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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 01-03-2010, 02:39 AM
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Default .

I wrote a story omgomgomg. Just a side note; most of the readers will probably not understand the jokes in this and it will seem rather random. Sorry :(
Since most of you readers will not figure out who the characters are on pe2k, I'll list them. Saddam Husnain is Husnain, LS is LS the Door Mat, May is Snow Fairy Sugar, Emma is Emma, Lil' J is The Jr Trainer, Mike is Loyal Arcanine, Pidgeot is Pidgeot79 (Sigma_), Magic Kid is Pichu Boy, Stinky is Stinky, and Jr's sister is Jr's sister.

Slowly I made my way up, toward the top of the hill. I slipped climbing up, for all around me was sand. I was in the desert of Arabia, a desolate land ruled by the evil Magikarp, Saddam Husnain. Husnain’s lands were filled with sand, and the only building in view was his majestic palace, complete with its own pool of sparkling water. As I made it to the top of the hill, I looked around me. Gulping, I realized this would not be easy.

I slid down the hill, and returned to the road. Walking along this road for hours and seeing nothing of notice, I attempted to make it to a town. After seeing one far on the horizon, I was ecstatic. Now running, I covered the ground between myself and the town very quickly and soon the town was completely visible. As I made my way into town, I spotted a small dirty hovel, nearly impossible to discern from the surrounding dust. Hesitantly I walked toward it, trodding over the door mat. Suddenly a loud shout broke the silence.

“HEY! What do you think you’re doing?”

“Who said that?” I said, turning around wildly.

“Down here!”

Glancing down, I saw a dirty little boy where previously sat the door mat. He seemed to be clutching something resembling a guitar, and his pants were bulging at odd places.

‘Er, who are you?” I asked the boy.

“I’m LS the Door Mat; couldn’t you tell by my guitar and hilarious jokes?”

“..Oh, why are your pants so lumpy?” I inquired slowly.

“May put bombs in my pants. I would have stopped her but that’s probably the closest a girl will ever get to me.” He replied happily, a grin forming across his face.

“That’s great kid. Can you tell me how to find Saddam Husnain’s palace?” I said shortly.

“WHAT?! WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO THERE!?” LS exclaimed.

“I need to defeat him for all the free people of Middle Earth,” I said confidently.

“Wrong story bro, but anyway wanna here a cooler story? I was ^@$$4$ing this guy up the @!#!$#!@ right, and his dad walks in, and I’m like ‘What are you gay?’ LOL AMRITE?!?” LS shouted.

“Will you just help me?” I said, trying to keep my temper.

“Sure thing, just follow me,” he said smirking.

We made out of the small dreary house, and continued through the village. Everywhere there were signs of Husnain’s presence. Armed Bidoof were stationed at every alleyway, their beady eyes keeping a constant lookout for usurpers. In retrospect though, this may not have been the best decision regarding henchman, for Bidoofs’ Simple and Unaware abilities meant the kept forgetting why they were there or just stared around blankly. The brown beaver like Pokémon stood on four legs and large buck teeth.

“Don’t let their looks deceive you,” LS murmured. “Their bite is really nasty.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I replied gratefully

Walking through the streets, I could see how houses had boarded up windows, broken doorways, and some even been reduced to rubble. Upon hearing a snarl, I looked in the nearest window that wasn’t blocked and saw a dark figure there. It was cat-like, except much larger. There were yellow bangs on its legs, ears, and tail, and it had crimson eyes. Suddenly it jumped out of the window and landed in front of us.

“What’s that!?” I cried

“Oh, that’s just Emma; she looks dangerous but really is friendly. I don’t think she’s ever actually attacked anyone before.” said LS.

“LS, I can’t believe you would reveal that,” Emma said with a frown. “You’re ruining my image of power. Anyway, I didn’t come here just to talk. I heard you were on a mission to defeat Husnain?”

“How did you know that?” we asked.

“It doesn’t matter, but I know of someone who can help. He lives not far from here and can show you the way to Husnain’s palace,” Emma replied shortly.

“If you say so…” we muttered.

Now with Emma in the lead, we continued down the main street of the nameless village, passing more Bidoof henchmen. The lack of people in the streets was unnerving, but I made no comment about it.

After making it out of the town, Emma began to take us off the road into the heart of the desert. Climbing over dunes tanned orange from the sun; we saw an odd sight on a distant dune. There seemed to be a little round man, completely white and round, rapping.

“Who or what is that?” I asked.

“Oh, that’s just Lil’ J, he’s an M&M and the unofficial g’ of the area.” Emma said lovingly, her eyes flashing.

“I think I’d rather not meet him right now,” I said with uncertainty.

“Suit yourself, but he’s really something,” She crooned.

After that awkward conversation, we resumed the trek toward Emma’s friend. After some time, I saw a haze of blue ahead in the distance. Thinking it must be a mirage, I said nothing. We continued on towards the haze, and upon reaching it, I saw a small hidden oasis.

“Greetings young ones,” said a deep voice with a heavy accent.

“Whoa, a talking tree!” we exclaimed. Emma simply smirked.

“Yes,” it answered. “I am Mike, the Great Flower of the Forest, here to aid you in your quest to defeat the accursed Husnain.”

“You seem more like the Tree of the Desert,” I retorted.

Suddenly a large tan and brown bird with red feathers on its head swooped down and landed on Mike.

“DERP DERP DERP DERP” it cawed.

“Get out of here Pidgeot, you’re not welcome you stupid troll,” Mike said angrily, his branches shaking.

Pidgeot took off, but not without grabbing some delightful fruit from the tree.

“That bird is so ungrateful, all the things I did for him and he never even thought to thank me,” Mike said sadly. “Returning to the matter at hand however, I think your best chance to defeat Husnain is to knock him unconscious first. This can be done with a special little stink bomb I have here, named Stinky.”

Mike reached into a hole in him and took out a small purple skunk-like creature and handed it to me. “Just make sure to slap it before throwing, or else the pungent fumes will not activate.”

“Ok, but where is Husnain’s palace?” I asked, trying to stay calm.

“There’s no need to walk, I’ll give you a ride!”

“No thanks, I don’t want to ride you at all. Can’t you just throw me?”

“I guess that works too,” Mike said with a sad face, similar to this :(. “You can get a ride from me anytime though Emma.”

“Ew, I’m with Lil’ J,” she said defensively.

“How could he do this to me?” Mike said, his tears shimmering at the corners of his eyes. It looked something like this ;_;.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Can you just throw me over there already?”

“Fine fine, pushy,” Mike said grumpily.

Mike picked me up, and with a tremendous effort threw me over the desert. As I flew I noticed a large building coming into view, with pools on top of each spire. Beginning my descent, I saw I was to land in a courtyard just inside the palace gates. Right before I landed, a little tea cup hopped into view shouting “SAVE THE QUEEN, SAVE THE QUEEN!” I landed with a thud, but luckily it was on some of the softer sand. I walked over to the blue and white chipped teacup and asked “Who are you?”

“I’m Magic Kid, royal teacup to the queen of England,” It said with a heavy British accent.

“Well isn’t that an interesting title; hey look a carrot!” I said quickly, trying to distract it. At the word carrot, he began to frantically hop around looking for it.

I made my way passed the overexcited tea cup into the main hall. There were giant pools of water lining the walkway, the columns supporting the roof coming into the water. Glancing around, I saw a young red fish swimming around in the left pool. I walked over and gazed at it, trying to figure out what it was. It was completely red, except for yellow fins and whiskers. It must be a young Magikarp, I thought to myself. Maybe it was Husnain’s little sister!

I found a clear glass tank and put her in it, stowing the tank in my backpack just in case I needed it later. Continuing through the palace, a side door caught my attention. I could hear a steady ‘gloop gloop’ coming from the other side of the door. Flinging it open, I saw a flash of tail as something dove into the small pool in the back of the room. The room was unadorned, just a tile floor covered in water and a mirror on the back wall. Steam rose from the water in the pool. Sitting there on the mosaic tile, was Saddam Husnain. Finally, I had my chance.

“That wasn’t Lil J’s sister you were with, was it?” I asked.

Husnain blushed and screamed, “I’m not telling you anything!” (if Magikarp can even do that)

Preparing to throw Stinky, I reached into my pocket. The little red fish suddenly smacked its tail on the water, and droplets of boiling water cascaded onto my eyes. I yelled in pain, and thought to myself ‘well apparently Splash isn’t completely useless.’ Husnain pressed his advantage, throwing himself onto me in a resemblance of a Tackle attack. As I slammed against the floor, Stinky was hurled from my pocket, sliding across the slick floor.

“No! Stinky!” I cried in dismay.

Husnain seemed to realize the purple skunk was my key to victory, and began flopping vigorously toward it. I realized he was doing his most powerful Flail attack and quickly rose. I dove toward Stinky but, Husnain reached it first and began to cackle. He seemed to be attempting to dishearten me or make me cry (what a jerk). The laughter grew in volume, he began to flop higher and higher, until suddenly he came down awkwardly. His tail flailed out, and smacked Stinky. I hoped Stinky would recognize this as a slap and activate, or else I was done for. I heard the sound of Bidoof coming toward the door, and only the fumes from Stinky could save me now.

If Stinky's fumes activate, it's a capture.

Going for: Husnain (Magikarp)
Characters: 9505
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Originally Posted by Nyurgh View Post
Yeah, but if you switched places with Scarlett Johanssen, and then felt her up, wouldn't you just be playing with yourself?

Last edited by Haze; 01-15-2010 at 07:19 PM.
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  #2  
Old 01-05-2010, 04:48 PM
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EmBreon Offline
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Default Re: .

I laughed.

Story/Plot: This is surprisingly deep for a Magikarp story. :P It had action, humor, drama, and romance! I think the main reason I can appreciate this story is because I relate to all of your characters and I get all of the jokes. However, if someone else had graded this they might have thought it was incredibly random. When writing these kinds of stories, it's a good idea to provide some background information or explanations to build up to your key points so that outsiders can appreciate your jokes as well.

I would have liked to know how Saddam Husnain had gotten to his almighty power, being a fish n' all, but hopefully there will be a sequel? 8)

Overall, this is just grand for a Magikarp, and you've gone above and beyond our requirements. There's little I can say constructively, so just give yourself a pat on the back or flash yourself some gang signs.

Grammar/Spelling: Once again, very well done. (I'm shocked :o) (just kidding) (maybe...). Very few typos, all minor, and some missing words. Nothing worth mentioning. If you haven't proofread this story, then you're very skilled at preventing mistakes while you're writing.

The only thing I feel like putting here is this:

Quote:
I yelled in pain, and thought to myself ‘well apparently Splash isn’t completely useless.’
Thoughts tend to be put in italics rather than 'apostrophes'. Less confusing, and cleaner, and whatever nonsense else. Not a big deal.

Nice job here.

Detail/Description: More nice work here as well. There weren't as many visuals as I would have liked, but you did a grand job explaining what you offered us to see. You don't waste words in your descriptions, which seemed to be fitting for this story.

Quote:
It looked something like this ;_;.
Using smilies as your descriptions is generally frowned upon. :P But I thought it actually worked in this piece, considering the lighthearted humor you've used throughout it. Just don't make a habit of doing it in all of the rest of your five thousand stories that I'm sure you're preparing to write.

Cool.

Length: :OOOO

Battle: Impressive, considering this is Magikarp. Who would've thought Splash wasn't useless! I'm glad you gave us something small and unique, without turning it into a boring beat-up match on the poor carp. I don't really want to go into detail about what you could have done better, as this is Magikarp, and I'm sure you're aware that something more in depth would be required for a higher ranked digimon.

Outcome: I tried to give you some small constructiveness, but really, this is an impeccable story for the small fish. This could have granted you a capture in a higher difficulty. :P

Saddam Husnain captured!

Enjoy the Magikarp. May he grow up to be a strong terrorist.
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Last edited by EmBreon; 01-06-2010 at 05:38 PM.
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  #3  
Old 01-12-2010, 11:54 PM
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Default Re: .

I would like to say this story is very offensive
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