Nightmare Platinum: A Creepypasta by UltimateBrawl

[UltimateBrawl]

Ok, so I wrote a creepypasta for Pokemon Platinum, and I want you guys to tell me what you think. Also, ways to improve it would be much appreciated!

Edit: Due to some tips, I've changed some things to increase the scare factor.

NIGHTMARE PLATINUM

Don't get me wrong, I love Pokemon. Even now, I want Pokemon White desperately so I can have Zekrom. However, my favorite game is Heartgold. It used to be Platinum. Used to be. Want to know why? Of course you do. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here. Here it is.

I loved Pokemon Pearl. Especially after I discovered Giratina in Turnback Cave. I caught him easily, and left the cave, proud of myself. At the Pokemon Center, I traded out my weakest Pokemon for my new Giratina. I trained him and trained him, eventually hitting level 100. Teamed with my starter, he was unstoppable. He was my favorite Pokemon. When I heard of Platinum, I naturally got excited.

A year or so later, my granny gave it to me. I took it home and started playing. Pure bliss. I eventually got to Mt. Coronet a few weeks later. I realized how late it was, saved, turned it off, took out the game, placed it on my bedside table, and went to sleep.

I woke up early next morning in a sweat. I tried to get back to sleep, but I had had a terrible dream of my Platinum team being murdered by something on Spear Pillar. I pondered a minute, then decided it was probably because why I had stayed up till 11 o' clock. I shrugged it of and leaned over to grab my DS. I also picked up Platinum.

I slid in the cartridge. I was groggy, and my glasses weren't on. The awesome Origin Giratina picture makes me grin every time I see it, and this time was no exception. I started playing, appearing in front of the entrance to Mt. Coronet. Upon entering, I noticed there was blood on the walls. There were also bodies of Team Galactic members everywhere.

Upon investigating one, my character said ''Serves them right.'' I shivered, but continued on.

I finally met one member who was still barely alive.

I checked him. He told me, ''Turn back! For you and your Pokemon's sakes, turn back…'' He said no more. I trembled again, but ignored his advice and continued on, eventually reaching Spear Pillar. I smiled, hoping that this was it and the game would stop being freaky. My hopes were dashed when I saw something completely off. Lying one the ground, their bodies mutilated, were Palkia and Dialga. Cyrus was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly, text came up. ''Ah, more of you? You're a bunch of fools. I will end your pitiful existence!'' I heard a pokemon cry, and the screen flashed white. When the white went away, I saw Giratina, but he had blood all over him. He also had a sadistic grin and looked…. hungry. This freaked me out, but I sent out Empoleon. I lobbed a Master Ball.

''Giratina used Shadow Force!'' The master ball exploded. WTF?! I thought.

''Giratina used Hyper Beam!'' Empoleon was K.O.d, or so I thought. I sent out Rotom and went to my bag and selected a Max Revive. However, Empoleon had vanished. In his place was the word, ''Fatality.'' I stopped trying to use the Max Revive and used Shock Wave.

''Giratina avoided the attack!''

Now this was even stranger. Shock Wave never misses. And yet, Giratina avoided it.

''Giratina used Perish song!'' A distorted melody floated out of the speakers. Suddenly, right before my eyes, Rotom fell to pieces. My mouth dropped open. In desperation, I sent out my next Pokemon. Each time, the death animation was more gruesome than the last, until Giratina straight up devoured my Shinx.

''You are out of usable Pokemon! Would you like to run?'' I hit 'Yes'.

''Can't flee this fight! Giratina used Shadow Force!'' Giratina vanished, then reappeared and slashed my character in half. The screen switched to pixel art that looked exactly like my dream. Trembling, I turned off the game, ripped out the ''game'' and threw it on the floor. It shattered into tiny fragments. I swear I heard a scream of anger. I stared at the remains for a minute, then looked at my table. My real copy of the game was sitting there, face down. I could have sworn I put it face-up.... I grabbed it, placed it in my DS, and started playing. I then proceeded to make my way through the real Mt. Coronet with no trouble.

I have endlessly wondered where that fake cartridge came from. In the years to come, I would come to call it Nightmare Platinum.

[Giratina]

Hmm. Well, for a creepypasta, I would avoid putting something too out of the ordinary in the first few paragraphs; for example, your oddly-colored Pokémon game. Just by seeing that, the reader is tipped off that something nasty is going to happen, and that will dull their reaction when the something nasty really does happen. Furthermore, the limitations of sprites in the game make it impossible for a Galactic Grunt's sprite to reach up and grab your character. It's these little inconsistencies that take away from the flow of the story, which in a creepypasta is a (forgive the pun) fatal mistake.

Also, I really want someone to make a Nightmare Platinum ROM now.

[UltimateBrawl]

Thanks for the help. And you really want one? Wow, I should see about one getting made. If you'll believe it, the original idea was to have Giratina turn into a demonic monster. Glad I changed that.

Edit: I have begun work on the required sprites. Currently working on Giratina. Once the sprites are done, I'll contact someone to program it. Also, I have an idea. The only way to beat Giratina in NP is if you have Arceus in your team. You can get him through a Christmas event in Celestia Town. However, by NO means will it have a happy ending!