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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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Old 09-12-2009, 04:46 AM
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Default Sea Breeze/Marshy's first story in a while

I can't come up with a good title so oh well, but it has been a while. Um... So ya enjoy hopefully

Pokemon Going for: Diglett + Shroomish
Diffculty: Simple + Medium
Required Characters: 15000+
Character Count: 17385 (w/ Spaces)
Goodness: We'll see

I smiled as a salty breeze hit my face. I inhaled the cold sea wind mixed with brisk morning air. I removed my cheap flip-flops at the entrance of the beach along with my plain blue towel and ran off onto the sand. I quickly jumped across the burning dry sand onto the moist, cooler sand. I stopped right where the water could just barely reach my feet only occasionally. I dug my feet into the sand and felt the grains sticking to my wet feet. I still had my shirt on, but that couldn’t stop me from darting into the vast ocean. It was cold at first, but I ignored that too. I just loved the way the water pushed and pulled repeatedly.

The waves grew larger as I enjoyed my stay in the ocean. Testing my sense of danger, I’d jump through the waves just before they crashed, or not. Occasionally the waves would knock me around and I’d find myself cramped in a ball, being pushed and pulled by the various currents. Then I’d pop my head up and leap right back into another wave. I continued this fun several times until the impact on my body was too much. I stood up in the surprisingly shallow water and looked around for where I had entered, but I couldn’t seem to find anything familiar. Suddenly my legs were yanked as my body fell to the water. I turned around as the largest wave I had seen in my life began to creep towards me. My mind raced with panic as I tried to stand and run towards the shore. I braced my body for impact as the water crashed down on my body. My vision went black.

I ran down the steps in my blue floral bathing suit. My flip-flops made a large commotion as I hurried down the wood of our new house. I grabbed the towel that had been dried and then hung on a hook by the door since the day before. I opened the door and it creaked loudly. A call came from the kitchen beside my exit. “Where are you going?” it cried.

“Out!” I yelled back. It was the same place I had been going since we moved to this house four days ago. The voice waited a little trying to remember something.

“Do you have your Pokemon?” it remembered its usual question.
“Yes I do!” I quickly replied, knowing that her query was completed I began to open the door as my aging mother yelled, “Have fun!”
I looked down at my belt, the two Pokeballs were attached, even though only one would be useful in the ocean. The red metal ball containing my Mantyke sat closest to my drawstring. He may be small, but he was one hell of a swimmer, that’s why Mom always wanted me to bring him I guess. I walked off of our gravel driveway and onto the pavement. Beside my water friend was my very first Pokemon, Breloom. My father and I had went into the forest at our old house and caught him trying to reach a berry in a tall tree. My As I remembered my adventure I began to slip back to that time.

I was suddenly standing next to my father as he walked over to the tree and handed the berry to the grass Pokemon. The critter was afraid at first, but felt my father’s warming nature and accepted the berry. Dad waited until the Shroomish had completed its meal and then he pulled out a Pokeball. The Shroomish immediately readied itself for battle. My father nodded as he tossed his red and white mechanical ball into the air. It exploded into a red light that shot at the ground. The red light quickly formed a large bird. The bird opened its hefty beak, which was most of its body, and let out a monstrous honk like sound. The Pelipper landed on the ground and pecked under its small wings with the tip of its mustard nose. The small plant on the other side of the fight had a drop of sweat fall over its tan and green polka dot skin. The drop plummeted to the ground after reaching the end of its outer layer of skin that acted as a skirt over its more vulnerable under body.

Dad let his opponent make the first move. The grass Shroomish lowered its head and charged towards the bird, using a Headbutt. “Fly into the air,” my father called. Pelipper flapped its wings and began to rise into the sky. However, as Shroomish neared the husky bird, it leaped into the air, hitting it head on. Pelipper screeched and quickly flapped onto a nearby branch with a few dangling leaves to regain its head. Shroomish however did not waste any time. In the air, the plant shifted itself to face the branch its opponent rested on and sent a ball of concentrated green energy towards it.

Pelipper flapped its wings from its own reactions and dodged the energy ball. However when the attack hit the tree branch, it exploded sending splinters into the grass Pokemon’s eyes. It ducked away, giving my father the perfect chance for an attack.

“Pelipper! Quickly use Wing Attack!” The hefty bird did a loop in the air and charged towards the opponent, aligning its wings with the defenseless Pokemon. They began to light up as the bird forced its extremities into its enemy. Shroomish tumbled to the ground and bounced several times before landing on its back. It rocked back and forth until it gained enough momentum to land on its feet. Several cuts and scratches had been left on its face, but the strong opponent was still ready to battle. Shroomish began to build up more green energy in the form of another Energy Ball and fired it towards the bird. My father bit his lip, his long brown hair that I had copied was blowing slightly to the left with the breeze. He scrunched his eyebrows together and tried to think of what to do next. “Pelipper, use Mist!” The bird opened its large mouth and let out a light blue mist that began to cover the forest. It quickly spread which gave my father’s teammate time to also dodge the attack.

I gripped my father’s large hands to make sure he was still beside me. The mist was so thick I could barely see the brown bangs that hung over my eyes. Pelipper had practiced maneuvering in this think fog so it had a large advantage over its adversary. “Pelipper use Water Gun!” I could only hear as a blast of water was shot from the bird’s mouth. Also, spray hit my face as the water rushed by. A small grunt echoed through the shroud, which both my father and I took to mean the attack had been successful. The spray had reminded me of something, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. “Now, Pelipper, use Roost to regain your energy!” My father had always been a good strategist. Roost would help the bird regain some of its lost health, but it also made it immobile for a short time. This was no problem, however, if Shroomish couldn’t see Peilpper to land an attack. We could slightly hear the noises of the bird pecking at its injuries, healing them. Suddenly, a barrage of bullets was sprayed all over my body. I began to screech loudly. My father bent down on his knee and began to rub my head and whisper encouraging words. My tears quickly dried, but I could hear Pelipper being hit by the small projectiles.

I didn’t take long for my father to realize that his opponent had found the resting Pelipper. “Pelipper! Blow away the fog!” my father decided. The bird left the branch and flew into the air. It began to flap its wings speedily to push the fog away. My vision quickly returned to me as I returned to the clearing with the two Pokemon mid-battle. “Good Pelipper now use Water Pulse!” Pelipper inhaled and then sent out a small ball of water that sped towards the grass Pokemon. Water sprayed my face as it rushed by, which reminded me of the same something as before. I tried to remember as I lost focus on the battle. Shroomish was exhausted, and did not have the energy to dodge the attack. The enemy was knocked away and fell on the ground, unconscious. My father took advantage of this and pulled a Pokeball out of his pocket. The Pokeball also reminded me of something. Then suddenly I was without a shirt and I didn’t have shoes on. Then the entire forest disappeared except for the Pokeball which was shot a red light out to absorb the Shroomish. It fell to the ground and shook once, twice… and then I was alone.


I woke up with a sharp pain in my foot. I jumped up and grabbed my foot, which had a small red crab attached to it. The Krabby clutched to my foot as I tried to shake it loose. I yanked with all my strength and it eventually released its grip. I tossed the spiky critter into the water and then realized where I was. I was standing on a small bed of sand. My body imprint had been left in the ground. My pulsing foot rested on the ground and sunk into the sand. The hair on my arms stood on end as I realized I wasn’t home anymore. This beach did not look like the one I had gone into. I began to panic as I looked around for something familiar, but found nothing. I tried to stay calm, inhaling and exhaling to slow down my speedy heartbeat. I shook my head violently, my long hair, thick from the salty water moved as one piece. I started to calm down and thought of what was most logical to do. I looked around and saw a path leading away from the small beach. I decided I had nothing to lose. I checked my waist and luckily, my two Pokeballs were still attached. I put my weight on my previously attacked foot and the pain had oozed away. I started my walk towards whatever I could find.

The path was surrounded on both sides by a thick forest that stretched farther than I could see. The dirt had several small holes and bumps that made it uneven and rocks that shoved into my bare feet scattered about. It was clear that many different people had walked on the path many times, but right now I was the only person on it. I rested after about twenty minutes of walking. I had seen no signs of where I was or no ends to the path. Several Pokemon had rushed out of the path after seeing me walk by. I caught my breath and when I felt I could continue, I stood up and did so.

It had been I don’t know how long when I noticed a small house breaking out from the woods. My face lit up with excitement as I rushed to its small walkway. A car was parked in the small driveway, as opposed to in the open, empty garage. I walked along the small stone path up to the front steps and climbed up them. I pushed the small doorbell button. I could hear a ring echo inside. Footsteps grew louder as they neared the door. I smiled rather dumbly in my tattered shorts and topless chest. The door opened a crack and a woman looked at me frightfully. “What do you want?” it shrieked.

“I was well wondering if there was a town near by?” I had recited these words in my head many times to make sure I said the correct thing when I needed them, but they still seemed funny.
“There’s one ahead on that path!” the door slammed shut. I was a little startled, but I figured I wasn’t someone a house owner would want on their lawn. So, I walked back along the stone path and headed along the route again, this time confident of the town at the end. Suddenly the houses began to become more frequent, but no people were out in the early morning that it was. I walked to what seemed like a small deli that had a bright red OPEN sign in its window. I opened the door and stepped inside. I was suddenly hit with extreme hunger. I walked to the front counter. A woman of maybe her early thirties walked out and stood behind the counter.
She happily said, “What can I do ya for?” This woman’s attitude was very different than the woman I had met earlier. She was much prettier too.

“Well can I have uh…” I remembered I didn’t have any money and blushed.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. Her black curly hair looked very soft and her eyes were extremely preppy even in the early hour.

“Well I don’t have any money,” I said shamefully.

“Are you a traveler? I haven’t seen you around before,” she asked.

"Well… I washed up on the beach. I don’t really remember how I got there, so I guess ya,” I stammered at the end, my story sounding more ridiculous the more I said.

“Oh my gosh!” she exclaimed, “Are you okay? Here I’ll get you a nice Turkey sandwich just go sit on a table over there,” she pointed to a small collection of tables off to the side. I walked over and sat down. I felt guilty not being able to pay the woman.

I waited for about twenty minutes without the woman returning. I began to worry so I walked over to the counter and looked around. There was no sign of her. That seemed odd so I hopped over the counter. I heard faint sounds. I followed them into a storage door. I bit my lip as I turned the handle and whipped open the door. Four small brown creatures that were barely sticking out of the ground surrounded the woman. They had left a small circle of upturned dirt around her. The woman’s entire body, her arms, her off-blue tee, her small jean shorts, and her smooth and thin legs were covered in dirt and mud. She had tears in her eyes and along her pretty face. The four bullies turned to me and glared. I shook a little, but soon identified them as Digletts. I nodded, knowing what to do and reached for my waist. I threw my two Pokeballs into the air and they both exploded with light. The red beams formed two creatures, my Mantyke and my trusty Breloom. Mantyke opened its small mouth and waddled around on the floor, its round bottom and lack of legs made it difficult for it to operate on land. The black eyes and antennae turned to me and looked doubtful. I shrugged. There was no wind either so Mantyke couldn’t glide along using its small wing-like fins.

The first Diglett attacked. It dipped its head underground and disappeared. It then popped up beneath Breloom. However, the mushroom Pokemon acted quickly and used its powerful tail to smash the small mole with the four tough, forest-green spheres that hung on the tip of its tail. The Mach Punch directly hit the small mole as it was forced back into the earth. However, I had not been paying attention to my other Pokemon that the other three had teamed up on. They were shooting small balls of mud from their hidden mouths at my Kite Pokemon. Mantyke was covered in the gross wet dirt and had scratches all over. “Mantyke spin in a circle and use Bubblebeam!” The small water Pokemon twisted its body counterclockwise and then pushed itself clockwise while shooting out a barrage of colorful bubbles. They shot in all directions at the trapping enemy. At such a close range the Digletts didn’t have time to dip their heads underground and were hit directly. They crinkled their eyes and snuffed up their bright red noses as the colorful assortment of bubbles collided with them. Two of them disappeared back into the tiled ground and began their next attack. But the first diglett had returned and began shaking the ground violently as I felt myself losing my balance. Breloom was caught in a crack in the earth, unable to move, while Mantyke guarded itself and luckily managed to avoid the cracks. The entire room was now in ruins as large piles of earth and tile were jutting out of the ground. Breloom desperately attempted to dislodge its foot but to no avail.

The other Digletts had safely hidden deep within the Earth and now reappeared to finish off the battle. I quickly thought of a last minute strategy. “Okay Mantyke! Protect Breloom from the Digletts at all costs! Breloom try to charge up a Solarbeam and don’t hold back! Give it all you got!” MY two Pokemon seemed to understand as Breloom opened his mouth and a yellow light began to appear. Mantyke slid as quickly as possible through the wreckage to defend his partner. The Digletts also seemed to understand the strategy as the all began to rush towards Mantyke, luckily they were on the far side of the room. The formed a horizontal line and pushed through the mess. “Mantyke start with a Water Pulse!” MAntyke released a ball of water towards the center of the increasing Diglett mob. The two center quickly ducked into the ground, dodging it. “****!” I exclaimed. I looked around and saw Breloom was still readying his attack. I bit my lip and shouted another command. “Try a Swift attack, but this time try to spread it out at all the digletts!” Mantyke followed the order and began to fire colorful stars from the tips of its flippers. The stars shot towards the Digletts and when they dipped into the ground the stars sharply followed them underneath the earth. The unsuspecting Digletts yelled in pain as the spread attack landed successful. “Good now when they pop up, use Hydro Pump!” Mantyke waited patiently for the Digletts to reappear. They weren’t though.

****, they’re going to attack Breloom from underground I thought panic ridden. “Mantyke face Breloom!” Breloom’s attack was nearly ready and if I could get the timing right I could win this. The three of us waited anxiously for the Pokemon to appear, impossible for us to know where they were. Three popped up behind me, unacknowledged by myself and my allies. They readied a Mud Shot to be aimed at the top of my neck. I was so caught up in the attack I didn’t even notice. A Diglett appeared and I shouted, “Now!” as an eruption of Water and Light energy was released on the distraction. The Pokemon took an immense amount of damage and lay unconscious. I grabbed for my belt and placed my hand around a Pokeball. I tossed the ball towards the mole as my head was hit with a strong strike. I fell to the ground and started to lose my vision. I could barely make out the Pokeball absorbing the Diglett as a red beam of light and then falling to the ground, shaking once, twice and then the blackout hit.
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Last edited by GreenRampage; 09-15-2009 at 12:17 AM.
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  #2  
Old 09-19-2009, 02:20 PM
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Default Re: Sea Breeze/Marshy's first story in a while

I'll grade this when I get home today :]
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Old 09-19-2009, 04:36 PM
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Default Re: Sea Breeze/Marshy's first story in a while

Introduction:
Wow this was a good story! Lol, just wanted to say that right away. The description that you used in the beginning was incredible; you used all the different senses and were very precise and accurate about the sensations that you would get from being on a beach. I felt like I was really there! Great description like that will really pull a reader in, not only because it makes the story look professional, but because it’s something we don’t see all he time here. The long dream that you moved into from the intro was nice too since it gave us a lot of background information on the character. Lastly, nice job of setting up the plot right off the bat by making the massive wave hit you so early in the story. Your intro did everything an intro should do plus a little more so wonderful job!

Story/Plot:
I don’t think I’ve seen a story about getting lost at the beach yet so great work on originality! You set up the plot right from the beginning, almost everything was explained nicely, and everything made sense so I really don’t have too many gripes about the plot. One thing I would like to ask is why do the Diglett attack? Pokemon are wild animals; so they’re usually afraid of humans at first, I wouldn’t think that four would just barge into a deli and start attacking someone. It’s just one little thing so it’s not really a big deal, overall your plot was really nice! Just in the future try not to leave things unexplained. You don’t want to confuse your reader.

Spelling/Grammer:
This was probably the worst part of your story, which is great since there was almost nothing wrong with your grammar or spelling! There are just a few little things that I wanted to point out to you, they don’t even really matter all that much, I just wanted you to know for future stories.
Quote:
I shook a little, but soon identified them as Digletts.
All Pokemon’s names are like deer. The plural and singular froms are the exact same. So it would be: I shook a little, but soon identified them as Diglett.
Quote:
Your battles
Pokemon should be treated like people when it comes to actions and speech. Whenever Breloom attacks and then Diglett attacks Diglett’s attack should be a new paragraph. It’s just like when two people are speaking, but with attacks. Make sure you do that from now on.

Other than those two things the rest is just little typos, and there are barely any. Those are easy to fix so I’m not even gonna bother pointing them out; just run the story through a spelling/grammar checker and it’ll point out these tiny mistakes. Nice job!

Detail:
Details! I loved your details! Everything was so wonderfully described and you used all five senses, so once again great job! One thing. You describe your setting perfectly but I think you could have elaborated on the characters a little more. All’s I know about the main character’s looks is that he has brown hair and he’s wearing a floral bathing suit. But with or without the extra character info the detail in this story far surpasses the needs of a medium story.

Length:
You needed at least 15,000 and you delivered 17,000. Perfect!

Battle:
Your battles were wonderful, just like the rest of the story! Between your use of the environment, combos, un-conventional moves (who would think to use roost in a story?), perfect length, and amazingly descriptive detail, your battles came out perfectly! I really have nothing else to say here, you really let your creativity and writing skills shine through here!

Outcome:
This story far surpasses the requirements for a simple/medium story. Shroomish and Diglett Captured! I feel bad because I really don’t have any good advice to give you… I expect to see some more really good stories from you Marshy!
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Old 09-19-2009, 05:50 PM
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Default Re: Sea Breeze/Marshy's first story in a while

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sec View Post
Introduction:
Wow this was a good story! Lol, just wanted to say that right away. The description that you used in the beginning was incredible; you used all the different senses and were very precise and accurate about the sensations that you would get from being on a beach. I felt like I was really there! Great description like that will really pull a reader in, not only because it makes the story look professional, but because it’s something we don’t see all he time here. The long dream that you moved into from the intro was nice too since it gave us a lot of background information on the character. Lastly, nice job of setting up the plot right off the bat by making the massive wave hit you so early in the story. Your intro did everything an intro should do plus a little more so wonderful job!

Story/Plot:
I don’t think I’ve seen a story about getting lost at the beach yet so great work on originality! You set up the plot right from the beginning, almost everything was explained nicely, and everything made sense so I really don’t have too many gripes about the plot. One thing I would like to ask is why do the Diglett attack? Pokemon are wild animals; so they’re usually afraid of humans at first, I wouldn’t think that four would just barge into a deli and start attacking someone. It’s just one little thing so it’s not really a big deal, overall your plot was really nice! Just in the future try not to leave things unexplained. You don’t want to confuse your reader.

Spelling/Grammer:
This was probably the worst part of your story, which is great since there was almost nothing wrong with your grammar or spelling! There are just a few little things that I wanted to point out to you, they don’t even really matter all that much, I just wanted you to know for future stories.

All Pokemon’s names are like deer. The plural and singular froms are the exact same. So it would be: I shook a little, but soon identified them as Diglett.

Pokemon should be treated like people when it comes to actions and speech. Whenever Breloom attacks and then Diglett attacks Diglett’s attack should be a new paragraph. It’s just like when two people are speaking, but with attacks. Make sure you do that from now on.

Other than those two things the rest is just little typos, and there are barely any. Those are easy to fix so I’m not even gonna bother pointing them out; just run the story through a spelling/grammar checker and it’ll point out these tiny mistakes. Nice job!

Detail:
Details! I loved your details! Everything was so wonderfully described and you used all five senses, so once again great job! One thing. You describe your setting perfectly but I think you could have elaborated on the characters a little more. All’s I know about the main character’s looks is that he has brown hair and he’s wearing a floral bathing suit. But with or without the extra character info the detail in this story far surpasses the needs of a medium story.

Length:
You needed at least 15,000 and you delivered 17,000. Perfect!

Battle:
Your battles were wonderful, just like the rest of the story! Between your use of the environment, combos, un-conventional moves (who would think to use roost in a story?), perfect length, and amazingly descriptive detail, your battles came out perfectly! I really have nothing else to say here, you really let your creativity and writing skills shine through here!

Outcome:
This story far surpasses the requirements for a simple/medium story. Shroomish and Diglett Captured! I feel bad because I really don’t have any good advice to give you… I expect to see some more really good stories from you Marshy!
Yay! Thank you so much =D I'm happy my story which took me like forever to finish was pleasing to you. I'm gunna have fun with my new Pokemon =D
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