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  #1  
Old 09-08-2009, 06:20 PM
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Cool Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

Hello, I'm new here but I'm working on a fanfic now and want some feedback on my ideas. So basically, it's a League quest involving two Trainers named Tony and Lauren. The region i am using for this story is called Revonn, which I created myself. It is very mountainous and forested, with cold tundras and conifers in the northeast, jungle and volcanoes in the southwest, and warm deciduous forest everywhere else (I'll post a map of Revonn later). So anyways, Tony is sixteen and has just moved from Johto to Revonn with his family; his dad was the Gym Leader in Goldenrod. He and his family move to Gracewood Town on the west coast of Revonn, and there, Tony meets Lauren. She's also sixteen and one of the better Trainers around Gracewood. Upon arrival, Tony has a Pokmon battle with Lauren, and they tie. They become good friends afterwards.
After this, Tony meets with Prof. Beech, the Pokemon Professor of Revonn. Beech has already helped finish the International Pokedex, and he asks Tony, who is leaving in a week for the League Challenge, to ask Lauren to come with him. So Tony asks her, and she agrees, and they set off together on a quest for the eight Gym Badges and the Pokemon League, due to begin in a year or so.

That's how the story starts, but I haven't explained why I'm writing this. I'm sure that many fans of Pokemon these days have observed how childish the TV anime is sometimes, and though the games are still kickass enough, they lack involvement and depth. I want to write a story that can bring the original fans of Pokemon back and write a strong, mature story that people my own age won't ignore due to childishness.

I also want to make it interesting, in the sense that most people are bored out of their f-ing minds with the same Gym/League plot. So in addition to the main plot, which will twist here and there for reader interest, every other chapter or so, we will look into the life of Nolan Beech, the professor's son who also lives in Gracewood. He is often sent on odd jobs for his father, and works as a researcher for his father and the Revonn government. He will be peeking into endangered Pokemon, stopping poachers, and encountering Legendaries. Now, I won't say which ones, but expect anything. That's all I will say about that.

In case you're wondering what Tony and Lauren look like, here's a hyperlink that will take you to them. Just click here

Thanks for reading!
-TempOcean

Last edited by TempOcean; 09-08-2009 at 06:43 PM.
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  #2  
Old 09-11-2009, 12:11 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

could i get some feedback plz?
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  #3  
Old 09-12-2009, 03:20 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

Oh, sorry! I was going to say something earlier, but I got going on another thing.

Well, I'm not usually one for Trainer fics, but I do appreciate those that are as original as can be. Creating it in a made-up region like this sounds great, and I'd like to see what you can do to change the cliche plot line. My suggestion is to be as original as you can be, then it will be great ^^
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  #4  
Old 09-12-2009, 03:16 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

Quote:
...his dad was the Gym Leader in Goldenrod.
His father was this woman?!? Do some research, plzu.

Okay, so anyway. Aside from the obvious 'Whitney is a GIRL' dealie going on, this actually looks like one of the better pitches for a region and story. You've thought out Revonn's geography pretty well (more so than most fake regions, I think, unfortunately including my own for now). The reasons sound similar to Pokémon Rebirth, which has been created as a desire to make a fanfiction that doesn't stick ot the unfortunately-bad rep fanfiction has these days, but if it's going to be mature in the more literal sense... with mature topics and whatnot... then I'm not sure if I'll be reading it, sorry. :/ I think my twelve(or maybe thirteen)-year-old brain may implode from the mental scarring or something. The Nolan chapters sound extremely interesting to read, though.

...And also, why why WHY WHY WHY are Tony and Lauren represented from the R/S/E hero Sugimori art?!? At least design your own MCs to be in such a thought-out region.
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  #5  
Old 09-14-2009, 12:08 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

No, that's not true. don't forget this is THIRTY YEARS after Ash did his deal in the world (well, i've changed it to sixty years after some thought,) but anyways, there is a NEW Gym Leader in Goldenrod. That would be Brendan. Don't assume that I didn't see that "mistake", as I was thinking about this entire story for almost half a year before I wrote the first words.

And about the character art . . . well, i thought they looked the coolest and their style what was what I was envisioning for their outfits. Now, that is not EXACTLY what they will look like, given some minor changes (and don't forget that they are only 10-12 in those pics; in this story, they will be 16-17 ish). So there you go; personally, i think that R/S/E was the best game series, though i do give props to D/P/P for much better gameplay.

While I'm on the subject, who out there is tired of the same game plot of 8 gyms/ Elite 4/ Pokedex, etc etc? I think Nintendo needs an RPG/Adventure similar to World of Warcraft for the Wii or next major console where the character could literally do ANYTHING they wanted. From customized appearance to the storyline, it should be custom tailored to what the Trainer wants to do, much like WoW.

Last edited by TempOcean; 09-14-2009 at 12:13 PM.
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  #6  
Old 09-15-2009, 07:23 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

That would be cool ^^

I'm not too tired of the gym plot as long as there is a good story in it. I really liked Platinum and Emerald because of the story of the Legends in it, but after all that's said and done . . . there's nothing much to do but battle and battle and battle and battle.

Maybe that's why I'm not a big fan of Trainer Fics, unless they are done wonderfully ^^

I'm glad that you see this and want to change it in your fic. Will you have fakemon in your story?
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  #7  
Old 09-15-2009, 07:26 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

Can i get a HELL NO from this congergation? in case people haven't noticed, those guys that are paid to design Pokemon pretty damn well, and I sure as hell couldn't match that. It would be stupid. I don't like the concept of Fakemon at all. As a matter of fact, I can't even begin to imagine what other kinds of new Pokemon would appear in the newer games apart from continued evolutions (preform for Lapras, maybe). I think 500 is enough without people randomly making up new ones. Too confusing.
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  #8  
Old 09-15-2009, 10:40 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

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Originally Posted by TempOcean View Post
No, that's not true. don't forget this is THIRTY YEARS after Ash did his deal in the world
Where does it say that? :/ If you're going to reprimand us for forgetting something, make sure we could know it first.

I, personally, am not bored of the Gym Challenge plot, as long as the Gym Leaders and battles are interesting, it is written well, and has some (entertaining) sub-plots and/or other plot threads outside of that (like what happens in Emerald, where fighting off Teams Magma and Aqua and beating the Hoenn League don't usually intersect). Fakemon I'm cool with too, as long as they're not too unoriginal.

Also, I know the R/S/E MCs look the most similar to what you had in mind for them, but generally basing character designs heavily off of existing characters is somewhat frowned upon. I believe I could help you in the character-designing department, if you have any rough sketches or descriptions of the more exact features of each character.
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~ World famous singing sensation, Stefan Gordy.

(For the longest time I was telling myself that I would come back to PE2K once I had something artsy and cool to contribute... but that's too much effort. GIRA IS BACK!)

(vpp da)

Last edited by Giratina; 09-15-2009 at 10:46 PM.
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  #9  
Old 09-16-2009, 12:14 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

What I'm calling you out for is the fact that you thought Whitney was still the Gym Leader in Goldenrod, and as I have stated in my last post, this is sixty years after the anime-show. Obviously, there would be a new Gym Leader after sixty years, so there you go.

And thanks for the offer on changing my anime characters, but I'm keeping them (unless you or someone else could maybe post some alternate wardrobes for them?).

And remember how I said that the plot would twist here and there for reader interest? Here's an idea that I think a lot of people would like:

So, who has thought about what war would be like in the world of Pokemon? Bet you all thought war was abolished? Not quite. If two or more regions have a disagreement, they can settle it through conflict, but deaths in war have been outlawed. In the event of a conflict, a nation calls upon its Pokemon Trainers as a kind of National Guard to fight in conflicts. In a battle, if one side can defeat the other side's Trainers, then the defeated are rounded up a P.O.Ws and held in reasonably well condition until the war is over. Don't forget that most Rainers don't want to fight, and why punish someone when they are only following orders they HAVE to? Ranking officers and leadership would have a worse time than the foot soldiers.

There are five classes of Trainer (Class I - V). Trainers between classes II and V are called to fight. I always wondered why Trainers got to do just nothing but train their Pokemon and beat Gyms, etc etc. Well, they are now expected to serve should a crisis arise.

In this case, the Kanto Region has fallen to the control of Team Rocket (i know many will sigh and say 'why the hell are you bringing Team Rocket back?!?'). So for now its Team Rocket until I get suggestions or I think of a new one. So anyways, all the other regions; Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh and Revonn have declared war on Team Rocket and asend Trainers in to capture their leadership halfway through my story.

Last edited by TempOcean; 09-16-2009 at 02:46 PM.
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  #10  
Old 09-16-2009, 06:00 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

Hey, that's a pretty sweet idea. And I don't mind that you're putting Team Rocket in there. They're the original bad guys and deserve some respect. ; )

Did you mean Rangers instead of 'Rainers' back there?
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  #11  
Old 09-16-2009, 08:08 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

Quote:
Originally Posted by TempOcean View Post
What I'm calling you out for is the fact that you thought Whitney was still the Gym Leader in Goldenrod, and as I have stated in my last post, this is sixty years after the anime-show.
You did say that... AFTER I posted, objecting to the MC being the child of who I thought was Whitney. I only read the first post before replying, and I expect a first post for a story premise to have all of the information I need to understand things, and to not have any awkward moments without explanations - like the Whitney thing. You didn't mention the time period until your second post, after I posted, and I didn't find anything in the first stating that the story was '30 years after Ash's time'.

So really, you're yelling at me for something you forgot to put in.

Quote:
So, who has thought about what war would be like in the world of Pokemon?
NOOOOOOO!

Um, okay, maybe that was overemphasizing it. But seriously, I am sick and tired of stories that try to be special by setting a catastrophic war upon a more 'adult' Pokéverse. To me, that's really breaking something vital about Pokémon and its charm. It... isn't one of my favorite creative deviations. So yes, I've thought about it. No, I don't want to read it.

Quote:
Bet you all thought war was abolished? Not quite. If two or more regions have a disagreement, they can settle it through conflict, but deaths in war have been outlawed. In the event of a conflict, a nation calls upon its Pokemon Trainers as a kind of National Guard to fight in conflicts. In a battle, if one side can defeat the other side's Trainers, then the defeated are rounded up a P.O.Ws and held in reasonably well condition until the war is over. Don't forget that most Rainers don't want to fight, and why punish someone when they are only following orders they HAVE to? Ranking officers and leadership would have a worse time than the foot soldiers.

There are five classes of Trainer (Class I - V). Trainers between classes II and V are called to fight. I always wondered why Trainers got to do just nothing but train their Pokemon and beat Gyms, etc etc. Well, they are now expected to serve should a crisis arise.

In this case, the Kanto Region has fallen to the control of Team Rocket (i know many will sigh and say 'why the hell are you bringing Team Rocket back?!?'). So for now its Team Rocket until I get suggestions or I think of a new one. So anyways, all the other regions; Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh and Revonn have declared war on Team Rocket and asend Trainers in to capture their leadership halfway through my story.
Well, at least you did a bit more thinking than many other people. But anyway, how exactly would the Pokémon react to this? For that matter, how would it make any difference? Are both sides fighting with Pokémon, or are tanks and whatnot going to be charred to metal goop? Would it be something like what those red and green armies were doing in the Lucario movie (I'm sorry, I forget almost everything about them)?
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~ World famous singing sensation, Stefan Gordy.

(For the longest time I was telling myself that I would come back to PE2K once I had something artsy and cool to contribute... but that's too much effort. GIRA IS BACK!)

(vpp da)

Last edited by Giratina; 09-16-2009 at 08:11 PM.
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  #12  
Old 09-16-2009, 11:27 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

To Giratina:
Well, you don't have to read it, you know. It's not like I'm trying to force this on you or anything. Read if you want. If you've got helpful ideas, great. If not, then see-ya.

As for the Pokemon's reaction, they don't understand the motives of why humans are fighting; their only mission is to help their Trainer and for what the Trainer believes in, no matter what. Period.

If you don't like the concept of war as to preserve the "charm" of Pokemon, then you're just one person. People fight, ok? As much as I want the Pokemon world to be a utopia, it just can't happen. People argue. That's a fact, just look at the world right now.

And now to Charmander009:
Thanks for the support & feedback. I meant to say Trainers, by the way. So about the whole war thing . . .

I suppose that maybe the rules of engagement would change when it comes to Team Rocket, seeing as they don't really play fair, so maybe Trainers would get dart-pistols, methods of imprisoning Rockets (energy handcuffs, sedatives, etc). The whole point is to spare human life, and it is better to punish someone alive than to just kill them.
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  #13  
Old 09-17-2009, 12:04 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

Whoa, whoa. Is that a- it is! It is a 'don't like it, don't read it' excuse!!

I think you misunderstand what I'm trying to say.

I read your first post and replied, saying that Whitney was female and therefore couldn't be a father unless... some strange things happened. AFTER I posted that, you posted this:

Quote:
No, that's not true. don't forget this is THIRTY YEARS after Ash did his deal in the world (well, i've changed it to sixty years after some thought,) but anyways, there is a NEW Gym Leader in Goldenrod.
That use of 'don't forget' implies I should have known it already, right? Upon reading the first post again, you didn't say when this story was taking place, so I assumed that it was in the current time frame.

In other words, I HAD NO WAY OF KNOWING THIS WAS IN THE FUTURE.

And I'd rather not be reprimanded for your forgetting to type something, thanks.

Do you understand now?

Anyway, go right ahead with the 'Pokémon World is at war IT IS MATURE NOW YAY' ploy. I'm just saying that I'm sick and tired of writers trying to make their story different like that. Go ahead, write your little fic that takes everything we hate about the real world and drops it into a kids' fandom. [arm wave]
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"Wigglewigglewigglewigglewigglewigglewiggle."
~ World famous singing sensation, Stefan Gordy.

(For the longest time I was telling myself that I would come back to PE2K once I had something artsy and cool to contribute... but that's too much effort. GIRA IS BACK!)

(vpp da)
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  #14  
Old 09-17-2009, 02:27 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

Quote:
Originally Posted by Giratina View Post
Whoa, whoa. Is that a- it is! It is a 'don't like it, don't read it' excuse!!

I think you misunderstand what I'm trying to say.

I read your first post and replied, saying that Whitney was female and therefore couldn't be a father unless... some strange things happened. AFTER I posted that, you posted this:



That use of 'don't forget' implies I should have known it already, right? Upon reading the first post again, you didn't say when this story was taking place, so I assumed that it was in the current time frame.

In other words, I HAD NO WAY OF KNOWING THIS WAS IN THE FUTURE.

And I'd rather not be reprimanded for your forgetting to type something, thanks.

Do you understand now?

Anyway, go right ahead with the 'Pokémon World is at war IT IS MATURE NOW YAY' ploy. I'm just saying that I'm sick and tired of writers trying to make their story different like that. Go ahead, write your little fic that takes everything we hate about the real world and drops it into a kids' fandom. [arm wave]
Wow, what a spazzy reply. o_o As far as I could see, Temp wasn't being rude in saying 'don't like, don't read', they were merely stating that they weren't trying to force the idea on you and that they knew not everyone is going to like it. Plus you already said you don't want to read it, so why was that a problem? I really don't think Temp meant anything bad by the comment. =/


Ok, on the whole "pokemon war" thing, I say, if you want to write about it and have good ideas, go for it. Just make sure it's done well. I don't really look for stories that involve wars, so I haven't exactly read any, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't give such a story a chance to see if it was done in a way I'd like.

Now, just because some people don't like it (me included, usually, though like I said I can't just say I'd hate all pokemon stories involving wars; it would depend on how each story was done), that does not mean no one will, or that you shouldn't write it. I mean, if everyone decided not to write something because someone told them not to because they wouldn't like it, no one would be able to write anything! The whole war thing will probably be a hard concept to pull off, so make sure you put a lot of thought into what'll happen in the story before you write it. Good luck with wherever you decide to take this story!
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  #15  
Old 09-17-2009, 12:11 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Chronicles: The Next Generation

Thanks Scyther. The war thing is to just make this story different than just a random Gym/ Elite 4 quest, and I'll try and write it well. I'm going to have the Intro posted by Saturday and maybe Ch. 1 as well.
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