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Old 02-17-2011, 05:20 PM
Team Razor's Avatar
Team Razor Offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: sweden
Posts: 313
Default can someone give me feedback/improvements on my story idea?

So, thank you for taking your time to read this and eventually help me out.

Name: kinda need help with that.

Where: Hoenn, and hoenn only, since if you choose Johto you have to take Kanto too, and vice versa. I'm not too comfortable with Sinnoh and Unova, and I'm horrible at planning out maps and such so I can't make my own region.

When: About 3 generations later(i.e. Brendan and May's grandchildren).

Plot: Devon corp is capturing pokemon and takes their DNA and fuses them into humans, which makes them powerful and capable of for example, fly or shoot lightning bolts. There is rumors about a crime organisation that is behind the gene splicing. There is almost no pokemon left, and the only hope is lying on three gene spliced humans that has breaked free from Devon's control and are now struggling to learn how to use their newfound powers.

Main Characters

Name: Blade
Scyther gene splice
Age: 17
Personality: Quick witted, but when someone he loves is in danger he just rushes to save them without thinking of his own safety. He is considered to be the leader of the three but he doesn't always like that. (meh. typical hero personality).
Appearance:Credit to emperor_ren on neoseeker
Credit to emperor_ren on neoseeker, don't know if i got permission for this but it is exactly what he looks like.

History: He was born and grew up in Fortree and never went anywhere else, neither did he want too. He got his first pokemon,which was a Scyther named Raze, when he was ten, 3 years before Devon started capturing pokemon for gene splicing. He developed a close bond with Raze, and they trained hard every day, and he even beated his own mum, the niece of the former gym leader Winona. When he was 14, he was supposed to take over the Fortree gym, and in preparation for that, he journeyed to Johto to find strong and exotic bug pokemon to transform his eventual gym to a bug gym. He caught a Pinsir and Heracross, which he never named, maybe to show that his Scyther were special asnd standed out, or maybe because he thought they had good names already. On his travels he also challenged some gym leaders, achieving four badges, however the Azalea town leader was jealous of his pokemon, with himself having the more common Beedrill, Butterfree, and Ariados, he thought that if he turned him in to Devon he would eventually receive his pokemon. However, that wasn't the case. The Devon president, Bruce Stone, also saw the potential in his pokemon. When Blade wandered
through Ilex forest he was overpowered by Devon workers who took him to Rustboro, where the Devon Headquarter and the Devon Lab were. When he waked up he was gene spliced with his own friend and partner; Raze. And that is about where the story will start.

Name: Steve
Lairon gene splice
Age: 17
Personality: He is a cold person, who never speaks unless necessary. He never sugarcoats the truth however rude or scary it can be.
Appearance: pretty much this, except for the sword.
credit to Ayuriko on photobucket. same as above, I don't know if I got permission for this but it is pretty much right on the spot.

History: He is the grandson of Steven Stone, and obviously named after him too. He is also the nephew of the president of Devon, which he hates with burning passion. His parents was killed by Bruce Stone when he was 5, and after that he moved with his grandfather to Dewford to avoid attention.He was given a Forretress and a Aron from his father when he was 10 and 11. He literally grew up in Granite cave, and he once encountered a Skarmory which he catched. However, he couldn't resist to show his impressive collection, which now consisted of Lairon, Skarmory and Forretress, to his great-grandfather in Rustboro. Bruce eventually was reported that Steve was coming by agents, camouflaged as fishermen, as he immediatly was overpowered by Devon agents upon his arrival at Rustboro.

Name: Aurora
Seadra gene splice
Age: 16
Personality: she is always in the center of attention, was one of the "popular" girls in school. At a first glance she seems very mature, but around Blade she behaves like a small girl. *cough*shesgonnafallinlove*cough*
Appearance: Credit to Rythm-bandit on deviantart

History: She grew up in Sootopolis, and was very spoiled as a kid. when she was 10 she got her first pokemon, a Horsea. Her favourite activity was diving in the Sootopolis lake, which was connected to the open sea. When she once was caught in a maelstrom, a Milotic guided her out. After that, the Milotic agreed at getting caught and they developed a bond almost as strong as the bond with Seadra, former Horsea. She believes you have to bond with the pokemon before you catch them, and that's what she did with the abandoned Eevee she found sitting on a cliff looking out over the sea with an with a longing gaze. She took it home and fed it. It catched itself in a pokeball while she wasn't looking and since then she learned it to swim and as she always does, developed a strong bond with it. When she was swimming with her Eevee, they found a mysterious blue stone on the seafloor. As the Eevee touched it, her tail grew longer, she got webbing between her toes and scales started too grow on the skin. She wasn't prepared for it, but Vaporeon always felt it was what she always wanted.

Aurora knows Steve fairly well, due to her grandfather, Wallace, knows Steven.

Devon president Bruce Stone
Age: 37
Personality: Cruel, the rest is unknown
Appearance: Like Steven, but he has dark-green hair.

History: I'll write this tomorrow.

Crime gang: The sphere(yes, no team in front of it)

Leader: Atmon.
Sphere commanders: Litha, Hydro.
Grunts: Sphere grunt.
Awesome Avatar made by Neko-Chan.

I'm back for real this time(I think).

Last edited by Team Razor; 02-18-2011 at 11:48 AM.
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Old 02-17-2011, 05:36 PM
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Teddiursa of the Sky Offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Terseland.
Posts: 3,068
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Default Re: can someone give me feedback/improvements on my story idea?

As for the name of the fusion, I would call it Gene Splicing because that is what it is. The story is interesting, and I have always liked science-related stories. I recommend really just working on the plot more. Plan out what will happen and write accordingly. Do not wing it, have it all ready to go. Also, make sure you do not contradict yourself, so read the story before you post it. Try to be original, and the title will come to you once you have finished the first chapter.

Good luck! Have fun!
Latest Test/Work in Production:
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Old 02-17-2011, 06:21 PM
Team Razor's Avatar
Team Razor Offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: sweden
Posts: 313
Default Re: can someone give me feedback/improvements on my story idea?

Thanks:) Anyway, the celebration got cancelled so I'll write more on the plot and get me mah MC's done today.
Awesome Avatar made by Neko-Chan.

I'm back for real this time(I think).

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