Member List
Calendar
F.A.Q.
Search
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  
 

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 11-16-2009, 05:01 AM
Bumblebee16's Avatar
Bumblebee16 Offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Patroling Cybertron™
Posts: 5,995
Send a message via AIM to Bumblebee16 Send a message via MSN to Bumblebee16 Send a message via Yahoo to Bumblebee16
Default |False Accusation™ |

False Accusation: Part 1


__________________________________________________ _______________

Author's Note: This is a dream I had, minus the Pokemon. Also a gruesome death and other stuff that I can't rememeber... Anyways, I've tried to finish the story for quite some time now, glad I finally got to finish it even though it did not turn out how I envisioned it. Also there will be a second part to this story. This is my first story over 30k and the first story I actually like xD

Also, if you don't get something, or have a question i.e a characters reaction, it more than likely will be revealed in the next chapter of the story once this is graded!
__________________________________________________ _______________

A sad howling sound filled the small cold town of John Adams as the rain had finally stopped pouring down. The poorly made streets were flooded with water. Roads were covered with everything that the brownish water could sweep, such as lawn ornaments, little kids toys, and waste that the rainwater knocked out from garbage cans. It was times like these that it was best to stay indoors and drink a cup of hot chocolate around the fire place. I however, was not that fortunate at this time.

My story begins on a stormy bitter night in a town where everyone knows nearly everything about everyone. My brother Axel and I were carefully making our way through the unpleasantly cold water. My black pants and blue t-shirt were soaked with water. We were at the library getting books for Axel’s night class. We had been in the library all afternoon just waiting out the rain. It had been showering on and off all day long. When it had finally stopped, we then decided that it would be best if we tried to make it home before it started again. Normally we would’ve teleported home with my brother’s Gardevoir, Rayne, but she was really sick back at home and was unable to transport us anywhere at this time.

“As soon as we get home Emit, I want you to take off those wet clothes and put on something dry.” Axel said looking into my light grey eyes. His dark slate grey eyes would shine a little bit whenever the moonlight would hit his eyes. “I’ll have something warm for you to eat when you’re done.”

Axel had just barely turned twenty years old. He has been watching me ever since I can remember. We have been on our own since our adopted parents had died in a plane crash two years ago. Since Axel was eighteen years old when that had happened, he took it upon himself to take care of me, and has done so ever since. He worked two jobs to make sure I had everything I needed. He worked one job on the weekdays and the other job on the weekends only. On top of that all, he was finishing up at the community college he was attending. Though he had a lot on his plate, we still managed to spend a lot of time together.

My legs were hurting bad, but I didn’t complain about it. I never really complained about anything because I knew Axel already had a lot to worry about and I didn’t want add to that with such a minor personal problem. In some mysterious way though, he always knew when something was wrong with me. Then again, we did have a strong connection, so that may have been how he always knew things like that.

“What’s wrong?” Axel asked, moving his brown curly hair, which was similar to mine, away from his eyes. His black t-shirt and blue pants were soaked just like my clothes.

“Nothing I’m fine.” I responded, trying not to make it seem like I was lying and keeping a straight face.

“Here, Aquos can help you.” he grinned, tossing a red and white Pokeball into the water. A water type Pokémon that was a bit taller than me floated in front of me. His yellow floater on his neck helped him stay above water more easily while he was floating on his stomach.

“Thanks.” I said, feeling a little bad about not walking, but my legs were really hurting. I hopped onto the five foot two water weasel as it swam by my brother’s side.

Suddenly, without warning, a large rock like object the size of a golf ball fell from the sky a couple of feet in front of us. Axel stuck out his long arm in front of the Floatzel and waited. Another round shaped object fell from the atmosphere. Then two more fell near us. It had gotten so cold that the rain falling from the sky froze into large ice balls. The hail was also coming down hard.

“Quick, we have to get inside something.” Axel stated as he walked onto the drive way of an abandoned house on the street. I looked at it and shivered. A cold chill went down my back. I could tell that this house was higher than the rest because the water only covered half of the yard.

There is always one house in every town that the general population classifies as haunted, or that something mysterious happened there. This house was one of those places. Like most of those haunted house in the movies, this one was brown, old, and had two stories. Also like in the movies, this house appeared to be darker that the others on the street. The tall grass that could be seen above the water was dead just like the oak tree in the front yard. Some of the rocks in the stone plated path way that led to the house were displaced and sticking out of the ground. The heavy rainfall from earlier must have caused this.

I jumped off Aquos’ back and headed towards the porch. Axel thanked the water type Pokémon and returned him to his Pokeball. I did not get a chance to say thanks to him.

We walked onto the covered entrance of the house. The windows were broken and covered by planks of wood. Axel knocked on the door. We knew that no one was in the house, but he always felt that it was best if we always knocked before entering another house.

I looked at the entrance of the road and saw a white and blue police car. It was parked in the water so it was obvious that it had been there most of the day since no cars could have driven in the flood without damaging the vehicles. There appeared to be no one in the car at the moment. I turned my gaze at the house across the street and saw someone staring at us. I barely caught a glimpse of his face. I was not sure, but I thought I saw a scar on the cheek that was on my right side, that didn’t matter though, because he quickly moved into a bush and out of sight. That really freaked me out, but I was too cold and tired to care.

Axel knocked three times, and then the door opened on its own. Shrugging, Axel took five steps into the house. I followed close behind him. The door behind us closed shut, causing me to shriek loudly.

Axel looked in my direction and motioned with his hands for me to be quiet. The house was surprisingly warm. It was as if someone was living here, or had been here in the past three hours or so. I looked over to the fire place and saw some red coals. Someone had definitely been here.

There were many things in this house that scared me. Some of the more obvious reasons were the front door of the house opening and closing on its own. Another was the fact that someone had been in this house when it was supposed to be abandoned.

“Let’s try and get a fire started so that we can dry off and keep warm.” Axel reached into his pocket and pulled out another Pokeball, tossing it into the air. A grey dog Pokémon popped out of the ref and white sphere. His arrow shaped tail wagged from side to side as he sniffed the air and began barking, trying to warn us of something.

“Shh!” Axel whispered angrily at Shadow. The Houndoom hung his head sadly. “Sorry buddy, we don’t want anyone knowing that we are in this house. Can you light a small fire so that we can warm up and dry off” Axel patted Shadow on the head and knelt beside him. “Shadow, stay here and watch Emit while I go upstairs.”

“No, please don’t leave me.” I pleaded. It’s not that I did not feel safe with Shadow, but I felt more protected with Axel being by my side. This place just creeped me out.

“It’s okay, I’ll only be upstairs for a few moments.” Axel assured to me as he ran his hand through my hair. “I’ll be back faster than you’ll even realize.” With that, he headed up the old creaking stairs.

I looked at Shadow and smiled. He was gathering small planks of wood to burn in the fire place. I thought about releasing my Pokémon to help out, but decided against it. I hadn’t really bonded with Shadow like I have with Axel’s other Pokémon so this was a good chance. “I guess you are not so bad.” I shrugged, as I helped him throw the wood into the hearth. Soon after, we had a small fire going. It wasn’t hard to start one since Shadow was a fire type Pokémon. The trick was to keep the fire going afterwards.

It was already twenty minutes that Axel had been up there with no word. Not even a sound could be heard.

“I’m going to go check on him.” I said to Shadow.

“Hound!” Shadow said sternly shaking his head.

“C’mon, we have to.” I protested. “Don’t you find it weird that he hasn’t come down yet?” Shadow looked at me and then sighed. I knew he didn’t want to disobey Axel, but he too felt that something was wrong and nodded his head.

We both walked up the stairs as quietly as we possibly could. As soon as we reached the top I could see Axel standing at the doorway. He appeared to be frozen in place. His face was filled with fear, as if he had seen a ghost. Shadow rushed to his side. I followed close behind. I saw a knife on the floor and picked it up. Something a shiny liquid was on the knife. I brought it with me to the room Axel was standing at. Axel must have not heard us coming because he didn’t turn or anything. He appeared to be paralyzed for some reason. A loud cry escaped my throat as I saw what was in the room. The sight was so gruesome and unbelievable. I stumbled back and scraped my arm on a piece of wood that was coming off of the door. My blood was coming out and smearing on the wall.

My cry appeared to have snapped Axel out of the trance he was in. He grabbed me and wrapped his hands around me, pressing my face into his chest. He was trying to shield me from seeing what was in front of me.

I closed my eyes, but the image was still there. The red blood was smeared all over the walls on room. The body of a middle aged man was cut up on the floor. His shirt appeared to be torn off and his pants were ripped in several places. His blonde white hair had red stains in it. His chest was slashed open and his right arm was severed. His mouth was cut too look as if he was smiling and his eyes were ripped out of their sockets. That kind of image is one that scars someone for life; it is something you are not likely to ever forget.


Axel picked me up, still covering my eyes, and walked me downstairs.

“I told you not to go up there.” He said angrily. “You shouldn’t have seen that.”

“Who would do such a thing?” I asked as my eyes filled with tears.

“I don’t know, but we have to get out of here.” He said sternly.

“We can’t leave him like that, we have to call the cops.” I acknowledged.

“You are right, just don’t touch… anything.” His eyes filled with fear as he pointed to my left hand. “What is that?”

I looked down at my hand and gasped. I forgot I was holding the knife. The tip was covered with blood. “I…I… I didn’t mean to.” I cried.

“We’ll have to get rid of this and get out of here.” Axel said shaking his head. He whispered something to Shadow and Shadow nodded in agreement.

Then I heard something in the side of the house, it sounded as if someone was climbing the side of the home.

“I think I saw someone go in here!” A voice came from outside the house. Axel quickly got up and carried me to the closet. Shadow followed us into our hideout. We had to wait until they left to escape.

The front door opened up and two police officers in a blue neatly pressed uniform could be seen entering the house, both had their guns out. One of the officers seemed familiar, but I could not remember who he was. He had a scar on his right cheek.

Axel quietly put me down and placed his hand over my mouth and made a zipping motion with his hands that meant for me to keep my mouth shut. I nodded, letting him know that I understood. Axel brought out another Pokeball and held it in his hand.

“Let’s go check up stairs and then leave.” The unfamiliar officer said. “Whoever it was must have left already.

The familiar officer grinned and nodded. They headed upstairs.

“Let’s get out of here.” Axel whispered loudly as we exited out of the closet and headed towards the back door. A loud scream and then a hard thud were heard from above. Axel shoved me hard under the table and tossed the Pokeball he had in his hand into the air. A large purple bat with four wings emerged from the round circular device.

“Stop right there, you’re caught!” A voice said. I knew it was the familiar officer.

“Confuse Ray, and then follow it up with Haze, quickly Fang!” Axel ordered.

Fang’s eyes widened and a beam of blinding light shot out and hit the officer. I could see his legs stumbling back and forth as if he were drunk. A black mist filled the room after. I felt a strong hand grab me and pull me out from under the table.

“Do it Shadow.” I heard Axel call out. Shadow opened his mouth and formed large streams of flames that rapidly made the house catch on fire. It was probably the Haze that caused the house to burn faster.

We were outside, Fang and Shadow following close behind. Axel put me down and we started running. It was hard to run with all the water in the area, but Axel kept pushing me to go faster. It was easy to get through most of the streets, because like the one on Cadaver St. most of the back yard area we were running through was elevated and water was passing right through. We kept on running until we were at our house, not looking back once. Our house was the last green house on Raikers St. It was a one story house with one small blue car in the driveway. We had three trees in the front yard and some plants that made the house look livelier than the rest of the dull brown houses in the street. It was Axel and I that painted our house green so that it would stand out from the others. It also had this tree house in the back that my adopted father, Axel, and I had built five years ago. This was one memory that I was never going to forget.

Once we were inside the safety of our green colored home, I felt a little secure. I knew that this was not going to last long. They would find us easily since this was a small town.

“Grab whatever you can and get ready to leave.” Axel ordered. “Clothes, food, and anything else that is important.”

I knew not to argue with him when he asked me to do something, especially now. I ran to my room. I took a few moments to take a last good look in my room. I did not know when I was going to see my room again so I had to make sure I remembered everything. I had just got a new computer which was sitting on the desk near my laptop. My room was a baby blue color with posters all over the wall. The posters were of different movies that I had seen in the past years. One of the posters being of a robot from the Transformers movie, that was by far my favorite poster and movie.

I grabbed a duffle bag and began throwing my clothes into it. I put enough clothes in it for about a week. I put other belongings and necessities such as my toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, deodorant, cologne, and some extra pair of old shoes into my bag. It was semi-heavy, but I could carry it for a while if we started running again. I could not take it anymore. I sat on my bed and started crying.

“Emit, are you…”Axel started as he saw that I was crying on the bed. He sat next to me and pulled me closer to him. He put his arm around my neck and said nothing as I continued crying.

“I am sorry, this is all my fault.” I said sniffing, wiping my eyes and nose on my shirt. “I didn’t mean too.”

“Whoa whoa, none of this is your fault Emit, you know that right?” He strictly said, trying to assure me. “This is my fault. I am the one that brought us into that house. I should have been more careful.”

“But if I hadn’t touched that knife, we wouldn’t have to be running. “I argued.

“You didn’t know that knife was a murder weapon.” Axel responded, standing up and knelling in front of me. “Besides, they won’t ever find that knife. I won’t ever let anything happen to you.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, sort of confused.

“I got rid of the knife so that nothing could be traced back to you and completely burned half of the bottom floor, so that any marks that you or I left will have disappeared.” He assured me. “It is as if we were never there. Though I am unsure how the house is still standing.”

“But then how will they find the killer of that man?” I questioned.

“They more than likely won’t.” He said sadly. “You are more important to me, so I have to make sure you are safe at whatever costs.”

I felt bad that the evidence that could help find the killer was destroyed, but I didn’t say anything to Axel about it. He was trying hard to cover all this up for us and I did not want to mess that up.

“Are we ever going to come back here?” I asked, hoping that he would say yes.

“Of course we will.” He assured me, his voice sounding positive. “It’s not good for a thirteen year old boy to be running all of his life. We’ll be back before you realize it.”

“Why did you shove me under the table earlier?” I asked curiously.

“I did not want to officer to see you, or even know that you were there.” Axel sighed. “He had already seen me, there was no need for him to see you as well.”

I nodded and was silent. He was always trying to do what was best for me, but this time it was a costly price.

“Let’s go to the kitchen to get something to eat and then we have to leave to Aunt Rachel’s house.” Axel stated. She was not really our Aunt, but she was always checking up on us and making sure we were okay, plus the fact that we’ve known her a long time makes us want to call her that. She doesn’t mind since she has no kids of her own.

“Okay!” I agreed, placing a hand over my stomach as it growled. We walked into the kitchen and a bowl of semi hot soup and hot chocolate was awaiting me. I sat down and began eating. “You’re not going to eat?” I asked, spilling a little soup onto my shirt.

“Not right now, later perhaps.” He sighed as he turned on the television.

Gardevoir had teleported in front of me. She appeared to be doing a lot better. Her fever had gone down a lot and she was almost practically healed. She handed me a black handkerchief.


__________________
|VPP Stats©°|-|URPG Stats®°|-
If you can do a story deal, I can make it worth your time
|"A driver doesn't pick the car, the car picks the driver. It's a mystical bond between man and machine."™°|


Last edited by Bumblebee16; 05-17-2011 at 11:54 AM. Reason: Change of Pokemon
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 11-16-2009, 05:04 AM
Bumblebee16's Avatar
Bumblebee16 Offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Patroling Cybertron™
Posts: 5,995
Send a message via AIM to Bumblebee16 Send a message via MSN to Bumblebee16 Send a message via Yahoo to Bumblebee16
Default Re: |False Accusation™|

False Accusation: Continued

“Thank you!” I smiled. “You’re doing better I see.”

She nodded and went to the cupboards.

“Earlier tonight, a double homicide took place.” The news reporter on the television said. I heard the reporter’s voice get quieter and quieter. I knew Axel turned the volume down. I got up and entered the room.

“The body of Francisco Chavez was found in the abandoned house on Cadaver St.” The reporter continued. “Two police officers arrived at the scene. That is where one of the officers met his demise and the house caught on fire. The whole bottom floor is burn, authorities are not sure how the house is still standing; the crime scene however was intact. Investigators claim that only one piece of evidence was found in the whole area. What that piece of evidence is, is currently unknown at this.”

My mouth dropped open in shock.

“Officer Dave Mathews was attack and killed by a young man in his twenties.” The reporter reported. “The other officer appears to be unharmed and was able to get a description of the young man. The name of this individual will remain anonymous until further investigations can be made.” A picture of Axel flashed on the screen.

“He was not dead when we left!” I shouted. I could not believe this was happening. A picture of both officers flashed on the screen. That’s when I remembered. “I remember now, I saw that officer across the street staring at us as we entered the house.”

Axel looked at me confused. “Why did you not tell me earlier?” he asked.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized. ”I did not think it was important earlier, and then I forgot about it until now.”

“Are you sure?” Axel asked, looking at me into my eyes.

“Positive, that scar on his cheek is what I remember, I could not forget that.” I assured.

“Then that means that he must have killed the officer and the middle aged man, but why?” He asked aloud. A loud siren sound could be heard in the distance.

What I did not get was if they did not want the alleged culprit to run, did they have such loud sirens when they approached the house. If they wanted to catch someone by surprise, they should turn those sirens off. Right now though, I was glad they had those sirens on. It warned us that they were more than likely coming for us.

“Quick, go grab the bags you packed and come back here immediately.” Axel said as he headed to his room to do the same. He already had a bag ready in the kitchen. I ran to my room and grabbed my bags. I hung my head low and closed my door.

I walked back to the kitchen where Axel was already waiting. He had two bags with him.

“Are you ready to go?” He asked, his Gardevoir and Houndoom standing next to him. I nodded sadly as the sirens could be heard outside the house and the red and blue flashing lights lit up the night. “Come over here!”

I walked over to him. He held my hand and closed my eyes.

“Gar-de-VOIR!” I heard Gardevoir chant as I saw through my closed eyelids, a white blinding light. We began moving, and my body felt as light as a feather. It was as if we were traveling at an immensely fast speed.

When we stopped, I opened my light grey eyes and saw that we were at Aunt Rachel’s blue three story brick house, two if you don’t count the attic. Her house was the biggest on the block. It, along with two other houses on the street, was built over one hundred years ago. I could see black ashy smoke coming out of her brown bricked chimney. Her street was one of the lucky ones that did not get flooded.

A barking sound could be heard on the other side of the door. It was more of happy, friendlier barks than a “Be careful, a stranger is at our door” kind of bark that guard Pokémon gives out. It was her Arcanine, Shaggy.

Axel knocked on the light brown wooden door twice and rung the doorbell once. The doorbell was one of those annoying catchy tones. It sounded like “Da da de dum, dum de da!” That sound kept ringing in my head over and over again.

A few seconds later, an elderly whitish blond haired woman with a long purple dress and a fancy purple hat on her head opened the door.

“You’re here… I was so worried about you.” Rachel happily said happily. I was so glad she was helping us; she was like another mother to us. She pushed us inside and quickly shut the wooden door behind her. Axel pulled out a round sphere and returned Gardevoir into her Pokeball.

Shaggy jumped on me happily and began licking me with his enormous tongue. His fuzzy tan mane tickled as it brushed on my neck. I playfully pushed the black striped dog Pokémon off of me. Then Shaggy and Shadow went off into the fire room.

The fire room was a room that Rachel had created for her fire type Pokémon to train and play in without burning down the house. It was just a large circular room made of steel that allowed Shaggy, and Shadow in this situation, to run around and practice shooting targets with his fire attacks. The targets were usually just sandbags that were shot out of a machine. Whenever we came over, Shaggy and Shadow would always head into that room to try and prove who was stronger.

“You both must be hungry!” She said in a sweet voice. I had not smelt it when I came in, but the smell of fresh brownies was in the air. It smelt delightful.

“Actually, I already ate.” I gratefully said, smiling at her.

“Then I guess you don’t want any brownies with hot fudge and ice cream!” She shrugged. A small grin could be seen on her face.

“You know that is my weakness.” I gleamed. I really did like hot fudge brownies with ice cream. It was what my adopted mother would make for me occasionally. For the time being, I had forgotten all that was going on. The two gruesome murders that took place today at that abandoned house. That Axel was a fugitive on the run from the police for a crime that he did not even commit. It had all slipped out of my mind.

I looked back at Axel. He smiled at me and walked up the stairs. Rachel walked me into her large kitchen. The refrigerator she had had double doors, a freezer, an ice and water dispenser, and two drawers like boxes on the bottom. She had a small island in the middle of the room that had a glassy, mini pebbled surface. She opened the over and took out the hot, fresh brownies. She went to the fridge and pulled out some fudge, chocolate and strawberry syrup and some walnuts.

She made me my hot fudge brownie and placed it in front of me.

“Eat it slowly, it’s hot!” She said as she walked upstairs. More than likely it was to talk to Axel about the situation. I really wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to know what Axel was planning and how I could help.

I cut the brownie up and shoved a piece down my throat. I swallowed it, nearly chocking because of how hot is was. I blew on it a bit and ate the rest as quickly as I could. I wanted to enjoy it, but my curiosity got the best of me. I quietly walked up the stairs and pressed my ear against the door to listen in on their conversation.

“I did not kill them!” I heard Axel yell.

“Keep your voice down, he’ll hear you, I believe you, but how can we prove this?” She asked, trying to be as helpful as possible. I could hear a thump on the bed, followed by another thumb. I assumed they were sitting on the bed now.

“I’m not sure, perhaps I’ll have to turn myself in.” Axel sighed sadly.

“Nonsense, that boy needs you, if you really did not commit that crime then we need to find a way to prove that.” She said sternly.

“I know he does, I don’t want him involved in any of this.” He cried. I could hear him crying now. “I don’t see any way out.”

“You might just have to go back to the crime scene to find something the cops did not.” She suggested.

“Th-that could work, but I would have to leave Emit here.” Axel whispered. “He is just a boy and does not deserve to go through any of this.” I was now angry at the fact that Axel thought I was just a kid. He was not going to leave me here. I was going to help him in any way that I could.

“That was going to be what I suggested next.” She stated. “It would be for the best.”

“Okay then, I will leave at night.” He said. “We can’t tell Emit about any of this, okay.”

“Of course not.” She answered. “He would only want to go with you.” I backed away from the door and quietly made my way back downstairs.

He was going to leave without me? He can’t just leave me here. I could most definitely be of assistance to him. The fact that he was leaving and not taking me with him angered me. I could hear them coming down the stairs.

“How’s the hot fudge brownie?” Rachel asked me as she walked into the kitchen, Axel following close behind.

“Fine.” I mumbled. I got up and put my plate away.

“What’s wrong?” Rachel asked, her voice filled with suspicion. I ran passed her and Axel to the outside patio, closing the glass door behind me. I sat out there and looked up into the sky. I could feel myself tearing up.

I heard the glass door open up and soft footsteps approached me from behind.

“They look nice!” Axel said as he pointed at the bright bluish stars in the sky. I nodded and continued looking up, a small tear rolled down my left cheek.

“You heard our conversation right?” Axel asked as he wiped the tear from my cheek. I nodded again.

“You know why I have to leave you here right?” He asked again, his voice sounding a bit sad. I looked down at my green striped running shoes. “I can’t put you at risk and have you involved with any of this.”

“I can take care of myself.” I mumbled.

“I know you can, but I cannot risk that.” He sighed. “I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you because of me.”

“I can help you!” I pleaded. “Whatever you need.”

“You would help me a lot by remaining here, that way I would not have to worry about anything happening to you, do you understand?” He asked as he pulled me closer to him. I once again nodded my head.

“I guess I could stay here for a while, but you have to let me know what is going on at least once a day.” I argued.

“Deal, I’ll do better than that!” He assured. He hugged me and then turned towards the door. “Are you coming inside?”

“Yeah.” I said following him in the large house. As we entered the living room, Rachel stood up.

“Everything alright?” She asked, looking at Axel straight in the eyes.

“It’s perfectly fine; he was just tired and worn out.” Axel responded. “I don’t blame him after everything he’s been through.” Rachel looked at Axel suspiciously and nodded.

“Okay then, you both should get some rest then.” She said, seeming a little pushy. “We have a long day tomorrow.”

“Yesam,” I grumbled, but obediently began to head up the stairs. I had not realized it, but I was extremely tired. All the events that took place today had completely drained me. I glanced back at Aunt Rachel and Axel before reaching the top of the staircase, watching them as they disappeared into the next room.

I walked down the long, narrow, cold hall into the last room with the door painted a lime green color and walked into it. This is the room that I was going to be sleeping in for a while, at least until this mess that we were in got situated and resolved. I hoped to whoever was in the heavens above that it would be over soon and Axel and I could return to our house. I walked into the brightly colored bathroom and washed up. I took a long shower and tried to relax.

After about thirty minutes, I got out of the shower and put on some fresh clothes. I sat in a chair next to a window and looked up at the stars. I just stared blankly into the night black sky. What seemed like minutes actually was hours. I had not realized it, but three hours passed by before I become conscious of what I was doing. I shook it off and moved away from the window.

I was about to go to bed when I decided to see what sort of information they had on us on the news. I grabbed the remote and turned on the thirty-two inch plasma screen TV and lowered the volume so that only I could hear it.

I waited for them to say something about us on the news, but nothing came on. I reached for the remote to turn off the TV when an emergency broadcast popped onto the screen. A lady’s voice could be heard in the background saying:

We have been informed by local authorities that the individual or individuals involved in the abandoned house incident have not been apprehended as of this moment. They are looking for any information on the whereabouts of these suspects. If you have any information in regards to this case please call the hotline at 888 – TIPS or 888 – 8477. They are offering a large reward ranging from ten thousand to fifty thousand dollars for valuable information that will help them put these criminals in custody.

We had to make sure we were not seen by anyone because anybody who saw us was surely going to turn us in for that reward. I had to go find Axel and let him know. I quietly opened the door to my room and walked out. I did not want to wake anyone else so I walked quietly.
__________________
|VPP Stats©°|-|URPG Stats®°|-
If you can do a story deal, I can make it worth your time
|"A driver doesn't pick the car, the car picks the driver. It's a mystical bond between man and machine."™°|


Last edited by Bumblebee16; 01-17-2010 at 11:15 PM. Reason: Change Pokemon
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-16-2009, 05:06 AM
Bumblebee16's Avatar
Bumblebee16 Offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Patroling Cybertron™
Posts: 5,995
Send a message via AIM to Bumblebee16 Send a message via MSN to Bumblebee16 Send a message via Yahoo to Bumblebee16
Default Re: |False Accusation™|

False Accusation: Continued

I heard a soft, faint whimper come from the attic. I decided to go check it out first. I made my way up the stairs silently and opened the surprisingly small door that led to the top story of the house. I looked around. I was shocked by how warm the attic was. It was so cold outside and the attic had many holes that let the cold outside air in. This room should have been cold, but it was warm. I heard some scraping sounds coming from the opposite side of the attic. I cautiously made my way over to where the sound was coming from, unsure of what I would find. As I approached the area from which the sound was emanating from what I saw took my breath away.

I could not believe what I saw. In the corner of the room was Shadow tied up tightly. He was desperately trying to get free. I could see something wrapped around his mouth and rope around his legs. The thing wrapped around his mouth was shining a bright reddish orange color. I could tell it was extremely hot. Shadow was trying to melt it off, but he was not successful. I was not sure what the thing around his mouth was made of, but I knew it was fire proof.

“Hang on, I’ll get that off of your mouth.” I whispered quietly as I reached into my pocket for a round black and blue Pokeball and tossed it into the air. A large purple and black bat emerged from the sphere.

“Gliscor, Gli, Gli!” Shyde cried happily as he raised his claw, saluting like a soldier. I liked the way he always did that.

“Shyde, use Night Slash to break that thing off of Shadow’s mouth.” I commanded. I knew Night Slash would not hurt Shadow since he was a dark Pokémon. The flying scorpion saluted once more and then both of his claws radiated a dark purplish black color.

Shyde hovered over Shadow, examining the band around his mouth as aimed his attack in order not to hit Shadow. The purple dual-typed Pokémon brought his claws down, crossing them in an ‘X’ shape. The band that held the fire type’s mouth shut was finally off. Shadow opened his jaws wide open, showing his sharp teeth. He then bit the rope off of his legs and stood up on all on all fours.

“What happened to you?” I asked curiously. He jumped in front of me and motioned for me to follow him, ignoring my question.

I did not waste any time and followed him out of the room. I had to know what was going on. Shadow jumped down from the top of the stairs to the bottom without making a sound. I moved down the stairs as quickly and quietly as I could to catch up with him. He was at the end of the hall looking down.

“Stay here Shyde.” I told the ground type Pokémon. I walked up behind him and looked down to see what he was looking at. I could hear Aunt Rachel talking quietly on the phone with someone.

Who could she be talking to this late at night? I wondered to myself. I could barely hear what she was saying, but I listened carefully so that I could hear every word.

“I have the suspects you are looking for in my house.” She muttered into the phone. “I will make sure they stay here until you arrive. They can’t leave without their Pokémon.” She gloated as she held up a case that had Axel’s Pokémon. The case looked ancient. It had strange symbols on it and was brightly colored. The Pokémon could not get out for some odd reason.

“They are asleep upstairs.” She assured the person on the line which I assumed was the police. “Will I get what I was promised?” A big grin formed on her face as she nodded.

I could not believe what I was hearing. She was turning us in. Shadow stepped back a little, and then jumped from the second floor onto Rachel. I no longer saw her as a friend, but as an enemy. The large dog Pokémon knocked her down to the ground, causing the case my brother’s Pokémon were in to get knocked out of her hand.

“Shyde, grab that case!” I called out. The flying bat Pokémon swooped down and swiped the case with his dagger tail. I saw Shaggy, come into the room. He looked at Shyde and launched a Fire Blast at him. Shyde quickly tossed the case to me and prepared to take the hit, but Shadow jumped into the air in front of Shyde taking the hit which powered him up because of his Flash Fire ability. He glared at dog with the large mane. He was prepared to take down the Arcanine at all costs necessary.

“Shyde, help him out.” I ordered as I walked to the room where my brother was. Even with racket that was going on downstairs, my brother was still asleep. He must have been really tired. I ran up to the bed he was in and shook him. He moaned a bit, and then quickly woke up.

“What’s up?” He asked, as he examined my facial expressions.

“We have to leave now!” I began to explain. “Rachel called the cops and turned us in for the reward.” Axel looked at me with a confused look on his face.

“What are you talking about; she would never do that,” he argued, “and what reward?”

“Never mind, just come with me.” I demanded as I grabbed his hand and pulled him out of bed and down the hall. He looked down at Rachel. In the distance, a police siren could be heard.

This angry looked that I had never seen before formed on Axel’s face. He grabbed the box from and took out a Pokeball and tossed it to his right side. Rayne appeared besides him.

“Hypnosis!” He muttered to Gardevoir. She nodded and her arms swayed back and forth as her eyes glowed a vivid pink color as Rachel and Shaggy fell to the ground. I looked at them lying motionless on the ground, and then recalled Shyde to his Pokeball. Shadow ran up the stairs and stood besides us as Rayne chanted the same thing the moment we teleported to Rachel’s house. In an instant we were teleported to a park in the west side of town. Except for the soft howling of the wind, the park was quiet. No one was in sight.

Axel sat on the ground and did not say anything. He was thinking about something, but I did not want to ask. Finally, after a long while, he spoke.

“We have to go back to the abandoned house and see if we can find anything that can help us find the murderer.” He whispered softly. He looked at Rayne and she nodded. Rayne chanted something different this time. It sounded sad and mellow. I closed my eyes and waited for the rush to come as we teleported back to the place where it had all started.

When I opened my eyes, we were in the bottom floor of the abandoned house. There were burnt marks all over place. The whole bottom floor was completely burned just like Axel had stated earlier.

“I am going to check upstairs, you stay down here and look around.” Axel strictly said to me. Shadow, Rayne, and him walked up the stairs to look around. I sighed and scanned the room. I did not know what I was looking for, but it had to be something good that was going to help me clear Axel’s name and catch the real killer that is unknown as of now. I headed to the stairs and began to walk up them. Then the old brown wooden step broke and my foot went through the wood and hit the ground. I was lucky that I only scraped my foot and did not break it.

I realized then that there was a small room under the stairs. I decided to go and take a look and see what I could find there. I broke off three of the old wooden stairs so that I could crawl under and see what was beneath the staircase. I did not expect to find anything, but it never hurt to check. I could hardly see anything since very little light was coming in.

I crawled back out and hit my knee on something on the way out. I looked for something that could give me some light in that dark area. I found two flashlights that looked quite expensive. It was long and black and heavy. They lit up pretty well. I crawled back under the staircase and looked around. There was a small ‘O’ shaped hook like nail sticking out of the ground. I did not know what it was, but it looked quite suspicious seeing that it was the only thing under this stairway. I moved closer to it in order to examine the hook. It was obviously what I had hit my knee on when I was getting out earlier seeing that there was no other object here. It looked pretty ordinary. It was a rusted old hook. I turned to crawl back out when some of the dust made me sneeze. I sneezed so hard that I dropped the flashlight. The flashlight made a hollow thump sound. I picked up the flashlight and knocked on the ground. It sounded hard.

Then I knocked on the area where the flashlight fell and that hollow sound is what I heard. I stared at that area for a few seconds then brushed some of the dust off of the hollow area, where I discovered a square. I knew then that this had to be some kind of secret area. I tugged on the nail hard until it finally opened. A musty smell filled the air within seconds of me opening it. After adjusting to the smell, I carefully went down the ladder of the hidden room.

The underground room was bigger than I expected. I looked around and saw a brown old journal and a light switch near the desk. I heard someone coming down the stairs. I hoped that it was Axel because if not then I would definitely be cornered since there was no other exit to this room.

“Emit, are you alright?” He asked as he examined the room. There was not much to look at. There was just a desk and the journal. The room was forty by forty which was pretty big for

“Yeah, I am okay.” I answered.

“How did you find this place?” He curiously said.

“It was by accident actually, my foot went through one of the stairs.” I laughed softly. “This journal is all that I found here so far. Don’t know what’s in it yet though.” He took the book from me and opened it to the first page. The strangest expression came onto his face as he read whatever was on the page. “What is it?” I nervously asked.
“It says here that this book belongs to… John Adams.” He stated in a scared, unsure voice.

“That is the name of this town, does that mean that…?” I could not even finish my sentence.

“Yes, this is the guy that the city is named after.” He responded, finishing my sentence. “This is the guy that was killed. They say that the person who killed him was never found. It also says ‘If you are reading this then I am more than likely dead.’”

“Well read it and let’s see what it says.” I said anxiously. Axel nodded and began to read the journal:
Entry 1: January 5, 1959 – You know how some people say that they can feel when they are about to die? Well that is how I feel right now. I am not sure why or how, but I feel that it is coming soon. I think it has something to do with the material I found in this area. I hope to start a small town here soon so that my house is not the only one here. For now it is just me and my four partners, three which are my trusted Pokemon. We will be entering the cave tomorrow so hopefully all goes well.
__________________
|VPP Stats©°|-|URPG Stats®°|-
If you can do a story deal, I can make it worth your time
|"A driver doesn't pick the car, the car picks the driver. It's a mystical bond between man and machine."™°|


Last edited by Bumblebee16; 01-17-2010 at 11:19 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 11-16-2009, 05:07 AM
Bumblebee16's Avatar
Bumblebee16 Offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Patroling Cybertron™
Posts: 5,995
Send a message via AIM to Bumblebee16 Send a message via MSN to Bumblebee16 Send a message via Yahoo to Bumblebee16
Unhappy Re: |False Accusation™|

False Accusation: Continued

“If three Pokémon is his partners, then who is the fourth one … a person” I asked, “and what was the material that he found I asked impatiently.”

“We’ll see, let me finish reading.” Axel grumbled, flipping the page.

Entry 2: January 6, 1959 – I was definitely right about the material in this area, it is most definitely plentiful. We are now inside the cave and have to go pretty far inside in order to find what we are looking for. Donating this to a museum is most definitely the best choice. Richardson doesn’t think so. He’s been acting pretty strange lately. The way he killed that Stantler was pretty inhumane. He tore out its eyeballs and gutted it up pretty bad. It was quite disgusting, but he has his ways of doing things I guess. Anyways, we’re getting closer to our destination for sure now.“What is the material, and the way he killed the Stantler reminds me of that body we found earlier. It was gross.” I was getting excited from all of this.


“Well if you let me finish.” He grinned as he turned the page.

“Sorry.” I whispered.
Entry 3: January 7, 1959 – We are so close; I can smell it… literally. We have ventured pretty far into the cave now so there is no turning back. The excitement is unbearable. Imagine what we’ll discover once we find this substance. We could get a lot of money from this, but I feel that it is better if we just donate this to the nearby museum. I told this to Richardson, but he quickly got angry and that we were not donating anything to any museum, they were going to have to pay if they wanted out findings. I am beginning to feel uneasy about this; the outcome cannot be in my favor.

Entry 4: January 8, 1959 – We have gone so far in that we are beginning to find what we came here looking for. An Aerodactyl fossil was our first finding. It was located near some diamonds and I am pretty sure that oil is also nearby. I am almost dying of suspense. Also I have noticed that Richardson is really fidgety lately and has not really said anything. He has been pretty quiet. Anyways, by tomorrow we should have arrived at our destination.

Entry 5: January 9, 1959 – I got that strange feeling again today, what made it worse was that when I woke up this morning, Richardson was just staring at me. He asked me if I still wanted to donate what we found and I told him yes. He shook his head and did not say anything else. He was really freaking me out now, but what could I do. We were so far into the cave now; we passed the point of no return a long time ago. I had no choice but to keep going.

I will leave a quote behind: How Right can a person be before they realize that they are Wrong? How far can you look Up to someone before they bring you Down? If there are two paths on the road, one leading Left (wealth) and the other leading Right (knowledge) which one would you pick? The one you picked cannot be one you picked before because you cannot take the same path twice. Then you realize that sometimes were you started is where you should have been all along. You only get One Try in life, make it count.

Entry 6: January 10, 1959 – We have found the area where there are more plentiful. Fossils, Diamonds, and oil. They would surely make a man rich instantly, which was now my problem. Today the feeling I had been experiencing were at an all time high. The time had finally come. Richardson tried to kill me earlier. I saw him slip something into my drink. At first I thought I was paranoid, but then after he stabbed me in my left arm I knew what his intentions where. He had actually tried to stab me in the heart, and he would have succeeded had I not moved to the side on time. I was extremely lucky, for the time being. His first attempt surely would not be his last. I kicked him in the middle of his face, knocking him out, but I did not know for how long. I was hoping that it was just enough for me to get away.

Entry 7: January 11, 1959 – I am still on the run, not too sure how much longer until I got out of this cave. My wound would surely be getting infected by now. I had stopped the bleeding, but there was no way of closing the wound. I just had to keep going, I should be out of this cave by tomorrow.

Entry 8: January 12, 1959 – I fear that this is my last entry. I am so tired now; I have not slept in two and a half days and have just been running. I am now out of the cave and in the safety of my own home, but just how safe was it? I knew it was a matter of time before Richardson found me. I did not have a phone nor did I have a Pokémon that would reach the authorities on time. I had to hide in the secret room I built. It is located directly under the stair case, but of course if you are reading this then you already know. There is no way to get into the room through the house without messing up the stairs so I had to go in it the hard way. There is a well in the back, after going down it, you must tap on the brick with a ‘JA’. That will lead you two one off two rooms. To get to the other room you will need to find the stick in the wall and break the code. I hear someone coming into the house now. To find the truth, find the ball with holds the Pokémon that contains the data. Whoever finds the Pokémon can battle it and capture it if they choose, but first they must get past the two guardians that protect the Pokémon that holds the truth of what happened on this very day.

Everything is getting harder and harder to see. I am so weak. Prevail to the secret room, the one that shows my doom. Poetry, riddles and rhyming were always one of my…


“It ends with the long streak leading off the page.” Axel sighed. “There is another room, but we need some sort of code.

“I don’t get it though.” I asked anxiously. “Where is the code?”

“Well first let’s find the stick in the wall, and then we’ll worry about the code.” Axel assured. We both examined the room, but it was empty. The brown walls were a bit dusty, but not dirty enough to cover up something on a wall, no matter how small it was. There was only one place left to check, behind the desk. I ran over to the desk and attempted to move it. The desk was real wood, and the heavy kind.

Axel took out three Pokeballs, one of the Pokeballs being one that I had not seen all night. He tossed them into the air and three white lights flashed before my eyes as three big figures formed from the light. It was Rayne, Aquos, and Chompers. The half dragon, half ground type Pokemon was standing tall like he usually did. He was the strongest of Axel’s Pokémon.

The water weasel pumped his arms in effort to show off his muscles.

“I need you three to move that desk out of the way without damaging it.” He said strictly, looking at Chompers who liked to destroy things. Sighing, the hammerhead looking Pokémon nodded, along with Aquos and Rayne. Rayne’s eyes shimmered colorfully as she tried to use her psychic powers to lift the desk. If she had not been teleporting us all night, she might have been able to do it all by herself, but for now, she needed help.

Chompers went on the right side while Aquos went on the left. They, along with Rayne were able to lift the desk and move it away from the wall. As we suspected, a small lever stuck out of the wall. Now the problem was how exactly do we open the secret door? Around the lever was a carved out maze that had four exits, one of them was the right one.

“How are we supposed to know which one is the right path?” I asked. I was really confused.

“That’s it… you got it, the right path!” Axel exclaimed, picking up the journal. I did not know what he was talking about, but he continued talking. “In the journal John says:

I will leave my favorite quote behind: How Right can a person be before they realize that they are Wrong? How far can you look Up to someone before you realize that they are trying to bring you Down? If there are two paths on the road, one leading Left (wealth) and the other leading Right (knowledge) which one would you pick? The one you picked cannot be one you picked before because you cannot take the same path twice. Then you realize that sometimes were you started is where you should have been all along. You only get One Try in life, make it count.

“That is the clue, the code; he left it in the journal!” Axel cried happily. He walked up to the handle, placing his hand on it as he read the book.

“How right can a person be before they realize that they are wrong?” He read. He was about to move his hand when it hit me.

“WAIT!” I shouted, nearly causing him to drop the book.

“What is it?” He grumbled.

“What if going right is wrong?” I asked. Axel looked back down and the book, then looked at me, then back down at the book. He looked back up and smiled.

“I think you’re right!” He said thankfully as he continued reading. Then another thought came to me.

“But what if he expected us to think that and right is actually right?” I asked again. The smile from his face disappeared as he removed his hand from the lever.

“Let’s just go right.” He sighed. I could tell that he was desperately hoping that going right was the correct way to go. He placed his hand back on the bar and moved it right. A clanking sound was heard as the lever reached the end of the path.

“Okay, it says next ‘How far can you look Up to someone before you realize that they are trying to bring you Down?’ “Axel recited, trying to read between the lines. He moved the lever up and the clanking sound was head again. Then he moved it all the way down and another clanking sound was heard.

I hoped that he was right. “What’s next?” I nervously asked.

“Umm…” Axel mumbled as he read the next line. “If there are two paths on the road, one leading Left (wealth) and the other leading Right (knowledge) which one would you pick? The one you picked cannot be one you picked before because you cannot take the same path twice.” He looked at the lever. Although I had not noticed it before, there were two paths to take, left or right.

“We already went that way,” I explained pointing to the left, “So right is the way we go.” Axel looked at me and shook his head in disagreement.

“I think that is what he wants you to think.” He countered. “I think that left is the way to go. Remember that we already took the right path. We have to go left now.” He moved the lever left and heard a clanking sound. He was about to read the rest of it when a really loud bang followed by several clicking and clanking sounds.

The wall began to split open. A rush of air came blowing into the room, nearly knocking us off our feet.

Axel whistled loudly. The sound echoed through the long hallway. I heard a soft thump behind us. I turned to see Shadow, he was pointing with his tail upstairs, letting us know that he had found something.

“We found something as well buddy!” Axel said as he praised Shadow. “Let’s go down this hall.” He grabbed the flashlight from my hand and went in front of me. There was another hallway with a door at the end. The door seemed pretty fragile since it was always getting wet under this well. He carefully opened the door. He flipped the light switch which revealed a room similar in size to the other hidden room. This room however, had moss and fungus growing on the floor. There was a computer in the back of the room with an old fashion computer with a Luxury Ball. The black and red bejeweled Pokeball was covered in dust and some mold. Two mysterious black orbs appeared to be floating in the top right and top left corners of the room, but for the time being, I ignored them. I walked over and picked up the Luxury Ball and examined it.

“Go ahead, toss it.” Axel said, assuring me that it was okay. I nodded and pressed the center of the Pokeball. The ball opened and a white light came out. Emerging from the Pokeball was a small purple ghost Pokémon. It yawned and appeared to be startled by our appearance. It looked around the room, its dark blue and red color turning a pale color. Its body radiated a sky blue color and making this weird mechanical sound. It sounded as if it was processing something in its mind. After a few moments, a loud voice could be heard in my head. I looked over to Axel. He just shrugged at me.

“You will do battle with two others before you will do battle with me, only then will you find the truth.” The voice in my head said aloud.

“Go ahead, this is for you.” Axel nodded, handing me a green and blue Pokeballs. I smiled and took it from his hands. I pulled out my own Pokeball and tossed it into the air, sending out my Pokémon. As I did that, the two floating orbs began two shake, slowly levitating to the ground. Once the orbs were a foot off the ground, they opened simultaneously. A black and white beam shot out of the orb, Two Pokémon that I could recognize stood before me. One was a Snorunt. It looked like the first Pokémon that came out of the Pokeball, but this one looked like it had a blanket over it. The next Pokémon that came out of the orb was a Snover. This one looked like a miniature pine tree covered in snow.

“Let me take care of them, you will battle with the Gastly.” Axel said, referring to the Snover and Snorunt.

“Alright.” I said, nodding in agreement.

Axel and Shadow both moved forward. He pulled out another Pokeball and sent out another Pokémon that I had not seen before, nor did I know he had it.

“Drapp!” The bug looking scorpion cried. It extended its claw-like-hands and roared again. The purple Pokémon moved to Shadows side. The black fire dog closed its eyes and breathed slowly. The Drapion moved in front of it.

“Good Dagger,” Axel called out, “Protect Shadow while he uses Nasty Plot, use Cross Poison on the Snover.”

The poison Pokémon shot forward, its claws began glowing a purple color as some violet ooze came out of its claws. Dagger slashed them down on the Snover. The Snover flew back into the wall, smashing hard. It did not get up.

The Snorunt sucked in and let out a cold Icy Wind attack. Little particles of ice mixed with the cold air and hit Dagger. The Dark type Pokemon struggled to move, It was now moving very slowly. The Snorunt chuckled and charged forward and Head butted Dagger hard in the stomach. Drapion gasped for air as it tried strike back.

The frost tree Pokémon was now back up and ran forward towards Drapion, his arm arched back and glowing a bright green color. He swung his arm forward and slammed it into the Ogre Pokémon. Drapion shrieked and skidded back. Then he closed his eyes and his body began glowing an array of colors and he calmed himself down. He was using Acupressure. Drapion opened his eyes and roared loudly as the white glow began to disappear. The scorpion Pokémon seemed to be stronger now as if its defenses rose.

Drapion ran towards the two Pokémon in a crab walk manner. He was now faster as well. He had both of his claws raised and slashed them down hard on the Snover. The X-Scissor attack threw the Snover back into the wall and it squealed in pain. The Snorunt launched itself as a projectile towards Drapion, her fangs were frozen. She bit down hard on Drapion’s shoulder causing him to roar in agony. He slammed his claw down hard on the Snorunt, forcing it to let go.

It seemed as if this battle was never going to end. The Snover once again got up and ran over to his partner’s side. Together, they both did a small dance and small ice particles could be seen forming around them. I was amazed, yet worried at the same time. This was going to be a strong attack, especially since they are doing it together. The ice particles began to spin faster and faster before they all flew towards the Drapion, freezing him in place. They both rammed into Drapion, causing some of the ice to come off of his body.

“Alright, Flamethrower Shadow!” Axel called out. Shadow was fully powered up using his Nasty Plot. He took in a deep breath and began forming flames in his mouth. When he blew out, a huge stream of flames came out and engulfed the Snover and Snorunt. The tried to remain standing, but fell over in an instant. Axel tossed two green and blue Pokeballs into the air, hitting them both on the head and sucked them in. The Pokeballs shook several times before coming remaining motionless on the ground.


“Our turn!” I called out to Shyde. As I said that, the Gastly moved forward.

The large scorpion bat hovered above the ground, saluting at me like he always did.

“Shyde, we need to win this battle so that we don’t have to run anymore.” I did not waste any time, and began the battle. “Use Quick Attack with Night Slash!” The purple scorpion dashed off towards the tree shaped Pokémon in an extremely fast manner. Striking the Gastly before it even knew what happened. We caught it off guard which was to our advantage. The Ghost type Pokémon flew back and through the wall.

It went back through the wall and eyed Shyde for his next room.

Gastly opened its mouth and launched out a colorful wave of beams. They moved at an amazingly fast speed. The array of colors melded together beautifully as headed towards Shyde.

Shyde tried to dodge it, but this attack was too fast to hit. It struck the flying ground type Pokémon in the chest, causing him to lose his breath.

Shyde growled angrily at the Gastly menace. The Ghost Pokémons attack confused Shyde. The purple dual type Pokémon looked around the room, trying to locate the Gastly.

Gastly opened its mouth again and launched out a second colorful wave of beam. They did not move at fast pace as it did earlier.

“Shyde, snap out of it, follow the temperature change,” I called out. Shyde nodded, his claws turning a dark purple color. He began slashing them all over the place. The Gastly easily evaded them. The ghost Pokémon moved to Shyde’s left side and opened its mouth again.

“He is at your left, attack to your left!” I shouted.

The Gliscor began slashing hard to his left hitting the Gastly multiple times. The Gastly sunk to the floor. I thought it had fainted, but unfortunately it was not going to be that easy. The gas ball Pokémon rose from the ground and stood before the confused flying scorpion. Bits of dark matter began to form in front of the Gastly and Shyde. It took the shape of a sphere and was growing larger and larger.

“Get out of the way!” I shouted at Shyde, hoping he would avoid the attack. Shyde was hesitant on which was to go since it was confused and could not see well. Instead, he began once again slashing out again at the Gastly, in attempt to stop it from using its attack. It slashed at the Ghastly several times and the Ghastly was knocked out. Surprisingly, instead of sinking through the floor, it remained above.

I enlarged the Pokeball and threw it at the Gastly, hitting it precisely in the middle of its small gas body. The Ghost Pokémon was sucked into the sphere and fell on the floor. It shook several times. The suspense was eating me as I anxiously watched the blue and green Pokeball that Axel had gave me.


I could tell that he too was impatiently waiting to see the outcome of the match. Then a clicking sound was heard and the orb that contained the ghost Pokémon was lying restlessly on the floor.

I heard a clapping sound coming from behind Axel and me. I turned slowly to see a man that had a scar on his left cheek.

Then it hit me. This was the guy that I had caught a glimpse of across the street when we first entered the house.

Last edited by Bumblebee16; 01-17-2010 at 11:25 PM. Reason: Change of Pokemon
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 11-16-2009, 05:16 AM
Bumblebee16's Avatar
Bumblebee16 Offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Patroling Cybertron™
Posts: 5,995
Send a message via AIM to Bumblebee16 Send a message via MSN to Bumblebee16 Send a message via Yahoo to Bumblebee16
Default Re: |False Accusation™|

False Accusation: Continued

“Bravo!” He said, continuing to clap his hands together. “My boss will be most proud that I have finally found the whereabouts to information dealing with the death of John Adams and the discovery of a new mining spot. It was a shame that you could not trust Rachel. She is just a pawn to our boss. He was forcing her to turn on you so that you could leave and end back here. He was expecting someone to find the body at the house to take the blame for the murder, and then you two showed up. She begged for us not to kill you both, so we told her that she had to find a way for you two to come back here. Honestly she did better than I thought she would.” He continued walking forward. Shyde snuck behind him and stuck his dagger into his right arm, injecting him with paralyzing poison.

“You all… will… perish!” He said with the little energy he had left, dropping a small spherical bomb on the ground.

“Here catch!” Axel shouted as he tossed me Rayne’s Pokeball. “There is something that I need to take care of!” Axel ran towards the bomb, grabbed it, and ran out of the room, shutting the door behind him. I began to run after him, but Rayne came out of her Pokeball and held me back. I desperately tried to break free, but she held me tight, making sure that I did not escape. Rayne placed her hand on my shoulder and chanted a depressing chant that teleported me away from that place. Then the worse sound I could ever hear filled the air.


A large explosion shook the ground.

“NOOOO!” I yelled, sinking to me knees. It was all just a blur to me right now. Everything happened so fast.

I could not believe that Axel was gone. I was all alone now with no one to watch out for me. I did not know what I was going to do. One thing was for sure though; I was going to finish solving this case until the truth is unraveled.

I sat outside of the church, crying on one of the steps. Morning was near, and authorities were surely going to be on the lookout for us. Some way or another, I had to find someone to help me stay undercover. There was no one that I could trust. Rachel was the closest thing to family I had, but she betrayed us. I hated her for that. I decided that I was going to stay here in the church for a while. My brother and I knew the priest pretty well so I was hoping that staying here for a while would be acceptable by him. If not, the cold and still wet street is where I would be sleeping tonight.

I looked out in the distance and saw the smoke rising from the explosion.

“I will clear your name.” I mumbled, wiping a tear from my left cheek.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pokemon Attempted: Ghastly, Snover, and Snorunt

40 to 70k Character Range

Character Count (Without Spaces): 47,803

Character Count (With Spaces): 59,603

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
__________________
|VPP Stats©°|-|URPG Stats®°|-
If you can do a story deal, I can make it worth your time
|"A driver doesn't pick the car, the car picks the driver. It's a mystical bond between man and machine."™°|


Last edited by Bumblebee16; 01-17-2010 at 11:26 PM. Reason: Change of Pokemon
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-06-2009, 02:25 AM
Phantom Kat's Avatar
Phantom Kat Offline
ˇCon ganas!
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: In my strretchy pants
Posts: 5,018
Send a message via AIM to Phantom Kat Send a message via MSN to Phantom Kat
Default Re: |False Accusation™ Ready For Grading|

Okay, I haven't graded anything in a long time now, so let's hope I'm not rusty. :P

Plot: The plot was interesting, but at the same time, it was confusing. There were many things that left me confuse. One instance was when the body was discovered. Why did Axel wait so long in the doorway of John’s bedroom? Didn’t he scream in shock or make some kind of noise? Why didn’t Axel carry Emit out of the house the second he saw the body instead of just standing there? Also, just because Emit grabbed the bloodied knife doesn’t mean that he would automatically be accused of murder; some of the murderer’s fingerprints might not have been wiped off. Then you can also take into account that the murderer left some kind of DNA evidence behind, especially with such a messy murder; maybe John’s fingernails could have the DNA of the murderer if he struggled and scratched (this rant is the product of watching too much CSI).

Something else that really bothered me was Rachel’s betrayal. From what Emit said, it seems that Rachel loved the children very much, treated them as their own by letting them call her “Aunt”. To turn them in just for the reward money, no matter what amount it was, seems too unbelievable. If it was some random stranger or neighbor, you could pull it off, but not someone who was practically the only family they had left.

Overall, the plot was alright but too unbelievable in places: How could they run out from the murder scene if the streets were flooded so much? Why was the bottom floor still there if the news said that little of the house was left intact? Why would Axel take the bomb and run off when Rayne could have teleported them away (and why did the scarred man go with Emit if he was out to kill them)? Too many things didn’t make sense, making for a weird read.

Intro: You never really said why Axel and Emit were trudging in such terrible weather to begin with. Other than that, the starting paragraph was a good hook to keep me reading, and you described both brothers well enough, as well as the scenery.

Grammar/Spelling: It was okay but definitely not polished enough that I could ignore the mistakes. You had missing or weirdly-placed words here and there, along with forgotten quotation marks. Your main problems is dialogue.

Quote:
“As soon as we get home Emit, I want you to take off those wet clothes and put on something dry.” Axel said looking into my light grey eyes.
Since what follows after the dialogue still pertains to it, the period must be a comma. Other instances of this is if you write, “He cried/yelled/barked/ordered/screamed, etc.” This is an instance of when you use a period:

“Really, I’m fine.” The boy left the room without another word.

Instance of when to use a comma:

“Really, I’m fine,” the boy insisted before he left the room.

Your other dialogue problem was this:

Quote:
“Why did you not tell me earlier?” He asked.
The “H” is supposed to be under cased because “he asked” pertains to the dialogue. Example:

“I hate you!” the girl screamed at her mother.

For your other mistakes, you need to read through your story more carefully. What I found that helps is to proofread the story after you haven’t read it in a while. You’ll be less familiar with what you wrote, and thus, will have to read more carefully in order to understand the story.

Length: No problems here.

Description: Your description was okay, but sometimes you lacked description, and sometimes the description you had was oddly placed or written. For example, Emit must have seen the bloodied corpse for just a second or two, and yet he can clearly remember all of the injuries and details, such as the blonde hair? The same thing happened when Emit caught sight of the man outside; he “barely caught a glimpse” but saw he had a scar under his right eye?

Then there were times where Emit is running for his life or in utter panic, but he still manages to describe what’s around in great detail, like his house and his bedroom. When you’re writing in first person, you have to remember that you’re limiting yourself to what the main character can, or has the time to, see/remember. Maybe third person POV would better be suited for your writing style.

Other times, your description lacked. Many of the Pokémon and their attacks were poorly described, and I had to guess to what some surroundings looked like (I.e the interior of both houses). While there are things that are not very important, you have give a clear picture of what and who’s around your characters so that the reader can imagine the story as a whole, not in bits and pieces.

Also, this is not adequate description:

Quote:
His mouth was cut similar to that of the Joker in Batman
If I hadn’t seen the “Dark Knight”, I would have no idea what you’re talking about. If you want to tell how his mouth was cut up, describe it rather than telling someone who has it that way. It would be like me saying, “Davis had his hair like Sora from Kingdom Hearts, but his clothes looked more similar to that of Riku’s.” It’s a lazy and unprofessional way to describe.

Something else less important I wanted to point out that using the word “like” to describe something is confusing. If you say “dog-like”, it makes me wonder, “So it looks like a dog, but it’s not?” Instead of using “like”, you can say that Houndoom, for example, was a dog and then describe the features that sets it apart from other dogs, like its horns and its forked tail. Remember, most animals are based off Pokémon, so saying that a Pokémon was a fish or fox wouldn’t be incorrect.

Battle: It was very disappointing. Snover did not even attack once before it was knocked out by one attack. Snorunt put in a little more of a fight with two attacks but was knocked out by a Flamethrower. Just because both of them are up against two fully-evolved and powerful Pokémon, it doesn’t mean they can’t put up a better fight. Pokémon can dodge, hide, attack, and defend themselves with attacks and what’s around them; Snover and Snorunt are no different.

Gastly’s (Gastly, not Ghastly) battle was better but still poor. It launched two Psybeams before it was taken down by Shyde. Like Snover and Snorunt, Gastly can put up a fight with its wide array of moves and its ability to go through solid objects.

Outcome: The plot was okay, but it suffered from inconsistencies. Your grammar and description were better but still not up to par Finally, the battle at the end was short, bland, and unfair. I’m sorry, but I’m going to say: Only one Pokémon captured! If you want the other two:

+ Fix the plot so that things are more believable and consistent.
+ Greatly improve the battle so that all Pokémon have a good and fair fight. (Tip: Use many different moves from each side; avoid repetition). This also means to add plenty of description.

Whenever you’re ready, PM me for re-grade. ^^

- Kat
__________________

(Banner by the epic Neo Pikachu) TAC Challenge: I'm learning Finnish! ^-^

My Author Profile | URPG Stats | Kat x Bryce
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 01-17-2010, 08:57 AM
Bumblebee16's Avatar
Bumblebee16 Offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Patroling Cybertron™
Posts: 5,995
Send a message via AIM to Bumblebee16 Send a message via MSN to Bumblebee16 Send a message via Yahoo to Bumblebee16
Default Re: |False Accusation™ Ready For Grading|

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ready for Regrade

Pokemon Attempted: Ghastly (Captured), Snover, and Snorunt

40 to 70k Character Range

Character Count (Without Spaces): 50,812

Character Count (With Spaces): 63,368

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
__________________
|VPP Stats©°|-|URPG Stats®°|-
If you can do a story deal, I can make it worth your time
|"A driver doesn't pick the car, the car picks the driver. It's a mystical bond between man and machine."™°|


Last edited by Bumblebee16; 01-17-2010 at 11:07 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 01-20-2010, 12:59 AM
Phantom Kat's Avatar
Phantom Kat Offline
ˇCon ganas!
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: In my strretchy pants
Posts: 5,018
Send a message via AIM to Phantom Kat Send a message via MSN to Phantom Kat
Default Re: |False Accusation™ Ready For Grading|

Wow, much better, especially with the small details such as Rachel's betrayal, the elevated backyards, and the description. Those little details can truly add realism to the story. Also, the battles were improved, and I was glad to see Snorunt and Snover put up more of a fight. Remember to make your battles as even as possible from now on. It truly does make the ending of your story that much better. ^^

Snorunt and Snover captured!

- Kat
__________________

(Banner by the epic Neo Pikachu) TAC Challenge: I'm learning Finnish! ^-^

My Author Profile | URPG Stats | Kat x Bryce
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 01-20-2010, 05:14 AM
Bumblebee16's Avatar
Bumblebee16 Offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Patroling Cybertron™
Posts: 5,995
Send a message via AIM to Bumblebee16 Send a message via MSN to Bumblebee16 Send a message via Yahoo to Bumblebee16
Default Re: |False Accusation™ Ready For Grading|

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phantom Kat View Post
Wow, much better, especially with the small details such as Rachel's betrayal, the elevated backyards, and the description. Those little details can truly add realism to the story. Also, the battles were improved, and I was glad to see Snorunt and Snover put up more of a fight. Remember to make your battles as even as possible from now on. It truly does make the ending of your story that much better. ^^

Snorunt and Snover captured!

- Kat
Sweet! Thanks for taking the time to grade/regrade this :] - going to start working on the next part of the story now
__________________
|VPP Stats©°|-|URPG Stats®°|-
If you can do a story deal, I can make it worth your time
|"A driver doesn't pick the car, the car picks the driver. It's a mystical bond between man and machine."™°|

Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:35 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: AlienSector.com