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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1381  
Old 02-18-2011, 09:13 AM
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Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Some members of the swarm didn’t agree with him, but they obeyed. The injured and sick were taken care of as best as the scyther could manage. Stormblade was, as well, and in his case, Bloodscythe couldn’t have been more right. To everyone’s astonishment, he had grown from a weak and feeble hatchling into a large, powerful fighter, who was bigger and taller than any other scyther in the swarm, and with the strength to match. He had overcome his sickness and proven to be a valuable member of Bloodscythe’s swarm.

Though even still, not all the swarm members were convinced that Bloodscythe’s way was right.

There had been a few scyther who had caught a very terrible disease during the winter, and though Bloodscythe had allowed them larger portions of food than what the rest of the scyther got, they didn’t last the winter. One of the scyther in the swarm, Silverbreeze, and a large scyther called Boneslice, who had recently joined the swarm after becoming mates with Silverbreeze, were angry at Bloodscythe for wasting so much food on the ill scyther when they believed it should be saved for the strong.

They tried to convince Bloodscythe to change the swarm’s law, but he refused, saying that it was still a swarm’s duty to care for all its members, and only then could they be truly strong.

Though many scyther agreed with Bloodscythe, they were forced to change their ways when Boneslice challenged Bloodscythe to a leadership battle and defeated him. When a leader was defeated, the new leader was to choose whether or not the old leader would leave or be allowed to stay. Boneslice had gone further than punishing the old leader with exile, and chased Bloodscythe beyond the boundary of the swarm’s territory, telling him that he risked being killed if he ever set foot near the swarm again.

They never saw Bloodscythe again.

Boneslice, with Silverbreeze right at his side as his second-in-command, changed the swarm’s laws. Sick scyther were left to fend for themselves until they recovered and could return to the swarm, or they succumbed to starvation.

Many of the scyther longed for Bloodscythe to return, but since that was impossible, a few of them challenged Boneslice for leadership. They were failed attempts, and each loser was punished with being sentenced to the lowest rank in Boneslice’s new order. The other scyther became afraid to challenge him, and a few were even talking of deserting when Stormblade decided to challenge him.

No one had expected him to; even Stormblade himself would have never guessed he would be driven to such a thing. He was no leader. But he was the only scyther who could match Boneslice in size and strength, and then some.

The battle was fierce at first, but then Stormblade quickly overpowered Boneslice, who was no match for him. Stormblade, being furious with Boneslice for what he’d done to the swarm and the fact that he was willing to leave his comrades to die in the name of survival of the fittest, exiled him permanently from the swarm.

Boneslice’s mate, Silverbreeze, was furious and although she hadn’t been as against Bloodscythe’s ways and beliefs as Boneslice had been, she tried to rally other scyther against their new leader. Her efforts were futile; most of the swarm was glad to see Bloodscythe’s ideals returning through Stormblade.

Stormblade ignored Silverbreeze for the most part, and though he didn’t show it, it made him angry to think of her idea of how a swarm would be run, knowing that she would have sent him to die if she had been in charge when he hatched. Stormblade didn’t know how to be a leader, but he did well enough, doing the same things as Bloodscythe had done.

Until a new threat came to the forest.

When humans began to cut down the forest, Stormblade had not heeded the warnings from the older scyther who told him they should leave, and instead declared that they should drive out the humans, for no one had the right to take a scyther swarm’s territory from them. The result was disastrous, with three scyther captured and several more injured, including Stormblade himself. After their terrible defeat, Stormblade led the swarm to seek new hunting grounds, and almost the moment after they found them and decided on boundaries, several of the scyther, including Silverbreeze, rebelled against him. Silverbreeze herself was the one to challenge him in a leadership battle, and in his injured state, he couldn’t do much to defend himself.

After a humiliating defeat, he was exiled immediately. He staggered around the forest for a few days, in a daze after what had happened and too injured to hunt properly, until he stumbled upon Justin and his pokémon and was captured.

Stormblade knew that Justin had only kept him because he recognized that a pokémon that could fight back fiercely even when injured was a strong and valuable asset to a trainer’s team, and probably, Stormblade thought, because he recognized that Stormblade was bigger than a normal scyther. Justin would have noticed that. Stormblade realized that he must have seemed terrifying to the boy.

He had often wondered what became of Silverbreeze, and now he knew. She must have been overthrown, hopefully by a fair and understanding scyther who would make a good leader, and wandered around until joining up with Cyclone and his army. She must have wanted revenge for what the humans did to the old forest.

Stormblade wondered what his old swarm would think of him now. Bloodscythe would have tried to keep him alive even with Shadowflare wounds, even if all the others believed him as good as dead, as Blazefang had…like he had, before being captured by Katie.

He’d wanted for so long to go back and fix his mistakes, to make it so that he never challenged the humans, that those scyther had never been captured, but there was no way to do that. The only thing he could do was to move forward. But how could he do that, trapped in this hospital?

He had to find a way. He had to fight his hardest to survive, not just for himself, but for his friends. He wanted to help them, to try and repay them for all they’d done for him while he had still been traveling with them, struggling just to rise every day, and he wanted to help prevent any pokémon from being hurt by a Forbidden Attack again. These were the thoughts that kept him going, as well as the hope, the probably futile hope, of being able to help them rescue Thunder from Master. It was probably nothing more than a wild, crazy dream, but it was more bearable than thinking of her being trapped in that horrid life forever.

After all, he thought as he closed his eyes, trying feebly to get comfortable enough to sleep, they had to be trying to come up with a plan to rescue her even as he lay there…

They had to be…

To be continued...


(There was really no good place to split this chapter, so I had to settle for cutting it off after Stormblade's part of it. Speaking of which, both this chapter and Chapter 52 are going to mostly focus on the characters and, in some cases, their backstories. The reason for this is that I want readers to know about them as they are important, and I want it to be before the really major plot-filled events starting in Chapter 53.

So these two chapters are a sort of break from the action, getting to know more about certain characters and showing some other important details. Chapter 53 is where things start to get more intense, a lot more.)
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  #1382  
Old 02-18-2011, 09:20 PM
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Oh wow! I was happy when I got to read this this morning before school. Kept me in a good mood for the whole day! :D

Isla: Justin and Katie should just believe you guys about Stormblade being innocent. *Rolls eyes* This is why I find humans annoying. They only believe what they think they know.

Yuri: So that's what was up with Stormblade and Silverbreeze knowing each other...
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  #1383  
Old 02-19-2011, 01:31 AM
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Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Thanks! I was really happy to see your comment too! I'm glad you liked it so much! =D

Rosie: Stupid humans! Why don't they listen to us? -_-


And yep, that's why Silverbreeze dislikes him so much...
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  #1384  
Old 02-25-2011, 01:18 AM
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Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Very good! I see a little bit of the "hope" talk between Snowcrystal and Skye influenced some of this, I think. It feels like it did, especially near the end XP

Poor Stormblade. As long as he keeps fighting though, he can make it!
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  #1385  
Old 02-27-2011, 12:27 AM
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Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Snowcrystal knew what he was going to say. “…then he can heal Stormblade?”
Pretty sure that should be a capital even though she's continuing the sentence.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
“I….I don’t think so,” she muttered.
Random dot. x3

Quote:
Wildflame had to try to make herself look calm when she really wanted to snarl at the absol. Scytheclaw wronged us?
I'm confused about the italics in this one.

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
She wanted them to know all the details Damian had left out in the quick version of the story he’d told Katie, which he’d stumbled over quite a bit and forgot important details that Arien had to remind him off, making his story seem less convincing.
Should be 'of'.

Next post:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
There was no articuno here; this must be a different room.
The use of 'here' and 'this' suggests that the story is written from a first-person view, or that it's thoughts or speech.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
It was so nice to finally be rid of….
Another random dot. xD AND WOW. I REMEMBER THAT MIGHTYENA. c:

Well, that was a really interesting chapter! I thought that it was surprising to see weeks go by all of a sudden, but I guess that was nearly to be expected, as finding solutions so soon would be really difficult for them. I mean, even just that one room in the pokemon library was absolutely giant, so the whole thing put together would be even more tedious to search through. I think it would be cool if they had a Forbidden Attacks section, or even just a section that had lots of information about folklore (xD Canalave Library stories!) and such, which would no doubt narrow their searches. And yeah, at the same time, like what was said, it's hard to know what's fact and what's fiction, even if the book may claim to be genuine. 'Cause I'm guessing barely anyone's ever come across the Forbidden Attacks, especially since they're a myth (to most people), so it would be hard to know WHAT kind of information they can find, and whether or not it'll be helpful, and also, as I said, if it's fact or fiction.

It was awesome to see that Nightcloud is safe! :D And it's cool that she could tell Snow is white (haha), since it makes sense that poachers would colour pokemon differently to try and fool other people into thinking they're a rare colour. And it's also cool that Redclaw can get his collar off. I kinda forgot he had one, and that he could get it off. xDD Although now that she's mentioned it, it sounds like a good idea, and I'm sure it'll benefit him a lot--even if it's just mentally. It'll make him feel much less owned, and with the physicality of it, his feelings of entrapment and the attached memories should loosen up. I'm excited for Snow to tell Rosie about Nightcloud, because Rosie must have felt pretty awful when she escaped but the mightyena didn't. What goes around comes around though, I guess. x)

I also loved reading about Stormblade... All those feelings of being trapped in that hospital make me never want to be there myself, and it must be similar to how Nightshade is feeling. I loved learning more about his past and how it's affected his personality and whatnot. I mean, because of Bloodscythe's (and I love how it's such a vicious name, but Bloodscythe himself is really nice) beliefs and ways of life, and especially since Stormblade was a victim of a sickness and one of the scyther Bloodscythe believed in, he is who he is now. It must have really touched him that Bloodscythe believed in him when nobody (or others) else did. I wonder what his parents thought, since they weren't mentioned at all... And it was also interesting to see Silverbreeze's position too, because I always wondered what her connection with Stormblade was. I now know! And I wonder myself how Silverbreeze got to join up with Cyclone... I mean, it might not be how Stormblade thinks, and maybe she was a good swarm leader and was forced to join or something. But I feel really sorry for Stormblade...now that I think of it, what will he do if he does recover and gets out of the hospital? I mean, he'd stick with his friends for the time being, but it makes me wonder what everyone will do after the adventure (which is a long shot, I know, but still) since Wildflame wouldn't go back to her pack, although Blazefang might, and Stormblade wouldn't be able to find his old swarm or anything. Maybe he could find a new one. o: It would be cool/funny if he went back to Snow's mountain with her, and lived there. xDD Though something tells me a scyther wouldn't fare well in the mountains where it snows and all. I wonder what Redclaw would do...and Thunder too. (That rhymed!)

I wasn't surprised to see Scytherclaw's reaction to the gang's confrontation. Honestly I don't think anything will change his mind. Well, there is one thing that I think he might consider, but that's impossible. Pre-evolution. The only thing someone could offer him is pre-evolution... I reckon he'd abide if he could once more become a scyther, or even if someone could take him back in time so he could tell his scyther self not to be captured or whatever. Although that would seriously screw with the future, so maybe not. xDDD But yeah...makes me wonder what would ever make him agree, apart from the impossible. I don't think anything else would convince him... D:

Anyway, I can't wait for more. :P I wanna see Rosie's reaction to the news about Nightcloud! 8D But if what you said about quitting is true, then I hope you just mean 'hiatus'. ._. Once more, sorry for my late response. But I promised!

~GS.
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  #1386  
Old 02-27-2011, 12:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grassy_Aggron View Post
Very good! I see a little bit of the "hope" talk between Snowcrystal and Skye influenced some of this, I think. It feels like it did, especially near the end XP

Poor Stormblade. As long as he keeps fighting though, he can make it!
Yep, at least Stormblade has hope. Or some of it, anyway.



Quote:
Well, that was a really interesting chapter! I thought that it was surprising to see weeks go by all of a sudden, but I guess that was nearly to be expected, as finding solutions so soon would be really difficult for them. I mean, even just that one room in the pokemon library was absolutely giant, so the whole thing put together would be even more tedious to search through. I think it would be cool if they had a Forbidden Attacks section, or even just a section that had lots of information about folklore (xD Canalave Library stories!) and such, which would no doubt narrow their searches. And yeah, at the same time, like what was said, it's hard to know what's fact and what's fiction, even if the book may claim to be genuine. 'Cause I'm guessing barely anyone's ever come across the Forbidden Attacks, especially since they're a myth (to most people), so it would be hard to know WHAT kind of information they can find, and whether or not it'll be helpful, and also, as I said, if it's fact or fiction.
*will correct grammar stuff later*

Yeah, time skips ahead a bit; they'll be there a while. And yeah, I picture the whole library to be gigantic, the biggest one by far in the region. Well, it's not like there are enough books (or enough interest) to warrant a Forbidden Attacks section. XD They do have a section for those types of stories though, which was the first place they looked through. Now they have to look through anything else that might be relevant. And yeah, the stories kind of contradict each other and don't have much helpful information.


Quote:
It was awesome to see that Nightcloud is safe! :D And it's cool that she could tell Snow is white (haha), since it makes sense that poachers would colour pokemon differently to try and fool other people into thinking they're a rare colour. And it's also cool that Redclaw can get his collar off. I kinda forgot he had one, and that he could get it off. xDD Although now that she's mentioned it, it sounds like a good idea, and I'm sure it'll benefit him a lot--even if it's just mentally. It'll make him feel much less owned, and with the physicality of it, his feelings of entrapment and the attached memories should loosen up. I'm excited for Snow to tell Rosie about Nightcloud, because Rosie must have felt pretty awful when she escaped but the mightyena didn't. What goes around comes around though, I guess. x)
Yeah, I figured poachers would do things like that; dying pelts shiny colored to sell them for more money, or even dying the living pokemon themselves (of course, it would wear off, but the poachers would have already gotten their money. I'd feel bad for the pokemon though; those who buy from poachers wouldn't be looking for a friendly companion, just something rare). And yeah, Redclaw will certainly be happy to be rid of that collar. And Rosie will be happy to hear about Nightcloud too.

Quote:
I also loved reading about Stormblade... All those feelings of being trapped in that hospital make me never want to be there myself, and it must be similar to how Nightshade is feeling. I loved learning more about his past and how it's affected his personality and whatnot. I mean, because of Bloodscythe's (and I love how it's such a vicious name, but Bloodscythe himself is really nice) beliefs and ways of life, and especially since Stormblade was a victim of a sickness and one of the scyther Bloodscythe believed in, he is who he is now. It must have really touched him that Bloodscythe believed in him when nobody (or others) else did. I wonder what his parents thought, since they weren't mentioned at all... And it was also interesting to see Silverbreeze's position too, because I always wondered what her connection with Stormblade was. I now know! And I wonder myself how Silverbreeze got to join up with Cyclone... I mean, it might not be how Stormblade thinks, and maybe she was a good swarm leader and was forced to join or something. But I feel really sorry for Stormblade...now that I think of it, what will he do if he does recover and gets out of the hospital? I mean, he'd stick with his friends for the time being, but it makes me wonder what everyone will do after the adventure (which is a long shot, I know, but still) since Wildflame wouldn't go back to her pack, although Blazefang might, and Stormblade wouldn't be able to find his old swarm or anything. Maybe he could find a new one. o: It would be cool/funny if he went back to Snow's mountain with her, and lived there. xDD Though something tells me a scyther wouldn't fare well in the mountains where it snows and all. I wonder what Redclaw would do...and Thunder too. (That rhymed!)
Nightshade would be feeling pretty much the same way, yes, but he'd be more hopeful, considering he wasn't injured by Forbidden Attacks. I'm glad you did; I figured it was about time to explain things, and it needed to happen before the plot got kind of crazy. And yep, I named Bloodscythe the most vicious, but still normal (for a scyther) name I could think of and made him the really nice guy. XD

Yep, Bloodscythe was someone Stormblade really looked up to. His parents, though not mentioned, were pretty "meh" about him, not really taking care of him as much as they should (hence why Bloodscythe needed to help) but not abusing him either.

Well, a scyther couldn't survive in Snowcrystal's environment...they aren't exactly suited to extreme temperatures. D: As for what they'll all do, I have it planned out. Hopefully I'll eventually get that far.

Quote:
I wasn't surprised to see Scytherclaw's reaction to the gang's confrontation. Honestly I don't think anything will change his mind. Well, there is one thing that I think he might consider, but that's impossible. Pre-evolution. The only thing someone could offer him is pre-evolution... I reckon he'd abide if he could once more become a scyther, or even if someone could take him back in time so he could tell his scyther self not to be captured or whatever. Although that would seriously screw with the future, so maybe not. xDDD But yeah...makes me wonder what would ever make him agree, apart from the impossible. I don't think anything else would convince him... D:
Scyther-claw? XD

Sure, Scytheclaw would jump at the opportunity to heal Stormblade if it could mean de-evolution, but sadly, evolution is permanent. He's stuck the way he is. And yeah, time travel would really screw with the future, and it's not like there's a celebi floating around waiting to solve their problems or anything. D:

Quote:
Anyway, I can't wait for more. :P I wanna see Rosie's reaction to the news about Nightcloud! 8D But if what you said about quitting is true, then I hope you just mean 'hiatus'. ._. Once more, sorry for my late response. But I promised!

~GS.
I don't quite remember if Rosie's reaction was described in detail or just mentioned...it's been a little while since I went over that part of the chapter. No idea when it'll be posted, but I'm glad you're looking forward to it at least.
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  #1387  
Old 02-28-2011, 04:46 AM
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Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

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Yeah, time skips ahead a bit; they'll be there a while. And yeah, I picture the whole library to be gigantic, the biggest one by far in the region. Well, it's not like there are enough books (or enough interest) to warrant a Forbidden Attacks section. XD They do have a section for those types of stories though, which was the first place they looked through. Now they have to look through anything else that might be relevant. And yeah, the stories kind of contradict each other and don't have much helpful information.
Yeah, I figure as much. :P I do too! Definitely the biggest one I've read about! xDDD Get it? Reading about a library...haha... Ahem. Yeah, haha, that's true, which is why I suggested an appropriate section for those types of books. o: I would think so, and it would be hard to know what's what.

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Yeah, I figured poachers would do things like that; dying pelts shiny colored to sell them for more money, or even dying the living pokemon themselves (of course, it would wear off, but the poachers would have already gotten their money. I'd feel bad for the pokemon though; those who buy from poachers wouldn't be looking for a friendly companion, just something rare). And yeah, Redclaw will certainly be happy to be rid of that collar. And Rosie will be happy to hear about Nightcloud too.
It makes sense, and kind of makes me wanna write a story from a poached pokemon's point of view. o: (Yeah, I agree. True, and then when they find out that the 'shiny' pokemon is just a regular colour, they would probably have no need for the pokemon anymore. D:) That's good! :D Bye bye collar. xDD Now Thunder just needs to have hers taken off. D: Not that that's as simple to do as it is to say. Yaaay!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Nightshade would be feeling pretty much the same way, yes, but he'd be more hopeful, considering he wasn't injured by Forbidden Attacks. I'm glad you did; I figured it was about time to explain things, and it needed to happen before the plot got kind of crazy. And yep, I named Bloodscythe the most vicious, but still normal (for a scyther) name I could think of and made him the really nice guy. XD
I'd think so. And he has better company, but then again, he's in a place with other pokemon, so he'd feel a bit useless along with all the others. And less privacy and whatnot. Although, Stromblade has too much privacy. They should share it around with each other! x3 I thought that too. I think it's awesome to learn about characters' pasts. ^^ I really liked how he was thinking back further each time, and then further again...until the past story happened. I think you situated that part well. ^^ That's awesome! Anti-stereotype for the win! xD

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Yep, Bloodscythe was someone Stormblade really looked up to. His parents, though not mentioned, were pretty "meh" about him, not really taking care of him as much as they should (hence why Bloodscythe needed to help) but not abusing him either.

Well, a scyther couldn't survive in Snowcrystal's environment...they aren't exactly suited to extreme temperatures. D: As for what they'll all do, I have it planned out. Hopefully I'll eventually get that far.
I think that's really nice that he could have someone like that, especially with parents such as those. D: At least they weren't abusive though. I wonder what Thunder's parents were like... o:

No, I know. xDDD Which is why I said it would be funny if he did, because...ahh, I duno. xD I was just thinking random things. But that's cool! And of course; I believe one day you'll finish it, just as I hope to finish my stories too. xD

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Scyther-claw? XD

Sure, Scytheclaw would jump at the opportunity to heal Stormblade if it could mean de-evolution, but sadly, evolution is permanent. He's stuck the way he is. And yeah, time travel would really screw with the future, and it's not like there's a celebi floating around waiting to solve their problems or anything. D:

I don't quite remember if Rosie's reaction was described in detail or just mentioned...it's been a little while since I went over that part of the chapter. No idea when it'll be posted, but I'm glad you're looking forward to it at least.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH I KEEP ADDING THAT R!

Yeah, true. D: I know, haha, but I was just throwing options around...crazy ones!

*GAPS* You wrote it that long ago? o: Well I'm excited anyway. ;3 And of course I'm looking forward to it! :D Why wouldn't I be? ^^

I NEED TO GET WRITING SOON. c:
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  #1388  
Old 03-01-2011, 10:13 AM
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Yeah, I figure as much. :P I do too! Definitely the biggest one I've read about! xDDD Get it? Reading about a library...haha... Ahem. Yeah, haha, that's true, which is why I suggested an appropriate section for those types of books. o: I would think so, and it would be hard to know what's what.
XD Yeah, and they can't really figure out for sure what's relevant or not, and they haven't found out anything really important yet.

Quote:
It makes sense, and kind of makes me wanna write a story from a poached pokemon's point of view. o: (Yeah, I agree. True, and then when they find out that the 'shiny' pokemon is just a regular colour, they would probably have no need for the pokemon anymore. D:) That's good! :D Bye bye collar. xDD Now Thunder just needs to have hers taken off. D: Not that that's as simple to do as it is to say. Yaaay!
Yeah, it would probably be a pretty horrible place to end up, though I guess it would be varying degrees of "bad" depending on what poachers the pokemon got caught by. (Yeah, and they'd just get rid of it or worse, take their anger out on it or something, especially if it was a weak pokemon.) Thunder's? Well, THAT would prove a much bigger problem. If the people at the pokemon center tried to take HERS off, it would either explode or electrocute her (and possibly the person trying to take it off) to death.

Quote:
I'd think so. And he has better company, but then again, he's in a place with other pokemon, so he'd feel a bit useless along with all the others. And less privacy and whatnot. Although, Stromblade has too much privacy. They should share it around with each other! x3 I thought that too. I think it's awesome to learn about characters' pasts. ^^ I really liked how he was thinking back further each time, and then further again...until the past story happened. I think you situated that part well. ^^ That's awesome! Anti-stereotype for the win! xD
Yeah, well, sort of. He wouldn't get to interact with them much, and pokemon would probably be coming and going, but at least it's something. XD Yeah. I really like writing about their pasts, so I'm glad people like reading them. I'm glad it worked well, because it was something I didn't feel like I could really get right. And yeah, it's not like the scythers are looking at their children and thinking, "Hm....you look like you're going to be evil someday. So I'll name you Bloodscythe. And you over there, you look like you'll be nice. You'll be called Silverbreeze."


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I think that's really nice that he could have someone like that, especially with parents such as those. D: At least they weren't abusive though. I wonder what Thunder's parents were like... o:

No, I know. xDDD Which is why I said it would be funny if he did, because...ahh, I duno. xD I was just thinking random things. But that's cool! And of course; I believe one day you'll finish it, just as I hope to finish my stories too. xD
Stormblade probably wouldn't have made it were it not for Bloodscythe. And Thunder's parents will be in that one shot..if I can ever write it. I'm putting the PoD one shots on hold as well.

I hope so! And I hope you get to start your other ones too, because I really want to read them.


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AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH I KEEP ADDING THAT R!

Yeah, true. D: I know, haha, but I was just throwing options around...crazy ones!

*GAPS* You wrote it that long ago? o: Well I'm excited anyway. ;3 And of course I'm looking forward to it! :D Why wouldn't I be? ^^

I NEED TO GET WRITING SOON. c:
Oh, okay. o: *wonders what other theories you have*

Well, a few weeks ago. I don't remember much of the first part of it, because there's this one part...(and part of the reason I decided to put a hold on PoD before it specifically) that I'm having huge trouble editing, and that has so much potential to go very, very wrong if I don't do it right, so I was mainly focusing on that.

YOU DO. o:
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  #1389  
Old 03-01-2011, 04:55 PM
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Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

LoL, I'm so late to the party, dang it! xD/Dx Let's see if I can get my scattered thoughts together, though. ^^

(Sorry if I seem in a critiquing state of mind--I've been going to a writer's workshop club at school, and I've been learning a lot from that)

There was this one sentace that confused me, and I think that Xanthe pointed it out earlier:

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Wildflame had to try to make herself look calm when she really wanted to snarl at the absol. Scytheclaw wronged us?
With how the story's going, shouldn't the latter sentance either end in an exclamation mark? Or switched around to say "We wronged Scytheclaw?" Since the absol (hehehe absol's ftw!) was suggesting that it was thier fault, not Scytheclaws, in his speech.

But I think that was the only thing I caught ^^ (lol, though I'm terrible at proofreading xD)

So, moving on to the story itself: nice! :D Though it almost seemed to me that we were kind of skimming over these next few days--not really getting into much depth. But that's totally understandable, since it's making this unease grow... (we all know you're totally going to pull out a devastating surprise! :D I still think Cyclone is going to come rain on everybody's parade--probably literally... [Omigosh! That makes me want to see if he'll use his Forbidden Attack on the city if he marches his army there! >:D])

I think I might have liked to see a little more detail in the confrontation with Justin, but I really liked that Snowcrystal got the idea to talk to the humans about that. I had hoped that Spark would do something to stand up to his Trainer, but... Oh, you silly Jolteon >.< Say what you need to say! *goes off into song* "Say what you need to say... Say what you need to"

But I thought that was an interesting idea that the humans did with Snow; dying her hair? Hmm, I wonder how long that will last :o What would her kin back home think? I also have to wonder... aren't white growlithe's hair longer? I wonder if people--smart people--would notice that she has those other physical differences... But hey, I'm glad it's working so far ^^

And yay~! Nightcloud!!! :D I was so happy to see her in there! I really had wondered what happened to her after they all escaped. It's so good to see that she has a much better life now ^^ I'm curious too to see how Rosie will react :)

And wow, Stormblade's history :o Amazing! I would have never guessed that he was the leader of a swarm at one time! It's really sad what happened to him, though. The poor scyther never gets a break, does he? u.u STORMBLADE GET BEEEEEEETTEEEEERRRR!!!!! Hmm, you know, it might have been neat to actually have a dream or in-depth memory of his life back in the swarm--that might have made it seem more personalized, but... Wait, what am I saying? I don't know nothing! ^^' Sorry, must be that writer's workshop part of me coming out... xD

Anyway, I'm excited to see what happens next--and I'm way anxious to hear from Cyclone and his army, now. I kinda want to see more about this Silverbreeze scyther... :o Though she had seemed cruel in Stormblade's history, that one scene with her back with Cyclone has me curious. I wonder if she'll play any future role? :o

(Goll, I need to get writing more, too ^^')
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  #1390  
Old 03-01-2011, 10:35 PM
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Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

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There was this one sentace that confused me, and I think that Xanthe pointed it out earlier:

With how the story's going, shouldn't the latter sentance either end in an exclamation mark? Or switched around to say "We wronged Scytheclaw?" Since the absol (hehehe absol's ftw!) was suggesting that it was thier fault, not Scytheclaws, in his speech.

But I think that was the only thing I caught ^^ (lol, though I'm terrible at proofreading xD)
Yeah, that was meant to be the opposite. I'll have to fix it. >.<

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So, moving on to the story itself: nice! :D Though it almost seemed to me that we were kind of skimming over these next few days--not really getting into much depth. But that's totally understandable, since it's making this unease grow... (we all know you're totally going to pull out a devastating surprise! :D I still think Cyclone is going to come rain on everybody's parade--probably literally... [Omigosh! That makes me want to see if he'll use his Forbidden Attack on the city if he marches his army there! >:D])
The story skimmed over all those days because nothing of much importance plot-wise was going on during them that was important enough to write in detail. The next chapter skims over several things too, and skips a little further ahead into the future. And yes, there is something big planned after Chapter 52, but of course, I'm not going to give you any hints as to what it is...

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I think I might have liked to see a little more detail in the confrontation with Justin, but I really liked that Snowcrystal got the idea to talk to the humans about that. I had hoped that Spark would do something to stand up to his Trainer, but... Oh, you silly Jolteon >.< Say what you need to say! *goes off into song* "Say what you need to say... Say what you need to"

But I thought that was an interesting idea that the humans did with Snow; dying her hair? Hmm, I wonder how long that will last :o What would her kin back home think? I also have to wonder... aren't white growlithe's hair longer? I wonder if people--smart people--would notice that she has those other physical differences... But hey, I'm glad it's working so far ^^
The part with Justin was going to be longer, but I had to cut it because of the sheer length of this chapter (which was originally chapter 51 and chapter 52 combined, which before splitting it was longer even than the Articuno chapter). And you'll see more about what Spark thinks a little later.

The other white growlithe would think it was really, really strange, certainly. And no, their hair isn't longer, it's just thicker, but not enough to be noticeably different enough to draw too much attention; like Justin (I think it was?) said, pokemon have differences between them, and to someone who doesn't know what to look for, they're probably not going to give Snowcrystal a second glance.

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And yay~! Nightcloud!!! :D I was so happy to see her in there! I really had wondered what happened to her after they all escaped. It's so good to see that she has a much better life now ^^ I'm curious too to see how Rosie will react :)
Yeah, I had to add her in! Plus she plays a small but important role in the story in the next few chapters.

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And wow, Stormblade's history :o Amazing! I would have never guessed that he was the leader of a swarm at one time! It's really sad what happened to him, though. The poor scyther never gets a break, does he? u.u STORMBLADE GET BEEEEEEETTEEEEERRRR!!!!! Hmm, you know, it might have been neat to actually have a dream or in-depth memory of his life back in the swarm--that might have made it seem more personalized, but... Wait, what am I saying? I don't know nothing! ^^' Sorry, must be that writer's workshop part of me coming out... xD
Thanks! He did have a happy life for most of the time while Bloodscythe was leader (after he overcame the sickness, of course) and before things went wrong with Boneslice. Hm...you mean like a flashback? I thought of that, but it would be hard to show the whole story without skipping around a lot, and doing that would probably make it a bit too long and with too much detail for what I had in mind. But it would definitely make an interesting short story or something!

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Anyway, I'm excited to see what happens next--and I'm way anxious to hear from Cyclone and his army, now. I kinda want to see more about this Silverbreeze scyther... :o Though she had seemed cruel in Stormblade's history, that one scene with her back with Cyclone has me curious. I wonder if she'll play any future role? :o

(Goll, I need to get writing more, too ^^')
You'll see what they're up to in a little while. Silverbreeze may be cruel a lot of the time, but she still objected to Cyclone and Solus torturing pokemon (if that's the scene you mean). You'll see...
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  #1391  
Old 03-15-2011, 07:08 PM
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Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Okay, so I just got through with chapter 45, and this is what I wrote thinking about it last night:

Cool, chapter 45 starts with you replying to me saying I would fail at that competition idea. :D Anyhow, I think chapter 45 might've been about where I dropped away, cause I don't remember reading a chapter titled Articuno. And I think I would've, being it the main point of the story (well, at least up till here).

Okay, after reading 45, I know that's where I left off, and now I have a new favorite chapter. That was excellant, the way you made it just work, awesome. It seemed like there was going to be some form of semi-conclusion (you know, with them left to go home or whatever, although I knew that couldn't be it with the Forbidden Attacks still out there), but then, you just blew it away.

I was really starting to think Articuno had fallen to the ice attack right up until he said he was guarding something. I thought he was going to say 'something happened to me' or whatever, but it took a different turn that wasn't what I expected and really makes a lot of sense and everything. :D Yay! *too tired to read more* I will finish and catch up soon though!

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And nope, it's not over by a long-shot, I'll tell you that. Now that the Articuno-seeking arc of the story is over, I can soon begin to focus a lot more on the main plotline. =3
This is just funny to read because at the very beginning, it seemed like that was the main plotline. Btw, love your made-up word, "plottiness"! XD
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  #1392  
Old 03-16-2011, 08:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Guard13007 View Post
Okay, so I just got through with chapter 45, and this is what I wrote thinking about it last night:

Cool, chapter 45 starts with you replying to me saying I would fail at that competition idea. :D Anyhow, I think chapter 45 might've been about where I dropped away, cause I don't remember reading a chapter titled Articuno. And I think I would've, being it the main point of the story (well, at least up till here).

Okay, after reading 45, I know that's where I left off, and now I have a new favorite chapter. That was excellant, the way you made it just work, awesome. It seemed like there was going to be some form of semi-conclusion (you know, with them left to go home or whatever, although I knew that couldn't be it with the Forbidden Attacks still out there), but then, you just blew it away.

I was really starting to think Articuno had fallen to the ice attack right up until he said he was guarding something. I thought he was going to say 'something happened to me' or whatever, but it took a different turn that wasn't what I expected and really makes a lot of sense and everything. :D Yay! *too tired to read more* I will finish and catch up soon though!

This is just funny to read because at the very beginning, it seemed like that was the main plotline. Btw, love your made-up word, "plottiness"! XD
I'm glad you were able to read that far so fast! You're almost caught up!

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it so much!

I'm also glad it turned out differently than you were expecting, and that it managed to be a surprise but at the same time make a lot of sense, which is what I was going for when I wrote it.

And yeah, I wanted it to seem that way at first, but the main story goes well beyond that. Thanks. XD
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Old 03-16-2011, 08:23 PM
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I'm glad you were able to read that far so fast! You're almost caught up!

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it so much!

I'm also glad it turned out differently than you were expecting, and that it managed to be a surprise but at the same time make a lot of sense, which is what I was going for when I wrote it.

And yeah, I wanted it to seem that way at first, but the main story goes well beyond that. Thanks. XD
I really like how you make it seem like, "Adventure to Find Articuno" or whatever, and then randomly, oh yes, and there are these super powerful attacks. The moment that was mentioned, I was thinking, there's either going to be a long sidetrack going and stopping these before finally finding Articuno, or they're gonna find Articuno fast but then continue journeying anyhow to stop the Forbidden Attacks.

Oh yes, and I was going to say, I've learned not to drink anything while reading Graceful Suicune replies, or your replies to her. XD "QUIT DOWN!" and "BE QUIT!" have gotta be two of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Anyhow, back to the story, I now find myself really liking chapter 47, even though you let Thunder make that horrible mistake. I feel so sorry for Nightshade and Thunder now. And where's Stormblade!? Haven't mentioned him in a while. *nervous for news*

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Even the floatzel seemed worried and afraid, her usual carefree demeanor completely gone as she nervously smoothed down the fur of one of her tails that she held in her paws.
I love this line, how you just show a random nervous habit of one of them. Makes it more real. ^^
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  #1394  
Old 03-17-2011, 01:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Guard13007 View Post
I really like how you make it seem like, "Adventure to Find Articuno" or whatever, and then randomly, oh yes, and there are these super powerful attacks. The moment that was mentioned, I was thinking, there's either going to be a long sidetrack going and stopping these before finally finding Articuno, or they're gonna find Articuno fast but then continue journeying anyhow to stop the Forbidden Attacks.

Oh yes, and I was going to say, I've learned not to drink anything while reading Graceful Suicune replies, or your replies to her. XD "QUIT DOWN!" and "BE QUIT!" have gotta be two of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Anyhow, back to the story, I now find myself really liking chapter 47, even though you let Thunder make that horrible mistake. I feel so sorry for Nightshade and Thunder now. And where's Stormblade!? Haven't mentioned him in a while. *nervous for news*



I love this line, how you just show a random nervous habit of one of them. Makes it more real. ^^
Thanks, I wanted them (and the audience) to figure out that there was something much bigger going on than the growlithes' problem with the melting ice, something that effects a lot more pokemon (and humans).

XD I'm glad you liked those replies!

Thanks! I was really wondering what you were going to think of that chapter and what Thunder did.

As for Stormblade, you'll read about him in a little bit. And you'll learn more about him in Chapter 51.

Thanks, I'm glad you notice those little details!
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Old 03-17-2011, 07:22 PM
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Thanks, I wanted them (and the audience) to figure out that there was something much bigger going on than the growlithes' problem with the melting ice, something that effects a lot more pokemon (and humans).

XD I'm glad you liked those replies!

Thanks! I was really wondering what you were going to think of that chapter and what Thunder did.

As for Stormblade, you'll read about him in a little bit. And you'll learn more about him in Chapter 51.

Thanks, I'm glad you notice those little details!
Yeah, you did a good job with transitioning from find Articuno to much bigger problem. Ugh, *just finished 49* no! That's two chapters away! XD Don't worry, I'm so close...it hurts!

Yes, I like the details. xD The only problem I've been having with your fic is that it reminds me of my lack of skillz. >.< Oh wow, this is a lot I wrote while reading last night. Well, I'll post half and wait for your reply (and don't complain, you said you liked uber comments!).

I love how you have some random guy save Snowcrystal, but I hate the way 48 ended. >.< Dang cliffhanger! Justin, you'd better not freaking catch Snow! *swings at Justin* (And I argee, NO! You killed Moonlight!?! And that image was pretty horrible... o.o)

Oh yeah, and Scy, show me one of these bad metaphors. I haven't seen any. :D Give yourself more credit. As for why the pokemon didn't turn on Master, I was thinking they probably had those collars with like electricity or poison. "Don't turn on me, you'll die or be tortured." ^^ Is that the hint you were giving when you mentioned the collars?

Quote:
Master has several ways of punishing his pokemon, the most "basic" probably being the whip. Master does not use a whip for any practical reasons, he does so simply because he can. Like (I think) was mentioned in some chapter somewhere, there were a lot of abusive trainers who tried to use whips on their pokemon and got attacked or killed (as I imagine would be easy to happen). Master just likes to know (or show other people, from time to time) that he can use the whip on his pokemon without repercussion. He just likes to be in control. And his pokemon know he is.
Yeah, that part is in there, I remember that. You mentioned it. I thought it was funny how he can do it and others die and are amazed he can. *twisted mind* XD

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But I'm a scyther...wait...that would be bad!
Scy, are you scared of your own character? XD Yes, that would be bad if Justin caught you. XDDD

*after reading more conversation* Yeah, I remember that part too (where Stormblade reacted badly to the little one saying he could've been a leader)! I was thinking, "What happened to Stormblade before Justin caught him? Why did he react that way? Is it just cause he feels bad about being alone-ish and misses his swarm? Or is there more to it?" Knowing you, there's more...

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Snowcrystal: *sigh* I miss Stormblade...

Alex: Me too... ;-;

Blazefang: YOU NEVER EVEN MET HIM!
(Didn't get the color, oops... And again below...) This part just made me LOL! XDDD

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Redclaw: I think more pokemon need to be like Stormblade.

Blazefang: You mean half dead?

Redclaw: No.
LOLed at that!!! XDDDD

PS. The "sightless gaze" part was very good, good job. And the reason your Gold messed up is back on those games, they didn't know how to make memory that didn't reply on a battery being active, so the reason it failed was the battery inside the cartridge died. I think there's people who know how to replace the battery if you want, but you'll never get that save back (so sad! Dx).
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