Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

[HKim]

The Wall Street Journal recently published an article with the headline: Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.

The article, written by Yale Law Professor Amy Chua, talks about the parenting methods normally associated with Chinese mothers through a view of her own family. It is an interesting look into a culture of strict parenthood.

Despite our squeamishness about cultural stereotypes, there are tons of studies out there showing marked and quantifiable differences between Chinese and Westerners when it comes to parenting. In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that "stressing academic success is not good for children" or that "parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun." By contrast, roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way. Instead, the vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be "the best" students, that "academic achievement reflects successful parenting," and that if children did not excel at school then there was "a problem" and parents "were not doing their job." Other studies indicate that compared to Western parents, Chinese parents spend approximately 10 times as long every day drilling academic activities with their children. By contrast, Western kids are more likely to participate in sports teams.

The article, though not surprising, certainly had cringe-worthy moments:

"Get back to the piano now," I ordered.

"You can't make me."

"Oh yes, I can."

Back at the piano, Lulu made me pay. She punched, thrashed and kicked. She grabbed the music score and tore it to shreds. I taped the score back together and encased it in a plastic shield so that it could never be destroyed again. Then I hauled Lulu's dollhouse to the car and told her I'd donate it to the Salvation Army piece by piece if she didn't have "The Little White Donkey" perfect by the next day. When Lulu said, "I thought you were going to the Salvation Army, why are you still here?" I threatened her with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas or Hanukkah presents, no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn't do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic.

Does this method guarantee success?

What sort of people grow from such an environment?

Should we emulate her methods?

It this right?

[Peace Buyer]

Thats 120% correct, Most Mothers try to make learning fun rather than make them do their work...

That is why America fails...

[Hoshika]

I didn't particularly enjoy my childhood relationship with my mother.

[Ridley]

I'm with Hoshika on this one.

[Hoshika]

tons of my asian classmates are racist and/or snobby

[Kenny_C.002]

Originally Posted by HKim

Does this method guarantee success?

No. Consider this: Out of the 1 billion Chinese people in the world, are we all essentially elite super-brain-humans with the ability to dominate academics? Not really. There's always a spectrum involved, and we as humans tend to compare our worst (if we perceive it to be bad) to their best. I don't even think there's that much of a statistical difference between strict kids and more liberal kids in terms of academia.

Originally Posted by HKim

What sort of people grow from such an environment?

Being one from the same environment, I can say that we generally produce people who are perhaps known more to be book smart (and therefore smart), but not known for street smarts. To be honest, I never really learned how to be street smart because I've been spending so little time in the outside world in the past. Socially that is a crippling blow, and that shouldn't be that way.

What this tends to manifest as is the generation of shut-ins. They are more frequent in Asian households, and are an actual legitimate societal problem in countries like Japan and China.

The second problem with the methods is that it teaches us the negativity of failure. That in itself is devastating to the child: the harsh words, even when one doesn't mean it, can lead children to depression. It certainly makes ME feel incredibly negative at basically any speed bump on my road, even though I never got anywhere near a depression. I would imagine that it's a lot harder for one to claw back from a speed bump under the strict regime method than other methods (yes, it is an argument in direct opposition to the article itself through the exact same experiences, with different results). Still, is this the sort of values that we should be instilling our children? In addition, I'm pretty sure our rates of "run-away" children are higher as well.

Originally Posted by HKim

Should we emulate her methods?

Yes and no. What should be emulated depends on the temperament of the child itself. To a friend of mine, this method just doesn't work, despite her being Chinese. Perhaps then the answer lies in which elements of the Chinese method that works and emulate that. Blindly following those methods without understanding about its implications is just stupid.

Originally Posted by HKim

It this right?

There are stuff that Chinese parents should never get away with. Stuff like calling their kids trash in front of the public is one of those things. So no, it isn't entirely right.

[Giratina]

Strictly speaking, yes, it seems that Chinese mothers are producing more productive children. Morally, on the other hand... I'm sorry, I must just be a spoiled little kid, but from my viewpoint I really find it hard to stomach that people could praise that sort of thing. I can understand increased strictness to an extent (a fine example are my own cousins, whose mother employs a similar - but not as extreme - parenting style with good results), and sidestepping certain touchy subjects is not a desirable practice, but really... would it really kill you to allow your child some slack? Oh yes, heavens forbid you make your kids breakfast on Saturday morning. It's because you genuinely love them, not because you're expecting a 105 on their next science test.

[AlexShletdski]

Im from greece, my moms just always partying while I sit home and do my work, and I think that chinese mothers are 500% better then westerners!

[AlexShletdski]

You know, chinese moms sounds like they treat there children as slaves, I have a bunch of chinese freinds, there moms are strict to and I spent 3 years with them so its ok

[Giratina]

I don't know about 'slaves'. I don't think that they're regularly dressing their children in rags, keeping whips around just in case, and not even bothering to let them get an education so they can spend more time working for the parents.

[AlexShletdski]

What I meant is like you said, not being slaves but, the moms need to give the children a little slack.

[Blood Red Lucario]

I'd like to follow up on Kenny's point that this kind of raising of children leads to people being shut-ins. I highly doubt a person is considered productive to anyone besides his company when he works for 12 hours a day then goes home with no family or friends and prepares for the next day. Having the shut in attitude will make the parent shine only while the child is in school and no where else.

Do Chinese mothers have their children become great scholars most of the time? Very much so but it takes both street smarts and book smarts to make a "productive" human being. In my honest opinion it takes a balance of discipline and freedom to raise a child into a "productive" human. If a child seeks not to follow the road to academia then the parent should help his/her child get the best out of whatever talent they wish to pursue.

And if these mothers think that an A+, even though the child is slitting his wrist at night, shows the results of good parenting then they are very mistaken.

[Hoshika]

my mom still wants me to go to medical school even though I've settled on an art major

my friends are beaten sometimes because of bad grades

other classmates are extremely perfectionist and get pissed at high grades all the time so they complain all the time; they also cheat to get higher grades

basically what we learned is to get bigger numbers, not to get smarter

it's kind of depressing

/wrist

[Starkipraggy]

You conform more people to become people who stay home a lot but achieve a lot of results and are extremely confident and impervious to verbal or even physical assaults. In effect, you produce hardier people. I suppose that's a benefit. The children who can't adapt remove themselves from the gene pool. This then allows only people who have the neccessary qualities to be successful to exist. It's a bit heartless, but I suppose in the grand scheme of things, it's a better method.

[Synester]

You people ever have a black mother? Thats just scary...trust me, I have one