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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 10-01-2010, 09:42 PM
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Default The War for Axian I

The land of Axian is ruled by the grand Azaruth family, but a feud has been growing within the Azaruth family, and this feud has been brewing for a long time. What will happen to the fair land of Axian when the two armies of disagreeing Azaruth siblings clash, in a fiery fight to the death?

http://img837.imageshack.us/img837/5927/mapuy.jpg
The land of Axian, now ruled by its twenty first King. The sibling of the current King was older, and therefore in his own eyes the true ruler, and disappeared. Now, he has returned and chaos has erupted upon the land of Axian.
http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/4052/heavenp.jpg
Aviation, the heavenly realm of death, Peaceful, tranquil, a safe haven from the chaos of Axian.
http://img638.imageshack.us/img638/3497/hellcg.jpg
Styx, the hellish realm of death. Horror-filled, chaotic, worse than the chaos that Axian has now been thrown into.

Now begins the tale of The War of Axian I, portrayed from the views of the Royalists side in this fateful war.

Chapter 1-The Beginning of the War
Royalists
Kopos City

A large Tyranitar frowned, leaning forward into the light of the lone bulb hanging from the ceiling. The Tyranitar’s golden armour gleamed from the beam of the bulb, the Tyranitar’s helmet sat on the maroon table. A large scar ran along the Tyranitar’s face, its red eyes glowing defiantly in the room, scanning the surroundings.

“Commander, the Separatists have heavy support throughout the land. We must quell this uprising before it becomes much worse.” A Sneasel clad in silver armour exclaimed, the Tyranitar nodding at the Sneasel.

“I have to hand it to my brother. He sure knows how to command an army, but I will crush him for his defiance to the rightful ownership of the land,” the Tyranitar growled, slamming a fist onto the table. “We need to formulate a strike plan. Show the Separatists that we mean business, and that we are not to be underestimated, even if they have had many victories already.”

“King Keiru, what do you have planned?” the Sneasel asked, looking across the table at the Tyranitar.

A smile arose on Keiru’s face, growing into a smirk as a laugh escaped him. He pointed calmly to the map.

“We will land in multiple locations across the coast, hit them hard, and fast.” Keiru explained. “Organise the fleet, for we leave within the day. If we launch our precision strikes firmly enough, and rapidly enough, they won’t know what hit them, and the coast will not be able to withstand our ferocity in combat.”

Keiru moved to grab his helmet, and picked it up swiftly, placing it over his head. He was a fearsome sight, and he stared calmly out of the helmet, gazing at the other occupants of the room.

“Move out, we march against the Separatists.” Keiru exclaimed, and the strategists rushed out of the room, preparations about to mount.

Keiru left the small lit room, the sunlight cascading down upon him as he left the small building that was a temporary headquarters for the Royalists frontline whilst they regrouped their forces from their heavy losses across Amatian. Keiru looked around the wondrous city, a smile exploding on his face as he saw the sheer amount of troops amassed for this assault.

The city centre was packed to the brim with the Pokemon forces, eager to get back at the Separatists for the devastation they struck the Royalist forces in Amatian. A bulky Garchomp approached Keiru, bowing its head slightly in respect to the royal title that Keiru held.

“Sire, preparations are complete,” the Garchomp smiled. “We await your orders to move out.”

Keiru took a moment to take in the surroundings, the skyscrapers of Kopos rising high into the sky, the sheer mass of Pokemon clearly visible from his position, the numbers spreading as far as the eye could see. Keiru looked at the Garchomp.

“We move out. Fleet One will land west of Plainview City. Fleet Two will land west of Korran Metropolis. Main Fleet will land at Beachead City, and Fleet Three will land west of Shida Metropolis.” Keiru ordered. “Let’s go!”

The mass of Pokemon broke apart, heading towards the dock. Keiru led the march, smiling as they neared the enormous array of ships prepared for this large operation. His flagship, the ARS Keiru was a Super-Yamato Class warship, stood proudly in the midst of the fleet, and was by far the largest of the ships, double the size of the only other Super-Yamato Class warship in the Royalist armada. Keiru turned to look at the mass of Pokemon.

“It is time we show the Separatists that they are foolish to of even considered rising against the royal line.” Keiru shouted. “To the ships!”

Keiru stepped onto his flagship, glancing back as the Pokemon spread out onto the ships. The dock was massive, and Pokemon were streaming from every entrance to the dock, marching onto the ships. Once the last Pokemon was on, the fleet mobilised, the fleet splitting into four groups, heading for their designated targets. The ARS Keiru led the task group towards Beachead City, numbering fifty ships.

Keiru stood at the very front of the flagship, gazing out to sea as the Super-Yamato Class warship smashed through the water, streaming quickly through the calm sea. Keiru stared calmly ahead, the outline of Beachead City just in the distance. Keiru turned his head to look at a Lucario half his height approaching him.

“Sire, surely it would have been smarter to strike at one point and spread our forces out after making landfall?” the Lucario asked.

“And give the Separatists time to react to our assault?” Keiru asked, a small laugh escaping him. “It would be quite insane to even consider landing our entire force at one point and spreading out. Hitting four separate points, key cities on the west coast of Amatian, gives us an advantage over the Separatists as we will be able to seize the cities with hardly any losses if all goes to plan.”

The Lucario nodded at Keiru’s reply, a sigh escaping the blue-furred Pokemon’s mouth. The Lucario nodded at Keiru, leaving him standing at the front of the ship on his own. Keiru looked up into the sky, examining the sky. It was mostly clear, the sky a blazing cobalt blue, a few stray snow-white clouds streaming across the sky. A smile erupted on Keiru’s face, the weather was good, and the signs were looking good to Keiru. This operation was going to be a success.

Beachead City was fast approaching, the calm of the city laughable to Keiru. The city had, according to his scouts, welcomed the Separatists with open arms once Keiru had been evacuated back to Viraxian. If they were going to betray the Royalists, then Keiru would of preferred it if they had done so whilst he was there, not after he had escaped.

“Sire, we are in firing range!” a voice called from behind him, and Keiru turned to see a small Raichu poking its head round the side of a artillery battery.

“Open fire!” Keiru bellowed. “Show them no mercy!”

Fiery noise erupted from the fleet, the noise ear-splitting, booming enormously. Smoke swirled into the air from the guns as the shells were expended from them. The shells screamed through the air silently, the city of Beachead oblivious to the barrage about to hit. Keiru watched calmly as flames smashed Beachead, shells crashing into buildings across the city. A smoke cloud rose into the air as the second wave of fire blasted, quickly followed by the third.

The ARS Keiru was the first ship to arrive at the dock of Beachead City, Keiru drawing his gleaming golden jagged sword and leapt off the ship, a roar erupting from him as shells flew overhead. The landing bay of the ship lowered down, the ramp lowering with a thud as it stopped on the concrete of the dock. T-34 Tanks streamed off the ship, rumbling across the concrete dock, the Royalist troops marching forward.

Keiru gazed to his flanks, spotting the other five landing ships having made landfall, dispersing their troops. The rest of Main Fleet was sat off the dock, bombarding the inner city with the shells, delving the city into chaos. Keiru’s head snapped as an explosion erupted to his right, and he glanced over to see flames billowing from one of the landing ships, a grimace rising on his face as he realised Separatist artillery was retaliating.

“We need to find their artillery and take it out before they destroy our landing ships! The other ships aren’t made for holding the sheer size of our attack force!” Keiru bellowed, charging forward.

Keiru charged past the T-34s, his sword held high as he stomped towards the line of Separatist troops running to stop the Royalist advance. Pokemon streamed behind him, the T-34s opening fire, the machine guns rat-a-tat recognisable as always as they spewed bullets into the Separatist bodies. The battle for Beachead had just begun, and already it was fiery as Keiru slammed his shoulder into a Nidoking, swinging his sword straight through the Nidoking’s shoulder, the arm dropping to the floor, the Nidoking collapsing to the ground, screaming in pain as Keiru went on to the next target.
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  #2  
Old 10-02-2010, 04:55 PM
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Default Re: The War for Axian I

Chapter 2- The Attack on Beachead City

Royalists
Beachead City, Amatian


The air crackled with the fiery onslaught from the Royalists fleet. The Royalist advance was crushing the Separatist defence with ease. Bodies crumpled to the floor as the war-hardened Royalists clashed in their melee combat with the Separatist soldiers. Keiru was at the head of the attack, slashing his sword forward, cutting down anything in his way. Something flew overhead, and an explosion rocked behind Keiru, splattering debris everywhere.

Keiru glanced backwards, the scorching carcass of a Royalist Tank lay on the road, Keiru cursing under his breath as he swung his sword back round, slashing through a Lucario's torso. Keiru narrowed his eyes at the sight of a large Venusaur with a tank cannon much like a T-34's attached to its back, and dived to the ground as a shell flew in his direction. A cry of pain erupted behind him, and he saw five soldiers crash to the ground, wounded heavily by the Venusaur. Keiru leapt back into action, charging forward, his sword held in front of him as he leapt over a Blaziken, slashing the weapon-wielding arm of the Pokemon, and landed behind the Blaziken, continuing his charge at the Venusaur.

Though Keiru was a Tyranitar, he was by far a heavily more agile one, having trained constantly, day after day, to harness agility. His speed was now amazing, and he was capable of doing jumps that Blazikens, or other agile Pokemon could. Keiru smiled as the Venusaur hadn't seemed to notice him, but his smile dropped when he glanced to his left and saw a Machamp wielding a large scythe, and was swinging it towards him. Keiru leant backwards, skidding across the ground on his knees, the scythe skimming just over his body, and a slight sigh escaped his throat as he shot back to his feet, and jumped towards the Venusaur.

The Venusaur moved, shock on its face as Keiru leapt at it, and he slashed the sword down, the Venusaur's face forever stuck with shock on its face, as the head dropped to the floor, blood erupting from the Venusaur's severed neck. The Venusaur collapsed onto its side, a shell coursing out of the arnament on its back, sending the shell into the ranks of Separatist troops. The Machamp that had tried to kill Keiru was caught in the blast, and was thrown to the ground near Keiru, who smirked, bringing the sword down upon the Machamp, not reacting as the Machamp was slain. Keiru gazed back at the battle, watching as two more artillery shells slammed into the dock. One of the landing boats erupted in flames, metal debris exploding into the air, cutting into the bodies of Pokemon near the boat.

The battle was still in the Royalists favour, however they had just been severely hindered by the destruction of one of the landing boats. The fight would, if they didn't act fast, turn around, and the Royalists would be the ones losing. Keiru frowned, watching the evenly matched fight in the street play out, contemplating whether to support his troops, or to take out the artillery, and allow the rest of the forces to spread out from the boats. Keiru quickly made his choice, charging down the road, away from the battle, heading further into the city as more fire from the Royalist fleet cascading upon the city. Keiru glanced into the air as he saw a shell cascading from the direction he was heading, flying towards the dock, and knew this had to be where the artillery was. Keiru ducked into an alleyway on his right, narrowly avoiding a Separatist platoon which was rushing towards the dock in an effort to suppress the Royalist assault.

Keiru ran down the alley, taking a rapid left, and stopped on the entrance of a large clearing, where ten Venusaur were positioned, guarded by their own battalion of Separatist Pokemon, array of melee weapons in hand. Keiru growled softly, cursing the holy Pokemon Gods. He sighed, shrugging his shoulders, and charged out into the clearing. Suddenly, a cobalt blue ball burst through the air, slamming into a Separatist soldier, throwing them to the floor. Keiru glanced in the direction of the ball, and his eyes widened as five Lucario landed around Keiru, their cloaks blowing in the wind.

"Milord, we have awaited your return to Amatian, and we will aid thee in your conquest to reattain your land." the lead Lucario stated, placing a small blue crystal in Keiru's empty hand. "This will allow you to use the powers we unleash. We unleash them without the need for the crystals, but we developed the crystals for non-Lucarios to be able to use."

Keiru muttered his thanks, turning round rapidly as the Separatist troops swarmed towards Keiru and the Lucario. Keiru glanced at his sword, spotting a small indent in the hilt, and glanced at the crystal, before placing it into the indent. Keiru's sword erupted as a blue aura enveloped the sword, a burst of blue energy blasting forwards from the sword, vaporising a dozen Separatist Pokemon. The Venusaurs were still oblivious to the attack, or were busy doing their designated task which was to bombard the dock with the shells. The Lucario moved into action, drawing longswords with the Azaruth royal insignia on them, and charged forward, firing Aura Spheres into the midst of the enemy, leaping into action.

Keiru ran forward, cutting through the flesh of a Tyranitar, watching as it dropped to the floor, and leapt over a Hitmonlee. Landing behind the Hitmonlee, he slashed the sword backwards, twirling round to block the slash of a Heracross, sending the sword scattering, smiling as the sword was flung from the hands of the Heracross, and slammed through the skull of a Separatist Hitmonchan, and smiled as it fell to the floor. Thrusting the sword forward, it pierced the shell of the Heracross, a murky green liquid seeping out of the Heracross' wound, and Keiru pulled the sword out of the Heracross, and kicked it to the ground.

Keiru glanced over to his left, spotting the Lucario cutting through the Separatists with ease. Keiru dodged the swing of a large halberd-wielding Blastoise, and swung his sword upwards, splintering the halberd, and in his free hand grabbed the front of the halberd, flinging it at the Blastoise. Keiru watched the halberd easily pierce the Blastoise's hard skin, and watched as the Blastoise fell backwards, landing with a thud. Keiru ran forward, jumping off the dying Blastoise, and landed on the head of a Venusaur. Keiru slashed his sword through the cannon on the top of the Venusaur, and sheathed his sword, and placed his hands on either side of the cannon, and clenched his muscles. He lifted the cannon up, and aimed it at the nearest Venusaur, putting some of the weight of the cannon onto his leg as he knelt, and slammed his now free hand onto the back of the cannon.

A shell erupted from the cannon, and pierced right through the Venusaur's skin, slamming into the Venusaur to the left of the one Keiru had aimed at, and exploded. Flames swirled past Keiru, engulfing him and the artillery Venusaur. When the fire subsided, Keiru was stood behind a now dead Venusaur, turned onto its side to block the blast. The rest of the Venusaur were all dead, and a smile rose on Keiru's face as he looked over to see the Separatists all dead, and the Lucario still standing, walking over to join the Lucario. The Lucario all bowed their heads at Keiru's approach, and he bowed his head back at them.

"Sire, what are your commands?" the lead Lucario asked, stepping forward, as more Pokemon came out of the darkness, all bowing their heads at Keiru. "We are all at your call."

"Without the artillery the Separatists had, our landing forces will be able to advance more quickly, with more Pokemon supporting the advance." Keiru smiled. "You shall accompany me on my advance through the city. We must try and gather more support, I don't know how large the Separatist force is here in Beachead."

"At your command Sire." the lead Lucario replied calmly. "There was large uproar over the surrender of this city, and I organised a resistance cell, splintering the Separatist operations."

"I need a task force to hit the communication outpost five blocks from here, whilst I lead the main force to attack the city center, hopefully drawing a large majority of the Separatist forces into the city center whilst you take over the comm outpost." Keiru stated. "At the same time, we need a task force to hit the tech facility located two blocks from the city center, and recover our documents concerning prototype armored vehicles."

"You eight head to the comm outpost, you ten go to the tech facility. The rest, accompany King Keiru on the advance to the city center. Let's go." the lead Lucario shouted.

Keiru led the group onto an open street, glancing left, a smile rising on Keiru's face at the sight of Royalist Pokemon marching towards him, the T-34s in the midst of them. A large Buizel stood at the front, bowing at Keiru.

"Sire, our forces in the north of the city have hit a large resistance as Separatists have holed up in a building, mounted weapons pinning down our forces. In the south the attack has hit a roadblock, literally. The armor can't press on as the roadblock consists of material that our T-34s can't destroy the barricades." the Buizel frowned.

"We must continue the push to the city center. Order the infantry in the south to continue on their own, and bring the armor to support the north, they could use the armor support." Keiru commanded, to which the Buizel nodded, sending an Arcanine to deliver the message. "Now, let's go, follow me."

Keiru span round, leading the large river of troops towards the city center. Keiru's mind was filled with thoughts, scenarios playing through his head over what could happen. The battle that would erupt in the city center would ultimately decide the course of the siege of Beachead City, however, the occupation of the tech facility and comm outpost would aid further battles greatly. Hopefully, the forces in the north and south would be able to press on, and rendevous with his force in the city center, and thereby win the battle. Keiru grimaced, a small sigh escaping him.
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  #3  
Old 10-02-2010, 10:46 PM
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Default Re: The War for Axian I

Chapter 3- The Siege Becomes Interesting

Keiru
Royalists
Beachead City, Amatian


The march to the city center was a short one, and Keiru felt slightly relieved as his troops poured into the city center. The relief turned to horror as cannon fire shredded the air, debris splattering over him. Keiru ran forward, diving behind the cover of an abandoned car, and glanced over the top, spotting a horde of cannon-mounted Venusaur in a large formation of three lines, ten in each line, bombarding the Royalist advance into the city center. This was going to be suicide. A loud crack shuddered the air, and Keiru watched in horror as a building crumbled to the ground, exploding, spewing flames over a chunk of his force, their burning carcasses dropping to the floor, howling in pain. He winced, offering a small prayer at their deaths as the T-34s rolled into the city center, the machine guns rat-a-tat exploding in Keiru's ears.

The bullets shredded through the skin of severa Venusaurs, and two of them collapsed, however, before the T-34s could get off a second barrage, the Venusaurs opened fire on them, consuming the Royalist tanks in flames, causing Keiru to curse himself under his breath. If those Venusaurs weren't decimated quickly, then they were totally screwed. Keiru had no idea how many of his troops had just died from two barrages, and he didn't want to risk any more. Just as he was about to charge out, he saw a Pikachu leap off a building, landing on top of a Venusaur, and watched as the Pikachu slashed a sword that was about its height through the head of the Venusaur. Several more Pokemon leapt down, swarming the Separatist cannons, and allowing the Royalist forces to press into the city center. Now, the battle would officially begin, as Separatist troops poured out of buildings, weapons drawn, and charged into combat against the Royalist troops.

Keiru jumped over the car, cutting a Nidoqueen in half, and shoulderbarged into a Rhydon, knocking it to the floor, headbutting it, knocking it out, or killing it. Keiru dived off the Rhydon as an Emboar slammed a battleaxe down where Keiru had just been, and swung for him again, however he slid under the arc of the battleaxe, and jabbed his sword through the gut of the Emboar, and watched as the Emboar fell onto its knees, staring at him. He felt no sorrow as he swiped the sword through the neck of the Emboar, decapitating it, and continued on his run towards the Pikachu. Keiru's eyes widened as three Tyranitar cut through the Pokemon accompanying the Pikachu, and cornered it. He wasn't going to make it in time. Sorrow filled him instantly. The Pikachu had effectively saved his force's lives, and he could not return the favour. However, his eyes widened in absolute shock as the Pikachu disarmed the three Tyranitar, and proceeded to cut them all down in the blink of an eye. Keiru smiled as he reached the Pikachu, nodding at the Pikachu.

"You fight well Pikachu." Keiru stated. "I thank you for assisting my unit's assault on the city center."

"The thanks is not needed Sire, I was merely doing my duty for the ruler of this fair land." the Pikachu bowed its head. "My name is Juno."

Keiru smiled, offering a laugh, and placed a hand on Juno's shoulder, patting him softly, before glancing back at the battle.

"Well Juno, I would officially like to welcome you to the Royal army. Now, let us go and secure the city center." Keiru smiled, running back towards the battle, alongside Juno.

Keiru glanced into the sky, as a fiery inferno rained down upon the city of Beachead as the naval bombardment picked up, focusing fire on the center of the city. A shell ripped right through a building, slamming into the ground near Keiru, and sent him sprawling to the ground. Keiru felt somebody trying to pick him up, and he saw that it was Juno, and muttered a thanks as he pulled himself back up, swinging his sword at the nearest Separatist soldier who tried to attack him. The Charmeleon dropped to the floor, a gaping hole shredded into its chest.

"Sire, are you alright?" Juno asked, to which Keiru offered a nod. "If the naval bombardment continues, they might hit us."

"If they relent, that will allow the Separatists to reorganise. Though it may cost our side lives, we will disorganise the Separatist forces, give us an advantage over them." Keiru replied, his eyes widening as a large centipede like dragon came lumbering out of an alleyway. "What the heck is that?"

The centipede-dragon unleashed a torrent of flames, which slammed into the Royalist ranks, sending several Pokemon to the floor, patting at the flames, yelling in pain.

"That's an Ononokusu." Keiru gasped, finally realising what it was. "It's a devastating beast on the battlefield, its thick skin nearly indestructable. Swords will have no effect on it."

"Then how shall we take it down, Sire?" Juno asked, frowning.

"You distract it Juno, I have a plan." Keiru commanded, and ran in an arc towards the Ononokusu, making it look like he wasn't going after it.

Juno sighed, running towards the Ononokusu, unleashing a powerful yellow Thunderbolt upon the Ononokusu. The yellow electric bolt slammed into the centipede-dragon, the electricity surging around its body, but it shrugged it off with ease, Juno's eyes widening in shock at the Ononokusu's strength, having so easily shrugged off a Thunderbolt. Was it really an indestructable beast? Juno watched as Keiru landed on the Ononokusu's back, his sword surging with blue energy. Keiru slammed the sword into the base of the Ononokusu's neck, and smiled as the sword pierced the skin, the aura energy surging with power, allowing the blade to pierce the hard skin of the Ononokusu. Keiru shoved the sword through with all his strength, a laugh escaping him as he saw it protrude through the other side of the Ononokusu's neck, and pulled the sword out, leaping backwards off of the large centipede-dragon, and pointed his sword at the Pokemon. A surge of aura energy erupted from the blade, and crashed into the Ononokusu, enveloping it in a ocean blue surge of energy, and watched as the Ononokusu fell to the ground, motionless.

"Yes!" Keiru laughed, raising his sword into the air as Juno laughed.

Juno couldn't believe it. Keiru had actually taken down a Pokemon which was thought to be indestructable. Juno had to give it to the royal, he sure knew how to fight. Juno was brought out of his thoughts at the sound of footsteps behind him, and span round, only just managing to block the swing of a blade, and glared at the Raichu standing in front of him.

"Taros, so good to see you once more." Juno remarked, sarcasm obvious in his tone of voice.

"It is good to see you too brother." Taros replied, sarcasm clear in his voice as well.

Juno swung his sword forward, and in one graceful move managed to throw the sword out of the Raichu's grip, and grabbed the sword, thrusting it through the gut of the Raichu, which stared at him in shock, a smile growing on Juno's face as he stared the Raichu, his own brother, down.

"Farewell brother." Juno sighed, sadness in his voice and features. "I wish we had not needed to have this fight, but you sadly tried to rebel against the monarchy. I have given you mercy, as the punishment for treason is being disembowled, and your dying body cut into little pieces before you die."

Taros laughed, blood spilling out of his mouth as he stared at Juno, his brother.

"You always rambled on a bit brother." Taros coughed. "For once, you were able to best me at something. You are getting better little one."

Taros' head lulled to one side, and Juno watched as his brother crumpled into a mess on the ground. Sorrow filled him, as he knew he could of saved his brother, but his brother was too far gone in his delusions as to what the land should be like, and not accepting that Xy was a delusional bastard who had not been given the rights of King because he was unfair in his judgement, whereas Keiru was far more fair. Juno stood up, glancing back at Keiru, who was now singlehandedly taking on a Heracross, a Blaziken and a Croconaw all at once. Juno decided he would assist the King, and ran over to Keiru, cutting the flesh of the Blaziken's leg.

The Blaziken fell onto one knee, now unable to block the arc of Keiru's sword, and Juno watched as the Blaziken was slain by the blow of the sword. The Heracross, to Juno's cursing, turned round to face him, whilst the Croconaw continued its battle with Keiru. The Heracross stepped forward, laughing at Juno.

"Ya be a little one to be on this battlefield takin' us on ya 'ear?" the Heracross bellowed, the way it spoke confusing to Juno.

Juno had never heard a Pokemon speak like this Heracross had, and wondered why it was speaking so. Maybe it was upbringing. Juno was snapped out of his thoughts as the Heracross proceeded to unleash a barrage of sword swings, and Juno just barely managed to block them, as the Heracross pressed forward. Juno felt his back meet a wall, and glanced backwards for a split second to clarify the fact that a large building was now at his rear, and he had nowhere to go as the Heracross pressed the attack. Juno ducked just in time as the Heracross slammed its sword into the wall where Juno's head had just been, and watched as the Heracross struggled to pull the sword out. Juno took this opening, and thrust his sword at the weak underbelly of the Heracross, smiling as the sword ripped through the underbelly.

Juno's smile instantly dropped as the green blood of the Heracross spewed all over him, covering his yellow fur in the manky green liquid. Juno's eyes widened in shock as the Heracross was still standing, and had pulled its sword out of the wall, and was preparing to swing the sword down, and thus end Juno's life, when suddenly a sword skewered through the upper body of the Heracross, and its eyes widened in shock, as the sword disappeared back through the wound. The Heracross remained standing for several seconds, before finally crumbling to the floor, its sword landing with a clang as its eyes would forever stare at the sky, or at least until it was moved to a ditch or dump.

"Seems I now returned the favour Juno." Keiru laughed, and Juno offered a smile to the King.

Keiru looked over at the battle commencing in the city center, and grimaced beneath his helmet. The battle didn't look that good as a fresh wave of Separatist troops fell upon the Royalist troops like a river. Keiru glanced at Juno, who was watching the battle as well, the same grimace upon his face. Keiru's view dropped to his thigh as a crackling noise came from it, and spotted the radio he had, sighing. He moved his unoccupied hand to grab the radio, whilst he sheathed his sword with the other hand, and took off his helmet, moving the radio to his left ear to listen to it.

"This is One." a voice crackled over the radio. "The comm outpost is secure, the Separatist operatives here were easy to be rid of. One casualty on our side. Fifteen, a strapping Lucario. We gave Fifteen an acceptable burial outside the outpost."

The radio crackled as it was filled with silence, but burst into life again, the voice a different one now.

"Copy that One, this is Six." the new voice erupted. "Tech facility is secure. Resistance was puny, this was almost too easy. No casualties."

Keiru grimaced, and looked over at Juno, before holding out the radio. Juno looked at Keiru for several seconds, before nodding, and took the radio, attaching it to the belt around his waist which had a sword sheath attached to it.

"Once we seize this city Juno." Keiru sighed. "We must get you a bow. That sword looks so unbefitting of one so small as you."

Juno nodded, a smile forming slowly on his features, before erupting into a massive grin. Juno was good at archery, a Pokemon with remarkable precision. Juno once hit a target that was a mile away, the only Pokemon to ever do so.

"That would be good Sire." Juno bowed, his eyes moving to the arrival of the northern troops. "It seems that our reinforcements have arrived."

Keiru noticed them too, a large grin burning on his face, before glancing back at Juno. Keiru placed his helmet back upon his head, and pulled his sword once more out of its sheath, and turned to look at Juno.

"Let us finish this battle." Keiru laughed. "It is time the Separatists are crushed formidably."

Juno nodded, holding his sword ready in his hands, and the two charged forward, yelling at the top of their breath, falling into the midst of combat as the northern troops swept into the city center, coming to the aid of Keiru's unit. The Separatists were now outnumbered, and fighting on two fronts, and it was going to become worse for them as the southern unit came bursting into the city center, charging into the left flank of the Separatist troops. Keiru swung his sword through the torso of a Rhyperior, which bellowed in rage at him, the wound deep but not lifethreatening to a Pokemon such as a Rhyperior. It moved to swing its sword down upon Keiru, but Keiru managed to block the swing, and swung his sword to the side, moving the Rhyperior's sword with it, and slammed his sword right through the chest of the Rhyperior, whose eyes widened in complete shock at Keiru, whose face was filled with no emotion as he focused on the battle. The tide had hereby turned here in the city center, the Separatists now outmatched and outnumbered.
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  #4  
Old 10-03-2010, 11:10 AM
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Default Re: The War for Axian I

Okay, okay, here’s the review I promised.

Keiru’s actions and the battle that surrounds him is exceptionally well done. Great description, excellent action, and the pacing is well timed. You definitely have a strong talent for writing action and battle scenes. Keiru and Juno seem a tinge bit overpowered, especially this early in the story, but in the end, that could mean that whoever they face up against may be even stronger.

However, I couldn’t help but notice that the description you have of the setting and the environment around the characters is kind of lacking. I tried to get a picture of the kind of place where all this is happening, and its honestly pretty hard to imagine it. What happens with regards to character interactions is well done, but trying to imagine and picture the setting and world around them… isn’t so easy. I can imagine the intense battles between the Pokémon, but everything else around them feels like blackness.

Quote:
Juno's smile instantly dropped as the green blood of the Heracross spewed all over him, covering his yellow fur in the manky green liquid. Juno's eyes widened in shock as the Heracross was still standing, and had pulled its sword out of the wall, and was preparing to swing the sword down, and thus end Juno's life, when suddenly a sword skewered through the upper body of the Heracross, and its eyes widened in shock, as the sword disappeared back through the wound. The Heracross remained standing for several seconds, before finally crumbling to the floor, its sword landing with a clang as its eyes would forever stare at the sky, or at least until it was moved to a ditch or dump.
This is definitely an exceptionally written paragraph, keep this kind of thing going. You definitely know how to write well with good description when it comes to the fights and the character interactions, just try to do this for the setting as well. What does the city look like, its is clean or filthy, what do the buildings look like in terms of color, building material, and decoration, and are the streets made of stones, dirt, and so on. Besides that, you’re on the money with this.


Also, I think the story really needs more of an exposition, rather than jumping right into a battle, even though the battle was definitely good. I’ve seen some books and movies start with a battle or some kind of conflict (Gladiator and Gangs of New York) just to draw the viewer into it, but typically they’re pretty short and once that battle is over, the exposition unfolds and explains further into detail why this battle was taking place. The storyline you have so far is good, but I can see it changing in the near future. And knowing how you handle characters, I can definitely see that happening.

Its quite good though, keep it going.
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Old 10-03-2010, 04:36 PM
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Default Re: The War for Axian I

***

The once bustling skyscrapers of the sparkling city of Beachead were now scarlet red with flames, a towering inferno rising into the sky, smoke billowing into the air. A tall golden building was pierced on four levels and it began to crumble, large chunks of golden debris falling to the ground. A loud boom filled the air as the supports of the golden building creaked, the golden tint disappearing beneath a scarlet torrent of flames as another shell slammed through a support. The building cracked, the upper half of the building crumbling to the ground, spewing a dirty brown cloud high into the air as it slammed to the ground. Flames exploded into the air, a mix of scarlet and orange. Keiru watched in shock as the once grand city of Beachead was crumbling around him.

The silver buildings around him were remarkably untouched, the sun gleaming off the shiny walls of the buildings. Down on the ground level, the battle was being fought fiercly, the black bitumen splintering from the explosions. A tank shell pierced a layer of bitumen behind the Separatist lines, and a massive explosion erupted, spewing chunks of bitumen and limbs into the air. Keiru was amidst the fiery combat, fighting off a skilled Rhyperior swordsman. Keiru fought off blow after blow as the silver skinned Rhyperior slammed its sword fiercly at Keiru's, attempting to pierce his defence and end the Tyranitar's life. Keiru needed to do something or he would end up dead, this he knew. Keiru smiled when an opening presented itself. The Rhyperior went for a large overhead swing, and Keiru lunged forward, shoving his sword through the Rhyperior's belly. The Rhyperior carried on the swing of the sword, slamming it on Keiru's back. A loud clang split the air as the sword crashed into the armour, and surprisingly came off without piercing the armour, however, Keiru was thrown to the ground, slamming his face on the bitumen. Blood filled Keiru's mouth and he threw the helmet off, spitting the blood out and staggering up, glaring at the still standing Rhyperior which was laughing even though its ruby red blood was spilling out of the wound Keiru had caused.

Keiru held his sword in front of him, and braced himself for the attack of the Rhyperior, and it came down like a megaton bomb. The Rhyperior slammed its sword, sending Keiru's sword scattering to the ground. The Rhyperior swung its sword at Keiru, who ducked the arc, and before the Rhyperior could swing again, moved and hit the sword out of the Rhyperior's hands. The Rhyperior roared, slamming its fist into Keiru's chest and he bent over double, as the Rhyperior closed its hand around Keiru's throat, and lifted him off of his feet, bringing him to eye height with the Rhyperior, a smile rising on its face as it tightened its grip on Keiru's neck. Keiru felt his life escaping him, his eyes watering, the salty liquid spilling down his face as he gasped for breath. Keiru couldn't escape the strong Rhyperior's grip, and his vision was blurring, specks of black erupting in his vision. His vision returned to him suddenly as he fell towards the floor. Keiru felt a liquid splatter onto his back, and lifted his head to see a sword sticking through the neck of the Rhyperior, the scarlet blood erupting like a waterfall from the wound. The sword disappeared back through the neck, and the Rhyperior fell to the floor with a thud, Keiru squinting to see the figure standing behind the fallen Rhyperior, the yellow sunshine gleaming into his vision. The figure moved forward, holding a hand out to Keiru, who accepted it, and was lifted back onto his feet.

"Sire, are you alright?" a feminine voice asked, and Keiru's eyes widened in shock at his saviour.

Standing in front of him was a petite Lucario, about four foot tall, the chest fur a gleaming gold colour and the fur a blazing inferno of red. Keiru smiled at the Lucario, bending down to pick up his sword.

"Arala, I thank you for saving me." Keiru spoke, staring at the Lucario. "But, what are you doing here in battle? I asked you to remain in Kopos."

"I am doing my duty for King and Country." Arala replied, a laugh escaping her. "You are the King of the country, and I serve you until my dying breath."

Keiru placed a hand on Arala's shoulder, a large smile rising on his face, the smile dropping moments later as he threw Arala to the ground, and debris smashed into him, sending him sprawling to the ground. A loud roar filled the air, and heads raised to look into the sky as a once gleaming silver building was ablaze, flames spewing out of it. The building crumbled, debris flying everywhere, slamming into bodies, a plume of dust swarming around the battle in the ruined city center, the bitumen and concrete cracked and splintered, vehicles strewn across the city center, destroyed, their carcasses billowing. The building slammed into the ground, right on top of a chunk of the troops fighting in the now completely ruined city center. Keiru opened his eyes to see Arala standing over him, shock in her eyes. Keiru tried to get up, but couldn't. Arala leaned forward to lift Keiru up, and her eyes suddenly widened completely, blood splattering onto Keiru. A bellow erupted from him as the limp body of Arala fell on top of him, a Infernape stood laughing, its sword covered in blood, some of it clearly fresh.

Rage erupted inside Keiru, but he moved Arala's dead body softly off him, before leaping up, slamming his body into the Infernape, sending its scarlet coloured blade skidding across the ground, its eyes widening in shock at Keiru's fury as he slammed his fist into the Infernape's face, hearing a crunch as he splintered the Infernape's skull. The Infernape was given a bloody barrage of punchs as Keiru slammed his fist countless times into the Infernape's skull. Keiru stopped pummeling the Infernape, glaring at the messy pulp of blood, and stood up, grabbing his sword from where he had been lying on the ground, and stared with great sorrow at Arala's body. He bowed his head as he gazed at the limp Lucario, and sheathed his sword, picking up Arala's body, and walking away from the battle. He stepped onto the crisp green grass, and he looked up at a wondrous oak tree, the brown bark remarkable in this battlefield, the leaves of the tree untouched by the carnage only metres away. Moving briskly forwards, he places Arala's dead body against the oak tree, and steps back.

"Young one, your frail body shall live peacefully forever more in the land of peace. May your soul always live on, I hope I shall be able to join you once this is all over, and that my evil brother is brought to justice for his crimes." Keiru sighed. "Young Arala, ever so courageous and valiant, if only you had not been so foolish as to come here after I asked you not to."

Keiru turned to leave, glancing back at Arala's dead body, and pulled his sword back out of the sheath, running back to the midst of battle. He now had a reason to continue this fight. Arala, his friend, his beloved friend lay dead. Thanks to a Separatist scum. Keiru would not rest until the Separatists were decimated, completely destroyed. Keiru swore that he would punish his brother and his army, for Arala, for all the lives lost in the war. Keiru joined the array of fighting, slashing his sword through the neck of a Machoke. A shout rose into the air, and Keiru watched as the Separatist troops turned tail and began to retreat. Several of his troops moved to run forward.

"Halt! We've won here today! No need to continue the pursuit. We must secure the city fully. Patrols around the entire city. Order the naval bombardment to cease and the fleet to dock. We must get defences on the walls, and organise our forces to prepare for a push further into Amatian!" Keiru bellowed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The naval bombardment had stopped, and the fleet had arrived in the beaming, mostly undamaged dock. Repairs were immediately put underway to prepare the landing boats that had been damaged in the assault. Wild Pidgeot, Pokemon that retained to their true nature, refusing to talk, walk, or do what the new age of Pokemon had to offer, flew in the gleaming cobalt blue sky above, flying away from the ruined city of Beachead. The skyscrapers were heavily damaged, many of them spewing flames, massive gaping holes in them, no longer the beautiful colours they once were. Keiru stood staring at the mound in front of the oak tree, Juno standing on his right, and four other Pokemon attending the burial. Arala's body was put at rest now, in the only beautiful, untouched part of Beachead. Keiru felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked down to see Juno looking up at him, sadness on his face.

"Sire, I am sorry." Juno spoke calmly, offering a smile to Keiru.

"It is okay friend. She is in a better place now." Keiru replied, smiling back at Juno. "You know, you are a skilled fighter. I could use someone like you as a general in my army."

Juno's eyes widened in shock at Keiru's statement, and Juno was at a loss of words as to what he would say in reply to Keiru.

"Are you sure?" Juno asked. "I mean, surely you have far more experienced generals under your command, or far more skilled soldiers at your disposal? I'm just a commoner from Beachead, fighting for my nation."

"And that is why you will be a general." Keiru smiled, turning to face Juno. "You are a commoner, and you being a general will inspire the commonfolk that no matter what your background, you can aspire to great things."

Juno laughed, happiness filling him at the thoughts of leading a force, and he beamed with joy as he came to a decision.

"I happily accept the title of general from you Sire." Juno bowed. "What are your orders?"

"For a start stop calling me Sire. I am not one that likes being held higher than everyone. I prefer to be called by my name. Now on call me Keiru. We are friends, therefore there is no need for titles." Keiru smiled. "Now, I will want you to lead an army to Santian City whilst I lead my forces through Aubertian Desert and arrive to bolster our forces in Desertpoint City."

"Right away Keiru." Juno spoke. "But, where are my forces?"

"Your forces are the Pokemon here. I entrust you with the entire siege force of Beachead in your objective to take Santian City." Keiru answered. "I will meet up with the forces from Plainview City."

Juno nodded, bowing to Keiru who smiled back at him.

"Good luck General Juno." Keiru laughed, walking away. "I can't wait to hear the good news of the capture of Santian City."

Juno watched as Keiru lumbered away, his golden armour gleaming in the sunlight. The stories were true. Not only was Keiru a fierce fighter, but he was a fearsome sight on the battlefield, especially if it was sunny, as his golden armour would gleam in the sunlight, spewing the glare of the sun into his opponent's eyes. Juno let out a sigh, a smile growing on his face as the realisation filled him. He was a general. Keiru had bestowed upon him a great honor. He, a mere civilian, now a general in the King's army. Juno would make sure that he would please Keiru, by seizing Santian City quickly, and without heavy casualties. Juno promised himself that he would, and he would not let the King down.
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  #6  
Old 10-03-2010, 04:55 PM
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Default Re: The War for Axian I

Quote:
Originally Posted by Neo Pikachu View Post
Okay, okay, here’s the review I promised.

Keiru’s actions and the battle that surrounds him is exceptionally well done. Great description, excellent action, and the pacing is well timed. You definitely have a strong talent for writing action and battle scenes. Keiru and Juno seem a tinge bit overpowered, especially this early in the story, but in the end, that could mean that whoever they face up against may be even stronger.

However, I couldn’t help but notice that the description you have of the setting and the environment around the characters is kind of lacking. I tried to get a picture of the kind of place where all this is happening, and its honestly pretty hard to imagine it. What happens with regards to character interactions is well done, but trying to imagine and picture the setting and world around them… isn’t so easy. I can imagine the intense battles between the Pokémon, but everything else around them feels like blackness.



This is definitely an exceptionally written paragraph, keep this kind of thing going. You definitely know how to write well with good description when it comes to the fights and the character interactions, just try to do this for the setting as well. What does the city look like, its is clean or filthy, what do the buildings look like in terms of color, building material, and decoration, and are the streets made of stones, dirt, and so on. Besides that, you’re on the money with this.


Also, I think the story really needs more of an exposition, rather than jumping right into a battle, even though the battle was definitely good. I’ve seen some books and movies start with a battle or some kind of conflict (Gladiator and Gangs of New York) just to draw the viewer into it, but typically they’re pretty short and once that battle is over, the exposition unfolds and explains further into detail why this battle was taking place. The storyline you have so far is good, but I can see it changing in the near future. And knowing how you handle characters, I can definitely see that happening.

Its quite good though, keep it going.
I have only read chapters 1-2 so far and everything Neo said is what I got. The battle scenes are easy to picture, but the setting... meh.

Once you have that down, I think your Fan Fic will be even better than it already is. I will definitely be keeping my eye on this. Good job Kaioo, and keep up the good work.
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Old 10-04-2010, 08:17 PM
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Default Re: The War for Axian I

As promised, I'm here to check out your storyyy~

Quote:
A large Tyranitar frowned, leaning forward into the light of the lone bulb hanging from the ceiling. The Tyranitar’s golden armour gleamed from the beam of the bulb, the Tyranitar’s helmet sat on the maroon table. A large scar ran along the Tyranitar’s face, its red eyes glowing defiantly in the room, scanning the surroundings.
"Its" is a beautiful word. Use it here. XD

Quote:
“Commander, the Separatists have heavy support throughout the land. We must quell this uprising before it becomes much worse.” A Sneasel clad in silver armour exclaimed, the Tyranitar nodding at the Sneasel.
Okay, a number of problems here. One, when dialogue ends in a period and there's a "he said" or "she said"-type tag after it, the period is changed to a comma. Two, there should be a period between the bit about the Sneasel and the Tyranitar nodding to it - they're two very different ideas, and should be separated in different sentences. Three, the concept of a Separatist support system throughout the land shouldn't be news to any sort of commander. Perhaps if he had said an unexpected rise in Separatist support, then it would be understandable, but the status of the enemy (for they are clearly enemies) is usually something a commander knows about. Fourth, you need to learn to flesh out your writing a little more. Could you not have explained something about the Tyranitar, in case we as readers don't exactly remember what it looks like? Something to this effect...

Quote:
"Commander!" gasped a Sneasel as he ran into the room, the silver armor on his body clearly weighing him down. "The Separatists have suddenly collected heavy support throughout the land. We must quell this uprising before it becomes much worse!"

The Tyranitar was brought out if his thoughts, and turned around to face his soldier with a lumber suitable for a Pokémon his size. He nodded at the Ice-type, an urge to continue.
Quote:
“I have to hand it to my brother. He sure knows how to command an army, but I will crush him for his defiance to the rightful ownership of the land,” the Tyranitar growled, slamming a fist onto the table.
Just a tip that I've found: when you're using a he said-she said tag, and the dialogue is long, put the tag after the first period or comma and pick it up again afterwards. Otherwise it just looks strange.

Quote:
The city centre was packed to the brim with the Pokemon forces, eager to get back at the Separatists for the devastation they struck the Royalist forces in Amatian.
Just a note: it's usually a good idea when you use a lot of unusual teminology to sort out what it means. For example, Keiru could have made a speech to his troops, something along the lines of, "For years, the Separatists have blah blah blah, invading our blah and causing much strife to everyone in our blah blah. Today, however, we made a strike against blah de blah blah, a strike that stands for blah and the blah blah of blah..." It sets up the story and doesn't feel too forced.

Quote:
...Keiru drawing his gleaming golden jagged sword and leapt off the ship...
Let's all take a moment here to review Tyranitar anatomy. Body: long and heavy. Tail: long and heavy. Legs: short and stubby. Arms: short and stubby. I don't imagine a Tyranitar uses its arms much due to their sheer size, and somehow I doubt a sword would be much more use with that relatively weak arm than, say, their giant wrecking-ball of a tail.

Quote:
Keiru gazed to his flanks, spotting the other five landing ships having made landfall, dispersing their troops.
Be careful with your word stigma. 'Gazed' suggests calmness or serenity... somehow I doubt the middle of an invasion is calm and serene.

Quote:
Pokemon streamed behind him, the T-34s opening fire, the machine guns rat-a-tat recognisable as always as they spewed bullets into the Separatist bodies. The battle for Beachead had just begun, and already it was fiery as Keiru slammed his shoulder into a Nidoking, swinging his sword straight through the Nidoking’s shoulder, the arm dropping to the floor, the Nidoking collapsing to the ground, screaming in pain as Keiru went on to the next target.
For one thing, take it slow. That last sentence could have been separated into two or three. And second... really? I mean, that description seems pretty tasteless for lobbing off a dude's arm.



Except for the grammar bits, this seems like a pretty good story from chapter one alone. I'm not one for wartime tales, but I'll likely read some more.
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