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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #256  
Old 09-08-2009, 12:53 PM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+] - Chapter 'leven

LIEK HAI EVERYBODY.

I know I haven't posted a chapter in ages, but I assure you that this fic is not dead. :D In fact, I'm probably going to be posting the next chapter tomorrow. ;3 I came here to tell my readers that the chapter's really long, and might even take up five posts. ^^' So, I wouldn't really expect replies and reviews for it straight away. xD Just warning you so when I do post it people don't go: "HOLY MILTANK LONG CHAPTER LET'S NOT READ THIS NAO..."

I was considering making it two chapters instead of one, but I'm adamant and I don't want it to be split up. Hopefully it won't be longer than 5 posts! xDx Also, I most likely won't have a picture for it at the time I post it, but I'll probably do one a few days after or something.

~Xanthe.
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  #257  
Old 09-10-2009, 03:08 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+] - Chapter 'leven

Wow, five posts? My longest chapters were three posts. xD

I don't mind long chapters-I'm excited to read it!
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  #258  
Old 09-10-2009, 09:51 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Wow, five posts? My longest chapters were three posts. xD

I don't mind long chapters-I'm excited to read it!
Yes, it's eleven and a half pages in Word! However, it'll probably be, like, double that when I post it on here because I don't have it spaced out in Word (which is why it takes me so long to post the chapters! xD). And I'm glad you're excited. ^^ You're my most loyal reader! *leaphugs* But then again, rethinking...it'll probably be four posts, not five. xD
I'll do a picture sometime this week if I have time!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~


Chapter Twelve: Unpredicted Revelation

Yes, I know Luck looks terrible. Dx


And thanks to the awesome Joltstorm, I have this picture too! :D

“What’s going on?!” I exclaimed through the two claws. They pressed together again, making me shuffle out of the paws’ grip. The room had become instantly black as soon as the door had closed again, and I demanded to know what was happening! “Zhol,” I decided through a whisper, “where’s the crate?” I turned around, knowing she was going to be there because she had just embraced me.

“There’s no crate,” she replied from further up the room. I frowned, having underestimated her speed.

“Well then—”

“Shh!” she hissed, and I shut my gob immediately. I wanted to question her more, and I didn’t know why I had to be shushed. “Whisper,” she said again, doing so herself.

“But why? And what’s with the ‘no lights’ thing? It kinda makes it a little hard to see.” When I got no answer – just the sound of soft clapping against the floor – I rolled my eyes impatiently. I began to yawn, feeling a wholesome breath of oxygen fill my lungs. The swirling gas came out as a warm puff, and I swayed slightly after. I hadn’t had much sleep over the transportation period, so I knew my energy was draining rapidly. The fact that it was night – when I slept – didn’t help. The bullet wound in my leg still throbbed, as did the small section of my ear which was missing due to the same thing.

It was impossible to see in the never-ending blackness, but I knew I didn’t need to see to be able to sense some sort of strange presence... A very odd but negative atmosphere hung in the enclosed space, and I almost felt unwelcome.

Disregarding my weariness and focusing on my curiosity, I dug deeper for extra fire that wouldn’t be used in a flamethrower, and spurted it out so it was a constant flicker of a flame spilling from my mouth. I blinked, trying to rid my eyes of their sleepiness, then patrolled the open chamber with th—

My heart stopped. My heart stopped beating—probably in awe of the sight before me. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to act, how to breathe any longer. My attention was completely held by what my eyes exposed me to. I may have been looking at pokémon...but in a crate? Huh, far from it. This...this was like nothing I had ever laid my sights on. Zhol must have seen it by now, but I could tell that she was not nearly as intrigued as I was. But I just...couldn’t...

In the room I was in, there were thirteen tall-standing capsules containing wicked-looking pokémon. And by ‘wicked’, I wasn’t referring to them looking really cool, but, in fact...matching the aura I had sensed only seconds previous to my discovery.

The thick tubes were placed six to my left and six to my right, with a significantly larger one seated right at the end in the centre of the path. They were all glass with dark plastic rims at the bottoms and tops where they connected to either the ceiling or the tiled floor. But...filling the pods was a liquid which appeared transparent and somewhat denser than normal water. Bubbles ascended clumsily from within the devices attached to the pokémon in the enclosed spaces and dissipated at the surface. I couldn’t quite identify the species suspended in liquid before me from the lack of light, as my flame merely reflected off the glass covering. However, one I recognised as a medicham—because of its round, pink thighs and the thin grey body. “It’s huge!” I exclaimed, my fire dying instantly. I couldn’t make out much more...other than it looked stranger than a usual one. “What are they doing here?” I mumbled, the flare extinguishing right beforehand. I scoffed, flicking my head in any random direction. “Zhol.”

“I don’t know.”

“...Zhol, why can’t we turn on the lights? I can’t really see properly. And there’s nothing I can use for...like, as a...you know, ‘cause if I use my fire for light, I’m gonna need something to set.” I blinked a few times, unable to solve how I could word my sentence to make proper sense. I then shrugged, receiving an answer.

“Lights might wake them,” she snapped.

“Wake who? The scary-looking pokémon in the creepy-looking tanks?”

“Yes,” she simply said.

“They seem fast asleep to me... But...wait...there isn’t a crate...but there are these tanks with pokémon in them. Why?” I crept closer to a nearby tank, blowing a flame from the gap between my lips. It was the medicham again. As I was reminded of its size, I took a breath and asked, “Do you think Team Rocket’s done something to these pokémon?”

There was silence before Zhol answered, “They are being held here for a purpose. For what purpose I’m not yet sure.”

Since the noise level was zero (apart from faint bubbling from the capsules, me talking and Zhol’s clicking claws), the room could have projected the ring of a carvanha’s tooth dropping—which is what it did when something paw-sized clanged against the tiled floor behind me and probably behind the right string of tubes holding pokémon. Straight after, a shoofing and an almost-suctiony sound to my left threw me into a battle-ready pose as I was confused about the direction I should concentrate on. “What was that?” I quickly questioned, assuming – or more like hoping – it was Zhol. Sneasel could...run fast. Zhol could’ve gotten from one side of the room to the other and made both noises! ‘Y-yeah...’ I thought nervously, fright licking my heart. I swallowed as my back seemed to heat up.

“I don’t know.” There was pattering as she presumably zipped across the surface to the source of the sound.
I waited in angst for something to relieve me, but the dark and ice type took a while to reply. “Feels like a remote!” she mentioned, and I soon learned that she had begun to prod at random buttons on it as the tanks suddenly lit up brightly after flickering. Blue light shone from the base of the tanks, illuminating their contents from the bottom. The whole room became dimly lit with a cobalt blue—but only really enough to faintly make out both me and Zhol and brighten the walls behind. Wild shadows were tossed across the floor, and any of them could easily have been used as a hiding spot...especially if I wanted to conceal myself and jump out at Zhol if she were to walk past! But I knew it was the wrong time, of course. Still...

“Light, wondrous light!” I chanted, beginning to sway back and forth in a dancing fashion. Zhol said nothing and eyed the continuously silent cylindrical containers, probably just waiting for the frightening pokémon to shatter the glass and slaughter us both. However, I think I could speak for Zhol as well as myself by saying that we were glad to find that the light didn’t even make them stir. But now we could snoop around. I revisited the medicham for a third time, figuring I could gather its details better this time. As well as being abnormally large, I saw that it had a heavy-looking metal collar ringed around its neck. I frowned, digging through my mind to find any sort of answer to the question of why it would need one. I spotted something else strange: black rings around its eyes. They reminded me of the marks Master used to get under her eyes when she didn’t get enough sleep, but these went around the pokémon’s whole eyes and didn’t look natural. “Zhol, this is creepy...” I waited for a comment from my sneasel friend before I said, “We have to save them.”

“No,” Zhol hissed, appearing by my side. I suffered a small jump and flicked my head in her direction. “We don’t know what will happen if we release them.”

“Release?” I questioned with a slightly shocked tone. “You make it sound like they’re dangerous captives...” The moment I spoke those words, I knew the possibility. Zhol’s solid gaze reiterated my thoughts, and I suddenly felt a wave of extreme curiosity. Why the giant pokémon? Why were they in tanks filled with bubbling liquid, and why were they separated from the others? Only investigation would solve the question, but not even that seemed overly safe. Investigation that was too thorough could only lead to disaster—as I’d once discovered as an eevee after being told one day not to aggravate a wild machop.

I strode forwards, lifting my nose. ‘...Hang on.’ I flicked my head around. ‘How come I can still smell the forest? Some sort of familiar scent...’ I almost used all my senses to reveal who – or what – was in the room. ‘Eh, my nose is probably still clogged up with all the disgusting stenches from earlier,’ I figured, shrugging. I decided that snooping around more was a better use of my time, and I was probably right, after all. ‘Or these pokémon could have once belonged to a forest...’ I began to search my thoughts. ‘I hope they were willing to be brought here...’

I continued down the room, inspecting the strange, floating pokémon concealed behind glass. Bubbles span to the top of the dense liquid, becoming part of the above pockets of air. Long, black tubes connected to cups on the pokémon’s mouths suddenly came to my attention, and my suspicion met its peak as I discovered they were to supply the pokémon with oxygen. After all, how could they breathe in wet matter like this? ‘Wet matter... That stuff doesn’t appear natural. It’s not fresh or salt water—or water pokémon water. Everything here is artificial...’ My fur stiffened. ‘No wonder this place or these pokémon don’t smell right. Zhol was right about letting them out. Who knows what would happen...?’

I blinked in succession. “This one’s gone!” I exclaimed, spinning to face Zhol.

“A pokémon?” she asked, catching up with me. As she did so, I turned to the tank.

“I swear there was one in here a second ago! When I had my fire lit...the tanks were all full with a pokémon!”
Zhol grabbed her chin with a paw. She frowned, thinking hard, probably.

Spoiling our ‘being surprised’ session, the door to the room slammed shut without warning, the lights blinking out. “WAHH!” I blurted, my muscles seizing. We both jumped out of our fur; we probably would have soiled ourselves if we hadn’t both been familiar with being alarmed.

Silence overcame us as we waited for something else to happen. When nothing did, we both stared at each other—or, at least, I looked at her. Without light, it was kind of difficult to determine whether she was doing the same or not.

I flicked back my head, generating a small flame, and hurled it from my mouth toward the room’s entrance. It lit the place for a matter of moments, dissipating as it crashed into the floor before the door. Nothing there. “But...the door wasn’t even open for it to close!”

“It may have been the pokémon that escaped from its tank,” Zhol alleged. She was thankfully still gripping the remote, and prodded at it until those glass container lights relit. I could see her face again. “But...how did it escape...?” Zhol continued her stare, her thoughts whizzing.

“And how did it sneak past us?” I added. I hoped all would make sense in the end. It usually did, anyway. I padded slowly away, nearing the biggest tank in the room. It was the one near the back of the room in the centre of the pathway between the two rows of tubes. This one – rather than bubbling, holding a pokémon, and being blue – was an extremely dark maroon—almost black. It was not bubbling, however, and the pokémon was absent. It hadn’t been occupied when I had come in, so I figured that there was nothing in it to begin with. I found it awfully strange how it was differently coloured, but I thought that maybe different...‘pokémon’...needed types of tanks to survive in.

As I let a frown push down my eyebrows, I neared the tank. For the first time in a while, I hoisted myself up onto my hind legs, my front paws pressing against the thick glass as my toes spread out. My head was tilted upward, and I could see human communication characters painted on a small sign. However, since I didn’t know how to interpret human language when written, I merely shrunk back down to all fours and returned to the sneasel. I was about to tell her of the human written characters when I was suddenly interrupted.

“Dusty?” a voice started. I flinched violently, the sneasel beside me growing a quick frown.

“...Did you h—” I began, immediately cut off. The feeling of when your ears pop struck me, and it suddenly felt like they were blocked.

“Dusty, it’s Raiys! We need you up here!”

“Did I what?” Zhol queried, a look of concern and perplexity coating her face. She sounded muffled—like I had my head submerged in water or something.

“Shh!” I hushed, turning away from her. “W—how-?!”

“I’ll explain once you’re here. There’s something you need to see! And hurry!” My head felt clear again as I shook it, my eyes searching the floor as if looking for answers.

“Zhol, we need to go,” I stated, facing her seriously. There was a pause while she contemplated this.

“But, Dusty, what about these—”

“Doesn’t matter about them—we need to go!” I sprang off the floor, not giving her time to reply, reaching the entrance and slamming into it. I expected it to swing open, but to my displeasure, it didn’t. Instead, I ended up with a sore right shoulder as I stood moaning. Zhol slashed through the air as she appeared at my side within a heartbeat, and blinked repeatedly at me. She craned her neck, then leapt upward, yanking down the horizontal handle. It became almost vertical as there was a click, and the dark and ice type swung open the chamber’s metal guard.

I just stared with my eyelids at half-mast after moving away from the door. “Why did I do that?” I muttered.
I focused back on task and bounded after Zhol and up the hallway, turning left shortly after it started and nearing a series of short pot plants coming up on our rights.

***

A lithe figure concealed itself behind a row of potted plants situated against the wall of a corridor, knowing exactly what it was waiting for. It didn’t take long before it heard a shuffle of paws and negative muttering. It waited almost indifferently; however, a tinge of remorse pawed at its stomach. It knew what it was doing, but felt nearly a little regretful for doing so. Even though it chose this path, second thoughts whizzed through its head. But it reconsidered as it recalled the reasons, telling itself to forget it among other things. Washed away was the last part of the feeling as it saw, speeding ‘round the corner, an orange and yellow quadruped, as well as a much zippier midnight green pokémon who stood – or raced, rather – on two legs ending with feet and sharp claws.
It took its eyes off the both of them, squashing itself against the floor as they whizzed past. Wind generated by the speedily travelling duo blew back appendages carefully. Once they disappeared around the corner, the sleek-framed creature darted from where the flareon and sneasel had come, inhaling familiar scents as it neared the chamber.

The heavy door was carefully shut once it entered and the creature made its way across the cold floor. It whispered particular phrases not understood by the average being, and as a result the tanks grew their lights. Approaching a specific machine it knew the flareon and sneasel missed which was located behind the main, biggest cylindrical tube near the room’s end, the wanderer stood on its hind legs and awkwardly tapped at buttons on a keyboard. A black screen revealing brimming yellow eyes appeared on the back of the tube – where it was looking – and began to speak. “Master,” it hummed after clearing its throat. “They will...witness our power very soon. Subject D3 has been released.”

The being behind the source of the screen toothily grinned, despite its follower unable to see this, and snorted in triumph. “Excellent. Annihilate every last one of those opposing weaklings. Make sure you spare the Rockets. We need them.”

The minion nodded, trying to keep a sustained pose. “Of course.”

“And find out...who initiated the freedom of the prisoners.”

“I-I already have that information, Master,” the creature explained, feeling slightly regretful but confident afterwards.

“Ahh...excellent. I expect a full report when you return,” mentioned the dominant being, its eyes narrowing.
“Yes, Master.” The smaller creature then nodded, and waited a cluster of seconds before the screen flickered, shrunk and vanished.

***

I almost skidded and slipped when I scrambled up the steps, seizing a human as he pointed his gun at me. Zhol came zooming up from my behind, thudding across the floorboards and into the second Rocket, slashing her paw swiftly through his neck. Maroon liquid reddened our surroundings; I was prey to a few drops, but it didn’t bother me. I finished off the man I was fighting, hurling toxic acid on his face and watching as he accidentally swallowed it. We passed through many battles, slowly making our ways to the opposite end of the ship close to where the crate I was held in was. A large circle of pokémon had gathered, and frankly I was surprised that a few Rocket pokémon or trainers hadn’t interrupted it. Zhol hesitated to push past assorted pokémon while I thoughtlessly ploughed through them, occasionally excusing myself. I found myself in the centre where an ochre bear-like frame lay inert, appearing beaten up and with spatters of blood in select places.

Raiys was gloomily seated next to him, his head flame up for the first time I saw him. He laid eyes on me after having them pointed at his paws, and rose. He looked about to speak, but words were far from his reach.

My bottom jaw trembled, my eyes wide with shock. “L-Luck...” I was almost speechless as my sneasel friend finally appeared by my side. “He’s...” My nose fizzed, my eyes becoming cloudy as my vision blurred. I exhaled loudly, rushing forwards. Shivers erupted along my back, and a twinge twisted in my stomach.

“It’s okay—he’s not dead,” Raiys reassured. I held my breath, my tears stilling.

“He’s...he’s not?” Answering the question for myself, I lowered my head to his chest, my ear easily catching the pumping of his heart. I withdrew again, witnessing the rising and falling of his chest and belly. “Oh.” I blinked out the tears, bringing my right shoulder forward and bending my head down in order to rid the brine from my eye. I copied my actions with the opposite side.

I heard Raiys draw a sharp intake of breath, and I assumed he spotted the miniature hole in my leg and ear, since he was standing to my left.

“Do you know who did this?” I questioned, my neck twisting to the left. The quilava stared back forlornly.

“Yes,” he admitted, clearing his throat. Chance stepped forward from behind him.

“It was a beast,” the grotle interrupted gravely. “Something unlike I’ve ever seen. Unlike anyone’s ever seen.”

Continued in next post...
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Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 08-27-2011 at 06:43 AM.
  #259  
Old 09-10-2009, 10:09 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+]

The blood-curdling thought pierced my brain, sending more tingles down my spine. I bound my eyes shut, squeezing them with extra effort before releasing the pressure. ‘I wonder...’

“Raiys!” I snapped my head to face forward, my eyes large and my mouth small and insignificant. The volcano pokémon did the same.

“Y-ye—”

Hakumei materialised before us, his face serious and his body stiff. He stopped panting to talk. “It’s back. The monster came back.”

***

“What did he mean by ‘monster’?” I asked as I shoved the floor with each running step.

Raiys’ expression held undetermined thoughts. “I know something you don’t,” he admitted.

“Yeah—what he meant!” I waited, almost expecting that statement to act also as a conversation provoking mechanism.

He shook his head a little, and I barely noticed as his whole body flexed while he ran beside me. “A pokémon turned,” he began, and he hesitated to continue, his eyes on track while mine were set on his. “An artificially modified pokémon...”

We were running with many other pokémon. Hakumei led proudly, constantly dispelling his aura sphere to dispose of those who hindered his goals. The shiny umbreon was a nice guy, but when he was in a state of fury...well, you’d wanna be on his good side.

I knew Raiys desired privacy to discuss the matter, and he wasn’t inclined to continue unless that want was fulfilled. Following the thought, the fire type jerked his head to the left, and it was easy for me to catch his drift. Leaping over some and racing between others, we escaped the pokémon stampede and ended in the space of two crates near the edge of the ship’s left side.

He panted again, regaining his breath. He looked up at me. “The monster that attacked Luck is pure evil. Yes, it used to be a pokémon, but now it’s a feral monster... Destruction and death is all it knows.” He bound his eyes closed, as if recalling something painful, before he let them see again. “Don’t let it get too close, or it might deal a fatal blow. All it needs is one chance to strike and you’ll be gone. Your friend is lucky to have lived. He must have high endurance...”

I was having trouble absorbing the information, but once I did, I still couldn’t think of anything to say. Instead, I just thought about it. I finally decided on a question to ask. “What...what did you mean by...well, when you said it was ‘artificially modified’?”

He swallowed hard. “It...means that the pokémon...was toiled with.” It took me a moment to think that over, whispering his words to myself for repetition. “Put differently... That pokémon was experimented on.” At those words I felt a wave of ice wash through my veins.

“...Where did this...monster...come from?”

I could tell the quilava wanted to talk, but something was stopping him. I didn’t know what, but bugging him about it wasn’t going to help him find his voice. I changed the subject.

“...How many of the Rockets are defeated? And their pokémon?”

Raiys shook his head again, but not at me. He waited before he answered. And to my surprise, that sneaky grin returned. However, it was a small grin—just a devious smile with slightly lowered eyelids. “We’ve defeated a lot of them. Maybe more than half, even. Including the pokémon.”

I nodded. “Oh, good.” I swung my head around, noticing the rampaging pokémon had passed...finally. “I’m gonna go back to Luck. I trust all of you can fight off that...thing. I’ll come to your rescue if you need me to.” I smirked before running off, bolting through the darkness of the night.

The bottom half of the ship was virtually empty—apart from the abundant corpses, of course... I caught too many scents to distinguish between each one as I neared Luck motionless on the floor, obviously still unconscious. The pink slowpoke Raiys had attained help from in order to telepathically communicate with me was lying beside him on guard—although, since he needed protecting back when I met him and Chance properly, I thought that maybe he wasn’t the right pokémon. However, as I approached, I noticed a lot more pokémon guarding him. ‘But...wait a second...’

I skipped closer, increasingly furrowing my brow with every step. Upon arrival, I sensed something not right. Something completely not right. All the guards were down. And I knew they weren’t just snoozing. “Hey,” I barked, but there was no response. “Uhh...are you awake?” I approached at the psychic and water type with a concerned look. ‘Clearly not,’ my thoughts growled at me.

“Urrgh...” he murmured, his lips not parting. There was nothing before his eyes slowly shifted in place.

“W-what happened here?” I questioned, lowering my head as I stood.

More breath-groans escaped the pokémon’s...nose. His mouth didn’t move. But then again, every other inch of his body was completely still, apart from the barely notable inflation of his belly. I could tell he was desperate to say something...but it appeared he couldn’t. He began to whimper nasally, his eyes whipping about. They met mine, and I could suddenly see through them.

‘I think he’s paralysed...’ I thought, wondering who or what could have attacked him and all the other pokémon. On top of that, why would they not properly injure them? With the number that was here...nine or so, they could easily have stood up to a group of pokémon. And if this slowpoke wasn’t knocked out to the point where he wouldn’t be waking up to anything anytime soon, then why were the other pokémon? Or, at least, that’s how it appeared.

I threw the assumption aside, focusing on the matter. By the time I drew my head back to the slowpoke, his eyes were not as frantic.

“Get away!” he screamed inside my head, my ears having the popping feeling again. I blinked, crimson and blue swirls surrounding the slowpoke’s head.

“What? Why?!” I answered, speaking aloud.

“It’ll be back!” he explained, and I hesitated.

“...W...what is ‘it’?”

A bone-trembling screech shattered my focus, and I was thrown into questions as a stream of blue and black fire scorched the floor at my paws, and I was forced to jump backwards to avoid it. ‘WHAT THE?!’

From behind a nearby crate to the slowpoke’s left stomped two strong legs the height of my body. It was huge and its skin was dark. It had a thin waist and chest, and its front was dark grey. It had a semi-circled patch below its front’s colouring which was a light grey, the same as the star pasted on its jutting-out head. Its jaws were intimidating as well as its strange arms which both ended with a hooked spike each, and I shuddered at the thought of a puncture wound. Its tail was long and spiked twice at its tip, and I immediately knew it would make a powerful weapon.

I could tell it was larger than a normal garchomp, and definitely scarier. The dramatic colour difference struck me as bizarre, and increased the frown marks deepening my concern. I knew that pokémon were different colours, but the bright, deep red eyes piercing my very soul suggested that this pokémon was far from natural.

I blinked in succession. “This one’s gone!” I exclaimed, spinning to face Zhol.

“A pokémon?” she asked, catching up with me. As she did so, I turned to the tank.

“I swear there was one in here a second ago! When I had my fire lit...the tanks were all full with a pokémon!”


I bit my lip, cursing silently. This must have been the escaped pokémon—the evil creation Raiys was telling me about!

“The monster that attacked Luck is pure evil,” he had said. “All it needs is one chance to strike...and you’ll be gone.”

‘Don’t let it get too close...’
I told myself, imprinting the imperative thought into my mind. I held my courage high as I drew energy from my rage and fear, from the shadows around and the darkness blanketing the Earth. A wicked ghostly sphere formed strong in my jaws, a deep purpley-black matter resulting from its power source. Glimmers of white and pink among other assorted colours were present in grains, and the ball was, in a short time, as big as my head, and soon enlarged to finish once it became as large as my body.

The biggest shadow ball I had ever composed stopped its growth, the very innards flickering and seeming to spark and crackle with ghostly energy. My negative emotions were contributing to the attack, helping it to reach its peak in power, and when the garchomp was close enough to be unable to evade, I jerked backwards as I released it. It tore up the floorboards, leaving them a wreck, and hammered into my opponent with a small explosion. The expectation I was hoping for was to knock it out instantly; however, I knew that such a creature was capable of withstanding powerful blows, and my shadow ball was no exception.

The creepily sustained pokémon took the mighty attack with little effort. Although being pushed back a metre or so, it only seemed to affect it slightly if at all. I knew that shadow balls reduced a pokémon’s endurance for non-physical attacks, but I had no idea how. All I knew how was that the next time I fired such an attack at the beast it would have slightly more of an effect.

In return, another jet of flames came in a flurry towards me, just barely skimming my tail as I turned and fled! ‘That’s no ordinary dragonbreath!’ I thumped the floor, my pace building until I suddenly slammed flat into something that crumbled my body and initiated somewhat of a headache. I shook my head, my tuft swaying about. I blinked a few times, cocking my head. I...hadn’t run into anything. Well, I had, but there was nothing in front of me. Hearing the beast not far away, I got up and plunged into an invisible wall for a second time. “W-what?!” The desperate need to escape held me by the neck in the place of where my collar used to be wrapped, and squeezed my throat. “An invisible wall? At a time like this?!” I began to sweat – something I didn’t often do – and my breathing became heavier as I sensed the dragon and ground type was stalking me. I whipped around, my head low and my contracting pupils staring up in fear at the beast. The luminosity of the deep redness bordering its pupils swirled into mine and began stirring my mind, hypnotising me. I fell into a trance, unaware of the nearing predator. My head felt light, my body becoming limp...like I was melting...

“DUSTY!” a muffled voice screamed, jumping me back into reality. I was shocked to find that Raiys had situated himself just outside the invisible force field, and was staring hard at me. His head flare was alit, the burning sensation becoming almost tangible as I stared through what appeared to be glass. My heart fired up, but I knew all those hidden flame sacs needed time to recharge. I required energy to keep going, and the food I had recently consumed was far beyond nutritious. Thinking it over, I would only assume that every pokémon on the ship was malnourished—probably including the tools used by Team Rocket they claimed to be their pokémon.

“Help!” I exclaimed, feeling the creature creeping up on me, its shadow stretching backwards in a menacing pattern. My claws dug into the wood as much as they were able, and I was prepared to keep them stuck until my toes bled. My maw was clenched, the stress on my teeth nearly as much as what my heart was dealing with. I attempted to reach out to the quilava with my longing eyes, but I knew he couldn’t touch me.

“Behind you!” he yelled again, and I was quick to flick ‘round. The giant monster groaned, and if I hadn’t taken off the second I had, the foul flames would have consumed me. I raced, not looking back, towards where Luck was. To my great relief, the large brown pokémon was shaking his head as he sat somewhat clueless on his hide. The slowpoke was still conscious, and he was moving as well by this point.

“Luck!” I pounced onto his chest, setting him down on the floor again as he grunted with surprise. He blinked in succession, and my terrified face must have set in realisation for him. A ground-shaking roar from not too far away must have rocked the entire ship, and Luck gently pushed me off and made it to his feet. I couldn’t bring myself to smile considering the circumstances, but at least he was alright.

“Wait,” I protested as I predicted his movement. “Don’t try to fend it off!” I looked at him, eyes brimming with fear, and he took a moment to breathe. His frown remained, but he intended to listen. “That thing is cursed. Raiys told me that it could kill even a mighty ursaring with just one strike!” His face didn’t change, and by that stage I imagined he knew so already. “Luck, please don’t put yourself in danger!” I inhaled and exhaled frantically, trying my very hardest to persuade him. “...It’s evil.”

Luck’s shoulders relaxed and he contemplated his options. “Very well,” he decided, but I still couldn’t smile. Neither could he, by the looks of it.

“How are we going to defeat it?!” I spluttered, hanging my head. I couldn’t hide the anger, fear, sorrow and lack of hope strangling my face. A giant paw rested itself onto the side of my mane.

“Not you,” my friend decided, and I looked up with puzzled eyes. “You’ve done enough for us already.”

“Wh-what?” I started, but he didn’t seem keen on changing his mind.

A splintering smash gave way to a shattering wood only a couple of crates away, and I could only imagine the garchomp had impounded a portion of one of the many crates that previously held hundred of pokémon. It didn’t take me more than a moment to realise its full potential, or even the small fraction of it that it used to destroy something that seemed so impenetrable not hours before.

Fear gripped me tighter, and I strained every tendon in my body as I began to panic further. “I know I can’t do much, but I can’t not help you! We have to work as a...as a team!” I shook my head, blinking over and over to rid fuzziness from my eyes. I couldn’t feel anything in either of them, but...Luck was blurring. I bound them tightly shut, raising a paw and rubbing my left eye, following up with the opposite. When I reopened them, it had cleared up. I focused back onto the normal type.

“Dusty, you have to rest. You’ve done a lot of thinking and battling today. Leave it to us.”

“W-wha—?!” He wouldn’t let me protest, and instead looked about in the darkness. “Luck!” He looked at me. “I’m not tired!” I lied, and he could tell. “I’m still full of fire!” He puffed a sigh, and I let myself charge up. I aimed at the invisible barrier and shot a burning trail of fire. However, its volume was suddenly much less than I expected. I stopped my attack, recoiling. I flashed the ursaring an accidental look, and remembered my target. Crackling flames were spat pathetically from my maw, and the stream quickly dissipated. “Ahh!” I reacted, trying my hardest to release lines of fire again and again. When it failed every time, Luck made his move.
“Dusty, please stop,” he advised.

“No! I’m not...” I cringed, shutting my eyes again as the blurriness flowed back. “I’m not done!” I inhaled lengthily, almost swaying too much as I shook my head. When I exhaled, beautiful flames follo—

There was nothing. Nothing but heat escaping my mouth. I shrieked, and with embarrassment written all over my face, I fluffed up my mane around my face. No flames? No fire?! NO FLAMETHROWER?! Without anything left to do, I did the one thing I did know what to do—and it wasn’t an attack!

***

It was a poor sight to see Dusty without her signature element. Fire was, as it appeared, her way of life. Without it, she would surely go insane. “Excuse me,” the slowpoke inquired, getting Luck’s attention in a slow voice. “What is she doing?” Luck’s eyes followed back to the very same flareon who had saved hundreds of pokémon and led a determined mob of the captured creatures into rebellion.

She was running in circles. With a confused expression, the overtired pokémon was running in simple circles. She might even have been chasing her puffy tail.

Luck softly placed a paw on his forehead, shaking his head. “Please keep her away from the monster.” Luck gave more suggestions as to what the slowpoke could do, and the pokémon nodded. “Dusty needs...some time.” The pink pokémon didn’t quite understand why, but he followed the normal type’s commands anyway. He approached the fickle flareon and ushered her to the sidelines, the pokémon uttering phrases like “no fire”, and “all gone”. Luck frowned delicately, thinking it was a shame that such a soul stumbled into the deranged world she had gone.

Surprisingly, the whole time the creature had kept out of eyesight, and hadn’t shown up since Dusty had come back to the newly-conscious pokémon. Luck recalled the deafening bellow the monster dealt to the supposed indestructible crate, and could only imagine other pokémon were currently fending it off. Its claws so sharp and those blood red eyes so piercing. He could almost feel its harsh, callous attack for the second time. The same attack that rendered him unconscious on its first turn. ‘I think what she said was true...’ the ursaring mused. ‘One hit is all it takes.’ He reassured himself and mentioned that the task had to be done, regardless of who was to be sacrificed for the heroic act.

With a last roar and a rare, heated temper, Luck the ursaring stormed in the creature’s direction, hoping to at least be able to weaken it.

***

“Are you alright?” panicked a voice, and I lifted those heavy eyelids. I unclenched my teeth and set my sore tongue free, hoisting myself up into a sitting position.

“Ugh...” I moaned, reaching up with a paw to rub my left eye. There was a pokémon in front of me. He was staring with a worried look, yet it wasn’t a strong one. “Uhh...hi,” I said. He seemed almost surprised, and I frowned. “Are you okay?” I waited for a reply. My eyes were drawn to an empty, rectangular plastic item lying on the floor, and I cocked my head to one side. “What’s that?” I got up off my butt and sniffed it, picking up a human scent. It smelled like a Team Rocket human! But...it looked like a small container Master used to carry around with her. It was a battle item. It held pills capable of aiding a pokémon inside or outside of battles. She had rarely used them on me, on account of how she preferred feeding me berries instead. I then realised that small particles seemed to be present on my tongue. They felt hard at first, but with the tiniest bit of pressure from my teeth they disappeared. ‘Hmm...’ I began to think, ‘I wonder...’ I backed up, facing away from the slowpoke. I readied it, felt it about to be spewed from within...

And, surely enough, a raging line of flames hurled its way through the air, singeing any trace of dust floating about. “Yes!” I shouted triumphantly, turning immediately to the slowpoke. “Thank you!” I bowed my head in respect, and the young psychic type smiled back.

“You’re welcome,” he replied, the mellow quality abundant as usual. I took off after Luck’s scent, aiming to help him.

‘No doubt I went crazy again once I figured I was out of fire,’ I thought sheepishly. ‘Argh, it’s been a problem since my youth... But what fast working pills! Lucky, too...’ I shook the thoughts from my head, telling myself to focus. We had to bring this evil thing down, and I was prepared to go to extreme lengths to do so. I...was a flareon. A strong-willed fire type ready to fight some big ol’ monster endangering those that posed no threat.

Continued in next post...
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Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 07-26-2011 at 06:05 AM.
  #260  
Old 09-10-2009, 10:12 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+]

I kicked the floor harder, propelling myself across the wood. A sudden thought struck me and I nearly lost focus. ‘What if Raiys saw me going insane?!’ I tried not to think about it, but it mocked me. ‘Luck and that slowpoke must already think I’m a complete and total fool. I don’t need more of my newly-acquired friends – if I could be considered one – thinking lowly of me.’ I shook my head harder, flinging the thought out one ear. ‘I don’t care anyway,’ I muttered sourly and spotted the bad-aura creature. Luck was battling with it! I couldn’t tell who had the advantage, although I could guess, and I again sensed that same invisible barrier that had mysteriously planted itself around a random area of the ship. At least it wasn’t just me trapped inside it...

Suddenly, my eyes widened at the sight before me. The great ursaring was trapped in a corner between the wall of the ship and the invisible one running the width of the deck. The creature was closing in on him, and by assumption, he knew he wouldn’t be escaping. Courage began to bottle up within me, and I snorted black smoke. My teeth grazed against each other and the flames waiting to be released gurgled with excitement. My paws raced me closer, and I could feel the pressure raking at my chest.

In a loud burst, powerful fire roared from my throat, engulfing the menacing creature. Its bone-shuddering cry hurt my ears, but it was a near-guilty relief to hear it in pain. I swooped in between it and Luck, and before he could react, I skidded, turned, and dragged ursaring out of the corner and into the open again with my jaws. We ran alongside the barrier and I tripped over my own paws, tackling him down by mistake. We crashed and didn’t stop for a metre or two, and a momentary rest began the gathering of our mindsets. After realising what had happened, I found myself wagging my large tail while standing on top of him, and the bear-like pokémon looked dumbfounded! He stared at me, eyes wide with question, and opened his mouth to talk.

“Saved ya,” I cheered half-heartedly, flipping off his chest and moving my head in a semi-circled fashion to charge up another hot attack. “Take...” I felt shivers following my train of thought as they tingled up my spine and to my face. “THIS!” My mouth exploded as a voluminous fire raged ruthlessly towards my enraged enemy. It swallowed the dragon and ground type and charred as much as it could, and more pain-triggered cries screeched throughout the area.

“Dusty!” Luck bellowed, snatching me from the battlefield and extinguishing the flame burning in my heart. “What are you doing?” he asked with steady self-control.

“Well, technically I’m talking to you right now,” I chuckled, but received an unimpressed glare from the ursaring. “But just then I was...attacking the garchomp,” I added, speaking slowly since I thought it was obvious.

“Please, Dusty—I don’t want you getting yourself injured.”

“And I don’t want you—”

A powerful blow from behind rendering me breathless and nearly unconscious was delivered by something I didn’t anticipate, and I was tossed forwards like dead prey for what could have been twenty metres, slamming into a crate daring to interrupt my crash-course. I struggled greatly to inhale, but my muscles had contracted and allowed me not a single breath. Nothing else moved apart from my eyes, and I was left unwillingly inert. The fuzziness set in again, and I attempted with strong intentions to oppose the oncoming injury. My lungs ached for oxygen and the most terrible feeling settled in, choosing me as its involuntary victim. ‘Help,’ I thought desperately, but my open mouth and motionless body must have indicated that I was less than a heartbeat away from passed out.

***

Luck cursed silently as he failed to warn the preoccupied flareon about the incoming predator coated with a sapphire glow. “Dusty!” he shouted as the fire type soared through the dense night air and slapped against the battered wooden wall of a previous prison. Her frail shape crumpled into a messy, furry heap at the crate’s base, her chest lacking the breathing motion it was required to consistently do. He snapped back to the garchomp, his furious face becoming the result of his much younger ally’s lifeless body. He boomed magnificent roar, charging forward with a vicious face and raised thick claws. His adversary grunted as he neared, and his slash attack dealt more damage than expected.

The garchomp roared, lashing out with its own claws a second too late as Luck ducked. The ursaring suddenly vanished before the garchomp’s body, and the robust creature rumbled with a sense of confusion as it waited. Nothing happened after a matter of seconds, and the beast came to assume that it had defeated the worthless, inferior pokémon like it did the flareon. However, as the monster was least expecting it, an impact caught it off guard and it lurched backwards to follow by landing on its tail end. Luck had turned up out of nowhere, and with a black, sizzling energy surrounding him, he had tackled his foe with a phantom strike attack. His eyes buzzed a deathly white, the uncommon hatred he bore fuelling the dark type move as he had struck the monster. He went for the creature again as it was reassuring its footing, his paw raised, but the gigantic being dodged the slash attack with speed Luck didn’t predict it possessed. It roared again, setting free the sapphire flames seen earlier by Dusty. Luck, barely believing he managed to avoid its path, rolled from the stream, and the garchomp stopped.

Luck deceived his attacker for mere moments, reappearing before it and punching it square in the arm with a faint attack and following up with slash. He jumped from its range, but was surprised as he saw the tall monstrosity had toppled over. He took advantage of the situation and inhaled deeply, filling his lungs, and breathed out pink spores barely visible in the scarce light. The creature, while regaining its bearings, appeared to become slightly relaxed. However, the attacks’ effect didn’t prevent the pokémon from finding its legs again and slamming Luck’s belly with a mighty headbutt, sending the ursaring sprawling a number of paces away.

Meanwhile, a machop who had been on guard with the slowpoke and other pokémon found himself awake, and rubbed his head. His strong arms lifted him up, and his eyes scanned the area. He spotted pokémon scattered about – both dead ones and ones who had been attacked while watching over the ursaring – and frowned. He was ready to wake some of them up, but something else snagged his attention. Grunting and battle roars were ringing in his ears, and his sturdy legs made the choice to investigate, carrying him to his right between two large crates. He emerged into the open where, to his right, along the side of the ship, a monstrous, discoloured evil-looking creature loomed, screeching at the same ursaring the machop had been protecting! His open mouth and surprised face indicated that he was rather aghast, but a yellow and orange blur to his right was quickly his prime focus. He made a note of the injured flareon, and stood—a little unsure of what to do. Was it still breathing? Had it been killed by the creepy, bad-aura pokémon?

He leaned down, holding out a light bluey-grey hand in front of the fire type’s muzzle. No hot air was being exhaled, and the machop lifted his short body to be standing again. He thought it was a shame that so many pokémon were being murdered... He was lucky to be alive!

He ran a finger down one of the three copper half-discs that sat atop his head. His large, red-iris eyes shifted about. “If only you were here, Father...” he murmured, his arms down by his side as his human-like body stood still and his circular head eyed the shining moon. Grey clouds passed leisurely over the magical sphere as if brushing it—

The flareon’s belly suddenly filled with air, life flowing back into her body. The machop jumped, assuming a fighting stance immediately after. He watched the flareon carefully as its eyelids peeled open to reveal charcoal eyes with a hint of green and white. They searched the surroundings, and the machop could see that she rested them on the battle between the pokémon not too far off. “H-hello?” the fighting type wondered.

The eevee evolution’s eyes tried their best to bring him into their view, but for some reason the pokémon didn’t move her head.

***

‘What’s wrong with me?!’ my head yelled. ‘I can’t move! I can’t even speak or close my mouth! How is...whatever’s there supposed to know what I want?’ My right ear itched, and I longed to scratch it, but trying to move any part of my body aside from my eyes proved to be feeble. It was like during bad dreams when I can’t wake myself up, and instead I sit there pathetically, unable to do anything.

While I was busy giving myself a lecture about why I couldn’t get up, grey feet moved in, and luckily the machop was short enough for me to see his whole self. ‘Help me!’ I growled at him, but clearly he couldn’t read my thoughts. I couldn’t even frown to show my anger!

“Are you...okay?” he questioned, speaking slowly, displaying his confusion. However, of course, I couldn’t reply. None of my muscles bothered to work as I already knew, and this meant I couldn’t blow fire, either... “Maybe you’ve been paralysed.”

‘Of course!’ I discovered, finally realising that paralysis would explain everything. The machop said something along the lines of getting me up and off the battlefield, and after tossing a worried look over his shoulder, he reached two arms down. However, the moment he touched me, I immediately came back to life, all of my muscles reacting and springing me to my paws. The machop reeled back, completely shocked—but I couldn’t say I wasn’t the same. In fact, I stood staring and glancing at myself for seconds on end before shaking my head. “I don’t know what you did,” I started, facing the superpower pokémon, “but thanks!” I raced away, suddenly feeling an eruption of aches throughout my entire body, and I nearly stumbled.

However, I managed to get by with the addition of clenching my jaw and binding one eye at a time, and met up quickly with Luck. Upon sighting me, he was utterly stunned. He must have thought I was dead—or at least going to be knocked out for longer. He turned to face me.

“Dusty—”

The side of a giant claw slammed into Luck’s jaw, and he was sent sprawling to the deck. I gasped sharply, horror overcoming me. “LUCK!” I exclaimed, but the garchomp swung his thick head in a loop, knocking the wind from me yet again as I was thrown backwards along the ship’s edge until I landed in a tumbling heap. As I lay temporarily incapable of movement, the ocean’s waves washed around below, taunting me. A new fear slipped between the fissures in my mind, and I rolled to my paws and stole a quick glance at the not-so-distant ocean. If I fell in...

“AUGH!” Luck cried, blue flames engulfing his entirety in no less than an instant. My clenched teeth surely forced tears from my eyes, and I shakily lifted my head. The sound of stony fire swelling and searing weaselled its way into my erect ears, and I shivered. Building up combined pressure for two attacks at once, my head was aching. My limbs began to shudder, my eyes leaking salt liquid. I was burdened with seconds of uselessly before I finally released the flaming shadow ball into the deserving garchomp’s back, and it thundered in agony. Its attack was instantly cut off, and it swung around to stab my eyes with soulless ones of its own, readying its two wide arm-wings as it appeared slightly hunched.

From behind me yelped the slowpoke, his eyes becoming pink as he issued a confusion attack on the creature. It hollered again, but straight away charged at me, each leg creating a miniature earthquake. I rolled out the way, and it continued on to pursue the slowpoke. I was sure that the little pink psychic and water type would have endless problems with running, but I was proved to be wrong as he easily led the thing away. It wasn’t so much that he was fast, but it was the garchomp that wasn’t gifted in agility.

I developed a worried frown, biting both my lips as I folded them in, and trusted the slowpoke to do what he could for as long as he was able. “Luck!” I jumped to the pokémon’s side impetuously. He seemed to be out cold, and my tail sagged as I noticed this—my ears doing the same. “Luck...” I breathed, clamping shut my eyes.

He suddenly moaned, and my ears perked back up. “Ugh...” His eyelids hesitated before opening, revealing his tired eyes. “Little...Dusty...” he whispered, and shivers ran through me. I tried to hold back tears. “I’m...glad Larse was...able to revitilise you,” he wheezed, and I cocked my head.

“L...Larse?” I questioned sadly.

“The slowpoke...” He cringed in pain, and I was about to cry out when he spoke before me. “I’m...done for...” I shook my head in denial while scanning his body. From head to claw he was covered in burns, as well as numerous rips in his coat where solidifying blood crusted the surrounding fur.

“No,” I tried to correct. Tears clouded my vision. “Don’t say that!”

I couldn’t believe he managed a smile. It disappeared after a contraction somewhere in his body probably due to pain. “Fight...the garchomp. I’ll be here...if you need...” He coughed again and returned with no less of a smile. “...Bait.”

“BAIT?!” I whined, a crying quality creeping into my voice. “I will...I will kill it. I’ll save you too.” He forced another sweet smile, closing his eyes for a few seconds before reopening them.

A thudding made me turn, and I knew the slowpoke and the garchomp were coming back. They came into view within a few heartbeats, and I tore myself away from Luck. If I was going to fight the despicable creature, it wasn’t going to be near him. I threw him one last hopeful and crooked smile before taking off, running straight at the slowpoke. I used telepathy via his confusion attack, as he was open to speech by thoughts while in the psychic process.

“Just keep running toward me!” However, only metres away, the garchomp fired a weak stream of blue flames, connecting with Larse as he tumbled over and slammed into the floor, which surprisingly knocked him out cold. The demented pokémon continued to run, however, right towards me. I let a frown lick my face as I pounced at the right time, releasing a flamethrower into the garchomp as I flew through the air. It came in contact, dealing the same damage as always, and I only then realised we were about to collide! ‘Didn’t think of that!’

I poked out my claws as I was sent forward and rammed into the giant beast with outstretched legs. It stumbled back from the force as I tumbled down and onto the floor again, landing with my belly facing down, all limbs beginning to pound from the impact.

I groaned with pain, my head thumping from lack of energy, sleep, food and water and from the attacks I had been enduring—or, at least, trying to.

Without warning I was tossed back, tangled in a heap as I landed and the harsh sloshing of the waves returned. Throwing my head over my shoulder, I realised how close I was to the edge of the ship, but I was too weak to haul myself up within the instant. I stared warily up at the enormous shadow after sensing it blocking my path, and shuddered. All my fear swarmed in at once, and my vulnerability dawned on me. ‘Oh...sh—’

“HAAAH!” I heard, and I was booted to my left as something strong tackled me out of harm’s way. I rolled over myself several times, feeling bruises in assorted places, and looked up in time to see Luck’s brown body stand momentarily before being thrust backward and directly overboard, as we were close to the ship’s edge. The railing had shattered, having provided nothing to prevent Luck’s fall.

A dastardly stomach-twinging shudder simmered my innards and flushed my face with a violent shiver. My eyes bulged and my limbs seized up, a hollow realisation manifesting within my body. The breeze seemed to still and the garchomp became non-existent as I lay in silent pre-panic. Reality tugged savagely on my heart.

“LUCK!!!” I screamed, disregarding my injuries and flying to the railing. I witnessed nothing but a high-rising splash metres and metres down, the disdainful sound searing through my ears. “LUCK!” The tears welled faster than a scyther could fly and poured out into the ocean, traces of my sorrow falling with them. “WHY?!” I droned, unable to contain the agonising feelings stacked up inside me. “What did he do?”

I wailed, facing my head to the sky with my eyes tied shut, then resting my head onto railing which was still present. A roar brought me to my senses, and I spun furiously around to view the disgusting, hideous abomination hunched indifferently before me. “YOU!” I boomed, heaving with every breath in an extensively livid manner. “YOU MONSTER!”

I began to brew flames in my throat which hissed of brutality, planning to combine them with a shadow ball powered by hatred, fear, sorrow and pure lust for its bloodshed. Although it probably burnt up my insides and scarred my throat, I expelled white-hot flames sure to roast anything it came in contact with. Along with the fire were streams of shadow ball composed of negative emotions. The deadly mixture soaked into the depths of the monster’s skin and weakened it dramatically, and I followed up with a screeching scream, unleashing a molten flow as waves of red heat in the form of energy rocketed towards the creature. I hoped it would melt its very skin and char its black heart until it suffocated in dancing, taunting flames. It would forever burn in the deep corners of the Underworld, its soul unchangingly cringing in the darkness of its own hideous mistakes.

However, I collapsed in a heap before I could see the end result, bathing in my own tears. I couldn’t hold them in. I couldn’t clean them up. A close friend I had only met that very day had died...and to save me. ‘First Sed was taken because of me, and now Luck. Who next?!’

Deafening shattering didn’t faze me as I lay on my side, my tuft lazily laid out and my tail frayed and messy. “Dusty?!” exclaimed a hasty voice, and I barely heard the pattering of her claws as Zhol materialised in front of me. She had entered from in front of me—where the rest of the ship was. She had somehow broken through the invisible wall, and stood before me in a distracted state of mind. She wanted to say something, but it appeared she was short on words. In the background I could hear shouting as the beast presumably chased Raiys off somewhere, now that the barrier was apparently out of order.

“...He’s dead,” I muttered.

“W-wha... Who?”

“Luck... He died saving me...”

“Died?” gasped the sneasel, seemingly affected by the horrific news. I kept my head down and didn’t see her reaction before I finally lifted my head. She saw this and fought to catch my gaze. “We have to leave!”

“No. He died for me...” Zhol stopped, probably contemplating how upset I really was. “HE DIED! And it’s MY FAULT!”

She wasn’t silent for long. “However unfortunate, it was inevitable. Some had to perish for the cause,” she reasoned. I was about to question it, but she spoke quickly. “Haunter’s set the bomb to go off within a few minutes. We have—”

“You know,” I interrupted, “his name’s probably not ‘Haunter’.”

“Dusty!” she snapped, and I slumped my head against the floorboards again, unwilling to listen. “We have to escape!”

“I’m not going,” I murmured defiantly, my eyes closing. “Let the ship take me with it.”

Continued in next post...
__________________
Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.

Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 07-26-2011 at 06:09 AM.
  #261  
Old 09-10-2009, 10:14 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+]

Presumably figuring it would persuade me without question, Zhol stood up. “Luck died in vain then.”

The sound of waves hit me again, and I screwed up my face, cutting the rush of tears down my face. ‘No... She’s right... Why does she have to be RIGHT?!’ my head reluctantly screeched. I lay with my jaws clenched and my paws covering my eyes as I heard her dissipating footsteps. With several different paths hovering before me, I scowled, neglected my tears, and heaved myself up. “...Let’s—”

Crashing behind me made me leap in surprise once I had faced Zhol’s direction – back out onto the ship – and I snapped my head around to address it.

Presumably from an attack from the garchomp I had momentarily forgotten about, a round, solid body had torn up wood from the floor. The body belonging to a familiar face rolled slowly, and two brown legs began supporting a sphere of rock again. The steady pokémon didn’t see me as my face turned pale. “Roarake...” I whispered, barely believing my eyes. Who knew I would see him again?

The golem instantly snapped his head in my direction, his eyes diluting as he laid them on me. “F-flareon,” he stuttered, the stillness of his body displaying his shock. A breeze swirled between the both of us as we stared.

***

“How do we break it?!” a sneasel questioned, frantically zipping up and down a section of the invisible force-field. She couldn’t see Dusty; the quilava had insisted that they assess the wall down the other end in case it was weaker in another spot, and to briefly search for the culprit.

“I...I don’t know,” the quilava replied, trailing off as he tried his hardest to think.

“We have to break it down,” Zhol reminded him, and he nodded impatiently. She spun around to the sound of breaking rocks, and ducked as one nearly struck her. She looked up and frowned, speeding over to the pokémon whose attack apparently sprayed while he issued a rock throw on an arbok who collapsed shortly after. The sneasel positioned herself behind the pokémon, leapt up onto a hard shell before a reaction could take place, and thrust her claws to the pokémon’s throat. She paused as the creature remained still and she narrowed her eyes, confused at what two of her senses told her. The pokémon released a low rumble, but made no move to retaliate.

“You’re a Rocket pokémon,” Raiys commented, assessing the golem carefully by scent. “Why are you—?”

“I am not one of them,” the golem spat, clearly but unexpectedly insulted by the accusation.

An awkward silence whispered past the three, and the rock type span, ready to leave the small circle. “W-wait,” Raiys pleaded, his dull-yellow paws taking steps forward after the golem. The large rock-like creature halted, his head side-on to the two pokémon behind him. “Could we have your help, please?” he asked, waiting on the spot some three metres behind the stranger.

The duel typed pokémon sighed impatiently, facing them both. “What is it you need help with?”

Zhol and Raiys led him to the see-through wall, and the sneasel slashed forcefully at it, but her attempt was rejected. “It won’t break,” she mentioned in a hurry. “We have to get through!”

The golem stood for moments, calculating the solution. He didn’t hesitate to focus, build up power and slam his fist at the wall, shattering it instantly and creating an opening large enough for a charizard to fit through. The quilava was relieved to have been able to get through, but wondered how on Earth the pokémon managed such a big hole with a single punch. Solving his questions, the golem spoke. “It was a light screen reinforced with a barrier attack,” he explained, and Raiys made a note of it, discovering that the pokémon was familiar with the attack brick break. “I’ll break it further up,” he offered, and stomped alongside the barrier before the creature suddenly met him at one of his openings.

***

“Flareon...you were captured.” He appeared stunned, albeit I wasn’t sure what else. “...You’re still alive.”

“Is that what you were warning me about?” I asked with desperation, taking a step forward. “Is that why you wanted to win? To protect me and Izante?”

At the mention of Izante, the golem rumbled, baring his teeth. “Yes... But not that leafeon,” he growled. I frowned, offended that he spoke about my best friend like that.

‘I guess he’s just angry at her because she finished him off before he had a chance to warn me properly about what he was saying to me,’ I decided, shrugging mentally.

“Roarake, look out!” I shouted, following a squeal, a nearing tail coming to a stop as it whacked into my friend’s shell with a thud. I happened to push off the floor at the right time, so it avoided me completely.

Roarake stood still – having endured the attack without trouble – and eyed me. “Flareon—get all the remaining pokémon off the ship!” he demanded, and I gasped as I backed up to get out of the monster’s range.

“Wh-what? I can’t just leave you here!” I retaliated, standing my ground. The creeping image of Luck returned, and I knew I had to stay this time.

“Don’t be a fool!” Roarake caught himself saying; it was clear he partially regretted it, but stood by his word. “Go, now!”

“B-but—” I flicked my head to Zhol, the sneasel standing presumably at the entrance to the enclosed space walled off by the invisible barrier. Raiys was directing pokémon who were previously protecting Luck – including the slowpoke and machop – out of the sealed off area and onto the open part of the ship again, and I could tell that it was the last few pokémon who were being ushered out. I looked back at Zhol; she had a look of angst etched into her face, and she was waiting with gritted teeth.

“Luck would have died in vain then...”

I turned away, bounding toward the dark and ice type as she acknowledged my decision and led the way. I stopped as I was exiting the barrier’s boundaries, looking back one last time. Roarake gave a curt nod as his strong left hand released a white light. He slammed it into the garchomp’s tail, and I heard a roar shortly after. Mega punch.

Raiys appeared by my side, grinning as he met my eyes. I couldn’t return his expression, but ran with him away from the devilish creature brawling with another of my loyal protectors.

***

It wasn’t long before just about all the pokémon were off the ship, and I managed to round them all up (with the help of Raiys, Zhol, Chance, Hakumei, the haunter and Pokol, who I hadn’t seen for a while) without much trouble. Azure had disappeared, but that naturally didn’t disappoint me.

Pokol had found a Mr. Mime hidden behind a crate, looking as if he was focusing on something. He was then assumed to be the mastermind behind the light screen and barrier attacks, but he vanished after using another light screen to contain the raichu. The electric type luckily knew brick break and was able to set himself free. I had also seen Vesp, who had reported that Koi had been taken back to the mainland shortly after everyone was released from their crates. Wulua hadn’t shown up, and that bothered the drifloon, but I reminded her of the fact that he had snapped and taken that ralts hostage.

The scene dissipated and slunk out of my mind as I used toxic to repel one of the few remaining Rockets, my throat being scratched at before I threw it up. I had come to believe that the remaining humans were all pathetically hiding down below, and most of them probably lacked their pokémon. There had to be someone in charge of the ship, and so far – unless he looked like all the other humans – he hadn’t been sighted. ‘And what about Izante...?’

“Are you ready to go?” someone known asked, and I looked to see a black quadruped figure situated near the edge of the ship. I smiled at him, nodding.

“Do we have to go just yet?” the raichu wearing a black belt whined, the large, lumpy sack still in his possession. “I wanna blow up more stuff!”

“We should probably go before the ship itself blows up,” mentioned Chance, and I blew through my nostrils.
“Yeah...” I agreed. “Wait,” I began, “how exactly are we getting outta here?”

There was a pause in everyone’s movement, and then Raiys stepped forward. “Earlier I organised for a few water types to assist us in our escape,” he said, signalling to three blue forms hovering on the water’s surface down below. It was a long jump, and my stomach turned as it came to me that I’d have to jump in... “It’s not as scary as it looks,” Raiys reassured. I just scoffed.

“Hold on,” Hakumei interrupted, “there are seven of us...and only three water pokémon.” Zhol, Chance, the haunter, Pokol, Hakumei and I each turned our heads to Raiys simultaneously, concerned expressions printed on our faces. “Care to explain?”

Raiys kept his cool, placing his buttocks onto the surface of the ship. “Haunter can float,” he stated, “and there’ll be two each to a water pokémon.” We all nodded, but I was unsure.

‘How will I be able to grab on? And even if I do, I’d be dragged through the water... And I hate water!’ I told myself to get over it, reminding myself that it was the only way out and I had to accept it.

“I...I’ll go first,” volunteered the haunter, almost waiting for permission before hovering through the air to join the water pokémon. I wondered why fire types couldn’t float, ‘cause that would make my dilemma non-existent.

In the meantime, Pokol jumped, yelling, “YIPPEE!” and a loud splash made me frown almost in disgust. Chance was next, and he took a deep breath before dropping from the very slowly moving ship and landing with the same spat of seawater.

“Dusty,” Rayis murmured, getting my attention, “you next.” He smiled sweetly at me, but I truthfully didn’t want to go, and no measure of sweetness was likely to persuade me. As much as I longed to get to dry land and away from the stinking, rotten human transportation unit, I was extremely hesitant to even consider jumping.

‘I hate getting wet...’ I moaned silently, sheepishly flashing my teeth as if saying, “I’m fine”.

“Something wrong?” the quilava asked.

“Quick. We don’t have all night!” the shiny umbreon pushed, and I chuckled with clenched teeth and lowered eyebrows...

A gust of wind blew forward my ears and tuft, my mane also flying towards the ocean.

I froze instantly. Every nerve in my body came to a stop, all turning with my body as my wide-eyed expression formed. I faced back onto the ship, the faint scent of familiarity burning alight my flame again. ‘It can’t be...’


Without warning I zipped off, the shouts of my fellow pokémon fading into the distance as I ran in the opposite direction. “I can’t believe it!” I chanted, my legs repeating their movement as I sped after the smell. I skidded around a corner, the sweet scent whistling through my small black nose as I heard soft voices.

“Are we gonna swim to shore?” a familiar voice rang, making my grin a grin too large for my face, and my eyes rapidly gained the tears so frequent in the past few days.

“Hah!” laughed the other pokémon cruelly. “And wet my fur? Not a chance,” he sung. I had no idea who it was talking to her at first, but when they finally came into view, all was revealed.

“IZANTE!” I screamed, leaping onto her in one swift motion and rolling with her until we smacked against a crate. She was shocked and astounded, and didn’t recognise me, it seemed, until she almost attacked me as I stood over her. “It’s me!” I licked her face a few times, and she didn’t know how to react. “I missed you!” I exclaimed, stepping off her. The leafeon got to her paws, her eyes holding answers to questions I was yet to ask.

“Yeah, I...kinda missed you too,” she replied half-heartedly, and my grin nearly faded by almost fifty percent.
‘Isn’t she happier than that to see me again?’

“Who is this?!” screeched the cat-like pokémon who was the one chatting to Izante, and my friend hardly made any move to obstruct the persian’s path as he leapt at me with his claws sharp and ready for a fury swipes.

“Hey, wait!” I yelped, nearly being clawed at as the normal type missed. “I’m a friend!”

“Talyn, stop,” Izante simply commanded. The persian, his large body mainly buff-coloured, eyed me suspiciously and kept his teeth visible, retracting his claws. His gaze descended downwards as if I was inferior.

“This is the flareon,” he guessed, but the statement sounded more confident than a mere assumption. Izante nodded, and I began wondering what was going on. ‘Talyn’ turned to her. “Come on, Izante—we’re leaving.”

“Wait,” I began, trying to smile again. “W...how are you goi—”

“Oh, stick your nose into some other pokémon’s business!” the ‘classy’ cat pokémon snapped, sneering as he took a step forwards with one of his front legs, his muscle showing near his neck. I recoiled, an angry frown quickly developing. I growled and he hissed, backing up to sit next to Izante. I narrowed my eyes, shifting my attention to the undecided leafeon.

“Come with me,” I insisted. “Let’s get outta here. Back to our masters!”

“She’s not coming with you,” Talyn huffed, his tail stroking Izante’s back as it flicked about her.

‘He thinks she’s his property,’ I came to think. “You can’t speak for her,” I retorted, fluffing up. “I know her better than you.” I snorted again, spitting a wisp of fire from the side of my mouth.

“Heh. The flareon’s getting pouty,” he teased, and I boiled inside.

I fired a stream of flames at him, but he swiftly snatched Izante and dodged to the side. I blinked in succession, both agitated and surprised by his unexpected speed. He nudged Izante in the direction they were facing, and she gave me a blank look before taking off with him to their left, disappearing between two crates.

“Izante!” I exclaimed, determined to rescue her. She was probably under his control or something! I pursued them, spying the persian’s tail curl ‘round a corner between two other crates to the left further up, and I hastened my pace to become faster. I rounded the bend, but was immediately stopped as I ran into something bony. “Ugh!” I muttered, falling back onto my rump. But by the time I opened my eyes again, a human body was looming over me. I squealed and urged my paws to scramble away, but a metal-barred cage was shoved over my top, turned upside-down and quickly locked. “AHH!” I screamed, and used a hot flamethrower on the bars. However, they were like the earlier ones—coated with pokémon-proof invisible fields on the inside! “HELP!” I cried, rocking the cage as the human held it. He revealed a handheld device, and I drew a sharp breath as I realised what it was.

The electricity surged through me, making me slump as my tail leaked between gaps in the cage. Tears dropped from my eyes, and I wearily lifted my head to the direction I suspected Izante to be in. She was boarding one of the Team Rocket humans’ fearow with the suspiciously persuasive persian and another human, and I could tell she knew I was captured. While avoiding my eye contact, she buried herself in the large feathers of the bird pokémon. ‘How could she do this to me? Why?!’ I stressed my teeth. “IZANTE,” I screeched through dense tears. But the leafeon only restrained herself from facing me, which confused me all the more. “IZANTE!” I exclaimed again, and it must have been so loud that even my friends back on the other side of the ship could hear me.

Just as the passing thought struck me, something hacked at the Rocket man, blood splattering everywhere—including on my face. At first I thought it was Izante coming to my rescue, but that was an amateurish guess. “Reckless!” Zhol accused, growling at the human but clearly speaking to me. She blew an effortless icy wind on the cage’s lock and followed up with slash, destroying the lock and even searing through some of the ice-damaged bars. I didn’t manage any kind of smile, but instead a distressed expression combined with relief and misery. “We have to go!” she yelled at me, the human collapsing as he feebly held his slit throat. I nodded briskly, tackling the cage door and making it swing open. Gunshots sounded from behind Zhol, and she zipped out of the human on the fearow’s sight. My thoughts were telling me thousands of things which all rushed through my perplexed mind, and I leaped from the cage, coming to a stop. I hesitated and shed my last tears as I tore away from the sight of my past best friend. I could have sworn I glimpsed a flicker of a smile on the persian’s face before I disappeared, trailing Zhol as closely behind as I could while missing a bullet by a hair.

***

I couldn’t think straight as we were racing back, and I was so confused! I didn’t even want to consider reasons why my ‘best friend’ didn’t help me out as they weakened my legs and softened my heart. The last flame of hope and trust guttered helplessly, and I struggled to find reasons to keep it alight. ‘She was under a spell; that persian was controlling her!’ I kept repeating, but nothing seemed to help. I couldn’t bring myself to believe my own words of reason.

Suddenly, cold blue flames seared before me, cutting my path. I whimpered as I had to halt, and the garchomp gave a mighty roar as its fire died and its eyes burned bright. I shouted in agony as I realised how much pressure was put on me at this point, and I wanted to scream! The evil, possessed monster thudded towards me threateningly, and I evaded with everything I had, just missing its path of destruction. I used my paws, slipping to be still and turning to face the enormous beast. Zhol had also halted, but probably knew if she interfered it would go for her or attack me because of sudden movements. “Save yourself,” I instructed, my eyes not removing themselves from the monster. The sneasel waited in anticipation, as did I, and something told me she wasn’t going to comply. But Raiys and Hakumei had probably jumped already, or if they hadn’t, they’d be waiting for Zhol to return with me.

Wind howled around me, mocking my suffering and baiting the garchomp. My tuft blew, my eyes locked in place. Tears were swept from my eyes, but they were ones previously formed. I was no longer crying, but clenching my fangs. This murderous, artificial bastard was about to kill me. I was scared out of my fur, and I didn’t particularly want to die. But I would rather it be me than my friends. If it wanted my life...it would have to fight me for it.

The monster closed in on me, the ocean roaring behind as waves licked the sides of the ship, reaching out for us. I shivered uncontrollably. Would I die right here and now? Was I prepared to throw my life away for this seemingly worthy cause of the beast’s disposal? And on top of that...could I actually defeat it?

The genetically modified pokémon raised a giant claw, readying it for when it came down and plunged into my body. My heart pounded in my chest and hammered my ribs, ready to explode from my chest and litter the ship’s deck with my insides. Moments before it prepared to strike, it probably grinned on the inside. But I would never know.

Continued in two posts...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Before there was too much for four posts]
There we are. ^^ Okay, one less post than I imagined, but hey. xD Hope you liked this one.

~Xanthe.
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Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 07-26-2011 at 06:20 AM.
  #262  
Old 09-10-2009, 10:32 PM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+] New chapter liek totally~

Holy Crap, that was the best thing I've read in a long time! I'm serious!
Two strong Pokemon sacrificing themselves for Dusty, some really creepy mutant Pokemon, all Pokemon now escaped from the ship, and Izante turning traitor. Awesome!
As much as I would love to say I didn't see Izante doing basically the same thing she did here, I can't, because I did. I can't imagine the pain Dusty must have gone through...
So where is this story going, I wonder? I have no idea, but my psychic abilities tell me that eventually there will be at least twenty chapters, possibly twenty six. Of course, they've been wrong before...But oh well, I'm sure you've got something good planned.

Until Next Time
Scalec, Duke of Craziness
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  #263  
Old 09-11-2009, 06:09 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+] New chapter liek totally~

DOUBLE EDIT: Lol, the remainder of the chapter has to go here as of two years later.

-----------------------------------------
“MOVE!” exclaimed somebody determined. I became confused, and my limbs seized up. The rocky sound of a fast-moving attack knocked at my ears, and my brain visualised an image. I still couldn’t move though, disobeying the pokémon I hoped to stand by until the moment we were simultaneously unable to aid one another.

Being shoved suddenly from harm’s way, I tumbled with a small and nimble dark figure before a slapping noise got me to my paws. I wished my eyes were deceiving me as a round ball of rock slammed into the garchomp, ruthlessly throwing both itself and the monster over the edge of the ship. A deafening scream erupted from my mouth, and I again bolted to the beams lining the ship’s edge. “ROARAKE!” I cried, the rock and ground type uncurled from his rollout attack to see eye-to-eye with me. “No...” I whispered, my eyes shaking and my nose fizzing. The faintest of depressing smiles before his tears generated crept onto the golem’s face, something telling me he was almost grateful or happy. The smile was the last thing appearing on my mind as I wept to the sound of a splosh. He seemed to dissolve into the salty expanse of liquid, the waves happily taking him and washing over where he landed. The garchomp attempted to swim, but was obviously unable to and began to sink in a flurry of splutters and protesting roars. “Oh, Roarake...” I wailed, mouthfuls of tears washing down my face and dripping eventually into the sea. I inhaled, crying at the same time. “First Luck,” I whined, “AND NOW YOU!” I fell to the deck in an emotional breakdown, feeling the heavy inhale and exhale which choked in my throat and ended with coughs and saliva. Two claws rested on my back as an act of comfort, and I would have shoved them violently off if I hadn’t been so unwilling to hurt another pokémon again.

“Golem cannot swim. The water pokémon wouldn’t have been able to carry him. He was unable to survive regardless,” Zhol stated, raising her voice to be heard over my loud sobs.

“HE’S DROWNING RIGHT NOW!” I hollered, raising my head to do so and lowering it once more.

“Rock and ground types are susceptible to water. It may have rendered him unconscious by this stage.” Although she wasn’t helping emotionally, Zhol made a good point. I guessed this was her way of cheering others up. I knew she only hid her emotion to be strong; someone had to.

“Dusty; Zhol!” exclaimed Hakumei, who bounded into view. I found it ironic that he only happened to appear after the garchomp had perished. “Come on! The bomb’s going to blow up in any number of minutes! Hurry!” Zhol reacted immediately by removing her paw and helping me up, and she zoomed to be next to the umbreon as I slumped my head and forced myself to follow.

The reason I managed to get myself up was a powerful one; it was one that helped me surrender myself to the cruel oceanic waves as I leaped from the ship with the two dark types either side of me. The wind rushed through my throat and brushed each strand of fur on my body, blowing my ears wildly back. With a brief time to brace ourselves, we pounded through the sea’s surface, the freezing water handing me stabbing shock on a silver platter. I forgot to breathe, but the reason came back to me. Just like how I’d been swimming only days ago with Izante, I waved my paws about, strolling without enough effort towards the surface to break free of the water’s hold and inhale the fresh but salty air. I was too weak to pull myself onto the walrein that was to help me and Zhol, and instead I fell through the water again, barely noticing as something swept underneath me and collected my sodden body. I began to drift away from reality as the walrein continued on, my many saviours slipping from my head. The ursaring and golem who sacrificed themselves in order to save a measly flareon like myself may have been considered foolish by me, but obviously they thought the exact opposite. Was I really worth saving if the consequences were so severe?

The image of my best friend also wandered away from my head, swaying her tail as my eyes clinked closed, and making the final decision to desert me once and for all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quote:
Originally Posted by scalec View Post
Holy Crap, that was the best thing I've read in a long time! I'm serious!
Two strong Pokemon sacrificing themselves for Dusty, some really creepy mutant Pokemon, all Pokemon now escaped from the ship, and Izante turning traitor. Awesome!
As much as I would love to say I didn't see Izante doing basically the same thing she did here, I can't, because I did. I can't imagine the pain Dusty must have gone through...
So where is this story going, I wonder? I have no idea, but my psychic abilities tell me that eventually there will be at least twenty chapters, possibly twenty six. Of course, they've been wrong before...But oh well, I'm sure you've got something good planned.

Until Next Time
Scalec, Duke of Craziness
*eyes shimmer* ... *TACKLE HUGS* Thank you so much!!! ^^ I'm certainly pleased you think so! (You did read the previous chapter, right? xD 'Cause only Scy and Riolu commented, so I'm just making sure. :3)
Oh, so that means you saw it coming? x3 Well, I thought it would be a good way to turn things around. And yeah, poor Dusty.


Dusty: As if you care--you were the one who did it to me!

Haha, well, actually, after this it's kinda blurry, but I have a rough outline of where I wanna go. I'll go wherever my mind takes me. x) Haha, I hope so. ^^ I have bigs plans for this other story I wanna do, and it's a little annoying that I don't have such big plans for this story. But I hope people like you will keep loyally following regardless, and hopefully I can make this successful! ^^

xD Thanks, Scalec!

~Xanthe.

EDIT: I may not be able to do a picture for a while, since I have 12 things of homework stacked up that's due all next week. >.<
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Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.

Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 07-26-2011 at 06:16 AM.
  #264  
Old 09-11-2009, 07:52 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+] New chapter liek totally~

Yay, another chapter! I liked this one...I like long chapters! I hope you get more ideas for this story soon, because I really want to see what happens!

Typo killing time!
Quote:
I decided on snooping around more as the better use of my time
Kind of confusing...maybe try "I decided that snooping around more was a better use for my time?"
Quote:
He leant down, holding out a light bluey-grey hand in front of the Fire type’s muzzle.
Do you mean bent down? Or leaned down?
Quote:
My left ear itched, and I longer to scratch it,
Longed
Quote:
She was silent for not long.
Kind of sounded weird...I think it would sound better as "she wasn't silent for long" or something.
Quote:
She was boarding one of the Team Rocket humans’ Fearow with the suspiciously persuasive Persian and another human, and I could tell she knew I was captures.
Captured
Quote:
instead I fell through the water again, barely noticing as a sweeping underneath brought me onto the Water and Ice type’s back.
Huh?


Ok, about the chapter...first of all, yay! They finally got off that ship! I was kind of surprised to see Roarake again, and even though he died, I liked how he seemed happy about being able to do something good before that. At the beginning, I really liked how you described Dusty's reaction to those mutated pokemon in that room...speaking of which, I kind of feel sorry for that garchomp. I mean, I know it was evil, but that wasn't really its fault, but the human's. >.< I did like how it really seemed like a threat, and took a lot of attacks to finally take down. I also wondered what that machop did that allowed Dusty to move again...
Quote:
“LUCK!!!” I screamed, disregarding my injuries and flying to the railing. I witnessed nothing but a high-rising splash metres and metres down, the threatening sound laughing in my face. “LUCK!!!” The tears welled faster than a Scyther could fly and poured out into the ocean, traces of my sorrow falling with them. “WHY?!” I droned, unable to contain the agonising feelings stacked up inside me. “...Why?”
I really liked how you wrote this part too, and I loved the mention of a scyther. xD I was sad to see Luck die though...I really liked him. D=


Funny moments!
Quote:
In the room I was in, there were thirteen tall-standing capsules containing wicked-looking Pokémon. And by ‘wicked’, I wasn’t referring to them looking really cool
XD
Quote:
Wild shadows were tossed across the floor, and any of them could easily have been used as a hiding spot...especially if I wanted to jump out at Zhol when she walked past! But I knew it was the wrong time, of course.
Wrong time indeed...
Quote:
Zhol hesitated to push past Pokemon while I thoughtlessly ploughed through them, occasionally excusing myself.
That image was really funny. xD
Quote:
He also put down a orange-blotched yellow sitrus berry that looked wrinkled and was bruised. Probably old. A grandpa fruit!

“Ooh!” I excitedly exclaimed, my tongue hanging from my mouth. “Wow! LOLLIES!!”
So were these moments!


I wasn't surprised to see Izante become a traitor, based on how she'd been acting before... I liked how you wrote Dusty's reaction to it, though, and I wonder what part Izante will play in the future.

I'm definitely looking forward to the next one!
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  #265  
Old 09-11-2009, 11:31 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+] New chapter liek totally~

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Yay, another chapter! I liked this one...I like long chapters! I hope you get more ideas for this story soon, because I really want to see what happens!

Typo killing time!

*insert typos here*

Ok, about the chapter...first of all, yay! They finally got off that ship! I was kind of surprised to see Roarake again, and even though he died, I liked how he seemed happy about being able to do something good before that. At the beginning, I really liked how you described Dusty's reaction to those mutated pokemon in that room...speaking of which, I kind of feel sorry for that garchomp. I mean, I know it was evil, but that wasn't really its fault, but the human's. >.< I did like how it really seemed like a threat, and took a lot of attacks to finally take down. I also wondered what that machop did that allowed Dusty to move again...

I really liked how you wrote this part too, and I loved the mention of a scyther. xD I was sad to see Luck die though...I really liked him. D=

Funny moments!

XD

Wrong time indeed...

That image was really funny. xD

So were these moments!

I wasn't surprised to see Izante become a traitor, based on how she'd been acting before... I liked how you wrote Dusty's reaction to it, though, and I wonder what part Izante will play in the future.

I'm definitely looking forward to the next one!
Thank you! :D I liked how it was long too, but it took me about two ours to go through it, space it out for the posts, and correct the typos I spotted. x3

xD Stupid typos! I agree with them all, and I know sometimes I'm not clear and word my sentences weirdly. xD But hey!

Yeah, I was relieved about that too! I'm excited to write a story in a forest. :P Yeah, I thought people wouldn't be expecting him, and yeah--I felt bad making him splash into the water and sink like a rock to the bottom! Dx But to make it more powerful... x) Yeah, I wanted to describe how creepy they were and how much she didn't trust them. And yeah, I see what you mean. You're right, it wasn't any of the evil Pokemon's faults. D: Yeah. I thought perhaps at first the attacks weren't doing enough damage, so I wanted to increase it just a little. xD It could have taken more, but...well, it fell off the edge. xDx
And yes...you'll learn more about it. >:D

I mentioned that Scyther just for you! :D And yeah...I fought with Dusty over that. x_x She finally decided to let me.

xD I'm glad I made you laugh! :D I thought the "LOLLIES!" bit was kinda funny...although she went a little insane. xD

Oh, really? Lol, well, I guess she wasn't that ecstatic like Dusty. x3 You'll find out!

Thanks! :D I'll try to keep up my un-writer's block. xD

~Xanthe.
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  #266  
Old 09-11-2009, 01:11 PM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+] New chapter liek totally~

Well, finally got around to reading this... and... to be honest, I kinda skimmed over the first few chapters. I got the general idea, but didn't get the in-depth understanding of it I probably should have. But once they got on the boat... wow. I couldn't keep my eyes off of the screen. That was just an amazingly well-done, emotionally stirring story arc that was unpredictable, shocking, somewhat painful, and yet, strangely satisfying. I was very, VERY impressed with the last few chapters, and it all flowed very well and kept up the pace very nicely. There were a few slightly confusing moments, but reading them over once more made them make sense, so it's all good. The whole bit with the genetically modified Pokemon... you took something that could almost be labeled "cliche" and made it thrilling, scary, and exciting. The Garchomp was done, I would almost say, perfectly, as it was an incredible threat, and yet not quite invincible, but you had it defeated by being washed into the ocean, rather than taken down by attacks. So, you did the right thing: you left the reader wondering just how much more that thing could take, and if it really is invincible against regular attacks. That was amazing.

The whole bit with Izante? Somewhat predictable from the conversation Haunter overheard, but not exactly what happened. Is she working with Team Rocket? I know you kept it rather mysterious and it's hard to tell, but it makes me wonder what's going on... and that's actually, kind of perfect. It's good to leave some kind of suspense and not reveal too much all at once.

Really, I have to say that your story-crafting skills are absolutely remarkable. I would say I'm speechless, except that I obviously have a lot to say XD. But almost speechless. =P It took a while to get the ball rolling, but once it did, I was captivated. You have done an AMAZING job with this story so far, beyond words. I've tried to use the best words I can to describe this, but really, it's beyond my skill to explain. You've really impressed me beyond words here, and you're pushing me to amp up my own story. And I talk about yours taking a while to get the ball rolling... the real plot in my fic hasn't really gotten rolling, either, yet. O_O Oh well. Great, great, great job with this, and I cannot wait to see what happens next.
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  #267  
Old 09-12-2009, 02:12 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+] New chapter liek totally~

Quote:
Originally Posted by KantoChamp46 View Post
Well, finally got around to reading this... and... to be honest, I kinda skimmed over the first few chapters. I got the general idea, but didn't get the in-depth understanding of it I probably should have. But once they got on the boat... wow. I couldn't keep my eyes off of the screen. That was just an amazingly well-done, emotionally stirring story arc that was unpredictable, shocking, somewhat painful, and yet, strangely satisfying. I was very, VERY impressed with the last few chapters, and it all flowed very well and kept up the pace very nicely. There were a few slightly confusing moments, but reading them over once more made them make sense, so it's all good. The whole bit with the genetically modified Pokemon... you took something that could almost be labeled "cliche" and made it thrilling, scary, and exciting. The Garchomp was done, I would almost say, perfectly, as it was an incredible threat, and yet not quite invincible, but you had it defeated by being washed into the ocean, rather than taken down by attacks. So, you did the right thing: you left the reader wondering just how much more that thing could take, and if it really is invincible against regular attacks. That was amazing.

The whole bit with Izante? Somewhat predictable from the conversation Haunter overheard, but not exactly what happened. Is she working with Team Rocket? I know you kept it rather mysterious and it's hard to tell, but it makes me wonder what's going on... and that's actually, kind of perfect. It's good to leave some kind of suspense and not reveal too much all at once.

Really, I have to say that your story-crafting skills are absolutely remarkable. I would say I'm speechless, except that I obviously have a lot to say XD. But almost speechless. =P It took a while to get the ball rolling, but once it did, I was captivated. You have done an AMAZING job with this story so far, beyond words. I've tried to use the best words I can to describe this, but really, it's beyond my skill to explain. You've really impressed me beyond words here, and you're pushing me to amp up my own story. And I talk about yours taking a while to get the ball rolling... the real plot in my fic hasn't really gotten rolling, either, yet. O_O Oh well. Great, great, great job with this, and I cannot wait to see what happens next.
Ah, yes, the first few weren't that greatly written, and I think it was to introduce the characters and set the scene...even though the scene changed a lot. xD That's really fine, because nothing much really happened. It was kinda to get a feel of what Izante and Dusty were like together and so you could get an understanding of how much Dusty loved her (as a friend xD). The whole traitor idea actually came from a situation that happened in real life which was to do with the person who Izante was supposed to be (Dusty resembling me), and how I felt like it affected me--which is how I tried to make it for Dusty. And, hah, one time I called her up (before we stopped being friends), and I was like: "Oh...*insert name here*! I miss you!" And she was like: "Uh, yeah...I kinda miss you too." And then I was like: ... :( just how Dusty felt at her best friend's reaction when she felt like she hadn't seen her in ages. >.>
Oh, really? ;D *blushes* Haha, reading all those compliments almost made my eyes water! ^v^ Oh, good! Glad I didn't go off track or go to fast or anything. ^^'
Yes, well, the whole idea of the altered Pokemon (who actually have a name, but I won't reveal that until the story does) came from when Dusty and I were walking home from school earlier this year (laugh if you want, but I used to have an imaginary Dusty as an Eevee walking beside me when I didn't have an iPod, and also a number of other Pokemon we 'caught'). One time walking home, we ran into a strange Growlithe with black rings around his eyes. He looked in pain and really aggressive, but I managed to catch him. Every time I let him out of his Poke Ball, he would try to attack anything that was nearby, and that's where I got the idea of those sorts of Pokemon for the story. But the ones in the story can be different colours. :D I was also inspired by Shadow Pokemon, but they're not supposed to be as bad as my creations. :3
Hehe, glad to hear I did! There's a reason why it couldn't swim, but I'll let you find out. It's not that hard to guess. xD

Yeah, I thought so, but I felt that bit needed to be included. :D And you were going to find out in a few chapters from then anyway. xD Yeah, I tried not to. >:D You'll soon find out about Izante. ^^ Maybe in two or three chapters time. ;P Or maybe longer than that. xD

Oh, why thank you! :DDD Hahaha, good call! xD Aw, I'm too flattered. xD I didn't even think it was that good! But I'm glad you guys think so. ^^ Well, it's good not to rush into things so fast, so don't worry about that. ^^ Besides, yours is going awesome so far! ;D Thank you so very much, and I'm so thrilled to have such beautiful readers and reviewers! ^v^ I'm so happy! :D

I'd happily spend time doing a drawing now, but I have to do a 1920s assignment among others. But thanks so much for all the comments, guys! I never thought I'd get such lovely reviews and feedback! :D It's great to have both negative and positive views, and thanks to Scy for always finding those pesky typos and spots where I don't make myself clear enough. xD *GIANT HUGS TO YOU ALL* I'm really lucky to be on such a forum with such people. ^^

~Xanthe.
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  #268  
Old 09-12-2009, 02:28 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+] New chapter liek totally~

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graceful_Suicune View Post


Ah, yes, the first few weren't that greatly written, and I think it was to introduce the characters and set the scene...even though the scene changed a lot. xD That's really fine, because nothing much really happened. It was kinda to get a feel of what Izante and Dusty were like together and so you could get an understanding of how much Dusty loved her (as a friend xD). The whole traitor idea actually came from a situation that happened in real life which was to do with the person who Izante was supposed to be (Dusty resembling me), and how I felt like it affected me--which is how I tried to make it for Dusty. And, hah, one time I called her up (before we stopped being friends), and I was like: "Oh...*insert name here*! I miss you!" And she was like: "Uh, yeah...I kinda miss you too." And then I was like: ... :( just how Dusty felt at her best friend's reaction when she felt like she hadn't seen her in ages. >.>
Oh, really? ;D *blushes* Haha, reading all those compliments almost made my eyes water! ^v^ Oh, good! Glad I didn't go off track or go to fast or anything. ^^'
Yes, well, the whole idea of the altered Pokemon (who actually have a name, but I won't reveal that until the story does) came from when Dusty and I were walking home from school earlier this year (laugh if you want, but I used to have an imaginary Dusty as an Eevee walking beside me when I didn't have an iPod, and also a number of other Pokemon we 'caught'). One time walking home, we ran into a strange Growlithe with black rings around his eyes. He looked in pain and really aggressive, but I managed to catch him. Every time I let him out of his Poke Ball, he would try to attack anything that was nearby, and that's where I got the idea of those sorts of Pokemon for the story. But the ones in the story can be different colours. :D I was also inspired by Shadow Pokemon, but they're not supposed to be as bad as my creations. :3
Hehe, glad to hear I did! There's a reason why it couldn't swim, but I'll let you find out. It's not that hard to guess. xD

Yeah, I thought so, but I felt that bit needed to be included. :D And you were going to find out in a few chapters from then anyway. xD Yeah, I tried not to. >:D You'll soon find out about Izante. ^^ Maybe in two or three chapters time. ;P Or maybe longer than that. xD

Oh, why thank you! :DDD Hahaha, good call! xD Aw, I'm too flattered. xD I didn't even think it was that good! But I'm glad you guys think so. ^^ Well, it's good not to rush into things so fast, so don't worry about that. ^^ Besides, yours is going awesome so far! ;D Thank you so very much, and I'm so thrilled to have such beautiful readers and reviewers! ^v^ I'm so happy! :D

I'd happily spend time doing a drawing now, but I have to do a 1920s assignment among others. But thanks so much for all the comments, guys! I never thought I'd get such lovely reviews and feedback! :D It's great to have both negative and positive views, and thanks to Scy for always finding those pesky typos and spots where I don't make myself clear enough. xD *GIANT HUGS TO YOU ALL* I'm really lucky to be on such a forum with such people. ^^

~Xanthe.
I kind of suspected that that was the reason that Izante became a traitor. I think it's kind of neat though-I base some things in some of my stories off of things that happen in real life too.

And what you said about the Dusty eevee and growlithe, I do things like that too! When I'm at school or something I think of these adventures in my mind, and whenever something happens in real life (good or bad) something representing that happens in the adventure. (Getting help on an assignment could mean a pokemon or animal-whichever I'm thinking of at the time, would help me find my way through a wasteland or forest or desert (whatever I was pretending the place I was in was at the time) or if something bad happened I or one of the other pokemon I was traveling with gets trapped or injured.) It certainly makes every day a lot more exciting. xD

And don't worry about the drawing-I'm sure you'll get time for it soon!

And I hope your un-writer's block stays too-maybe we could talk about stories or something if you're having trouble writing-that always gets me in the mood to write my stories. xD
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  #269  
Old 09-12-2009, 08:46 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+] New chapter liek totally~

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I kind of suspected that that was the reason that Izante became a traitor. I think it's kind of neat though-I base some things in some of my stories off of things that happen in real life too.

And what you said about the Dusty eevee and growlithe, I do things like that too! When I'm at school or something I think of these adventures in my mind, and whenever something happens in real life (good or bad) something representing that happens in the adventure. (Getting help on an assignment could mean a pokemon or animal-whichever I'm thinking of at the time, would help me find my way through a wasteland or forest or desert (whatever I was pretending the place I was in was at the time) or if something bad happened I or one of the other pokemon I was traveling with gets trapped or injured.) It certainly makes every day a lot more exciting. xD

And don't worry about the drawing-I'm sure you'll get time for it soon!

And I hope your un-writer's block stays too-maybe we could talk about stories or something if you're having trouble writing-that always gets me in the mood to write my stories. xD
Oh, had I told you about her? xD (Sorry, I forget who I tell what!) Yeah, well--I thought it would be a good thing to incorporate. And real life situations and events can really help, as well as be interesting. ^^

Hehe, high-five! :D Hehe, that's cool. I usually did it when I as bored (a.k.a. when I walked home), or on weekends when I had nothing else to do. xD And yeah, it's like that with me too--I always talk to Dusty (but not the Eevee Dusty who comes home with me--the one from this story!) when I want advice, or she'll just turn up randomly and start talking to me. xD And yeah! Always makes your day better. xD

Hopefully. I really wanna do a group picture (but not for the chapter picture) as well, but my holidays start in less than a week! WOO!! And by that time all my homework should be done since it's all due this week coming up. +_+

:D That's a good idea! It'd be easier if we lived in the same country, at least. xD Then there'd be no time differences! (And we could use the phone easier and stuff--provided you'd want to. xD) But hey. Talking on here (or dA!) is still good. ^^ Yes, thanks. ^^

~Xanthe.
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  #270  
Old 09-12-2009, 10:44 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG: 13+] New chapter liek totally~

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graceful_Suicune View Post


Oh, had I told you about her? xD (Sorry, I forget who I tell what!) Yeah, well--I thought it would be a good thing to incorporate. And real life situations and events can really help, as well as be interesting. ^^

Hehe, high-five! :D Hehe, that's cool. I usually did it when I as bored (a.k.a. when I walked home), or on weekends when I had nothing else to do. xD And yeah, it's like that with me too--I always talk to Dusty (but not the Eevee Dusty who comes home with me--the one from this story!) when I want advice, or she'll just turn up randomly and start talking to me. xD And yeah! Always makes your day better. xD

Hopefully. I really wanna do a group picture (but not for the chapter picture) as well, but my holidays start in less than a week! WOO!! And by that time all my homework should be done since it's all due this week coming up. +_+

:D That's a good idea! It'd be easier if we lived in the same country, at least. xD Then there'd be no time differences! (And we could use the phone easier and stuff--provided you'd want to. xD) But hey. Talking on here (or dA!) is still good. ^^ Yes, thanks. ^^

~Xanthe.
Yeah, you did!

I would do that all the time! (And still do xD)

A group picture? Cool! How many characters are going to be in it?

Yeah that's true. D: But on the weekends I stay up late (night is the BEST time for writing I tell you!) and you're usually on at some point during that time, so we can talk on here then (or DA). =3 By the way, did you answer my note on DA yet? Because I didn't get one...

And I'm still excited to see Shard come in the story, if I remember right he was coming soon (in the next few chapters). =D
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