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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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Old 09-10-2010, 03:51 AM
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Default A New Pokémon Journey Begins (Ready to Grade)

Attempting:
Capture Meowth (10-20K)
Characters:
12,561

~~~~~
“Crystal, dear, will you please come down here?” a voice softly called from the first floor of a two-story house.

“I’ll be down in a moment, Mother,” replied the young teenager from her room on the second floor.

Crystal was in front of her mirror, which hung on the wall opposite of her door. Her room was small, about a twelve by fourteen foot room. If you were to walk in through the door from the hallway, you’d find a bed, freshly made to her right. The forest green cover lay smooth against the mattress, which was covered in black sheets. The two snow-white pillows were also covered in black covers to match the sheets. On the wall by the bed was a poster showing all one-hundred and fifty-one Pokémon of the Kanto region. Opposite of the bed on the other wall was a window that when you looked out you would see the field that was the back yard. Scattering the field were many different types of Pokémon like the normal-type Wild Bull Pokémon Tauros or the docile fire-type Fire Horse Pokémon Rapidash. Next to the mirror was a door that leads to a simple closet, and opposite the door was a dresser against the wall near the door that lead out. It may have been a small room, but Crystal liked it.

Crystal looked herself over in the mirror. She wore a simple black tank top with denim shorts and tan colored hiking boots. She pulled her sapphire blue hair back into a ponytail and then placed her forest green jacket on, following her forest green baseball cap. She finished the outfit with a pair of black fingerless gloves before quickly jogging out of her room and down the flight of stairs, passing some white doors that led to other bedrooms or a bathroom. At the bottom of the stairs stood an older woman with fading blue hair and green eyes. This woman was Crystal’s mother, Cathleen. Her attire consisted of a pastel pink dress shirt and a blank pencil skirt that reached just above her knees.

“Are you ready to meet Professor Oak?” Cathleen asked her middle child.

Crystal nodded. “Yep, I sure am. I hope I get there early enough to get the Pokémon I want,” she said with enthusiasm.

“And which Pokémon would that be, dear?”

“I’m wanting the fire-type Charmander, the Lizard Pokémon.”

Cathleen gave her daughter a confused look. “But dear, your older sister chose the water-type starter. I thought you would pick the grass-type Bulbasaur to have at least type advantage against her when you battled.”

Crystal smiled and shook her head side to side. “No. Battles aren’t all about type advantages. Besides, her Squirtle is already a Blastoise, so either way I wouldn’t have a chance against her now. She has five more years experience over me. Also, I want to challenge myself with raising a fire-type. I’ve heard they are harder to train than a grass-type.”

Cathleen smiled and nodded. She was proud of her daughter for making the decisions she was. She handed Crystal a shoulder bag filled with supplies she would need, like some extra clothes and a small medical kit. There was also a small amount of food and some cash. Cathleen walked Crystal out to the front door and leaned against the door frame, just like she had done with her oldest daughter. She had a third daughter, but she had slept in. It was also extremely early to where it was still dark outside. Even in the pale light the white picket fence was visible that surrounded the front yard. Crystal had walked over to it and jumped over the gate instead of opening it. She gave one last glance to her mother before waving and running towards Professor Oak’s laboratory.

It didn’t take the young trainer long to travel down the dirt path in order to get to the hill Professor Oak’s laboratory was located at. She took a moment to observe the scene before her. There was an iron gate in front of her, left open for new trainers, and then a stone stairway leading up to the building. It was light in color, possibly a pale white, with a red roof. Behind the lab was a windmill, slowly turning due to the light breeze that the cool morning air gave off. By this time the sun started to rise, turning the dark sky a nice shade of blue with its golden rays. She smiled as she saw different woodland Pokémon running around in the bushes that lined the stairway as she walked up to the building.

I wonder if this is what my older sister felt like when she came to get her Squirtle, Crystal thought.

She loved her older sister, but for a while now she has been living in her shadow. Keynoma had become a trainer before her, since she was five years older than the middle sibling, and even in the beginning she was showing how promising she was to be an elite trainer. Crystal looked up to her back when she was younger, and now she wanted to surpass Keynoma. She knows that her sister’s strongest Pokémon were her unnatural colored Blastoise and her unnatural colored Ninetails. She grew up with the Fox Pokémon before she had went to Professor Oak for the Tiny Turtle Pokémon, having come home to show Crystal the Squirtle and retrieving the at the time Vulpix before setting off on her journey.

Crystal blinked for a second and realized she was right in front of the door leading into the lab. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and memories of her sister leaving so she could focus on the task she was currently doing. With a deep breath she knocked on the door. A moment later, an older gentleman opened the door. He had a friendly smile on his face when he saw the young trainer. He had light gray hair, caring eyes, a white lab coat, and brown pants. Crystal knew that this was Professor Oak.

“Well, you must be Crystal. It seems like yesterday your sister was here, requesting her first Pokémon,” Professor Oak greeted.

Crystal nodded. In truth she didn’t want to hear or think about Keynoma at the moment. This was her time, not her sister’s. She had her time five years ago. Even though she wasn’t in such a good mood, the young girl kept a smile on her face.

Professor Oak then led Crystal to the room where he had the starters’ PokéBalls. All three were resting on a table in the middle of a room, each with a different symbol. Oak had explained that the symbols represent the different Pokémon. The leaf symbol was for the Seed Pokémon Bulbasaur, the fire symbol was for the Lizard Pokémon Charmander, and the water droplet symbol was for the Tiny Turtle Pokémon Squirtle.

After that he told her to pick whichever one she wanted. With a nod, she went over to the table and picked up the Charmander’s PokéBall. She turned around and pressed the button on the red and white sphere. It parted and a white light shot out. A foot in front of the blue-haired girl, the light took form of a lizard that stood on its hind legs. When the light faded, the trainer’s eyes widened. She expected to see an orange lizard with green eyes, but before her was a yellow Charmander with sky blue eyes. She turned to the professor, confusion written on her face.

“He was a rare find, and I was sure you’d be the first one here. I’m sure everyone thought you would choose the grass-type, but I had a feeling you would want a fire-type instead. I know that this Charmander will be in good hands with you, Crystal,” Oak said.

Crystal gave a small nod and looked down at the fire starter. It looked up at her with big blue eyes. She smiled and kneeled down before it. The Charmander took a few steps forward and rested its small hands on Crystal’s left knee, smiling up at her as it lightly wagged its fire tipped tail. Crystal then placed a gentle hand on top of its head, lightly stroking the smooth skin. It was warm to the touch, but not overwhelming.

“What do you say, little guy? Want to go on a journey with me?” Crystal asked.

The Charmander’s smile widened before it nodded. He then crawled up on Crystal’s leg. She lightly chuckled before she wrapped her arms around the small, yellow fire-type and standing back up. Oak nodded his approval.

“Are you going to give him a nickname?”

Crystal thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. “Yes. I want to call him Blitz,” she replied.

After that, Professor Oak gave Crystal six PokéBalls, one of them being Blitz’s, and a PokéDex. By this time Blitz was hanging onto Crystal’s left shoulder, his feet on her back to keep him up as his trainer left the laboratory. When they had gotten outside, the whole place was starting to become busy with life. Crystal saw people starting to make their daily rounds after she passed the gate. She smiled to herself as Blitz looked around, not having seen what it was like outside the laboratory.

I bet Keynoma was this excited and nervous at the same time… I really need to stop thinking about her. I’ll become strong like her, and then even stronger. It won’t be long now until I finally leave her shadow and make myself known, Crystal thought with a newfound determination.

She then turned on her head to head out of Pallet Town, not wanting to linger around any longer. She was afraid that if she stalled too long she wouldn’t want to head out. However, she didn’t get far before she heard a meow. Turning to look over her right shoulder, she saw a tan fur ball heading towards her. Looking closely she saw that it had black trimmed ears, brown hind paws, brown tipped curled tail, three thick whiskers, and a gold coin on its forehead. Crystal then recognized that it was the female Meowth she grew up with. Now she was questioning on leaving or not. This Scratch Cat Pokémon was her childhood friend, especially when Keynoma had left.

Meowth caught up to Crystal and looked up at her, slightly panting. Crystal kneeled down in front of the cat-like Pokémon, Blitz jumping off of her left shoulder to greet the normal-type. Crystal half smiled at Meowth, not sure whether or not if she could take the normal-type with her. But the Scratch Cat looked determined, and the trainer admired that.

“Meowth, I don’t know if I can let you come along,” Crystal said.

Meowth shook her head, not liking that answer. Blitz looked up at his new trainer, curious of what she was going to do. The Charmander’s attention then turned to the Meowth, who was trying to communicate with Crystal. Even though the trainer didn’t understand exactly what she was saying, Crystal had an idea.

“Alright, Meowth. I’ll take you, but on one condition. You battle Blitz so I can get an understanding of both of your strengths.”

Meowth nodded, and when Crystal looked at Blitz, he also gave her a nod. With a new smile, Crystal stood up as Meowth ran a few feet away before turning back to her human companion and the fire starter. Meowth lowered her head as Blitz now stood in front of his trainer, awaiting her to give him an attack. But it was the feline Pokémon who made the first move, running up to the Lizard Pokémon with claws extending, using Scratch.

“Dodge it, Blitz, then use Scratch,” Crystal said.

The yellow Charmander obeyed, just barely dodging the cat’s claws. He then swiped, sending Meowth back a few feet. She just shook the attack off before staring at Blitz.

“Now, use Ember.”

Blitz parted his jaws and let little orange fireballs shoot out of his mouth. Meowth attempted a dodge, but was hit by the majority. Blitz took the opportunity to run up to the normal-type and again use Scratch. Meowth had also used the same move, but her hit was lighter since the Charmander’s attack hit first. After the two Pokémon separated, Crystal could tell that Meowth had taken more damage than Blitz. Sure, the battle was short, but the length of a battle wasn’t the most important thing.

“Alright then, now to see if Meowth will stay in a PokéBall,” Crystal said to herself.

She pulled out an empty PokéBall from her pocket and pressed the button, making the sphere larger. She then turned to the panting Meowth. She still saw how determined Meowth was, but she didn’t have much battle experience which is probably why she doesn’t yet have the stamina needed for a lengthy battle. Blitz was also lightly panting, but not as hard as the normal-type. Crystal then threw the red and white sphere at the Scratch Cat Pokémon, and when it hit a red light shot out and engulfed Meowth. A second later, the light was sucked back into the PokéBall, taking the female Pokémon with it. As the sphere started to shake, Crystal hoped that Meowth would stay in it so that neither Pokémon had to continue the battle. Besides, Meowth wanted to join the team, so she didn’t think that the feline Pokémon would put up too much of a fight. Both Crystal and Blitz watched as the PokéBall continued to shake on the ground, waiting to see if it was a successful capture or not.
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Last edited by CM; 09-23-2010 at 02:50 AM.
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  #2  
Old 09-26-2010, 05:45 PM
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Default Re: A New Pokémon Journey Begins (Ready to Grade)

I hereby claim this story for grading.
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  #3  
Old 09-26-2010, 06:26 PM
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Default Re: A New Pokémon Journey Begins (Ready to Grade)

Introduction
Your introduction is a nice beginning to the story, giving a detailed picture of Crystal’s house. You used a nice selection of words to describe the scene.
Quote:
The two snow-white pillows
is a nice example of the selection of words you used for the introduction to your story. The pillows were snow-white allows the reader to picture a pair of pillows white as snow sat on a bed. If you had merely said the white pillows, then people would of pictured dirty white pillows, pillows with a slight grey tint to them, so on of all the shades that white has to offer.

All in all, I enjoyed the Introduction, and it sucked me into the story, making me feel as if I were in the room, seeing all the scenery for myself.

Plot
The Plot in my view, was quite plain. The usual trainer goes to get a Pokemon from the Professor, however the way you introduce the Pokemon you are going to happen was, in my view, original. Keep in mind that the plot needs to be original as there have been countless stories of trainer gets Pokemon, goes to woods, fights, tries to catch Pokemon.

However, saying that, all in all the plot was quite nice, if a tad unoriginal. As I have said, the Meowth bit, where it was your childhood friend etc. was a nice twist. To improve on your plot, you could try and think up an original event instead of trainer goes to lab, gets pokemon, leaves, battles Pokemon.

Dialogue
Your dialogue was nice, and I couldn’t really find any problems, apart from one really.
Quote:
Crystal nodded. “Yep, I sure am. I hope I get there early enough to get the Pokemon I want,” she said with enthusiasm.
though has nothing wrong with the dialogue, how it was set with the non dialogue was wrong. It could possibly of been written as
Quote:
Crystal nodded in response to her mother.
“Yep, I sure am. I hope I get there early enough to get the Pokemon I want, she said with enthusiasm.
Grammar
Your usage of grammar was good, and I couldn’t really find any miss-usage of grammar. It is quite hard to find a story that has hardly, if any mistakes, and I applaud you for it. After reading through the story several times, I can honestly say, that in my view, that there are no grammatical mistakes, however, I might of missed them, but that is a slim might.

All in all, I liked your usage of your grammar, continue the good work, well done. If you want to improve your grammar, if need be, then try and use more detailed or exquisite words such as
Quote:
conspicuous
or
Quote:
flamboyant
in the place of their counterparts
Quote:
obvious
and
Quote:
strikingly bold
.

Detail
The usage of detail in your story was remarkable, and I enjoyed reading the story thanks greatly to the usage of detail. The detail in the introduction was eye-catching, and pulled me into the story, allowing me to delve into the inner workings of the story, and made me feel as if I were actually there, surveying the events unfold, rather than from afar.

Usage of elements to describe colours are good, such as
Quote:
snow-white pillows
help paint a picture for the reader, granting them the opportunity to imagine your story as you see it.

All in all, your detail was delightful, and I can’t wait to read more of your stories.

Battle
The battle was a little short for my liking, and I feel you could of gone into greater depth of the battle, giving the reader a chance to get the feel of the battle, understand the two Pokemon, feel the emotions as if they were their own. Though the battle was short, the detail you used in the battle was nice. I would of liked to see a few more attacks flying at each other and whatnot, but that is me personally, I prefer to see a drawn out, hard fought battle, but not too long where the story is boring, but long enough so the reader can’t wait for you to pull out the next twist.

Length
The length of the story was within the range of the requirement to capture a Meowth. What more can I say? Apart from, next story, try and aim for the upper half of the character limit, push yourself just that little bit further, allow your mind to flourish, and who knows what lies in store.

Spoiler:
Outcome
The story was quite interesting to read. I liked it. With improvement the story could, in my view, become one of the best stories that is on offer here, however that is not to say that the story was not good. The plot, sadly, was a tad unoriginal, but the appearance of the Meowth was original. All in all, nice story, met the character limit, battle a bit short in my opinion and a tiny bit one sided, but all in all good. I can happily say that Meowth Captured
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