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Old 05-02-2011, 02:13 AM
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The First Offline
New Trainer
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 4
Default The Team this fanfic has seirously moved quite a lot >.> starting from lowly websites and then to Pokedox(and I intended to stay there but the forum totally crashed) and then to Fanfiction.Net(but the people were too noob) and finally here (because I recently found out that it existed.). So here goes.

Just to clarify it I'm going to post here at the speed that I post on yea.

The Team
Originally posted on Pokedox, reposted on Fanfiction.Net…
And then reposted again on the Elite 2K forums.

This is a Pokemon fanfic. And I hope that you’ve realized that.
Now this fanfic isn’t your ordinary run-of-the-mill fanfic where you play a trainer and you find a pokemon and you go on a journey and kill people and all those stuffs. That’s not the point of this guy. This fanfic is going to put very little emphasis on the trainer-journey crap.

This story takes place all in the point-of-view of Pokemon themselves, limited to one five-pkmn-team. I’ll tell you when the camera shifts, but if there’s no mention of the point-of-view changing, then the main character and the narrator is played by a Lucario. YAY :D.

So here are the main characters that will be featured:

(now I’ll let all the talking happen with Lucario)

Before this fanfic starts, I’m going to introduce you to all the characters.


(aka the Trainer)

That’s what I call him anyway. He’s a really great Trainer, picking out pkmn even through their weaknesses. And that’s what makes him good. He’s not smart; I know that; But he’s got real passion and benevolence.


(the 4th Gen Champion just to clarify it)

She’ll not appear a lot, but has a really important part to play in the story; also she was the one that gave me to Master but that will be explained below.


(aka me)
Nature: Adamant

Close Combat
Swords Dance

I was Master’s first pkmn. When he was ten he still hadn’t graduated from Trainer’s School (mainly because he couldn’t get the facts right) and was really disappointed in himself. And that’s when I was given to him by Cynthia (as I was unable to stand out when compared to her OTHER Riolu which was able to learn Aura Sphere. She got it from another place.) Master picked me up and trained me; and that’s how I got to where I am today.


Nature: Jolly

Flare Blitz

Rapidash first came at Level 1 because it was unable to get past its first level due to its really bad defences. But Master took it up, realizing its hidden potential and trained it. It’s now the pkmn he uses to lead the team most of the time due to its double-status capabilities.


Nature: Adamant

Ice Fang

Luxray was the third member to join the team. It was seriously underlevelled when it came; as we were Level 12 when it was first caught. Master wanted the Shinx because it was left alone by its pack because it couldn’t hit hard enough even though it had good moves. In fact, it came to the team with this moveset minus Superpower. Anyways, Master found out the problem, Choice Banded it and now it can break any wall in a matter of seconds.


Nature: Timid

Sleep Powder
Toxic Spikes
Energy Ball

Cynthia had one Budew too many. And since the other one was Modest, she kept it for sweeping. The other, more inferior one, came to Master. But Master recognized how it was not able to sweep and came up with a better plan. Therefore, today we have a really great Toxic Spiker on the team.


Nature: Modest

Ice Beam
Hidden Power (Fighting)

Master was seriously plain lucky to get the Eevee; as he met it on the road when he saw the old trainer abusing it because its Endure-Flail set never worked. Master totally grabbed it away and ran. Later, when the trainer went up to him, Master was already feeding the Eevee with Berries. Which touched the trainer. Therefore, Eevee belonged to Master.


Master got the entire team together in about two months; which was the time he took to get to his second Badge. He did his thing really slowly, but we were patient.


Okay, now the introductions to the team are done. In the next chapter I’ll flashback to talk about how I got isolated from this team and all those stuffs, but now for some really important notices.

This fanfic is not clean. That is to say that this fanfic is not free from curse words. But to be honest, if you’ve got no knowledge at all of what cursing is, you’d probably not understand when the characters curse…you’ll see later.

This fanfic makes use of a really technical pkmn term to function. Tiers. If you have no idea what this means, no harm done; because its rather easy to understand. The weakest pkmn belong to the NU (Neverused) Environment, the slightly more used but no so good pkmn go to the UU (Underused) Environment, and the best go to the OU (Overused/Standard) Environment. There is another tier though, which is the Uber tier. Ubers are banned from standard play, as they are simply too strong. Some examples of Ubers are Rayquaza, Arceus, Mewtwo etc.

I will attempt to make this fanfic touch on kids’ morals because I’m pretty sure that there are 7-year-olds reading this.
“Heya, seven year olds :D”
But seriously, when I was at Pokedox morals were a pretty important part of it (as I tried in one chapter). So yeah. Make the kids able to read it :D

Comment below if:
1. You think that the cursing should really get out of this fanfic
2. You think that kids’ morals are too gay to be in this fanfic
3. You think that this fanfic should get less complicated (even though the most complicated part is tiers which forms a pretty important part of the story :/)

So…enjoy the following chapters :D

*P.S. I'm too lazy to slap on the picture so I'll do the edit some time later
Hell Yeah.
I write fanfiction and do competitive stuff...and most of the time the two come together...
Just like the fact that no one here is a noob >.> not like those are pure noobs...
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Old 05-02-2011, 02:16 AM
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 4
Default Re: The Team

It’s pretty long…I’m sorry. Don’t worry, other following chapters will be shorter.

When I was young, I was the first Pokemon (sorry I’m too lazy to type the accent) that my trainer got. He raised me with lots of love. However, starting from the second Gym, I started getting wiped out lots earlier before the opponent. Yep, in the second Gym, my Fighting-type moves were easily walled by Poisons. The leader suggested that Master (and I’ll refer to the trainer as that from now on) got a team, so that there would be some choices. Yea, he got one. The next time he came back, he had a team of five. It had been six weeks.

Master: I’m ready.
Gardenia: Show me what you’ve got. Six-on-six okay?
Master: Np. Let’s go.
Gardenia: Call your leads in one, two..
Master: Roselia, your up!
Gardenia: Roserade, come on out!

The two pokemon stared at each other. It was like there was some sort of rivalry. That was understandable. I guess I’d have to narrate the battle to you, since I was out of the Poke Ball all the way.

“Roselia, use Toxic Spikes!”
Roselia danced around. Apparently, nothing happened.
“Roserade, use Sunny Day!”
The sun started to shine brightly.
“Toxic Spikes.”
Another weird dance.

Gardenia looked at me with that “O.o”ish look.
“You shouldn’t just do nothing like that…you’ll let me win…”
“Your move. Attack if you dare.”
“Okay…Use Weather Ball!”
Roserade started charging for the Weather Ball. It glowed with intense orange. Master didn’t flinch.
“Extrasensory. Go.”
Roselia’s eyes flashed with radiant blue. Then, a blue beam was fired towards Roserade. The Weather Ball stopped charging, and Roserade was defeated. Just like that.

“Oh em gee.(aka OMG)”
Call your next pokemon.
“Okay…Cherrim, go!”
“I’ll pull back Roselia. Eevee, your turn.”

As Cherrim came out, Purple spikes shot up from the ground, badly poisoning Cherrim.
“What the-“
“Toxic Spikes. Remember?”
Gardenia clenched her teeth.

“Eevee, use Trump Card!”
Eevee was surrounded by white light. It fired the light at Cherrim. Unfortunately, Cherrim just shook it off.
“That’s weak.”
“Just watch and see.”
“Cherrim, use Solarbeam!”
The previously used Sunny Day caused Cherrim to fire the Solarbeam almost immediately.
“Eevee, avoid it.”
Eevee jumped aside swiftly.
“Trump Card!”
Same process. Charge light up, fire light, but this time, Cherrim fell back a little.
“I suggest you give up this useless attack and get on to some attacks that actually hurt?”
“Wait and see. By the way, the Toxic is eating your Pokemon’s HP fast.”
Gardenia looked at Cherrim was suffering quite badly.

“Okay. Use Solarbeam!”
“Dodge it again.”
Eevee swiftly dodged it…again.”
(Btw, this is not virtually possible because SBeam has 100% accuracy)

“Trump Card!”
The light flashed brighter this time. Cherrim slightly cringed at the attack’s power.
Cherrim shielded itself from the attack.”
“Trump Card!”
The light grew a lot stronger now. Cherrim was sent flying even through the Protect.
“Trump Card for the finish.”
Cherrim tried to protect from the finishing Trump Card, unfortunately the Protect was dispelled by Toxic. Trump Card hit really hard and went into the OHKO.
Cherrim fainted. Just like that.
“Holy crap. Seriously.”
“You know Trump Card gets stronger as the PP depletes.”
“Don’t you lecture me; I’m te leader here.”
“Okay, go Grotle!”
“Eevee, come back. Ponyta, you’re up!”
Toxic Spikes hit.
“Grotle, use Take Down!” (Btw it can’t actually use Take Down xD)
Grotle charged toward Ponyta.
“Wanna go for a fast kill or a slow kill?”
Ponyta smiled back at Master. Master smiled back.
“Ill treat that as fast since this fanfic is getting too long anyway.”
“Uh oh.”
“Flare Blitz. Go.”
Ponyta cloaked itself in flames and fired. Straight OHKO.

Gardenia pulled back the Grotle. Six weeks ago she told Master to buck up and now she was getting owned. W00t.
“Okay, go Porygon2!”
“Wait what?!”
“Oh did you know in your game any pokemon that can use a move of the correct type can come in, for example Flint has a Lopunny just cos of Fire Punch (lol) and a Steelix just cos of Fire Fang (epic lol)?”
“Okay…Bibarel, go!”
Toxic Spikes hit Porygon2.
“Porygon2, use Solarbeam!”
“Bibarel, get up there.”
Bibarel got hit by it. It fainted.
“Wait a second…that was just your HM Slave right?”
“Totally! Go, Shinx!”

“Porygon2, use Hyper Beam!”
Porygon2 fired a beam of light. It was slightly disrupted by Toxic.
“Avoid it.”
Shinx dodged it with ease.
“Too slow, Gardenia. Spark, go!”
Shinx charged at Porygon2 and killed it in one hit.
“Wait what?!!”
“I’m Choice Banded.”
“Watch your language, please.”

“Okay, go Carnivine!”
Toxic Spikes didn’t hit cos of Levitate.
Master silenced for a few seconds.
“You ready?”
I said yes of course.
“Go, Riolu!”
I ran forth.
“Oh so this is how you end it?”
“Yes. Swords Dance, go!”
Riolu did some weird dance. Gardenia was starting to feel the pressure.
“Power Whip!”
“Fire Punch!”
Riolu shot through the vine and hit really hard. Carnivine flew back and so happened to land on Gardenia. (anime references) It fainted.

“Last one. Go Shaymin!”
“You’ve showed me your strength. Now go against this uber now.”
“…how did you get it anyway?”
“I hacked it. Wait. OOPZ.”
“…I guess I’ll let it pass.”

“Shaymin, Air Slash!”
Shaymin charged forth at like, really fast.
“Riolu, use Endure!”
I held my breath. This was gonna hurt.
The Air Slash hit. I didn’t feel anything. A second later, all the pain came in.
My Salac activated. Hooray. Now I was faster than it.
“Use Fire Punch!”
I hit the Shaymin real hard.
“Shaymin, use Hyper Beam!”
Master smiled.
A huge explosion followed, but Master knew what to do.
“Endure it.”
So I went from one HP to one HP. Nifty eh?”
BoOmZ. Game over.

As Master got his badge, I looked at myself. I had just slain an Uber. Okay I admit that it was a little nooby not using Air Slash to kill, but I KILLED AN UBER!!! Yeah! I turned to the team.

Riolu: Did ya see that? I totally owned that Shaymin!
Roselia: Okay…so what?
Eevee: Hey…don’t gloat about it. It’s nothing.
Shinx: Yeah…exactly.
Ponyta: You know it would have won you if it chose to Air Slash so yea.
Riolu: You know what? I’m gonna grow up to be in Uber, and all of you are gonna be NUs! HAH!
Eevee: …I’ve got a choice you know.
Riolu: Trust me, you would wanna come to the Uber tier! It’s awesome!
Eevee: Hey…don’t taunt me.
Riolu: The thing is that I’m gonna get stronger than all of you, so SUCK that and yeah!
Master: Hey, we’re moving off!
He patted my head.
“Well done, Riolu.”
Then he went around praising everyone else. They still weren’t too happy. We were headed for Veilstone next. I trailed behind Master. Everyone followed, glaring at me. I guess that they were jealous that I was destined for the Uber tier. They were having a little discussion behind that I didn’t bother to hear.

Oh well, the selection of tiers was coming in about two months, so I guess they had to cross their fingers. In the meantime, I guess I would just enjoy the victory.

When the selection day came, Master had just acquired his eight badge. Obviously he owned every single one with me. Awesome right? And it’s probably a good time to tell you that all of us had hit level 65 and were at the highest forms of evolution.

Master looked at the chart. I could hear him saying, “Just as I thought” and a few seconds later, “Damn you Smogon”. Then he came back. Not low at all, but he had some bad news.

“Okay guys. I’m gonna just read out your tiers. Rapidash, you’re in NU. Glaceon, you’re in NU. Luxray, you’re in NU. Roserade, well done you’re in UU. And Lucario…”
I expected a rather standard answer.
“You’re in OU.”
I was giving that “>.<” kind of face. I mean I was supposed to be in Uber! What happened to that?
I used telepathy to tell Master, “But I was supposed to be in the Uber environment!”
“You can be used there…what’s wrong?”
“I slain an Uber! I deserve to be above all! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!!”
“Whoa chill. Come on, you’ll tear through the OU like nothing. You’ll be high up in your environment.”
Then I ran off.

I sat under a random tree. I thought about it. I didn’t deserve to be an Uber. Ubers had to be of impeccable character, and look at me. There’s a reason why “Adamant” is a synonym with “Steadfast”. Then again maybe that was my character. Coupled with lots of self-pride. I looked into the water. I stared at myself. What type of Tauros-crap had I turned into? I guess the team hated me. And I was destined to get it back. And I had to start with the only one that trusted me: Master himself.

That was how it all started. I lost the entire team to my pride. And I was determined to win their hears back. Which formed the basis of this fanfic.
Hell Yeah.
I write fanfiction and do competitive stuff...and most of the time the two come together...
Just like the fact that no one here is a noob >.> not like those are pure noobs...
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Old 05-02-2011, 02:21 AM
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 4
Default Re: The Team

epic posting spree ^_^ ~~

…Okay, there isn’t a pilot in this sequel. So shut up and read.

Lucario: Master, I need your help.
Master: For what?
Lucario: You know…I’ve been thinking. I’ve been too high on myself.
Master: Okay. About time.
Lucario: You mean you knew that I was too proud?
Master: Absolutely.
Lucario: Then why didn’t you do anything to me?
Master: I knew you’d come to your senses. Let’s be honest. I didn’t know that after that battle with Shaymin, you would become overconfident about becoming an Uber. But I had to work around the situation. And the best was to do it was to let it heal itself right?
Lucario: …You did the right thing. But why didn’t I get into the Uber environment?
Master: You should seriously give up on it. It’s gone. And about the promotion, your stats don’t agree with you. Lemme be honest, I predicted that you would go to UU. However, you’ve got the OU top ladder’s movepool. Use it.
Lucario: …All I want right now is to get the team together with me.
Master: (thinks deeply)…Tell you what. Go on a mission to unite with your friends.
Lucario: What mission?
Master: (thinks deeply again)…Why not go through the Eternal Forest(crazy name, I knoe) and pass through it?
Lucario: Is it dangerous? (I mean, the team’s made up of NUs)
Master: …A little. Anyway, at the end you will find a whole bunch of Life Orbs guarded by a ******. (removing spoiler)
Lucario: Wad?! How do I…I mean we, defeat that thing?
Master: Idk. Just find a way okay? When you’re done bring two Life Orbs back.
Lucario: Okay I guess…

I stepped into Master’s room and released all the Poke Balls. They didn’t want to come out. I flung them on the floor and they still didn’t come out. Then, I found out that you had to actually press the button in the middle of the ball to “make it bigger” (anime could have used a better term). Then, they came out. Everyone was laughing.

Rapidash: For a top-tier-OU, you suck at common sense!
Roserade: Wait what are you here for anyway?
Lucario: …(silence)
Everyone looked at Lucario.
Lucario: Look, I’m sorry. I know I’ve been high. And I want to take that back.
Luxray: Are we supposed to forgive him?
Glaceon: Dunno. I guess you’ve gotta prove it first.
Lucario: I’ll prove it. Trust me. Anyway, Master wants us to go through the Eternal Forest Challenge.
All: ?!?! THERE’S A ****** THERE!!!
Lucario: I know. But there’s these Life Orbs at the end that no one has ever acquired before. I have no idea what they do. We’re gonna find out.
Luxray: Why do we have to go with-
Glaceon: *covers Luxray’s mouth* Treat it as one of Master’s orders.
Luxray: *shakes the foot off* Don’t do that! It’s frikin cold.
Glaceon: Sorry. My bad.
Lucario: Soo…let’s go.

And they headed off to the Eternal Forest.
Yes I know the name is crazy.

I wish I thought of a better name…but this was the best bet.

We arrived at Acuity Lakefront.
I looked at the entrance. Beside it, there was a keyhole.
And I knew what this keyhole was for. Not to open the open lake entrance.

“Anyone here brought an Action Replay card?”
“You have one in your bag…”

I took out the AR card, and slid it in the keyhole. It mysteriously morphed into the keyhole’s shape.

“Cheating is just awesome.” (NO I AM NOT A CHEATER in reality!!)

Immediately, we were confronted with a bridge made out of solid ice. Below it was a river. The river didn’t look too harmful, but we were trained to have temperature checks, just in case we fell down…and that wouldn’t be that advisable.

“Umm Rapidash could you move on the bridge and measure the temperature?”
“Okay. But I’m only doing this because it’s a quest okay? Not cos of you.”
“No problem; just go please”

Rapidash trotted onto the center of the bridge and fired a Will-o-wisp into the water. Halfway down, it froze. The frozen blue flame splashed into the water.

I watched everything. That didn’t look too good. Oh well, the bridge was stable, so it wouldn’t be a problem. Rapidash came back and bumped me.

“You first.”
“No problem.” Then I looked at the river. I gulped. “I guess.”
I stepped one step on. The bridge was really stable. Nothing could go wrong. Then again this chapter is based on the bridge, so something had to go wrong. Thankfully, the writer didn’t plan to plot it on me. I ExtremeSped across the bridge and nothing happened.

“Hey Rapidash, your turn!”

Rapidash trotted across the bridge. It looked down and fired a Will-o-wisp just to check temperature again. Same thing happened. The flame froze. But this time, when it fell into the water, something came out of the water. A Gyarados emerged from the water and stared at Rapidash.

“!!!! Hi there!”
“Okay. WHAT THE HELL are you doing plopping fire into the sea?”
“...I don’t know. Can I go now? This is rather pointless.”
“No! The plot says that you have to battle with me! So follow it!”
“Screw the plot! Hypnosis!”
Rapidash fired Hypnosis at the Gyarados, unfortunately the Gyarados had already done six Dragon Dances underwater, so it was super fast.
“Hey! You cheated!”
“You know what? It doesn’t matter! You’re gonna lose cos all you are is a failed NU!”
Rapidash got all angry all of a sudden.
“Okay. This crosses the line!”

I thought about it. What got into Rapidash? I mean, it was always so jolly. It never got angry except when…
That’s it!

Rapidash hit Gyarados pretty lightly since it was not very effective.
Gyarados cloaked itself in water and fired swiftly. It hit Rapidash hard, and the Focus Sash activated. Rapidash was sent flying. Thankfully, it grabbed the bridge with one hoof. Okay, to be honest it didn’t really matter.

“Bye bye.”
Gyarados knocked Rapidash off the edge by whacking it with super little power. Rapidash fell slowly.
Then, I heard the sound of discharging electricity.
“About time.”
“What? You think I’m gonna get killed?”
“Yep. Turn around.”
Gyarados turned around. “OH MY-“

Luxray whacked the Gyarados hard and it fell into the water. One drop of the water touched me. It froze on my hand. Luxray got soaked.

“Oh my Arceus are you okay?!”
“I’m actually okay. That Spark warmed me up enough.”
“What took you so long to come in?!”
“I was wondering whether the Choice Band went on my neck or my tail.”
I made that “-.-“ kind of look. It actually didn't matter.
“It’s my first day with Choice Band…by the way shouldn’t you be saving Rapidash or something?”
“Oh sh*t! Rapidash!”

Rapidash shook off the Taunt to realize that it was falling into the freezing water.
Rapidash cloaked itself in flames, so the temperature didn’t kill it. But the water would. In five seconds Rapidash would drop into the water. And it would be game over.

I gulped. I ExtremeSped down the cliff, and to the level that Rapidash was, and I made a jump. Some majestic music played, and from all the Youtube I watched I knew what was going to happen. I didn’t guess wrong. I totally failed this one. I missed Rapidash by a centimeter and banged on the cliff wall on the other side. Rapidash fell into the water.

“ARRGH!! IT BURNS!! LITERALLY!!” (>.> I wish I thought of a better joke)
“I’m coming. Just gimme a while…”

I stuck my foot in the water. I pulled it right back.
I readied myself and jumped in. It was seriously frikin cold. But for some reason, I didn’t pull back this time. I ExtremeSped towards Rapidash, determined to save it.


I rushed against the current. Rapidash was just a meter or so away. I couldn’t miss this time. No majestic music played, and I was really happy about that. Therefore, I was sure that I wouldn’t fail this time. I used my last burst of energy for one ExtremeSpeed and charged. The camera zoomed into the grab. I clutched on to Rapidash and slowly made it to the shore.

I pulled Rapidash up. I pulled out a Revive from my bag(which was totally dry since it was frozen) and fed it to Rapidash. It woke up.

“Lucario…you’re shivering. Are you okay?”
“I am? Oh I am.”
“Hey. Here’s a Will-o-wisp for you. Use it.”

Rapidash gave me a Will-o-wisp to keep me warm. As it did, the team threw us a rope from above. I was about to climb up with the flame, but Rapidash stopped me.

“Hey. We’re even now I guess? You know, you’ve been proud and I’ve ostracized you and…actually you’re higher up. I’m sorry, big guy.”
“Hey, no problem.”
“By the way, don’t take that flame up. Glaceon hates flames.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Umm…you may want to defrost yourself, then discard it.”
“No prob.”
I defrosted myself and threw the flame into the river. Then, I proceeded up the rope.

Hey, first chapter, and I’ve already managed to gain trust with Rapidash! Not too bad eh?

Hell Yeah.
I write fanfiction and do competitive stuff...and most of the time the two come together...
Just like the fact that no one here is a noob >.> not like those are pure noobs...

Last edited by The First; 05-02-2011 at 02:25 AM.
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Old 05-05-2011, 01:14 PM
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The First Offline
New Trainer
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 4
Default Re: The Team

It’s left vague because I have no idea what I should call it anyway…so I’ll leave it hanging a little.

Luxray: Hey, do you have EQ?
Lucario: What?!
Luxray: I’m scared of it.
Lucario: (lame look) How come?
Luxray: It’s super effective. Thankfully my Intimidate dampens the hit a little.
Lucario: … And I thought that you thought I was a total Mightyena.
Luxray: You still are. When will I get my chapter?!

With all that spam aside, I’m going to move back to the plot.

We came face-to-face with a really tall mountain, and there was no way around it, unless we wanted to take a dip in that lake from the previous chapter (which wouldn’t be too advisable, especially for Roserade). Therefore, we climbed. Step by step we hiked up that 60 degree slope, which wasn’t too easy to scale, except for Glaceon. Halfway through, Glaceon stopped. It told me, “Don’t go ahead.” I didn’t know why, but I touched the area in front of me with as little force as I could have used for the sake of fun.

And I regretted it.

Glaceon: WHAT THE HELL!!
Lucario: What?

Then I heard a combination of a threatening rumbling sound and an even more threatening cracking sound. That spot in front of me apparently was made out of hollow ice! To make matters worse, apparently the entire mountain was made out of ice. Basically, it started crumbling down.

“Everyone, get behind me!” Glaceon shouted.
I looked at Glaceon. It was glaring at me. I looked up at the crashing ice blocks. It would be better to end up saved than screwed, so I went behind Glaceon.
Glaceon created a green barrier which shielded us from the falling ice. The mountain crumbled to nothing in just a matter of seconds.

I looked at the ice behind me. Glaceon was still staring at me.
“Come on, carry on! This isn’t my chapter!”
The dust had just cleared. All I saw was whitish-blue at all four corners. It was basically a desert. Only that it was made up with ice.

“You’ve got a map right?”
“Oh yeah.”

I stuck my hand into the backpack. Unfortunately, there was no backpack.
“Okay, that settles it!”

I turned around to see Glaceon staring at me from close range.
“Listen here, you ‘Uber potential’. We’re frikin lost cuase of you! Get that?!”
“You know the ice well. Why didn’t you tell me that the mountain was not safe?”
“Don’t fight back with me, you…you…”
Glaceon was silent for a while.
“Bloody Mighteyena.”
Okay. I admit. I was pissed like crap. Then again, if I fired back, the guy writing this would make it my chapter. And that wouldn’t be too good.
“Glaceon, chill. I know we’ll get out of this somehow.”
“Stop trying to test my patience!”
I silenced. Just then I noticed Glaceon tearing a little.
“Look. You do something bad, Darkrai haunts you. Got that?!”
My focus wasn’t really on Glaceon this time. It was more about what was behind it.
“Umm, Glaceon…Look behind you.”

Glaceon turned around. It was Darkrai.
Darkrai grabbed Glaceon up with Psychic.
“HELP ME!!!”
“You do something bad, Darkrai haunts you…heheheh.”
“Help me!! Protect!”
Glaceon shielded itself again. For some reason, the Psychic hit through the Protect. It apparently harnessed the power of an STAB move. Though that was impossible. Well, it didn’t matter now did it?! I charged up, preparing to strike real hard, but Darkrai intercepted it quite well.
(*If you don’t know what STAB means don’t care about that)
Darkrai flung three layers of Spikes around it and Glaceon. I stopped the attack or I would be badly pricked. Darkrai turned back to Glaceon.
“Whoops. Wasted your turn. And now your Protect can’t work a second time.”

Glaceon turned to me.
“Hey Lucario, screw you…”
Then it clenched its teeth and turned away. Once again I could see it tearing slightly.

Darkrai: Come on, OU. Come save your friend.
Lucario: Trust me. You are so bloody dead, Uber.
Darkrai: Come on and attack me.

I looked down below my feet. Two centimetres away, the Spikes were buried underneath. Then again, since this was about friendship, “you go through everything together, all hurt, all strife, all problems.” –random guy. Therefore, I jumped through the Spikes.

“You’re just too stupid.”
Darkrai used Psychic to sent the Spikes flying off the ground. The wall of Spikes blocked my attack and I was sent flying back. Darkrai dropped the wall of Spikes, and I saw Glaceon fast asleep.

“What the hell have you done to it?!”
“I’ve put it to sleep with Dark Void. Now I’ll eat its life away bit by bit with my dark powers.”
“You Mukkin better not do that.”
“Oh yes I will.”

I clenched my fist. None of my moves would pass that Spikes barrier. And I was running out of time. Eight more turns and Glaceon was gonna run out of energy. And I lost my backpack back at the mountain. I looked behind me, and the team was nowhere to be seen. I guess they were too afraid of the Uber.

Okay here I go again. Maybe I should stop putting myself so high.

“Darkrai!! Let Glaceon go!!”
“Why?” Darkrai somehow imitated a cute voice like one from a Skitty.
“Okay I’m pissed. Close Combat!!”
I shot forward and started a flurry of punches . Unfortunately, Darkrai sent the Spikes up again. The attack was deflected.

“Your moves are useless against the Spikes!” Darkrai pointed a finger at me and laughed as if he was a supervillain or something.
It was right. I couldn’t deal anything to it with the Spikes all over. Then all of a sudden I thought of a solution.

I turned back. The team wasn’t there. Perfect.
“Hey Darkrai, wonder what EQ is?”
“Emotional quotient. Why do you ask?”
“Eat my Earthquake!”

I punched the ground really hard, and a shock wave was generated.
“What was that for? I Levitate!”
“Really? Then what about your Spikes?”
The Spikes were shot out of the ground, and they disappeared immediately.
“You fool! I could always use it again! Spikes!”
“Not this time. Wonder where I am?”
Darkrai turned around, and saw me behind it.
“Close Combat!”
I fired volleys of punches towards Darkrai, but apparently it didn’t take a super-effective hit. It did take lots of damage however.
“Okay, take your friend. I’m gonna leave you alone for this time. FOR THIS TIME. Okay?”
“You’d better scat. The next time you come back, you’ll be pulverized.”
Darkrai disappeared into the shadows.
Glaceon so happened to wake up at that point of time.

It looked at me, then looked down again.

Glaceon: Hey, remember when I said that Darkrai would haunt you?
Lucario: Yeah. Why state that?
Glaceon: I shouldn’t have said it to you. I should have said it to myself.
At that point of time, Glaceon was seriously crying.
Lucario: Hey, hey you okay?
Glaceon: It’s nothing. *sniff* Just that all this while I put up an aggressive front with you. And…today you saved me from Darkrai. I wasn’t right. You know you weren’t the best of Pokemon, but I shouldn’t have been so aggressive.
Lucario: Don’t say it that way…It’s getting really emo.
Glaceon: Friendship stories are always emo…Get that right. But…I’m just happy that you came for me even though I wasn’t right all the way.
Lucario: Just put all of that in the past okay? By the way are you hurt by Darkrai’s ability?
Glaceon: No. What do you mean?
Lucario: It isn’t really Darkrai. I mean, it used Spikes, then Psychic? It doesn’t make-
Glaceon: Hey, don’t tell me about that. I’m still scared.
Lucario: …okay.

At that very moment, I heard Roserade calling for me.
I ExtremeSped over there.
“What is it?”
“We found your backpack.”
I checked the backpack as if I was looking for gold, and found the map.
“Oh yeah.”
“So where are we headed to?”
“Out of the ice zone. That’s what it says. Go north.”
“Got that.”
I watched Roserade, and I couldn’t help but think that it was the only one that put up with me. Anyway, today I found out that Glaceon was actually pretty nice. And…I finally gained trust from it.

As we walked past that battleground, I couldn’t help but notice that there were reminisces of Hypnosis in the area – there were funny patterns on the wall to substantiate that – but I thought that Darkrai specialized in Dark Void? In fact, I was pretty sure that it stated that Dark Void was used. Something wasn’t right here…


Comments are greatly apprieciated ^_^ even if they're overly critical or anything like that idc just comment plz ^_^ cuz then i can improve
Hell Yeah.
I write fanfiction and do competitive stuff...and most of the time the two come together...
Just like the fact that no one here is a noob >.> not like those are pure noobs...
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Old 05-05-2011, 08:25 PM
Teddiursa of the Sky's Avatar
Teddiursa of the Sky Offline
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Default Re: The Team

I sort of appreciate your writing style, and sorta don't at the same time. When I first wrote, I did the same thing you do. The whole:

Glaceon: WHAT THE HELL!!
Lucario: What?
It is similar to a movie or audio script. It is easy to write and read, but it makes conversations almost totally void of emotion and description. Try writing with a little more description.

Also, I notice that you use the same word several times. This is okay, I find myself doing it. If you find that you are using the same word over and over again, edit it and find a synonym to said word. Less repetition amongst your vocabulary.

Other than that really, you are good.

I take it you are not a big fan of
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