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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #316  
Old 01-16-2010, 06:56 PM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graceful_Suicune View Post


Okay, I'll pretend I know what that means. Dx ..."Totally Lame; Dreadful Rubbish"? xDD

Uhh...thanks? xD ARE YOU SPEAKING ENGLISH TODAY, POKOL?!?! >:L I don't know what rare form is. Dx Is that bad?

Thanks for reading anyway!

~GS.
TL;DR means Too Long; Didn't Read.

So, yeah. Keep it up.
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  #317  
Old 01-18-2010, 06:05 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
Apparently, you're good. xD That means you were doing excellent; really great. Rare. C:

I should read more, but I'm a little stuck without the net.

Might I ask for an email of a word document? If that's alright with you, of course.
Oh, geez. Dx I really needa check up on expressions. xD Thanks for letting me know what it meant.

Doesn't matter. ^^ I really don't mind--I'm glad you were able to read any at all! And sorry, but I'm kinda touchy about that and I'd prefer if that didn't happen. ^^; What you could do is though, when you do have the net, copy and paste the posts into a Word doc of your own and you'll have it there instead. :D Hope don't mind doing that. Else, just don't worry about reading. :) Please don't feel obliged or anything, Gem!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pokol DaErran View Post
TL;DR means Too Long; Didn't Read.

So, yeah. Keep it up.
xD Thanks for clarifying. :3 Sorry to be stupid and not know. xD Thank you, Pokol. ^^ *gives cookie* :D

~GS.
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  #318  
Old 01-28-2010, 04:39 PM
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Smile Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

Wo0t YAY!! You wrote another chapter I am sooooooooooo happy, and this is a gr8 chapter

PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #319  
Old 01-29-2010, 11:20 PM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

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Originally Posted by shadow_absol View Post
Wo0t YAY!! You wrote another chapter I am sooooooooooo happy, and this is a gr8 chapter

PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!
:D I'm so happy that you're so happy! xD Thank you very much. ^v^

8D *brings out streamers and cake*

Speaking of a new chapter, I haven't really been working on the new one... :x But I will soon. ^^ :D And hopefully get it completed 'cause I can't wait to write the one after that!

~GS.
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  #320  
Old 02-05-2010, 01:12 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

Hey, I'M BAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!! But just on fan-fic. I have an idea for a story. Gonna read that chapter.
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  #321  
Old 02-05-2010, 06:03 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

Quote:
Originally Posted by riolu42 View Post
Hey, I'M BAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!! But just on fan-fic. I have an idea for a story. Gonna read that chapter.
xDD WELCOME BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! !!!! <3 Okay. ;3 That's really good! I hope you get really into it. ^^ 8D And you know I'll love ya for it (reading the chapter). xD Hope ya like it! 8D

~GS.
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  #322  
Old 02-06-2010, 12:30 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

Read it yesterday. It's great, as usual!

Actually, I had a dream that Dusty and Zhol got to the Usster colony, and Dusty started getting leeches that had seemed harmless, and a fly had a crush on the Flareon.

I really hoped they would reach it soon, but then I remembered that plot twist.

"A Wet Quest".... hmm..... seems to me like it's going to involve water.

Good luck on that next chapter!
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  #323  
Old 02-06-2010, 09:39 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

Quote:
Originally Posted by riolu42 View Post
Read it yesterday. It's great, as usual!

Actually, I had a dream that Dusty and Zhol got to the Usster colony, and Dusty started getting leeches that had seemed harmless, and a fly had a crush on the Flareon.

I really hoped they would reach it soon, but then I remembered that plot twist.

"A Wet Quest".... hmm..... seems to me like it's going to involve water.

Good luck on that next chapter!
Oh, thank you! ^v^ Glad you enjoyed it! 8D

xDDD That's so good! xD A FLY?! Oh wow, that's hilarious! xD You must have awesome dreams!

Yeah, haha, can't be that easy! You can actually thank Scy for this chapter--all those side quests I loved so much in TPoD inspired me. xD

Hehe. >:D

Thank you! :D I'll keep working on it. ^v^

~GS.
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  #324  
Old 02-12-2010, 08:57 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

*IS FINALLY ON THE NET*

I shalt do that, Xanthe. I'll copy and paste it ASAP. And I will read it because it's a good story. You should be proud. c:
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  #325  
Old 02-13-2010, 10:32 PM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
*IS FINALLY ON THE NET*

I shalt do that, Xanthe. I'll copy and paste it ASAP. And I will read it because it's a good story. You should be proud. c:
xDD Better late than never!

Okay. :3 Why thank you. ^v^ Proud that it's a good story? Why...? O: *tilts head* Or do you mean proud because you're reading it? Oh, lol. :3

~GS.

EDIT: LOL, finished chapter 14's picture today...

Here.

Have no idea when the next chapter will be up... ^^; Sorry, guys. <:3
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Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 02-28-2010 at 11:48 AM.
  #326  
Old 04-07-2010, 02:32 PM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

Chapter Fifteen: A Wet Quest (Oh, Dam!)

The present:
I basically had no choice but to accept the offer. I could say no, but until I knew the power of this colony I didn’t want to risk doing anything stupid. But at the same time...these pokémon were often known to humans, from what I remember whilst travelling with Master, as dopey and annoying as well as easygoing, so maybe I did stand a chance. But since they were part water, it posed another issue. But regardless, the only thing I was interested in was to keep moving and find somewhere to sleep—not battle or build any dams!

“I understand why you need my help for fighting off your enemies, but in case you haven’t noticed, I’m a fire type! I hate water,” I reminded, hoping to jolt some form of memory in the brown, chunky pokémon’s presumably shrivelled mind.

“...Oh. But you could still help us,” the bibarel shrugged, clearly not absorbing the information through his thick skull.

“Uhh—how? If I’m not going near any water, th—”

“Carry the logs!” the bidoof side-kick suggested, and in response, I rolled my eyes.

“Once again, how? I’m no machoke! I can’t carry some half-eaten tree on my back or in my mouth!” I growled, my anger reaching boiling point. I knew I didn’t have to get all steamy over a couple of dumb water types, but they really pushed the wrong buttons. “How about I help you fend off...whatever you need fending off—”

“They’re strong!” the leader intervened, and I had no idea why. I was in the middle of a sentence.

“...And after that you can build the dam ON YOUR OWN!”

“No, no! We need your help! You can carry the logs!” the bidoof insisted, her buck teeth and goofy eyes racking me off.

“I already told you I CAN’T!” I yelled, fire leaking between my bared fangs as smoke fogged the air.

“Guards!” yipped the leader, his lardy form edging away from mine.

“H-hey!” I struggled as two bibarel came down on me like a ton of firewood. “G-get off me!” I exclaimed, unable to breathe properly. The crushing feeling spread throughout my body and I cringed, emitting a string of growls before giving in. “O-okay! SO...rry.”

The two pokémon stared at me indifferently before the bidoof motioned with her head for them to un-pile. “Off.” And once they did, it was a great relief to know I could feel the air circulating once again.

“Geez...” I mumbled disdainfully, eying all four pokémon with annoyance. The two in charge seemed to want me to say something else, and I sighed, blinking for longer than normal. “Look... I’ll just do what I can, and then I’m outta—”

“OH, GOODY!” exclaimed the leader and his side-kick too enthusiastically, their goofy grins expanding like a jigglypuff’s body inflating. I rolled my eyes, thinking something about them being overly eager while the duo of body guards appeared at my side. They apprehended me before I knew it, pressing against my shoulders as they attempted to gain grip and dragging me so my back paws were not touching the ground and my tail scraped the floor.

Soon enough I was outside in the dim light, staring at a small dome constructed of half-chewed logs I realised I had just been sighing in. “Oof,” I breathed as I was released and I lay on my back for only a second before rolling to my right and onto my paws again. “Where even...” Before I could ask myself the question, my whereabouts became clear to me. I surveyed the area, taking in the sight of several domes scattered about, some made poorly and some very well. Channels of water streamed through, and for a fair while, each direction was filled with rivers branching like streets in a human city, only more randomised. I was standing on the rightmost edge of the territory, in the only log structure that was the only one on its ‘street’—however, it was more like an inlet that a street, as it was a circular pool of water the house was situated in. Even though I doubted the bidoof and bibarel’s abilities in the first place, I knew that something about their dens was wrong. And as I squinted my eyes to view homes in the near distance, I finally discovered the reason—they were all too high up. Usually they would be on a really small hill so that they would have to swim under to enter and inside they would be on land, but every single den I could see has their ground floor exposed. The water needed to be at least twice the level it was currently in order to submerge the appropriate amount of the huts for grounding purposes, and I began to wonder if that was the reason needed for the dam.

“D-Dusty?” asked a voice, and I spun around to spot my dark and ice friend across a shallow waterway a few metres wide. I got a shock, but at the same time a bolt of relief surged through me.

“They got you too?” I blurted, completely not expecting her to be here. I then recalled her dashing away after instructing that I should not go anywhere—a wise piece of advice. The conversations she had heard must have been the pokémon living in the area, and when they saw her, perhaps more body guards had sprung her and tied her up as well. Until she escaped.

“...‘Got me’?” she questioned, and to that I gave a tiny frown. “Dusty, what are you doing here?”

“Yeah...um... You know how you told me not to move...from that place? Well, I did.” I gave a sheepish smile before I caught her questioning expression. “It wasn’t my decision. Some stupid pokémon started yappin’ about how I was weaker than a root. A root, Zhol! Anyway, he lured me outside the bushed off area, and then the next thing I knew I was seeing stars and being dragged into that house thing made of trees,” I growled, motioning to the ‘boss’ office’ behind me where I had been imprisoned. “I’m not here ‘cause I wanna be. Those bozos captured me against my will. And—and get this: now they want me to help.”

“Dusty, these pokémon are vague friends of my colony,” Zhol told me, and I blinked repeatedly.

“W-wh...they are?” I asked, surprised in a negative kind of way. ‘Why would they want to be?!’

“Yes. They raised one of our members as their own despite him being neither a bidoof nor bibarel.”

“Right... So, do you have any idea why they need me to help them fend off...‘invaders’?” I wondered, hoping she could fill me in. She only returned my question with a blank stare, and apparently it was me who needed to fill her in. “Well...according to them a group o’ pokémon have a problem with them,” I started, muttering that I didn’t blame them, and continued, “and the pokémon here are worried that they’re goin’ to attack.”

Zhol seemed to consider the piece of information I set in front of her, and she looked crowded with thoughts as I interrupted.

“We don’t have to stay...do we? It’s really not something I’m keen on doing...” She opened her mouth, but I couldn’t resist throwing more out there. “It’s not even our fight!”

“You shouldn’t be so hasty,” she advised, and I looked at her again. “It is true the battle does not concern either of us, but I cannot turn my back on the colony’s friends. In turn I guarantee they will help us when we’re in need of it.”

“Great, so it’s an ‘even if you’re not part of it, you should still care’ kinda thing?” I questioned, frustrated by the idea.

“...Please understand,” Zhol told me, and I assumed since she would have seen me sit, she took it upon herself to cross the stream. About halfway I gasped, nearly getting up as she looked about to be forced over. However, her balance was restored and she made it across alive.

“Welcome...” I neared her face, standing again, and spoke quietly and deeply. “To the dark side.” She almost looked amused, but her confusion got the better of her and she gave a tiny frown.

“Excusing me now, please,” interrupted a voice, and I whirled around and stared strangely at a bidoof slightly bigger than the one that had been inside the log enclosure. She was standing on her hind legs and waved with one of her front ones, and I had to wonder why she was doing such a thing.

We continued to look at her oddly as she waved. “Uhh... I am...excusing you now, please?” I answered, finding her way of speaking odd.

“You are coming with me now, please,” she insisted, and lowered herself.

I shrugged and neared her, but what I didn’t expect was for her to turn around and begin to lead me. “W-Wait,” I called, and she turned around—thankfully. I caught up to her in three leaps while Zhol poofed beside me. “Where’re we going?”

The bidoof tilted back her head to think, and it was a full few seconds before she came up with a reply. “I am taking you now to have the battle plan for tonight explained to you, flareon.”

She turned back on course and waddled away. I followed closely. “Battle plan?” I asked with a rather monotone voice. I felt like face-pawing.

We were led through the area and to a large dome. The problem was that it was surrounded by water...and I assumed it was deep water. “We are here now,” mentioned the duel type, bringing us to the edge of the part of land we were on. As I scanned the dome, I realised that it had no entrances and cocked my brow.

“Uhh...yeah. How exactly do we get in? I don’t even see a way through,” I huffed.

The bidoof made a sloppy dive into the water, drops flying through the air at us. I jumped back, still unintentionally catching some of them, and her head appeared shortly after, having emerged. “We are going underwater now, please, where the entrance is.”

“Wa-wh-WHAT?!” I yelled, my eyes large and unbelieving.

“Is there a problem?” asked our tour guide.

“Uhh, yeah! I’m a fire type!” I answered, thinking I’d have to spell it out for her. I nearly laughed at the sheer stupidity, my temper rising. “Fire types hate water!”

“Dusty, you have to comply,” the sneasel beside me mentioned.

I FELT BETRAYED...well, to a non-serious extent, but I was still reluctant. “But, Zhol!” I whined, reluctantly chancing a glance at the icky substance so plentiful around the bidoof/bibarel camp. “I can’t even swim properly...and my fur takes forever to dry! Why are you making me do this?”

“It can’t be helped,” she added, her expression tinged with minor empathy. “I’m not too fond of water myself.”

I cocked my head, wondering what she meant. “But you’re part ice,” I replied absent-mindedly.

Zhol didn’t give me that look I know some pokémon like Azure would give me, telling me I’m an idiot for not knowing. “Ice and water are two separate elements, even though one is created from the other.”

“Oh yeah...”

“We will not dawdle for any longer!” grumped the bidoof, her tone still plain but slightly impatient. “Be following me now!”

I sighed heavily. It had to be water. Walking though fire I’d be fine with, even if I was burned. I would have even crossed a clearing with poisonous gas and sludge trails, risking death by inhalation. But going into water? “Ugh...”

That horrid, daunting sound of a body hitting liquid made my ears curl, and I shuddered. Zhol didn’t surface for a few seconds, and I was almost worried. When she did, she seemed considerably uncomfortable. She turned to me, her arms swaying in the water to keep herself afloat. She looked expectantly at me, as if silently telling me that if she could do it then so could I, but she didn’t understand the loathing-with-a-passion I had for water...

“Quickly!” snapped the bidoof, and I eyed her with an angry glare and a scrunched nose.

I breathed in and out again, staring at the water. I held my chest high and met its edge, and it seemed to jeer at me as I contemplated the consequences. I narrowed my eyes. “I’ll show you... Stupid water...” I dipped my paw in, recoiling instantly. “Bleh-bl-bleh-bl-bleh!” I babbled, showing my disgust with an end whine. “There’s no way I’m going in there!” I backed away and met the bidoof’s agitated eyes, adamant about my decision. “Put me through fire, chuck me into a pit of snakes, but do not expect me to swim for you.”

***

Dripping wet and slouching in the cold, a look of scorn was written all over my face. I threw my glower at Zhol for the umpteenth time, finally catching her neutral glance, and hissed under my breath, “This is stupid.” She nearly smirked in response, her eyes flicking to the main bibarel speaker up the front of the room. I was glad we hadn’t arrived when they were setting up—even though the audience filled up most of the large space and therefore the setting was not complicated, pokémon would have taken aaaaages to get in line. Especially knowing these species...

“Commencing battle plan!” The bibarel up front attempted a walk on his hind legs, and though it was shaky and looked rather pointless to try, he was doing fairly well. He had a stick in his maw he used to point to certain marked areas with on the mud-board he had behind him. It was completely dried and had unwanted cracks in certain spots, but when it was still wet someone had drawn...something...up. There were chewed leaves mounted in selected places to show specific landmarks or areas—like the start of their territory and presumably, on the edge of the board, the start of the attacking pokémon’s territory.

At one point the clumsy normal and water type nearly knocked over the large slab, which made me smile with harmless amusement, but at the same time I thought a bit about it. Was this kind of accidental behaviour common among these creatures? It seemed worrisome that it would, and I would hate to have been born as someone who couldn’t help making those unfortunate mistakes all the time. Shortly after, the bibarel tilted his head and released his grip on the twig by accident and nearly choked on it. And as opposed to anyone laughing or rolling their eyes, all the pokémon in the room panicked and stood up, all ready to help their fellow colony-mate. I found that heart-warming...even if it wasn’t necessary for them all to get up since only two or three were needed to assist him. Even if these weren’t the smartest pokémon I had met, they were all friendly (although strangely antisocial) and thought it to be natural to look out for everyone—family, a friend or a stranger.

Half way through the battle plan meeting, I noticed that I had no idea who we were going to be up against. So far the whole discussion had been based around soldier arrangement and the huts to flee to where the young would shelter with a pawful of guards and supervisors. I was unsure of their numbers, as well, and even this colony’s was a mystery. It only occurred to me then that I could ask.

“E...excuse me,” I interjected, and bidoof and bibarel around me met my eyes. “Uhh...hi.” Some turned back around while others kept staring, and I decided to try again, my ears standing tall to be more noticed. “Excuse me!” This time every member in the whole room had their sights on me, including the instructor...or whatever he was.
“...Oh. Are you and the one next to you the foreign pokémon I was told about who are here to help us?” he questioned, the stick having dropped from his mouth.

With all eyes on me I felt a little uncomfortable (even though back in the giant crates it didn’t bother me...probably because I was angry or something), and I took a moment to reply. “W-well...‘here to help us’ is...” I shook my head briefly, deciding not to dwell on the terminology that didn’t quite agree with me. “Um—who exactly are we fighting? And how large is their army?”

All heads turned to the front again in sync. “...I do expect you all to know that we are going up against our regular enemies—the Narrawu Colony.”

They all swung back to me. “How was I supposed to know...?” I muttered, but looked at him again. “Uhh...and they would be...?”

And they turned again. “Our enemy colony,” responded the bibarel.

I sighed heavily, rolling my eyes. “I figured that...”

“What?”

“N-nothing...um... That’s all.”

The pokémon twirled around, collecting his stick and holding it in place with his large teeth, and began talking again as if I hadn’t even addressed him. I glanced to my left, catching Zhol’s gaze. I raised my brow, silently communicating, and she seemed to understand I was referring to the lack of communication between me and the brown pokémon up front.

We emerged from the dome near an hour later (as much as I did and didn’t want to), and I brushed off the many brown hairs that chose my pelt as their home after leaving those around me, shaking at the same time to fling the pools of water from between each fur strand. “Zhol, thank you,” I muttered as the sneasel shook off by my side. She directed her gaze at me.

“For what?” she queried after waiting for me to give a reason.

“For not being part of this colony,” I answered, nibbling at a knot on my right shoulder. I saw the dark type smirk from the corner of my eye.

“Get ready!” called that head lecturer bibarel after hobbling onto land from the water. More of his kind scurried around like lost rattata, looking determined but going nowhere as they would pause and turn around, only then discovering they chose the wrong way. “We should expect them...” The normal and water type looked about to give a time frame in which they would arrive; however, his expression told me that he did not know when, so he left his sentence where it was.

“Hey, Zhol, we should expect them,” I mocked.

“Yes...” Zhol responded, and instantaneously rocketed away. She followed the waterline downstream, heading in the toward the end of the colony’s territory. I was shocked, wondering why she had fled so rashly and without even consulting me. Did she plan to escape? But surely she would not abandon a fellow colony in need...not that I wouldn’t, but it was against Zhol’s nature to do something like that—especially since she told me herself earlier. I wiped that choice off the possibilities list.

“Zhol!” I called out, but she didn’t reply as she became smaller the further away she sprinted. “Where on Earth...?” I rolled my eyes and looked ahead, charting my course as I chose to run along sections that weren’t close to the many watery paths. I readied myself and pushed off the ground—only to be yelled at from behind. It sounded like one of the colony members, and they were shouting out ‘flareon’ repeatedly. I groaned, forcing myself to come to a halt. I watched as Zhol kept running near to the edge of the steeply-sloping cliff that was to the side of the normally-sloping land, and I dearly hoped she was going to stop before reaching it. Just to ensure she did, I stayed facing her for as long as I could, but it was cut short as the pokémon who had been trying to address me came closer. I spun around, disapproving of a sneaky approach, and looked the bibarel in the eyes. “What?” I quickly asked.

A little caught off guard by my turning and speech, the pokémon took a moment. “...What are you doing?” Her face seemed clouded with something close to worry and concern. “You weren’t leaving us, were you?”

“What?” It then clicked that that would be an appropriate assumption, on account of how I probably looked about to escape. “No, I was, um, following my friend. I didn’t know where she was headed.”


Continued in next post...
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Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 09-29-2012 at 03:31 AM.
  #327  
Old 04-07-2010, 02:36 PM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

The water and normal type cocked her head and stared past me. She must have spotted the sneasel in the distance, and as I turned around to see her myself, the pokémon spoke again, recapturing my attention. “She’s the look-out now.” I was marginally confused, but before I could question her statement, she interrupted. “She was assigned as the new look-out for the war to spot the enemy.”

“W-what?!” I spat, taken aback. “...War? What war? What do you mean by ‘war’?!” I began shaking my head in denial. “I didn’t sign up to be a soldier! I thought this was only a stupid feud!” Images of what happened on the ship leaked into my mind, the blood staining my brain’s walls and those pain-filled cries echoing from one side of my head to the other. I blinked, trying to rid my mind of the image.

“War is what we refer to battle as,” mentioned the bibarel. I slid my fretting to the side, meeting her gaze with near-disgust.

“...You refer to battle...as war?” I hissed, my face tinted with disdain. “Do you know...what war’s really like? What war is? You use the term as if it means nothing but a pointless tussle!”

The pokémon seemed to not know exactly what I was talking about, and calling something so minor ‘war’ was probably normal for her...as misinformed as that was. She stayed silent for a few moments before saying, “Come on,” and began to lead me away.

“Huh?” And when I realised she was trying to separate me from Zhol, I stood my ground. “No! Where—where do you even want to take me?”

“Leave the look-out by herself and follow.”

“Why? And what gives you the authority to boss me around?”

“Flareon, all outsiders are to stay in an allocated area until they can go after the w—...battle.” I was slightly encouraged by her term replacement, but it didn’t alter my state of mind. I was in a foreign place with strange pokémon who forced me into helping them when I did not volunteer, and I had no idea what the end result of the whole experience would be or what to expect. So defying orders was fairly high on my agenda and as part of my defence, as well.

I looked away reluctantly. “...But why? ...Why can’t I stay with Zhol? ...Why do I have to stay in a hut until the battle?”

The pokémon stared at me with a hint of sympathy. “It is so you don’t do anything you aren’t permitted to beforehand.”

“Like what?” I snapped, capturing her attention. I secretly knew taking my anger out on this random colony member wasn’t going to achieve anything, but it wasn’t fair. “You don’t even have a right to keep me here. I could leave now.”

“Flareon, please... If we don’t get back, the battle plan may be sabotaged.”

I scoffed. “What battle plan?” I shook my head. “Aren’t we just gonna storm ‘em when they get here or something?”

“...Come on,” she urged, beginning to throw her glance in assorted directions. “You want to be prepared for when they attack...and so do I.” She stood firm, her mind nearly as made up as mine.

As stubborn as I felt, and although I was convinced my paws that had been planted into the ground were not going to move unless I got my own way, I began to contemplate my decisions. I didn’t want to dwell on them too much, as I knew those two shoulder flareon would pop up. One of my thoughts whispered about the fact that that the faster I followed the bibarel and got to the hut, the sooner I would learn how to kick the enemies’ butt. But on the other paw, I didn’t want to be parted with my only friend.

“Flareon...” The bibarel looked me in the eyes. “Let’s go.” She whirled around after bounding a few metres forward, glancing over her shoulder to make sure I was tailing her. I gritted my teeth...and ripped my paws from the ground, the scent of dirt and the rushing currents surrounding me suffocating as I sprinted after the bibarel. As much as I didn’t want to leave Zhol...I knew she would be fine on her own.

We arrived at the den after half a minute of running. To my relief it was not another underwater entrance one, so all I had to do was waltz in as opposed to getting myself completely drenched in order to be inside a place I hardly wanted to be. I still hadn’t dried from the previous encounter with the awful river, and I certainly didn’t want the process to begin again.

The bibarel led me through a small hole on the far right of a mud wall we encountered as soon as we came in. It opened into the main room. Pokémon filled the entire hut, chatting and going over plans while others itched for the battle to begin. The place was lit up by fire at the end of the room. Since I didn’t light it, my guess was that they had another pokémon able to control fire or it had been lit long ago and was kept alive by constant fuel. A musky smell occupied the air, and I felt a tad uncomfortable having it waft up my nostrils. In the midst of searching for somewhere to sit down to wait, I suddenly stopped. I blinked.

There was a face.

One that had stuck with me through our capture...through arguments and battles for freedom...and against each other that the contempt we shared. That intense dislike that sparked between us from the moment I laid eyes on her.

Azure?” I stared with a blank expression that could easily have been mistaken for a light frown. She looked terribly dumbfounded and returned my stare as if she was surprised to see me...to see me alive. Her bottom jaw separated from the top one slowly, and I was sure she was about to say something. I didn’t know what she could possibly say at such a time, but I wasn’t about to find out.

I heard scuttling from behind, and even though I felt so distracted by the glaceon, I whirled around to view someone I was glad to see. On the contrary, she hardly looked interested in having a little chit-chat.

“They’re coming.”

***

I barely had any idea what was happening as the soldiers of the colony formed in a long line, some sitting in water. The enemy clan turned out to be another bunch of bibarel and bidoof, and they lived downstream from this one. They appeared steaming mad, and all were in fits of rage as they faced us in their line. I watched as their leader and this colony’s leader were talking it out in the section between the two colonies. They discussed an issue I couldn’t quite grasp, standing tall on their hind legs.

“You’re selfish—selfish, I tell you!” yelped the opposing side’s leader, growing madder and madder by the moment.

“Am not! You’re selfish,” retorted this side’s leader.

“It’s your fault! You’re at fault here because you live upstream.”

“If you didn’t live down there then there would be no problem! We need water too,” the dual type huffed.

“See, see—selfish! We can live wherever we want.”

Noticing they were not getting anywhere, I tapped the bidoof beside me with my front paw. “What are they talking about?” I whispered, shaking my head as I watched their pathetic argument. She seemed to be too enthralled in their babbling, so I rolled my eyes and stepped forward. The second I did so, claws gripped my back left leg. I whipped my head back to find Zhol. I tilted my head, wondering what she had to say.

“Bibarel are known for their goofiness...but also their tempers. Among other things.”

I nodded and she let go. I turned and progressed towards them, and as I did, all eyes fell onto me. I tried to ignore the many stares as I approached this colony’s leader. “Hey,” I began in order to get their attention, interrupting their conversation. Their gazes drew to mine, and I shrugged.

“...Who is this?” questioned the other leader.

“Dusty,” I answered.

The two bibarel exchanged looks. “What does she want?”

“I want to know, um, what you’re fighting about.” I threw my head over my shoulder to spot Zhol, who looked alert. She stared at me expectantly and I span back to the two pokémon. “Uhh, uhh... Because...I could help?” I continued, spinning back ‘round to check if I had done the right thing or not. Zhol became less tense, and I sighed. I would have thought bibarel were supposed to only be known for being laid-back, not for their attitudes as well.

“You don’t know?” questioned the other bibarel.

“Would I be asking if I didn’t?” I mumbled, and after he asked what I said, I stuttered, “Uhh—no, I don’t.”

“For years our colonies have been at war,” – I cringed at the term – “because of our disagreement.” The two pokémon laid disdainful eyes upon one another and I was certain they would start up another argument soon.

“Well...what’s the disagreement?” I queried. At first the army pokémon who were able to hear us clearly looked from face to face as if they were unsure themselves, and then the two leaders seemed to chuckle. I raised an eyebrow and glanced about. “Am I...missing something?”

“The disagreement is...” began the leader who had held me hostage. “It’s, uh...about...the dam.”

“The dam...yeah...” I waited for them to proceed. “What about it?”

“Well...years ago, the dam...was built...a dam was built between our territories,” explained the other leader.
“Uh huh,” I pressed, not understanding the oh-so-great problem that sprouted from a dam.

The leader from the colony behind me then spoke. “Our land slopes down...and downwards lives them,” he sneered. “And they have a problem with our dam.”

“The problem!” intervened the opposing normal and water type. “The problem is that when that dam is up...my colony gets no water.”

“Oh, that’s tauros cr—”

“IT’S the problem, Boon,” growled the other bibarel.

“Right...” I mused, going over it in my head. “So...” I stepped between them. “You’re willing to sacrifice your time and, more importantly, lives over this...this...petty dilemma?”

“Petty dilemma?!” spat both bidoof evolutions, and I puffed my chest and tail to show that I wouldn’t be overthrown or challenged by either of them.

“Well, this stupid indecision, then. Why can’t you—”

“Because he’s too stubborn!” shouted both pokémon simultaneously, and I felt like folding down my ears and gluing them to the fur on the sides of my head.

“Well then, be unstubborn and work this out before anyone gets hurt, or worse!” I demanded, taking turns to look both pokémon in the eye. They were completely against the idea...I could tell. But what was the point in fighting when they could have just sorted everything out? I didn’t understand how it could have been that hard. “You may not think it’s my place, but you,” – I glared at Boon – “forced me to help with the battle between the two colonies, so how about you listen?”

The two bibarel flashed glowers at each other and at me. However, they seemed to calm down a notch. “Fine. But only if he apologises,” reasoned the other pokémon, and Boon raised his voice and the two were quick to begin arguing again.

I rolled my eyes and clenched my jaws, unsure of what to do. “Guys,” I started, but their attention was on each other. I twirled around as a reflex, as if to ask someone to help. I laid my sights on Zhol and widened my eyes, jerking my head towards the pair of water and normal types. “A little help?”

In the blink of an eye Zhol had appeared beside me, and soon stood between the bibarel. They seemed somewhat offended and again the other bibarel questioned her identity. “Zhol,” the sneasel quickly replied.

“Look, will you guys just quit it and sort this out instead?” I intervened. “Don’t let this turn into a physical fight.”

Zhol stepped back, stopping on my right. “Please,” she started, the two falling silent. “...It’s in the best interest of bother of your colonies.”

At this the dual types blinked in unison. They made no move to speak as they considered it. “She’s right,” I admitted.

“...Yes,” agreed Boon’s right-hand bidoof. “They are right.” She turned to Boon as all other colony members listened in. “If talking doesn’t work, we’ll do it how it’s always been,” suggested the smaller pokémon, and the two leaders nodded.

“What? N—” I began, but Zhol held up an arm. She turned her head to catch me with one eye, and I gave in.
The many bidoof and bibarel in the armies conversed quietly, wondering what their leaders would choose. Some I heard thought the new plan was a better idea, but others were more interested in a battle. Luckily it wasn’t up to them.

“...Very well,” Boon decided, his threatening tone disappearing. He and the other bibarel dropped to all-fours. “Tu and I will have a private meeting with this flareon—”

“And Zhol,” I added.

“...Yes. And the decision will be made then.”

“Wait...” I began, meeting Boon’s gaze. “Do we get to go after that?”

He asked himself before saying, “Only if it’s resolved.”

At that I gaped, beginning to growl. Zhol tried calming me down with her piercing eyes, but I wouldn’t back down. It was completely unjust to keep us with them when we had nothing to do with their situation. If they made the choice to brawl instead of talk, why was that our problem? If it was up to us, we’d have them figure it out by using words, because such a stupid reason to spend energy and shed tears was...well...stupid! But rather than taking this any further, I made up my mind. If they were too stubborn to resolve the issue peacefully, I was going to escape. With or without Zhol.

***

An hour later we – Tu, Boon, Zhol and I, as well as the leaders’ side-kicks – sat in an isolated lodge on the edge of one colony’s land. I found it challenging not to fall asleep, since it had to be almost midnight and it had been a day packed with travelling, and since the room was dim it hardly prevented tiredness. We were seated on long logs that, if two more were present opposite the ones already there, would make a diamond shape.

“So, what is it you were thinking, flareon?” wondered Tu, repeating himself after I asked him to.

“Oh, um... Well, so...this whole thing’s about the dam...” I looked to Boon. “When you guys build it, Tu’s colony pays the price because they don’t get a good flow?”

“Yep,” Tu confirmed, but Boon only sighed.

“Well, in my opinion, you shouldn’t have the dam.”

“Uh-huh! Uh-huh,” supported Tu. The other bibarel was staggered.

“But we can’t do that! The dam has to stay,” the pokémon protested, his voice raised. His assistant held the same opinion, and Zhol looked to be against the idea as well.

“Why do you need it?” I asked, not sure of what it even did.

“Without the dam, our water levels drop because our land is on a slope. So we have to have it!”

“And when you do have one up...Tu’s territory suffers the consequences,” I muttered, finding the situation to be an inconvenient one. “Well, that’s annoying.”

“Have you...tried to make a deal before?” Zhol questioned, possibly thinking up a solution.
“We were never interested,” Boon’s bidoof answered, “because they tear the dam down after we spend all night making it.”

“You...you do?” I faced Tu.

“That was after you refused to negotiate!” Tu yelped in his defence.

“Alright, okay!” I shouted, feeling the tension rise. “Well...looks like we need to figure something out.”

“Indeed,” Zhol nodded. “I suggest...” We all turned to her as she gazed at the floor. “Perhaps if two dams were put up it would solve the problems.”

I tilted my head. “...Go on. I think you’re onto something.” She nodded.

“One would be between the colonies, and the second would be after Tu’s.” She slid off the log she was on (the one diagonally across from the one Tu, Tu’s bidoof and I) and drew a wonky square in the dirt with one of her powerful claws. A few centimetres after it she drew a small line, and then repeated the two shapes. “This square represents the first colony, and,” – she directed out attention to the second square – “this square is the second colony. If the dams are between the two and after Tu’s, the water will stay in place and neither colony will have shortages.” She circled each part as she spoke, and sense began to squeeze past the impossible walls – or dams – in the bibarel’s minds. “The dam after the second colony will be built first, so the water can build up, and after that the second dam will be built to fill the first colony’s space. When too much water builds up or you simply want a fresh supply, remove the dams and later you can put them back into place.”

All five of us nodded, impressed by Zhol’s smarts. “...Nice going,” I mentioned, and she gave me a weak smile. “...Cool!” I grinned as I dropped from the log. “So it’s all good? Good!” I triumphantly fluffed up, happy to finally have this worked out...even though it hadn’t been too long. But who knows how much longer we would have had to stay had Zhol not have come up with such a brilliant idea? ‘Sleep time, sleep time!’ I cheered inside my head, and the thought of freedom teased me as I imagined sleeping at the foot of a tree again once away from all this!

As I danced a little jig, Boon and Tu nodded to each other. “Your dam, then mine,” Boon checked, and the other pokémon concurred. “Let us...get to work.”

“Huh?” I slurred, stretching. “Work?”

Stares piled on top of me. “Yes, the dams. They must be built.”

“Mm, great,” I mumbled. “When?” My eyelids felt heavy, and hopefully I could get a few hours of rest before they made me do anything.

“...Half an hour, maybe?” suggested Tu. Boon was content with that.

“HALF—half an hour?!” I spluttered, choking on my own yawn. “But, but—it’s nighttime! I am so ditching you.”

“Dusty,” Zhol whispered, her back to them. “Bibarel and bidoof can be nocturnal or diurnal. I think this colony is nocturnal.”

“Well, flareon can’t be! The only thing we’re hard at work doing during the night is sleeping!” I howled. After the statement was made, I realised that it was perfectly normal for any flareon to be nocturnal as well, but ignored that fact and stuck to my words. “Besides...how can they not be woken up by the Sun?” Although straight after the question I felt stupid, as I noticed the only source of light there could be in one of the domes was fire. “Maybe...maybe light’s not a problem, but still! If they expect me to do anything starting from in half an hour’s time...they’re dreamin’!”

***

“Roll it down!” a bidoof called to me, and vengefully I gave a giant log a forceful push with two front legs. It tumbled down the hillside until a team of the beaver pokémon stopped it (looking kinda funny since they were so small compared to the log). I had been at it for ages now, and it was always a few minutes before they asked me to do it again. Several times I had come close to dozing off, but not long after I was caught in the act and woken up. But those bidoof and bibarel would never understand...they were nocturnal! They were used to busying themselves this time of the day...or night. I wasn’t.

“Okay!” chanted a nearby water and normal type, gleefully grinning at me. “Log movement is complete!” He looked about to pass on some sort of congratulatory gesture – such as a pat on the back – but his actions weren’t going to commence after he noted the fiery glare I thrust in his direction. Instead he chuckled sheepishly and plodded down the hill in order to see how else he could be of assistance to...someone else.


Continued in next post...
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Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 09-29-2012 at 03:31 AM.
  #328  
Old 04-07-2010, 02:37 PM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

With a frustrated sigh, I whirled around, unsure of what to do next. I took a step forward, tripping on a small rock and planting my face into the dirt. Grumbling, I swished around to see what could be so strong as to make me fall, but I never got the chance as I slipped on a patch of stray mud and tumbled backwards. I expected to stop within a second of beginning, but the hill on that side – where nobody happened to be at the bottom of – dropped rapidly and before I knew it, I was on a roll—literally!

“Waaaah!” I screamed, unable to navigate my way down or view my path. Sharp twigs and protruding rocks stabbed me as I continued, and it was less than comfortable.

All of a sudden, my stop was softened...and I had no idea why. I had slowed near the foot of the small hill, but I halted altogether as I clonked into what definitely didn’t feel like a boulder or a tree. Dazed, I hoisted myself up, only to find I was facing the hill. Curious, I turned around and saw...and saw nothing but more ground. I blinked repeatedly, confused. To my left shrubs and taller plants grew, but nothing that would have cushioned my fall like it did, and nothing in the right spot! Causing my thoughts to stray, my ears flickered. I padded forward several metres before the sound become louder, and on the other side of tall grass I overlooked a river. It was a reasonable drop downwards, and I instantly found myself to be...extremely lucky to have been stopped when I was, because at the rate I was going I could have rolled off the edge and been carried all the way to the nearest ocean. The thought lingered until a rustle from those bushes caught me off guard. I leaped away from the short cliff and faced the plantation suspiciously, my eyes fixed on them and my stance became that of a defensive one.

“Who’s...who’s there?” I wondered, my voice low despite my wishes against a battle at this hour. I waited in angst for another noise, but I didn’t hear another one until it was my own voice. “If...you were the one who saved me...”

“Hey, you!” called someone from atop the hill.

“Ahh!” I screeched, nearly suffering a heart attack.

“What do you think you’re doing down there?” It was a random I didn’t know, and she looked grumpy.

“You gave me a—”

“There’s work to do! So come back,” she demanded, not looking about to give up her post until I followed her order.

Cautiously I strode past the clump of greenery and eyed it, ready to spot any trace of movement. However, the first rustle must have been my imagination because not another breath was heard from that direction. And even if there was someone there, my eyesight wasn’t powerful enough to spot them in the darkness.

After slogging up the hill and being told by the bibarel to run along and find another task, I was instructed to be the director of the placement of the logs for the dam along with whoever else wasn’t moving and swimming with the branches and trunks. It was tiring and not overly calming, and frankly I wanted to slap those pokémon silly. They were painfully bad listeners, even though I could admit they were hard workers, so it made it all the more frustrating to tell them what to do.

But at last it was done...and I felt free. Free to go and free to sl—

“Now for the second dam,” mentioned one of the bidoof who had been directing with me and began waddling away. I stood with perplexity written all over my face before it clicked.

‘The second one,’ I thought with contempt, my eye twitching. ‘Just...another few hours of work... Just...just some more hours...’ In a fit of anger, I released a stream of fire on a nearby log, barely caring as I left and it blazed away.

***

Exhaling, the pokémon who nearly had himself revealed backed out from the shrubs. “...Lucky I was here... She would have fallen head over heels for that river down there.” He nearly chuckled at his own joke as he peered over the cliff, his thin tail flickering to show his dislike for the gushing...stuff. “She’s thankful,” he muttered, turning left to face the direction in which he knew the flareon was headed. Nearly as quickly as he came, the pokémon loped away, having a feeling that the eevee evolution wouldn’t need his assistance another time that night. ‘Until next time...Flair.’

***

Stirring and stretching my limbs, I felt grogginess beginning to bathe me. My mouth grew into a gaping hole and I exhaled shortly after. What a good sleep I’d had! We worked all night...and till an hour or two before the Sun would have risen – which I was furious about – but it meant that I had slept like a slakoth. I waited a few moments before recalling where I was and what I needed to do, and it became clear fairly quickly. Deciding I should get up, I hauled myself to my feet and glanced about as I tried to identify something – anything – in the blackness. A muddy smell fogged my nostrils, and I cringed, thinking some cleaner air would have been nice. I noticed an opening to the left of the far side of the room and attempted to avoid tails and heads as I weaved between several pokémon. Once I appeared before the hole, I slipped through to come into an enclosed room where the entrance to the dome led me outside into the morning air. It still smelled of mud, but looking upwards, I—

My eyes widened. The Sun was positioned in the centre of the sky—no, it was further west! “Oh no!” I raced back inside, hoping that Zhol would appear before me. However, I was engulfed in darkness and couldn’t see a thing. I panicked, trying to catch her scent. “...Zhol,” I whispered, “Zhol!” I heard movement, but after waiting several seconds I thought it must not have been her. I scowled, scampering back outside. In all honesty, I had no idea where to look. I thought to stick with the scent idea, but thinking again, I found it to be a futile means of finding her. There were far too many scents intermingled in the surrounding area.

“Dusty!” I heard, and my relief returned, my ears flicking up.

“Saved by the sneasel,” I chuckled, sighing. She appeared outside one of the lodges and dashed beside me. “Hey, Zhol! I didn’t know which hut they put you in.”

She nodded, looking somewhat impatient. “I’ve spoken to Boon about our...”

“Release?”

She flashed an amused smile. “Duty relief. We’re allowed to go.”

“Yes!” I chirped, bouncing on the spot. I grinned at her, and she nodded once. I sprinted away from the collection of homes, my excitement giving me an extra energy boost. “Good riddance!” I called once tilting my head skyward. I heard Zhol as she materialised beside me, and my happiness showed as I ‘woohoo’ed my way down a slope.

***

“Hey, Zhol,” I began, panting after being on the move for an hour or so. We had stopped by a stream and the sneasel was slurping up water she cradled in her paws. She stopped, giving them a flick to shake the remaining droplets free from her skin. I slumped off the tree stump I had climbed on top of and stood at the stream’s edge. “You know yesterday how you said that we’d reach your home by the next afternoon?”

“Yes,” she answered as I lapped up the cool liquid.

“...Well, because we slept in, do you think that’s now an inaccurate estimate?”

Zhol puffed out a long breath, searching for the mountains in the near distance. “I do.”

“In that case...how long do you think it’ll take to get there? Nighttime, perhaps?” I wondered, trying to calculate judging by what she had said the day before and keeping in mind how early she thought we would have woken.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Late.” She took my spot on the stump.

I went back to drinking, but when I had stopped I turned to her again. “You know... I saw Azure yesterday.” But to my remark my friend only frowned. “...Oh, right,” I chuckled, not having realised until then. She hadn’t been present for any of my encounters with the ice type. “You don’t know who she is... Well, she’s a glaceon that was on the ship.” Zhol seemed to flinch nearly undetectably at the mention of the ship, but other than that there was no physical reaction. “She... I met her as...a consequence of being friends with Raiys. She has something against me, but...I sense something unsettling about her. I don’t know what...maybe it’s just that I don’t like her.”

“That may be it,” Zhol guessed, and I nodded without meeting her gaze.

“Mm...”

Just as we had predicted, the two of us arrived on her colony’s land after midnight. I didn’t get a good look at the community, but I was excited to do so in the morning. And since it was so late, all I wanted to do was snooze. Zhol had disappeared, probably after telling me where she was going and where I could stay, but I couldn’t remember... I was too tired! So, drowsily I hobbled along the outskirts of the premises until I wandered in, hardly paying attention to my course. I made my way to some sort of sweet-smelling cave and brushed past a slimy boulder until I collapsed, burying myself in the soft squishiness below me. I became comfortable almost instantly, and the whisper-like cooing hoothoot lulled me to sleep, the peaceful hum of insects helping.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~GS.
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Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 09-29-2012 at 03:32 AM.
  #329  
Old 04-08-2010, 05:48 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

New chapter, w00t!

Haha, I love how in this chapter, Dusty refuses to do things and acts all 'no way!' about it and in the next scene she's either doing it or has already done it. XDDD Also, those bidoof/bibarel were interesting. I agree with Dusty, I would hate to be as clumsy and forgetful as they seem to be! I liked the part when Boon nearly choked on the stick. xD But I thought it was cute how all the other bidoof and bibarel wanted to help him so fast.
And hmm...I wonder who that pokemon was who saved Dusty from falling into the river...

I only found a few typos, so here they are:
Quote:
He had a stick in his maw he used to point to certain marked areas with on the mud-board he had behind him.
I don't think 'with' needs to be there.
Quote:
“What do you think you’re doing down there?” It was a random I didn’t know, and she looked grumpy.
A random? XD
Quote:
I rolled my eyes and looked ahead, charting my course as I picked to run along sections that weren’t close to the many watery paths.
'Picked to run' doesn't really make sense. o.o



Okay, it's that time again! Funny moments!
Quote:
“I understand why you need my help for fighting off your enemies, but in case you haven’t noticed—I’m a Fire type! I hate water,” I reminded, hoping to jolt some form of memory in the brown, chunky pokémon’s presumably shriveled mind.
I love her description of the bidoof. XD
Quote:
“OH, GOODY!” exclaimed the leader and his side-kick too enthusiastically, their goofy grins expanding like a jigglypuff inflating.
XDDD
Quote:
“Uhh...according to them a group o’ pokémon have a problem with them,” I started, muttering that I didn’t blame them, and continued
I love the 'muttering that I didn't blame them' part. I wouldn't blame them either!
Quote:
I dipped my paw in, recoiling instantly. “Bleh-bl-bleh-bl-bleh!” I babbled, showing my disgust.
That's the best 'disgusted' sound ever! xD
Quote:
There were chewed leaves mounted in selected places to show specific landmarks or areas—like the start of their territory and presumably, on the edge of the board, the start of the attacking pokémon’s territory.
I have no idea why but I found it funny that they were chewed leaves. XD
Quote:
“We should expect them...” The Normal and Water type looked about to give a time frame in which they would arrive in; however, his expression told me that he did not know when, so he left his sentence where it was.
XDDD That was probably my favorite funny moment in the chapter. "We should expect them." Why, what a wonderfully informative thing to say!
Quote:
“Because he’s too stubborn!” shouted both pokémon simultaneously, and I felt like folding down my ears and gluing them like that.
A flareon with its ears down would look pretty odd. xD
Quote:
She circled each part as she spoke, and sense began to squeeze past the impossible walls – or dams – in the bibarel’s minds.
I loved how you put that-"sense began to squeeze past" XD
Quote:
‘Sleep time, sleep time!’ I cheered inside my head
I found that funny too. XD
Quote:
“HALF—half an hour?!” I spluttered, choking on my own yawn
This also brings a funny image to mind!
Quote:
“Besides...how can they not be woken up by the Sun?” Although straight after the question I felt stupid, as I noticed the only source of light there could be in one of the domes was fire.
“Maybe...maybe light’s not a problem, but still!
Everybody says stupid things sometimes. XD
Quote:
“I didn’t sign up to be a soldier! I thought this was only a stupid feud!” Images of what happened on the ship leaked into my mind, the blood staining my brain’s walls and those pain-filled cries echoing from one side of my head to the other.
Okay, this isn't a funny part, but I really liked how you described this!


I can't believe Dusty actually put up with those bidoof ordering her around! (Then again, I guess she didn't really have a choice.) If I were her I would have tried to escape. xD At least they managed to get away, even if they're now behind schedule. And Zhol's idea was pretty clever! Huh...I wonder what Azure was doing there. I hadn't expected to see her again anytime soon. I'm surprised she and Dusty didn't start arguing. xD I like how you described how repulsed by the water Dusty was. XD Too bad she had to go into it anyway! I also liked how Zhol reacted when Dusty mentioned Team Rocket's ship, and that part I quoted up there too. I like how they actually have reactions and memories about that instead of it seeming like the events there didn't affect them very much.

And yay, now the journey can go on! I'm so excited to see (well read about) Shard! =DDD
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Old 04-08-2010, 10:49 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
New chapter, w00t!

Haha, I love how in this chapter, Dusty refuses to do things and acts all 'no way!' about it and in the next scene she's either doing it or has already done it. XDDD Also, those bidoof/bibarel were interesting. I agree with Dusty, I would hate to be as clumsy and forgetful as they seem to be! I liked the part when Boon nearly choked on the stick. xD But I thought it was cute how all the other bidoof and bibarel wanted to help him so fast.
And hmm...I wonder who that pokemon was who saved Dusty from falling into the river...

I only found a few typos, so here they are:

I don't think 'with' needs to be there.

A random? XD

'Picked to run' doesn't really make sense. o.o



Okay, it's that time again! Funny moments!

I love her description of the bidoof. XD

XDDD

I love the 'muttering that I didn't blame them' part. I wouldn't blame them either!

That's the best 'disgusted' sound ever! xD

I have no idea why but I found it funny that they were chewed leaves. XD

XDDD That was probably my favorite funny moment in the chapter. "We should expect them." Why, what a wonderfully informative thing to say!

A flareon with its ears down would look pretty odd. xD

I loved how you put that-"sense began to squeeze past" XD

I found that funny too. XD

This also brings a funny image to mind!

Everybody says stupid things sometimes. XD

Okay, this isn't a funny part, but I really liked how you described this!


I can't believe Dusty actually put up with those bidoof ordering her around! (Then again, I guess she didn't really have a choice.) If I were her I would have tried to escape. xD At least they managed to get away, even if they're now behind schedule. And Zhol's idea was pretty clever! Huh...I wonder what Azure was doing there. I hadn't expected to see her again anytime soon. I'm surprised she and Dusty didn't start arguing. xD I like how you described how repulsed by the water Dusty was. XD Too bad she had to go into it anyway! I also liked how Zhol reacted when Dusty mentioned Team Rocket's ship, and that part I quoted up there too. I like how they actually have reactions and memories about that instead of it seeming like the events there didn't affect them very much.

And yay, now the journey can go on! I'm so excited to see (well read about) Shard! =DDD
xDDD Yeah, I always loved that in shows and I'm glad I got to do it..and to Dusty. xDDD


Dusty: Hey! T^T

Well, actually, the battle instructor and the leader (Boon) were supposed to be two different characters. Dx But oh well. xD I didn't really make that clear, I guess. ;P Apart from the fact that Boon can't really have been in the hut and then have magically teleported to the hut that the instructor was in. xD Yeah, I really wanted to include that. I never really had anything against bidoof and bibarel (unlike a lot of people. Dx), and although I made them look silly and childish, they also seem like friendly and almost harmless pokemon, so I wanted to show that there. x)
o: Hehehehe, I don't know when I'll introduce him properly... Maybe the chapter after the next. ^^

xDD Well the 'with' thing was saying: "He had a stick in his maw he used to point to certain marked areas with on the mud-board he had behind him." Like, saying that he pointed to the marked areas with the stick. I didn't know how else to word it. Dx I know it sounds funny, but it makes sense if you read it a few times over. xD

Yeah. xD I use 'random' as a noun and 'a random' refers to a random person (or pokemon in this case). xD It's probably not correct, but since it's from Dusty's point of view I think I'll leave it. xD

Well, she was saying that she chose to run that way, but I wrote 'picked' instead. xD I'll change it.

xDDD That time. xD

xDDD Haha, yeah, she's not fond of 'em. xD Haha, muttering things under her breath. xD

Thanks! It's a sound I make sometimes too, but I think it's better said that written. xD

xDDD Yeah, like they had nibbled on the important things that were used on a significant map. xD

Haha!!! xDDDD Yeah, imaginative alright! I think I wrote it originally intending to give a figure, but like that bibarel I didn't really know. xD So it was kinda a mockery of both me and him. xD

xDDD Actually, again that was something I typed but realised it myself, so Dusty said what I was thinking...and what I realised. xDDDD

Thank you! 8D Yeah, the way I see it Dusty was way too focused and she couldn't back down while she was on the ship, because of how serious the situation was, but now that she's off it and has had time to think about the awful things that happened not only to the innocent pokemon, but to everyone she helped faint or...kill as well. I'll go more into that during the next few chapters. x)

xD Yeah! Yeah, you're right--she kinda had to. And I don't think Zhol would have been very happy with her if she'd have left, since her colony and theirs are friends and all. And also, since a deal was made Dusty kinda wanted to get it over and done with and she knew she'd be let go without a hassle...not that she isn't familiar with hassles. xD Yeah! I was actually having trouble figuring out a solution myself, but when I tried to think how Zhol would it all came together and I came up with something. xD
o: Yeah, I thought her appearance might be a surprise. x) xD Well they didn't have time! Thanks, haha, she sure hates water a lot. xD Yeah...but they must be pretty terrible memories. D:

:DDD I can't wait to write about him! So close. xD

Thanks for reading! ^v^ *megaglomps*

~Flareon.
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Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 04-08-2010 at 10:51 AM.
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