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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #421  
Old 03-06-2011, 12:10 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Chapter 20 - [Fan fic of the year 2010]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graceful_Suicune View Post

HAI AEON. I do? Why thank you! :D Oh, seriously? It's so good that you think that, because I wondered exactly what this chapter had to offer (apart from it being essential for certain things). xD Why thank you. c: Good! xDD Yes, very true! She's gonna have to deal with a lot once she finds out how much better the truth would have been.

Yush, Sed! :D Glad you remembered him. xDD Yes, although he's working with the bad guys. *gasp* Hehe, well, all will be revealed in time to come. >:3 I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for reading! :D

AND I JUST REALISED. You had have a chapter of HoaL up that I never got around to finish reading, and thus I didn't leave a review. D: I'll have to get onto that! xD

XD It has improvement, Xanthe~! You're really coming along in leaps and bounds~!
And why do I get the feeling that that's so true? XP

OF COURSE I remembered him. I loved poor little Sed; he was so SQUISHY XD

Oh, so I do. XD Well, it doesn't matter. You're about to get more though I think. THE DAM IS BREAKIN' FOLKS~
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  #422  
Old 05-21-2011, 03:09 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

Thanks, Aeon! 8D Glad to hear so. Good that you remember Sed as well. xD I was worried people might not remember him. WOO!

Anyway, I apologise yet again for the insanely long wait. It's weird: I wrote more than 3000 words in three days to finish this. xD That's a little less than half the chapter.


Book Two: Uncovered

Chapter Twenty One: Confrontation
This chapter's theme song, to be played as soon as Dusty sees Shard, is The Only One by Evanescence.
No chapter picture yet!

‘N-no... It...it can’t be happening. Not again,’ I told myself helplessly, but I was quickly losing faith.

The Mr. Mime managed a grin amidst his concentration, and the togepi kept his broad as he opened his mouth. “So, you know our colleague, do you?” he asked, and I couldn’t help but wish I wasn’t constricted by any kind of rotten bind. I wanted to fry that pokémon like the egg he was.

Sed, now evolved, was a timid ivysaur barely different to his previous self as a bulbasaur. However, there was a certain fire in his eyes. At first I mistook it for passion, but suddenly I realised it was nothing positive. ‘Revenge.’

“It...it was your fault!” he bleated hysterically, his face contorted with betrayal and agony. He looked uncared for, and I could only imagine what he had gone through. Still, I was obliged to ask.

“Sed...what happened to you? I...I thought you were...”

“Dead?” the togepi intervened, and I threw a glare at him—as best I could in my condition.

“I thought...Team Rocket...” I swallowed, hardly willing to admit my thoughts. “...I thought they executed you.”

The statement only brought forth the ivysaur’s anger, and it was entirely directed towards me. “Shut up!” he screamed, and at that point I realised he was still just a child. When we had met, he’d told me he had only been with his trainer for two weeks before Team Rocket got a hold of him. From my experience, I was led to believe that the pokémon that trainers receive as their official firsts were fairly young when obtained, and no more than two weeks had gone by since I had last seen Sed, making him still very young.

“Sed, listen to me. You don’t have to do this.”

“You don’t know anything,” he answered in a deep and wounded voice, his head low and his pupils partly obscured because of his angle.

“If we’re done here,” interrupted the togepi, glancing to the Mr. Mime.

The psychic type relaxed and all at once I was free. “Aah,” he began, “that really gets the mind flowing.”

Before I had the chance to take a step to flee, Sed’s vines rocketed towards me at a speed I wasn’t aware a grass type could possess, and I was once again constricted. I was shocked to find that he had not wound his vines up my torso or bound my legs, but my neck. The seriousness of the situation dawned on me as a poisonous wave swept through my veins; this ivysaur was scarred. And I had been the one to make the mark, whether I meant to or not. It was me that condemned him to his life as it was now, and, in his confused and merciless state, I felt momentarily frightened.

“Sed,” I breathed, suddenly realising I was short of breath. My eyes grew and my limbs began flailing, although a use of too much energy would result in a shortage of the amount I reserved for surviving my hanging. “Sed!” The pressure began building, and I felt my eyes dampen as they slowly began leaking. Panic slashed my insides as my toes straightened and my fear instigated shivers. I could inch only a tiny gasp of air through my throat as the vines ceased to tighten, the ivysaur’s face alight with pure hatred. My lungs threatened to burst as my head screamed; my brain thumped restlessly inside my skull whilst my panic swelled like a serious injury. The pressure expanding in my head gripped me as if a mighty snorlax was squeezing the blood from my face. I struggled harder, my jaws tightly compressed and my desperation increasing without rest. I longed to scream at him again, but the only thought occupying my mind was raw fear; I could die as a result of strangulation, and that information itself was deadly enough.

“What’s wrong?” the togepi sneered, his eyes fixed on my struggle as he upheld his grin. “Can’t breathe?” I choked and blinked out more tears; it was horrifying to know that this sick togepi found pleasure in witnessing me suffer. On top of that, he looked barely older than a child!

The best response I managed between fits of struggle and a further river of tears was a spray of flames that slipped between my teeth which barely ended a pace in front of me. My pain was similar to that of the armaldo incident, although vines were the culprit this time rather than water. However wrong the place and time was, I found it ironic that opposite elements could have an identical effect on the same target.

“Sed,” the Mr. Mime muttered, “that’s enough.” He was still mildly amused, but the feeling seemed to slip from his face as Sed’s intensity failed to pacify. After a moment without a reaction, his tone leapt to a somewhat sturdy one. “Sed. I order you to stop.” But the ivysaur’s rage couldn’t be dulled, and his indignation burned more furiously as his face only seemed to twitch with more contempt than before.

“It’s your fault,” he spat, saliva seeping from his mouth and spattering the soil. I instantly recalled that the same sentence had been screamed from his lips the last time we’d seen each other; it was difficult to forget. I would have found his unforgiving expression contorted with pain and feelings of betrayal heartbreaking had he not had such a serious advantage over me; due to the current hierarchy, those things were only all the more frightening.

“Sed,” the Mr. Mime growled in a harsher manner, the vitality in his voice streaming clearly through. “You know we need her alive.” His pressing eyes warned even me of the apparent importance of my life, but with my increasing loss of consciousness, it was hard to tell what was what anymore.

The Mr. Mime made a move to repeat Sed’s name, but he was cut off by the piercing seeping sound of poisonous spores launching into the air. Step by step the purple haze erupted in plumes to envelop the space directly around the ivysaur’s body, and as it drifted closer, I could only feel my heart hammer as my ribs attempted to keep it contained. I barely noticed the Mr. Mime back away as the poison spread to the air surrounding him as well, and he threw his forearm under his eyes to mask his mouth.

Sed’s sanity didn’t hesitate to disintegrate sections at a time, and the realisation that this could be my end taunted my mind while I could do nothing but live the nightmare. The situation was no longer centred around Sed, but me. I was at the receiving end of his rage, and he showed no sign of letting up.

I couldn’t take any more. My insides were bursting with a need to breathe while my brain expanded to the point where it was forcing the edges of my skull apart; my vision blurred, all signs of oxygen inhalation came to a halt, and my flailing died down. My connection with reality mollified, as did my cognitive and physical functions. I could literally feel myself shutting down, and it was then that I truly believed I was on the brink of death.

Thankfully it appeared that someone wouldn’t allow that.

A shot of sickly dirt and gunk projected itself into the vines, striking with the advantage of unexpectedness and caused them to fling me into the trees nearby. I had been released! The joys of oxygen returned to me, but I knew my strength was failing and I could do nothing to stop myself from becoming tangled with branches and restless leaves.

I thought I had fainted as my eyesight plunged into blackness and my limbs seemed to go numb. Only seconds later did the pins and needles set in, and I was suddenly at the mercy of my own bodily functions. The needles stung and tickled fiercely at the same time; it was one of the weirdest feelings a pokémon could feel—besides evolving. My vision took its time to return, but in the meantime, my ears detected sounds of battling, and another pokémon appeared. As soon as I heard speech I identified her as Azure, and by her surprised mentioning of Splash, I’d say it was his gushing water attack that saved my hide. Although my sight and muscles weren’t fit for aiding me, my speech still functioned.

“Azure!” I shouted hoarsely, feeling the effects of a sore throat when trying to speak. “Get rid of them!” I would have said more, but I was hardly in a suitable state.

It wasn’t long before I heard padding and more voices, and I knew reinforcements had arrived before I happened to slip into a spiral of unconsciousness.

***

I murmured myself awake and proceeded to sit up quicker than I should have. The world spun as my eyes failed to maintain a clear view, and I was forced to lean forward on my front legs as I began to recover.

“You’re up,” commented Zhol, and I was immediately reminded of how Izante had an annoying tendency to state the obvious, especially as it happened. With Zhol it wasn’t so abundant, however.

“I am,” I responded wearily, happy to find no new bandages. “Where are we?”

“This is my home,” the sneasel told me steadily. She kneeled before me and seemed ready to help if I needed it.

“Nice...house.” I lifted my head and scanned the room, noting pretty much what I saw in everyone else’s. One corner was iced over and had an ominous icy steam radiating from its surface, and I nearly admired it before becoming disgusted by its existence. “How does that stay unmelted?” I questioned, a slight frown patting my face.

The sneasel rose, inhaled slowly and forced a shaped spray of freezing air. As it made contact with the ice, the particles solidified and the clump had no choice but to double in size. I shuffled back a pace or two, and she seemed to flinch, resting a cautious gaze upon me. I could tell she was uneasy about my reaction, and it became evident that she feared she had done something wrong as she continued her almost-worried look. She gave the ice a few seconds of attention before presumably switching back to me, but by that time I’d looked away.

I was disorientated. I felt marginally cold, which was unusual for me, and the streaming sunlight reaching me through slits between the logs told me it was no longer the time of the night hunters. It was morning. Last I remembered, I had been strung up in a tree and a few members of the colony – Splash, Azure, and others – had been fending off the invaders. Or ambushers. Or whatever they were.

Wiping my eye with a paw, I turned to Zhol. “What are you doing here?”

She adopted a shred of perplexity and melded it with her face. “This is my home,” she simply stated with edged concern.

“No, I mean—why are you here now? Don’t you have other duties?”

She must have been unknowing about the nature of my question. “I stayed to ensure your safety,” she answered as if I’d offended her slightly.

“Oh, I—I just...didn’t know.” I shrugged, pushing a sigh between my lips. “It’s nice of you to wait for me to...greet the morning,” I half-heartedly chuckled.

“Yes, well... You were out for the entire night. You were brought to me upon the fleeing of some intruders, and you’ve been asleep ever since. I assumed you’d been unconscious by violent means to begin with, and that you’d combined your unconsciousness with sleep.” She stopped to feel herself breathe, staring at me with nothing more than an informative face. It was a moment before she averted her eyes and uttered, “Anyway. I best leave,” and pressed against the wall to hoist herself upright. The question of why she wasn’t in the clinic resting sprung to my mind before I figured she must have gotten treatment for her wounds after Shard escorted her to the clinic the night before, and that she returned to the comfort of her home shortly after. It was either that, or she refused to leave me unattended at her home.

“Zhol,” I began, and she looked without emotion. “You shouldn’t be out and about in your state.” I rose to my paws and stood before her, adamant about my decision. “Don’t tell me you’re fine, or that you can handle yourself. You need rest. You’re a strong pokémon, but—”

“I’m going to Aemara’s clinic,” she mumbled, her tone clouded with a tinge of blatancy. Although she did manage a smile.

“O-oh...” I began whispering embarrassed apologies as I helped her out, and took her to the clinic where Aemara was waiting. However, as I entered the room, my fur suddenly erected. My nose curled into an instant snarl and my claws seemed to rise, as if prepared to strike at any moment.

On the end table to the left lay a small familiar sphere. The unmistakable patterns branding his irremovable shell called for attention as his tiny arms and legs seemed to sprawl in useless directions. The lack in movement told me he was unconscious, and for that and only that I was thankful. “What the hell is he doing here?” I growled, low-toned and instinctively protective.

Aemara turned in her graceful innocence and raised a hand to her mouth to gasp. She looked about to greet us with wariness when she instead turned only her head towards the egg elevated beside her, and then back to us. “He—he’s injured,” she admitted between swallowing. “I was told to—”

“But he’s the enemy! He attacked us last night!” I spat, taking care to shield Zhol from whatever could happen next. “Him and that Mr. Mime, and—” I cut myself off as I recalled the early morning’s events. I was still preparing to whisper the next word before Aemara dived in.

“His injuries were only minor; he will be moved to another building soon.” The froslass kept her gaze fixed on me, as if waiting for my approval. I only snorted. My fur slowly descended to meet with my skin.

“If his injuries were minor, then why is he being treated instead of Zhol?” I stepped aside, as if to reveal my friend properly, but Aemara’s decision didn’t teeter.

“Dusty, please,” Zhol hissed, and her sudden hint of hostility caused me to reconsider my whole argument.

Only fuelling an awkward situation, I renounced my place and stepped off my branch, touching the ground with suspicious agitation. “Aemara,” I muttered, solid and blunt, “who told you to take him here?”

“...Shardclaw,” she answered after a moment’s hesitation, and I turned my tail and exited the confinement.

Bounding with a clear goal in mind, I aimed to seek out that oversized bug type. ‘I knew I couldn’t trust him,’ I thought bitterly, connecting the dots. ‘He was so damn suspicious of my relations with Luck, and now he’s suddenly put all the injured at risk simply to treat someone not even part of the colony? That togepi is dangerous, and Shard should know it.’ I knew that something was going down. And I had to suss it out. The scyther must have had his reasons, but I was convinced he either didn’t think his decision through, or he had some kind of alternate story behind it.

In hot pursuit of answers, I stormed through the colony with a stumble in my step before reaching where I believed the suspicious pokémon lurked. Following some form of vague trail, I snuffed out his doorstep and whipped my head around, seeing only other colony members about. ‘He was here recently,’ I concluded, speeding in the direction the scent led me. Once I crossed the clearing close to the fire place and passed the tree I had been thrown in, my eyes growled for some form of verbal action. They had captured the image of a sturdy scyther leaning with his sharp scythes against the wooden fence bordering the younglings’ play area.

“Shard!” I barked sharply, catching him unaware as he flicked his body into a fighting stance and eyed me off. He failed to let his guard down as his wings rose and his scythes reflected the dull gleam of the sunlight. His head lowered and his expression conveyed messages of focus and caution. However, his half-arsed facade didn’t fool me. “Why did you let Aemara heal that togepi?” I pressed, skipping formalities.

“He was injured,” he answered, slightly less defensive than I’d expected.

“He’s the enemy,” I snapped.

“Even the opposition deserves a chance at life,” retorted the bug and flying type, and to that I only scoffed.

“Life, maybe, but his injuries were minor. Aemara said so herself.”

“Once the togepi is better, we can interrogate him,” he reasoned, and I thought it over for a mere moment.

“Will you treat him to a fresh drink and a hot meal as well?”

The scyther’s immaturity seemed nonexistent as he barely responded. However, I knew that if he was totally innocent, he would have no reason to hold his form like he was, and it only further confirmed my theory.

The detective in me began to surface as I spoke in a slower and slightly condescending tone. “I’ve learned that your reputation leads you to gain respect amongst the colony members...” I didn’t move as I spoke. If I advanced, he might assume I was challenging him. I was simply responding to his challenge. “You can get as many followers as you like on your side... You can also admit anyone to the clinic and make important decisions on your own grounds. It seems even the leader is under your scythe.”

“You know nothing of this colony,” he hissed, and seemed thinly startled by his own bitterness. Blinking it out, he refocused and I saw the flicker of his nostrils within a few delicate moments. “You have no authority here, and you certainly don’t have the right to accuse me of treason.” He curled his neck and filed his eyes. Their abrupt severity shook even me as I tried to maintain my composure. He closed the space between us by one step, and even such a small portion of our distance removed seemed dramatic. “Don’t think I can’t see through your lies, flareon,” he spat, and in an instant an army of shivers worked their way through every inch of my body. A savage twist sliced at my stomach and I was close to gagging. My eyes lost their confidence and suddenly my armour slipped. Even my toes threatened to give me away as they began trembling under the crushing presence of the fearsome scyther. “I know you’re neglecting something from your convincing tale, and I will be the one to uncover the truth.”

I could do nothing but stare with horror as fear shot through my veins. My fur stood on end as I was cornered with a boulder suspended above and a tidal wave storming closer. Needles from a cactus pinned me against a rock wall, and my muzzle was bound closed by the chains of justice. The ground I felt so sturdy upon began to split. I was trapped.

With a fierce flutter of his wings, Shard sliced into the air and tore his way across the sky, landing short of Wynore’s house. The great ursaring emerged with the tiny teddiursa at her side, and both absent-mindedly greeted Shard as they fixed their gazes to me. My urge to move swelled like a growth as they approached, my eyes flittering and unable to keep still. I must have looked like a fuzz ball as my fur turned to spines and my nose flared with each step they took. The wave was closing in on me, but the needles prevented my movement. A sickening feeling played with my belly, shooting butterfree through my passageways.

Continued in next post...
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Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 09-14-2011 at 08:47 AM.
  #423  
Old 05-21-2011, 03:11 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

“You refuse to enlighten me with the truth,” Shard snarled, following slightly bent with his scythes out in front, “but you owe them an explanation.” Stopping only metres before me, the bug and flying type rotated his spiky head to the left, and his eyes followed the two sienna pokémon take their place beside him. His eyes were wandering and I could tell he wasn’t going to stay; he ushered the teddiursa with the flat sides of his scythes away from her mother and led her to the play pen before she squeezed through a space between the wooden beams.

Realising my place again with the pokémon I had been wary of since my first encounter with her, my claws hid behind rocks and grains of soil willing to unearth. However, the slight breeze was enough to blow the grains away, stripping them bare and sending yet another shiver racing through my body. I hid my embarrassing tail and tried luring my pride to my chest, puffing it bravely and repeating internally that I could hold my ground.

The ursaring’s solid expression was of pure disdain. A frown was carved tactlessly into her features, and her stance spoke of potential brutality and ruthless rage. I nearly jumped as she spoke. “Where is my mate?” she growled without bothering to hide her forwardness. I could basically confirm by her behaviour that she and Shard had been conversing.

My brain turned and I held my lip between my teeth. “I—I told you,” I stammered, swallowing and trying my hardest to keep eye contact. “He fled the ship.”

“Lakane doesn’t flee from things,” she snapped, stomping her right foot. I knew immediately that she was going to get the truth out of me one way or another. She had no intentions of playing me softly, and it seemed that even Shard was willing to turn a blind eye to whatever the ursaring may bestow upon me. Half of me understood his motives, but the other part loathed his sorry hide for calling my bluff.

“Or maybe he helped the other pokémon off the ship,” I reasoned, finding that as a more appropriate explanation.

Wynore fell silent as she contemplated her words carefully. She took a breath. “I truly hope he is alive,” she spat, hardly allowing her sincerity to seep between the gaps of her euphemistic threat. “We have a cub to raise. I look after an entire kindergarten of young. Lakane was Habib’s bodyguard!” she boomed, and my eyes widened in a heartbeat. I caught sight of Shardclaw who, in the distance, seemed to respond to the last sentence. In a panic, I knew I had to reply.

“His death has noth—” I froze. A horrific feeling suddenly swamped my heart.

Death. I said death.

‘She was talking as if he was dead! I completely let it slip—’
However, I saw her mighty paw come down to her side after swatting a fly obscuring her vision. My eyes dropped to its limp body which quickly became lost in the infrequent grass. It was then that I realised she hadn’t heard me. I felt my breath test the air, prodding it as my eyes remained shaky but glued to Wynore’s, and my theory was confirmed. To ensure confidentiality, I flung my head about, and thankfully I spotted no nearby pokémon. I turned back to her and repeated slightly differently, “His disappearance has nothing to do with me. I only helped him fight!”

“Tell me, flareon,” Wynore rumbled, her looming figure forcing me to crane my neck and scuttle frantically back a few paces. Her expression had morphed into a grief-stricken and livid one, and I could clearly read that she was both guilty and moral in her decision to blame me. “How many pokémon did you kill because of this ship incident?”

I was taken aback by the comment. Personally I hadn’t thought of them as deaths, but, rather, necessities. I didn’t really have a word for them. “I didn’t count,” I growled. “And for your information, I only killed when it was imperative.”

“Nidorino, nidorina,” she retorted, comparing my definition with another similar one. Essentially she questioned my definition of justice. “How many of those pokémon had trainers? Homes? Families?!”

My face lost its formation and my jaw was suddenly loose. My ears drooped and my mind returned to the many incidents whose severity was ambiguous. “W-well... I only killed Rocket pokémon. They had the choice to join us or—”

“You KILLED them!” she roared, forming some kind of invisible sphere between her two palms as she held her clawed weapons suspended at her belly.

“Killed...” I whispered, feeling my head rattle from side to side. “No...no... I protected the innocents and slayed the evil.”

“You murdered humans too,” she accused, her face clouding over with hatred.

“N-no!” I held my teeth before admitting, “Y...yes...”

“All vine whip users—throw the humans off board, along with any pokémon that try to oppose us!”

I halted, witnessing a Rocket man being tossed over the side a few metres up ahead. He yelled all the way down, being silenced by a splash. The wind whipped around our small group, almost chilling me.

I barely noticed as I crept closer, taking in the deep claw gashes that ran slashed across the human’s neck. His metal gun sat alone and separated from his hand. Cerise blood stained his uniform, and a dense pool soaking his black hair and hat had formed from the wound’s leakage.


“It was kill or be killed!” I shouted, a new sense of guilt laying itself onto what already plagued my mind. My head restarted its shaking. “I...I had to! And I had to destroy the ship afterwards...”

Her glare drilled itself through the barriers my skull was supposed to maintain, twisting parts of my brain and constricting my heart with the unravelled structures.

“You had to do nothing!”

“You destroyed the ship?” a voice spiked, and I jumped to find the infamous scyther join our ever so joyous conversation.

“Yes!” I exclaimed, capturing more space as I stepped backwards, losing my grip on sanity.

“Did you let everyone escape?” he pressed, following my movements as he too towered over my frail form. “Or did you leave some on board?”

“STOP!” I screamed, binding my eyes and clenching my jaws.

“I knew I never should have trusted you!” the scyther roared, his wings beating furiously. “Fire types can’t be trusted! You’re all the same; your fire is deadly, and your spirit is no different.”

“Lakane is dead because of you!” Wynore raged, chancing a swipe and scooping the space a hair away from my tuft.

“All those other pokémon...those humans,” Shardclaw highlighted, stabbing me with each word. His voice was tainted with the disgust of a million pokémon.

“You killed him!” she screeched, landing a hit as her great paw beat the side of my face. With devastating force, I was thrown metres before rolling to a halt. Stones pricked me as sticks stabbed my wounds; blades of grass cut my eyes and the soil forced itself into my mouth.

My paws seized as my legs started their violent vibration, my jaws so tightly interlocked that I could have shattered my teeth. A stream of tears stained my face, pooling beneath me as my bandages lay limply hanging from my flesh. I was suddenly overwhelmed with an emotion combining grief and guilt, slaughtering my only hope for redemption.

“Tell us,” Shard demanded scathingly, baring his deadly set of fangs.

My nose continued to fizz as my eyes bled their painful liquid, and I blubbered with uncontrollable consistency. The never-ending abyss I had fallen hopelessly into was not going to end upon my request. “I...I...can’t.”

A weight flattened itself along my back with impetuous force, and I jerked as my breath suddenly left me.

“Confession will release you,” Shard tempted, appearing inches from my left.

“Tell us what happened to Lakane!” Wynore thundered, increasing the measure of power applied to her leg.

However, I couldn’t respond. Beside my anguish and inability to unchain my secret, it had become impossible to gather the air to push out a response. I began to relive the horrid events that had occurred only that morning, and I knew my body was incapable of yet another torture session involving a lack in oxygen inhalation.

My problem was fixed as the ursaring released her hold on me, although I felt no more luxury as she scrunched her claws around my mane and lifted me from the ground. My legs wiped the ground before hanging without a stone of support, and I pierced the air with a squeal of discomfort. Naked fear contaminated my conscience, launching spears of serious self doubt into the depths of my mind. I wanted to tell them... I didn’t want to lie! Master had always told me lying was a misdeed that nobody should ever have to do commit... However, I was on trial for much more than just lying.

“You murdered pokémon who got in your way... You didn’t think of their needs or their reasons for fighting.” The scyther circled me, halting smoothly once he reached each side of the ursaring’s body. Never faltering or losing a grasp of his temper, he kept his imprinted glare of scorn and suspicion as his interrogation continued. I was no different to that togepi. “Did you even give them a chance?!”

“ANSWER ME!” the ursaring raged, thrusting my wilted body to the ground.

The wind was knocked from my chest, and the continuous tears wove between every strand of fur as my pain increased. Finally I snapped, scrambling from the threatening monsters and shrieking, “OKAY! I ADMIT IT!” They fell silent, holding their sneers until I spoke again. “I...” On the verge of spilling the secret of Luck’s death, I attempted to contain it. However, my ability to do so was waning, and it was only a matter of time before I exposed the truth and stripped myself of any dignity I may still have stowed between the cracks of my heart. Cramming my trust in the jaws of words, I whimpered, “I killed...many pokémon.” I had prolonged my confession once more.

Shard’s anger nearly overtook him as he raised his scythes and boomed, “That’s not what you were going to admit!”

His seriousness frightened me to my core as he looked ready to bring them down, when suddenly a blur knocked him clean off his feet. Our combined shock was enough to influence the mightiest of pokémon; for a moment I had myself convinced that one of the togepi’s deadly accomplices had returned to seek vengeance, but as soon as the scyther and the blur rolled to a stop, I gasped. Shard was unwilling to raise his blades to the pokémon pinning him down, and his anger was temporarily shelved. Nothing but shock seemed to occupy his mind. Wynore’s reaction hardly differed.

“Zhol!” cried someone from behind me. I rotated my head to view a worried raticate holding her paws to her face before scurrying past me and to her friend’s aide. I barely knew what to make of the situation.

“Answers!” the sneasel roared through anger and confusion. I wasn’t in a position to view her face, but rather the back of her, as she sat warningly on the scyther’s chest.

Shard’s face returned to a less severe version of what he beat me with, and it was clear the he feigned innocence. “You should be resting,” he responded with a mix of concern and frustration.

“What were you doing to her?” she growled, arching her back as her face neared Shard’s. I found myself blinking out my tears and exhaling a great breath of relief. Her concern for my welfare was utterly flattering, especially in such a situation. At the same time, however, when she found out of my misdeeds, it was clear that I would be framed as the villain and even she would accuse me of my lack in responsibility and honesty.

“Zhol,” Shard began gravely, lowering his tone as his eyes flicked from me to her again. “You can’t trust this pokémon. She’s—”

“I said,” she hissed coldly, her pressing tone striking me as extremely outraged, “what were you doing to Dusty?!”

“She lied to us!” Wynore stepped in, curling her claws to somehow emphasise her point. “She lied to the whole colony.”

Zhol’s position didn’t dissipate as she continued to listen. I could only picture her doubting face. That alone was enough to make me want to flee and never return. She had faith in me, and that was about to be shattered.

Shard snorted but didn’t make an attempt to resist Zhol’s actions. “We believe that she is hiding something.” He passed me his frightening stare, but I quickly rejected it as I searched the back of Zhol’s head for some sort of comfort. I needed her eyes. “She may not even be who she says she is.”

“I know who she is,” Zhol uttered bluntly, holding her position before removing her strong claws from the section of arm connecting Shard’s scythe with his shoulder. Silently she shuffled off him and rose to her uninjured foot, moving her head half way to meet eyes with Wynore. She found Gigin for support and turned slowly around, meeting my gaze for but a moment before murmuring for me to follow her back to the clinic.

Shame glazing my entire face, I heaved myself up and followed sluggishly behind.

***

My head hung from my shoulders as the darkened streaks of fur marking my face told of my recent emotions. My eyes occasionally wandered the clinic’s interior to spot Zhol, Aemara and Gigin soundly making amends to Zhol’s injuries. I had forgotten that she was half lame, and because of her kind-hearted actions only minutes before, she had stressed her wound to the point of its reopening. It was clear that Gigin had been propping her up on her way to where we resided, and as soon as her eyes fell upon the situation, she took matters into her own claws and zipped to my presumed rescue. I had cost yet another pokémon their futile effort; I was positively cursed, and yet I would still be blamed.

“Your bandages,” began Aemara softly, her delicacy almost strange compared with my previous encounter with the colony’s pokémon. She hovered towards me, but as she decreased our distance to that of a few paces, I cringed, withdrawing into myself and turning my head from her. She stopped, her body beginning to sway as it caught up with her mind. I fixed my gaze on a grain of dirt coloured differently to those around it, drawing my paws in as my tail attempted to wrap itself around them. Half a tail was hardly substantial.

I sensed her backing away once she ended her period of stillness, and floated back to Zhol. I heard shuffling and a soft click, and could only imagine that she had lay a foot on the ground after climbing from an elevated bed. She approached unevenly, leaning against the raticate. “Come on.”

I waited for them to leave and after a moment’s hesitation, I picked myself up and trudged after them. I caught sight of a few pokémon as I made my way to Zhol’s home, noticing their intrusive stares. It was as if Shard and Wynore had already spread news about my untrustworthiness, and all the pokémon of the colony were growing to condemn and even hate me. I had betrayed them all during the late hours of the previous night, and not one of them deserved treatment installing false hope into their hearts.

After we entered Zhol’s house, the sneasel requested that Gigin left. She did so with no more than a nod, and repeated the same action to me before scuttling from the rectangular hut. I could hear the bustling of Den Row as I sat silently, eying my paws as I waited for the moment Zhol would interrupt and begin accusing me. I played with the insides of my lips using my fangs, searching for tissue I could tear off and chew without creating a wound.

“What did you tell them?”

I felt my jaws slide together and my eyelids meet, my ears stiff and my nose quivering. I was reluctant to answer; saying the wrong thing would surely result in disaster. Zhol was the only friend I properly had in this colony, and I didn’t want to foil our friendship so early. I had already lost my best friend. Losing her as well was a frightening thought. ‘The least you can do is answer her,’ I growled inwardly, knowing full well that I owed her that. “I told them...” Ashamed and bitter, I muttered, looking up, “That Luck went missing.”

To my surprise, she didn’t comment immediately. Instead she seemed to shift through reasons why that would be my choice of words, and ended with a scowl. “That was wrong.” She let her head wander in agitation before returning it. “You only prolong their suffering. They have to know the truth.”

“I couldn’t!” I barked defensively, suddenly displaying stress. My breathing rate increased, and my front paws became separate. “I couldn’t tell them about him. He’s their family. If I found out my family was dead, I’d...” Images of my master flashed behind one eye and moved to the next just as fast.

“You wouldn’t want to be kept from the truth, either,” she retorted. I knew she was disappointed. That was one of the worst feelings I could have added to my list. She must have thought I was a cruel fool.

“But, I...” I lost my words. I wasn’t sure how I felt. I knew I was guilty, ashamed and greatly saddened! Yet I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to break it to the colony or not.

More seriously, she lowered her tone. “It isn’t your right to keep the colony in the dark.”

Suddenly my mind returned to Shard, and my paws tinkered with desperation. I became restless as my gaze wouldn’t hold and my face began to twitch with confusion. I began to scamper into the corner and steadied myself so I wouldn’t continuously shake. “I know!” I shouted, feeling the tears beginning to well once more. I felt as if I was brewing a fire storm that was likely to explode any moment, my eyes blurring and my nose undergoing an odd sensation. “I know... But, I... I didn’t know what to do, Zhol...”

After moments of immobility, the dark and ice type edged towards me, finishing her movement as soon as she must have felt she was close enough. I wept silently once again, and I could tell Zhol wasn’t sure how to comfort me. Feeling the steely but somehow comforting touch of her claws on my shoulder, I flinched, only to relax. Her words were simple and didn’t go unquestioned. “Tell them the truth.”

My stare met hers, my teary eyes choosing the centre of her pupils. I managed a weak, misleading smile that quickly formed a wailing opening, and I slid my head onto her shoulder, raising my right paw to rest on her other. “I’m just so confused,” I whined, drawing a breath between blubbering. “She was my best friend, and she just...left. And now these pokémon have to deal with the loss of their friend...” I tilted my neck, half lying my head on its side as it straightened from her shoulder. “Why is this happening?”

The only response my friend instigated was a left claw resting on the back of my mane and the placement of her head on my shoulder for balance. I sensed her temper quell and her understanding increase, and for that I was thankful. Nobody could ever completely replace Izante, but Zhol was immodestly filling her place.

***

“Tell me,” squawked an enraged bird-like pokémon, her crest rising and her puffy wings fluffing up all the more. Receiving no answer, she fired a dragonbreath onto the togepi strapped to a log, and the normal type screeched in discomfort as the odd flames seared what skin wasn’t obscured by shell. His fixed feet hardly moved, and his arms, in a similar state, were of equal uselessness.

“I told you,” he sneered, “that I’ll only speak to the flareon.”

“We know where you’re from,” she huffed, altering her emotional appearance by a tone. “It’s a hideout in the mountains.”

The togepi released a dark chuckle and mumbled, “You’ll never find it alive.”

Tarla let a grin peck the edge of her beak. “And you just ratted out your comrades.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

~GS.
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  #424  
Old 05-21-2011, 08:28 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Book two! That's excitement!
Quote:
I wanted to fry that pokémon like the egg he was.
Loved this comment. XD

Quote:
“What’s wrong?” the togepi sneered, his eyes fixed on my struggle as he upheld his grin. “Can’t breathe?” I choked and blinked out more tears; it was horrifying to know that this sick togepi found pleasure in witnessing me suffer. On top of that, he looked barely older than a child!
He sounds like Solus.. o.o

Quote:
A shot of sickly dirt and gunk projected itself into the vines, striking the weakness of unexpectedness
I was kind of confused at that...it doesn't really make sense to me.

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Only second later did the pins and needles set in
It should be 'only a second' or 'only seconds'.

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“Anyway. I best get to my duties,” and pressed against the wall to hoist herself upright.
I thought she was actually going to the clinic? So it seemed odd she said that, unless I'm missing something.

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fire place and passed the tree I had been throw in,
'Past' and 'thrown'.
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“Shard!” I barked sharply, catching him unaware as he flicked his body into a fighting stance and eyed me off.
I like how you described that. o:

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Even my toes threatened to give me away as they began trembling under the crushing presence of the fearsome scyther.
This too!

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and his eyes followed the two sienna pokémon take their place beside him
Confusing sentence. D:

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A frown was carved tactlessly into her features, and her stance spoke of potential brutality and ruthless rage.

“All those other pokémon...those humans,” Shardclaw highlighted, stabbing me with each word.
I liked the way you wrote these ones too. I wish I could make good metaphors. o:

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“N-no!” I held my teeth before admitting, “Y...yes...”
Same with this (though not a metaphor). I could picture clearly what she would have looked like when saying that.

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“I killed...many of pokémon.
Many of pokemon?

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removing her strong claws from the section of arm connecting Shard’s scyther with his shoulder.
Shard has another scyther connected to his shoulder? O_O Creeeeepppyy...


OKAY. Lot of things to say. Where do I start....I guess I'll just go in order of the chapter events.

That togepi really seems sadistic, and the Mr. Mime too (though not as much). And Sed...wow, I really wasn't expecting that! I think you did a good job of writing how surprised Dusty was at that, and how angry Sed was (he looked really freaky in my mind). I liked how at the beginning the others were simply amused by the bulbasaur's anger, then demanding that he stop because they needed her alive, but he didn't. And I also loved how you described Dusty really believing she was going to die (and I liked the detail of her trying to use a fire attack and it not working). The parts like, "Panic slashed my insides as my toes straightened and my fear instigated shivers" and "I longed to scream at him again, but the only thought occupying my mind was raw fear; I could die as a result of strangulation, and that information itself was deadly enough" were really well written.

And what I liked most about that was the danger part of it. It was really one of those suspenseful "how is she going to get out of THIS?" moments. I think it's the most suspenseful part in the story, and I think you achieved that "dangerous/anything can happen" style you wanted with that. See? Danger is awesome!

And I wasn't expecting that togepi to be in that clinic. I'm wondering what Shard's intentions with that were. I have a feeling he wanted him to get help since he knew what it was like to be on the 'bad side' (although I don't think he knows what that togepi is like) but I'm not sure.

The song you picked also went along well with the next parts! I like how Shard was still wary of her when she found him...she thought he was suspicious...I thought he was still all "FIRE TYPE! D:" but I'm not sure which it really is (mysterious...o:). I was surprised at first that they blamed Dusty for the pokemon who died in the ship incident, but at the same time I can see why they'd blame her, especially with how angry they were. And, of course, that she had to kill enemy pokemon...I'll talk about that soon.

I also thought Shard's outburst about fire types being "all the same" was very fitting, considering how he felt about them and what he felt Dusty was responsible for. It was still surprising to see him that angry, but it made a lot of sense. I also loved this part:

“You murdered pokémon who got in your way... You didn’t think of their needs or their reasons for fighting.” The scyther circled me, halting smoothly once he reached each side of the ursaring’s body. Never faltering or losing a grasp of his temper, he kept his imprinted glare of scorn and suspicion as his interrogation continued. I was no different to that togepi. “Did you even give them a chance?!”

That makes SO MUCH sense, and I loved that you put that in. Because Shard WAS one of those pokemon, well, similar to them, because of his trainer, so I can definitely see that being something he feels so strongly about, especially since it affected him so much. He was the one getting beaten up for being on the "bad" side. The attack with Wynore was pretty suspenseful as well; that was another part where I really wasn't sure what was going to happen, and there wasn't really any way to guess. I think this chapter is a big improvement with the unpredictableness.

And Dusty now realized how much she betrayed them all. I'm glad that she finally did, even though I really feel sorry for her now. I'm also REALLY glad Zhol talked to her about telling the truth, and that she's going to do it. At first I was angry she didn't tell Wynore and Shard the truth (I'd be furious if I was worried about something and someone refused to even tell me the truth about it), but in the end I'm kind of glad she didn't confess in front of just them, when they were angry like that. Now she actually has a chance to give everyone a proper apology/confession, one that she isn't forced to make while getting attacked. I think that'll be more meaningful to them all that way.

And the very last part was short but interesting.. I still wonder who this togepi's comrades are and what their real purpose is. I have a feeling that the hideout in the mountain thing isn't as simple as it seems, but I'm not sure what's going to come of that yet.

And lastly, going back to Dusty, I REALLY like how you have her flaws actually affect the story, the plot, the other characters, and herself. They cause drawbacks; they aren't just there but not affecting anything, and they aren't used as an advantage (I've seen stories where characters have "bad temper" as a flaw but it only comes up when they're fighting a villainbot that hurt someone they love or did some other bad thing, and if they get injured from it, they aren't affected by the injury until after the danger has passed). And I liked how Dusty was pretty much defenseless against Sed and Wynore. Those situations were well done, I think. They weren't evil, they had their reasons for attacking her, and she didn't suddenly become invincible and kick the crap out of them or anything. It's just really nice to see situations when the character CAN'T fight back, or can't fight back efficiently enough. It's much more suspenseful/WHAT'SGONNAHAPPEN that way.
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  #425  
Old 05-21-2011, 02:31 PM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Book two! That's excitement!

Loved this comment. XD

He sounds like Solus.. o.o

I was kind of confused at that...it doesn't really make sense to me.

It should be 'only a second' or 'only seconds'.

I thought she was actually going to the clinic? So it seemed odd she said that, unless I'm missing something.

'Past' and 'thrown'.
*spearow* YAY FOR BOOK TWO! Although I'm thinking I can change it if I find up with something more TtEoaF-related than 'book', since, you know, that doesn't really link in with anything. xD

Thanks! xD

Oh my gosh, he did!

Oh, haha, well that was meant to be that Splash used a weakness against Sed, and that weakness was unexpectedness. Yeah, haha, it was stupidly written. I'll chance it to "striking with the advantage of unexpectedness" instead. :3 Does that work? o:

Typo. xD

Good point! I'll change that.

Actually, I was contemplating whether or not I should have 'past' or 'passed'. I stuck with 'passed', since the sentence is saying she passed the tree, not that she ran past it. The sentence is: "Once I crossed the clearing close to the fire place and passed the tree I had been thrown in, my eyes growled for some form of verbal action" so yeah, it's saying she crossed the clearing and passed (by) the tree. o: Does that make more sense? But 'throw' was a typo. xD

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I like how you described that. o:

This too!

Confusing sentence. D:

I liked the way you wrote these ones too. I wish I could make good metaphors. o:

Same with this (though not a metaphor). I could picture clearly what she would have looked like when saying that.

Many of pokemon?

Shard has another scyther connected to his shoulder? O_O Creeeeepppyy...
Thank you! :D I'm so glad you like the way I wrote it! ^v^ It's really awesome that you pictured it as it happened, because that's the kind of imagery I hoped to create. :D And I could probably teach you about metaphors; usually I relate it with something else (and usually more dramatic) and use that instead. o:

Okay, haha, I changed 'followed' to 'watched'. :)

XDDD MANY OF POKEMON!

YES. YES HE DOES. O___o It's a birth deformity! Sheesh! His twin merged with his arm!
...Okay, it was a typo. xD

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
OKAY. Lot of things to say. Where do I start....I guess I'll just go in order of the chapter events.

That togepi really seems sadistic, and the Mr. Mime too (though not as much). And Sed...wow, I really wasn't expecting that! I think you did a good job of writing how surprised Dusty was at that, and how angry Sed was (he looked really freaky in my mind). I liked how at the beginning the others were simply amused by the bulbasaur's anger, then demanding that he stop because they needed her alive, but he didn't. And I also loved how you described Dusty really believing she was going to die (and I liked the detail of her trying to use a fire attack and it not working). The parts like, "Panic slashed my insides as my toes straightened and my fear instigated shivers" and "I longed to scream at him again, but the only thought occupying my mind was raw fear; I could die as a result of strangulation, and that information itself was deadly enough" were really well written.

And what I liked most about that was the danger part of it. It was really one of those suspenseful "how is she going to get out of THIS?" moments. I think it's the most suspenseful part in the story, and I think you achieved that "dangerous/anything can happen" style you wanted with that. See? Danger is awesome!
YYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY YYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! *super excited face* I'm REALLY happy that you say that! 8DDD It's wonderful to know I successfully conveyed what I wanted to, especially since it was about danger! And wow, really? The most suspenseful part of the whole story? :DDD How excitement! xDD *blush blush* And yes. Well Shaz and Tooloo are both guest stars so their sadism comes partly from that, but yeah, Tooloo doesn't know much of friendship at all. Shaz is less twisted and is actually a little friendly if you get to know him, and is actually partly sane. xD But I feel really bad for Sed. :( He was such a sweet, innocent and fragile pokemon before any of this. Dx But because he was so young, the only thing he could really do was blame someone else. And now that he can't return to his trainer, and that he's forced to do other things, he's began to focus on the thing that destroyed his life, and is unable to control his lust for vengeance since it's so unfamiliar to him. D: xDDDDD Awww, yay! I'm really excited to hear that I wrote them well. xD And yeah. It was funny; when I was writing this, I didn't have the type advantages in mind at all, and now that I look back, I'm glad that I showed that type advantages don't always have an effect in battle. Even though Dusty's fire would have stopped Sed, she was clearly unable to use it, and thus her ability had no effect on the situation. It also removes the illusion that a pokemon is always going to be able to defend themselves, especially if they have a type advantage.

YAY DANGER! xDDD I'm so thrilled that I got this right. xDDDD Danger is most certainly awesome!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
And I wasn't expecting that togepi to be in that clinic. I'm wondering what Shard's intentions with that were. I have a feeling he wanted him to get help since he knew what it was like to be on the 'bad side' (although I don't think he knows what that togepi is like) but I'm not sure.

The song you picked also went along well with the next parts! I like how Shard was still wary of her when she found him...she thought he was suspicious...I thought he was still all "FIRE TYPE! D:" but I'm not sure which it really is (mysterious...o:). I was surprised at first that they blamed Dusty for the pokemon who died in the ship incident, but at the same time I can see why they'd blame her, especially with how angry they were. And, of course, that she had to kill enemy pokemon...I'll talk about that soon.
Yeah. o: Well I think the main reasons were that he needed to be healthy to respond to the interrogation questions since capturing him was definitely a rare opportunity. And also since they healed him, he has something to be grateful to them about. Not that he will be, but Shard also probably felt it was unnecessary to keep him injured, because that's kind of cruel, even though they are enemies. But I really like your interpretation. o:

Oh, good! xD If you didn't mentioned it, I was going to ask. But yeah, that's awesome that it went well. xD I think it was playing while I was writing the part, and I suddenly realised that it fit pretty well. Yeah, haha, I find it amusing that they both think the other is suspicious. It's more that Dusty made him out to be really suspicious by how she thought of him though. But yeah--after the expedition he kind of got more used to her, but he manage to overcome his fear after the colony meet because he suspected she was hiding something. Then his fear was just replaced with anger and suspicion, but that wasn't really explained. He's also learned she's not there to harm anyone (at least, not physically) and that she's not much of a threat. Yeah. I always imagined that, since Wynore looks after all kinds of pokemon, she holds no prejudice and would avoid deaths if she could (despite her reckless behaviour). They also blamed her for that to make her confess, and yes, because they were very enraged. Dx Okay. :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I also thought Shard's outburst about fire types being "all the same" was very fitting, considering how he felt about them and what he felt Dusty was responsible for. It was still surprising to see him that angry, but it made a lot of sense. I also loved this part:

“You murdered pokémon who got in your way... You didn’t think of their needs or their reasons for fighting.” The scyther circled me, halting smoothly once he reached each side of the ursaring’s body. Never faltering or losing a grasp of his temper, he kept his imprinted glare of scorn and suspicion as his interrogation continued. I was no different to that togepi. “Did you even give them a chance?!”

That makes SO MUCH sense, and I loved that you put that in. Because Shard WAS one of those pokemon, well, similar to them, because of his trainer, so I can definitely see that being something he feels so strongly about, especially since it affected him so much. He was the one getting beaten up for being on the "bad" side. The attack with Wynore was pretty suspenseful as well; that was another part where I really wasn't sure what was going to happen, and there wasn't really any way to guess. I think this chapter is a big improvement with the unpredictableness.
Oh, that's good. xD It was weird; through most of this I was hardly thinking--I was just writing. I guess it's what we were talking about though. How it's not overly thought. Yeah. I also tried to make him less psycho-angry, like Wynore (xD), but more disappointed and angry that he can't trust her, and that he'd rather be friends but he knows he can't at this stage.

Oh yay! :D Glad you liked that bit. And yes, he definitely was shunned and beat up just because he was in that position. It's awesome you love that I included that. xD I also really wanted to highlight that killing others isn't okay, since in those actual chapters, it seemed like Dusty was doing the RIGHT thing. I was keen to include that it wasn't (since back then I thought it was the right thing to do as well, but I've changed my mind since then and realised what really happened) and the perfect way to include that was to have Shard and Wynore talk about it. Oh, cool! She was so blinded by her rage that she was capable of really hurting Dusty, which is scary. I'm glad Bibi wasn't watching. xD Aww, really? 8D Ehehe, thanks so much! ^v^ It means a lot to me to hear that!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
And Dusty now realized how much she betrayed them all. I'm glad that she finally did, even though I really feel sorry for her now. I'm also REALLY glad Zhol talked to her about telling the truth, and that she's going to do it. At first I was angry she didn't tell Wynore and Shard the truth (I'd be furious if I was worried about something and someone refused to even tell me the truth about it), but in the end I'm kind of glad she didn't confess in front of just them, when they were angry like that. Now she actually has a chance to give everyone a proper apology/confession, one that she isn't forced to make while getting attacked. I think that'll be more meaningful to them all that way.

And the very last part was short but interesting.. I still wonder who this togepi's comrades are and what their real purpose is. I have a feeling that the hideout in the mountain thing isn't as simple as it seems, but I'm not sure what's going to come of that yet.
Yes, definitely. She's realised how much of a villain she's become in their eyes. Obviously only those two, since others aren't aware of her lies (as far as we know) and Zhol just thinks she's a bit of a twit. xD But understands nonetheless. Yeah. She certainly didn't realise what kind of damage she caused, and then became confused. D: xD Are you? I think it was a good idea to talk about it too. c: Good point. Yeah, I guess there's credibility to both sides of the story. True, true. ^^

Yeah, hahah, I actually had to make it short to ensure it would fit in two posts, since I didn't want to go over the character limit by literally a few characters, and it only really needed that anyway. xD And yush. >:3 I'm excited to get to that bit. :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
And lastly, going back to Dusty, I REALLY like how you have her flaws actually affect the story, the plot, the other characters, and herself. They cause drawbacks; they aren't just there but not affecting anything, and they aren't used as an advantage (I've seen stories where characters have "bad temper" as a flaw but it only comes up when they're fighting a villainbot that hurt someone they love or did some other bad thing, and if they get injured from it, they aren't affected by the injury until after the danger has passed). And I liked how Dusty was pretty much defenseless against Sed and Wynore. Those situations were well done, I think. They weren't evil, they had their reasons for attacking her, and she didn't suddenly become invincible and kick the crap out of them or anything. It's just really nice to see situations when the character CAN'T fight back, or can't fight back efficiently enough. It's much more suspenseful/WHAT'SGONNAHAPPEN that way.
xDD Aw, thanks! :D I'm glad it did too. xD But I kind of figure a flaw like that would have to affect others in such a severe way. Wynore is mortally scarred by the death/disappearance of her mate, and she simply can't handle herself right now. So it's even worse now that she has a target who she can blame for it; the only thing I could see calming her down is for Luck to actually say something to her, or for her to somehow understand. Although, that's a little impossible... Dx Oh, seriously? O_o Wouldn't a bad temper be something that would affect their loved ones as well? (Accidentally hurting a friend because of a temper or something.) Ugh, of course. They can't hindered in battle at all! Oh, thanks! Yeah, definitely. I mean, Sed had her by the neck (literally xD) and Wynore is a large, powerful and threatening shadow capable of brutal things. And yeah, definitely. xDD Ahaha, I think it's awesome I was able to pull it off, and that it makes you happy to see. xD Yay! :D I also find that if I have things happen one after another as opposed to what I usually do - procrastinate and dag around with minor issues - then it creates a constant stream of events that don't bore and don't distract the reader from what's important. xD Of course, I won't rush anything, but yeah--I need to work on less random, insignificant crap. xD

Thank you so much for your wonderful comment! 0w0 I love reading them a lot. xD And I'm glad you like it that much that you can write that much, and that you look that much into it. :D

~GS.
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  #426  
Old 05-22-2011, 08:09 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

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*spearow* YAY FOR BOOK TWO! Although I'm thinking I can change it if I find up with something more TtEoaF-related than 'book', since, you know, that doesn't really link in with anything. xD

Oh, haha, well that was meant to be that Splash used a weakness against Sed, and that weakness was unexpectedness. Yeah, haha, it was stupidly written. I'll chance it to "striking with the advantage of unexpectedness" instead. :3 Does that work? o:
I actually think "book" works just fine. I like it a lot, actually. I'm not sure what else you'd call it. I like "book 2" better than "part 2" or something.

Yeah, that makes a lot more sense!

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Actually, I was contemplating whether or not I should have 'past' or 'passed'. I stuck with 'passed', since the sentence is saying she passed the tree, not that she ran past it. The sentence is: "Once I crossed the clearing close to the fire place and passed the tree I had been thrown in, my eyes growled for some form of verbal action" so yeah, it's saying she crossed the clearing and passed (by) the tree. o: Does that make more sense? But 'throw' was a typo. xD
Oh, okay. o: I think it just seems weird because it could be either one, and it's hard to tell which one it is (or if it's a typo). I think you should change it a bit so only one word would be able to fit (like "to the fire place and walked past the tree" or "and then passed the tree") so there's less confusion.

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Thank you! :D I'm so glad you like the way I wrote it! ^v^ It's really awesome that you pictured it as it happened, because that's the kind of imagery I hoped to create. :D And I could probably teach you about metaphors; usually I relate it with something else (and usually more dramatic) and use that instead. o:

Okay, haha, I changed 'followed' to 'watched'. :)

XDDD MANY OF POKEMON!

YES. YES HE DOES. O___o It's a birth deformity! Sheesh! His twin merged with his arm!
...Okay, it was a typo. xD
Yep, it was definitely easily imagine-able! Oh, that would be awesome! And that's good, because I really don't have a clue. x_x

Okay!

Sounds like something in that ChalkZone story. xD

WELL SOOOOORRRR....RRRRRYYY! You can't blame me for getting freaked out!


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YYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY YYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! *super excited face* I'm REALLY happy that you say that! 8DDD It's wonderful to know I successfully conveyed what I wanted to, especially since it was about danger! And wow, really? The most suspenseful part of the whole story? :DDD How excitement! xDD *blush blush* And yes. Well Shaz and Tooloo are both guest stars so their sadism comes partly from that, but yeah, Tooloo doesn't know much of friendship at all. Shaz is less twisted and is actually a little friendly if you get to know him, and is actually partly sane. xD But I feel really bad for Sed. :( He was such a sweet, innocent and fragile pokemon before any of this. Dx But because he was so young, the only thing he could really do was blame someone else. And now that he can't return to his trainer, and that he's forced to do other things, he's began to focus on the thing that destroyed his life, and is unable to control his lust for vengeance since it's so unfamiliar to him. D: xDDDDD Awww, yay! I'm really excited to hear that I wrote them well. xD And yeah. It was funny; when I was writing this, I didn't have the type advantages in mind at all, and now that I look back, I'm glad that I showed that type advantages don't always have an effect in battle. Even though Dusty's fire would have stopped Sed, she was clearly unable to use it, and thus her ability had no effect on the situation. It also removes the illusion that a pokemon is always going to be able to defend themselves, especially if they have a type advantage.

YAY DANGER! xDDD I'm so thrilled that I got this right. xDDDD Danger is most certainly awesome!
Yep, I think you did a really good job with the danger in this, and I definitely noticed a difference between this chapter and most of the other ones...this one seemed a lot more intense and uncertain (about how things would turn out) and unpredictable and I really liked that. And yes, I think it was. Like I said, it felt the most intense so far to me, and in both of those scenes I wasn't sure how things were going to turn out (I knew Dusty wouldn't die in that first one, but I was clueless as to how she was gong to get out of there, which made it really excitement!) and it was one of those "can't stop reading" things. I had to do my "get up and run around" thing REALLY quick while reading this because I wanted to get back to it. xD
And yeah, I thought that about Sed. I do feel bad for him too, he was just creepy in that scene (of course I realize that was intentional). I think what saddens me most about it was how he ended up with those pokemon, and the things they'll try to make him do. He probably won't even fully realize it's wrong..
Yeah, I'm glad you did too! It puts focus on the situation as well, since in the anime things like the environment and what the other pokemon does (outside of normal moves) can affect how a battle plays out, and make things a little more interesting and less one sided. And yeah, I like when there's a bit of unexpectedness to battles. One sided ones are only interesting if the fact that they're one sided actually goes somewhere with the plot and is meaningful in some way. Otherwise, it's just boring.

Yes, it is! This really makes me wish I could write my stories. DX

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Yeah. o: Well I think the main reasons were that he needed to be healthy to respond to the interrogation questions since capturing him was definitely a rare opportunity. And also since they healed him, he has something to be grateful to them about. Not that he will be, but Shard also probably felt it was unnecessary to keep him injured, because that's kind of cruel, even though they are enemies. But I really like your interpretation. o:
Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. I guess either way could work. Does Dusty ever find out why he allowed it (if it's not a spoiler, I mean), or is it one of those 'interpret it your own way' things?

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Oh, good! xD If you didn't mentioned it, I was going to ask. But yeah, that's awesome that it went well. xD I think it was playing while I was writing the part, and I suddenly realised that it fit pretty well. Yeah, haha, I find it amusing that they both think the other is suspicious. It's more that Dusty made him out to be really suspicious by how she thought of him though. But yeah--after the expedition he kind of got more used to her, but he manage to overcome his fear after the colony meet because he suspected she was hiding something. Then his fear was just replaced with anger and suspicion, but that wasn't really explained. He's also learned she's not there to harm anyone (at least, not physically) and that she's not much of a threat. Yeah. I always imagined that, since Wynore looks after all kinds of pokemon, she holds no prejudice and would avoid deaths if she could (despite her reckless behaviour). They also blamed her for that to make her confess, and yes, because they were very enraged. Dx Okay. :3
I was actually trying really hard to remember it, because I was worried that once I started writing the review I'd forget. DX But yeah, it really added to the scene. It kind of inspired me to want to write my stories, but of course...stuck. DX And I love when that happens with songs! Especially when writing! o: Oh, okay. Okay, that makes sense. I think what I meant was that it was not so much fear anymore, but more anger at fire types in general (that he ended up releasing now), but I dunno. And yeah, I know he'd know it's very unlikely she'd attack him. And okay, that makes sense.

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Oh, that's good. xD It was weird; through most of this I was hardly thinking--I was just writing. I guess it's what we were talking about though. How it's not overly thought. Yeah. I also tried to make him less psycho-angry, like Wynore (xD), but more disappointed and angry that he can't trust her, and that he'd rather be friends but he knows he can't at this stage.
YOU DON'T THINK WHEN YOU WRITE? D=< Kidding, kidding. XD And yeah, exactly! I really want to do it that way. And I think you succeeded in that. He didn't seem super Thunder-angry or anything! And yeah, I see what you mean. It seems like he would have eventually been friends with her were it not for this.
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Oh yay! :D Glad you liked that bit. And yes, he definitely was shunned and beat up just because he was in that position. It's awesome you love that I included that. xD I also really wanted to highlight that killing others isn't okay, since in those actual chapters, it seemed like Dusty was doing the RIGHT thing. I was keen to include that it wasn't (since back then I thought it was the right thing to do as well, but I've changed my mind since then and realised what really happened) and the perfect way to include that was to have Shard and Wynore talk about it. Oh, cool! She was so blinded by her rage that she was capable of really hurting Dusty, which is scary. I'm glad Bibi wasn't watching. xD Aww, really? 8D Ehehe, thanks so much! ^v^ It means a lot to me to hear that!
Yeah, so he would see from the other pokemon's positions too. Yeah, that too! I really hate when stories have it be a good thing when characters kill/beat up others when there is a better way....(and I HATE the trend I see in stories where beating up a mean person's pokemon is somehow punishment to the PERSON and therefor a good thing to do. Yeah, I've seen this several times..). Yeah, I actually thought she was going to injure her somehow, and I was relieved when she didn't. It was kind of funny to imagine Zhol pinning down Shard, though, because she'd be so small compared to him. XD But I know he wouldn't attack her.

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Yes, definitely. She's realised how much of a villain she's become in their eyes. Obviously only those two, since others aren't aware of her lies (as far as we know) and Zhol just thinks she's a bit of a twit. xD But understands nonetheless. Yeah. She certainly didn't realise what kind of damage she caused, and then became confused. D: xD Are you? I think it was a good idea to talk about it too. c: Good point. Yeah, I guess there's credibility to both sides of the story. True, true. ^^

Yeah, hahah, I actually had to make it short to ensure it would fit in two posts, since I didn't want to go over the character limit by literally a few characters, and it only really needed that anyway. xD And yush. >:3 I'm excited to get to that bit. :D
Yeah, I like that Zhol isn't totally angry with her, but at the same time knows she NEEDS to start trying to set things right, and right now. (Or soon, whatever.) Yeah, at first I was angry (SHE AVOIDED TELLING THEM AGAIN??????!!!!!ONE!!!), but then I thought about it, and after what Zhol said, I realized that this was the better way. Dusty should make the confession by choice, not because she was being threatened, but because it was the right thing to do, and she should do it in front of all the colony members, not just two. Now, if she holds off doing it for a while more, I'll be furious at her, but if she does it soon, well, I think that'll be a lot better in the long run than if Shard and Wynore had gone off and told everyone what happened.

Oh, okay. xD I didn't mean that it was a bad thing that it was short, just that there wasn't much there for me to wonder about yet. But I realize it was going to be that way even if it was a little longer. Yay for excitement!


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xDD Aw, thanks! :D I'm glad it did too. xD But I kind of figure a flaw like that would have to affect others in such a severe way. Wynore is mortally scarred by the death/disappearance of her mate, and she simply can't handle herself right now. So it's even worse now that she has a target who she can blame for it; the only thing I could see calming her down is for Luck to actually say something to her, or for her to somehow understand. Although, that's a little impossible... Dx Oh, seriously? O_o Wouldn't a bad temper be something that would affect their loved ones as well? (Accidentally hurting a friend because of a temper or something.) Ugh, of course. They can't hindered in battle at all! Oh, thanks! Yeah, definitely. I mean, Sed had her by the neck (literally xD) and Wynore is a large, powerful and threatening shadow capable of brutal things. And yeah, definitely. xDD Ahaha, I think it's awesome I was able to pull it off, and that it makes you happy to see. xD Yay! :D I also find that if I have things happen one after another as opposed to what I usually do - procrastinate and dag around with minor issues - then it creates a constant stream of events that don't bore and don't distract the reader from what's important. xD Of course, I won't rush anything, but yeah--I need to work on less random, insignificant crap. xD
Well, DUH it would! I'm just glad that you actually realized and acknowledged that instead of ignoring it like some other stories do. xD And yes, I definitely understand her actions and her reasons for him. Well, OF COURSE! But when I see that the authors don't use them that way, which is bigly annoying! Flaws aren't supposed to only be flaws when it's convenient! Yeah, and I very much hate the "constant dodging" type of fighting style. I see this all the time in scyther battles (especially in Johto trainer stories at the gym), like the authors are afraid that if a scyther so much touches their character with a blade, they'll fall over dead, so they have to DODGE! DODGE! DODGE! in an unrealistic display of speed that doesn't match, but goes WAY ABOVE a scyther's speed.
And yeah, I see what you mean. I think I have a problem with that too, mainly because scenes I imagine to be short end up going on a LONG time. I actually can't go further with PoD Chapter 53 because of this problem; a scene goes on for WAY too long and doesn't have much significance until the end of it (and then it's a minor thing that would show up later. Minor, but important (though not immediately so)). I'm thinking I might have to scrap the whole thing and do something else...I just don't have any idea what could serve the same purpose and be shorter. DX

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Thank you so much for your wonderful comment! 0w0 I love reading them a lot. xD And I'm glad you like it that much that you can write that much, and that you look that much into it. :D

~GS.
You're welcome! Well your comments are always wonderful to read so I try to write out everything I was thinking in detail so you could know, because I know I love reading that sort of thing. =D
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  #427  
Old 05-28-2011, 03:52 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I actually think "book" works just fine. I like it a lot, actually. I'm not sure what else you'd call it. I like "book 2" better than "part 2" or something.

Yeah, that makes a lot more sense!

Oh, okay. o: I think it just seems weird because it could be either one, and it's hard to tell which one it is (or if it's a typo). I think you should change it a bit so only one word would be able to fit (like "to the fire place and walked past the tree" or "and then passed the tree") so there's less confusion.

Yep, it was definitely easily imagine-able! Oh, that would be awesome! And that's good, because I really don't have a clue. x_x

Okay!

Sounds like something in that ChalkZone story. xD

WELL SOOOOORRRR....RRRRRYYY! You can't blame me for getting freaked out!
Oh, I see! :D I'll keep it then. xD Yeah. And I have all the parts for the other posts of my chapters, so it wouldn't work anyway. xD

Woo!

Okay, sure. o: I'll make it obvious then. :3

Good. xD I like it to be easily imaginable, especially since I tend to muck up sentences an the imagery may get lost in translation. xD

xDDD YOU FALLED SO HARDLY.

ACTUALLY I THINK IT'S VERY JUDGMENTAL OF YOU. JUST BECAUSE HE'S A MUTANT, SHEESH!

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Yep, I think you did a really good job with the danger in this, and I definitely noticed a difference between this chapter and most of the other ones...this one seemed a lot more intense and uncertain (about how things would turn out) and unpredictable and I really liked that. And yes, I think it was. Like I said, it felt the most intense so far to me, and in both of those scenes I wasn't sure how things were going to turn out (I knew Dusty wouldn't die in that first one, but I was clueless as to how she was gong to get out of there, which made it really excitement!) and it was one of those "can't stop reading" things. I had to do my "get up and run around" thing REALLY quick while reading this because I wanted to get back to it. xD
And yeah, I thought that about Sed. I do feel bad for him too, he was just creepy in that scene (of course I realize that was intentional). I think what saddens me most about it was how he ended up with those pokemon, and the things they'll try to make him do. He probably won't even fully realize it's wrong..
Yeah, I'm glad you did too! It puts focus on the situation as well, since in the anime things like the environment and what the other pokemon does (outside of normal moves) can affect how a battle plays out, and make things a little more interesting and less one sided. And yeah, I like when there's a bit of unexpectedness to battles. One sided ones are only interesting if the fact that they're one sided actually goes somewhere with the plot and is meaningful in some way. Otherwise, it's just boring.

Yes, it is! This really makes me wish I could write my stories. DX
Yaaaaaay. Thanks. :3 Ahh, right. I think that's what I need to work on--mostly my stories are tame and I tend to have convenience really present, which I need to remove. Thanks! It's good I'm improving, and that I know where to improve. Wow, awesome. xD (Yeah, haha, I guess it's kind of obvious she isn't going to die anytime soon since it's from her point of view. xD) Ahahaha, really? xDDDDDDD That's such a funny image! xD But I'm glad it was that kind of a moment. ;3
Yeah, definitely, ahaha. I agree. He'll learn so much from them that he won't think to question; growing up as a Team Rocket pokemon is not something to look forward to. Dx
:D I totally agree. That's why I've always liked the anime--because we see pokemon doing so many other things than what you can do with them in a game. I agree, like a really powerful enemy that dominates the battles and stuff.

And that I could read them! Dx

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. I guess either way could work. Does Dusty ever find out why he allowed it (if it's not a spoiler, I mean), or is it one of those 'interpret it your own way' things?

I was actually trying really hard to remember it, because I was worried that once I started writing the review I'd forget. DX But yeah, it really added to the scene. It kind of inspired me to want to write my stories, but of course...stuck. DX And I love when that happens with songs! Especially when writing! o: Oh, okay. Okay, that makes sense. I think what I meant was that it was not so much fear anymore, but more anger at fire types in general (that he ended up releasing now), but I dunno. And yeah, I know he'd know it's very unlikely she'd attack him. And okay, that makes sense.
She'll probably ask someone else who knows, like Aemara or something. As for conversation with Shard, I don't think that will happen anytime soon. Since they're kind of on bad terms. xDD But yeah, it's partly interpreting it for now, I suppose.

Haha, well it's good you remembered then. xD Yush. I love it when that happens too! :D I guess that's how characters get theme songs too. xDD Yeah... D: Ahh, right. Well his fear for other fire types still remains, but he's definitely still uncomfortable around her due to his fear, but yeah, it's not so much fear towards her now, when previously it was. And yeah, he'd have bottled up anger as well as fear for them because of what happened to him.

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
YOU DON'T THINK WHEN YOU WRITE? D=< Kidding, kidding. XD And yeah, exactly! I really want to do it that way. And I think you succeeded in that. He didn't seem super Thunder-angry or anything! And yeah, I see what you mean. It seems like he would have eventually been friends with her were it not for this.

Yeah, so he would see from the other pokemon's positions too. Yeah, that too! I really hate when stories have it be a good thing when characters kill/beat up others when there is a better way....(and I HATE the trend I see in stories where beating up a mean person's pokemon is somehow punishment to the PERSON and therefor a good thing to do. Yeah, I've seen this several times..). Yeah, I actually thought she was going to injure her somehow, and I was relieved when she didn't. It was kind of funny to imagine Zhol pinning down Shard, though, because she'd be so small compared to him. XD But I know he wouldn't attack her.
xDDDDDD (Good point. xD) Yeah, I see. I'm so glad I did! xD Yeah, haha, that would be TOO angry! xDD I agree. She didn't have a particular interest in befriending him because she thought he hated her for some reason (when it was actually the fear that she mistook for dislike), but I bet once she got to know him, she would have realised he's really friendly and loyal, and an overall good pokemon.

I bet, especially since nobody would have put themselves in his place. Yeah, I agree... I realised that it was happening in this story too, which is why I needed some characters to make Dusty realise that what she did was wrong, or to make her feel remorseful at least. Prior to this, she figured it just had to be done. (I know! That makes no sense!) xDD Nah, she's hasty, but not that hasty. Especially since she and Shard are quite close friends. But yeah, haha, she is really small compared to him. xD

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Yeah, I like that Zhol isn't totally angry with her, but at the same time knows she NEEDS to start trying to set things right, and right now. (Or soon, whatever.) Yeah, at first I was angry (SHE AVOIDED TELLING THEM AGAIN??????!!!!!ONE!!!), but then I thought about it, and after what Zhol said, I realized that this was the better way. Dusty should make the confession by choice, not because she was being threatened, but because it was the right thing to do, and she should do it in front of all the colony members, not just two. Now, if she holds off doing it for a while more, I'll be furious at her, but if she does it soon, well, I think that'll be a lot better in the long run than if Shard and Wynore had gone off and told everyone what happened.

Oh, okay. xD I didn't mean that it was a bad thing that it was short, just that there wasn't much there for me to wonder about yet. But I realize it was going to be that way even if it was a little longer. Yay for excitement!
Yay. ^^ And yes, Zhol knows that too. Yep. xDD Ahaha, also, what did you think when Dusty accidentally said 'death' but Wynore didn't hear her? xD (XXXDDDDDDDDD That was the reaction I was going for!) Yeah, I totally agree. And it might even calm things between Dusty and Wynore & Shard. And yes, in front of them all would be better. xDD Well I don't think they're the sort of pokemon to go off and tell anyone anyway, but, rather, pressure her into revealing the truth. Then again, they don't know the full-fledged truth, I suppose. Besides Dusty, only Zhol does. o:

Yeah, haha, I see. :3 Pretty much. :D

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Well, DUH it would! I'm just glad that you actually realized and acknowledged that instead of ignoring it like some other stories do. xD And yes, I definitely understand her actions and her reasons for him. Well, OF COURSE! But when I see that the authors don't use them that way, which is bigly annoying! Flaws aren't supposed to only be flaws when it's convenient! Yeah, and I very much hate the "constant dodging" type of fighting style. I see this all the time in scyther battles (especially in Johto trainer stories at the gym), like the authors are afraid that if a scyther so much touches their character with a blade, they'll fall over dead, so they have to DODGE! DODGE! DODGE! in an unrealistic display of speed that doesn't match, but goes WAY ABOVE a scyther's speed.
And yeah, I see what you mean. I think I have a problem with that too, mainly because scenes I imagine to be short end up going on a LONG time. I actually can't go further with PoD Chapter 53 because of this problem; a scene goes on for WAY too long and doesn't have much significance until the end of it (and then it's a minor thing that would show up later. Minor, but important (though not immediately so)). I'm thinking I might have to scrap the whole thing and do something else...I just don't have any idea what could serve the same purpose and be shorter. DX

You're welcome! Well your comments are always wonderful to read so I try to write out everything I was thinking in detail so you could know, because I know I love reading that sort of thing. =D
xD Mm. I'm glad she doesn't seem like just some psycho ursaring. xD I mean, she probably is overreacting a tiny bit, but I guess she doesn't know how to act in any other way. (Oh, I was actually questioning THEM about that, not you. xD As in, being like "DUH AUTHORS SHEESH. xD) Yeah, definitely! Then it doesn't count as a flaw, and then there is no flaw. xD Ugh, I do too! It's hard to dodge, which a lot of people don't recognise. I mean, it's hard to know where your opponent would strike as well. YES ALL THE TIME. Yeah, I think that's pretty much why--I guess it would be because they're afraid of a scyther's blade, but then again, I'm sure trainers wouldn't generally command their scythers to hack their opponents to pieces. xD
Yeah, true. D: (Oh, really?) Well I don't think length like that matters--I mean, sometimes I think that about some scenes in my stories too, but at the same time, I figure that, hey. I've done ALL that writing, so I'm not going to scrap it. xD Besides, if it serves a purpose in the end, then it should be fine. And long battles can be really interesting. o: And you do battles really well, so I'm sure what you've got will be adequate. D: Don't scrap it!

Yay! :D Ahahah, thanks. :3 So are yours. xD Yeah, these kinds of comments are awesome!

~GS.
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  #428  
Old 05-28-2011, 12:36 PM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

Quote:
Oh, I see! :D I'll keep it then. xD Yeah. And I have all the parts for the other posts of my chapters, so it wouldn't work anyway. xD

Woo!

Okay, sure. o: I'll make it obvious then. :3

Good. xD I like it to be easily imaginable, especially since I tend to muck up sentences an the imagery may get lost in translation. xD

xDDD YOU FALLED SO HARDLY.

ACTUALLY I THINK IT'S VERY JUDGMENTAL OF YOU. JUST BECAUSE HE'S A MUTANT, SHEESH!
All right! I thought it worked just fine!

Okay! I hate when things get confusing sometimes. xD

Yeah, well I think you've really improved on that from the older chapters!

I KNOW. ;-; BUT I'M POSITIVE THINKING!

GOSH! I DIDN'T SAY I HATED HIM OR ANYTHING! I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS FREAKY. WHY ARE YOU SO JUDGMENTAL OF ME?


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Yaaaaaay. Thanks. :3 Ahh, right. I think that's what I need to work on--mostly my stories are tame and I tend to have convenience really present, which I need to remove. Thanks! It's good I'm improving, and that I know where to improve. Wow, awesome. xD (Yeah, haha, I guess it's kind of obvious she isn't going to die anytime soon since it's from her point of view. xD) Ahahaha, really? xDDDDDDD That's such a funny image! xD But I'm glad it was that kind of a moment. ;3
Yeah, definitely, ahaha. I agree. He'll learn so much from them that he won't think to question; growing up as a Team Rocket pokemon is not something to look forward to. Dx
:D I totally agree. That's why I've always liked the anime--because we see pokemon doing so many other things than what you can do with them in a game. I agree, like a really powerful enemy that dominates the battles and stuff.

And that I could read them! Dx
Yeah, I see what you mean. I think moving away from convenience/safety more would be a great improvement to it and add a more unpredictable/suspenseful/exciting edge to it. (Yeah, I knew she wouldn't die, but there was still a lot of suspense because I had no idea HOW she was going to get out of there/if she was going to be injured or something.) XD Yeah! Yeah, I know. That's kind of freaky. I have a feeling he'll eventually realize what he's doing is wrong, though, either on his own or with the help of someone else.

Yeah, me too! The battles used the environment and other stuff and the outcomes were more unpredictable. Yeah, exactly! Or a protagonists that beats a pokemon mercilessly and then later realizes what he/she did was wrong, or something.

Yeah... D:


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She'll probably ask someone else who knows, like Aemara or something. As for conversation with Shard, I don't think that will happen anytime soon. Since they're kind of on bad terms. xDD But yeah, it's partly interpreting it for now, I suppose.

Haha, well it's good you remembered then. xD Yush. I love it when that happens too! :D I guess that's how characters get theme songs too. xDD Yeah... D: Ahh, right. Well his fear for other fire types still remains, but he's definitely still uncomfortable around her due to his fear, but yeah, it's not so much fear towards her now, when previously it was. And yeah, he'd have bottled up anger as well as fear for them because of what happened to him.
Oh, okay. Well, I sure hope she finds out, because I'm curious!

Yeah, theme songs are awesome! I just wish I could find some for my important characters that don't have them. xD And yeah, that makes sense!


Quote:
xDDDDDD (Good point. xD) Yeah, I see. I'm so glad I did! xD Yeah, haha, that would be TOO angry! xDD I agree. She didn't have a particular interest in befriending him because she thought he hated her for some reason (when it was actually the fear that she mistook for dislike), but I bet once she got to know him, she would have realised he's really friendly and loyal, and an overall good pokemon.

I bet, especially since nobody would have put themselves in his place. Yeah, I agree... I realised that it was happening in this story too, which is why I needed some characters to make Dusty realise that what she did was wrong, or to make her feel remorseful at least. Prior to this, she figured it just had to be done. (I know! That makes no sense!) xDD Nah, she's hasty, but not that hasty. Especially since she and Shard are quite close friends. But yeah, haha, she is really small compared to him. xD
Well as long as you're editing afterward... xD Yeah, I agree! Wouldn't want Shard to go crazy and attack other pokemon or anything! I think so too...I hope she can, one day.

Yep, people would mostly think he was just evil or deserving it. Yeah, I'm glad you did that! Otherwise it wouldn't make much sense at all, and be too black and white. I know! And yeah, I assumed they were!

Quote:
Yay. ^^ And yes, Zhol knows that too. Yep. xDD Ahaha, also, what did you think when Dusty accidentally said 'death' but Wynore didn't hear her? xD (XXXDDDDDDDDD That was the reaction I was going for!) Yeah, I totally agree. And it might even calm things between Dusty and Wynore & Shard. And yes, in front of them all would be better. xDD Well I don't think they're the sort of pokemon to go off and tell anyone anyway, but, rather, pressure her into revealing the truth. Then again, they don't know the full-fledged truth, I suppose. Besides Dusty, only Zhol does. o:

Yeah, haha, I see. :3 Pretty much. :D
Yeah. xD Well, really, I wanted to slap her. In the face. With French Bob. Yeah, I think they'd be a bit less angry/more forgiving if they saw her tell EVERYONE, not just them, by her own choice. It wouldn't make up for everything, but it would certainly help her start to make things right, even if it's only a little. Yeah, but I don't think they would have kept it a secret if she wouldn't tell. I can imagine them dragging her in front of everyone and trying to make her tell them, but if she didn't, that they'd say it because they wouldn't want everyone else in the dark like they had to be. But I'm glad she's going to do it herself. She just better do it right away, because I don't want to spend any more time being ticked off at the main character because she postponed it...that would make it hard for me to enjoy the story at all at this point (since she's done it so many times). It's time for her to finally do what's right.


Quote:
xD Mm. I'm glad she doesn't seem like just some psycho ursaring. xD I mean, she probably is overreacting a tiny bit, but I guess she doesn't know how to act in any other way. (Oh, I was actually questioning THEM about that, not you. xD As in, being like "DUH AUTHORS SHEESH. xD) Yeah, definitely! Then it doesn't count as a flaw, and then there is no flaw. xD Ugh, I do too! It's hard to dodge, which a lot of people don't recognise. I mean, it's hard to know where your opponent would strike as well. YES ALL THE TIME. Yeah, I think that's pretty much why--I guess it would be because they're afraid of a scyther's blade, but then again, I'm sure trainers wouldn't generally command their scythers to hack their opponents to pieces. xD
Yeah, true. D: (Oh, really?) Well I don't think length like that matters--I mean, sometimes I think that about some scenes in my stories too, but at the same time, I figure that, hey. I've done ALL that writing, so I'm not going to scrap it. xD Besides, if it serves a purpose in the end, then it should be fine. And long battles can be really interesting. o: And you do battles really well, so I'm sure what you've got will be adequate. D: Don't scrap it!

Yay! :D Ahahah, thanks. :3 So are yours. xD Yeah, these kinds of comments are awesome!

~GS.
Honestly I didn't think she was overreacting at all. What Dusty put her and everyone through was awful...I actually admired her a lot from not hurting Dusty after what she did to her. I mean, she did lose her temper, but considering her circumstances, it was understandable why. (Oh, okay. o:) Exactly! It isn't a flaw if it only works in a convenient way! And yeah, why don't people get that? The games don't have pokemon dodging all the time, and it's HARD. And dodging a scyther would be very hard ONCE, nearly impossible to do twice. And exactly! Especially a gym leader (which is where I mostly see this). A scyther would be looking to wound its opponent (like, you know, any pokemon), not kill it!

Yeah, I see what you mean. I'm just kind of worried it drags on too long. And the scene is not all a battle. There is some fighting, but most of the scene isn't about that. So I'm not sure (as there's not a lot of action going on in the other parts of it).

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Old 05-29-2011, 02:34 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
All right! I thought it worked just fine!

Okay! I hate when things get confusing sometimes. xD

Yeah, well I think you've really improved on that from the older chapters!

I KNOW. ;-; BUT I'M POSITIVE THINKING!

GOSH! I DIDN'T SAY I HATED HIM OR ANYTHING! I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS FREAKY. WHY ARE YOU SO JUDGMENTAL OF ME?
'Kay. :3 I'll keep it then. xD

xDDD Me too, haha.

Sounds good! :D I'll take that into practice.

YOU CAN'T BE POSITIVE THINKING ANYMORE. GO HOME.

GOSH JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK HE'S FREAKY. ARE YOU BEING JUDGMENTAL OF ME BEING JUDGMENTAL OF YOU?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Yeah, I see what you mean. I think moving away from convenience/safety more would be a great improvement to it and add a more unpredictable/suspenseful/exciting edge to it. (Yeah, I knew she wouldn't die, but there was still a lot of suspense because I had no idea HOW she was going to get out of there/if she was going to be injured or something.) XD Yeah! Yeah, I know. That's kind of freaky. I have a feeling he'll eventually realize what he's doing is wrong, though, either on his own or with the help of someone else.

Yeah, me too! The battles used the environment and other stuff and the outcomes were more unpredictable. Yeah, exactly! Or a protagonists that beats a pokemon mercilessly and then later realizes what he/she did was wrong, or something.

Yeah... D:
Definitely! :D I'm glad we can see things similarly. xD And that we know what needs improvement. I think that's one of the things in your story that I've admired a lot: that your story is always really unpredictable and there's not that convenience/safety element there. (Hahaha, well I'm glad it can still be suspenseful because of those things!) Yeah. I guess we'll have to see!

Yeah, I totally agree. I always liked that strategy had to come into play in most battles, especially Ash's battles against gym leaders! Ahaha, now I want to watch some old anime episodes. xDD Yeah.

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Oh, okay. Well, I sure hope she finds out, because I'm curious!

Yeah, theme songs are awesome! I just wish I could find some for my important characters that don't have them. xD And yeah, that makes sense!

Well as long as you're editing afterward... xD Yeah, I agree! Wouldn't want Shard to go crazy and attack other pokemon or anything! I think so too...I hope she can, one day.

Yep, people would mostly think he was just evil or deserving it. Yeah, I'm glad you did that! Otherwise it wouldn't make much sense at all, and be too black and white. I know! And yeah, I assumed they were!
Haha, like Stormblade's theme, which always seems to come on when I'm talking to you. xD Yeah, that would be good. But I guess it's better to come across fitting songs rather than find ones specifically for that purpose, which makes it even more awesome when you listen to a song and realise it's perfect for a character.

Yeah, of course. xD Well I meant that, of course I think while writing all those things, and I especially imagine everything that's happening, but I meant that I don't overthink everything I'm writing, as in, I kind of write from the heart rather than the head. xD If that makes sense. It's not that I'm not paying attention or that I'm ignorant about certain things in the story, it's that I write in a "natural" kind of way, as opposed to thinking, "Oh...what comes next? How does that character react?" etc. xD No, haha, but he wouldn't do that.

Pretty much--it's the whole attacking the pokemon because of the trainer thing again. Dx Yeah, when things are black and white, the story takes a turn for the worse.

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Yeah. xD Well, really, I wanted to slap her. In the face. With French Bob. Yeah, I think they'd be a bit less angry/more forgiving if they saw her tell EVERYONE, not just them, by her own choice. It wouldn't make up for everything, but it would certainly help her start to make things right, even if it's only a little. Yeah, but I don't think they would have kept it a secret if she wouldn't tell. I can imagine them dragging her in front of everyone and trying to make her tell them, but if she didn't, that they'd say it because they wouldn't want everyone else in the dark like they had to be. But I'm glad she's going to do it herself. She just better do it right away, because I don't want to spend any more time being ticked off at the main character because she postponed it...that would make it hard for me to enjoy the story at all at this point (since she's done it so many times). It's time for her to finally do what's right.
xDDDD You wanted to slap her. xDDD With French Bob! xD I agree, because it's more noble and stuff... o: Yeah, true. One step at a time! True. Although I imagine they'll give her some time to do it herself first, but yeah, if it has to come to that, then it probably will. Oh...haha...well... She might not have a chance right away... xDx

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Honestly I didn't think she was overreacting at all. What Dusty put her and everyone through was awful...I actually admired her a lot from not hurting Dusty after what she did to her. I mean, she did lose her temper, but considering her circumstances, it was understandable why. (Oh, okay. o:) Exactly! It isn't a flaw if it only works in a convenient way! And yeah, why don't people get that? The games don't have pokemon dodging all the time, and it's HARD. And dodging a scyther would be very hard ONCE, nearly impossible to do twice. And exactly! Especially a gym leader (which is where I mostly see this). A scyther would be looking to wound its opponent (like, you know, any pokemon), not kill it!

Yeah, I see what you mean. I'm just kind of worried it drags on too long. And the scene is not all a battle. There is some fighting, but most of the scene isn't about that. So I'm not sure (as there's not a lot of action going on in the other parts of it).

Yes they are!
That's good. That's a very good point, and she probably can't help but feel that way. Well...truthfully she would have kept knocking her down if Zhol hadn't broken the situation up, but yeah, it would have taken a lot of restraint for her to keep herself from injuring her further. Yeah. xD Exactly, haha. I have no idea! Dx Yeah, in the games, you're extremely lucky if your pokemon avoids an attack. It is! Especially considering a scyther's speed, and their accuracy would be spot-on as well. Yeah, gym leaders, definitely. Yeah. It's just a shame that whenever a scyther goes to attack a pokemon, they're portrayed as doing so evilly, rather than doing it because that's what happens in battles.

Ahh, I see. Oh, right. Well if a lot of it's dialogue and whatnot, then that's great. :D I always love conversations in stories, because I love character focus. :3 And trust me, heaps of my scenes in this story drag for a long time, even while nothing important is actually happening. xD Whereas yours is important, so I'd imagine it's great how it is.

~GS.
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  #430  
Old 05-29-2011, 04:59 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

Quote:
'Kay. :3 I'll keep it then. xD

xDDD Me too, haha.

Sounds good! :D I'll take that into practice.

YOU CAN'T BE POSITIVE THINKING ANYMORE. GO HOME.

GOSH JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK HE'S FREAKY. ARE YOU BEING JUDGMENTAL OF ME BEING JUDGMENTAL OF YOU?!
All right!

Okay! I'm really looking forward to wherever this story is going to go.

BICLOOP SAID I COULD STAY!

I DIDN'T SAY HE WAS FREAKY!!! I SAID THE SCYTHER ATTACHED TO HIS ARM WAS FREAKY!!! STOP ASSUMING THINGS!!! YOU'RE BEING MUCH MORE JUDGMENTAL!!!


Quote:
Definitely! :D I'm glad we can see things similarly. xD And that we know what needs improvement. I think that's one of the things in your story that I've admired a lot: that your story is always really unpredictable and there's not that convenience/safety element there. (Hahaha, well I'm glad it can still be suspenseful because of those things!) Yeah. I guess we'll have to see!

Yeah, I totally agree. I always liked that strategy had to come into play in most battles, especially Ash's battles against gym leaders! Ahaha, now I want to watch some old anime episodes. xDD Yeah.
Yeah, I'm glad too! I can't wait to see what becomes of this and your other stories...I always want to read ones that are exciting and unpredictable, but it's hard to find stories with that sort of danger (well I guess not with pokemon stories, but with ones focusing on the pokemon themselves, it is). And that's really awesome you admired it! (Yeah, I think the whole situation was kind of a surprise, too. One other thing I really expected was for them to take her prisoner, and I was surprised when it didn't happen.) Yep!

Me too! It wasn't as simple as choosing attacks. I need to figure out some creative ways for battling in my stories. Especially things like Mind Whisperer where there will be a lot of battles.


Quote:
Haha, like Stormblade's theme, which always seems to come on when I'm talking to you. xD Yeah, that would be good. But I guess it's better to come across fitting songs rather than find ones specifically for that purpose, which makes it even more awesome when you listen to a song and realise it's perfect for a character.

Yeah, of course. xD Well I meant that, of course I think while writing all those things, and I especially imagine everything that's happening, but I meant that I don't overthink everything I'm writing, as in, I kind of write from the heart rather than the head. xD If that makes sense. It's not that I'm not paying attention or that I'm ignorant about certain things in the story, it's that I write in a "natural" kind of way, as opposed to thinking, "Oh...what comes next? How does that character react?" etc. xD No, haha, but he wouldn't do that.

Pretty much--it's the whole attacking the pokemon because of the trainer thing again. Dx Yeah, when things are black and white, the story takes a turn for the worse.
Oh, I know that. o: I just meant I wish I could come across them. For some characters I never have (and might not ever, I guess).

Oh, I know what you meant! xD And I think that's a great way to do it, leave the over thinking for the editing part and just write in an inspired way in the beginning.

Yep... >.< And it does, especially when combined with the "looks decide if you're good or evil" thing.


Quote:
xDDDD You wanted to slap her. xDDD With French Bob! xD I agree, because it's more noble and stuff... o: Yeah, true. One step at a time! True. Although I imagine they'll give her some time to do it herself first, but yeah, if it has to come to that, then it probably will. Oh...haha...well... She might not have a chance right away... xDx
With French Bob while he's shouting nonsense about unoriginality. XD Though I personally believe she DOES have to do it right away, or at least as soon as possible (like that night, or something), because making them wait any longer than that is just plain cruel, no matter what her reasons. I think she needs to stop focusing on how SHE feels, and do what's best for the colony pokemon regardless of how hard it is for her, ESPECIALLY after what she did earlier. I really don't want this to drag on (whether by other circumstances or (especially) her choosing). I think it's mainly that, for me, the whole secret thing has stopped being suspenseful (for lack of a better word) and interesting in a story sense, and just gotten extremely frustrating and hard to read. That's why I was happy with this chapter when things changed a bit, and Dusty knows what she needs to do. Even though it didn't come out in this one like I'd hoped, there was a change to it and a much more hopeful outlook of that being solved, so in the end I didn't mind it being postponed in this case. Although I'm sure the pokemon realizing she lied won't be pretty, I'm looking forward to them finally learning the truth and for the worst to be over with. I wonder if Zhol would help her, since she knows what happened too. Maybe they'll do it together, who knows (well, you do, but still xD). I'll have to see how the next events turn out before I can really judge, but these are my thoughts about it right now.


Quote:
That's good. That's a very good point, and she probably can't help but feel that way. Well...truthfully she would have kept knocking her down if Zhol hadn't broken the situation up, but yeah, it would have taken a lot of restraint for her to keep herself from injuring her further. Yeah. xD Exactly, haha. I have no idea! Dx Yeah, in the games, you're extremely lucky if your pokemon avoids an attack. It is! Especially considering a scyther's speed, and their accuracy would be spot-on as well. Yeah, gym leaders, definitely. Yeah. It's just a shame that whenever a scyther goes to attack a pokemon, they're portrayed as doing so evilly, rather than doing it because that's what happens in battles.

Ahh, I see. Oh, right. Well if a lot of it's dialogue and whatnot, then that's great. :D I always love conversations in stories, because I love character focus. :3 And trust me, heaps of my scenes in this story drag for a long time, even while nothing important is actually happening. xD Whereas yours is important, so I'd imagine it's great how it is.

~GS.
Yeah, I mean, it wasn't right for her to attack Dusty, but this was her MATE she was lying about, then refusing to tell her what happened. I mean, think if someone refused to let you know what happened to a loved one, refused to let you know if they were even ALIVE, because they found it too hard for themselves to tell the truth, how you would feel. Oh, I see...well, still, it's understandable, even if it's not right. And that's what I was thinking! Dodging in the games doesn't happen often, and for a good reason! And yeah, everyone seems to imagine scythers really slow! (Or their pokemon impossibly fast when they have no reason to be). Yeah, I especially don't get the bad guys' pokemon always being evil. I mean, yeah, some could definitely share their Master's views, but that doesn't mean they all have to be taunting and evil sounding or like torturing, just because they're on the bad side. (And they don't all have to be cowards, either!)

Well, dialogue and a little random side adventure. xD But I'm glad you think it'll be important! I promised lots of plotty stuff in that chapter, but I guess it'll have to wait until the next one because (as usual) it's turning out too long and it would be better to split. But I'll see how it goes!
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  #431  
Old 06-06-2011, 08:59 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
All right!

Okay! I'm really looking forward to wherever this story is going to go.

BICLOOP SAID I COULD STAY!

I DIDN'T SAY HE WAS FREAKY!!! I SAID THE SCYTHER ATTACHED TO HIS ARM WAS FREAKY!!! STOP ASSUMING THINGS!!! YOU'RE BEING MUCH MORE JUDGMENTAL!!!
Yay. c: Me too. I gotta get writing again.

WELL HE ALSO FALLED HARDLY SO HE DOESN'T COUNT.

OH SORRY... BOB ACTUALLY HAS HIS WATER GUN UP AT MY HEAD AND HE'S TELLING ME WHAT TO SAY!1!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Yeah, I'm glad too! I can't wait to see what becomes of this and your other stories...I always want to read ones that are exciting and unpredictable, but it's hard to find stories with that sort of danger (well I guess not with pokemon stories, but with ones focusing on the pokemon themselves, it is). And that's really awesome you admired it! (Yeah, I think the whole situation was kind of a surprise, too. One other thing I really expected was for them to take her prisoner, and I was surprised when it didn't happen.) Yep!

Me too! It wasn't as simple as choosing attacks. I need to figure out some creative ways for battling in my stories. Especially things like Mind Whisperer where there will be a lot of battles.
Ehehe, yes, and my other stories. xD I should work on Howling...and that one I told you about ages ago with the arena fighting and a scyther. o: Yeah, I think you're right. A lot of stories (especially on ff.net) are pretty straight-forward with their ideas, and like I've pretty much always stuck to, they seem safe and not unpredictable a lot. Of course, that's a generalisation and there are many exciting ones that we could come across here and there, but yeah... Hehe, yes, well it's something I was never really good at, and I admired that you were. My favourite scenes from PoD are danger scenes. xD (Oh, wow, really? Hahha, hadn't really thought of that, but that's a cool interpretation.)

Your battles are pretty unpredictable most of the time anyway. :3 The scene where Snow and the group battled the pokemon on Articuno's mountain has always stuck with me, and it was very unpredictable and exciting. *v*

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Oh, I know that. o: I just meant I wish I could come across them. For some characters I never have (and might not ever, I guess).

Oh, I know what you meant! xD And I think that's a great way to do it, leave the over thinking for the editing part and just write in an inspired way in the beginning.

Yep... >.< And it does, especially when combined with the "looks decide if you're good or evil" thing.
Ohh, yeah, totally. It would be cool to have one theme per character at least!

Okay. xD Good, haha. Yeah, that's a good idea.

Pretty much... It's funny though; I've never chosen the species of a villain based on a pokemon's appearance. xD Like, even before I was aware of the whole "don't do that because it's narrow-minded" thing. x3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
With French Bob while he's shouting nonsense about unoriginality. XD Though I personally believe she DOES have to do it right away, or at least as soon as possible (like that night, or something), because making them wait any longer than that is just plain cruel, no matter what her reasons. I think she needs to stop focusing on how SHE feels, and do what's best for the colony pokemon regardless of how hard it is for her, ESPECIALLY after what she did earlier. I really don't want this to drag on (whether by other circumstances or (especially) her choosing). I think it's mainly that, for me, the whole secret thing has stopped being suspenseful (for lack of a better word) and interesting in a story sense, and just gotten extremely frustrating and hard to read. That's why I was happy with this chapter when things changed a bit, and Dusty knows what she needs to do. Even though it didn't come out in this one like I'd hoped, there was a change to it and a much more hopeful outlook of that being solved, so in the end I didn't mind it being postponed in this case. Although I'm sure the pokemon realizing she lied won't be pretty, I'm looking forward to them finally learning the truth and for the worst to be over with. I wonder if Zhol would help her, since she knows what happened too. Maybe they'll do it together, who knows (well, you do, but still xD). I'll have to see how the next events turn out before I can really judge, but these are my thoughts about it right now.
Ahahaa, so he'd be verbally abusing her while physically abusing her? xD Yeah, I see what you mean. By the end of the day. I agree. xD She's a bit self-centered, and even if she's thinking of the other pokemon in saying that she doesn't want to sadden them, it's still silly she would keep it from them; it's not supposed to be up to her. But because it is, then there are obviously problems. Yeah, I see what you mean, and it's kind of like dragging on when it's a little unnecessary. Ugh, that changes things if you think I should have her confess sooner... Well, I have a time in mind, so I'll stick to that, even if it means it might not happen for a few chapters. D: But don't worry; a chapters won't mean days. It'll just mean you have to wait a bit. x3 (xDDD Ahaha, good point.) But yeah. I like hearing your thoughts. :3

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Yeah, I mean, it wasn't right for her to attack Dusty, but this was her MATE she was lying about, then refusing to tell her what happened. I mean, think if someone refused to let you know what happened to a loved one, refused to let you know if they were even ALIVE, because they found it too hard for themselves to tell the truth, how you would feel. Oh, I see...well, still, it's understandable, even if it's not right. And that's what I was thinking! Dodging in the games doesn't happen often, and for a good reason! And yeah, everyone seems to imagine scythers really slow! (Or their pokemon impossibly fast when they have no reason to be). Yeah, I especially don't get the bad guys' pokemon always being evil. I mean, yeah, some could definitely share their Master's views, but that doesn't mean they all have to be taunting and evil sounding or like torturing, just because they're on the bad side. (And they don't all have to be cowards, either!)

Well, dialogue and a little random side adventure. xD But I'm glad you think it'll be important! I promised lots of plotty stuff in that chapter, but I guess it'll have to wait until the next one because (as usual) it's turning out too long and it would be better to split. But I'll see how it goes!
Yeah, true. She's pretty justified. Putting it that way, one would definitely know how bad it is that she's keeping it from everyone. Yeah, definitely! (Yeah, even probably slow pokemon who wouldn't stand a chance no matter what--even if the scyther had been run into by a miniature scyther and magically broke a leg (xDD get it?).) Definitely. And then those who DON'T want to be evil seem non-existent. Dx

Ahh, okay. xD I love side adventures. xD Of course I do! Okay, haha. Sounds good. Alrighty. :3 Well I hope you're able to write it soon!
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  #432  
Old 06-12-2011, 03:20 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

-insert adoration here-

FRIED EGGS!
P.S. I hate Sed now

It's past eleven here so I really don't have the patience to write one of my little pseudo reviews. Just trollin'.
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  #433  
Old 06-12-2011, 08:52 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

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Originally Posted by Velocity View Post
-insert adoration here-

FRIED EGGS!
P.S. I hate Sed now

It's past eleven here so I really don't have the patience to write one of my little pseudo reviews. Just trollin'.
8D

Ahaha, yes, fried eggs. :3 Yeah, he's a little messed up. D: But I feel sorry for him at the same time.

That's okay. xD As long as you read and enjoyed - or even just read - I'm happy! :D

~GS.
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  #434  
Old 06-14-2011, 02:00 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

Hrm. I can't really blame Sed for what he did. I mean, the torture he must have gone through...He needs an outlet for his anger, and it unfortunately happened to be Dusty.

As for Shard...He needs to be more gentle. That being said, he obviously hates Fire Types XP I can tell you right now though that if he ever tried that with any of my characters, he wouldn't get an answer.

Well, he might with Domino...That dog is a chicken. Ha ha XD


Nicely done ;) Sorry I don't have more to say...Never have been a big speaker.
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  #435  
Old 06-15-2011, 01:58 AM
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grassy_Aggron View Post
Hrm. I can't really blame Sed for what he did. I mean, the torture he must have gone through...He needs an outlet for his anger, and it unfortunately happened to be Dusty.

As for Shard...He needs to be more gentle. That being said, he obviously hates Fire Types XP I can tell you right now though that if he ever tried that with any of my characters, he wouldn't get an answer.

Well, he might with Domino...That dog is a chicken. Ha ha XD

Nicely done ;) Sorry I don't have more to say...Never have been a big speaker.
Yep, definitely. I'm glad you see it that way; I don't really blame him either. It's definitely hard what he's been through. D:

xDD Pretty much. Well he has reason to snap, I guess, plus he was calm compared to Wynore. xD Hahaha, well Dusty probably usually wouldn't take a lecture, but she's a bit confused about it all, and distressed for a few reasons. She's realised that what she's done is terribly wrong, and she's guilty and confused. Dx

xDD Ahaha, a chicken-dog?

Thank you! 8D It's okay; I don't mind. xD Besides, I have Scy to make massively long comments, haha.

~GS.
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Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.
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