumb at himself, "Blackhawk could've joined us, but he decided to go rogue."

"Hey, while the three of you blew off life, I was having the time of my life." the man replied. "I used, was used, scored, partied, but most importantly, I met Andy Samberg face-to-face."

"Andy Samberg?" Barry said cluelessly.

"Oh, the guy who jizzes himself." Nyurgh said. "My dad plays his music all the time."

"He doesn't just 'jizz himself', but that's beside my point." Blackhawk replied, seeming fanboy-ish. "Barry, what are you doing here? I mean, you are one of the first three who went to Heaven without being dead. What else could you possibly want from this world?"

"That's just it," the blonde replied, sticking his hands in his pockets, "Everything was perfect, nothing bad, (aside: or exciting) ever happened. The three of us realized this, so we came back. By the way B.H., who's the kid?"

"Oh, where are my manners? This is Nyurgh, Sean's kid." the man replied.

"Sean? Oh you mean Riley, that no-good-Rotom-stealing-name-changing-son-of-a-*****," Barry said, exchanging his smile for a sour expression, "So, while we were busy saving his ass from Charon and Team Galactic at Stark Mountain, he was gettin' some?"

"What do you mean 'no-good-Rotom-stealing-name-changing-son-of-a-'?" Sean's kid asked.

"That Rotom of your dad's, and those machines too, they were Charon's discovery." Barry replied crudely.

"How can you STILL be holding a grudge?" Blackhawk asked with force. "Remember, Riley saved our asses at Spear Pillar. Hell, he gave more than we did to protect him from Charon. After what he went through, changing his identity was probably the only way he could keep the guilt from killing him. He lost his best friend, wouldn't you feel the same way?"

"Wait, so this 'family heirloom' is actually a five-finger-discount?" Nyurgh asked in shock. "Get these things away from me!"

Nyurgh tossed the bag containing the transformation mediums and Rotom's Pokeball away. He then ran towards Sandgem Town, which meant he would have to cross the Pokemon-infested Route 201. Barry, the youth untouched by time, and Blackhawk, the mentor, exchanged worried looks. They collected the discarded items and looked towards Twinleaf Town's lone exit. Even though a minute had barely passed, there was no trace of Nyurgh.

"Like father like son," Barry quoted, raising his arms, "When something goes wrong, he takes off quick as lightning."

"Quiet Barry. That's what caused this problem in the first place." Blackhawk replied.

Meanwhile, in Route 201, Nyurgh was widening the gap. He chose to divert from the dirt path laid down for trainers. Instead cutting through the thick trees. As he hopped over roots and downed branches, the cries of wild Pokemon echoed through the tranquility. Of course, without his Rotom, a Pokemon encounter would be hazardous. It had been twenty minutes, and the boy's stamina was running low. He sat down on a comfy-looking brown puff.

"BIDOOOOOOF!" the puff screeched.

"What the Hello Kitty!?" Nyurgh responded.

Five brown puffs hopped out of the brush. Each was roughly two feet tall. Their ears and tails appeared as brown puffs of fur. Their faces were tan with souless eyes. Under their red noses, Bidoof's signature buck teeth glistened.

"Oh, they're just Bidoof," Nyurgh said, his blood pressure settling, "I thought I was in danger."

"Bi-DOOF!" one of the beavers barked.

Suddenly, the powerful teeth disappeared, sinking into Nyurgh's skin. Now it was the boy's turn to scream. He shook off the Bidoof and began running, his stamina magically restored. The family of Plump Mice Pokemon were close behind him, craving human flesh. Nyurgh knew he would have to fight back. Without slowing, he bent down and snatched a grey stone lying on the ground. He turned to chuck it at his attackers, but the brown furballs were on top of him before he could take aim. The rock popped out of his hand, flying into a leafy branch behind him. A small clump of twigs hit the ground.

"Starly!" another species of wild Pokemon screeched.

This time, the nature that Nyurgh had disturbed took the shape of three small grey birds. The family of young Starly joined the Poke-pile that was inflicting pain on the boy. Their sharp beaks pecked at his face, barely missing his eyes. An undescribable sound echoed from the trees that surrounded the group. Two Pokemon, big ones, cried out. The first flapped its large black wings and blew off the Starly. The second used its thick tail to smack off the Bidoof.

Nyurgh pulled himself to his feet to identify his heroes as Bibarel and Staraptor. Staraptor was a large black bird, roughly four feet tall, with a red clump of feathers that hung in a fashion similar to bangs. Biberal was a three-foot tall beaver with a thick brown tail and the same chompers that Bidoof, its junior, possesses. The fully-evolved Pokemon chased off the wild attackers. Nyurgh was startled as the sound of twigs breaking grew closer and closer. Two figures - one large, one short - stepped out from the trees.

"GET BACK!" the boy yelled.

"I oughta fry you, ungrateful twerp," Barry mumbled, recalling his Staraptor.

"You forgot these," Blackhawk added, tossing the items Nyurgh had carelessly tossed aside.

"Get these away." the boy refused. "I'm going to Sandgem so I can get a Pokemon that I earned."

"Oh really," Barry asked, putting his fists on his waist, "How did you plan on 'earning' that Pokemon?"

"Getting himself killed obviously." the mentor replied.

"No!" Nyurgh yelled in response. "I'll show you guys!"

"Didn't we have this conversation with Sean," Barry asked, turning to Blackhawk.

"Don't you EVER compare me to...to... HIM," Nyurgh shot back, tears of shame welling in his eyes.

"Fine, go to Sandgem Town," Blackhawk replied, turning to walk away, "But keep Rotom with you, at least until you get your well-deserved Pokemon from Professor Rowan. After that, I don't really give a Ratata's ass."

"Wait, so this is how it ends?" Barry asked, feeling shafted. "You become his mentor for two hours, and then you leave him?"

"He doesn't need me," the thirty year-old said, walking back towards Twinleaf Town, "He proved it to us; he can fend for himself."

"Fine, you can follow me to Sandgem Town if you want." the boy replied.

The three trainers took a small break to regain composure. Then they re-traced their steps to find the dirt path that would lead them to Sandgem Town. After another half hour, Blackhawk and Barry found themselves in the outskirts of their friend Dawn's hometown. The houses were built out of a sturdy wood and had roofs painted a grassy green. The professor's labratory was the largest building, approximately twice the size of a regular house. The path was well-marked, removing the need for navigation. However, Nyurgh and Barry were thrown off-guard when Blackhawk turned to the right and knocked at the first house down the block.

"Hello." he said when the door creaked open.

"Who is this?" an aged man asked.

"It's Blackhawk sir, is Dawn home?" he responded.

"Little Blackhawk!" the man replied. "I haven't seen you since the five of you were in the Sinnoh League! One second, I'll have Dawn out right away. Oh yeah, Lucas is here too."

"You missed her, didn't you," Barry teased, elbowing the aged gentleman in the ribs, "I knew you were sweet on Dawn. Of course, there are two major Diglett-blocks. First, she's with Lucas now. That's right, they hooked up in Arceus' Realm. Trust me... I had to watch. Plus, she's still fourteen, but you're what, Thirty-three? Last I checked, that was Pedophilia."

"Wow, you really don't know when to shut up, do you?" Nyurgh commented.

"I couldn't agree more." a voice rang from behind the door.

A young girl with long black hair stepped outside. She wore a pink miniskirt with a black top. Her head was covered by a white hat. Behind her stood a young boy wearing jeans, a black jacket, and an orange beret. They were Dawn and Lucas, respectively. They had fought Team Galactic on Spear Pillar alongside Blackhawk, Barry, and Nyurgh's father.


"I missed you SOOO much Blackhawk," Dawn squealed, wrapping her arms around the man.

"Yeah, it has been a long time." Lucas added. "Barry, how's it been on your side?"

"Can't complain." the blonde boy replied.

"Well I can," Nyurgh complained, walking away from the group, "If you care, I'll be at Professor Rowan's getting my Chimchar."

So the brown-haired boy left his teacher with his friends. He was about to open the green door to the lab, when three Pokemon charged through, slamming into the boy. He quickly recognized them as the three starters. Piplup, a small blue penguin, Turtwig, a green turtle, and Chimchar, asmall orange monkey with a flame for a tail. A stout old man with a grey beard ran out of the lab. He managed to snatch Piplup before it could run away, but his age prevented him from chasing the others.

"Listen...kid," he said, gasping for air, "I-I-I don't care if you catch those two for yourself or not. J-j-j-ust make sure they get a good home."

"Wait, aren't you supposed to care about your Pokemon?" Nyurgh asked.

"Yes, but due to my age, they've just been more trouble." Professor Rowan replied. "I envy Professor Elm, he hasn't reached sixty yet. Heck, I w-w-wouldn't mind being Professor Birch either. So, erm, where was I? Oh yes, of course, try and catch Turtwig and Chimchar so they don't get mis-treated."

"Is it okay if I ask you a question?"

"Sure, t-that's why I'm here."

"What is a 'good home' for a Pokemon?"

"Y-y-you know, d-don't use it as your personal slave like this kid Paul I came across. But don't be a p-p-pushover either. If a Pokemon refuses to enter its Pokeball on command, feel free to give it a good smack, out of respect of course."

"Wow, thanks Professor Rowan! Now I know!" Nyurgh replied, smiling.

"And you know what they say..." the old man said, if this were a cartoon, it would be the perfect moment for an American Flag to wave in the background.

Several minutes had passed...

"Knowing is half the battle." Nyurgh whispered in the old man's ear.

"W-w-what does that mean?"

"Nevermind, you killed it." he replied, then stared off into the distance. "Sorry guys, I tried to throw in a G.I. Joe reference, but it felt stupid, so...yeah. Sorry I wasted your time."

"Who are you talking to?" the professor asked, trying to hang on to whatever sanity he had left.

After that incredible waste of time, Nyurgh decided to chase after the two escaped Pokemon. It didn't take long before he found his target: Chimchar. The orange monkey was on top of a roof dancing. The cheeky monkey saw the new trainer and leapt off the roof. It latched onto the boy's face and began twitching violently. The boy ripped the strange monkey off of his face and threw it back. He grabbed Rotom's Pokeball and called out his Pokemon. The red ball of plasma buzzed upon release.

"Rotom, as much as I hate it, we have to battle together." Nyurgh said.

The plasma being buzzed in sadness. It was able to sense the boy's feelings, since they are what brought it into existence. The Chimp Pokemon leapt off of the ground, claws at the ready. It swung its right arm in an attempt to cut Rotom. However, the Ghost-type merely phased through the Normal-type attack. Chimchar gasped, taken off-guard by this inconvenience.

"Rotom, Thundershock," the boy instructed.

Rotom loyally obeyed its owner, despite it being its first, and possibly last, battle with Nyurgh. It swelled up with electricity and fired it off in a thin stream. The Thundershock struck Chimchar dead-center, sending a chill through its body. Rotom began adding more energy into the attack, forcing more crippling energy through the monkey's body. After ten seconds of this, Chimchar erratically shook off the attack, its fur semi-charred and carrying static.

It was Chimchar's turn to mount an attack. It opened its mouth and fired small fiery bullet at its opponent. Rotom swiftly floated to the side, successfully avoiding Chimchar's Ember. The little monkey was prepared however. It took off into a run and rolled into a ball. It then began spewing out flames, engulfing itself in a ball of fire. The burning orb rolled towards the Plasma Pokemon at an increasingly fast rate. This time, Rotom was unable to dodge. Flame Wheel ground into its target, burning it with every rotation. Chimchar then proceeded to kick away and landed gracefully on the ground, smiling.

"Rotom, get up! Try using your Ominous Wind!" Nyurgh yelled.

Chimchar's fur stood on end. The atmosphere around it was engulfed in an eerie chill. Suddenly, a dark purple sphere of air surrounded the fire monkey. This sphere of wicked air cut through the Pokemon's body, but it did meager damage. The diamond in the rough though, is Ominous Wind's effect. Like Ancientpower and Silver Wind, when this attack successfully connects, it gives the user a major boost in all areas! Rotom floated back up at full strength, discouraging Chimchar. The Fire-type fought back with another Ember. Nyurgh reached into the brown sack his mom had prepared for him, pulled out a miniature grey fan, and tossed it at Rotom.

"Here, use this so you can use Air Slash!" he yelled.

Rotom used its plasma to wrap the fan in a blue glow. It then entered the fan, changing its shape and turning it a crimson color. The buttons at the base of the object were replaced with facial features, and the entire machine was surrounded by a pale orange glow.


Fan Rotom spun its blades, sending out a refreshing breeze. The breeze formed knives that dispersed the embers, cutting up Chimchar in the process. Nyurgh then pulled out a miniature washing machine and threw it at his Pokemon.

"Switch and use Hydro Pump," he said, preparing the catch the fan when it came his way.

Rotom de-possessed the fan and surrounded the scale-model washing machine in its electric blue glow. Nyurgh caught the fan and threw it in the sack. The washing machine turned crimson and grew facial features, just as the fan had done before. Now it took the form of Wash Rotom.


The washing machine hit spin cycle and began storing up water. In a matter of seconds, the door flew open. A massive torrent of water engulfed Chimchar and drilled it into a tree. When the attack subsided, there was an almost two-feet tall monkey-shaped crater in the tree, but no monkey. The lack of a Chimchar threw both trainer and Pokemon aback.

"CHIMCHAR!" the monkey screamed.

Nyurgh turned quickly to find Chimchar had latched onto Rotom. The monkey wrapped itself in flames and began spinning, taking the Plasma Pokemon with it. The result: a fiery wheel with a big uneven lump. The Chimp Pokemon released its hold on Rotom, sending the fireball crashing into the ground, forming a trail of broken earth. The monkey's fire sphere followed the trail and drilled into Rotom, sending it flying even further.

"How is that possible!?" Nyurgh yelled. "One Hydro Pump Should have taken Chimchar out!"

"Haven't we been over this?" an older voice said from behind the boy. "Look, no matter what these books say, they leave out plenty of variables."

"Blackhawk's right," Barry said, placing his hand on Nyurgh's shoulder, "There's breeding, conditioning, and most importantly; the opponent's fighting spirit. Chimchar is a fiesty little bugger. I should know, my Chimchar took down Roark's Cranidos and Geodude without flinching."

"So, it's not Rotom's fault?" Nyurgh asked.

"No, and it is not your fault either," Dawn replied, stepping next to the ten year-old.

"I see..." Nyurgh took a moment to take these words into heart, "COME ON ROTOM! YOU CAN DO IT!"

"Wow kid," Blackhawk said, scratching his head, "You change opinions every hour. First you hated me, then you respected me, then you hated Rotom, then me, and now...make up your damn mind."

"Fine, this is my decision," the boy replied, pointing at Chimchar with ferocity, "CHIMCHAR WILL BE MY POKEMON, AND ROTOM WILL HELP ME! USE DOUBLE TEAM!"

The fiesty boy's yells scared the living daylights out of Chimchar. In its fear, it failed to prevent Rotom from copying itself. The Chimp Pokemon found itself surrounded by floating washing machines. Its fears were exasperated, causing it to screech. The fire on its tail grew to a massive size, engulfing the Pokemon it was attached to!

"Look out kid, that's Chimchar's Blaze ability." Lucas warned Nyurgh. "Now what will you do? It will even block out Hydro Pump."

"Rotom, get out of the washing machine, and give me a big hug." the boy commanded.

The Plasma Pokemon was confused, but it still followed Nyurgh's orders. Just like before, it threw the washing machine at its trainer, who snatched it and tossed it in his bag. The plasma ball then found itself wrapped in the boy's arms. Like when they first met, Rotom administered a powerful electric shock into the boy.

"What the heck are you doing!" Dawn yelled.

"I'mmmm juzzzzt do-ING what comezzzz to mi-ay-nd," the boy replied, constantly being interrupted by the sparks.

Last edited by Gokudera-Kun; 05-25-2009 at 11:38 PM.
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  #3  
Old 05-23-2009, 09:36 PM
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Default Re: It's Show Time

The human-shaped ball of lightning ran towards Chimchar with full force. The monkey, also surrounded in its element charged as well, undaunted by the heavy atmosphere the electricity gave off. The fire and lightning collided, causing a huge smokey explosion. The black fumes clouded the older trainers' vision. Inside the smoke, Chimchar and Nyurgh had headbutted each other. They both winced in pain as the electricity and flames combined together. However, Nyurgh's side had two combatants. He thrust out his arms, forcing Rotom as close to Chimchar's body as he could manage. The Ghost-typing of the Pokemon enabled it to phase partially into the chimp. The electricity its body gave off fried the monkey on the inside, sending it shooting away. The smoke cleared and Nyurgh was hunched over, his body charred with paralysis. Chimchar was knocked unconscious twelve feet away. The boy pulled out an unoccupied red-and-white orb and threw it at the burning monkey. The ball swallowed it in a white light and began throwing a fit. Inside the ball, Chimchar was struggling to get out. The result of this attempt was a...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Pokemon to catch: Chimchar
Target: 20,000-30,000 characters
Actual: 34,518 characters
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  #4  
Old 06-21-2009, 08:51 PM
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Default Re: It's Show Time

It's here. :D Now to go watch "House." :O

Plot/Story: It really interested me. Maybe it’s my obsession with “Heroes” as of late or the fact that I’m writing a time-based story with Bryce, but when Barry mentioned that he, Dawn, and Lucas were still the same age as when they started their journey because they went to Arceus’ realm, you instantly got me hooked. This started off as a cliché beginning trainer story with a small change, but then you totally threw in this plot twist that I would have never expected. Very good job on this. You did what I always want in a story: you took the reader by surprise.

As engaging as the plot was, your lack of explanation made me confused at times. Throughout the whole thing, I kept asking myself, “Who in the world is Charon?” On top of that, you never explained what happened at Spear Pillar, how Riley saved them, and so on. If I’m not mistaken, does this have to do with Pokémon Platinum’s plotline? If so, you can’t assume that everybody has played the game and know what happened with the characters. Whenever you put in anime/game characters in your story, you have to treat them as though they are original and explain who they are, their background, and anything else the reader needs to know.

I also thought Nyurgh overreacted when he decided to abandon Rotom and the appliances because his father stole them. Maybe if you had given it a bit more time to sink in, it wouldn’t feel so abrupt.

Introduction: You know, I’m disappointed that the Pokerangers beginning was so much more descriptive than the actual story intro (when Nyurgh’s mom goes to shut off the television). The Pokérangers were described so much better than Nyrugh and his parents; really, the family wasn’t described as all, to be honest. Also, you never really stated that Nyurgh was in his room watching television and that Pokerangers was a just a TV show. For a couple of seconds, I thought that his mom was some villain who had destroyed the city with a remote control. :X So take your time in describing your characters and the opening surroundings.

Grammar/Spelling: Not bad. I saw a couple of typos, but it’s nothing more that diligent proofreading can’t help improve. Even if you already posted your story, you can always go back and look over it. Sometimes, mistakes you didn’t see the first or second time will catch your eye.

Quote:
"Yes, it would be appropriate." her husband replied.
The period should be a comma because what comes after the dialogue (“her husband replied”) pertains to the dialogue. Sometimes you were correct and used a comma when you were supposed to. More than likely, the mistakes were due to unsureness or lack of proofreading. Either way, make sure you’re more careful about this in the future.

Quote:
"Kick his ass, dad!" Nyurgh cheered.
You need a comma before “dad” because whenever one character addresses another (in this case, Nyurgh is addressing his father), you put a comma before the name of the person who is being addressed (in this case, his father.) Also, “dad” should be “Dad” because Nyurgh is using it as a proper name. The same thing goes for “pops”. If he would have used “my dad”, then it would lowercased.

Length: Awesome job here.

Detail/Description: It was good, but inconsistent. You described some characters in great detail (like Barry) while others (like Nyurgh’s parents) were left in the dark. The same thing goes for the surroundings. While I could see Twinleaf Town well enough, Route 201 was just a blur. If you describe one character really well, you need to do the same for every other character, their amount of detail depending on how important they are to the story; also apply this for surroundings.

Also, try on rearranging your character description so it flows better. When it came to characters like Barry and Blackhawk, you bluntly told us what they were wearing and what kind of hair they had; remember, fan fiction is not a RP sign-up. Try to use actions to describe them. For example, if Dawn brushes her hair, you can say it’s black. If Barry fell down, you say how his blonde hair was ruffled up and dirty.

Battle: Much better than your last section. Most of the time, you took your time to describe the attacks. Implementing all of the Rotom’s forms added more diversity, and I applaud you for using Chimchar’s ability. The way Rotom took Chimchar down at the end, by phasing though him and letting the electricity hurt him from the inside, was really smart, also.

The only thing I was annoyed about was that you had a tendency to switch to game boy-mode. What I mean is that you began to explain about super effectiveness and how Ominous Wind could boost a Pokémon in all areas. Try to avoid using battle terms that you would see in the games in fan fiction. It distracts from the flow of the story. Use other ways to tell us that an Air Slash really hurt Tangela or some other situation. One way you can do that is to describe that Tangela was injured greatly and instantly became weak, telling us that a Flying-type attack did more damage than another attack Rotom used (like an Electric-type attack).

Outcome: Your lack of plot explanation and the shaky description gave me doubts, but your battle was literally your saving grace. It was engaging and fun to read, and it made me sway more to a pass. So: Chimchar captured! Just work on the things I mentioned, and your writing will be really awesome. Have fun with your Pokémon! :D

- Kat
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  #5  
Old 06-21-2009, 09:15 PM
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Default Re: It's Show Time

Sweet, thanks Kat.

I'm still trying to find the perfect way to describe a story, but I think I'm coming close.
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