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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 09-03-2011, 06:25 PM
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Default MLP: Legend of Darkness(READ BEFORE POSTING, PLEASE)

This is my newest creation, a Zelda and Friendship is Magic crossover. Please give tips on how to improve.

Prolouge




''YES!'' Rainbow yelled. ''It's finally Halloween!'' She shot into the air and began doing loop-de-loops... and knocked over a pile of books. Rainbow was a bright blue pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail. Across the room, a unicorn had been rearranging books. She was purple with dark purple hair, which had pinkish stripes running down it.

The unicorn, named Twilight Sparkle(Twilight for short) sighed. ''What's with you lately? You've been getting excited over the smallest things.'' She paused to think, then continued. ''Is something up?''

''Oh, nothing! Just that Halloween is one of the COOLEST holidays EVER!'' Rainbow yelled excitedly. ''You can get candy, wear costumes, scare people for no reason...''

Twilight rolled her eyes. ''Well, would you mind not knocking over everything in sight? I've rearranged those books 5 times now 'cause you keep knocking them over.''

''Yeah yeah, whatever,'' Rainbow said. ''Did you hear about that new guy who moved in?'' Twilight looked at her. ''What does he look like? Maybe I saw him earlier.''

''Lemme see...'' Rainbow landed on a chair, put her elbow on the table, and rested her head on her hoof. ''He's got white hair, black skin, a grey tail, and these red eyes...'' She looked at her friend. ''Kinda creepy, to be honest. He's always asleep in the day, only comes out at night apparently.''

''And you heard this where?'' Twilight asked. ''Saw him when I was clearing up those clouds last night. He was using magic to levitate a knife.'' A knife? Twilight thought. ''What kinda knife?''

''I think it was a kitchen knife. He kept cutting apples in half,'' Rainbow muttered.

Twilight seemed a little disturbed. ''Well, at least I know who he is. His name is Dark Night. He's an expert at dark magic.'' She lifted the last book and put it on the pile. ''There,'' she said, smiling. ''NOW I can continue my research.''

''Of what?'' Rainbow asked. Twilight turned towards her. ''There's been tales of some dark force around the woods recently. Celestia's asked me to look into it.''

''Like Nightma-'' ''No,'' Twilight interrupted. ''Bigger. Stronger.'' ''Oh well. I'd better see Rarity about my costume. See ya!'' Rainbow rushed out the window.

Twilight rolled her eyes. ''At least she's not-'' ''TWILIGHT!!'' A pink pony with poofy hair dashed in and crashed into her with enough force to bring the books down on them.

''*cough* Pinkie, what do YOU want?!'' Twilight demanded. ''OHMIGAWDITSHALLOWEEN!!'' The pony screamed excitedly.

''Oh, good grief...'' Twilight pushed the pony, named Pinkie Pie, off and levitated the books off her. She then got to her feet. ''UGH, I give up,'' she muttered.

''Hey, Twilight!'' A small young dragon ran in, holding a rolled up sheet of paper. ''It's a letter from Celestia!''

Twilight rolled her eyes. ''Ok, Spike, give it to me.'' He obliged. Using her magic, Twilight Sparkle opened the letter. This is what it said.

Dear Twilight,

Recently, I made an alarming discoverey. While helping Luna along with her studies, I found out that the same creature whose presence possessed her is returning in full force. This time, if he gets to Luna, it will be permanent. I want you to employ the help of a unicorn who arrived recently. His name is Dark Night. His skill with dark magic will allow him to track the creature.

Your friend,
Princess Celestia

P.S. I believe this may be the force in the forest. I've drawn a map on the back that will lead you to the source.

''Hmmm...'' Twilight turned the map over. It was an incredibly accurate map of the Everfree Forest, with listings of where certain creatures lurked(Twilight made a mental note to stay as far away as possible from the spot marked ''Cockatrice Nest''). It also had an area circled that read ''Most likely spot, check here first''. She rolled it up and put in a bag. ''Pinkie, get the others and Dark Night. We're going to the forest.''

Later that day...

''So, let me get this straight,'' Dark said. ''You want me to help you find some made-up dark force?'' He turned around. ''I've got better things to do.''

Twilight cocked her head to the side in confusion. ''Like what?''

Dark rolled his eyes. ''I've been working on a way to perform necromancy in the blink of an eye. That way, if I'm ever in a fight with others at my side, I could revive them in an instant.''

Necromancy? Twilight thought. ''What's necromancy?'' Dark turned back to her. ''It's magic performed upon or drawing power from the dead. The most basic form is ressurection of someone who was murdered,'' he replied.

This unnerved Twilight. ''That sounds complicated.'' Dark Night grinned. ''It is. However, by implanting magicly a piece of a blackened skull in my horn, it takes less than a second. I'm just working on merging my horn and the bone.''

He turned around again. Only then did Twlight Sparkle see the table with candles and a small, burned piece of bone. Dark lifted his head, and his horn began to turn balck. He waited until it was completely black, then began chanting.

''By the power in my soul, the darkness in my heart, and the fires of Hell itself, I command you, Death, give me free reign over the coming and going of souls whose time came early! Give me the power to bring back those who died young!'' Black beams began firing from his horn. Each one destroyed a section of wall. Finally, one last beam connected with the bone. There was a flash, a cackle, then it all stopped. Dark Night almost crumpled, but managed to keep standing. He turned and said, ''All right. Let's go.''

Several hours passed in the forest. Dark Night was beginning to pick up a trail of dark power. ''Hmmm... Whatever this thing is, it's certainly powerful, and just up ahead.'' They stopped. Dark peeked through some bushes, followed by the others. They saw...

A pure black alicorn standing over an earth pony, which was brown with a white stripe running down the middle. The alicorn leaned down and said, ''You never should have tried to defeat me. Without the Master Sword, you're nothing.'' He then stood up and teleported. The ponies waited, then walked into the clearing.

The earth pony was covered in wounds and burns. He was barely breathing. They were all thinking the same thing; if something wasn't done soon, he would die.

Twilight whipped around to look at a bright yellow pegasus with bright pink hair. ''Fluttershy, get Nurse Redheart!''

Fluttershy wordlessly nodded, spread her wings, and took off. Twilight turned towards the earth pony. Rainbow looked at her. ''How are we gonna get him to town?! You can't teleport him, 'cause we already know what happens then!'' Twilight took a coupla steps forward. ''Actually...''

Everyone looked at Dark Night. ''My teleport is a bit different. It creates a portal that ANYONE can step into,'' he said. ''I'll get him to Ponyville.'' He walked up to the pony, lowered his head, and fired a small sphere of darkness at the ground. It created a black portal. He took the pony and jumped in.

''Hmm. Well, that solves that problem,'' Twilight Sparkle said. ''We just need a place for him to stay if he survives.'' An orange pony stepped forward. She had yellow hair and, of all things, she was wearing a cowboy hat. ''He can stay at the farm,'' she offered. ''Thanks Applejack,'' Twilight replied.

Meanwhile, back in Ponyville, Dark Night was watching Nurse Redheart(a white pony with red hair) patch up the injured pony. She stood up after a minute, turned to Dark, and told him,''Well, I've done the best I can. That should keep him alive, but full recovery is impossible without a spell.'' Dark nodded and thanked her. She turned and left.

Dark Night turned towards a shadowy corner. ''I know you're there. Show yourself.'' The same alicorn he had seen earlier rose out of the corner. Dark sat down and asked,''So what are your terms again?''

The alicorn chuckled. ''It's quite simple,'' he hissed. ''You help me regain control of Luna, and I'll spare you and your 'friends'.'' ''And my sister?'' ''And your sister. I always keep my promises.''

Dark nodded. ''Well, then, I would suggest doing it on Halloween's eve. That's when you'll be at your strongest, correct, Nightmare?'' The alicorn grinned. ''Oh please. Call me Dark Link.'' He vanished, laughing softly. 10 minutes passed, then the other ponies arrived.

Some time passes....

''Alicorn: A combination of unicorn and pegasus. Extremely powerful and mostly benevolent, alicorns, unlike normal ponies, have no known home. The only recorded evil alicorn was Nightmare Moon, and she has long since disappeared.'' Twilight shut the book. ''Well'', she said, ''I think that alicorn in the forest was that dark force Celestia was talking about.''

They were all in Applejacks barn. There were hay piles scattered around, red wooden walls and doors, and a bed in the center where the injured pony was laying. Off to the side was a cross-shaped weapon with a purple handle, purple wings on either side of the handle's top. Set in between the wings was a golden triangle with an upside-down triangular hole cut in the center. Oddly enough, this same symbol was also set in the sharp blade the weapon sported. The ponies had, as Rainbow had put it, ''no freaking clue'' as to what it was exactly. It had been 1 hour since Dark Night's encounter with Dark Link. Since then, all of Twilight's attempts to heal the pony had failed.

''I don't get it,'' she said angrily. ''All of my magic is incompatible with him.'' She stopped for a second. Then pulled a book out of a bag nearby and began flipping through. ''No...no... ah! 'A spell to make other magic compatible with yours.' This should work.'' She shut the book and turned towards the stranger.

She lifted her head up and her horn began to glow. There was a flash, and a white aura the size of a basketball erupted around it. There were more flashes as beams of light shot out from her horn. They hit the pony and began to circle him. There was one last flash, and then... nothing else happened. His wounds had completely healed. Twilight shook as if she was going to fall, but she shook her head and steadied herself.

''Well, that takes care of that,'' she said, her voice still a little shaky. ''It'll be a day or two before he wakes up, and-'' ''TWILIGHT!'' The door smashed open, shaking the barn a little. Spike charged in, carrying a letter.

Spike screeched to a stop, panting heavily. He waited a minute to catch his breath, then said, ''Twilight, it's a letter from the princess. She wants to see you!''

Twilight stared at him, confused. ''Why would she want to see me?'' she questioned. Spike shrugged.
''Hmm... well, I'd better go and find out,'' she said. Twilight turned and walked out the door.

''Well, I'd certainly like to find out why the princess wants her,'' a white unicorn with purple hair said. Rainbow rolled her eyes. ''Rarity, are you for real? It's probably about her magic studies.''

Rarity glared at her. ''Wouldn't she just tell her through a letter? I, myself...'' She looked in the direction of Canterlot. ''...Am going to look into this.''

''Eh, whatever,'' Rainbow said. ''I'm gonna try to do another Sonic Rainboom. Wanna watch, Fluttershy?'' Fluttershy nodded, then said, quietly,''I'll cheer if you want.'' Rainbow shook her head. ''Nah, I'm fine.'' The two of them flew out a window.

Applejack turned to Rarity. ''Ya sure this is good idea, Rarity?'' she asked her. Rarity smiled. ''Oh, please. I know what I'm doing.'' With that, she turned around walked right out the door. Applejack rolled her eyes, muttering under her breath, ''Oh, brother.''

Meanwhile, in Canterlot, Twilight had reached Celestia's room. She took a deep breath, raised a hoof, and knocked. ''Come in,'' a silky voice said. Twilight pushed open the door.

Across the room, a white alicorn with flowing rainbow hair was standing, waiting for Twilight. Twilight bowed her head. ''Princess Celestia, why did you call me here?'' she asked her.

Celestia looked over to an open book. ''After consulting the books, I have found that on Halloween's eve, everything will fall to darkness. Nightmare Moon will rise again, and nothing can be done. However...'' At this, she turned to her guest. ''The very pony who can stop this foe has already arrived in this world. You and your friends brought him out of the forest a few hours ago.''

Twilight had gone into shock.

End of part 1. Rate on a scale of 1-10. Trolls will be reported. If you give a low rating, at LEAST politely state your reason and provide tips. I will be very happy to hear your ideas.
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  #2  
Old 09-03-2011, 06:43 PM
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Default Re: MLP: Legend of Darkness(FiM and LOZ fans only!)

10/10 for hilarity xD How did you come up with LoZ and MLP together? It seems like a really odd crossover. But ill definetly read it for "OHMIGAWDITSHALLOWEEN!" XD love it. You need more jokes! But there are enough already. Do the rest like this one then XD
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  #3  
Old 09-04-2011, 12:02 AM
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Default Re: MLP: Legend of Darkness(FiM and LOZ fans only!)

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Originally Posted by max0596 View Post
10/10 for hilarity xD How did you come up with LoZ and MLP together? It seems like a really odd crossover. But ill definetly read it for "OHMIGAWDITSHALLOWEEN!" XD love it. You need more jokes! But there are enough already. Do the rest like this one then XD
Yeah, Pinkie's probably gonna steal the spotlight for humor. There will be some seriousness, of course, but I'll throw in some jokes here and there.
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Old 09-04-2011, 07:53 PM
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Default Re: MLP: Legend of Darkness(FiM and LOZ fans only!)

I think one thing I'd like to point out first is the size of the posts. For chapters, these are pretty small. I understand the prologue being shorter than the rest of the chapters, but the Prologue seems to be the longest piece you've written. Try to be more descriptive, rather than having the story filled mostly with speech.

Quote:
''*cough* Pinkie, what do YOU want?!'' Twilight demanded. ''OHMIGAWDITSHALLOWEEN!!'' The pony screamed excitedly.
The "*cough*" isn't necessary. You could have said it like:

Twilight coughed, the dust from some of the old books having entered through her mouth and nostrils. She glared at Pinkie before demanding, "What do you want?!"

The italics is a much better way to show that the character speaking is putting emphasis on a certain word, rather than capitals.

I like it when Pinkie says ''OHMIGAWDITSHALLOWEEN!!'' - it gives the story a comical feel, and it doesn't seem too much for a character who is rather bubbly and excited most of her time.

I've only read the Prologue, but the other chapters need to be longer. They're way too short, and more description is needed. Don't fill the chapters with speak, break it up with explanations, thoughts, descriptions etc.

I like the plot, it's rather interesting, I'll read the next few chapters when I have the time ^_^
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Old 09-04-2011, 08:34 PM
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Default Re: MLP: Legend of Darkness(FiM and LOZ fans only!)

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Originally Posted by sealboyno1 View Post
I think one thing I'd like to point out first is the size of the posts. For chapters, these are pretty small. I understand the prologue being shorter than the rest of the chapters, but the Prologue seems to be the longest piece you've written. Try to be more descriptive, rather than having the story filled mostly with speech.



The "*cough*" isn't necessary. You could have said it like:

Twilight coughed, the dust from some of the old books having entered through her mouth and nostrils. She glared at Pinkie before demanding, "What do you want?!"

The italics is a much better way to show that the character speaking is putting emphasis on a certain word, rather than capitals.

I like it when Pinkie says ''OHMIGAWDITSHALLOWEEN!!'' - it gives the story a comical feel, and it doesn't seem too much for a character who is rather bubbly and excited most of her time.

I've only read the Prologue, but the other chapters need to be longer. They're way too short, and more description is needed. Don't fill the chapters with speak, break it up with explanations, thoughts, descriptions etc.

I like the plot, it's rather interesting, I'll read the next few chapters when I have the time ^_^
Thanks for the tips. I'm glad you like the plot, and I'm trying to make them longer. I PROMISE the next chapter will be MUCH longer.
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Old 09-05-2011, 12:57 PM
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Default Re: MLP: Legend of Darkness(FiM and LOZ fans only!)

First off, I'd like to state that this story goes from "Prologue" to Chapter 2, so where's Chapter 1? xP

This is an improvement, but it's still too short, as well as the fact that, still, the chapter consists mostly of speech and only little description.

Truthfully, all three chapters can be put together to make one chapter, there's no need to separate them out just yet.

And, after witnessing somebody being pummeled by an Alicorn, would everyone really disperse and leave the mentally injured (should be considering the beating taken) pony to sleep off it's pain? =/

As I said before, this plot is pretty interesting. Mixing Friendship is Magic and The Legend of Zelda is a great idea, just try to make sure you add more of a serious atmosphere when need be. It's all good saying "this is a more serious chapter" but it doesn't necessarily add the atmosphere to the story. Try to mix the comedy and intensity effectively, and try to be believable (like everyone doing their own thing while leaving the injured pony to sleep, someone would be watching him ._.).

In this newer chapter, you can describe the Princess' room, her appearance into more detail, the character's (Twilight in this case) thoughts, their feelings etc. Some people don't watch the series (me being one of them, except from seeing part of the first) so you're going to have to go into quite a lot of detail. Heck, I don't even know where the characters were at first before Twilight went to Canterlot.

Yeah, so, plot is good, try to put more work into it though :)

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Old 09-07-2011, 05:57 PM
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Default Re: MLP: Legend of Darkness(FiM and LOZ fans only!)

I'll work on post combining. The next part will be much, much longer. I frickin' promise. Accenting w/ italics for the win.
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Old 09-07-2011, 11:16 PM
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Default Re: MLP: Legend of Darkness(FiM and LOZ fans only!)

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Originally Posted by UltimateBrawl View Post
I'll work on post combining. The next part will be much, much longer. I frickin' promise. Accenting w/ italics for the win.
Yeah, I always set a goal. Mine for each chapter is 2000 words.Yeah, it's all in the details,details,details! But I love it so far. Only reccomedation though, and this is me as a fan.

More Pinky! And more jokes from her! ^-^
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Old 09-08-2011, 01:37 PM
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Default Re: MLP: Legend of Darkness(FiM and LOZ fans only!)

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Originally Posted by max0596 View Post
Yeah, I always set a goal. Mine for each chapter is 2000 words.Yeah, it's all in the details,details,details! But I love it so far. Only reccomedation though, and this is me as a fan.

More Pinky! And more jokes from her! ^-^
She's probably gonna break the tone a few times.
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Old 09-08-2011, 02:01 PM
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Default Re: MLP: Legend of Darkness(FiM and LOZ fans only!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by UltimateBrawl View Post
I'll work on post combining. The next part will be much, much longer. I frickin' promise. Accenting w/ italics for the win.
Do not post combine. It needs to be fluid and it needs to fit together. You cannot take two chapters and simply paste them together. It will look awkward. You need to make sure that the chapter is long enough to where people do not complain, but remember that in a book, not all chapters are the same length. The average chapter should be about 4000-7000 words. My chapters are that long, and I rarely post a super long chapter.

I also agree with Sealboyno1. It lacks a lot of description.

There are also a few minor grammatical gripes I have.

Quote:
Twilight rolled her eyes. ''Well, would you mind not knocking over everything in sight? I've rearranged those books 5 times now 'cause you keep knocking them over.''
When writing, always right out the number if it is under twelve.

Quote:
Necromancy? Twilight thought. ''What's necromancy?'' Dark turned back to her. ''It's magic performed upon or drawing power from the dead. The most basic form is ressurection of someone who was murdered,'' he replied.
Never have two characters speaking in the same paragraph. If a new character speaks, separate it into a new line.

Quote:
Recently, I made an alarming discoverey.
Try to use a spell checker to get rid of small spelling errors like this.

Quote:
''Oh please. Call me Dark Link.'' He vanished, laughing softly. 10 minutes passed, then the other ponies arrived.
Never start a sentence with a number, even if it is a huge number like, say, twenty million, you must right it out.

I also noticed that you are not using quotation marks " but you are simply putting two apostrophes next to each other ''. Is it because of your keyboard, or?

I advise you to change the title. Such a secluding title as (FiM and LOZ fans only) is ridiculous and unneeded, for anyone who is a fan of neither has the right to read it and critique it as well.
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Old 09-08-2011, 11:24 PM
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Default Re: MLP: Legend of Darkness(FiM and LOZ fans only!)

Thanks for the tips. BTW, there are gonna be 100 chapters, with 25 per part, making 4 parts. Here is a short description. Warning: MASSIVE spoilers.
Spoiler:
Arrival: Link arrives in Equestria and comes to grips with his new form. Scorpio is briefly seen, but not completely revealed.
Cupcakes: Dark link possesses Pinkie to kill the residents of Ponyville without suspicion. White Dawn dies and Dark Night turns into Black Shade for the first time.
Rising Darkness: Dark link causes the Ursa Major to go on a rampage so he can deal with Celestia without distraction. Scorpio reveals himself fully and kills the Ursa Major. Luna creates a mental shield to keep from turning into Nightmare Moon again. Rainbow Dash discovers he can go super, becoming a golden pegasus called Thunder Crash.
Falling Shadow: Dark Link is defeated and Link returns to Hyrule.
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Old 09-09-2011, 12:31 PM
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Default Re: MLP: Legend of Darkness(FiM and LOZ fans only!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by UltimateBrawl View Post
Thanks for the tips. BTW, there are gonna be 100 chapters, with 25 per part, making 4 parts. Here is a short description. Warning: MASSIVE spoilers.
Spoiler:
Arrival: Link arrives in Equestria and comes to grips with his new form. Scorpio is briefly seen, but not completely revealed.
Cupcakes: Dark link possesses Pinkie to kill the residents of Ponyville without suspicion. White Dawn dies and Dark Night turns into Black Shade for the first time.
Rising Darkness: Dark link causes the Ursa Major to go on a rampage so he can deal with Celestia without distraction. Scorpio reveals himself fully and kills the Ursa Major. Luna creates a mental shield to keep from turning into Nightmare Moon again. Rainbow Dash discovers he can go super, becoming a golden pegasus called Thunder Crash.
Falling Shadow: Dark Link is defeated and Link returns to Hyrule.
Why tell people what happened when you can implement it inside the story? o.O Lol.

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Old 09-09-2011, 12:51 PM
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Default Re: MLP: Legend of Darkness(READ BEFORE POSTING, PLEASE)

I seem to be making many skips in logic as of late.
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Old 09-11-2011, 04:25 PM
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Default Re: MLP: Legend of Darkness(READ BEFORE POSTING, PLEASE)

Part 2 is here!! Again, rate 1-10.

She shook herself out of it and said, horrified, ''B-But Nightmare Moon almost killed us! Celestia, we can't fight more than that! If what you've told me is true, that time she wasn't at full power!''

Celestia nodded. ''I have consulted with the lords of the dimensions, but there is nothing anyone can do. When I felt the darkness returning, I tried calling the hero of its world. However, they were fighting, and in my haste I did not call his full presence. He is much weaker than he should be; he cannot even wield his own weapon yet. Now, I want you...'' She turned her head to Twilight Sparkle and looked her in the eye. ''To help him rediscover his powers.''

Twilight slowly absorbed this. Then she nodded. ''I will do my best,'' she promised, ''but what about my friends?''

''They must help any way they can,'' Celestia told her. Twilight bowed, turned, and left.

None of them had noticed Rarity outside the door. She teleported away the instant Twilight opened the door.

Meanwhile, back in Ponyville, the pony was waking up. He stood up and raised his left hoof to his head. ''Oh man,'' he muttered, ''was all that a dream?'' He glanced over and noticed the sword. ''No,'' he said, ''I guess not.'' He lowered his hoof. It passed right passed his line of vision. He saw it out of the corner of his eye and lowered it so he could get a good long look at it.

At that moment Applejack walked in. He stared at her. She smiled and said, ''Oh, hi there! I see ya finally woke up... Why're you staring at your hoof, sugar cube?''

His response was to freak out. He screamed and jumped back several feet. He noticed a mirror and ran over to it. He stared, then yelled, ''WHY IN HYRULE DO I LOOK LIKE EPONA?!?!'' He wobbled, lost his balance, fell, and lost consciousness.

When he finally woke back up, all six ponies were looking at him, Pinkie holding a bucket. He realized he was soaking wet. He got up and glared at them, then demanded, ''Where the Dark Realm am I?!''

They all exchanged glances. Twilight stepped forward. ''You're on Equestria, in the village of Ponyville.''

He stared at her, then said, ''I've been all over Hyrule, and I've never heard of this place. I'm dead!'' he suddenly yelled. ''That's it! I'm dead! Dark Link must have stabbed me, and now I'm dead! Yeah... that makes sense,'' he muttered. Twilight glared at him, then poked him with her horn. Hard.

''OUCH!'' he yelled.

''That enough for you?'' Twilight asked him, somewhat sarcastically. ''You're alive and well, though the 'well' part may change if you don't calm down. I don't know who this 'Dark Link' is, but you are just gonna have to accept this isn't your world.'' This response surprised the others, while confused the newcomer.

Twilight held out a hoof. ''I'll introduce myself. I'm Twilight, and these are my friends Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Rarity,'' she said, gesturing to each one respectively. She then asked him, ''Who are you, anyway?''

He looked at her, then sighed and said, ''I'm Link. Link of Hyrule.''

Pinkie cocked her head. ''Link? That's a weird name,'' she said.

He rolled his eyes, saying, ''You're the weirdos.''

Rarity seemed offended by this statement. She glared at Link and said, ''I am most certainly not weird. I am perfectly normal, unlike you. Who has a Cutie Mark like that, anyway?'' she asked, pointing at his back left leg.

Link turned his head and looked at it. It was in the shape of a triangle with an upside-down triangular hole in it. ''Well,'' he said, visibly relieved, ''that explains where that went.''

Rainbow went over to the right side. She stared, then said, ''There's nothing on this side!''

''What?! Let me see!'' Pinkie yelled, bouncing over to Link's other side. She looked, then blinked and rubbed her eyes. ''Hey, he really does have nothing on this side!'' she shouted.

This seriously confused Twilight. ''Okay, that should not be possible, even for an outsider.'' She sighed and walked over to him. She glanced, then said, ''This is odd. Think we should take him to Celestia?'' Everyone looked at each other, then nodded.

Link stared blankly, then said, ''Who's Celestia?''

''You'll see,'' Rarity said. They walked out the door, Link reluctantly in tow. When they had left, the shadow in the far left corner trembled, then rose up, taking the form of an alicorn.

The alicorn wandered over to the sword and gave it a look-over, then tried to touch it. It zapped him, causing him to leap back. He glared at it and growled, ''Even after your master has abandoned you, you still deny me?'' His left front leg turned into a blade. He raised it and brought it down on the sword. There was a flash and he briefly saw a bright blue alicorn wearing a white dress that resembled a sword and cyan eyes. Then he was knocked through the wall by an unknown force.

He got to his feet and screamed, in another language, ''FINE! May you go to Hades, Skyward Sword!! You will realize your mistakes and beg to be wielded by me once again, but I will ground you to dust and destroy your remains!!'' At this, he spread his wings and shot into the air. If anyone had seen the sword after this, they would have sworn that it was crying, crying for its true master.

Meanwhile, the ponies had arrived in Celestia's room. Link was standing in front of them, looking at Celestia. He finally said, ''Am I correct in assuming you are Equestria's queen?'' She nodded.

''Link. For ten thousand years, you have fought Ganondorf. For ten thousand years, your soul has been constantly resurrected. However...'' Celestia looked Link in the eye. ''Ganondorf made sure that the spell would not break by tying it to the only other being you could not kill permanently in your dimension, that being your dark counterpart.''

Link stumbled backwards. ''What?! But... but...'' He stared out a window. ''...in this dimension?''

Celestia nodded. ''There used to be seven dimensions. Mobius, the Mushroom Kingdom, Earth, Popstar, and Equestria, where we are, are the only ones left. The others were destroyed by a species of dark monsters called the Heartless.'' She paused, pointed at a window, and said, ''Every night, my sister tells me, stars disappear from a galaxy. When they are all gone, that galaxy vanishes. Our dimension is falling apart.'' She sighed. ''Link, that blade you wield is one of only two blades that can defeat the Heartless, and the other's wielder is too far away. You, I believe, are our only hope.''

Link seemed to be disturbed by this. ''Princess, I'm sorry, but I can't even hold my sword right in this form, and I can't use magic. All my offensive capabilities are gone!'' he yelled, losing his cool. ''I couldn't save a PEBBLE like this!'' He stopped for a second to catch his breath, then said, ''Plus, Dark Link is a monster capable of destroying entire cities all by himself! The Master Sword is the only reason I ever win!''

There was a disturbing scream all of the sudden. The door slammed open, revealing a grey pegasus with yellow hair. She panted, then said, ''Your Majesty! There's a black alicorn on the loose! He's killing everyone, demanding to know where Luna is!''

Celestia stared at her for a second, then asked, ''Where is he?!''

It looked like the pegasus would respond,but when she opened her mouth, a spear went right through her side, causing her to fall over.

''DERPY HOOVES!'' Twilight screamed. ''NO!''

Dark Link walked into the doorway and looked down at his victim. ''Hmph,'' he said. ''What a fool to think she could escape the fate of her friends.''

Twilight lifted a knife and hurled it at him, screaming, ''You'll pay!'' Dark Link sifted his substance, allowing the knife to go right through him and stick in the wall. He walked into the room, grinning maniacally.

''So, these are the wielders of the Elements of Harmony, huh?'' he asked. ''Honestly. Link was way more threatening than any of you.''

Looking back on it, Link knew that he did the right thing. He stepped forward and said, ''You talking about me, Dark Freak?''

Dark's eyes widened. ''Impossible. You were good as dead. I saw you! You had more holes than a sponge!''

Link couldn't help but grin. ''Well, you should have made certain, huh. I'm alive and well, so you should run.''

Dark Link glared at Link, then said, ''If you want to know if you have a chance, just look out the window.''

Everyone collectively looked out the window and saw Canterlot in flames. Twilight gasped. ''What?! But how?!''

A soft laugh came from Dark Link. ''Well, isn't that voice familiar. For some reason, some small part of my consciousness despises that voice. Oh well,'' he said. ''I'll figure it out eventually. In the meantime, I have some unfinished business with the Hero of Idiots.''

Link looked offended. ''Okay, that's it,'' he growled. He picked up a knife in his teeth.

''Link, stop!'' Celestia warned him. ''You don't have enough power to defeat him yet!'' He paid her no heed and hurled the knife.

Dark Link raised his arm and knocked it out of the air. He hissed at him and began to change. His pupils became slits. His head began to become more like a snakes. His wings became back wings. His legs and horn retracted. When it was done, standing before the heroes was a black winged snake with fangs like swords.

Link glared at him and yelled, ''I'm not afraid of you! That all you got?!'' The snake hissed and dived at him.
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Old 09-11-2011, 08:05 PM
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Default Re: MLP: Legend of Darkness(READ BEFORE POSTING, PLEASE)

Okay, okay, okay. Hold it right there. Now there's Heartless? Why did she yell "DERPY HOOVES!" ? WHAT IS HAPPENING?! This story is just messing up my logic, is that up or down? Which way is left...? Seriously...anyway...9.5/10...
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